Diplomacy Zine --- The Lost Chapter

From: tedward@svax.cs.cornell.edu (Ted Fischer)

Date: Mon, 08 Jan 1990 04:17:36 +0000

Chapter Two of ELECTRONIC PROTOCOL:

This chapter contains results from DRAGONSLAYER, BISMARCK, COLD WAR,
and gunboat games JACKAL, VERSAILLES, and MANHATTAN.

Issue #128
===============================================================================

COLD WAR FALL 1907
                ------------------

---------------<Orders>---------------------------------------------------

AUS:  A Mos-UKR                    GER:  A Ber-KIE
      F SMY-Con                          A MUN S A Ber-KIE
      A SEV-Arm                          A NWY holds
      A Ser-GRE                          F BAL S A Ber-KIE
      A ALB S A Ser-GRE                  A Swe-DEN
      A TYL-Ven                          F Lvp-IRI
      A TRI S A TYL-Ven
      A BUL-Con                    ITA:  A VEN holds
      F ION-Aeg                          A PIE S A VEN holds
                                         F Tus-GOL
ENG:  F NTH S German A Swe-DEN           A NAf-TUN
      F HOL S German A Ber-KIE           F TyS-NAP
      F Wal-LVP                          F Mar-SPA(sc)
      F Mid-BRE                          F POR S F Mar-SPA(sc)
                                         F AEG S Turkish F CON holds (cut)
FRA:  A Den-Kie (forced to disband)
      A BUR S F GoL-MAR            TUR:  A ARM-Sev
      A GAS S F GoL-MAR                  F CON holds
      F GoL-MAR
      F Spa(sc)-Por (must retreat)

---------------<Final Unit Positions>-------------------------------------

AUS:  A SEV, A UKR, A BUL, A GRE, A ALB, A TRI, A TYL, F SMY, F ION
ENG:  F LVP, F NTH, F HOL, F BRE
FRA:  A BUR, A GAS, F MAR, F ???
GER:  A BER, A DEN, A NWY, A MUN, F IRI, F BAL
ITA:  A PIE, A VEN, A TUN, F AEG, F POR, F GOL, F NAP, F SPA(SC)
TUR:  A ARM, F CON

France's dislodged fleet can retreat to Mid or Wes or can disband.
There was nowhere that the French army in Denmark could retreat.

---------------<Supply Centers>-------------------------------------------

Ownership:

AUS:  MOS WAR VIE BUD TRI SER RUM SEV SMY GRE BUL          (11)
ENG:  EDI LON HOL BEL BRE LVP                               (6)
FRA:  PAR MAR                                               (2)
GER:  MUN BER DEN SWE NWY STP KIE                           (7)
ITA:  VEN ROM NAP TUN SPA POR                               (6)
RUS:                                                        (0)
TUR:  CON ANK                                               (2)

Adjustments:

AUS:  +2 units
ENG:  +2 units
FRA:  -1 if the fleet retreats off the board.  -2 otherwise.
GER:  +1 unit
ITA:  -2 units
TUR:  no change

Game Summary:

1900 `01 `02 `03 `04 `05 `06 `07
Austria         3   5   6   8   9   9   9  11
England         3   4   5   4   3   4   4   6
France          3   5   6   6   6   6   5   2
Germany         3   5   5   6   8   7   6   7
Italy           3   4   4   5   5   5   8   6
Russia          4   5   3   1   0   0   0   0
Turkey          3   4   5   4   3   3   2   2
===============================================================================

MANHATTAN -- Winter 1900

PRESS:
January 3, 1901

CONSTANTINOPLE:  An Imperial Turkish spokesman today called for the end
of Italian aggression in the Mediterranean.  In a prepared statement, Ilhan
"Crazy Legs" Hufsta stated that Italian expansionism threatened all nations
with interests in the Mediterranean.  Hufsta specifically called for
pressure from the Dual Monarchy of Austria-Hungary.  Asked whether or not
the Sultan would be seeking Russian assistance, Hufsta replied "For What?".
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

February 12, 1901

Newsflash: NEW POPE SIEZES CONTROL OF ITALIAN MONARCHY!

The Vatican (AP) -- In a sudden and shocking political move, the newly
elected Pope Joe Bob I siezed control of the chaotic Italian monarchy
today, crowing himself the new Emperor of Greater Italy. At dawn,
crack squadrons of Swiss guards poured out of St. Peter's, quickly
spreading throughout the city and zeroing in on the royal palace,
capturing the king and his entire family. Later that day, the Pope,
having just recently squashed the scandal over his election, emerged
to crown himself and proclaim a "new day" for Italy.

