UEFL From: jbillone@jarthur.Claremont.EDU (Jeremy Billones) Date: Fri, 21 Dec 1990 02:00:12 +0000 As Yet Unnamed Division Newsletter Session C CURRENT STANDINGS LP Name W L T GF GA CP TP Cash 14 BOTH Quarrymen 6 1 2 24 9 6.5 3 588 12 EB Grand Slam 5 2 2 25 7 5 3 412 11 EB Ajax Amsterdam 5 3 1 16 12 4 3 620 9 SC Lions 4 4 1 11 21 2.5 4 549 9 Entropy Raiders 4 4 1 18 17 2.5 4 210 8 EB Valkeries 4 5 0 28 23 4 3 424 8 EB Uaxactun Tiburones 4 5 0 14 20 2.5 3 274 8 EB Flying Circus 4 5 0 15 20 3.5 3 368 8 EB Beirut Blast 3 4 2 19 22 4.5 3 105 3 EB Davis Red Hawks 1 7 1 5 24 2.5 7 430 ----- Press ----- Washington (UPI): "It's a tradgedy that coaches purposely play their teams hard so as to injure other teams. Well forget it. I've been an honest coach and now it's personal. My me agree with me, noi more mister nice guys..." An excerpt from an unknown coach. The Beirut Blast unveiled its new mascot amidst chaos in its home opener against Grand Slam. Burke the Armor-plated Turtle was introduced in pre-game festivities. The game proceeded without incident until halftime, when semi-automatic gunfire exploded from an area beneath the stadium tunnel. The bullets ricoheted harmlessly off of their intended target, the Blast mascot, who could not be found for comment after the game. Blast manager Doug Ingram expressed relief afterwards, "Hell, it [the new costume] was the only way we could afford the life insurance for the poor guy. There's just something about this Beirut crowd." Thus far, no group has claimed responsibility for the latest attack. The Grand Slam wishes to extend its greatest wishes that His Holiness, The Pope, will again personally fly out from Italy to each of the Grand Slam's games to pray that no injuries will occur. The Grand Slam hopes that His Holiness will also visit some of the other teams who were very unfortunate in this regard (We wish to express our sympathy for the Valks). 0:^) Ghandi speaks out (barely): It hasss.... several weeks...no foodd and stilll you do not listen... Stop ... senseless play ... too hard. ----- Fines ----- The Davis Red Hawks played so many players fatigued in match 9, I was forced to shuffle his lineup to prevent a forfeit. $2K [I hope you don't think me too megalomaniacal with this fine stuff.] ----- Trades ----- Hoary Marmots sell a scouting report to Wainscotting for $20K Wainscotting sends O.I. Gumby (FW) and P.N. Gumby (FW) to Amdahl U. for Gummi Baird (DF) and $50K Wainscotting trades S.J. Gumby (GK) to The Grand Slam for $38K Gresley Rovers trade Donna Pope (DF), Anne of Cleves (DF), and Muriel Volestrangler (GK) to the Grand Slam for Yannic Noah (GK) [This is the most recent file, right?] Gresley Rovers trade Jane Seymour (DF) and Princess Anne (MF) to Moonshine by Urn for Emmet Kelly (SW), "Gringo" Delyle Ochs (MF) and Sherlund Welch (FW) ----- Auction Results ----- Bidders Winner Bid Name 1)MF/0/4 3 ER 300 B.S. Tree 2)DF/I/6 1 ER 10 A. Ray [you other managers should be ashamed of yourselves] 3)FW/I/11 5 BB 562 Manuel Noriega 4)Scouting Rep 2 Q 41 ??? [wouldn't you like to know] 5)Scouting Rep 0 - - ----- Auction ----- Since only 2 players bid on a scouting report last time, there will only be 1 this time. 1)MF/I/10 2)MF/I/6 3)FW/0/6 4)Scouting Report Session D: Early Bird Deadline is Monday, January 28th, 1991. Final Deadline is Wednesday, January 30th. ============================================================================== Match 7 ============================================================================== Grand Slam vs Beirut Blast 0 - 1 0 - 1 Qaddafi (1) Botsana (bk) ============================================================================== Quarrymen vs Davis Red Hawks 1 - 0 4 - 0 Edison (1pen) Reeds (bk) M'Ahgoza (bk) ============================================================================== Valkeries vs Uaxactun Tiburones 3 - 0 4 - 2 Demokrit (1) Sprangers (bk) Epiktet (1) Heraklit (1;bk) ============================================================================== Flying Circus vs Ajax Amsterdam 2 - 1 2 - 4 Gilliam (1) Lerby (1) D. Vercotti (1) ============================================================================== Entropy Raiders vs SC Lions 0 - 4 0 - 8 Carey (bk) Turkle (bk) Unglata (2) Martin (1;bk) Dragonwing (1) ============================================================================== Match 8 ============================================================================== SC Lions vs Flying Circus 0 - 4 0 - 3 Lecheval (bk) Idle (1) Di. Piranha (1;bk) McGoering (1) Jones (1pen) ============================================================================== Uaxactun Tiburones vs Entropy Raiders 0 - 4 0 - 5 Sun (1) Harrison (1) Intosh (2;bk) ============================================================================== Davis Red Hawks vs Ajax Amsterdam 0 - 4 0 - 6 Kenesa (bk) Rijvers (3) Neeskens (1pen) ============================================================================== Grand Slam vs Valkeries 5 - 1 9 - 3 Connors (bk) Sophokles (bk) Edberg (2) Epiktet (1) Gomez (3) ============================================================================== Quarrymen vs Beirut Blast 4 - 4 6 - 8 Albell (bk) S. Hussein (1) Raccoon (1) Assad (1) Mae (2) Sharon (1) Magill (1) Chang (1;bk) Shears (bk) ============================================================================== Match 9 ============================================================================== Beirut Blast vs Uaxactun Tiburones 0 - 5 0 - 6 Massing [inj;conc] Andre (3) Crosby (2) ============================================================================== Flying Circus vs Quarrymen 0 - 5 0 -11 Albell (1) Mae (1) Robert (1) Martin (2) ============================================================================== SC Lions vs Grand Slam 0 - 6 0 - 7 McEnroe (1) Gomez (1) Borg (1) Pernfors (1) Cash (1) de Munoz (1) ============================================================================== Ajax Amsterdam vs Entropy Raiders 2 - 1 5 - 9 Wilkes (1) Toe (1) Neeskens (1) ============================================================================== Valkeries vs Davis Red Hawks 5 - 0 7 - 0 Jaspers [inj;spr] Thomas (RC) Plotin [inj;spr] Giodani [inj;spr] Sokrates (1) Nikolav (bk) [inj;bk leg] Heraklit (1) Lancaster [inj;spr] Empdekles (bk) Reeds [inj;pull] Leibniz (1) [inj;spr] Li [inj;lig] Demokrit (2;bk) [inj;lig] M'Ahgoza [inj;spr] Kenesa [inj;conc] Dahn [inj;spr] Whitney [inj;spr] ============================================================================== The contest for the week: Guess which players were used by the Red Hawks, and in how many games. ============================================================================== (bk) indicates booked (4 DP) (RC) indicates sent off (10DP) [Inj;???] indicates injury by type (#) indicates # of goals scored Referenced By Up