Diplomacy zine -- Too big issue From: Eric_S_Klien@cup.portal.com Date: Tue, 11 Jul 1989 00:32:21 +0000 Issue #78 of ELECTRONIC PROTOCOL: ******************************************************************** CAUTION: The Surgeon-General is aghast that you would even consider having anything to do with this obvious menace to the public health, sanitation, sanity, and welfare. Now put it down and go wash your hands, your mouth, and your brain with lye soap. ******************************************************************** Fall '10 of the game PANZER (BNC number 1989H) THE GERMANS AND THE TURKS CONTINUE TO GROW! FRANCE DECLARES A SALE ON FROG LEGS TO RAISE MONEY! ENGLAND: A LON-BEL, F NTS CA LON-BEL, (A HOL SA LON-BEL), F KIE-BAL F DEN SF KIE-BAL, (F SWE SF KIE-BAL), A NOR SF SWE-SWE A FIN SF SWE-SWE FRANCE: A GAS-BUR, F SPA-H, (F GOL-MAR), F TUS-ROM, (F NAP SF TUN-ION) (F TUN-ION) GERMANY: A STP-H, A MOS SA STP-STP, (F GOB-SWE), (F BAL-DEN), A BER-KIE A MUN SA BER-KIE, A BEL-HOL, A RUH SA BEL-HOL, A BUR-PAR A BRE SA BUR-PAR TURKEY: A PIE SA MAR-MAR, (A MAR SA PIE-PIE), F VEN-H, A APU SF ION-NAP F ION-NAP, F ADR SF EME-ION, F AEG SF EME-ION, F EME-ION F SMY-EME GM notes: I have a proposal for an England/France/Germany/Turkey draw. And yes, F VEN cannot support A APU-ROM. France must retreat or disband F NAP. F NAP can retreat to TYS. If France does not disband F NAP then FRA must disband two other units, if France disbands F NAP, then FRA must disband one more unit. England had to disband A HOL. Germany must retreat or disband F BAL. F BAL can retreat to LIV, PRU, or BER. Supply Center Report ENG: BEL DEN EDI LON LVP NOR SWE = 7( 7) FRA: POR ROM SPA TUN = 4( 5) - GER: BER BRE BUD HOL KIE MOS MUN PAR RUM = 13( 9) ++++ SEV STP VIE WAR TUR: ANK BUL CON GRE MAR NAP SER SMY TRI = 10( 9) + VEN Press: ----------------- The Daily Ottoman ----------------- "Allowing the French back into that cesspool will not only give our troops a much needed break from the stench of Marseilles, but it will also enable us to liberate the poor Italians much more rapidly from under the oppressive shadow of the French flag." So said Royal Press Secretary Adrian Attik in reply to rumors that the French may take Marseilles back by force this season. Emperor Henry "Hank" Arrah had this to say: "Their possible victory there will only be a temporary setback in the French homeland. It is more than offset by the speed with which our great fleets move to engage the hopelessly outnumbered English. Personally, I feel that our troops have suffered long enough in that wretched city in any case." In other news, the Third Fleet in the Ionian reported that the French forces in Naples left behind a great many bottles of foul French wine during their hasty retreat from the once fair city, now in Turkish hands. "We were going to pour it down the drain, but we decided that it might eat through the sewage pipes," said Commander I. O. Nyun. "Perhaps we can use it to shell the French fleets with." Fall '06 of the game MAELSTROM (BNC number 1989AA) One person didn't submit orders, only game delayed in this issue! Spring '05 of the game RED STORM (BNC number 1989AB) (GM is MaryFW@cup.portal.com) Spring 1905 Results for Red Storm ------------------------- England: <F NWY-stp>, <F NWG-nwy>, <F <edi>-hold> Germany: <A MOS S *English* F nwy-stp>, <A RUH-bel>, A HOL S A ruh-bel, F den-SKA, <F SWE-nwy> Russia: <A URK-mos>, A WAR S A ukr-mos, <F LIV-stp>, A Ser-Gre Turkey: A SEV S *German* A mos, F BLK S A rum-bul, A rum-BUL, F aeg-SMY Italy: A MUN-hold, A BOH S A mun, A tyr-VIE, A BUD S A ven-tri, A ven-TRI F ALB S A ven-tri, A rom-VEN, F nap-ION, F gre-AEG, F EAS S F gre-aeg France: F iri-NAO, F lon-YOR, F NTH S F cly-edi, F cly-EDI, A BUR S A bel, A BEL H, A LPL S F cly-edi, F bre-ENG Orders inclosed in <> have failed. The final position of each unit is given in all CAPS. If the final position is inclosed in <>, then that unit must retreat. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Current listing or Supply Centers as of Fall 1904 England: Edi, StP, Nwy Germany: Ber, Mos, Den, Hol, Swe Russia: War, Con, Ser, Bul Turkey: Smy, Ank, Sev, Rum Austria: none Italy: Rom, Nap, Ven, Tri, Vie, Bud, Mun, Kie, Tun, Gre France: Par, Bre, Mar, Lon, Lpl, Spa, Por, Bel ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Press: ITALY TAKES GREECE, MUNICH, and BUDAPEST. In the spring Italian forces moved into Munich, and set up to take Greece, then in the fall they took Greece and Budapest. Italy now controls all of Austria-Hungry and most of Germany. Rumours are that they will be building new armies to continue their expansion into Gremany, Turkey, and Russia. In a seperate event a Turkish army moved into Sevastopol in response to a Russian fleet moving into Constantinople; Germany attempted to take Norway from England; England, Russia, and Germany clashed in St. Petersburg; France took Liverpool again and also moved into the North Sea; and France repeled a joint German-English invasion. With the rest of the world at war it seems that the Italians will have no major problems taking over whatever they want, unless the minor nations suddenly stop their squabbling and work together.{ However it seems unlikly that this will happen because many of the contries have locked horns and seem more concerned with hurting their enemies then with helping themselves. The Austrian Observer. ROME TIMES: Lord Valentine (the Italian prime minister) told the Italian people that soon both Ankara and Moscow will be Italian. He said that this is possible becuase Italy can move easily into both countries while they fight the Russo-Turkish war. In a seperate speech Lord Valentine said that "... while Germany will be harder to take because it is not really involved in any major war besides with us, we should still be able to hold our present position and continue to expand into Germany", he closed with "Hopefully we should be in Berlin by the fall." Please make sure that all men 18-35 report to your draft board. Uncle Vinnie Needs YOU! Let's end the game, it's disgusting. France and Italy win. Please. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Red Storm GM Notes: First things first. The vote on an France/Italy draw has failed for a second time. The vote this time was 3 no and 1 yes. We do have a currect purposal for an Italian victory. Vote on it! As many of you noticed these results were promices for last Wensdays posting and didn't make it.{ This was due to one of the players not getting the results until Wensdays or Tursday.