WeWF Report #6

From: arxt@quads.uchicago.edu (patrick palmer)

Date: Fri, 01 Feb 1991 03:49:16 +0000

WeWF Report #6			1/31/91

Juggernaut New World Champ!

Juggernaut beat the former World Champ Volcano by 5 points to become the
8th WeWF World Champion!  Volcano had defeated the former champ Joe "Brick"
Wall and all three Continental Champions before losing to the #2 contender.
The Leaping Lords were also successful this turn, taking two Continental
Titles!  The Crusher, managed by their arch-enemy Simon Bolendorf took the
Africa/Australia Belt!  Next turn, Juggernaut will defend the title against
Volcano, The Feral Frog, The Lethal Lemming, The Crusher, and Joe "Brick"
Wall, in that order!

The Dynamic Machine Regains Tag-Team Belts!

The original WeWF tag-team champions, Black Tiger and World Champion
Juggernaut regained the tag-team titles this turn!  They had 145 points!

Questionnaire Results:

Based on the results from the questionnaire that I sent out last turn, I
have made or planned to make several changes:

1) Starting with turn 9 (I have already rolled up the values for the next
   two turns), I will be picking the hold values rather than rolling them.
   I will keep them somewhat consistent, but I will shuffle them around
   once in a while so that no one dominates the league.  The holds that I
   think are more effective will tend to have high values, and the holds
   that I think are ineffective will tend to have lower values.

2) Champions now have +5 points when they are defending their belts, and no
   wrestler can challenge more than one Continental Champion per turn.
   Hopefully, this will slow down the rate at which titles change hands.
   However, the world champion must now always make five title defenses
   each turn.  This means that the #2 contender will sometimes get a title
   shot.

3) I will add experience on a trial basis starting with turn 9.  More
   experienced wrestlers will have an extra five or ten points, no substitute
   for a good hold values, but still a benefit.

4) Several people expressed the desire to have the e-mail addresses of their
   fellow managers for trading comments, etc.  I don't want to infringe on
   anyone's privacy, so I will make this available on a voluntary basis.  If
   you want your name and e-mail address to be available to other managers,
   let me know.

5) I will add a supercard at the end of every month, starting with February.
   Supercard matches will include a match description, and each wrestler is
   limited to one match per Supercard.  The idea of Supercards is to hold
   special matches such as 6-man tag matches and feud ending type matches.
   When you request a Supercard match, I will tell your potential opponent
   that they have been challenged to such and such a match.  If they accept,
   I will send both of you more information, and add the match to the card.
   Its probably a good idea to request supercard matches as early as possible
   so that your would-be opponents haven't already signed a match.

6) Smaller changes: I trimmed down the list of addresses at the top of
   the bulletin, and I shuffled the order of the match results around.

7) Reminders: You are limited to 5 matches per turn, however, you may now
   have up to five wrestlers or four and a tag-team!  Also, don't change
   you wrestler's repetoire unless he is doing poorly.

Send me your matches/comments by 2/10/91!

Note: After that we go weekly, with matches and comments being due every
Sunday!

Matches:

World Title:

Volcano beat Joe "Brick" Wall.
Volcano destroyed Irving Forbush.
Volcano dominated "Irish" Mike Flint.
Volcano destroyed Mr. Roddy.
Juggernaut barely pinned Volcano.

Continental Titles:

Ultra Boy beat Mr. Roddy.
Juggernaut destroyed Irving Forbush.
The Lethal Lemming dominated "Irish" Mike Flint.
Irving Forbush beat the General.
Death pinned Mr. Roddy.
Frank Steel barely pinned Irving Forbush.
Juggernaut destroyed Mr. Roddy.
"Irish" Mike Flint survived Joe "Brick" Wall.
The Crusher beat Mr. Roddy.
Juggernaut dominated "Irish" Mike Flint.
The Feral Frog pinned Irving Forbush.
"Irish" Mike Flint barely pinned Destruction.
Frank Steel barely pinned Mr. Roddy.

