Turn 25 Times. From: Mike Barlow <Rondor@Talweb.com> Date: Fri, 31 Mar 2000 00:00:00 +0000 Realms of the Arcane Times for Turn January, Year 3 ======================================================= Realms of the Arcane http://www.talweb.com/rondor/index.html GameMaster Rondor Signed Articles ======================================================= House Praemon (12) writes: Greetings. The Brethren of the Mere, in an attempt to alleviate the crowded conditions in the Plattland area, have contracted the construction of two ships. The first ship has already arrived and should leave this month, and a second is on the way. Please contact me, if you're in Plattland, if you wish to gain passage on these vessels. You need not have sailors -- they shall be provided. If there is sufficient need, we may contract more ships to be built in the future. If you're in Plattland, and have any other needs, please feel free to contact me, and we can see how we can be of help. Fornax Dizardin Master of House Praemon PS -- Do like Az says, and click the GM's banner. =) ------------------------------------------------ Guardian Angel (21) writes: ************* The Bastak Herald ****************** In June of year 2 the spleen guy declared war on us. Last month when he asked us why we thought he had, and we told him, He used that as an exuse to declare war (again) as if the first time never happened. Because of this, we will contine to prepare to fight hime as far away from our home area as we can. **Ship schedules** Ship Departing Arriving Ninha Carhue 03Dec Sinan 04Oct Pinta Guardian Shipyard 02Dec Southern Mountains 03May Southern Mountains 03Jun Forest Isle 03Aug Forest Isle 03Aug Arezzo 03Oct Santa Maria Guardian Shipyard 03Jan Anstruther (DofM) 03Jun Irmanja Guardian Shipyard 03Jan Southern Mountains 03Jun Southern Mountains 03Jun Forest Isle 03Sep Forest Isle 03Sep Arezzo 03Nov Arezzo 03Nov Forest Isle 04Feb ***PUBLIC NOTICE**** The following Ships are under the protection of the Bastak Empire and should not be molested or hindered in any way: + Princesa de los vientos [104] : Longboat. + Sirena [108] : Longboat. + Ninha [132] : Longboat. + Pinta [133] : Longboat. + Manticore [134] : Longboat. + Irmanja [138] : Clipper. + Santa Maria [139] : Longboat. + 7o de Setembro [154] : Galleon. If you wish to come to Bastek please contact our embassy, in the Free City of Sinan, to obtain a Visa, and be sure to stop on the way out at Customs and Emigration to register. Our Minister of Internal Security does not take kindly to smugglers. For information, Contact: carioca@stratos.net ******************** ------------------------------------------------ Dark Angels (25) writes: Azthar, my old friend I think your memory is slipping, perhaps you should take it easy on the Grogma. You don't seem to recall promising to rip mine and the Emperor's Spleens out. If that isn't a Declaration of War than please tell what was it. The Medal you've promised me, I believe was to delievered to me by arrow now perhaps you meant mealy to place it on a arrow and shoot it from a distance but I think you meant it as a arrow shot at me. Now I do seem to recall that you said that every faction in Sines, Plattland, Rantlu and Carrahue should thank me for deciding on where your so called world tour go next. This gave away your ambitions to conquer all of Atlantis. Not that could find your way out of a wet paper bag let alone to Sinan or any other starting city. Let me turn my attention to the "Writ of Purification". What a PATHETIC attempt to get others to do your fighting for you, because you know you are going to be defeated by a vastly superior opponent, but of course you don't realize that you've already lost. If I wasn't the object of this joke I would feel insulted that you dare claim that you alone are the ruling authority of Atlantis and only thru you can we live our lives. What possible sin could anyone on Atlantis have committed that you could forgive. I'm sure no one has committed the cardinal sin of not realizing your a hopeless windbag, well except maybe you. Although I will give you credit the writ is a sly attempt to legitimize your future conquering of any factions that take the writ seriously, not that I think there is anyone out there who would. For those who don't see it I will shed some light on the subject. Azthar is afraid, and correctly so, that the Bastak Empire is going to destroy him. So he produces a document that he hopes will get others to fight for him. Notice I say for him for nowhere in the writ does he say he will join the fight, although I'm sure he'll claim it's inferred. What reward do you get for joining this joke? The forgiveness of nonexistent Sins, I'm sure Azthar will come up with a list of them sometime soon. What do you give up? Well since Azthar has telegraphed his