REASONS TO KILL YOURSELF From: john264773@aol.com (John264773) Date: Fri, 09 Oct 1998 00:00:00 +0000 Reasons to Kill Yourself You gotta go sometime. There is no God; so if you were just trying to get into heaven with Brownie points, you may as well give up now. Nobody loves you, and no one ever will. Just think of the mess those assholes you leave behind will have to clean up! You'll be one of those lucky few who get to know exactly when and how they're going to die! (This works for hostages as well) Dead people don't have to worry where their next meal is coming from. No more fucking family reunions. If you're clever about it, you can frame someone you hate for your murder. Blowing your own head off really breaks the ice on the city bus. If there's a band you really hate, leave their album playing on the turntable. When the cops find it, that band will be in a world of shit. This is a really good prank to play on Gospel ensembles. In the words of the late GG Allin, "Do not be cheated of your greatest thrill." He would know. If you kill yourself near someone you have a secret crush on, he or she might feel sorry for you and have sex with your corpse. Think of all the money you'll save everyone else on birthday presents! Maybe you can come back as a zombie and scare the bejeezus out of everyone. Or at least get a religion started up in your name. If you claim to be the messiah right before you off yourself, a lot of people will be very confused for the rest of their lives (see above). MORE SOULS FOR SATAN!! YUMMY!!! Referenced By Up