Diplomacy Zine -- EP #171 Chapter Five From: Eric_S_Klien@cup.portal.com Date: Tue, 05 Jun 1990 04:35:41 +0000 Issue #171 of ELECTRONIC PROTOCOL: ******************************************************************** I soon realized that things were worse than I had expected. Someone had censored my Saturday morning cartoons. ******************************************************************** Chapter One contains: BLITZKRIEG, GETTYSBURG, RED STORM RISING, and COMRADES IN ARMS And is published by daybell@aludra.usc.edu/Donald Daybell Chapter Two contains: DRAGONSLAYER, BISMARK, COLD WAR, JACAL, MANHATTAN, VERSAILLES, and DRESDEN And is published by tedward@cs.cornell.edu/Ted Fischer Chapter Three contains: MULHOUSE, DAWN PATROL, SNIKKEL-2, BERLIN, SNIKKEL-1, EL ALAMEIN, SQUALANE, UNGAWE, CAPTAIN CAVEMAN And is published by cwekx@htikub5.bitnet/Constantijn Wekx Chapter Four contains: FIRE WHEN READY, DREADNOUGHT, JUGGERNAUGHT, BIG WILLIE, NICKEL, and OZARK And is published by lord_zar@ucrmath.ucr.edu/Wayne Wallace ------------- Chapter Five ------------- Spring '05 of the game TOKUGAWA (BNC number 1989IS) (GM is rc0o@andrew.cmu.edu/Rob Cochran) GM just came back from vacation, results should be published soon. Winter '02 of the game GROUND ZERO (BNC number not known) (GM is Harry.Protoolis@UK.Sun.COM/Harry Protoolis) Not Received. Must be having e-mail problems with the GM. Please send him e-mail alerting him to this problem if you have a good connection to him. Winter '01 of the game DEADLY DAGGERS (BNC number not known) (GM is ae22@dkauni2.bitnet/Thomas Klaus) Not due yet. Summer '01 of the game YALTA (BNC number not known) (GM is copeland@mssun2.msi.cornell.edu/Scott Copeland)) Nothing happened. Fall '01 of the game YALTA (BNC number not known) (GM is copeland@mssun2.msi.cornell.edu/Scott Copeland)) ********************************************************************** The Yalta Journal November 7,1901 ********************************************************************** RESULTS OF FALL TROOP MOVEMENTS WINTER BUILDS DUE SUNDAY England(Greg Soare): F NorthSea Convoys A Edinburgh-Norway F NorwegianSea Supports A Edinburgh-Norway A Edinburgh-Norway Centers: home, Norway (4) -> builds 1 Austria-Hungary(Charles Arsenault): F ALBANIA MOVES TO GREECE A SERBIA SUPPORTS F ALBANIA MOVES TO GREECE A BUDAPEST MOVES TO TRIESTE Centers: home, Greece, Serbia (5) -> builds 2 France(Robin Tew): Fleet Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Portugal. Army Gascony - Spain. A Bur S German F Hol - Bel [support fails, no such order] Centers: home, spain, portugul (5) ->builds 2 Germany(Oyvind Bjartveit): A Kiel -> Denmark A Ruhr -> Belgium F Holland Supports A Ruhr -> Belgium. Centers: home, Denmark, Holland, Belgium (6) -> builds 3 Russia(Don Hancock): A STP->FIN F GOB->SWE A UKR->GAL F SEV S BUL->RUM Centers: home, Sweden (5) -> builds 1 Italy(John Banagan): 1) Army Venice to Tyrolia 2) Army Piedmont to Venice 3) Fleet Ionian to Tunis Centers: home, Tunis (4) -> builds 1 Turkey(David Boyle): A Bulgaria -> Rumania A Constantinople -> Bulgaria F Ankara -> Armenia Centers: home, bulgaria, rumania (5) -> builds 2 Italia Today : In todays events, portions of the 1st and 3rd Imperial Fleets were seen leaving the port of Naples for well needed excercises in the Ionian. Commander Marco Lucianno, leader of these excercises was quoted as saying " our boys need this kind of thing, being land locked for a couple of months gets you edgy, and besides, with the state of Europe on the brink of collapsing we need as much practice as we can get." Also occuring today was the increased protection of the Northern borders as elements of the 1st and 2nd Armies were ushered to their appointed stations. The government stated that these movements were to aid in our protection and to aid our allies in the event of a war in Europe. BULGARIA BUGLE At the beginning of this week, our fair nation was invaded by the ruthless and cunning Sultan David. It is estimated that chemical weapons were used on civilian targets and that the total loss of lives was at two hundred thousand. Already the shock troops of this tyrant are rounding up