{ I'm looking into this and trying to find some way to keep this from happening again. The only 'retreat' I can see would be the English F in Edi. But as it has nowhere to retreat to, we might as well disband it now. This will be the posted result this Wensday unless someone can see something I missed. Not all that uncommon really. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Fall '04 of D-DAY (BNC number 1989AW) (GM is Pav@cs.duke.edu/Paul Vick) AUSTRIA DIES! TURKEY ON THE ROPES AS ITALY EXPANDS? England: F Cly-LIV, <F NTH S F Eng>, F ENG S F Nth, F NOR S F Nth, F Bar-NRG, A MOS S Russian A War Germany: F Hel-HOL, F Ska-SWE, <F DEN-Nth>, F BEL S F Den-Nth, A Ruh-MUN, A PRU S A Sil-War, <A SIL-War> Russia: A Rum-GAL, A BUL S F Con, A CON S F Bla-Ank, F Bla-ANK, A WAR H Austria: <A <GRE> H> Turkey: A SMY S A Ank-Con, <A <ANK>-Con> Italy: A Bud-VIE, A Tri-TYR, F Alb-GRE, A SER S F Alb-Gre, F Ion-AEG, F Tyr-GOL, A PIE H France: A Bur-PAR, A MAR H, F Iri-NAT, F Mao-IRI, A BRE H Orders inclosed in <> have failed. The final position of each unit is listed in all CAPS. If the final position is listed in <> then that unit must retreat. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Press: EUROPE DOES THE TIME WARP AGAIN! Zurich (AP) - For the second week in a row, Europe has been mysteriously afflicted with what has come to be popularly known as the "Time Warp". Since last Monday, millions of citizens all across the continent suddenly have become possessed with the desire to gyrate wildly and watch campy B-movies every Saturday at midnight. Predictably, this strange phenmenon has brought European diplomatic activity to a near standstill as the reliability of transmitted messages among countries dropped sharply. "It's a mess," one Austrian diplomat was quoted as saying, "people are throwing pieces of toast all over the streets and dressing up in strange clothing! How can we run an empire like this?" Anonymous sources in a number of European governments also revealed that many members of the royal families had been affected by the "Time Warp", although this was strenously denied by all royal press secretaries. Scientists are cooperating in an attempt to find a cure, so far with little luck. "We thought we might shock them the victims out of their craze by showing them old Elvis movies," one doctor was quoted as saying, "but that just seemed to drive them even further into their frenzy..." [GM Note - All press originating out of Switzerland will be provided by myself. I encourage all players to submit press!] The Czar Bowls a Perfect Game! Czar Nicholas the sportmanslike, who it was previously reported has abdicated the throne of Empire in favor of a Trans-Europe Bowling Tour, bowled a perfect 300 game in the Warsaw invitational. Although the game was marred by some controversy in the fifth frame when it appeared that a mysterious hand reached out from the pin setters position and dislodged a ten pin that many observers felt had no chance of falling. "He missed the pocket by a mile", one was quoted, "I smell a rat". And indeed perhaps he did, for the Czars new Italian Valet was suspiciously absent during the entire game, appearing only after the tenth frame was completed. General announcement from Turkey: I will be out of town from July 4 to July 17> My government-approved replacement is Dave Francetic at dxf%beta@lanl.gov. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Paul's Notes: This turn was late due to a player's difficulty in recieving Internet mail and not knowing my number which I (foolishly) forgot to send out as promised. From this day forward, until further notice, my phone number is (919) 684- 1423. I'm not in all that much, but I will be around when deadlines occur, so if all else fails, try me at 10pm on the day of the deadline. Austria has lost his last supply center and, after a heavy week of partying in Greece, falls. Turkey needs to disband or retreat A Ankara. Retreats and builds will be due at 10pm on Sunday, July 9th. From that point we're going to try and get on a regular schedule with Spring of '05 due at 10pm Sunday, July 16th - no more Time Warp... Centers: England: +0 / Lon, Liv, Edi, Nwy, Mos, StP Germany: +0 / Ber, Kie, Mun, Hol, Den, Bel, Swe Russia: +1 / War, Sev, Rum, Con, Bul, Ank Turkey: -2 / Smy Austria: -1 Fleeing to South America Italy: +2 / Rom, Nap, Ven, Tri, Vie, Tun, Bud, Ser, Gre France: +0 / Par, Bre, Mar, Spa, Por -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Winter '04 of D-DAY (BNC number 1989AW) (GM is Pav@cs.duke.edu/Paul Vick) Russia builds A Sev Italy builds F Nap, A Ven ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Press: THE CZAR'S BOWLING BALL IS LOST! The Czar's bowling ball turned up missing after last week's trans-Europe competation in Warsaw. German sabatours are suspected of the foul deed. Russian troops are scouring the countryside in hopes of capturing the thief before the prize relic can be sprited back to Berlin. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Paul's Notes: Winter has arrived without a hitch... Apparently there was some confusion as to what the deadlines are/were - my apologies for that. Winter '04 was due at 10pm yesterday (Sunday, July 9th) due to the half-week delay in getting Fall '04 out. Spring '05 will be due next Sunday (July 16th) at 10pm, at which point we should be getting back on a regular weekly schedule. If this is still causing confusion, just let me know... Fall '03 of NAVARONE (BNC number 1989AX) (GM is Pwoodruf@orion.cf.uci.edu/Peter Woodruff) AUSTRIA: F Gre S Italian F Tun - Ion, F Alb S F Gre, A Ser S F Gre, A Gal hold, A Vie - Boh ENGLAND: A Edi - Nwy, F Nwg C A Edi - Nwy, F Nth S A Edi - Nwy, F Ska S German F Bal - Swe, (A Bel - Hol)*, (F Hol - Kie)** FRANCE: F Mid - Eng, F Spa - Mid, A Mun - Kie, A Ruh S A Mun - Kie, A Pic - Bel, A Bur S A Pic - Bel GERMANY: F Den S F Bal - Swe, F Bal - Swe, A Kie - Ber ITALY: A Boh - Mun, A Tyr S A Boh - Mun, A Rom - Nap, (F Tun - Ion)# RUSSIA: (F Swe S A Nwy)##, (A Nwy S F Swe)%, A Sil - War, A Pru S A Sil - War, A Ukr S F Rum, F Rum S Turkish A Bul TURKEY: F Aeg S F Ion, F Ion S F Gre, A Bul S Russian A Rum, A Con S A Bul Notes: * Own unit fails to move; unit dislodged and must disband ** Defeated by French A Mun - Kie supported by A Ruh # Fails to dislodge equally supported Turkish fleet ## Support cut by attack from Bal; unit dislodged % Support cut by attack from Edi; unit dislodged Retreats: RUSSIA: A Nwy - StP, F Swe - Bot Units: AUSTRIA: