Diplomacy Zine --- The Lost Chaper From: tedward@durin.cs.cornell.edu (Ted Fischer) Date: Sun, 25 Feb 1990 05:07:53 +0000 Chapter Two of ELECTRONIC PROTOCOL: This chapter contains results from DRAGONSLAYER, BISMARCK, COLD WAR, and gunboat games JACAL, VERSAILLES, and MANHATTAN. Issue #136 =============================================================================== Results from Manhattan W02, S03 =============================================================================== MANHATTAN: Winter 1902 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- BUILDS: France: 1 F Mar Germany: 1 A Ber Italy: 2 A Ven, F Nap Russia: 2 A War, F Sev FINAL POSITIONS: Austria: 1 A Ser England: 4 A Lon F Nts Hel Wal France: 5 A Por Par Bur F Ech Mar Germany: 5 A Kie Bel Mun Ber F Hol Italy: 6 A Boh Vie Tri Ven F Ion Nap Russia: 9 A Rum Bud Sil Arm Ank War F Bla Den Sev Turkey: 4 A Gre Bul F Con Smy PRESS: ITALIAN COMMUNICATION FAILS WITH POPE'S SICKNESS ROMAN GOVERNMENT PLEADS GUILTY TO "OVERCAUTIOUSNESS" POPE PLEDGES TO SEND POSSE TO SERBIA AND GREECE GERMAN SHIPMENT OF TECHNO-POP MUSIC SEIZED IN VENICE ITALY ANNOUNCES INVASION OF GERMANY CZAR TO POPE -- "ARE YOU FRIEND OR FOE?" AUSTRIA RECEIVES NEW HOPE FOR FUTURE ENGLISH SHIPS PLAN LANDING ON CONTINENT ENGLISH-FRENCH RELATIONS REMAIN TENSE NEW AUSTRIAN KAISER SOUNDS FAMILIAR ITALIAN APOLOGY "RIGHT ON TIME" RUSSIA DUBBED "EVIL EMPIRE" BY OPPRESSED TURKS GERMANS SEEK TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF WESTERN STRIFE ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rome (AP) --- The diplomatic world of Italy has been in disarray over the last few weeks with the announcement that Pope Joe Bob I has come down with a fairly serious case of Waynitis. The condition, caused by the watching of too many John Wayne movies, quickly incapacitated the Pope as he found it impossible to address anyone without calling them "Pilgrim" and suggesting an Italian invasion "of the Western states, like Wyoming". He is currently recovering and is expected to be in good health very soon. [Sorry -- I really was sick, which delayed this turn, as well as cutting out my autumn press] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Vatican (Reuters) --- In a prepared reply to the Russian Czar's recent criticism, Cardinal Wendy of the Vatican said today that the Italian government was guilty of "overcautiousness" in their dealings with Moscow. "Well, we took a look at what happened to Russia's last 'ally', Turkey, and decided we shouldn't be too hasty in our decisions." However, with the recent commisioning of a new fleet in Naples and the forming of a new army in Venice, the Cardinal said that she felt that "a working relationship" could be easily established between the two powers. "We're ready to work with Russia, if they're interested." When asked about the Italian insistence on "force parity", Wendy said that "the Czar's two-front plea is a valid one," but only if Russia has two real fronts. "Currently, most of Russia's forces are concentrated in Eastern Europe and the Balkans -- this is the area in which we are most interested in some sort of equality." However, the Cardinal said, the Vatican is less interested in strict numerical parity than a general equality in the relationship, something which she feels is being achieved. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Naples (UPI) --- While visiting the shipyard where the finishing touches are being put on the new Italian fleet, recovering Pope Joe Bob I released a set of proposals for joint actions with Russia over the next year. "Well, pilgrim," the Pope told reporters, "here's how I see it. We kinda left them hanging, and I'm real sorry about that -- but we're willing to help, especially with this new fleet we got right here." The Pope said that the fleet would be sailing eastward with its partner in the Ionian to provide support for the Russian units, as well as moving in to place for a "liberation" of Greece from Turkish rule. This would also be in conjunction with the final destruction of Austrian rule by Italian armies moving into Serbia. "Well, we're gonna knock them Austrians straight back to Vienna," said the Pope, brandishing a six-shooter. "I'm gonna round me up a posse and head there right away." The conference ended at this point as the Pope saddled up his horse and rode away into the sunset. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Venice (AP) --- In a shocking turn of events, Italian Federal Agents today seized a contraband shipment of European techno-pop that was being smuggled into Italy across the Germany border. Techno-pop, comprised of bands such as Erasure, OMD, The Pet Shop Boys and The Smiths, has been illegal to own in Italy since 1897 when then-president Guido Smith listened to so much of it that he became unable to speak coherently and could only gaze listlessly around muttering about how "alienated" he was from the world. The shipment was reportedly from the powerful German techno-pop cartel Atlantic Records, and was supposed to be distributed among the youth of Italy. "How someone could do this to young kids, it's disgusting," said one investigator. The Italian government plans to release a statement on the bust later this week. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Vatican (UPI) --- Responding to the large volume of illegal techno-pop flowing across the borders of Italy, the Italian government announced today that they would be mounting a full-scale invasion of Germany this year to "staunch the flow of this stuff before it gets out of hand." The Italian government called on the support of the Czar to help stamp out this scourage, saying that "we hope to have Munich by the end of the year with your help." Once that goal has been reached, the Italian government would be "more than happy to assist our Russian friends into the pleasant city of Berlin" as soon as possible. "We didn't have the resources to take on Germany before," the Pope was quoted as saying, "but now it's time to go for it." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Moscow (transcript of meeting) --- "You're building a fleet in Sevastopol?!" screamed a blatantly shocked Commander of the Armed Forces. "Pope Joe Bob is going to have a cow!" "Well," responded the Czar, "Joe Bob can take his cow and shove it where the sun doesn't shine!! You know, the more I think about what happened in the Fall, the less I trust him. Here I ask him to distract the Serbian army so it can't support the Turks' attack on Rumania, but NOOOOOO, he keeps his army sitting in Trieste doing nothing. I could understand if he needed his troops elsewhere. But he didn't. In fact he was HOPING that we would lose Rumania to give Italy the time to take a part of Turkey themselves. I can feel it in my bones. Joe Bob is sitting there right now planning to move against us. He's debating whether to go for Galicia or Budapest, and all set to send his Ionian fleet east." "Hmmm. It's funny. I've had the same feeling all week. What do we do about it? We offered him an alliance. Do you want to withdraw the offer?" "No. What I really want is to get him to confirm the offer ... clearly and distinctly and with no ambiguity. So far he's been very careful to only talk about short-term and local cooperation. Let's cut a complete deal with him. We've already accepted his desired extension of the Italian empire into Bohemia, Vienna, Trieste, and Serbia. Let's offer to help him into Greece as well. But only if he promises to proclaim open support for Russian sovereignty over all lands east of the line Bohemia-Vienna-Trieste-Serbia-Greece-Ionian. We'll even offer to pull our two fleets back to Sevastipol and Armenia after Turkey is secure, but only if his support is beyond question. Until that time the operative philosophy is 'watch thine arse'. I'm also drafting a letter to the Austrians, believe it or not, as a backup in case Joe Bob tries to take Budapest next spring. They hate Italy even more than they hate Russia, and I can offer them something in their own best interests. OK. Let's move on. Relations with Italy were not the primary reason for this meeting. To bring long-lasting stability to Europe we need a solid alliance of three or four major powers. If Italy agrees to work with us I think we should get Joe Bob to let us invite England to join us. They are a solid, reliable ally. Perhaps France, too, although that's far more dependent upon Italy's preferences." "And what if Italy turns on us this spring? Then what are your plans?" asked the Commander. "Oh, that's easy. If that happens we invite both England and France to join us. And if Austria goes along with my suggestion, they will also have a place in the New Europe. I guess that's about it for our meeting. I have a letter to write to Austria. Remember, though, in spite of my high hopes for cooperation with Italy, at the present time they are not to be trusted." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Moscow (Pravda) --- In a surprise move the Czar sent a letter to the Austrian Kaiser. "Bet you never expected to hear from me, did you?" started the Czar. "Well, hear me out ... please ... if you think about what I'm going to propose you may decide that it's in your own personal best interest. First, I hope I'm addressing the right man. I seem to recall that earlier correspondence was with King Wilhelm. I don't remember any specific change of command, but I have noticed that recent Austrian pronouncements seemed to come from you. Second, let me be blunt -- just how badly do you hate me and Russia? My forces have conquered Galicia and Budapest, it's true, and I offer no apology for that. But on the other hand I have never treated you dishonestly. It was not I who pretended to ask your escort into Greece and instead advanced