Diplomacy zine -- Chapter four From: Eric_S_Klien@cup.portal.com Date: Wed, 06 Dec 1989 06:09:11 +0000 Issue #120 of ELECTRONIC PROTOCOL: Chapter One contains: NAVARONE, BLITZKRIEG, OPERATION OVERLORD, GETTYSBURG, and HMS HOOD And is published by daybell@aludra.usc.edu/Donald Daybell Chapter Two contains: DRAGONSLAYER, BISMARK, COLD WAR, JACAL, and TRENCHFOOT And is published by tedward@cs.cornell.edu/Ted Fischer Chapter Three contains: TANNENBURG, VERDUN, ENTENTE, MULHOUSE, and DAWN PATROL And is published by dragon@agora.hf.intel.com/Bill Wheeler (For the next month he will be sending it to me and I will be posting it on rec.games.pbm.) ------------- Chapter Four ------------- Spring '99 of the game INSANE (BNC number 1989ZZ) (GM is some crazy guy) No moves received, only press. Press: GERMANY: "BU-URRP!" ENGLAND: "Good heavens, Germany! What do we say after that?" GERMANY: "Must be a barge coming through!" ENGLAND: "WHAT do you say?!" GERMANY: "That sure tasted better going down than coming up!" ENGLAND: "Three strikes and you're history, kiddo." GERMANY: "Excuse me." ITALY: "Let's see what you drew for art class, France." ITALY: "Well, a tidy little domestic scene. A house in a yard ITALY: with flowers. How typically female." ITALY: "Girls think small and are preoccupied with petty details. But BOYS think BIG! Boys think about action and accomplishment! No wonder it's MEN who change the world!" FRANCE: "Yeah, what did YOU draw?" ITALY: "A squadron of B-1s nuking New York." RUSSIA: "Where are you going with the toy telephone?" TURKEY: "Out in the woods. You can come along if you'd like." RUSSIA: "What are you going to do?" TURKEY: "Try some bird calls." Shot of Turkey with a phone wrapped around his head. ENGLAND: "Uh-oh. It happened again." ENGLAND: "England wakes up without any recognizable features. Save two antennae. How disgusting." ENGLAND: "He oozes out of bed on a trail of slime. Lacking arms and legs, how will England put on his clothes?" GERMANY: "Aren't you dressed yet? You are so sluggish in the morning!" Austria is playing with his toy truck. AUSTRIA: "Nobody had better be sneaking up on me!!" WHUMP! ITALY: "It's hard to change direction in mid-air." AUSTRIA: "Buddy. I'm going to change a lot more than your direction." AUSTRIA: "Mom, can Italy and I rent a VCR and a tape tonight?" FRANCE: "I don't think so, Italy. It's a school night." AUSTRIA: "What if we got an educational tape?" FRANCE: "Like what?" AUSTRIA: "Cannibal stewardess vixens unchained." FRANCE: "Now, she won't even let us go into the store." ITALY: "I think we'd learn a lot by watching that." Fall '04 of the game RATATOSK (BNC number 1989IJ) (GM is jall@diku.dk/Mogens Jallberg) A draw may have been called, I am looking into this. Fall '04 of the game BUSHIDO (BNC number 1989IN) (GM is ronin@cory.berkeley.edu/Sam Parazette) DEADLINES Autumn 1904: Tuesday, Dec. 5, 10pm EST Winter 1904: Wednesday, Dec. 6, 10pm EST BUSHIDO FALL 1904 [] - indicates unsuccessful order Austria-Hungary(?) ================== F Tri S Turkish Adr Position Command: -------- F Tri Supply Centers 1 ----------------- Tri England ======= A EDI - NWY F NTH C EDI - NWY A SWE S EDI - NWY F DEN S German BER - BAL A STP H Command: F BAR S STP H Position -------- A EDI, F NTH, A SWE, F DEN, A STP, F BAR Supply Centers 7 ----------------- Den, Edi, Lip, Lon, Nwy, Stp, Swe Builds: 1 FRANCE ====== Command: F ENG - MAO A BUR S RUH H F WME - TUN A PIE S Italian ROM - VEN A BEL S RUH H A RUH H Position -------- F MAO, A BUR, F TUN, A PIE, A BEL, A RUH Builds: 1 Supply Centers 7 ----------------- Command: Bel, Bre, Mar, Par, Por, Spa, Tun GERMANY ======= A TYR - MUN F BER - BAL [A KIE - BER] F HOL celebrate Liberty! Position -------- A MUN, F BAL, A KIE, F HOL Supply Centers 4 Command: ---------- -JKKKKBer, Hol, Kie, Mun ITALY ===== A Rom - Ven [F Apu - Adr] [F Ion S Apu - Adr] F Tys S Ion Position -------- A Ven, F Apu, F Ion, F Tys Command: Supply Centers 3 ----------------- Nap, Rom, Ven Builds: -1 RUSSIA ====== [A Pru - Ber] [F Bal S Pru - Ber] Dislodged A Boh - Sil [A Liv - Stp] A Mos S Liv - Stp F Bul H Command: Position -------- A Pru, A Sil, A Liv, A Mos, F Bul Supply Centers 5 ----------------- Bul, Mos, Rum, Sev, War Retreats -------- F Bal Builds: -1 Command: TURKEY ====== [F EME - Ion] [F Adr S EME - Ion] F Aeg S EME - Ion A Vie - Boh A Bud - Vie A Alb H A Gre S Alb Position -------- F EME, F Adr, F Aeg, A Boh, A Vie, A Alb, A Gre Command: Supply Centers 7 ----------------- Ank, Bud, Con, Gre, Ser, Smy, Vie ===== PRESS ===== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Austria-Hungary(?) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (TP) - Two years ago today, Victor Schwarzenegger entered the remote Sarajevo Pass Monastery to contemplate the events which led to the invasion of his country. His last public statement - "I'll be back." And it now appears that Victor has returned. Command: Early this morning, a huge man was seen riding an enormous black motorcycle into Trieste. Both man and motorcycle were fully armored in ebony steel. The motorcycle drove straight down the center lane of the Via Trieste, through a 400-pound iron portcullis, and into the beseiged palace of Emperors Hans und Franz. Popular forces have been storming the palace for weeks now, attempting to rescue the Emperors from Turkish "Security Forces". The black knight drove up the steps of the palace, through the front doors, and announced to one and all, "I am... Victor. My country has been given... a raw deal. I have returned to pump [machine gun fire takes out 6 guards] you up!" He then proceeded to blow away scores of Turkish security officers with the tripod machine gun mounted on his motorcycle. Witnesses say that strange music was heard coming from Victor's immediate vicinity, and agreed that the lyrics had something to do with an inability to achieve satisfaction. Turkish security returned fire, but their shots were ineffective against Command: the armored form of our country's greatest hero. At some point, a grenade of bundled dynamite sticks exploded directly beneath Victor's motorcycle. Victor was thrown through the ceiling into the Emperors' quarters, where he encountered four armed guards, who he dispatched in man-to-man combat. Victor and the Emperors escaped through the steam tunnels beneath the palace, eventually resurfacing and hijacking a Turkish troop train. The train headed north at breakneck pace and eventually derailed, going 110 mph around a 40 mph turn. Seven hundred Turkish troops were killed in the "accident", but no trace of Victor, Hans, or Franz was found. It is believed that our dauntless leaders are on their way to America to appeal to the United States government, which has supported Austria-Hungary since the beginning of the war. Meanwhile, Turkish forces hold our country hostage to ensure our fleet's compliance with Turkish orders. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Italy Command: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lt Colonel Kemal dutifully reported the details of the meeting of the would-be revolutionaries to his superiors at the Turkish embassy in Vienna. The "honey- trap" had worked perfectly driving a deep wedge between the 2 infidel nations taht had been their allies so recently. It had been almost too easy, Viscosity was rather thick, even for a bu bureacrat, and General Kissoff was well known for his penchant for stabbing an ally in the back for a quick gain of a single center. Kemal wondered how long such a man could be trusted as he walked back to the bookstore that he used as a front. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- France -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The French government has declared this year - International Support Your Position While Rotating Your Fleets Year - and invites representatives of all Command: the Great Powers [and the Little Ones too] to join in the festivities by ordering at least two "support to hold" orders. Free cake and ice cream will be provided for all party-goers. [...and those really neat party hats, too.] In other news...there was no other news. ...and now back to our New York Bureau.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GERMANY -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To hell with the World! Everybody out of Germany Now!! I just had a talk with the KRUPPS. They have pledged their full support. So beware all you out there. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Spring '03 of the game HUGO (BNC number 1989IO) (GM is willis@trwind.ind.trw.com/Willis Marti) Not Received Spring '02 of the gunboat game VERSAILLES (MNC number 1989JErb32) (GM is sccs6016@iruccibm.bitnet/Gearoid Casey) GM may be having e-mail problems? If any players are able to contact him, let me know! Spring '02 of the game JUGGERNAUGHT (BNC number 1989IR) (GM is rdesper@eagle.wesleyan.edu/Rick Desper) ENGLISH IN ST. PETE! MED QUICKLY MILITARIZED! AUSTRIA-HUNGARY CONTINUES TO HOLD! RUSSIA ABANDONS HOMELAND! England: Russia: A Nor -> St Pet F Rum hold F NWG -> Nor A Ukr->Gal F Edi -> NWG A Gal->Sil F Lon -> NOR A War->Pru F Bel -> ENG (F GOB->Swe) Command: Germany: Turkey: A Holland to Belgium F Smy -> E Med A Ruhr support Hol-Bel F Buls ->Aegean (F Denmark-Sweden) (A Gre -> Ser) (Austria) A Kiel to Berlin A Ank -> Cons A Munich support Kie-Ber A Con -> Bul Austria-Hungary: F Albania->Trieste A Vienna S F Alb->Tri A Budapest S F Alb->Tri (A Serbia S F Alb->Tri) cut by Turkey France: Italy Command: A Par->Pic F Tun->W Med A Bur S A Par-> Pic (A Ven->Tri) (AUS 3-2) F Mar -> GOL A Tyo S A Ven->Tri F Por ->SpaS A Rom->Tusc A Spa ->Mar Press London Spring 1902 .. When asked about British military activity in Russia, the President replied, 'No Comment' ... The Albanian fleet once again tries to move to Trieste for minor dock repairs. This time, it will receive technical assistance (i.e. support) from Command: Vienna, Serbia, and Budapest. The Viennese newspapers were remarkably quiet about the war today, devoting all their articles and front page space to some new fashion recently come from New York... The Kaiser said the fashion was "a remarkable statement of the beauty of simplicity" and denied all rumors that the capitol was being moved. --silver-- Kaiser Great Austria The NKVD announced that the Imperial Russian Army has found the correct maps and has launched operation BARBARELLA: the invasion of Germany. Massive numbers of Russian troops have streamed into Germany, aided by the rumors of free beer, loose women and warm winters. The speculation that this action is in reprisal for the German attempt Command: to take Sweden is both correct and accurate. The Germans are being punished. Final positions A-H: F Tri A Ser,Vie, Bud Eng: F Nwy, Nor, Eng, Nwg, A St.P Fra: F GOL, SpaS A Par,Pic,Bur Ger: F Den A Bel,Ruh,Mun,Ber Ita: F Wes A Tus,Tyo,Ven Rus: F GOB,Rum A Gal,Pru,Sil Tur: F Aeg,EME A Gre,Con,Bul Next moves are due Sunday at 4:00 EST No retreats. Spring '02 of the game TOKUGAWA (BNC number 1989IS) (GM is joseph_harold_thomas@cup.portal.com/Joseph Thomas) (Still missing Spring'01 results) Not Received (Did get a zero byte message from him though!) Spring '02 of the game PETAIN (BNC number not known) (GM is ssmith@ms.uky.edu/Scott Smith) ORDERS: Austria (Quarnstrom): Italy (Capwell): F GRE - Aeg FAIL 1-2 F ION C A Tun-Apu F Tri - ADR A Tun - APU 2-1 A Bud - TRI A ROM S A Tun-Apu A SER - Gre FAIL A VEN - Apu FAIL Russia (Jog): A Vie - TYR F Sev - BLA F SWE S F StpN-Nwy England (Ames): F BULE S F Sev-Bla F Liv - WAL F StpN - NWY 2-1 F Nth C A Lon-Den FAIL DISL A Mos - STP Command: F Nwy S F Nth H CUT DISL A RUM S A Ukr-Sev A LON - Den FAIL A Ukr - SEV 2-1 France (Chow): Turkey (Bartlett): F Bre - MAO F CON S F Smy-Aeg F ECH S GERMAN F Hol-Nth F Smy - AEG 2-1 A BEL H A ARM - Sev FAIL 1-2 A Par - PIC A Por - SPA Germany (Hasting): F Ber - BAL F Hol - NTH 2-1 A Kie - HOL A Tyr - PIE Command: Capitals indicate final position of the unit. English F Nth may retreat to Ska, Den, Hel, Yor, Edi, Nwg, or disband. English F Nwy may retreat to Bar, Nwg, Ska, or disband. The retreats are due by 10 PM Tuesday. ----- UNIT POSITIONS: Austria: A Ser Tri Tyr Ven F Adr Gre England: A Lon F Wal (Nth) (Nwy) France: A Bel Pic Spa F Ech Mao Command: Germany: A Hol Pie F Bal Nth Italy: A Apu Rom F Ion Russia: A Rum Sev Stp F Bla Nwy Swe BulE Turkey: A Arm F Aeg Con ----- PRESS: Geneva: There was a mixed bag of results this time. Russia, Germany, and France had all of their moves succeed while forcing the retreat of two English units. The Italian North Africa Corps returned to Europe but the British Expeditionary Force's invasion was called off due to lack of transportation. Austria and Turkey had a clash in the Aegean with Turkey winning a hard-fought battle. Austria also failed to prevent the landing Command: of the North Africa Corps in Apulia. Germany took advantage of the Italian concentration on the landing to advance its Southern Army to Piedmont. ---------- Spanish Broadcasting System - we bring you the world; the way we see it! The people cheered in the