A Boh, A Gal, A Ser, F Alb, F Gre ENGLAND: F Nwg, A Nor, F Ska, F Nth, F Hol FRANCE: A Kie, A Bel, A Ruh, A Bur, F Mid, F Eng GERMANY: F Den, F Swe, A Ber ITALY: A Mun, A Tyr, A Nap, F Tun RUSSIA: A StP, F Bot, A Pru, A War, A Ukr, F Rum TURKEY: A Bul, A Con, F Ion, F Aeg Supply Centers (_gained_/(lost)) and Builds/Disbandments (+n/=/-n) AUSTRIA: Home, Ser, Gre (=) ENGLAND: Home, (Bel), Nwy, Hol (-1) (A Bel disbands) FRANCE: Home, Por, Spa, (Mun), _Bel_, _Kie_ (+1) GERMANY: Ber, (Kie), Den, _Swe_ (=) ITALY: Home, Tun, _Mun_ (+1) RUSSIA: Home, Rum, (Swe) (-1) TURKEY: Home, Bul (=) BUILD/DISBAND orders due Midnight (EDT), Friday, July 7. *********************************************************************** Press: ****** ANGLO-FRENCH ALLIANCE SHATTERED! TROOPS PERISH AT OSTEND Italians Occupy Munich; Standoff in the Southeast Russians retreat from Scandinavia Brussels (Belgiessche' Nieuwsagentie) Scenes of high tragedy were reported on the beaches of Ostend as desperate British troops attempted to flee the sudden attack which surged over our southern borders in September, apparently breaking the alliance between France and Britain which had existed since the beginning of general hostilities. The British North Sea fleet, not anticipating the crisis, is in Norwegian waters assisting with an attack on the Russian armies there. A brave attempt was made to take the British forces off with a fleet of fishing boats and ferries, but this was disrupted by French fleets in the Channel. It appears that the entire British army has been destroyed or taken captive. In a related development it is reported from London that the British high command has sent an urgent message to all units to rally to the defense of the home islands. Earl Grey of the Home Office is rumored to be enroute to Berlin by Zeppelin to solidify a German alliance in the face of French perfidy. The Kaiser's plans for a South American trip seem to have been deferred. Italy's forces marched into Munich, hoping to sample that city's justly famous beer. They are closely followed by their Austrian allies. It is not yet clear whether they will be challenging the French juggernaut. The success in Munich helped to assuage public unrest in Calabria over the presence of the Turkish fleet and the continued failure of the joint fleets to expel the Musselmen from the Ionian. In Scandinavia, Russian forces fell victim to a joint Anglo- German attack; in a statement, Count Propagandov of the Imperial Army's press office blamed unrest in the ranks for these defeats. "We have reason to believe that subversive Communist elements were responsible for the mutiny on the cruiser Potemkin which undermined our valiant defense against the German fleets in Sweden," stated the Count. Special units of the Secret Police are now on duty with all units of the defense forces. ------------------------- LEADERS OF AUSTRIA AND ITALY REVEALED TO BE ELVIS! Vienna (Weekly World News Exclusive) Researchers deep in the heart of Bulgaria have recently proven through advanced photographic methods that the King of Italy and Emperor of Austria- Hungary are actually both Elvis in disguise! "Frankly, we were shocked when our results came out they way they did," commented one researcher, "but after looking at the photographs there's no room for doubt - Italy and Austria are both controlled by the King of Rock 'n Roll himself." The team stumbled onto this amazing discovery quite by accident, head scientist Boris Yatiskin explained, but soon the pieces began to fall into place. "The evidence really is overwhelming - after all, neither one has been seen in public with the other and yet their countries seem to get along incredibly well - almost unnaturally well..." At the release of their report, thousands of Elvis fans from across the Balkans flocked to both Rome and Vienna in the hopes of getting a glimpse of Elvis in person. "It's so exciting," one Serbian woman said, "after buying the 'Elvis tape', I *knew* he was still alive..." Representatives from the Italian and Austrian government refused to comment on the report. ---------------------------- MUTINY AT SEA! (Le Monde -- PARIS) Apparently bored by two years of blockade duty off the coast of Spain, the French Navy has disobeyed direct orders and sailed north. It appears they are off to join the English. "England appreciates its navy", said Vice-Admiral Pamplemousse. "The navy is the vanguard of the English forces -- it's not left behind to guard some backwater province!" "This couldn't have happened at a worse time", said a government spokesman. "The Italian war machine is on the move! We need our navy in the Mediterranean now more than ever! Our peace-keeping forces in Munich has been forced to retreat to Kiel by an treacherous attack from Italy. In order to prevent further Italian expansion, we have moved reinforcements to Belgium. The situation is under control, but we hope our English friends will send our fleets back south where they are needed." President Le Phoenix was unavailable for comment. His e-mail link was down. ******************************************** Pete's Points: Thanks to all for timely orders, despite various difficulties Apparently Turkey (M L Roberts) has lost his link to me; I'll let you (all) know when this is sorted out. As far as I know, he is still getting my messages. Various vacations are coming up; I'ld prefer that we try to keep to our 10-day schedule if possible, but may have to go to two weeks for one or two turns. Please, everybody let me know any plans you have, and I'll try to put together a schedule for the summer. In the meantime, spring 1904 deadline will be 10 pm EDT, Sunday, July 16. I would like everybody to send me a message at pete@ontek.com; that is an alternate address which may be more permanent than this one. On the other hand, it only gets mail once a day. I'll keep this account going as long as I can. The twenty-second national Diplomacy convention (Dipcon) will be taking place July 28-30 in San Diego. There will be over fifty players from the US and Europe in attendance, including some of the legends of the hobby. I'll be there, and urge any of you who can to join the fun. Information is available from Larry Peery at (619) 582-2904. Snail Mail: Dipcon, PO Box 8416, San Diego, CA, 92102. Autumn and Winter '03 of NAVARONE (BNC number 1989AX) (GM is Pwoodruf@orion.cf.uci.edu/Peter Woodruff) Builds/(Disbands) for WINTER 1903 ENGLAND: (A Bel) FRANCE: A Bre ITALY: F Rom RUSSIA: (F Bot) Units: AUSTRIA: A Boh, A Gal, A