"Well, hell, boy," his Holiness drawled to the reporters, "this whole
place was jus' one big mess 'till I came along. I just couldn't sit
back and let this whole place go to rot, now could I?" He continued on
with his new plan for "economic redevelopment" of Italy, the principle
feature being the replacement of barbecue for pasta as the national
food of the country. "Well, y'know, I was jus' thinkin that good
barbecue tastes a hell of a lot better than any old pasta and if you
just get yourself some good hushpuppies, then you can just.  . ." the
Pope began, trailing off into a long story about his childhood days in
Sicily.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ITALIAN PAPACY/MONARCHY DENOUNCES TURKISH "RABBLEROUSING"

Rome (Reuters) -- Denouncing the recent Turkish diplomatic statements
as "Just the sort'a thing you'd expect from a country named 'turkey'",
Pope Joe Bob I today made his first foreign policy statment since his
coronation three weeks ago. "Hell, just who do those Turkeys think
they're accusing?"  "Fighting Bob" (as he has come to be known) asked
reporters anrgily, "I think it's THEM who's got designs on the
Mediterranean, and I'm here to tell 'em that they'd better keep their
paws east of the Ionian if they know what's good for 'em." The Pope,
however, said he was willing to negotiate on the matter of Greek
independence, adding that if the Turks were willing to "act nice" he
would be "willing to be nice back. After all -- I'm the Pope."

When asked about possible pressure by the Austro-Hungarian Empire,
the Pope replied that he had no desire to antagonize his eastern
neighbor, praising Austria as "a country with beautiful girls and
great fried okra". He called upon the Austo-Hungarian king to
repudiate the hostile attitude advanced by the Turkish monarchy,
saying "If you keep your hands on your side, I'll keep my hands on my
side." He also expressed hope that the Austrians would prove to be
friendly in the future and that relations between the two monarchies
would produce "a bunch of good country and western ballads."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CONSTANTINOPLE (AP) -- In a press conference today, Sultan Ahmed the
Peaceful insisted that the previous communication from 'Turkey' was a
forgery. The prankster who sent it was strangled and his body was fed
to the dogs.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ZURICH (Reuters) -- The Turkish ambassador to the failing peace talks
denied that the Sultan had ever called for an invasion of Italy.  "We
have no desire to occupy any of the Mediterranean west of Greece."
However, he did not deny the allegations that an alliance with the
monarchy of Austria-Hungary was being sought.

[ed. note: I received both of the above letters.  Both wished to be
announced as being from Turkey.  Which one of them was *really* from
Turkey?  Was either?  Were both?  Find out along with the Spring 1901
moves, due tomorrow.]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LONDON (Reuters) -- The Prime Minister sent an emissary to Rome with
the following message: "Congratulations Pope Joe Bob!  It's good to
hear that Italy has a new leader who will end the chaos.  And even
better to hear that he is a good ole boy!!  How about if we work
together to bring some first class country cuisine to the French?
They sure could use some lessons!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zurich (AP) -- In a press conference this morning the German Kaiser
expressed concern that relations with England were not at their best.
He has reliable information that England is planning an attack on the
European mainland, with the intention of conquering Belgium and
Holland.  A delegation has been sent to Paris to propose a French-
German alliance against England as a countermeasure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Moscow: The Czar held a press conference earlier today at which he
extended New Year's greetings and good wishes to the other leaders of
the world.  In addition to the expected pleasantries of the season, he
also passed along two messages of substance.  To the Sultan of Turkey
he proposed peaceful cooperation throughout the region, and that the
Black Sea and Armenia both be kept free of armed forces to prevent
friction between our two great nations.  He further suggested that
Turkey and Russia might cooperate in military maneuvers, especially in
defense of any Austrian aggression.  To the leaders of England and
Germany he suggested peace in Scandinavia, and assured them both that
Russia has no objectives or intentions in the region other than the
liberation of Sweden.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

VIENNA (AP) -- An emissary from his Royal Highness of Austria and
Hungary, King Wilhelm I, has been dispatched to Moscow to propose
an alliance with Russia.  His Royal Highness expressed the desire
to "chase those damn Turks as far away from Europe (and civilized
peoples) as possible."
===============================================================================