streets of Madrid as the armies of France went to fight rebel factions in Portugal. "Finally", one woman said, "I can let my twelve year old daughter outside." There has been a rash of teenage pregnancies over the past year. Part of this has been blamed on the French forces being so amoreous. Film at eleven! ---------- Command: Norway. Excerpt from some underground rag: We are all excited at the prospect of liberation from English Rule. Also, we are not suprised at the political isolation of the Limeys. The English have a long proud history of failing to catch a clue. Waking up and smelling the coffee is not a notable English trait. ---------- Berlin Times, Best slant on the news. The Kaiser announced that he was going to declare war upon England. He stated that the slime has disregarded high level communication at all levels, and therefore deserves to die a slow and quite painful death. Command: In other news, The Norwegian People's Liberation Front called a news conference in St. Petersburg. They called the offensive measure taken by England against their country an abomination. They requested that all nations of the world unit against the English kinigits. (SP?) Germany announced shortly after the meeting that since war was being declared, what use was it to do more? Russia is rumored to have rallied forces to the cause however. This just in: an Austrian official is claimed to have said that Germany would be a good natural staging ground for total European domination. German Minister of State Karl Liethead has said that the matter is being looked into by the German Intellegence Agency (GIA). Austria has not commented about the validity of the claim. Command: In the Rhineland country, the grapes are looking good. "This is one of the best years ever", says a local grower. "The wine will be a bit fruitier than normal I think, Much like the Kaiser", he says. ---------- Vienna (Free Associative Press) The Austrian Government, desperate for war munitions is asking all patriotic Austrians and Hungarians to bring all of their shells, large or small caliber, and any spare dynamite they might have to the Ministry of War. Any citizen bringing in over 100 pounds of dynamite will be given a bye on his first draft notice. Command: Vienna Probe (All the news that's fit to primp) Zsa Zsa Gabor was executed today for slapping Emperor Gotterdamerung during an audience the Emperor granted to the young beauty queen. The emperors only comment was, "She will not be missed." Vienna Probe (All the news that's fit to primp) Our intrepid reporter spotted the young crown prince, Herman Adolph Gotterdamerung, wandering about the pillars of the Acropolis in Greece. When our reporter tried to approach Herman to ask him about the succesful annexation of Greece, Herman spied him. Before our reporter could ask him the question, Herman wet himself and sped off with a velocity quite astonishing for a young man who is the product of over ten generations of selective inbreeding. ---------- Command: Tunis TV - The only news in town. The people cheered in the streets of Tunis as the army of Italy went to fight rebel factions at home. "Finally", one woman said, "I can let my eight year old daughter outside." There has been a rash of teenage pregnancies over the past six months. Part of this has been blamed on the Italian forces being so nonchalant about rape, and the fact that the women in the Italian forces are a bit hefty. Film at eleven! ---------- Greece(AP) Greek citizens are confident that they will remain secure in the Austrian fold. Despite ominous developments in Italy and Turkey, the people Command: of Greece are confident that the Austrian first fleet will be able to handle any circumstance. ---------- MOSCOW: (Novosti Press) Grand Duke Dmitri will represent Russia at the forthcoming wedding in London of Queen Beulah II and the Duke of Lavery. Information in Moscow suggests the wedding is planned for late 1902. The Grand Duke was commanded to do whatever was necessary in order to satisfy the English invitation. Czar Rajeev IV has also dispatched a crack regiment of the Kremlin Guard to attend the wedding. The wedding promises to be a gala affair, since it is believed that France and Germany are sending large Command: contingents too. Sevastopol: Prince Yakov Smirnoff launched the new year with a successful naval battle in the Black