partisans and rebels and executing them. Citizens not friendly or uncooperative to the Demon-Sultan are being rounded up by the thousands and being placed in concentration (or extermination) camps. Whole families have been separated or killed. What little resistance we have, we are offering it, but alas we are slowly falling into the hands of the Devil for we have not the strength to fight back ! We plead therefore to the nations of Europe to fight back the Sultan and his atrocities. Rid us of his government puppets and his death patrol, we beg of you, before it's too late ! Highlights of the Past Week Russian forces of the Tsar enter the puppet state of Ukraine demanding higher taxes and more grain ... Russian and Turkey fleets enter the Black Sea for war training excercises. Their ploy in making the world believe they are enemies has fallen through, Europe knows better. Sweden braces herself for possible invasion by Russia. Bulgaria invaded by Turks ! Austria-Hungarian forces arrive in Serbia at the request of the government. Holland asks Germany for military aid and advisors. Italy increases border protection (paranoid are we ?) Iatlian fleet ventures into the Ionian. France sends forces from Marseilles to Gascony in order to settle human rights riots. England fleets take to the seas. German forces in Ruhr and French forces in Burgundy size each other up. English ships seen manuevering in the Northern Waters. Strategists say the manuevers are very similar to the "Churchill Opening" which is a manuever set to invade Norway. Tense moments on the Serbia-Bulgaria borders as Austria-Hungarian troops and Turkish troops prepare for the inevitable. English troops quell riots in Edinburgh. Albania asks Austria-Hungary for economic and military aid. Rioting continues in Constantinople as more troops are ushered in. Italian officials deny accustations of intimidating minor foreign powers. Tunis officials seen discussing politics with King of Italy. Marseilles secedes from France and asks to be annexed into Italy. France declares war on Italy. Tensions rise on the border. Sorry for the delay. I've had terminal trouble and one countries orders were late. Spring '01 of the warp game ARCHANGEL (BNC number not known) (GM is gfink@clover.ucdavis.edu/George Fink) I believe this info was sent to the new guest publisher of chapter five (he will start in a few days). I will look into this. Fall '01 of the game YORKTOWN (BNC number not known) (GM is gfj@attunix.att.com/Garry Johnson) Due May 18. I'll check into this. I did. He sent them but I didn't get them. Look for this in future issues! Summer '01 of the Ultimate Shambles game BORDEL (MNC number not known) (GM is malhomme@enst.enst.fr/Michel Malhomme) Nothing happened. Fall '01 of the Ultimate Shambles game BORDEL (MNC number not known) (GM is malhomme@enst.enst.fr/Michel Malhomme) BIG MESS IN THE BALKANS!!! THE SHAH IN DENMARK: GREAT STAB!!! RUSSIA LEFT EMPTY: SOON AN EIGHT LEAGUE ??? LAZARUS AND BY-TOR STOMP ON ROMANOV !!! DEEP THOUGHT DIDN'T THINK DEEP ENOUGH IN KIEL !!! ROMANOV'S TAKE CONTROL OF THE NORTHERN SEAS ! LAZARUS STABS BY-TOR AND TAKES CONTROL OF TURKS !! (...) Tell me if you find any mistake here. Next deadline : Tuesday at 20h GMT, with conditional retreats (no builds) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ List of Nyarlathothep's beloved treators: The Renegade House of Romanov : Jamie Dreier; pl436000@brownvm.bitnet By-Tor: David Gibbs; bmers1!dgibbs@bnrgate Lazarus: Chris Preston; cbp@icc.com Deep Thought: Kimon Berlin; berlin@frecp12.bitnet The Delian Ligue: Matt Crawford; matt@oddjob.uchicago.edu Lord Sauron: John Banagan; jvbanagan@ucdavis.edu The Shah: Trevor Green; death@watcsc.waterloo.edu Nyarlathothep, The Creeping Chaos, Great Priest of the Divine Cults: I . malhomme@inf.enst.fr Please note Lord Sauron's alternate adress: Anderson@dewdrop.ucdavis.edu ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MOVES OF THE ANARCHY LEAGUES: The Renegade House of Romanov A Trieste supports Delian A Budapest-Serbia **VOID,DISLODGED** F Portugal-Middle Atlantic F Belgium-North Sea By-Tor A Serbia-Trieste F Tunisia-Ionian sea A