UEFL Newsletter From: jbillone@jarthur.Claremont.EDU (Jeremy Billones) Date: Tue, 30 Oct 1990 17:55:07 +0000 ?????????? Division Newsletter Session A CURRENT STANDINGS LP Name W L T GF GA CP TP Cash 5 EB MVP Grand Slam 2 0 1 9 4 4.5 3 219 4 Uaxactun Tiburones 2 1 0 7 8 3 4 164 4 SC Lions 2 1 0 3 3 3 3 265 4 EB Ajax Amsterdam 2 1 0 8 6 3.5 3 280 4 EB Quarrymen 2 1 0 8 4 3.5 3 220 3 Entropy Raiders 1 1 1 7 6 3.5 4 212 3 Davis Red Hawks 1 1 1 3 2 5.5 6 260 2 Valkeries 1 2 0 12 13 1.5 3 136 1 Beirut Blast 0 2 1 5 8 1 3 188 0 EB Flying Circus 0 3 0 2 10 1.5 5 170 The owners of the newest division of the UEFL remain in deadlock over the proposed name of the division. A traditional faction favors the name "Long Division," while a more sentimental faction supports the choice of the "As Yet Unnamed Division." As this newsletter goes to press, the second ballot is being tallied. The vote remains too close to call. This controversy did not delay the opening of the 90-91 season. Ten new teams took the field for the first time this weekend, and began the first session of matches. After 3 matches, the Grand Slam has shown its dominance over the league, ranking 2nd in Goals Scored and tied for 3rd in Goals Allowed as they take the lead. Due to a scheduling mix-up, the Flying Circus suffered from extreme jet lag as they dropped their first 3 matches. News from around the division: Tragedy struck the mascot of the Beirut Blast expansion club during their opening match of with the SC Lions. During pre-game ceremonies, Jack Schmidley was shot to death while performing cheers in his "Blaster Burke" costume. The perpetrator was not captured by police, but an anonymous call to a radio station later claimed that the PLO was responsible for the assassination. Manager Doug Ingram reacted after the incident, "What a terrible loss. Repairs to the uniform are going to run us $238 and on top of that I've got to fork out another $50 for the guy's funeral!" The Blast are in the process of seeking a replacement mascot. Listen to the Lions' ROAR! Here at Jungle Stadium, absolutely everyone is psyched up for the season. Team Co-Captain and general upstart Alik Dragonwing summed up the team's feelings, saying "We may not be the best team in the division yet, but that doesn't matter, because WE WILL BE!" And that attitude showed through as they geared up for their upcoming matches with the Hawks, the Quarrymen, and the Valkeries. Defensive coordinator Rope Gristle told us here at KING that "this defense is one of the best I've ever coached." Rope hails from the University of Pittsburgh, where he coached their synchronized swimming team, before making the move to SC and soccer. Looking ahead, Coach Jeff Kochosky feels "this season is going to be a real make-or-break for all of the teams here in the As-Yet-Unnamed League, and us especially. We have a lot of fresh blood on the team, and by the time we're done, hopefully there will be a lot of it on the field as well... after all, blood makes the grass grow!" Reporting to you from Jungle Stadium in SC, USA, this is Fred Omega-Pi for the KING News Network. ------ Fines and Suspensions ------ The SC Lions were fined $3K for submitting an illegal lineup [failing to define Osgood or Osgood II in 3 matches] The Entropy Raiders were not fined for missing the deadline - his mail path was down all day Thursday and most of Friday. ---------- Roster Moves ---------- Flying Circus signs Eric Praline (GK) Bathtub Stoppers sign Tony Domestos (MF) The Gresley Rovers sign Christine English (FW) and Natasha Yar (FW) The Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks cut Cliff Gnash. Rigor M cuts Mattei, Nestor, Stern, and Linde. Wainscotting signs P.D.Q. Gumby (SW), cuts an unnamed (SW) S.D. Gumby (DF) K.J. Gumby (DF), cuts an unnamed (DF) P.N. Gumby (FW) D.X.J. Gumby (FW), cuts an unnamed (FW) and sells D.X. Gumby (FW) to the non-league for $40K Uaxactun Tiburones sign Rainer Buschmann (MF) from the minor leagues. TRADES: MbU sends Yin Yang (MF) to the Grand Slam for Kevin Curren (FW) and Frenchy E. Open (MF) The Gresley Rovers sell Beulah Premise (GK) to the Entropy Raiders for $10K. Deadline for Session B is Wednesday, November 7th. Early Bird Deadline is Friday, November 2nd. 4 DRH @ SCL V @ FC UT @ Q ER @ GS AA @ BB B 5 BB @ DRH FC @ UT AA @ GS Q @ SCL ER @ V 6 DRH @ ER BB @ FC UT @ V GS @ Q SCL @ V (remember, visitors @ home) ============================================================================== Match 1 ============================================================================== SC Lions vs Beirut Blast 2 - 1 4 - 3 Pilnar (bk) Rabin (1) Lecheval (2) ============================================================================== Uaxactun Tiburones vs Grand Slam 3 - 7 5 -12 Buschmann (bk) Sampras (bk) Crosby (1) Borg (1) Andre (2) Becker (bk) (5) de Munoz (1) ============================================================================== Valkeries vs Ajax Amsterdam 6 - 5 8 - 5 I. Kant (2) Neeskens (4) Epikur (3) Van Basten (1) Wilkes (1) ============================================================================== Entropy Radiers vs Quarrymen 1 - 5 0 - 8 Malach (1pen) Mae (3) Cont (bk) Magill (1) Robert (1) ============================================================================== Flying Circus vs Davis Red Hawks 0 - 2 2 - 2 Grant (2) ============================================================================== Match 2 ============================================================================== Davis Red Hawks vs Uaxactun Tiburones 1 - 2 1 - 5 Peters (1) Waite (1) Dietzche (1) (bk) ============================================================================== Quarrymen vs Valkeries 3 - 2 6 - 9 M. Mustard (bk) Leibniz (1) Raccoon (2) Rigby (1) ============================================================================== Ajax Amsterdam vs SC Lions 0 - 1 0 - 1 Appert (1) ============================================================================== Beirut Blast vs Entropy Raiders 0 - 0 0 - 0 Botsana (bk) A. Phydox (bk) ============================================================================== Grand Slam vs Flying Circus 2 - 1 3 - 4 Gilbert (1) Di. Piranha (1) Gomez (1) Pernfors (bk) ============================================================================== Match 3 ============================================================================== SC Lions vs Uaxactun Tiburones 0 - 2 Osgood (bk) Dietzche (bk) Lecheval (bk) Makanaky (1) Tortelli (1) Phelan (bk) ============================================================================== Valkeries vs Beirut Blast 6 - 4 Plotin (bk) [inj;spr] Qaddafi (bk) Heraklit (1) Begin (1) I. Kant (2) Nasser (2) Leibniz (1) [inj;spr] Peres (1) Epiktet (2) ============================================================================== Quarrymen vs Ajax Amsterdam 0 - 2 0 - 5 Lerby (1) Neeskens (1pen) ============================================================================== Flying Circus vs Entropy Raiders 1 - 6 1 - 8 L. Vercotti (1) Harvey (3) Spike (2) Intosh (1) ============================================================================== Grand Slam vs Davis Red Hawks 0 - 0 0 - 0 Cash (bk) M'Ahgoza [inj;spr] Maria [inj;pull] Kenesa [inj;spr] ============================================================================== (bk) indicates booked (4 DP) (RC) indicates sent off (10DP) [Inj;???] indicates injury by type (#) indicates # of goals scored Up