Ser, F Alb, F Gre ENGLAND: F Nwg, A Nor, F Ska, F Nth, F Hol FRANCE: A Kie, A Bel, A Ruh, A Bur, F Mid, F Eng, A Bre GERMANY: F Den, F Swe, A Ber ITALY: A Mun, A Tyr, A Nap, F Tun, F Rom RUSSIA: A StP, A Pru, A War, A Ukr, F Rum TURKEY: A Bul, A Con, F Ion, F Aeg ***************************************** Press: ******* SULTAN TELLS PLANS Athens - December 5, 1903 Intrepid reporter David Brown of the Upper Bottom Recorder, finally tracked down the Sultan of Greece, "Mark one", on the flagship of the second Turkish fleet. DB: I've heard it said, your excellency, that you intend to turn your Empire into a peoples republic? MO: Yep! DB: Does this mean votes for all? MO: Eh? Oh no, no, no, I aernt decided which people it's gonna be a republic of, like, probly just me'n' a few of the lads. (displaying a suspiciously good knowledge of colloquial (north London) English) DB: I see well what about these fleet movements? MO: Oh that's cleared up now. DB: Pardon? MO: The Dysentry I suffered from in the Eastern Med, it's cleared up. DB: I was refering to the movements of the navy! MO: Well its, these for'ners you know, I mean first the Itai's break their pact then the Austrin Emprur tricks me, and as for the frogs, well, all I can say is ther'll be blood! Our hero shuddered as he realised that serious fighting was a distinct possibility and wished for the umpteenth time that had listened to his mother and become a bank clerk. ************************** Pete's Points: I have been experiencing some problems; incoming mail has been erratic. Hopefully these will clear themselves up soon. Here are the builds for 1903; next move is due Sunday, July 16. I have sent you all a message from my other address; let me know if you don't get anything. Spring '02 of BLITZKRIEG (BNC number 1989HL) (GM is Dougi@astro.as.utexas.edu/Doug Ingram) **** LAST ONE INTO THE IONIAN IS AN EXXON TANKER CAPTAIN!! **** Austria: F GRE SF Italian NAP-ION, A SER SF GRE-H, A VIE-BOH, A TRI-VIE, (A BUD-GAL) England: F NWY SF Russian GOB-SWE, F NTS-SKA, F EDI-NTS, F LON-ECH, A BEL-H France: F POR-MAO, A SPA-GAS, A MAR-H, (A BUR-RUH), (A PAR-BUR) Germany: F DEN-BAL, A KIE-DEN, (A HOL-RUH), A BER-SIL, A MUN SA BER-SIL Italy: F TUN-WME, F NAP-ION, (A PIE-MAR), A TYR SA Austrian VIE-BOH Russia: A WAR SA GAL-H, A UKR-RUM, [A GAL SA UKR-RUM], F RUM-BLA, F GOB-SWE Turkey: A BUL SA Russian UKR-RUM, A CON SA BUL-H, (F AEG-ION), F SMY-EME Notes: Moves in () indicate bounce. Moves in [] indicate failed support. **************** Supply Centers: Total/(Units Owned)/Status Austria: BUD, VIE, TRI, SER, GRE 5 (5) England: LON, LVP, EDI, NWY, BEL 5 (5) France: BRE, PAR, MAR, SPA, POR 5 (5) Germany: KIE, BER, MUN, HOL, DEN 5 (5) Italy: VEN, ROM, NAP, TUN 4 (4) Russia: STP, MOS, WAR, SEV, RUM 5 (5) Turkey: ANK, CON, SMY, BUL 4 (4) **************** Unit Positions -- Summer 1902: Austria: F GRE, A SER, A BOH, A VIE, A BUD England: F NWY, F SKA, F NTS, F ENG, A BEL France: F MAO, A GAS, A MAR, A BUR, A PAR Germany: F BAL, A DEN, A HOL, A SIL, A MUN Italy: F WME, F ION, A PIE, A TYR Russia: A WAR, A RUM, A GAL, F BLA, F SWE Turkey: A BUL, A CON, F AEG, A EME ***************** Press: Rus-Tur: Sorry about the stab! --- The Times of London March 2, 1902 Sir John Campion-Defoe, Foreign Office architect of English naval grand strategy, met with the Prime Minister and the Inner Cabinet at Number 10 this morning. After the meeting, Sir John stepped outside the door and spoke to the assembled reporters, civil servants, and members of the public. Sir John first reviewed the recent occupations of Norway and Belgium. Those countries, he said, are now prospering under benevolent English rule, with all traces of the communcal strife only an unpleasant memory. In Belgium, the Walloons and Phlegmish have agreed to a new quadricameral parliament modeled after Westminster, and the Belgian steel and munitions industries have seen a happy turnaround in their fortunes. The great naval shipyards at Antwerp are working twenty-four hours a day. In Norway, the appearance of burly Navy lads has not gone unnoticed by lithesome Scandinavian lasses. The only dark cloud on the Norweigan horizon appears to be the intrusion of dark and surly Swedes in the east. Sir John announced that the British navy was cooperating with the Russian navy, which has had many submarines show up inexplicably in Swedish waters (some smoking, others not), in creating a zone of peace in Scandanavia. As in Belgium, Norwegian industry (especially steel shipments through Narvik and naval supplies) is enjoying unparalleled prosperity. The only question mark (no pun intended) in Scandinavia was in Denmark, where the somewhat churlish occupation by Germany had caused British ham supplies to be severely curtailed. Sir John pleaded for English patience with Germany, but stated that outrages such as the forced uprooting of tulips in Holland so that more potatoes and hops could be grown must cease. Sir John then went on to announce, to a hushed and tense crowd, the the movement of The Home Fleet into the Channel. The increasingly tense colonial situation in East Africa and the Kamerun has led the Foreign Office to attempt to ascertain Germany's attitude toward the situation throughout Europe. However, the German Armies and Fleet are currently making preparations for a major campaign, and the Foreign Office has been unable to obtain sufficient assurances from the German government as to whether the Benlerstrasse is only concerned about events in the Western Baltic, brought about by the sudden prominence of Russian power in that formerly Teutonic area of the world, or has more sinister designs. The British Expeditionary Force protecting Belgium is in a vulnerable position, said Sir John, and must be protected from any mishaps which might occur. In a dramatic moment, Sir John recounted briefly some of the many perilous moments in English history when only control of the Channel kept England free. At the same time, Sir John recognized the legitimate concerns of the government of the Republic of France for its own security. Extending the hand of friendship to Paris, Sir John stated that, once German designs had become clear, England would be glad to sail The Fleet to waters less threatening to Her neighbor. Other News from the Times of London, Spring, 1902: Rome (Reuter's) April 12, 1902 Diplomatic circles were shocked to-day by the publication in L'Oservatore Romane of a copy of a purported note from General von Moltke, German Chief of Staff, to Field-Marshal Francis Conrad von Hotzendorf, Chief of Staff of the Austro-Hungarian Army. This purported letter started with the admission that 'our proceedings in Holland are certainly brutal, but it is a question of life and death, and who gets in our way has to bear the consequences', and finished with a hearty Teuton 'Mit Gott, mein Herr Kamerad!'