Liverpool-Wales Lazarus A Smyrna-Constantinople A Edimburgh-Liverpool A Venice supports Torian A Serbia-Trieste Deep Thought A Brest-Paris A Kiel-Munich **BOUNCE,DISLODGED** F Naples-Tyrrhenian sea The Delian League A Budapest-Serbia **BOUNCE** A Marseilles-Piedmont A St Petersburg-Norway Lord Sauron A Greece-Serbia **BOUNCE** A Denmark-Kiel F Sevastopol-Rumania The Shah A Munich supports Mordor A Denmark-Kiel F Sweden-Denmark A Bulgaria-Greece **BOUNCE** Deep Thought's Army Kiel retreats to Holland Romanov's Army Trieste retreats to Vienna ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Position of the Renegade Units: Armies Fleets The Renegade House of Romanov: Vie Mao,Nth By-Tor: Wal,Tri Ion Lazarus: Lpl,Con,Ven Deep Thought: Par,Hol Tys The Delian League: Pie,Bud,Nor Lord Sauron: Gre,Kie Rum The Shah: Mun,Bul Den ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rogue Association Nber of centers Nber of units Divine Decision The Renegade House of Romanov 4 3 no decision By-Tor 4 3 no decision Lazarus 4 3 no decision Deep Thought 4 3 no decision The Delian League 4 3 no decision Lord Sauron 4 3 no decision The Shah 4 3 no decision ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Possession of the Centers of Anarchy The Renegade House of Romanov: Bel,Tri,Por,War By-Tor: Mos,Lpl,Ser,Tun Lazarus: Edi,Smy,Par,Ven Deep Thought: Bre,Ank,Kie,Nap The Delian League: Hol,Mar,Stp,Bud Lord Sauron: Spa,Gre,Sev,Den The Shah: Swe,Bul,Lon,Mun ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Evolution of the European Plague: Rogue: 01 Delays Romanov House: 4 By-Tor: 4 Lazarus: 4 Deep Thought: 4 72 Delian League: 4 4 Lord Sauron: 4 The Shah: 4 24 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Press: Liverpool - A new amusement park is being built in Manchester: "Snowdog- land." It is being sponsored by private funds and a large contribution from Lord By-Tor himself, who promises "It'll be a real Rush." The scheduled completion date is 2112. Berne - Following the Gnomes of Zurich bank fiasco, Switzerland declared today that it is devaluing the old Swiss Franc and introducing a new currency, the "Penguin." When asked to comment on the fact that there are no penguins in Switzerland, President Jean-Claude Schmidt stated, "We are aware of this, and consequently we expect a very high exchange rate, at least initially." Penguins are also quite hard to counterfeit, and the banks are all hectically updating their automated tellers to handle the new currency. Lord By-Tor has only received diplomatic envoys from Deep Thought, Lazarus, and The Renegade House of Romanov. Do the other nations of the world seek to insult? Some very interesting non-builds happening. We see a sudden power vacuum develop in Russia, with the Delian League in a perfect position to move in for some rapid development. Lazarus ends up with a good chance at grabbing Turkey, but a somewhat sticky looking situation between him and By-Tor in England. Of course, Lord Sauron also appears to have his sights set on Turkey, so the fighting could get interesting in there. (Will we see fleet Sevastopol - Black Sea?) By-Tor's Serbia army looks badly surrounded, will he pull a diplomatic coup and come out of the situation alive? And always an interesting question is what will that Renegade Czar do with his two fleets? Lord By-Tor (B.P.A - Bordel Press Associates) Spring '01 of the gunboat game ?? (MNC number not known) (GM is att!druwa!hardlj or hardlj@druwa.att.com/Larry Hardouin) Not due yet. Spring '01 of the game ?? (BNC number not known) (GM is grogers@eniac.seas.upenn.edu/Gregory Rogers) Not due yet. Spring '01 of the game BERLIN WALL (BNC number not known) (GM is leszczyn@cpsin.cps.msu.edu/Jon Leszczynski) Not due yet. Publisher comments: Quote from the next article: From Gauntlet #1: What's Up, Doc? By Kevin J. Anderson OKAY, SO I ADMIT IT. I'm a sucker for Saturday morning cartoons. Through high school, through college, through 40-hour-a-week full-time employment, every Saturday morning I'd make a point of watching the Bugs Bunny/Road Runner show. Something about those cartoons nearly brought me to tears laughing. Or at least they