Sea. The liberation of Armenia appears to be a more difficult task, but Prince Smirnoff has pressed into service the gallant Second Army from the Ukraine. Hordes of Azerbaijanis are also reportedly on their way to Armenia. Moscow: The Grand Patriarch of the Russian Orthodox Church has called for the unification of all the five Orthodox Churches of Moscow, Yerevan(Armenia), Sofia, Constantinople and Greece. He called for a Holy Crusade to liberate Orthodoxy from the grip of Papists and Heathens. The Grand Command: Patriarch appealed to the Czar and the Russian people to obey this Divine Dictate, or face the wrath of the Almighty. There is no direct reaction from the Kremlin to the Grand Patriarch's proposals. The Czar has appealed to the people to remain calm, and direct their religious fervor to "Holy Russia's righteous war effort". Meanwhile, it is believed that the Austrian ambassador was summoned to the Foreign Ministry, but no details have been revealed of the meeting. Smolny: Four junior officers were court-martialled and sentenced to exile in Siberia for their role in plotting a coup against the Czar and Royal Family. The Imperial General Staff has imposed censorship on all news about the court-martial, though a spokesman hinted that the the schemers were being aided by unnamed foreign powers. Command: Moscow: There were rallies and demonstrations outside the Austrian embasssy protesting against the Austro-Hungarian annexation of Venetia-Romagna. Several Italian students addressed the marchers and called for immediate Russian intervention, amidst the cheers of nearly 75,000 people. The Czar denounced Emperor Wilhelm's latest reported speech as the work of "the fanatic cabal in Vienna". The Czar lauded the proposal to return conquered territories to their rightful and original owner, and appealed to France and Germany to ensure that Italian sovereignty over Venetia-Romagna is restored. His Imperial Majesty is also reported to have suggested that the Emperor abdicate in favor of the Crown Prince, whose statements have been much less menacing. The Emperor was also been offered a choice between the Duchy of Murmansk and the Governorship of Vladivostok (with unlimited Command: rides on the Trans-Siberian railroad). As for the Emperor's suggestion that the Czar visit the dungeons of Vienna, the Czar indicated that he might be inclined to take up the offer; once Grand Duke Dmitri returned from the Royal Wedding in London, he could perhaps be dispatched to Vienna. ---------- The Leech'n'Sting Tatler ------------------------ Amsterdam - Residents here are eagerly awaiting the arrival of the joint Anglo-French forces that overthrow German tyranny. Monaco - The winning lotto numbers for the spring 1902 2.7 billion franc Monaco State Lottery: 02 03 05 19 32 41 49 63. Command: Our resident astrologer's predictions: The beaches of the Cote d'Azur will not be pleasant for tourists this summer. ---------- London (BBC): Should any of the Triumverate of leaders currently eyeing our Empire as oppurtunity for growth be thinking, you'd realize you are one to big in number. Certainly France and Russia are big enough and out of the way, but Kaiser Richard and his hefty mail bags are looking a bit defenseless. Diplomacy is a great, but a paper tiger burns up when things get hot. If Command: this Alliance continues, I'll be surprised. Few enter a contest for supremacy only to be a quarter owner. A few must be sacrificed. Maybe I'm next, but who's next, Richard? ---------- Sofia Probe Reports came in today of a planned attack on Serbia by Bulgarian forces. The Austrian governor of Serbia laughed and said "Those Bulgarians, they're such jokers!" His deputy sneered, "Yeah, right, in fact we're braced for an assault by the Bulgarian navy." --------- Command: Venice Probe (all the news) In a plebiscite held yesterday, 89% of the voters in this hopefully- soon-to-be-Austrian province cast their ballots in favor of incorporation into the Austro-Hungarian Empire. Luigi Linguini, the mayor of Venice, declared, "The people have made their feelings known; now it is time for governments to act." The King of Italy, faced with the prospect of losing his most prosperous and influential territory, had no comment. --------- Constantinople... Rumors from the Sultan's harem, indicate that due to the poor reception his majesties troops received in