Diplomacy Zine -- EP #163 Chapter Five From: Eric_S_Klien@cup.portal.com Date: Fri, 04 May 1990 03:27:02 +0000 Issue #163 of ELECTRONIC PROTOCOL: ************************************************************************** "Clones," said the Silent Stranger. "They took clones from our tissue samples. The glig grow clones from almost a hundred DNA-based life forms. They wanted us for their dinner tables, not to mention their classes in exobiology. You know, they couldn't see why we were so upset." ************************************************************************** Chapter One contains: BLITZKRIEG, OPERATION OVERLORD, GETTYSBURG, and HMS HOOD And is published by daybell@aludra.usc.edu/Donald Daybell Chapter Two contains: DRAGONSLAYER, BISMARK, COLD WAR, JACAL, MANHATTAN, VERSAILLES, and DRESDEN And is published by tedward@cs.cornell.edu/Ted Fischer Chapter Three contains: MULHOUSE, DAWN PATROL, SNIKKEL-2, BERLIN, SNIKKEL-1, EL ALAMEIN, SQUALANE, UNGAWE, CAPTAIN CAVEMAN And is published by cwekx@htikub5.bitnet/Constantijn Wekx Chapter Four contains: FIRE WHEN READY, DREADNOUGHT, HOHENZOLLERN, HUGO, JUGGERNAUGHT And is published by lord_zar@ucrmath.ucr.edu/Wayne Wallace ------------- Chapter Five ------------- Spring '06 of the game BUSHIDO (BNC number 1989IN) (GM is jall@diku.dk/Mogens Jallberg) Due May 8th Spring '05 of the game TOKUGAWA (BNC number 1989IS) (GM is rc0o@andrew.cmu.edu/Bob Cochran) Due May 11 Winter '05 of the game DUNKIRK (BNC number 1989KN) (GM is sjzwange@phoenix.princeton.edu/Steven Jacob Zwanger) Builds: France: remove A Bur England: build A Lon Germany: remove F Hel, A Ruh Italy: remove F Spa, F Tun Russia: remove F StP Austria: F Tri, A Vie, A Bud Positions: France (Boyce): F MAO, F GoL, A Mar, A Gas, A Bel England (Starkey): F Nth, F Den, F Nwy, F Bar, F ECh, A Lon Germany (Brandt): A Kie, A Hol Italy (Sinha): A Tus, F Tyn, F Bul (SC), A Smy Russia (Lucock): A Lvn Austria (Soare): A Mos, A War, A Arm, A Tyo, A Ven, A Rom, A Mun, A Ber, A Ank, F Nap, A Sil, F Tri, A Vie, A Bud The vote for the concession to Austria passes, 6-0. Congratulations to Greg and thanks to all for a game that was very interesting and, I hope, a lot of fun. Supply Centers held, Dunkirk: as of Fall -- 1900 1901 1902 1903 1904 1905 France (Boyce): 3 5 5 5 6 5 England (Starkey): 3 4 5 5 5 6 Germany (Brandt): 3 4 6 6 4 2 Russia (Lucock): 4 5 5 3 2 1 Austria (Soare): 3 5 6 8 11 16 Italy (Sinha): 3 4 4 6 6 4 Turkey (Hauser/Ambler): 3 4 3 1 0 0 Austria was declared the winner by concession, 6-0, at the end of 1905. Chris Ambler took over as of Fall 1903. The game ended with Winter 1905 (the orders for Winter came in with the votes) Steve Summer '08 of the gunboat game VERDUN (MNC number 1989AZrb32) (GM is eric_s_klien@cup.portal.com/Eric Klien) Turkey retreats F BLA-ARM Winter '03 of the game BIG WILLIE (MNC number 1989KBrd24) (Blind game, GM is okamoto@hp-ses.hp.com/Jeff Okamoto) In process of replacing players. Summer '04 of the classic game RED STORM RISING (MNC number 1990Fcb05) (GM is 74270.2276@compuserve.com/Bob Aube) Due May 3rd Winter 1916 of the game COMRADES IN ARMS (MNC number 1990Ird24) (GM is att!druwa!hardlj or hardlj@druwa.att.com/Larry Hardouin) Due May 9th. Winter '02 of the game NICKEL (MNC number 1990Ird24) (Blind game, GM is waste@vtvm1.cc.vt.edu/David McCrumb) Received. Summer '02 of the game GROUND ZERO (BNC number not known) (GM is Harry.Protoolis@UK.Sun.COM/Harry Protoolis) Nothing happened. Spring '01 of the game DEADLY DAGGERS (BNC number not known) (GM is demon@eve.wright.edu/Brett Kottman) Due May 6th. Publisher comments: Quote from From p. 160 of Convergent Series by Larry Niven I really, really, really, really need some more guest publishers and scribes. (One for each really would be nice.) I delayed publishing these two issues because I had run out of new material. I received very little during the past two weeks. Help! Help! Be a scribe! Or be a guest publisher! Or be a standby! Just be something. I received the following from dougi@astro.as.utexas.edu/Doug Ingram Eric, I pulled this off of talk.rumors and thought you might find it worthwhile to put in EP: BIOLOGY OF SNACK CAKES ---------------------- Prepared by Eric Kollenberg 21 Feb. 1986 I. INTRODUCTION As you probably know (unless you're incredibly stupid), life on this planet (Earth) is divided into three basic groups - plants, animals, and snack cakes. Although volumes of boring material have been written about the former two subjects, there is a notable lack of reference material covering the latter. So I made some up. II. EVOLUTION AND CLASSIFICATION Snack caves developed over two-and-a-half zillion years ago (and if you look on the