desire to rule all of Atlantis he will eventually arrange wars between every alliance that exists. Most Notably the Brethren of the Mere and The Confederation of Sines. Of course he will declare a joke against them and try to get others to do his fighting against them as well and once that goal is compete he will try to exert control over all those factions that took his joke seriously claiming that you decided to swear fealty to him when you joined the joke. Now of course this is how Azthar sees things happening which will be very different from reality. What will happen is that all of you will see the joke for what it is and regardless the Bastak Empire will crush the Sniveling tyrant and give the land around Erisort back to the Citizens of Erisort. I tell you now the Bastak Empire Has no designs on world conquest and those of you who have dealt with us can attest to that. But I'm sure the questions comes up why get involved with Azthar over Erisort. The answer to that is simple he put out a challenge when I asked how long that challenge would extend, in a not so not nice way I admit, he declared war by promising to remove my spleen by involuntary Spleenectomy preferably alive. He then Foolishly extended that declaration to anyone allied with me. One on One he might have defeated me but against the whole Empire he will be crushed like the insignificant bug that he is. I will extend a open invitation to anyone wishing to join the fight against Azthar, feel free. I can only promise you victory and freedom to live as you choose before, during and after the war. Here is a excerpt from Azthar's Response obtained by Covert Operatives in the Dominion Ministry of Propaganda. Hail Spleen! Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah. Beware the Beast. Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah. You will all Die. Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah. <Chugs Grogma> Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah. Yada Yada Yada Yada. Eat Spleenco Haggis. Blah Blah Blah. I DON"T EAT SPLEENS! Yada Yada Yada. Azthar Dominion Ministry of the Spleen Granted Azthar won't use the exact same words, although he might as well the words he uses will sound the same. Of course Azthar will attempt to make the following Claims. That you shouldn't have to read his Verbacide against me. That he needs to take me out behind the woodshed for a lesson. That he expected all this. That this all part of his master plan. That I've fallen into his trap, I'm sure I'll hear him whine as I crush him under my Iron Shod Boot, "You fell into my trap, I planned this all along." He'll warn us all to beware the beast, because the beast makes him look like wimp, but *Everyone* makes Azthar look like a wimp. When Reading Azthar Complete Response, I'm sorry my Operatives were unable to get a complete copy and we lost something in the translation from inane drivel to coherent language. Imagine Azthar is a Adult, I know that is a stretch, from the Peanuts Cartoons. This always gives me a good laugh and helps me get thru his ramblings, when I bother to actually read them. The Emperor's Humble Servant Azrael, Grand Master of the Dark Angels. ------------------------------------------------ Stormbringer (29) writes: Visit Realms History Page! Whe have new additions! * 1st ship * more battles * rumors of assasinations! Stormbringers (29), keepers of Realms History http://freepages.bigassweb.com/freepages/realmshistory/ Your information is welcome! Write us at realmshistory@hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------ SLO-IM (32) writes: The young mage had returned from his journeys abroad unscathed. Even his rudimentary skills at Weather Lore had proved useful, as he had avoided rain in the dreaded land of "Texas" and arrived early enough to beat the blanket of snow in his homeland of "Colorado". Nothing to do know but return to his studies and see if he couldn't conjour some sort of creature someday soon... ------------------------------------------------ Draconians (37) writes: PEACEFUL INTERLUDE Take a deep, gentle breath, relax... read this slowly and thoughtfully... picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called "The Realm." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear. You can easily make out the face of the faction leader whose head you are holding under water... ------------------------------------------------ House al-Kazzam (42) writes: The Carahue Mercury Chronicle & Advertizer, January Year 2 ------------------------------------------------------------------- THIEVES CONTINUE TO ELUDE JUSTICE! -------------------------------------------------- Last month the Carahue Mercury was pleased to announce that some members of the notorious gang of thieves that have been plaguing our island with their heinous actions, had been spotted and identified. This was enough to interrupt their attempt at yet another vile and cowardly act of thievery, but alas, when troops were sent after them, they proved to be too quick to catch! It seems they have learned well the art of the quick getaway, aided by some horseflesh undoubtedly stolen from some honest and hard-working faction. Will this saga ever end?! Will these criminals ever be brought to justice?! Will we see BLOOD?!! The answer can only be "Yes!", for the thief catchers skill of the dogged pursuit will soon be a match for the thieves skill in the quick getaway. So folks, keep those ropes, feathers, tar, rotten fruit, kitchen implements and, above all, axes ready! BLUE TURTLE BLAST!! ---------------------------- And this refers not only to the act the Sisters put on at New Years Eve, but the whole party! Our entertainment correspondent, currently on a nice relaxing holiday in the Khanate of the Beast, managed to report some details before leaving. The evening was literally kick-started with the usual selection of cocktails thrown together by the wizardry of Flim & Flam, the twin eleven juggling barmen. In addition, they had invented a new eyebrow-braiser called the Flaming Magical Wagon, an unstable mix of Blue Turtle Absinthe (what else!), liqorice essence and fermented coffee grounds, all bubbled through with floater gas prior to ignition! "Yo baby! Gnnnnnn" was all our hard-working entertainment correspondent would say. Guests then settled down to some snacks from Nagduls Kitchen, a welcome stomach-liner before the next round. Our entertainment correspondent cannot recall what was served but all those asked later agreed that the food was fabulous! We can see why Nagdul is having trouble keeping scavengers out of the dustbins. After the snacks the party really got going when The Sisters came on to the new stage for their first performance since the rebuilding work was completed. Fireballs! Flames! Tumbles and Twists! Never has Carahue seen such a mind-blowing display of skill and sublime precision. The new Dragon Egg stunt drew gasps of amazement but it was the never-seen-before Triple Lava Pyramid of Death that really had the crowd on their feet, and Nagduls inferno-control team sweating profusely. Never has a standing ovation been more deserved. We can only wonder what the Sisters could do next. The mood was set and this could hardly have been a better time for Lord Blink & The Magic Eggs to make their appearance, once the stage had been put out. The crowd were now ready to party, and Lord Blink delivered. Considering that this was a group of students from The Union, some could be forgiven for expecting a slightly amateur performance, but the band on stage that night had style, class and above all, they had rhythm! The guests cavorted to some great tunes and it was The Eggs latest hit single, "Over Easy", that was requested time and again. It was an exhausted troupe of performers and guests that eventually stumbled out of the Blue Turtle just after dawn. Carahue has certainly rung in the Third Year of the Fourth Atlantean Era. And that reminds me: On behalf of all of us here at the Carahue Mercury, I would like to wish everybody a HAPPY NEW YEAR! and a successful Year 3. ------------------------------------------------ House Arkonides (120) writes: a bottle at sea: I have been on this boat for 10 month. I sailed away with hope to find a free land. But few months after the sail, the wind stopped to blow in our veils, the sailors remained motionless, the captain was always drunk preventing us from taking the control of the ship. Now, their provisions are exhausted, they start to die of starving. I have saved my life only by throwing these bottles containing my pain in the ocean. We will continue without them and find that promised land. Arkus was lost at sea ------------------------------------------------ Evil Empire (141) writes: Hello this is Larry Spleen and this is Street Sleeze. This week we are talking to the recently elected Mayor of Erisort, Fabulous Frankie. Larry: Normally, I wouldn't have you back on my show considering that my cameraman is still in the hospital. But you threatened my producer and, well, here you are. Frankie: Its good to be back Larry. Larry: So what has changed since you became mayor? Frankie: Before I was mayor I never understood that old saying "Crime doesn't pay". But now that I'm legit, I'm making more than I ever did as a criminal. Take the Daily Erisort Numbers Racket. When I was a crook, I had to offer decent odds just to get people to play. Now, it doesn't matter what the odds are. DENR just keeps raking in the silver. Larry: Isn't it true that DENR has yet to pay out a single prize? Frankie: My point exactly. Its all profit. Another bright spot is the Erisort Protection Policy. We