Other Matches:

Volcano pinned Frank Steel.
Black Tiger pinned Johann "Great Dane" Svenson.
Ultra Boy beat Prometheus Pomegranate.
Joe "Brick" Wall barely pinned Pain.
The Double J dominated the Crusher.
Mugambo Squid beat "Viking" Williams.
Firelord barely pinned Bart Simpson.
The Lethal Lemming survived Juggernaut.
Hans barely pinned the Iceman in a Thunderdome match.
Donald "The A-Train" Able barely pinned Frank Steel.
Mugambo Squid pinned Mr. B.
Death destroyed the Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold.
Hans dominated the Feral Frog.
Angus "The Caber" Campbell beat Aahz.
Mugambo Squid beat Ricky Schroeder in a Rotweilers at Dawn match.
Vito Gianelli destroyed the General.
Mugambo Squid annihilated Lord Roderick in an Indian Strap match.
Black Tiger beat Photon Torpedo.
The Lethal Lemming barely pinned George Bush.
The Crusher destroyed the General.
Bart Simpson destroyed Strike Eagle.
Virus pinned Aahz.
Hans barely pinned "Viking" Williams.
The Iceman beat Donald "The A-Train" Able.
Il Duce' pinned FireLord.
Prometheus Pomegranate barely pinned Lord Roderick in a Steel Cage match.
Mr. B and the Lethal Lemming fought to a time-limit draw.
Volcano beat Joe "Brick" Wall in a Texas Cage match.
Juggernaut beat Ultra Boy.
Vito Gianelli barely pinned Frank Steel.
The Menace barely pinned Angus "the Caber" Campbell.
The Lethal Lemming survived Juggernaut.
Il Duce' annihilated Strike Eagle.
The Double J beat Black Tiger.
Mr. B annihilated Lord Roderick in a Steel Cage match.
Hans dominated Donald "The A-Train" Able.
Joe "Brick" Wall survived Frank Steel.
Il Duce' annihilated Mr. Roddy in a brass knuckles match.
The Menace beat Albert Turing.
The Lethal Lemming barely pinned "Viking" Williams.
Doug "Crusher" Corey annihilated the General.
Black Tiger barely pinned Virus.
Volcano pinned the Crusher.
Doug "Crusher" Corey destroyed Frank Steel.
Mr. B dominated the Feral Frog.
The Lethal Lemming survived Bart Simpson.
Mugambo Squid barely pinned the Double J.
The Crusher barely pinned the Donald "The A-Train" Able.
George Bush annihilated the Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold.
The Menace destroyed Mr. Roddy in a Steel Cage match.
The Iceman beat Aahz in a three-falls match.
Bart Simpson dominated Photon Torpedo.
FireLord beat Black Tiger.
Hans dominated Albert Turing.
The Lethal Lemming dominated Donald "The A-Train" Able.
Mr. B destroyed Prometheus Pomegranate.
Juggernaut beat Johann "Great Dane" Svenson.
Drake Dukenagger survived Bart Simpson.
Il Duce' beat "Viking" Williams.
Volcano pinned Juggernaut.
The Iceman beat Photon Torpedo.
The Lethal Lemming destroyed Pain.
Bart Simpson survived "Viking" Williams.
Mugambo Squid barely pinned FireLord.

Tag-Team Matches:

The Leaping Lords pinned Flint and Steel in a non-title match.
The Northern Lights survived the Maniacs.
FEAR annihilated RnR in a Lumberjack match.
Alpha and Omega beat the Twin Spires.
The Newfie Bulletts pinned the Leaping Lords.
Fire and Ice pinned Flint and Steel in a No Holds Barred match.
FEAR annihilated the Twin Spires.
The Maniacs pinned Death and Destruction.
Hans and Franz dominated Fire and Ice in a Texas Tornado match.
The Leaping Lords barely pinned Flint and Steel.
FEAR dominated the Klingons.
The Maniacs survived the Leaping Lords.
FEAR annihilated the Terror Technicians.
The Leaping Lords barely pinned Death and Destruction.
The Dynamic Machine pinned Alpha and Omega.
The Maniacs pinned the Klingons.
The Dynamic Machine beat Flint and Steel.
The Twin Spires beat RnR.
Hans and Franz destroyed the Maniacs.
FnF barely pinned Existential Dilemna.

WeWF Wrestler Rankings:

World Champion:			Juggernaut (10-7)

Americas Champion: 		The Feral Frog (8-9)
Eurasia Champion:		The Lethal Lemming (13-8-1)
Africa/Australia Champion: 	The Crusher (8-10)

Tag-Team Champions:		The Dynamic Machine (7-2)