MANHATTAN: Spring 1901
---England----------------------------------Germany----------------------------
A Lvp - YOR				|A Ber - KIE
F Edi - NWS				|A MUN - Bur		BOUNCE (Mar)
F Lon - NTS				|F Kie - HOL
---France-------------------------------|---Austria----------------------------
A MAR - Bur		BOUNCE (Mun)	|A Bud - SER
A Par - PIC				|A Vie - TRI
F Bre - ECH				|F Tri - ALB
---Italy--------------------------------|---Turkey-----------------------------
A Ven - TYR				|A Con - BUL
A Rom - VEN				|A Smy - CON
F Nap - ION				|F Ank - BLA
---Russia-------------------------------|-------------------------------------
A War - GAL				|
A Mos - UKR				|
F Sev - RUM				|
F StS - GOB                       	|
-----------------------------------------

POSITIONS
Austria: 3	A Ser Tri		F Alb
England: 3      A Yor			F Nws Nts
France:  3      A Mar Pic		F Ech
Germany: 3	A Kie Mun		F Hol
Italy:   3	A Tyr Ven		F Ion
Russia:  4	A Gal Ukr		F Rum GoB
Turkey:  3      A Bul Con		F Bla

GM NOTES
Thanks for all sending your moves in on time.  I have received 3 votes
against black press with one player abstaining.  It will therefore not
be permitted in future issues, though there may be some in this issue.
Grey press is still allowed.  Anything listed from Zurich should be
assumed to be grey press, even if it attributes statements to other
countries.