are getting new customers every day. By the way, Guido tells me that your studio doesn't have a policy yet. [A large bald guy drags the struggling Larry out of his chair. In the background, men with axes are wrecking the studio. The camera pans to a close up of Frankie.] Don't let this happen to you! Get your Erisort Protection Policy today. Its the law! ------------------------------------------------ Black Roses (175) writes: Only a few more months of staring out this small window of mine. After that I will have mastered the spiritual ebbs of the weave. I hear my new room will have no window. I'm going to miss it. A thought once heard coming from Valan The Black. ------------------------------------------------ Vossaen (180) writes: The Confederation forces succeeded in eliminating hostile units around Sines city. The adversary have taken high losses and is running to the south. Pursuit is being organized. Be it a warning to all enemies who dare to assault or assassinate any of allied forces. Vos, konung of Vossaen ------------------------------------------------ The Spleenish Inquisition (194) writes: Be it known that the Imperial Writ of the Dominion of Spleen has been amended to include the Writ of Purification for Guardian Angel (21), the Bastek Empire, and all factions affiliated with them. For crimes of gross blasphemy and declared intent to defile the ESZ, Guardian Angel (21), the Bastek Empire, and all affiliated factions are hereby sentenced to the penance of Total Purification. Any faction that actively makes war on these infidels will be absolved of all crimes and sins against the Dominion and their spleens will be annointed by the purity of battle. Any annointed spleens slain in battle against these infidels will be accorded their rightful and honorable resting place beneath the Sacred Sepulchre. The guarded lands of these holy crusaders will be considered sovereign to their possessor and sacred to the Dominion. Henceforth, any act of war against a Holy Spleenish Crusader will be considered an act of war against the Dominion and blasphemy of a most foul variety, and will be punished accordingly. Hail Spleen! -Azthar Spleenmonger, Holy Emperor of all Spleendom, Grand Inquisitor of the Spleenish Inquisition. ------------------------------------------------ The Ebro valley Sect (197) writes: Things are going as expected. Soon all those evil guards and creatures = will eat dust.=20 DAMN! LIVING TREES!!!!! DAMN! A ANTICORE!!!!! DAMN! A LICH!!!! Well, perhaps my plans will be delayed a bit ------------------------------------------------ The White Brethren (212) writes: It was time to leave this rathole. Our illustrious leader was not returning. Time to put the backup plan into action - The cyanide tablets where ready and the alien space craft should be here real soon now.... ------------------------------------------------ Quentin's Merchant Empire (224) writes: Quentin Oddquirk wiped the sweat from his brow and surveyed the "Bartumba's Pride". Soon she would be ready to sail and discover new lands for the Explorers' Guild. Her crew was ready. It only remained for the nets to be made for the fishermen so that the ship would be self-sustaining, and wouldn't be forced to eat the haggis that was stowed in the hold. Thank the gods he would soon be rid of the horrible puddings! Quentin returned his attention to completing the latest Guild maps. He was having a devil of a time distributing them. It seemed that many of his carrier pigeons were not making it to their destinations. Some city guards, it seemed, killed any pigeon carrying messages marked with the "yahoo.com" rune. He hoped to have it all sorted out soon... ------------------------------------------------ Les Enfants de Guerre (254) writes: Not a lot to say. Wheather clear, a bit cold. Carahue is a nice place. We might take control of the place in a few month. We, children, shall explain adult how to live soon. Dont believe me ? HaHa ! We have evidence... Santa Klaus swear it to us. ------------------------------------------------ Knights of Septentrion (261) writes: OOops un peu plus j'oubliais d'envoyer un times ! ------------------------------------------------ The Djinn Watch (280) writes: Heard at the Blue Turtle in Carahue : Khidr : "Wallaye ! The Sisters show is too hot...I 'm gonna have a glass of water !" Hazrat : "Great idea, Brother ! I'll have one too..." Sometimes later : Khidr : "Brother, after having my glass of water I really could not drink no more...I concluded you we're not that thirsty !!!" Hazrat wrote in his book : If you really want a glass of water, you'd better drink it yourself. ------------------------------------------------ Trinity Hall Traders (290) writes: The Master sighed happily. Not only had he finaly begun his trading empire, but he had also gained