shelves of some 24-hour convenience stores, you can find samples nearly that old), when the seas were full of Campbell's primordial soup. This prehistoric mixture of propylene glycol, potassium benzoate, butylhydroxytoluene, sodium citrate, primitive emulsifiers, and other "building blocks of snack cake" spawned the first one-celled crumbs. Eventually, these crumbs began to colonize around central specialized cells called endofill (known to the layperson as "creme filling"). The colonies developed into types: spongospores and diablospores (devil's food cake). An example of the former is the common Twinkie (_Hostus* hostilus_), the latter is typified by the primitive "Suzy Q" (_Hostus satanis_). In a bid for survival, some varieties, such as the _Hostus hostum_ (Ho-Ho) and the _Hostus zippum_ (Ding-Dong) evolved protective inedible outer shells, or exofrostings. There are many gaps in the scheme, such as the common crumb cake, which some have suggested has an extraterrestrial origin, and the mythical "Little Debbie." However, these topics are outside the scope of this paper, which is another way of saying that I'm getting tired of typing. III. BIOCHEMISTRY What complex interaction of RNA, DNA and enzymes is responsible for the behavior of these species? What are the chemical reactions occurring within the cell tissue? Do I look like a chemist? How the hell should I know? IV. FEEDING The Suzy-Q is a typical example of mimicry in the natural world. Resembling a food item, it lies in wait in its natural habitat, the grocery store shelf. Then it dives down the throat of the unsuspecting victim, gagging it. The Suzy-Q now turns itself inside out like a feeding starfish, and digests the victim with its potent creme filling. V. REPRODUCTION "Oh, boy," you're thinking. Well, you sickening little pervert, you don't think I'm going to pander to your prurient curiosity, do you? Actually, I'd be glad to (especially for money), but the breeding habits of snack cakes have never been observed. This is something of a mystery, since more specimens are always being sighted under car seats, behind refrigerators, and behind the legs of vending machines. Speculation about the reproductive habits of the common Twinkie have... Naahh, that's too disgusting to even think about. VI. SOURCES 1. Daniken, Erich von, _Snack Cakes of the Ancient Alien Flying Saucer Pyramid Gods_ 1969. 2. Ibid, William, _Growing Up in the Ibid Family: An Autobiography_ 1947. 3. Writer, Staff, "Woman Possessed by Aliens, Unfaithful Hubby Kills and Eats Her" 1 Mar 1986 _National Devourer_. 4. Writer, Staff, "New Chocolate and Beer Diet Cures Cancer, Improves Sex Life, Lose 400 lbs, Wash Behind Your Ears" 1 Jan 1985 _Midnite Globule_. * Hostess is a registered trademark of the Hostess Artificial Food Substitute Division of I.T.T., an exporter of international corruption. It is used without permission, for which hordes of oily lawyers will probably descend on me and cut out my lungs with a hacksaw. [This paper was originally submitted as a Silly Science Fair (tm) project at an SF con in Chicago, along with another on reproduction of coathangers. It included a cross-sectional diagram of a Twinkie, and dissection photos (yuck!) of other species.] The following is from EP #67, back in the old days when I used to type articles in: Taken from Supernova, the novice packet available for $1.00 from Bruce Linsey: THE LEPANTO OPENING By Edi Birman By most means of statistical analysis, Italy is the weakest power on the board. This could be attributed to several factors: poor players, a weak position between Austria and France, or the inability of effective trust development between the Austrians and Italians due to the unusual situation of adjacent home supply centers. More often than not, the Italians are unable to overcome the Turkish position quickly and fall prey to a combination of Turkish resistance and backstabbing by a western power. A possible reversal of the Turkish domination of the southeast is an alliance between Austria and Italy which uses an unusual opening by the Italians to quickly secure the fall of the Turks. The principal problem in attacking Turkey is that players find its corner position very difficult to crack. Italian initiative combined with Austrian pressure can remove the Turks from the corner advantage by the emplacement of an army deep behind the Turkish position in Syria! While it may be an unusual position for an Italian army, it is the most effective manner to turn the flank and to threaten the Turkish mainland. The trick then becomes to get them before the Turks block you. The spring 1901 moves for Italy should not reveal an open bias toward