UEFL From: jbillone@jarthur.Claremont.EDU (Jeremy Billones) Date: Thu, 08 Nov 1990 01:26:26 +0000 As Yet Unnamed Division Newsletter Session B CURRENT STANDINGS LP Name W L T GF GA CP TP Cash 9 EB MVP Quarrymen 4 1 1 14 5 5 3 396 8 EB Grand Slam 3 1 2 14 5 3.5 3 277 7 EB Entropy Raiders 3 2 1 13 11 4 4 388 7 EB SC Lions 3 2 1 7 11 4 4 421 7 EB Ajax Amsterdam 3 2 1 9 9 3.5 3 440 6 Uaxactun Tiburones 3 3 0 9 13 1.5 3 238 5 EB Beirut Blast 2 3 1 14 13 3.5 4 328 4 EB Flying Circus 2 1 0 9 14 4 3 242 4 EB Valkeries 2 4 0 19 18 2.5 3 260 3 EB Davis Red Hawks 1 4 1 5 14 4 6 360 Sacramento Bee: In a stunning upset, the Davis Red Hawks loss to the Tiburones with a score of 2-1. Coach Banagan was quoted as saying "Too much pre-season champagne," he continued as saying "I forgot to designate PKs (place kickers)." California Aggie: The Red hawks won their first game against the Flying Circus winning 2-0. Grant, one of the Hawks main defenders scored 2 goals from midfield. "Lucky shot I guess," stated Grant, "when that wind picks up, anything can happen." Oakland Tribune: In yesterday's game, the Red Hawks went against the favored Grand Slam. Although no goals were scored in this game, several injuries took place. Among those were GS's Maria who will be out for about three matches. The Hawks lost Kenesa an M'Ahgoza. Both will be out for one match. Sports Illustrated: "... one of the up and coming soccer teams on the circuit are the Davis Red Hawks. Definatley an underdog team, they are tied for third and are ranked number one for gaols not scored on..." The Beirut Blast is a club twice bereft. It's team and fans are in a state of shock over the murder of Steve Minefield, also known as the new "Blaster Burke." After the recent shooting (for which the PLO claimed responsibility) of their mascot, the uniform was repaired and augmented with a bullet proof vest. Minefield was shot, however, with armor piercing bullets multiple times for what was believed to be an AK-47. A call to the local press claimed that the PLO was responsible, but a later call from the IRA disputed that claim and took credit for the shooting. "I can't believe it," mourned Manager Doug Ingram, "the uniform is a total loss." It is unknown whether the Blast will seek a replacement mascot. It was 5:30 AM when this reporter finally managed to catch up with the up and coming goalie Andre Agassi. At first it seemed that he must be practicing his tennis game for he was out on a tennis court with a ball machine shooting balls at him. On futhur investigation, the secret to Andre's success in the previous session was found. Andre wasn't practicing tennis, he was practicing his blocking ability by blocking the tennis balls as they shot across the court in different directions and over 70 mph. I must say that I was impressed and believe that this new style of practice may revolutionize the game. It remains to be seen whether Andre will fulfill the expectations the Grand Slam fans have for his continued success as a goalie and for leading the Grand Slam to the finals. The Grand Slam wishes to express its eternal thanks to His Holiness, The Pope, who personally flew in from Italy to each of the Grand Slam's games to pray that no injuries would occur. 0:^) A short note from Ghandi... I was very dissapointed in the violence found in several of the matches in the previous Sessions. It is most unfortunate that some teams seem to encourage this type of behavior. I must ask the commissioner to monitor this growing problem as if it is allowed to go unchecked many people may be hurt. I refer, of course, to the tactics several teams are employing of purposely trying to hurt other team's players. This not only hurts the players and the teams with injuries, but also the image of the entire league. To this end I will start a hunger strike until those managers who continually play too many players, too hard, realize that this is a civilized game, and require their clubs play it that way. ----- Auction ----- I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to do things. I'll send out a list of availible players shortly. Session C: Early Bird Deadline is Friday, November 16th Final Deadline is Wednesday, November 28th. Session D is scheduled for Dec 7th, and Session E will be sometime in January. 7 Q @ DRH FC @ AA V @ UT GS @ BB ER @ SCL C 8 DRH @ AA SCL @ FC UT @ ER GS @ V Q @ BB 9 V @ DRH FC @ Q BB @ UT SCL @ GS AA @ ER ============================================================================== Match 1 ============================================================================== Ajax Amsterdam vs Beirut Blast 0 - 3 0 - 5 Sadat (1) Qadaffi (1) Begin (1) ============================================================================== Davis Red Hawks vs SC Lions 0 - 3 0 - 7 Appert (1) Lecheval (2) ============================================================================== Entropy Raiders vs Grand Slam 0 - 5 0 - 7 Gilbert (1) Sampras (2) Yang (2) ============================================================================== Uaxactun Tiburones vs Quarrymen 0 - 4 2 - 4 Sprangers (bk) Madonna (bk) Slatkin (bk) Robert (1) (bk) Edison (1) (1pen) Shears (1) ============================================================================== Valkeries vs Flying Circus 0 - 4 0 - 4 Hegel [inj;brk] Do. Piranha (1) Leibniz (bk) Jones (1pen) Epikur (bk) Palin (2) Kant (bk) ============================================================================== Match 2 ============================================================================== Ajax Amsterdam vs Grand Slam 0 - 0 2 - 0 ============================================================================== Beirut Blast vs Davis Red Hawks 4 - 2 5 - 3 Assad (2) Li (1) S. Hussein (1) Uribe (1) Chang (1) ============================================================================== Entropy Raiders vs Valkeries 1 - 0 2 - 0 Harrison (1) ============================================================================== Flying Circus vs Uaxactun Tiburones 0 - 2 0 - 4 Higuita (bk) Rogers (1) Rijkard (1) Dietzche (bk) ============================================================================== Quarrymen vs SC Lions 1 - 1 9 - 5 Raccoon (1) Lazar (1) Kenneday (bk) ============================================================================== Match 3 ============================================================================== Beirut Blast vs Flying Circus 2 - 3 0 - 3 Ben-Gurion (2pen) D. Vercotti (bk) Di. Piranha (1) Palin (2) --/dash$ (bk) ============================================================================== Davis Red Hawks vs Entropy Raiders 0 - 5 3 -13 Grant [inj;spr] Broadfield [inj;spr] Uribe [inj;brk] Harvey (1) (bk) Bonatello [inj;lig] Onan (2) Getz [inj;spr] Spike (2) ============================================================================== Grand Slam vs Quarrymen 0 - 1 1 - 3 Connors (bk) Raleigh (bk) McEnroe (bk) Albell (1) Wilander (bk) Slatkin (bk) Robert (bk) Shears [inj;spr] ============================================================================== SC Lions vs Valkeries 0 - 7 Epikur (1) Heraklit (4) Leibniz (1) (bk) Kant (1) [inj;pull] ============================================================================== Uaxactun Tiburones vs Ajax Amsterdam 0 - 1 2 - 2 Rogers [inj;pull] Cruyff (1) Massing (bk) ============================================================================== (bk) indicates booked (4 DP) (RC) indicates sent off (10DP) [Inj;???] indicates injury by type (#) indicates # of goals scored Up