1. Volcano (27-7)
2. Joe "Brick" Wall (14-7-1)
3. Hans (7-3)
4. Doug "Crusher" Corey (6-2)
5. Mugambo Squid (8-6)
6. "Irish" Mike Flint (7-5)
7. Mr. B (3-1-1)
8. Death (2-0)
9. The Menace (7-6)
10. Virus (3-2)
11. The Double J (2-1)
12. Ultra Boy (2-1)
13. Drake Dukenagger (1-0)
14. The Iceman (5-5)
15. Vito Gianelli (3-3)
16. Prometheus Pomegranate (3-3)
17. FireLord (2-2)
18. Angus "The Caber" Campbell (1-1)
19. Frank Steel (8-9)
20. Irving Forbush (7-8-1)
21. Albert Turing (3-4)
22. George Bush (2-3)
23. Aahz (2-3)
24. Ricky Schroeder (0-1)
25. Destruction (0-1)
26. Il Duce' (4-6)
27. The General (4-6)
28. Bart Simpson (3-5-1)
29. Black Tiger (3-5)
30. Strike Eagle (0-2)
31. Johann "Great Dane" Svenson (0-2)
32. Donald "The A-Train" Able (1-4)
33. The Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold (1-4)
34. Photon Torpedo (0-3)
35. Mr. Roddy (10-15)
36. Pain (3-8)
37. "Viking" Williams (0-5)
38. Lord Roderick (9-15-1)

Tag-Teams:

1. The Leaping Lords (8-4)	The Lethal Lemming and The Feral Frog
2. FEAR (5-3)			The Menace and Il Duce'
3. Hans and Franz (3-1)		Hans and Franz
4. Alpha and Omega (3-2)	Alpha and Omega
5. The Newfie Bulletts (1-0)	Joe "Brick" Wall and The Swiler
6. The Northern Lights (1-0)	Angus Campbell and Johann Svenson
7. FnF (1-1)			Prometheus Pomegranate and Mugambo Squid
8. The Maniacs (5-6)		Maniac #1 and Maniac #2
9. Flint and Steel (5-6)	"Irish" Mike Flint and Frank Steel
10. Fire and Ice (3-4)		Volcano and The Iceman
11. The Twin Spires (1-2)	Toraka Gaijin and Tsuji Fokuyama
12. Existential Dilemna (0-1)	Ultra Boy and Ricky Schroeder
13. Terror Technicians (0-1)	Pain and Virus
14. Death and Destruction (0-2) Death and Destruction
15. The Klingons (0-2)		Klingon Phaser and Klingon Disrupter
16. RnR (0-5)			Lord Roderick and Mr. Roddy

Did Not Compete:

Beaver Bernie
Big Ford Flamer (3-7)
Don "The Dazzler" Damone (0-1)
Franz (1-2)
The Human Ox - Mongo
Joe Blow (0-1)
Joe Schmoe (0-1)
Killer Kyle Corbin (1-1-1)
The Masked Marvel (0-3)			Suspended
The Pickpocket (4-2)
Skeeve
The Swiler (2-3)

Comments:

After winning the match, Feral Frog bit the unconscious Irving Forbush on
ear, and gouged him in the eye.  Fortunately, referees prevented any serious
damage from taking place.

In a tag-team title match, The Lethal Lemming distracted the ref, while The
Feral Frog stabbed "Irish" Mike FLint in the stomach with his concealed knife.

During their match, the Feral Frog broke both of Hans' hands!

The Leaping Lords showed up at a Maniacs vs. Hans and Franz match, and
kidnapped Simon Bolendorf!  Hans and Franz took advantage of this and
defeated the Maniacs.

(From a small hospital) Cliff Leapov: Simon Bolendorf is a mongrel.  First
he got his wrestlers to grab me and throw me in the ring.  He then proceeded
to beat me up while the Maniacs held me.  The Feral Frog happened to be
jogging past as part of the 100 km I make him jog every day, and so tried to
help me by using his famous concealed chain.  Then Sleazy Simon reports the
match  in his typically biased way, saying that his brute strength won.  I
tell you, I am the smartest manager around (now that Bobby the Brain is out
of action), and intelligence will win the Leaping Lords thier title back.
As for Simple Simons comments that the Maniacs couldn't be beaten by the Lords,
Look at the score-board, and Simon, I hope you like your new injuries - the
throat injury should at least keep you quiet!

Simon: ghgjh

"I am Death.  I am not here for glory.  I am not here for money.  Nor am I
here for your vaunted championship belt.  I am here for one thing, and one
thing only - the lives and souls of all wrestlers in this federation." -Death

"And where Death appears, can Destruction be far behind?  The days of this
federation, and of its wrestlers are numbered.  Flee while you can, fools!"
-Destruction

The General comes out, with his pattented red sweater hanging above
his belly.  He looks into the camera and says, "Crusher, I'm through
with you until you lose 30 pounds.  No, from this angle, you need to
lose 40"  He starts to pace and says, "I'm the greatest in America, and hereby
challenge the Americas champ!  You're nothing but a 2-bit punk.  You're
obviously not in the same Big league as me.  If you don't hand over
your belt, I'll have to school you like your momma should have"  He
then grabs a chair and throws it at the camera!!!!