. The most controversial section of the letter, the third postscript, ran as follows: Gather all your strength against Russia. Even the Italians cannot be such mean dogs as to stab you in the back. Unleash the Bulgars against Serbia and let that rabble kill off each other. Now there is but one goal for you: Russia! Drive these knout-bearers into the Pripet marshes and drown them. Yours ever, MOLTKE The authenticity of the letter could not be established. [A note of reality. The preceeding was the actual contents of a letter from Moltke to Conrad on 5 August 1914, with the exception of the substitution of the word "Holland" for "Belgium". Conrad's reply included the following: Will Germany let the six English divisions land on the Continent without a naval battle? It would be grand to catch the transports and sink them. Source: Sir Lewis Namier, Vanished Supremacies: Essays on European History, 1812-1918. New York and Evanston: Harper, 1958.] Tangier (Reuter's) April 28, 1902 Count de Cherisey, the French Charge' d'Affaires at Tangier, and Freiherr von Mentzingen, German Minister in Tangier, announced today the beginning of talks aimed at reducing Franco-German tension in Morocco. The new Shereefian govern- ment in Morocco will also be sending representatives to the talks. The German side in the talks will be handled by Richard von Kuhlmann, Secretary of the Tangier legation and formerly assigned to the embassies in London and Teheran. The French and Shereefian representatives have yet to be named. Stockholm (Reuter's) May 2, 1902 The Swedish government today announced the sinking of a Russian submarine in Swedish waters off Karlskrona. The submarine was apparently attempting to penetrate security around the main Swedish naval base there, according to Bengt Hasselholm, Defense Department spokesman. "Repeated intrusions into our home waters have given us little choice but to respond with force," said the obviously distraught Hasselholm. Saint Petersburg (South coast) (Reuter's) May 4, 1902 Admiralty spokesmen today lamented the loss of the submarine *Gromyko* off the coast of Sweden on May 53 (Russian calendar). They stated that the submarine was on a routine training mission in the Baltic when the engine inexplicably caught fire. The submarine, surfaced and without power, drifted into Swedish waters, where it was sunk by Swedish coastal defences. "Such an unprincipled attack on a helpless vessel is tantamount to a declaration of war> roared Admiralty spokesthug Anatoly Vremya. Major units of the Baltic Fleet were being sent into the area in question, which Russia maintains is in inter- national waters. London (Times correspondent) May 5, 1902 The Admiralty today announced that British vessels from the naval force curren> ly occupying Norway will join with Russian vessels in patrolling the disputed areas in the Baltic. "We are glad to lend our support to the noble Russian goal of Freedom of the Seas, and hope that the seriously misguided Swedish government will see reason before more drastic actions must be taken", said Admiralty spokeslimey Rupert Murdoch. ---- GM Notes: All of the orders were received on time, and all of the mail problems seem to be cleared up. There are no adjustments for the Summer, so next moves will be due Sunday the 16th. OPERATION OVERLORD: Spring 1902 (BNC 1989HM) (GMed by Davisje@crd.ge.com/Jon Davis) MISCOMMUNICATION OR DECEPTION! YOU BE THE JUDGE! GREECE FALLS TO TURKISH ASSAULT! FRANCE AND ENGLAND DUKE IT OUT WITH GERMANY OVER BELGIUM! Austria-Hungary A Bud -> Gal, A Vie S A Bud -> Gal, A Tri -> Bud, <A Ser S F Gre>, <F Gre S RUS A Rum -> Bul> (retreat) [nso] England A Nwy H, F Nth.S -> Ska, F Lon -> Nth.S, F Eng.C -> Bel France A Bur S ENG Eng.C -> Bel, A Par -> Pic, F Bre -> MAt, A Por -> Spa Germany <A Bel -> Bur> (retreat), A Kie S A Ber -> Mun, A Ber -> Mun, <F Hol -> Bel>, <A Den S ENG A Nwy -> Swe> [nso] Italy A Mun -> Boh, A Ven -> Tyl, A Tun -> Apu, F Ion.S C A Tun -> Apu, F Nap -> Tyr.S Russia F Sev S A Gal -> Rum, <A Gal -> Rum> (retreat), <A Rum -> Ser>, A War -> Sil, A Mos -> War, F Swe H Turkey A Bul -> Gre, F Aeg.S S A Bul -> Gre, F Smy -> EMed.S, A Con -> Bul Retreats: Austrian Fleet Greece must retreat. (Alb or disband) German Army Belgium must retreat. (Ruhr or disband) Russian Army Galacia must retreat. (Ukr or disband) ======================== Europa Today =============================== BBC: Due to the Kaiser's insistence on attacking and occupying peaceful nations, the King today declared that any state of cooperation between Germany and England that may have existed is hereby declared null and void. Plans are now underway to rescue the several occupied neutral countries from the horrid German rule. The British people unanimously expressed their complete support of the King's speech, today in the streets of London. ===================================================================== _____________________________________________ OPERATION OVERLORD Spring 1902 Unit Positions --------------------------------------------- Austria-Hungary A Gal A Vie A Bud A Ser F *** England A Nwy F Ska F Nth.S F Bel France A Bur A Pic F MAt A Spa Germany A *** A Kie A Mun F Hol A Den Italy A Boh A Tyl A Apu F Ion.S F Tyr.S Russia F Sev A *** A Rum A Sil A War F Swe Turkey A Gre F Aeg.S F EMed.S A Bul _______________________ Supply Center Ownership ----------------------- '00 01 Supply Centers Austria/Hungary 3 5 Vie, Bud, Tri, Gre, Ser England 3 4 Lon, Lpl, Edi, Nwy France 3 4 Par, Bre, Mar, Por Germany 3 5 Ber, Kie, Bel, Den, Hol Italy 3 5 Rom, Nap, Ven, Mun, Tun Russia 4 6 StP, Mos, War, Sev, Rum, Swe Turkey 3 4 Con, Ank, Smy, Bul Neutral 12 1 Spa Retreats are due Tuesday, July 11th by midnight EST. Fall 1903 moves are due by Sunday, July 16th by 10 PM EST. Spring '01 of GETTYSBURG (BNC number 1989HN) (GM is Adams@multiflow.com/Steve Adams) Due July 16, 1989 Spring '01 of DRAGONSLAYER (BNC number not known) (GM is Genesch@aplvax.jhuapl.edu/Eugene Schwartzman) Will hopefully get started by tommorow. Maybe even later today! Spring '01 of DOUGHBOY (BNC number not known) (GM is Matt@oddjob.uchicago.edu/Matt Crawford) DOUGHBOY Spring 1901 ---Austria-----------------------------|---Italy------------------------------- F Tri - Alb |A Ven - Apu A Bud - Ser |A Rom - Tus A Vie - Gal |F Nap - Ion ---England-----------------------------|---Russia------------------------------ F Edi - Nwg |F StP(sc) - Fin F Lon - Nth |A War - Sil FAIL A Lvp - Yor |A Mos - Ukr ---France------------------------------|F Sev H A Par - Bur |---Turkey------------------------------ A Mar - Spa |F Ank - Bla F Bre - Mid |A Con - Bul ---Germany-----------------------------|A Smy - Con F Kie - Hol |-------------------------------------- A Ber - Kie |All moves succeed except those to A Mun - Sil FAIL |Silesia. ---------------------------------------- Positions Austria A Gal Ser F Alb England A Yor F Nwg Nth France A Bur Spa F Mid Germany A Kie Mun F Hol Italy A Tus Apu F Ion Russia A War Ukr F Sev Fin Turkey A Con Bul F Bla Supply Centers (new in CAPS) Austria 3 Vie Bud Tri England 3 Lon Lvp Edi France 3 Par Bre Mar Germany 3 Ber Kie Mun Italy 3 Rom Ven Nap Russia 4 StP War Mos Sev Turkey 3 Con Ank Smy Press -VIENNA- It appears that the Austrian civil war is over. Charles von Metternich, grandson of the famous Prince Klemens von Metternich, has claimed control over the disorganized Austrian army which has been fighting the smaller yet better organized army of Serbia, led by Milos Petrovic, the leader of Serbia since it claimed independence from the Austrian Empire six years ago. Charles, who has also declared himself Emperor Charles VII, has rallied the Austrians against the incredibly nationalistic spirit of the Serbians, calling upon his loyalist forces to recall how Petrovic and his forces leveled half of Budapest and ambushed the escaping royal family, beheading all of them but one, a youth named Charles, who now has become a man with a mission to kill the man who murdered his family, killed thousands of his countrymen, and wasted countless acres of Austria territory. The Serbian rebels have now been pushed out of Budapest and back to Serbia, but the Austrian army shows no sign of stopping. The new emperor has promised not to stop until Milos Petrovic is dead and his head hangs on the gates of the Royal Palace in Vienna. -LONDON- Meeting in an emergency session, both Houses of Parliment today declared war upon the nation of Norway. The reasons cited were infringement upon English fishing rights, talking with an odd accent, and consistantly beating our national hero, Eddie "the Eagle" Edwards, in the ski-jump. "We hope to bring the benefits of modern civilization to the Vikings of the North," said PM Benny Hill. " They don't even have one decent fish 'n chip shop there." Inside sources believe that PM Hill just got tired of woprking with the same homely English women and wanted an infusion of good Aryan stock. The Norwegian Ambassador, when informed of the news, was heard to say, "Vorhign das Knushtgoog jai Schuzeren Vinneguter!" Unfortunately, no one was able to translate this, thus bringing up another reason for the pacification campaign. Standardization of languages. How can we work together and solve the problems of the world, like 'is light a wave or a particle', or 'why do we park on the driveway and drive on the parkway', when we can't even speak the same language. (Or drive on the right ..I mean left..I mean correct side of the road.) GM comments: As you can see this zine is starting to get TOO BIG! I would like a guest publisher to cut and past ten games together and post this as chapter 1 of ELECTRONIC PROTOCOL. I am even willing to consider offers to create chapters of only five games. If anyone is interested in being a guest publisher, let me know! Until we get some guest publishers, I would recommend that you download the zine into a word processor, search for the games that you are interested in by using BNC numbers or game name, and then search for GM comments by looking for the phrase "GM comments:". Hopefully, we will be able to break up this zine soon! A few people are having a hard time sending RUNESTONE BALLOTS to Ebrosius@lucy.wellesley.edu. Those people should send ballots to Raymond_W_Setzer@cup.portal.com instead. Remember just to rate this zine between a 0 and 10. You may also rate any GMs in this zine from 0 to 10. (Integers only!) Last week I ran the following quiz: England: A Lpl -> Wal F Lon s A Lpl -> Wal Germany: A Wal -> Lon F Eng c A Wal -> Lon What are the results for this turn? Is the German army in Wales dislodged or did the English fleet in London have its support cut? Daybell@aludra.usc.edu/Donald Daybell responded: Re the contest. i would say that the German is gone. It doesn't matter how he got from Wales to London, just that his order was written as A Wal-Lon. A unit cannot cut a support of an attack directed at the province it occupied at the beginning of the move. I agree with Donald and will add this situation to my houserules unless anyone has any strong objections to Donald's ruling. I received the following from Mcvax!ukc!praxis!johnr/John Richards about my 1971 Rulebook article: > > Oh, and for the record the 1976 rulebook was an improvement over the > 1971 rulebook since it tells you where to get conference maps. > (The 1966 edition contained this information, I wonder why it was > left out of the 1971 edition?) > I wonder whether this information was left out of just the British printed rulebook. Perhaps the conference maps were only available in the USA. I agree with John's reasoning. I received the following from Srb@cbnewsc.att.com/Steven.r.bodenstab about my 1971 Rulebook article: In article <20149@cup.portal.com> you write: ] THE 1971 RULEBOOK ] By Eric Klien ] ] I received a rulebook copyrighted 1971 from John Richards/ ] Mcvax!ukc!praxis!johnr. ] ] Here are the difference between it and the 1976 rulebook that I ] reviewed earlier: ] ] 1) The words "the exciting game of international intrigue" are in ] bigger print but still in cursive. 2) The copyright notice is at the ] bottom of the page, not in the middle of it. 3) A larger typeface is ] used for the General Description text on the front page. (Therefore ] more lines are used since the size of the box is the same, limiting ] the length of sentences.) 4) There is no "No. 8916" printed in the ] lower right hand corner of the front page. 5) I am sure the back ] cover is different since the one I got was printed in London, I don't ] have the back cover for my 1976 rulebook. 