Bulgaria. The Royal fleets will seek more eager hosts, in other locals. Command: Over heard in an Ankara bar. "Argh!!" ----- DEADLINE: The two English retreats are due Tuesday 5 December at 10PM. Fall 1902 moves (and press) are due Saturday 9 December at 10PM. (If I have all of the moves by then, the results will be posted Sunday.) Fall '01 of the game DUNKIRK (BNC number not known) (GM is sjzwange@phoenix.princeton.edu/Steven Jacob Zwanger) England(Starkey): Italy(Sinha): A Edi-NWY [A TYO-Mun] F NTH S A Edi-Nwy A Apu-TUN F NWG C A Edi-Nwy F ION C A Apu-Tun France(Boyce): Austria(Soare): A Spa-POR A Vie-GAL F Mao-SPA(SC) A SER S F Alb-Gre [A BUR-Bel] F Alb-GRE Germany(Brandt): Turkey(Hauser): [A KIE-Mun] [A BUL-Gre] [F DEN-Swe] [A CON-Bul] [A RUH-Bel] [F ANK-Con] Russia(Lucock): [F GOB-Swe] A Stp-FIN F RUM H A War-UKR Positions: England: A Nwy, F Nth, F Nwg France: A Por, F Spa(SC), A Bur Germany: A Kie, F Den, A Ruh Italy: A Tyo, A Tun, F Ion Austria: A Gal, F Gre, A Ser Turkey: A Bul, A Con, F Ank Russia: F GOB, A Fin, F Rum, A Ukr Supply centers held (CAPS are gained, # in parens) England (4): Lvp, Edi, Lon, NWY Build 1 France(5): Par, Mar, Bre, SPA, POR Build 2 Germany(4): Kie, Mun, Ber, DEN Build 1 Italy(4): Ven, Rom, Nap, TUN Build 1 Austria(5): Vie, Tri, Bud, SER, GRE Build 2 Turkey(4): Con, Ank, Smy, BUL Build 1 Russia(5): StP, Mos, War, Sev, RUM Build 1 Builds are due Monday, Dec 4, 10 PM EST. Moves for Spring 1902 are due Friday, Dec 8, 10 PM EST. Please note a change in Press: it is now due with Builds/Moves. Steve Autumn and Winter '01 of the game DUNKIRK (BNC number not known) (GM is sjzwange@phoenix.princeton.edu/Steven Jacob Zwanger) Austria(Soare): A Bud, A Tri England(Starkey): F Lon France(Boyce): A Par, A Mar Germany(Brandt): A Mun Italy(Sinha): F Nap Russia(Lucock): A War Turkey(Hauser): F Smy Press: from Italy: Rome: Mr D'Alberto wished to express apologies to the German government. He had heard wild rumours about a "non aging compound" that was found only in the Bavarian forests. He had ordered one of his legions into the forest area to forage for these compounds. "We should have sent our hairdressers into Bohemia to fix their hair. What a waste of time looking for that compound. " Vatican City: The Pope congratulated his missionaries in Tunis. "They have converted the infidels in Africa! Now we shall see about giving them richer rewards." Naples: The shipyards have been busy this winter. Two more sailboats and a life raft have been built for the Papal, errr, Roman, errr, Italian Navy. The Pope was happy to announce that the launching of the second Papal fleet will take place in the spring. Press and Moves (Spring 1902) due Friday, Dec. 8, 10 PM. Steve Publisher comments: Did you like my press in the game Insane? (First game in this chapter for you slow folks?) Quotes taken from Calvin and Hobbes. Names changed to protect the guilty. Taken from Excelsior #32: THE TOP TEN RULES OF THUMB FOR ANGLOPHONES PLAYING IN A FRENCH-LANGUAGE ZINE (ll faut lire en commencant par le bas) 1. When really in doubt, write the way true French is spoken--use apostrophes liberally. 2. When in doubt, leave it out. 3. Every adjective is masculine until proven feminine. 4. All unknown verb infinitives can be approximated by using the English equivalent + "er". 5. For God's sake stay in present tense. 6. It's bad enough that the players have to figure out what in l'enfer you're trying to say. Do not extend this burden to the zine's readers. DON'T WRITE PRESS. 7. Never write about religion. Almost all French swear words pertain to religion. If you make an error, your ally may read it as an insult! 8. Never refer to other countries by their first initial: England, Austria, and Germany all start with "A" in French. 9. Write down in a notebook all common words pertaining to Diplomacy. Check the Canadian rulebook to see if the dictionary has it right. 10. Get a Canadian rulebook so you understand the French names of board spaces. *********************************************** Transmitted via scribe Bob Givan/rlg@ai.mit.edu *********************************************** Taken from Springboard #16: ............................ Why On Earth Did You Do That by Pete Mason ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ (How to Take a Stab) It's bound to happen sooner or later. The alliance you've worked at so hard suddenly comes to an abrupt end. You open your zine as usual to see how the planned set of moves has turned out, and are surprised to see that all your orders are underlined. Closer study of everyone's orders reveals the terrible truth: you've been STABBED. A common reaction is to go for an all out revenge attack on the stabber....which is seldom successful. If this is the player you have been working with, then it will take time to build a similar relationship with another player. Revenge is sweet, but it can wait: right now you need friends to recover from you setback. No-one else is interested in your personal vendettas, so bide your time. The opportunity may well come when you can stitch up your attacker, and you may as well do it properly. The secret, in this situation, as so often in this game, is to write to people. Perhaps that is stating the obvious, but it is surprising the number of people who, finding themselves in this situation, clam up completely. You need to contact people even more now that things have started to go wrong. The first person to contact is the person who has done the stabbing: point out to him the folly of his ways, how it was all going so well before, and that in all probability he's going to throw the game to some third party. If you can construct a convincing argument that it's going to benefit the new-found ally more than him, then so much the better. Tell him that you're surprised he's taken this course of action, but that you see it as a hiccup in an otherwise successful alliance. You can then go on to talk about the coming season's moves as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile you can plan for the worst, but judge your response on what his reaction is: If you get no reply, this makes your decision much easier....he's going to press home his attack. (Note to stabbers: Write to the person you've stabbed. You never know, you may be able to convince him it was all a terrible mistake. The following season you can really twist the knife and make the stab count.) If the stabber does respond, then you've got to judge for yourself whether he is sincere or not. If you've been in alliance any length of time you stand a better chance of telling whether he's sincere or when he's lying. Write to the new-found ally. See how interested this player is in turning the attack on the one who has stabbed you. Tell him that it must surely be to his advantage to work with you, since your combined attack will be totally unexpected. The other player who can help out is the one on the far side of your (possibly) ex-ally. This is why it is so important to keep in touch with every player on the board. There is (nearly) always someone on the other side of the board who is in a position to help out. If the only time this player has heard from you was a brief 'hello' at the start of the game, then there's no reason why he should come to your aid now. These distant alliances can often be surprisingly effective, even though they tend to be shorter and of a much looser nature than an alliance with a close neighbour. The attack on your ex-ally's other frontier will distract his attention, or at least make him think twice about pressing home his attack on you. But you can only really hope to influence a player on the other side of the board if you have been in fairly regular contact all the way through the game. The other advantage of these long distance contacts is that if it's you that has done the stabbing, you can immediately write to the chap behind you and try to ensure that it's not your back that the knife is going to be in next. Above all, don't give up. You may have lost your military strength, but your diplomatic skills can now be brought into play. Talking your way out of a stab doesn't always work, but when it does it's one of the things that makes this game worth playing. Pete Mason. ------------------------------------------------------------ And here we come to that second article mentioned in my opening comments. The letter that I mentioned is also further on, somewhere around page 12. I'll leave Michele's article to speak for itself, but I would like to get some feedback on it. Taken from Springboard #26: Postal Gaming and the Fairer Sex Michele Morris Ah, so you've noticed, have you? Yes, there are very few female Diplomacy players in this hobby of ours. I cannot think