"Golden Pig!  You obviously knew that you were on my list, so you fled to
another federation.  That will not save you. I am here for you, Pig, and all
others who would try to flee from my power!" -Death

"I'll get the !@$@# thing yet!" froths Irving, "RAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!".

Oink Zeggpold challenges George Bush, saying:
"The Golden Pig is back from a VERY SUCCESSFUL tour of Finland, and just to
make it clear I didn't run away, I'm challenging the last grappler who beat
me!  George Bush, you may have a presidential name, but you're no match for
the Golden Pig!"

- '... and here we are, live from the Bowl, where new wrestler
"Viking" Williams will attempt <ouch!>.. will *beat* Mugambo Squid in
just a few moments. But first, mr. "Viking"... do you really think you
have a chance against this masterful wrestler..glllgl'

- 'Well, let me tell you, sonny, that when that piece of slime has met
against real Viking power, and sh*t his pants full, I'm gonna turn him
into so much squid stew, then he'd _really_ deserve the name!! Hail
Thor! Grrraaarrrrr!!'

- '...glgl! Ack! Er, that's all well and all that, but may you <gasp>
please let go of my tuxedo?? (I wanna get out of the commentator
business!)'

"From Star Fleet Headquarters, here are the most devastating assault
weapons in the Universe, my Ultimate Trekkies, Photon Torpedo and the
Klingons.  I, Captain Chekov, have come to this earth to lead my men
to the ultimate victory; that is, the conquest of ALL the titles
on your puny little planet.  Bart Simpson, Iceman, Black Tiger,
FEAR, Maniacs, you are but a handful of cannon fodder for my Klingons
and for the Photon Torpedo.  You will go down in flames, just like a
bunch of Iraqi SCUM-B missiles hit by Patriots.  And as far as the
rest of the WeWF is concerned, don't worry, you time will come, as
in the end, the Ultimate Trekkies shall prevail..."

One of the newest and most knowledgeable wrestlers to hit the ring is:
THE DOUBLE J!!!!  Coming to test his professional skills for the first time
in front of an audience, The Double J is confident that he will take his
rightful place in the field of wrestling!  Good luck to all of his
opponents.... they'll need it!

"What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. Get ready for the return of
the two most dangerous men in wrestling led by the most dangerous
manager, Max Altitude.  No problem!"

Max Altitude jumped on the ring apron to distract the referee, while Pain
maneuvered il Duce' for a superslam from the top rope down to a previously
exposed area of concrete arena floor quickly followed by a flying elbow to
il Duce's throat by Virus.

Brickster: Oh yeah...that lava spewing blob of molten fat is only renting the
belt...only keepng it warm for the old Brickster. But the time has come to pay
the rent, scumbag!  Volcano, I'm going to erode your dome and douse your
flame.  You are burned up pal, and I'm the one who'll cap your reign. Whattya
goin' to do when the Wall comes tumblin' down on you!!!

Stig (Brickter's manager): We're taking on all comers.  The living legend, the
Brickster, has the greatest record ever seen in the WeWF.  The road to the top,
is full of speed traps manned by the Brickster Patrol.  He'll pull you over
and yank your licence.  There's only room at the top for one man -- and the
Brickster has squatter's rights.

Strike Eagle: I'll take on any wrestler anywhere, anytime!  Come on!
You'll be put to rest by the arms of the best!

Twin Spire Toraka: We've travelled long and hard to come to America, and now
with our manager, we will be victorious!  Long live Japan!

Twin Spire Tsuji: Oh, yeah!  And no two bit team is going to stand in our way
of the Tag Team belts!  Long live Japan!

David Lightfinger: As you can see, the Phoenix has risen in the WeWF!  My
wrestlers shall be forever victorious!

Twin Spire Toraka snuck into the arena during the match between the Fire and
Ice and Flint and Steel and hit the Iceman with a chain that the ref didn't
see.