6) The 1971 Rulebook is ] copyrighted by Games Research, the 1976 Rulebook is copyrighted by ] Avalon Hill. 7) The 1976 Rulebook tells you how much extra ] conference maps are and gives you Avalon Hill's address, the 1971 ] Rulebook gives you neither the price of extra conference maps nor the ] address of Games Research. Not having a 1976 rulebook myself I cannot make the same printing detail comparisons that you have made here, however my copy of the 1971 rulebook is in front of me now and I would like to make the fol- lowing observations: (Note-- My copy of _Diplomacy_, rulebook Copyright 1971, Games Research Inc., was purchased new in December 1971 at Marshall Fields [a local, high-end department store] in Schaumburg, IL.) 1.) { no comment } 2.) { no comment } 3.) { no comment } 4.) Correct. { otherwise, no comment } 5.) Nowhere in or on my rulebook is the country of its printing identified. I take this to mean that it was printed in the United States since it is my understanding that only items that are imported into the U.S. must have the country of origin identified. It appears you have a copy of the 1971 rules from a United Kingdom edition of _Diplomacy_. Additionally, in the center of the rear cover of my rulebook appears: "GAMES RESEARCH INC. 48 Wareham Street Boston, Mass. 02118" 6.) Correct. { not surprising since AH purchased the U.S. rights to the game from Games Research Inc. } 7.) Odd. On the bottom of page 11 in my rulebook it states: "Extra Conference Maps are available - 10 for 50c[ents] or 25 for $1.00. Send check or money order to: GAMES RESEARCH INC. 48 Wareham Street Boston, Mass. 02118" ] And that's it! In other words, I believe that when Avalon Hill took ] over distribution of Diplomacy in 1976, they simply reprinted the ] rulebook to get their name and address on it. Note that I believe ] that Avalon Hill only publishes Diplomacy in the U.S., I believe that ] other companies control its distribution outside of this country. Would that they could have simply left well enough alone and continued that practice rather than subsequently attempting to "improve" the rules. ] And for those who didn't read my previous article, the significant ] differences between the 1971 rulebook and the 1982 rulebook are that ] convoy rules XII.4 and XII.5 have been changed and rule XII.6 has ] been added in the 1982 rulebook. Which changes have resulted in illogical and bizarre convoy-related activities and increased rules disputes rather than clarifying the situation. Hardly an "improvement"! ] Oh, and for the record the 1976 rulebook was an improvement over the ] 1971 rulebook since it tells you where to get conference maps. ] (The 1966 edition contained this information, I wonder why it was ] left out of the 1971 edition?) Not true! See above. ] Looking at the rulebooks that I have received so far, I have figured ] out that the reason that the 1982 rulebook says that it is the 2nd ] edition is because it is the 2nd edition put out by Avalon Hill. ] This has always confused me since there have been at least 4 ] significant revisions of the rulebook. I'm surprised it took AH 5-6 years to rewrite the rules. Usually, for purchased games, their rules changing takes place prior to their first release of the games under the Avalon Hill banner. Such was the case with _Wooden Ships & Iron Men_, _Kingmaker_, and _Fury in the West_. By the way, Eric, my offer of yesterday to send you a photocopy of my '71 rulebook still holds. If you want it, drop me a line with your U.S. Mail address. Keep up the good work! Steve My response is to ask Steve for an example of how the 1982 rulebook is inferior to the 1971 rulebook. To help him out, I will remind him that there were only three changes in the 1982 rulebook. Rules XII.4 and XII.5 were changed, and XII.6 was added. Oh and note that it looks like John Richard was right about the U.S. edition mentioning the conference maps and the U.K. edition not doing so. To give you an example of extreme e-mail troubles, read the following message from doug@astro.as.utexas.edu/Doug Ingram: I solved the Stewart Winter problem the hard way: I sent 24 different messages to all sorts of variations on his address I could think of. What worked best in the end was to route it through Harvard. It takes about 6 hours for results to reach him, but that is the best I can do from here. Just for laughs, here is the file of addresses I used along with my current player list file: stewartw@watmath@sce@cognos.uucp = 001 stewartw@watmath.waterloo.edu = 002 @utadnx.cc.utexas.edu,stewartw@watmath@sce@cognos.uucp = 003 @emx.utexas.edu:stewartw@watmath@sce@cognos.uucp = 004 @emx.utexas.edu:stewartw@watmath.waterloo.edu@sce@cognos.uucp = 005 @emx.utexas.edu:stewartw@watmath@cognos.uucp = 006 stewartw@cognos.uucp = 007 stewartw@uunet@cognos.uucp = 008 stewartw@cognos@uunet.UUCP = 009 stewartw@watmath@sce@cognos.UUCP = 010 @utadnx.cc.utexas.edu:stewartw@watmath@sce@cognos.UUCP = 011 @emx.utexas.edu:stewartw@watmath@sce@cognos.UUCP = 012 @emx.utexas.edu:stewartw@watmath@cognos.uucp = 013 stewartw@sce.carlton.ca = 015 stewartw%watmath.waterloo.edu@cognos.uucp = 016 @emx.utexas.edu:stewartw@sce.carlton.ca = 017 stewartw@watmath.waterloo.edu@cognos@sce.UUCP = 022 @emx.utexas.edu:stewartw@watmath.waterloo.edu@cognos@sce.UUCP = 023 stewartw%cognos.uucp@watmath.waterloo.edu = 024 @orion.cf.uci.edu:stewartw@watmath.waterloo.edu@cognos@sce.uucp = 025 @orion.cf.uci.edu:stewartw@cognos.uucp = 026 @harvard.harvard.edu:stewartw@cognos@sce@watmath.waterloo.edu@harvard.uucp = 0> stewartw@cognos@sce@watmath.waterloo.edu@harvard.uucp = 028 sce!cognos!stewartw@watmath.waterloo.edu = 029 stewartw@cognos@sce@watmath.waterloo.edu@harvard.harvard.edu = 030 ** My caution at the beginning of this zine was taken from Erehwon #73. ** Taken from Voice of Doom #85: WINNING AGAINST A STOP-THE-LEADER ALLIANCE By Bruce Linsey It's been a successful game for you so far. You wheeled and dealed in the early going, and the alliance formations generally turned out favorably for you. One or two of the weaker players were wiped out, and you were able to take advantage of wars among the other powers to build up a strong position; in fact, you have become the dominant power in the game. As the clear leader, you are a threat to win. The problem is, all of the other players seem to have realized it all of a sudden. The petty wars they were fighting have miraculously stopped and the whole rest of the board is united with the goal of keeping you from winning. Under these suddenly unfavorable circumstances, what resources do you have that will work in your favor? You must write. Only under very unusual circumstances