some powerful allies. The grain his farmers would soon grow could be sold in the nearby towns, and although there was no demand for the horses he would breed, they would be helpful for transporting goods, and he was sure that he could find any army willing to buy his fine steeds. The master had hoped to journey with his assistant to oversee the new holdings, unfortunately there were rumours of bandits in the mountains round Sines that were slaughtering innocent travels, and so he judged it wise to attend to his studies in the city for a while longer. ------------------------------------------------ Zandragal (298) writes: i'd like to find a place to live in peace, please don't kill me.... ZANDRAGAL lives !!! ------------------------------------------------ First Legion of the Silver Legions of THE EMPIRE (303) writes: O Domo This is a most distressing report No roads remain, the legions not be fleet of foot The Ligori codes fail at the the transport gates The pessanti - many have been questioned -remember not the law I fear the first Legionaire's wrath Worse! The Empress will be peeved when she arrives Twere too long since the Empire abandoned this fensat world? ------------------------------------------------ Waltham Warlocks (309) writes: OOOHHH that smell, cant ya smell that smell, the smell that surrounds you !!!!!!! ------------------------------------------------ Order of the Lady Nicoline (353) writes: Refugees from hostile pillaging flock to our order. We shelter and nourish them as their land cannot. As dictated by The Law. ------------------------------------------------ Followers Of The Feathered Serpent (356) writes: THE BLACKSMITH IN SINES: ---------------------------------- We make Tools for any working men. Just put Your order in, and i will make, you a offer you can resist E-mail you order to abj@inwear.dk If you go for prime, shop at Sines. F. StoneStorm ------------------------------------------------ Order of Excalibur (357) writes: - Asmodius was walking down the street of this mighty city, wondering what to do. After consulting Kharac "the keeper of secrets", the man in charge of the knowledge of the=20 - Order of Excalibur - he had decided that the signs in the Heaven showed that, in the not so distant future Lancelot "The Champion of the Faith" would find new lands to settle, where the Order would grow strong. YES the signs was there, and now all they could do was to wait.(and pray) ------------------------------------------------ Sarsaparilla (392) writes: ASK ABE -- AN ATLANTIAN ADVICE COLUMN ------------------------------------- by Abe Junior (January, Year 3) Dear Abe, How long should I let my root beer ferment before bottling? - Brewin' in Brodick Dear Brewin, You can bottle after only 1 week of fermentation, but I recommend an additional week in a secondary fermenter. Not only will this add body and flavor to your brew, it will also keep your bottles from exploding. Good luck! Do YOU need advice from Abe? Then write him, care of richardson.paul@amstr.com! ======================================================= Rumors ======================================================= The Assassins' Guild is now open for business in all starting cities! Looking for some action? Looking to advance your cause? Have a grudge you want settled? Look no further! Post to the Times Rumor section to contact us. ------------------------------------------------ Tonight's Creature Feature... 'Normal' people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Programmers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet... paraphrased from Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle ------------------------------------------------ Plat du Jour at the Blue Turtle is Roasted Guardian Angel Wings with Peri-Peri Sauce! ------------------------------------------------ Plat du Jour at the Blue Turtle is Roasted Guardian Angel Wings with Peri-Peri Sauce! ------------------------------------------------ Eys for size says: Armies is travling to the city "A" bewear ------------------------------------------------ The Explorers' Guild are the running-dog lackeys of the Knights of Cervinore. ------------------------------------------------ Plat du Jour at the Blue Turtle is Roasted Guardian Angel Wings with Peri-Peri Sauce! ------------------------------------------------ The Explorers' Guild are the running-dog lackeys of the Knights of Cervinore. ------------------------------------------------ Tonight's Creature Feature... 'Normal' people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Programmers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet... paraphrased from Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle ------------------------------------------------ The Bastek Empire are the running-dog lackeys of the Anti-Spleen. Up