used to do that, before all my favorite characters had their balls cut off by the censors. You know the ones I mean. Willie E. Coyote's gadgets always backfire on him, and he ends up plummeting into the crevasse with a little puff of smoke to show the impact. Yosemite Sam's best-laid plans to get even with Bugs Bunny always (literally) blow up in his face. Being a physics and astronomy major, I wasn't quite sure how to interpret the seeming message that the grandest ideas of science would be thrwarted by mindless innocence. The air-headed Road Runner always survived to "Beep! Beep!" another day. Wise-cracking Bugs Bunny always managed to waltz through the high-tech death rays of Marvin the Martian. Daffy Duck always put on the wrong costume, trying to second-guess Elmer Fudd's "hunting season" calendar. Sylvester the cat, in his endless quest to get Tweety Bird, never failed to fall off the dock and get eaten by sharks, or find himself dropping on the wrong side of the fence into a pack of furious bulldogs. But three or four years ago, at the start of the new season, the TV listing showed that the "Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Show" had changed its name to the "Bugs and Tweety" show -- a bit surprising, but nothing to fear. Tweety had always been on the Road Runner Show, so why couldn't I expect the reverse to be true? When I watched the program, though, I saw that something was definitely rotten in Loony Tune Town. The Road Runner had vanished, forced to retire, which I found greatly disappointing, since he had always been my favorite (and my father's, too!). And since I was so familiar with all of the old cartoons anyway, I soon realized that things were worse than I had expected. Someone had censored my classic cartoons. The Road Runner, who could survive the most devilish contraption of Wile E. Coyote; Bugs Bunny, who had emerged unscathed from hundreds of battles with Yosemite Sam and Elmer Fudd - they had proved defenseless against the censor's knife. Let me give you an example, a classic cartoon that many of you have probably seen. Bugs Bunny is a guest on "This is Your Life." In the audience are members from all the Loony Tunes, including Daffy Duck, who sits in the front row next to Granny. Duffy spends most of the cartoon heckling and making sarcastic comments about Bug's accomplishments. Scowling, Granny looks on the floor and under the seats. Distracted, Duffy reaches down and pulls out her long black umbrella. "Are you looking for this?" he says. "Why yes. Thank you!" Granny answers in her thin, sweet voice. Then she proceeds to bop him on the head with it, which shuts him up for the rest of the show. The "revised" version goes pretty much the same up until the end, where Daffy hands Granny the umbrella. "Are you looking for this?" he says. "Why yes. Thank you!" Granny answers. Then the screen fades to black. The end. That's all folks! I then realized that some organization had decided to remove violence from these cartoons - and in doing so, they castrated all the punchlines! I've talked to kids who don't enjoy Bugs Bunny anymore, which astounded me - how can anyone not like Bugs Bunny? But now I understand why. The cartoons are not funny anymore. They look like surrealistic, nonsensical exercises of jokes with all the gags removed. The Road Runner is no longer on TV, because if you cut out the "violence", there's no cartoon left! In Bugs Bunny, Yosemite Sam still sticks his head in the cannon, but before Bugs can even light the fuse, we cut to another scene and completely ignore the unresolved situation. I immediately wrote an outraged letter to the network, but the cartoons are still as limp as a jello penis. On Saturday morning children are defenseless because so few "normal" adults watch the cartoons (other than then "watchdog" organizations). My letter carried no weight -- the sponsors are toymakers and breakfast cereal companies... and since I buy neither the toys nor the cereals they advertise, my voice as a consumer doesn't do much either. I've talked to other people working on Saturday morning cartoons, and they unanimously bemoaned the Naziesque