can you afford to take on the whole lot of them in a head-to-head conflict. If you are a great tactician with at least 15 centers, and the opposition includes poor players, or unreliable ones, then your better play MAY tip the balance in your favor, enough to win a straight up fight. But you cannot count on this. The attempt will be doomed to failure if the other players are at all awake. No, you will have to NEGOTIATE your way out of this one. One factor is on your side: time. As the game years slip by, time will inexorably take its toll on the alliance: they may screw up a move here and there due to lack of communication, disagreements may arise as to who should get which centers, old arguments may flare, boredom may set in. Your job is to accelerate this process of deterioration within the alliance. All multi-player alliances are doomed to eventual failure (although sometimes the game ends first). You must hasten the day of this failure so that when it finally occurs, you are still able to strike quickly and effectively for the win. Which brings me to the meat of this article: how DO you unhindge a stop-the-leader alliance which has formed against you? You must first locate, and then exploit, the weak links in the opposition. There are several things you can look for. One weak link may be a player who will consider taking second place to your win. If the guy is reasonably large and getting bored with the game, he's a candidate. Work on him gradually. Be patient; the whole situation requires much patience on your part anyway. After every (yawn) season, drop him a note to the effect that any time he wants to team up with you and end this farce, you're game. (A variation on this would be to promise him a two-way draw, let him stab his allies, and then stab him for the win. If you can make this promise with a reasonable amount of crediblity, this may work with a guy who isn't so hot on taking second to your win.) Another guy you should be picking on is the sheltered power -- the player who is sitting back at the opposite end of the board doing nothing because he has no common frontier with you. (If there isn't such a country left in the game, too bad. Sometimes careful advance planning will help to ensure that at least one power remains sheltered from you.) Christ, man, that fellow HAS to be impatient for some action! Titillate his fancy, for crying out loud. Write often and well -- he IS your best ally at this point, after all -- spouting grandiose plans for a great stab into the backs of the other members of the coalition -- an enterprise to which you will gladly lend all possible assistance. Try to inject a "you and me against the world" tone into your negotiating; after all, he isn't fighting ANYONE now, so why treat him as hostile? Just don't arrange things so that he becomes UNsheltered from you -- this fatal error will allow him to play an active rather than passive role in your demise. (Doomies who have read Randolph Smyth's excellent article on the Sheltered Power will note that I am here describing the same situation from the opposite point of view.) Other potential weak spots in the alliance would include players who for whatever reason bear grudges against other members of the alliance. You should not ignore such sore points; you must be actively fostering their festering. In an offhand manner, remind the guy who used to own Belgium that it is rightfully his. Instill fear: "So what IS France going to do with all those fleets after you guys take me down -- play with himself? C'mon..." Play on their sense of fairness; "Man, Germany's the one who stabbed you; why take me down instead of him?" Now bear in mind that if they're all competent and reliable players, there is perhaps nothing you can say that will keep you from getting knocked down to size before the alliance breaks up. But you must keep plugging away. Because the alliance WILL dissolve sooner or later, and you've got to find the chinks in their armor, insert your chisel, and pry it apart sooner instead of later. Taken from MAD #288: MAD'S HEAVY METAL QUIZ By Chris Hart 1. How do the members of Aerosmith spend their time off? A) Removing their mascara B) In the Betty Ford Center C) Helping the deaf to recover from their concerts 2. Heavy Metal singers grab their groins a lot when singing because: A) Tight leather pants rarely have pockets B) They need to remember what they're singing about C) Crab lice itches 3. Organizations that try to censor Heavy Metal lyrics believe that the First Amendment is: A) Only applicable to people who agree with them B) An oversight the Founding Fathers made C) Only a theory, just like evolution 4. Complete this Heavy Metal lyric: "I love you with all my heart _______" A) "But this song won't make the chart" B) "Tho' my hair will never part" C) "Kill your dog for Satan" 5. What do Ozzy Osbourne and a cucumber have in common? A) They're most frequently seen pickled B) Neither of them can sing C) They both have no taste 6. Heavy Metal stars who do anti-drug commercials are: A) Pissed at their dealers B) Starved for T.V. exposure C) Biggler liars than Joe Isuzu 7. Oil is to water the way: A) Yuppies are to cuisinarts B) Sugar is to kid's cereals C) Frank Zappa is to Tipper Gore 8. Heavy Metal's major contribution to music is: A) Songs that are logical and sentimental B) The use of rhymes C) Licking the guitar 9. Most parents think that Heavy Metal is: A) Something to do with uranium B) Fun for the entire family C) What good kids will turn to if they quit taking piano lessons 10. Every successful Heavy Metal music video requires: A) An educational theme B) A blond babe in a leopard miniskirt C) A large booze budget 11. Radio stations play very little Heavy Metal music because: A) Most heavy metal listeners are Amish, and they shun radio B) Their regular listeners would mistake it for static C) Even disk jockers have some standards 12. Billy Idol snarls so much because: A) It's no fun singing with a safety pin in your ear B) Whipping women hurts him more than it does them C) If fans look at his snarl, they might overlook his scrawny body 13. Women date Heavy Metal rock stars because: A) Their boyfriends haven't gotten paroled yet B) Men in the arts are so fascinating C) Heavy Metal musicians are the only ones who will date 14-year-olds 14. Heavy Metal album covers never stoop to portraying: A) Nuns in bondage B) Men dressed in women's clothing C) Anything wholesome I am enjoying moderating this zine, keep that mail coming! Eric Klien Up