Austria and should indicate instead a kind of calm wait-and-see approach. Thus, the spring should see the Italians moving Fleet Naples to the Ionian Sea, Army Rome to Apulia, and Army Venice holding. Hopefully, the French will be involved in the west and the Austrians will be moving to Albania with their fleet and occupying Serbia. In the fall of 1901, the Italians make the initial set-up for the drive to the east. This is done by convoying the army in Apulia to Tunis. This leaves the Austrian-Italian alliance with two fleets that can threaten the Aegean as well as the flexibility provided by the army in Tunis which can be convoyed back to Italy or to Albania if plans go wrong. The Italian army in Venice holds and is thus able to provide some security to the north. Note that should the Russians and Turks combine, the Austrians will be in desperate need of another army to fend off Russian attacks. After a winter build of a fleet in Naples, the traditional build of Italy in the first winter, the Italians order the following for the spring: Fleet Ionian to the Eastern Med, Fleet Naples to the Ionian, Army Tunis and Army Venice hold. This secures the convoy route, for in the fall, the Italians are clear to convoy Army Tunis straight to Syria. The fall of the Turks is now a certainty. The positional advantage of moving to the Eastern Med is enchanced by the existence of the Austrian fleet in Greece. When the Italians make their move to the Eastern Med, the Austrians should attempt to force the Aegean, more to keep the Turks out than to gain it for themselves. In the spring of 1903 the Austrian-Italian alliance will have three fleets that can come to bear on the Aegean as well as an army that can threaten Smyrna. For those who wish to fantasize, visions of the Italians moving on Sevastopol can be conjured. Austrians are to be stabbed, and the army could be used very effectively to turn any Austrian position in Constantinopole. While this opening is very effective in crushing the Turks caught unaware, it is futile to attempt if the Turks move their fleet to Constantinople in the spring of 1901, for they will surely move it to the Aegean in the fall and build a fleet in Smyrna in the winter, with spring orders bringing it to the Eastern Med. Here we see the flexiblility of the opening moves, as the army in Apulia could be used for other things. Such a Turkish opening usually means that the Austrians are in for a lot of trouble from the Russians, but then that is another battle and another article. And here is one more thing from that issue: Taken from OHIO ACRES #20: Government expenditiures have hit another sky high, and thanks to a Martin Larson we can take a closer look at how YOUR tax dollars are being spent. We'll list but a few of these, lord knows we don't want this zine to run a hundred pages. 1. Stop overpayment to hospitals and doctors through medicare, medicaid, etc. 50 Billion. But what of the cost for housing all these crooks? I propose we build a special correction facility. We could lay out an 18 hold golf course, I mean a good course, provide every doctor sent here with an expensive (and good) set of golf clubs, and as part of our corrections we would make sure there were no golf balls in the place. 2. 206 million to build five sewage plants in Puerto Rico that don't work. Ladies and gentlemen, we could have the same stench without the expenditures. 3. 169,240 to study the taste buds of Catfish and mud puppies. And the silly bastards won't even tell me what they like! 4. 160,000 to see if a drawing of an "X" in front of a strong man would make him weaker. 5. 109,000 to discover why elderly people eat in restaurants. 6. 137,000 to study how arctic hares compete for food. 7. 32 million to teach six obscure languages to students. You get the idea don't you, government grants sometimes are a bit out of sorts with the real needs of our nation. Here are some grants I feel should be researched. 1. 109,000 to find out why Robins prefer the power lines, while Cardinals seem to prefer a tall tree. 2. 2 million to find out why the OHIO STATE Buckeyes always run on first down. 3. 309,023 to find out why other teams always have a run defense in the game on an OHIO STAT first down. 4. 32,067 to find out if skirts should in fact be worn by all NFL quarterbacks. 5. 56,984 to find out if people really read the little lines on their calendars. I.e. did you give your grandparents a gift on Jan 11, or send flowers to William Tafts grave on his birthday Sept. 15. 6. 4 dollars for a phone call to find out why Olympic boxing coaches cannot read a schedule. It is pleasant holding this zine together, keep that mail coming! Eric Klien Up