PRESS
HEAD TURK CLAIMS NATIONAL DEFENSE IN BLACK SEA STRIKE
SULTAN DECLARES INTENT TO BLOCK DEMOCRACY IN AUSTRIA
FRENCH PRESIDENT WELCOMES GERMAN FLEET ADMIRAL TO PARIS
ENGLISH PRIME MINISTER ANNOUNCES OCCUPATION PLANS FOR SCANDINAVIA
FRANCO-GERMAN TREATY SIGNED DIVIDING LOWLANDS
CZAR INSULTS SULTAN
CZAR INSULTS AUSTRIAN KING
BRIT INSULTS POPE
GERMAN FOREIGN MINISTER VISITING MOSCOW, BUDAPEST
POPE JOE BOB REJECTS ENGLISH ADVANCES
POPE CLAIMS MOVE TO TYROLIA "PURELY DEFENSIVE"
PEACE NEGOTIATIONS BREAK DOWN IN VENICE
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sultan Ahmed the Peaceful: Our move into the Black Sea is
strictly a defensive measure to prevent Russia from taking it.
We do not wish to fight Russia.  We do not wish to fight
Austria-Hungary, either. However, our spies... oops, diplomats,
have told us that last year the word 'democracy' was heard three
times in Vienna. This is serious.  We think it is necessary to
invade Austria-Hungary in order to restore autocracy. We would
like to see our dear friends Italy and Russia to join us. If
they do, since we have no desire to take Austrian territory,
they can devide it as they wish, provided that they will allow
us to protect Bulgaria, Greece and Serbia -- and Russia can move
into Rumania if she wants.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Austria -> Italy:  Naturally, I would love nothing more than an
                   active alliance with Italy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paris-Berlin: Join the Crusade against perfidious Albion!  If
there is a French army in the Burgundy Wine country, please
escort it to Belgium, so that France may build more boats for
the Invasion.  Build German boats, and our great countries will
sail to absolute Victory!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scapa Flow - In a New Year's press release over the weekend the
Comptroller of Fisheries announced plans for a new Total
Exclusion Fishery Zone to extend 1000 nautical miles from the
kirk spire in Kirkwall. "It's just what the chaps need", said Mr
Cod Inbatter, "the chance to explore all those lovely crinkly
bits in Scandinavia. We'll have the navy with us so there'll be
no need to worry about those dodgy foreign types." "It's
great!", said one local fisherman, "Apparently they have some
lovely holiday camps in the Baltic Sea, so we can always nip
down there for a bit of a lark when we've 'ad fish up to our
eyeballs".  (Soleil)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Skelmersdale - A riot nearly broke out at the barracks of the
3rd Light Ekithumper Regiment, when it was announced that they
were to be re-stationed to Bognor Regis. "We don't want to go to
that stinking hole, all that garlic in the Channel makes the
place stink.", commented Private Fred Flatat whilst waving a
menacing black pudding under our heroic reporter's nose. Faced
with the threat of a tripe revolution the Colonel quickly
changed their destination to St Andrews. It seems that pollution
in the Channel in making life very unpleasant for those living
in the south and the government is believed to be organising an
evacuation to the more sanitary northern climes. (Soleil)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Soho - in a brilliant piece of detective work this month our
very own sleuth discovered a remarkable coincidence between the
artistic passages of our acclaimed journal and the troop
movements of His Majesties Armed Forces. Quite what the
significance of this is nobody seems to know, nor care, but the
story does fill the awkward few column inches that were left
over on page 3. (Soleil)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Orders Spring 1901:
Scapa Flow Fishing Fleet sets off on an Adventure [F (Edi) -> NWG]
3rd Light Ekithumpers go for a paddle at St. Andrews [A (Lpl) -> Yor]
London Armoured Barge Company gets away from the Stink [F (Lon) -> NTH]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ZURICH (Reuters) -- The German delegation to France has been
well received and is on their way back to Berlin with a treaty
proposal in hand.  The French proposal calls for France to
assist Germany in the liberation of Holland, for Germany to
assist France in the liberation of Belgium, and for both
countries to cooperate in their efforts to secure the North Sea.
The German delegation also reports a near panic in Paris at the
thought of the invasion of "country" cooking.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MOSCOW (AP) -- In a communique to his Royal Highness of Austria
and Hungary, King Wilhelm I, the Czar said, "we share your
desire to chase those damn Turks as far away from Europe as
possible, and look forward to cooperating with you to rid the
world of them."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Moscow: The Czar welcomed an emissary from King Wilhelm I, his
Royal Highness of Austria and Hungary.  Unfortunately, the
message contained foul language in reference to our friends in
Turkey.  So the Czar cut out his tongue and sent him back with
assurances that Russia would never permit Austrian troops to
conquer any lands bordering on the Black Sea.  The Czar still
awaits a response from the Sultan with regards to his recently
proposed alliance.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2nd Floor Men's Toilet, House of Commons - After finally
tracking down an official willing to give comment on the latest
press release from Italy the following was said; "Balderdash!
Complete and utter lies. This Pope Joe Bob chappy has no doubt
recently escaped from some high security mental hospital.
Needless to say the previous press release was a fake; the
British Government in no way condones such actions." Well there
you have it, next week look out for a big expose on thigh
slapping. Do the Austrians do it due to lack of central heating;
and what is the significance of those leather shorts? (Soleil)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
German diplomats met today with Russian officials regarding a
possible demilitarization treaty.  It was suggested that the
provinces of Prussia, Silesia and the Baltic Sea be made neutral
zones, and Scandinavia be partitioned with Sweden going to
Russia and Denmark falling to the Germans.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Kaiser today proposed a treaty of friendship between the nations
of Germany and Austria-Hungary, citing ethnic heritage and the fact
that if they fought they would get totally annihilated by the other
great powers.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  Apulia (AP) -- In a short diplomatic announcement today,
Cardinal Bubba of Pisa said that Pope Joe Bob I has rejected the
English monarchy's proposal for a joint effort to rearrange the
culinary tastes of France. Citing the French's love of Jerry
Lewis and Peewee Herman, the Pope said that "frankly, the French
don't seem to have much taste in the first place," and claiming
"an invasion of French restaurants would just be a waste of good
barbeque and Brunswick stew." The Pope did say, however, that if
English restaurants within France were threatened by the French
government, he would be glad to join with the English forces to
liberate them.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  Vatican City (AP) -- When asked about the movement of the
Third Italian Army towards Tyrolia this season, Pope Joe Bob I
claimed the move was "purely defensive in nature". "Frankly,"
the Pope continued, "I'm worried about those other neighbors of
Austria. Never know what they might try against my good buddies
next door -- and if they whup Austria, I sure as hell know who's
next in line!" The Pope promised that if events proceeded
reasonably peacefully, all troop incursions in Austria territory
would be ended as soon as humanly possible.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  Venice (Reuters) -- The Third Annual "Beef, Burgers and Balkan
Peace" Conference degenerated into a shouting match today,
ending with the forceable removal of Italian Pope/King Joe Bob I
to restore order to the conference. The Pope was later diagnosed
as suffering from an "acute case of diplomatic confusion", and
was sent to his Swiss retreat to rest during the summer. As he
was being dragged from the negotiating table, the Pope was
quoted as yelling "I'll tell you what I'm going to do as so as
y'all tell me what you're going to do!"
===============================================================================

Some press, no?  That's all for now.  More as it comes in.

Cheers!
Lord Valentine

References

Diplomacy Zine --- The Lost Chapter
tedward@svax.cs.cornell.edu (Ted Fischer)
Mon, 08 Jan 1990 04:16:30 +0000