WSGB Diplomacy #1 - COCHRANE From: ckd@bu-pub.bu.edu (Christopher K Davis) Date: Fri, 20 Oct 1989 06:23:51 +0000 COCHRANE Autumn '02 Winter results will *not* come with Autumn results (someone voted no). Winter adjustments and press due 11:59 EDT Friday. Moves: English A Belgium retreats to Ruhr. Austria retreats A Ven-Adr and A Vie-Tyr. Russia retreats F Nwy to StP/nc. PRESS: Turkish amry welcomed as liberators in Serbia. Marshall law expected to be ended in a few months. New Battleship "Serpent" commissioned on New Years day. It is expected to see service in the Med shortly. Sultan consults with Russian ambassador on the "Trieste" question. The ambassador stated that he needed to consult with his goverment before a definitive answer could be given. The Sultan replied thats OK as it will be fall before our troops will be ready for action there anyway. ------ The Kaiser strongly requested that the British Expeditionary Force retreat into the Ruhr region rather into heavily industrialized Holland, for obvious reasons. A British occupation of Holland could cause severe misunderstanding between the German and British governments, an eventuality which the German government seeks to avoid. ------ PARIS (UPI): French armed forces report that the fourth invasion attempt by German forces was successful. German troops now occupy French soil. However, they have failed to do anything of consequence, despite two years of aggressive warfare. The French monarch has appealed to the nations of the world for aid in thwarting the German menace, while offering them the opportunity to retreat and sue for peace. TUNIS (UPI): Rumors of Anglo/German concentrations in North Africa have proved false. French forces apologize for the inconvenience, and will leave as soon as possible. ------ Rome (AP) - The Pope announced today that the French are chicken turds. He later retracted the statement, saying that it was too complementary. He is rumored to have offered the Germans his full cooperation in crushing them into itsy bitsy pieces of slime. ------ London (Reuters) - High sources in the English Government say that His Majesty the Prime Minister is very upset about the Russian movements in Scandinavia. He was quoted as saying, "In doesn't make any sense for the Kremlin to break the Scandinavian pact with Germany and us, as it threatens a two-front war for them. We will not take insult to the strength of the combined German-English naval forces made by the Kremlin." Meanwhile, on the French coast, the BEF is in good spirits after the pro-French coup ousted it and King Leopold's government in Belgium. King Leopold was quoted as saying, "Those Frogs never say die but we will not succumb to any of their demands to unite France and Belgium. Our German and English allies will oust them eventually." ------ Russia: The General Secretary expressed great joy at the recent communications >from Germany and Turkey. "We are through with decadent circumlocutions and bourgois flowery language. The Soviet people and their representatives will speak clearly from this day forward in order to avoid misunderstandings such as those that occured in Scandinavia." Comrade Gorbachev then announced the Soviet foreign policy for the foreseeable future in a 5 point plan. 1. The Scandinavian people require the strong hand of Soviet administration. The malcontents in the Swedish fleet have been dealt with and the fleet is quite able to maintain the peace in the area. Of course, Scandinavia does not include Denmark and the Soviet armed forces have NO intention of ever visiting there; any unit that strays there will be executed summarily to avoid offending our German allies in any way. In fact, we are prepared to guarantee Denmark's safety in order to allow Germany to use its garrison productively in the war against the wine-swilling, pate-guzzling, cycle-racing decadent French. 2. The Black Sea maneuvers with the Turkish Navy will be terminated in the fall due to the continued incompetence of the Baltic Fleet. Their ships will be decomissioned and the sailors will form the new Rumanian garrison. 3. The Soviet Union has acknowledged Turkish rights over all territories from Serbia on south, including all Italian territories. The bumbling Italian army can no longer be trusted with the welfare of the freedom-loving people of the Mediterranean. The Soviet ground forces are prepared to assist the Turkish Navy in any attacks in the Med, but ONLY if asked. 4. The Soviet people bear no ill will toward the English workers and peasants; however, British interests lie rightfully on the European continent and the Iberian penninsula rather than in Scandinavia, especially since the British Empire cannot effectively fight the French while scuffling over Norway. 5. The Red Army and Navy is ready to assist its allies in any way in the war against the French, be it in the north or the south. No independent military action will be taken unless an ally explicitly requests it. In the spirit of glasnost, the Soviet military command publically announced its plans in order to avoid conflicts with allied armed forces. Turkish assistance is requested for the final assault on the cowering remnants of the Austrian army at Trieste; the attack will be coming >from Vienna. The army currently stationed in Bohemia will be maneuvering into Tyrolia in order to assist our German allies in a Fall assault on Venice. The battleships currently being refitted in St. Petersburg will move into Norway in the Spring. -- Christopher Davis, BU SMG '90 <ckd@bu-pub.bu.edu> <smghy6c@buacca.bitnet> "Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand." Up