into Tyrolia and Bohemia; it was Italy. It was not I who called you 'good buddy', promised to support you, and then attacked Vienna and Trieste; that, too, was Italy. And, finally, it was not I who sat back laughing at your courageous decision to disband your only fleet in order to build a more useful army, and then captured two of your three supply centers while sending you a callous 'Sorry. Too late."; that, I'm afraid, was also Italy. So while I don't expect you to be particularly fond of me, I do hope that you can still keep some clear-headed perspective. Which brings us to the purpose of this letter. I am fearful of a double-cross by Italy this spring and I want your help. This is the deal I offer. It's clear and straightforward and I proclaim it openly before the world. My army in Budapest is going to hold fast this spring. I ask your Serbian army to support it. If you do, and if an Italian army attacks it, then I promise you permanent friendship. I pledge in those circumstances to help you recover at least one of your lost supply centers, or two if you should ever lose Serbia, and perhaps another as time goes on. I further pledge in those circumstances to maintain an alliance with you and assure you a safe role in a future, stable Europe. Of course if Italy does not attack Budapest your efforts will have been for naught and I will not be indebted to you. But at this point what have you got to lose? And we both know that Joe Bob is considering an attack on Budapest at this very moment. Respectfully Yours, The Czar of All Russia." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Foreign Office (Soleil) --- My dear Czar. We will indeed be sailing our Armoured Barge Company for Kiel in the Spring, and hope that your support from Denmark will produce favourable results. The PM. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Harlech (Soleil) --- "Germany is still the enemy", I cannot agree more my good fellow. That has been our thought all along, and this tiff with you has been most regrettable. However, in order to fully commit our forces to the eradication of the German pollution menace we must sail through the Channel. In return for your kind offer to vacate said piece of water I will again make the offer of helping you to liberate Belgium. Your compatriot, Captain James McLean ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Serbia (AP) --- Fortunately for the government-in-exile, the Wayne Newton reels never made it into Serbia. But the Kaiser has expressed interest in using armed force to support the Italian army into Budapest to retrieve the few remaining copies being hoarded by the Cossacks. "We figure it would make sense for the Papal crowd to attack from the direction of Trieste if they want to gain an edge on the Russians," stated Kaiser Ahmed the Peaceful. (Did I mention the old Kaiser had a heart attack? And the death of the Archduke as well? Well, the only person hiding in these hills with any experience was a certain Ahmed the Peaceful. Ahmed was only pretending to be dead but that is another story). When questioned about the mutual support fiasco into Rumania Ahmed replied, "So it goes. Russia can sneer all it wants because it is large enough to not depend on anyone else." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Serbia (AP) --- When questioned about the Italian "too late" apology the Kaiser replied, "It's never too late. We hoped you would realize our offer gave you Vienna without a fight. That an attack on Galicia would give you a better position against Russia. And that the Galicia attack along with a Turkish attack on Rumania would have prevented the Russians from gaining Budapest. Then, Budapest could have been handed over peacefully to the Italians. But now Russia is no worse off, and is issuing his stern pronouncements in the same 'you better shape up' tone of voice that he used with the Sultan." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We appreciate the fact that Italy has not helped Russia in her attack on us. We would like to see the non-interference to continue. And if Italy thinks she needs our assistance against Russia we are ready to give it. --- Ibdrahin the Wise, Grand Vizier ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Berlin (AP) --- The Kaiser today announced that diplomats were negotiating for a possible French/German alliance. "An understanding between our two nations is hoped, and will be an equal partnership in order to defend ourselves from the common enemy, Britain." The Kaiser further urged the French to maintain the fleet present in the English Channel in order to threaten British ports. Considering the amount of insult and abuse which has been piled upon the French by the English, 'twould seem likely that the British are not exactly friendly towards the French cause. =============================================================================== MANHATTAN: Spring 1903 ---England----------------------------------Germany---------------------------- A Lon - WAL |A Kie S (F Hol H) FAIL (Ret. ???) F NTS - Hol CUTS |A BEL S (F Hol H) F Hel - KIE |A MUN S (A Ber - Sil) F Wal - ECH |A Ber - SIL ---France-------------------------------|F HOL S (A Kie H) CUT (Nts) A POR - Beach |---Austria---------------------------- A Par - PIC |A SER S ITA (A Tri - Bud) A BUR S (A Par - Pic) |---Turkey----------------------------- F Ech - MID |A GRE S (A Bul H) F Mar - SPS |A BUL S (F Con H) CUT (Rum) ---Russia-------------------------------|F Con S (A Bul H) FAIL (Disband) A RUM - Bul CUTS |F SMY S (F Con H) CUT (Arm) A Bud S (A War - Gal) FAIL (Disband) |---Italy------------------------------ A Sil S (A War - Gal) FAIL (Ret. ???) |A BOH S GER (A Mun H) A ARM - Smy CUTS |A VIE S (A Tri - Bud) A ANK S (F Bla - Con) |A Tri - BUD A War - GAL |A Ven - TYR F Bla - CON |F Ion - AEG F DEN S ENG (F Hel - Kie) |F Nap - ION F Sev - BLA |-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------- A Kie can retreat to Ruh, Ber, or it may disband. F Con is forced to disband. A Bud is forced to disband. A Sil can retreat to Pru, War, or it may disband. POSITIONS: Austria: 1 A Ser England: 4 A Wal F Nts Kie Ech France: 5 A Por Pic Bur F Mid SpS Germany: 5 A ??? Bel Mun Sil F Hol Italy: 6 A Boh Vie Bud Tyr F Aeg Ion Russia: 8 A Rum ??? Arm Ank Gal F Con Den Bla Turkey: 3 A Gre Bul F Smy PRESS: POPE BEGINS YEAR WITH POETRY FROM WHITMAN POPE TO CZAR: "WHAT A GREAT IDEA!" ITALY WARNS AGAINST "DIVISIVE" FRENCH BUILD ITALIAN DECLARATION OF WAR AGAINST GERMANY RESCINDED POPE BREAKS NEUTRALITY IN RUSSO/TURKISH CONFLICT ITALIAN GOVERNMENT DENIES "FLIP/FLOPPING" CHARGES CZAR PROMISES ENGLAND CONTINUED FRIENDSHIP TURKS WARN AGAINST BEAR FRENCH SAILORS DARE THE DEEP ITALIAN COMMANDER BLASTS ENGLISH FOREIGN POLICY ELVIS DEAD??? ENGLISH STRATEGY OUTDATED 3rd LIGHT EKITHUMPERS HEAD FOR FRANCE ENGLISH FLEET RETAKES CHANNEL KAISER AHMED DEAD! NEW KAISER KANT READ GERMAN OFFER TO FRANCE CALLED INSUFFICIENT ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rome (UPI) --- To open the year, Pope Joe Bob I began by reading two verses from the American poet Walt Whitman's "Song of Myself" to the assemblage of Cardinals in Rome, saying "This bears very heavily on the events of this season": Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes) . . . . . You will hardly know who I am or what I mean, But I shall be good health to you nevertheless, And filter and fibre your blood. Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged, Missing me one place search another, I stop somewhere waiting for you. (v.51-52) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Vatican (AP) --- In response to the Russian threats last season against Italy, Pope Joe Bob I today said that diplomatic relations between the two countries was being severed. "I thought _I_ was paranoid," said the Pope, "but when all we do is fail to support an already bloated armed forces, the Czar immediately starts freaking out, offering to support everyone he's getting ready to trample -- it's too much". Later that day, in a personal interview with Dan Rather, the Pope admitted that Italy had been fully committed to a Russo-Italian alliance, "and we didn't mind him getting pissed about our failure to support him, but, hell, you don't go proposing marriage to someone else before your divorce is final." When asked about the Czar's fears of a move against Budapest, the Pope laughed and then said "Well, we really hadn't even thought about it until the Czar brought it up. But once we looked at it, it seemed a great idea! Guess we have to thank the Czar on that one." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rome (UPI) --- In a prepared statement today, Cardinal Robin, Assistant Minister for Foreign Affairs, warned the French government against any "divisive" use of their Marseilles fleet. "Now is not the time to start causing contention in the Mediterranean," the statement from the Pope read. "Attacking Italy will only further hurt your cause." The paper then went on to argue that, following the recent break with Russia, Italy will serve as a valuable buffer against Russian imperialism, as well as an invaluable aide to the French ally Germany. "We call for the removal of the fleet from the Mediterranean as soon as possible," the Cardinal concluded, "so that good relations between the French and Italians might continue." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Naples (Reuters) --- While vacationing in Naples for the spring, Pope Joe Bob I today rescinded the papal declaration of war against the German people. "I apologize from the bottom of my heart for this mistake," the Pope said, "and it won't happen again." The Pope then went on to identify the source of the techno-pop scourge as England, and encouraged Germany and France to "end the English threat once and for all." Also included in the removal of the war declaration is a promise of support against other forms of imperialism in the coming seasons, as well as help towards the reunification of all German lands. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Naples (UPI) --- Formally breaking the Italian neutrality in the Russo/ Turkish conflict, the Pope today threw full Italian support behind the Turks against what he called "shameless and unprovoked Russian agression." The Pope said he was sending his fleets eastward to aid the Turks, adding "I hope we're not too late." In related matters, the Pope also pledged support for the Austrian government-in-exile, saying that "for the moment, all we can promise you is Serbia, but if the Russian thing comes off, I don't think Budapest would be any problem." The Pope did say that he would urge the Beatles to add a Serbian concert stop in their upcoming "Let It Be 2: The Reunion" rock tour. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rome (Reuters) --- Responding to Russian charges of "flip/flopping" on diplomatic matters, the Italian government today issued a denial that the Pope was indecisive, saying that he was instead merely "pragmatic". "If you will look closely at the diplomatic situation over the last few years," the statement read, "you will see that Italy has only performed agression against powers when it has become necessary to do so." The document then went on to point out that Italy moved into Austria only after Russia had attacked and it became apparent the Austrian state was not fully viable. "Other than that, I would be hard pressed to think of another flip/flop except for the one with Russia -- a flip/flop, by the way, which we feel is fully justified by Russia's own back-stabbing of Turkey and previously threatening language." When reporters later asked Cardinal Wendy about the declarations of aggressive intent against Germany and Turkey last season, she said those moves were "a result of the conclusion we would be allied with Russia. Now that our relationship with Russia has deteriorated, we see our mistake." She ended the press conference by muttering something about a pot calling the kettle black. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Moscow (AP) --- To my good friend, the Prime Minister of England, I extend spring greetings. With any luck the support of the Danish fleet has helped you overcome German resistance and begin the growth of your empire. On the other hand it would not be surprising if Germany held strong. As you can see it was not possible for my Silesian army to contribute to your cause. Even though I have never promised to do so, that had been my hope. If Italy has proven her trustworthiness this spring, my Silesian army will attack Germany next Fall. Also, regardless of other events, my Danish fleet remains under your command. It will support your fleets however you desire now and, as promised, throughout the decade. Incidentally, if you would prefer that it attack Kiel to preoccupy the army there, that command would also be obeyed. Permit me to express anew the value that I place upon our friendship. In these troubled times a true friend is worth more than a score of armies. You may count upon me to not only uphold our agreements, but also to fulfill by action the spirit of our friendship. ... One other item ... as I write this letter I am hoping to cement an alliance between Russia and Italy. If, as you observe the Pope's spring manuevers, you notice that he has taken action against me, then I urge you to open dialogue with your French associates. In those circumstances I believe a French- English-Russian alliance to be advantageous to us all, and capable of creating a stable, new landscape in Europe. May the Ides of March bring you good fortune. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Constantinople (AP) --- Russia has built a fleet in Sevastopol. It should be clear even to the Italians that, after destroying Turkey and Austria, Russians are going to attack Italy. We, Italy and Turkey, might be able to prevent Russian fleets from sailing to the Mediterranean if we cooperate. If Italy moves her fleet into the Aegean Sea it could support our fleet in Constantinople, and perhaps another Italian fleet on the Eastern Mediterranean could support Smyrna. I eagerly await Italian answer to my suggestions. -- Ibdrahim the Wise, Grand Vizier ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paris (UPI) --- The Naval Ministry today announced that the 1st French Fleet had completed its exercises in the Channel and had set out on patrol in the Mid-Atlantic Ocean. The Ministry spokesperson "regretted" the fact that the English Barges would probably come within sight of the French coast, but expressed great hope for coordinated action versus the Huns in Belgium towards the Fall. The spokesperson also called press reports of Franco-German peace talks as "the most blatant attempt at German Propaganda yet--only Huns could write that sort of Tripe and expect people to believe it." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bern (AP) --- Billy-Bob, Supreme Commander of all land forces under Pope Joe-Bob, was interviewed during a ski and shopping trip here in February. "I can't believe those Limey idiots are actually cooperatin' with the Tsar's cronies. Sure, I gave 'em a bit of help for awhile, but they've overrun half of Europe now! Don't they see that Russia's just goin' to mop up all of Germany if they help out?" Billy-Bob had no comment on reports that he had petitioned Russian help in attacking Munich. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Zurich (Soliel) --- Three persons were killed today in the business section of this city when a streetcar left its track and overturned. Two of the dead were identified as the French and Italian ambassadors to Switzerland, whose embassies immediately denied that formal talks were taking place. The third man killed was not identified, but bystanders stated that "He looked a lot like Elvis." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Foreign Office (Soleil) --- "There's an awful lot of them Germans milling around out there Czar old bean, so I don't think the boys will get into Kiel just yet. Perhaps it would be better if I launched an attack on Holland in the fall, with your fleet in Denmark drawing of the support from Kiel. What do you reckon?. The PM." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bognor Regis (Soleil) --- "I don't bloody care two 'ecks about t'National Security. This place stinks and I'm gettin' out right now." The Colonel looked rather worried at this, there was definitely rumblings in the ranks. "Look here Lieutenant, we have got to protect London from any possible French invasion, the PM isn't going to be pleased if you start deserting; that's mutiny and you'll end up in front of a firing squad if you don't watch out." "Let them blasted Frogs 'ave it then. The lads deserve an 'oliday and no ponced-up, half-arsed egomaniac is goin' to stop us; right lads." "Hurah, hurah, three cheers for good 'ol Lieutenant Hotpot, hurah!" So there you have it readers, the 3rd Light Ekithumpers just packed up their bags and set of for sunny Swansea with a cheery whistle and a confident swagger; no doubt they'll be spending the rest of the war in prison. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Harlech (Soleil) --- "Well Admiral, what will this new year have in store for us? Hopefully some long-awaited co-operation to kick that Kaiser where it really hurts. I can imagine that you're a little nervous about relinquishing the Channel but that fleet of yours is not going to do much if it just sits there all year. Also, the PM sends his regrets about what happened to that ex-Admiral of yours, its just that these Ekithumpers are the biggest load of lunatics you're likely to meet in a long time. Here's hoping to see you in Belgium before the autumn. Captain James McLean." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Serajevo (TM) --- The funeral procession for Kaiser Ahmed didn't cause the donkey cart gridlock that was expected today. It seems nobody really cared who the Austrian Kaiser was or is. In fact the new Kaiser, Kos'tic, is a former member of the Serbian Revolutionary Popular Front, a group which is hated and feared by most Austrian children under age 2. The circumstances surrounding the death of Ahmed are still shrouded in mystery although Kos'tic has proven beyond all doubt to be clean of any misdeeds. It seems that Ahmed was found swinging from a tree by a rope. Reliable sources in Rome have speculated to this reporter that the Pope might have been afraid Ahmed would accept the Russian deal and may have wanted to put a more reliable instrument in control of the exiled government. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Serajevo (TM) --- Today, during a childish temper tantrum, Kaiser Kos'tic could only grunt angrily at reporters who accused him of being illiterate and incompetent. When he was finally able to make himself understood he screamed, "Eh, we hate all foreigners same. Eh, how you say? Eh, all foreigners enemy of people and not speak truth. Cossack deal sound good. Cossack must be lying. Never believe cossack acting like good samaritan." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ZURICH (Reuters) --- In a terse statement the French ambassador to Switzerland acknowledged receiving an offer of alliance from Germany. The ambassador called the offer "insufficient to the point of offense. It would appear that the Kaiser has ignored all of our requirements. C'est dommage [that's too bad]. For that he will die." =============================================================================== That's all from this game. Cheers! Lord Valentine Up