restrictions they must work under. Apparently, they are not allowed to show any cartoon character doing anything dangerous (persumably because all these kids will go out and imitate it). They are not allowed to show a rope of any kind (apparently because some child might get a rope of his own, play with it, accidentlly tie a perfect noose, and hang himself). They are not even allowed to show a bone or any part of a skeleton (apparently, kids watching are so impressionable they'd be bound to take a knife and cut open little brother Jimmy just to see what bones are really like.) One of the people I talked to had written a script for the Smurf show in which pirates came to Smurf land -- and the animators were restrained from even showing the skull-and-crossbones on the falg, because to show a skull AND two bones is too terrifying to be considered. Ironically, it is only Saturday morning cartoons that live with such restrictions. On weekday afternoons, when hordes of children watch after-school shows, independent programs like G.I. Joe, Rambo, Thundercats, He-Man, and others have plenty of battles and action and explosions -- and the kids love it. But as long as children are "protected" on SATURDAY mornings, they will apparently turn into fine upstanding morally responsible adults. Have you noticed the Three Stooges are no longer broadcast? I used to love watching the Three Stooges, and so did all the other friends I grew up with. Somehow, none of us has matured into a sociopath. In fact, none of us has EVER poked anybody's eyes out either. I remember when I was about 12, we went through another "violence cleanup" campaign that eradicted all the superhero cartoons from Saturday morning. Can't have the Good Guys beating up the Bad Guys, you know. Luckily, this is now changing (thank you, Batman!), but a window of our population has grown up without superheroes, without some larger-than-life dude who fought for Truth, Justice and the American Way or else! Instead, they have Strawberry Shortcake, My Little Pony, the Smurfs and Rainbow Brite. So now our kids will know how to grow up and be insipid. As usual, a small but vocal minority believes that the little darlings are so impressionable that if they watch Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner, they will be warped for life. Where children are concerned, some people feel justified in censoring anything they see. This start children off at an early age thinking that someone ELSE is responsible for deciding what they can watch and read and hear. At a recent science fiction convention, I was speaking about this to someone whose opinion I respect. She claimed it IS right to keep bad things from children, because children don't have the rational equipment to know what is humorous fantasy and what is real. She cited some cases of children watching violent cartoons and then trying to do some of the impossible things they saw. I countered that you shouldn't make an entire generation suffer from the actions of a couple of deviants. What if you outlawed cars because somebody got into an accident? After a long discussion, we finally boiled it down to the core issue, which our society as a whole has not yet answered for itself. Is the INDIVIDUAL responsible for his own actions, or is society responsible? The censors believe that society is responsible. Therefore, they, as representatives of society, are obligated to clean up our children's input according to whatever standards they arbitrarily set among themselves. I would argue that it's the parent's responsibility, along with teachers and friends, to establish in a child's mind what is real and what isn't. Someone who builds batwings and tries to fly off a cliff like Wile E. Coyote needs supervision, not a restructuring of society. If you try to promulgate a standard that NO ONE finds objectionable, from sea to shining sea, then we'll all be watching static on TV. Once we realize this and have the vocal majority, then we can charge along and knock the censors out of the way. As the Road Runner would say, "Beep! Beep!" I am enjoying publishing this zine. Keep that mail coming! Eric Klien . Up