------- WeWF Wrestling Spotlight --------

JAY:  Hi fans, 'Crazy Jay' Morgan here with Vito Gianelli.
      Vito, you made a spectacular debut finishing ranked #2 in the WeWF
      after the first week.  We haven't seen you since your loss against
      that (sarcastically) "rocket scientist" Franz.  Vito, What happened?
(THRUSTS MICROPHONE IN VITO'S FACE)
VITO:  Look Crazy Jay, that's all ancient history.  I remember all the
       VITO-maniacs chanting VITO!, VITO!  And when that ref counted to 3,
       I heard the disappointment of the crowd.  So I went back to my old
       neighborhood --- started training, eating some of momma's good home
       cooking....
JAY:   The spaghetti?
VITO:  Yeah, the spaghetti, ravioli, lasagna....
(JAY PULLS BACK THE MICROPHONE AS VITO CONTINUES TO NAME FOODS)
JAY:    Vito, what can the fans expect to see in the upcoming weeks.
VITO:  Crazy Jay, I'm not stopping till I get the belt.
       So, if you're listing, all you guys standing in my way,.....
       YOU BETTER INTEND TO FIGHT BECAUSE THERE'S NO PLACE TO HIDE!!!!
JAY:  Okay, Vito, Now back to ringside for more WeWF Wrestling Action!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sneak Attack: Before the special "Rotweilers at Dawn" match, Ricky's
beloved Rotweiler, Spike Jewels, could not contain his excitement over
Ricky's new career move and attacked Mugambo Squid, knocking him into the
buffet bar that Ricky ordered from caterers for the event and spilling
shrimp cocktail sauce all over his fighting togs.  Rather appropriate for a
mollusk however.

Stig (manager): My man, the Swiler, has been pretty quiet over the last
month.  In fact he hasn't even been around wrestling cause he had a bigger
fight on his hands.  He was in the Gulf setting up the forces to take out
Sodom Insane.  He was hangin' and bangin' with the marines, flying high with
the F-15s and training our boys and girls to do what free people gotta do -
fight for freedom.

Swiler: That's right Stig, I was over there in A-Rab-ia, BUT NOW I'M BACK.
And I don't like what I've been hearin' from that rad-faced git, the Loser
Lemming.  I DON'T LIKE IT A-TAL!  So Lemming take your best shot, and don't
miss creep, cause my counterattack will make you wish you found the edge of
that cliff and fulfilled your destiny by jumping like the rest of your
weasel relatives.  I'm gonna cluster bomb you back to the renaissance, but
you won't be reborn.  There won't be enough of you left!!

Stig: We'll sign a contract for any type of match, Lemming.  You name it,
Swiler will fight it.  Just be prepared for the consequences.

Flint ran in on the Joe "Brick" Wall match with Steel, while the referee was
trying to get him out of the arena, Steel hit Wall with a chair!

Steel: Ya know Forbush, I didn't have that Americas' Champion Belt for very
long but I kind liked how it felt, I took it from you once and I'm gonna take
it from you again.

Flint: Well how do you like that Wall me and Frank said that we would take the
Belt from you and we did, so you ain't got nothin now, unfortunately, after I
was forced by the comissioner to fight my partner for the belt in one of the
toughest matches that I've ever been in I had to go up against Volcano.  Listen
up Volcano, you know and I know that I wasn't 100% for that match, but I will
be this time.  Down in the mines in Kentucky, I got used to moving a lot of
dirt and mud, you may consider yourself a volcano but I think that you`re
just a big pile of mud.

Steel: and all of you guys wait till next week when we introduce our shop
steward, you see beig Union we don't believe in management but we will
have a shop steward.

The Twin Spires attacked when Flint and Steel were walking down the aisle
to a match!  A flood of wrestlers and referees prevented further mayhem.

"Listen up all you little girlie men in the WeWF.  Hear me now and
believe me later, I have come from Austria to show you wimpy girlie men
the proper state of true pumpitude and you Bart Simpson will be my first
example.  Prepare for extreme pain and not just a small crushing defeat.
I have come to beat *clap* you up!" - Drake Dukenagger

After a title defense, Mr. Roddy was nailed in the throat with a cattle prod
by Mr. B!

"I have been content just to sit back and watch my wrestlers
take care of business.  But now Im concerned.  I can't control them
anymore, I feel sorry for those who get in the ring with them, they
are going to hurt some people." - Keith Skar, Manager of
                                  Lord Roderick & Mr. Roddy

"FEAR!!!!!!FEAR!!!!! WE'RE COMING FOR YOU, WATCH YOUR BACKS"--RnR

"Prometheus Pomegranate, I havent forgotten about you, I had some other
things to take care of, but you and that Mugambo Squid are at the top
of my list." - Lord Roderick

"Il Duce' and the Menace.  The team of fear.  Eh,  I have had my problems
with these boys, but I have never backed down, and I don't intend to.
Boys--FEAR for your lives." - Mr. Roddy

Sneak attack:  After a match, Mr. Roddy snuck up on the Menace and threw
an unknown type of powder into his eyes.