of more than six or seven women 'Diplomats' who live within the British Isles, and only two or three more living abroad. Even if we broaden the definition to include all postal games, I could only add another two names to the list. So far as I know there are no women zine editors, though there are a couple like Kath who GM and co-produce a zine. Why should this be so? Danny has given a couple of possible explanations which I'd like to examine in turn. Firstly he suggests that women don't like Dippy because of its wargame aspects. I suppose there could be a grain of truth in that, but if that were the major cause you'd expect the rest of the hobby to be replete with women gamers and that isn't the case. The non-Diplomacy games in Dippy zines do attract a few more female players. The word games like Jotto and Quadro-Scrabble appear to be particularly popular. But close examination shows that many of the women in these games also play Diplomacy. Non-Dippy zines fare little better. Women are still conspicuous by their absence in Railway Rivals and Fantasy Role Play zines. This might suggest that it is something about game playing in general and not just Diplomacy that acts as a turn-off to most women. I suggest that it is the competitive nature of games that deters most women. Games by their very nature have winners and losers. In order to win you have to compete, and to compete effectively you have to be aggressive. Society has decreed that women ought not to be aggressive, whilst encouraging most non-destructive forms of aggression and competition in men. Girls who compete in any field with men are deemed to be somehow unfeminine and not quite women. Few people would actually question the sexuality of these women in the open, but the undertones are there nonetheless. Women are only accepted in competition when they compete with other women and even then they tend to be patronised. When did you last hear a sports commentator comment about a male athlete's hair or dress sense? You hear that kind of thing all the time in women's athletics, but at least it gets shown on TV. Most other forms of women's competition are deemed inferior minority sports and don't even rank air time. This bias slips over all too easily into our hobby too. Many people feel that women shouldn't play against men because they are 'bound' to be inferior players. Many more think that women shouldn't play at all as it isn't a 'fit' or 'proper' hobby for women. Sadly, this attitude is expressed all too often by women themselves. It is a very difficult thing to go against your own socialisation. If you take a look at the women players in this hobby, you'll find they form a much more homogeneous bunch than do the men. Almost without exception we are mature, career-minded women, well used to competing with the men in real life as well as in the gaming situation. We are the few who can exploit the prejudices of the misogynist to our own advantage. The few who see their gender not as a hindrance but as the key to the whole host of strategies not available to a man. We are willing to take on the men on their own terms and b_e_a_t them! But we are rare creatures in more than one sense of the word. If you want more women in this hobby, then you, the male players, must make them more welcome. This doesn't just mean treating them as you would any other player in a game. They have to be encouraged to enter the Hobby in the first place. This means encouraging you wives, girl-friends and sisters to play board games in general. Many women are put off game-playing by the reaction of their men-fold when they beat them. It simply isn't worth the hassle a woman gets if her fella is going to sulk every time she beats him at Monopoly! Encourage your lady friends to read the zines you receive and to write to the letter columns if they have something to contribute. Persuade them to enter the 'non-agressive' games like Scrabble. Once they've got a bit of confidence and are made to feel welcome many more women would be happy to join a game of Diplomacy. I isn't the games that prevent more women from joining the Hobby, it's the outdated and biased attitudes of the majority of the players that is to blame. Michele Morris. ((I have three female players out of 170 players in my two zines. Pathetic.)) I am enjoying moderating this zine, keep that mail coming! Eric Klien Up