WeWF Report #10

From: arxt@quads.uchicago.edu (patrick palmer)

Date: Mon, 04 Mar 1991 00:50:10 +0000

WeWF Report #10			3/3/91

The General Retains World Belt!

The General held the belt again, by beating Vito Gianelli at the Supercard,
and then winning four matches, only losing by DQ to Mr. Roddy!  All of
the Continental Champions defended their belts this turn, so the General
will defend against Frank Steel, Destruction, Mr. Roddy, Volcano, and Virus.

Maniacs Tag Team Champions!

The Maniacs beat the Leaping Lords at the Supercard, and then successfully
defended the belts this week!  They seem to be more fired up, now that
they have their manager Simon Bolendorf back.

Supercard News

The Supercard took place this past Thursday, and seems to have been well
received.  I'd like to say thanks to all the managers who participated for
putting their effort into the match strategies and interviews!

The next Supercard will be held sometime in the last week of March, but
not on the 31st, since that's a Sunday.  No challenges will be officially
accepted for the next week or so, since I don't want the comments section to
turn into a month of Supercard hype.

Due to injuries at the Supercard, Juggernaut and Dr. Bong will not be wrestling
next turn.

Note to anyone reading this on rec.games.pbm: You can get a copy of the
Supercard or of the recent battle royal by e-mailing a request to me.

New Rule

I've added a new rule: If there is a sneak attack during a match, that can
change the outcome of the match.  If I roll a die and get an even number,
the sneak attack has been successful, giving one of the wrestlers an extra
ten points.  If I roll an odd number, the sneak attack backfired, which can
cause a disqualification.  However, the sneak attack must be for a specific
match.

Errors

Please check your wrestlers' records!  With the number of mistakes I've been
making on wrestlers' records, anything could be possible.  I lost a file of
comments, and I'd like to apologize to any managers whose comments didn't
make it into this report as a result.

In turn 9, the Northern Lights were listed as 8-10, it should have been 8-9.
I botched Flint and Steel's records, as singles, and as a team...  Those
errors have been fixed.

Please send me any title challenges by Friday, and your matches/comments by
3/10/91!

This Weeks Matches

World Title

The General destroyed Juggernaut.
The General barely pinned Frank Steel.
The General beat Destruction.
Mr. Roddy beat the General by DQ.
The General destroyed Volcano.

Tag Team Title

The Maniacs dominated the Dynamic Machine.
The Maniacs dominated the Highlanders.
The Maniacs beat Flint and Steel.

Continental Titles

Frank Steel pinned Bjorn "the Swedish Pretzel".
Frank Steel pinned AquaDemon.
Frank Steel barely pinned UltraBoy.

Destruction beat "Irish" Mike Flint.
Destruction pinned the Neutralizer.
Destruction destroyed the Lethal Lemming.

Mr. Roddy dominated TerraDoom.
Mr. Roddy beat Lar Gand.

Singles Matches

Drake Dukenagger pinned Strike Eagle.
Frank Steel dominated Juggernaut.
Flying Dutchman barely pinned Iceman.
Virus destroyed Il Duce'.
Drake Dukenagger annihilated Doug "Crusher" Corey.
Ultra Boy dominated Volcano (first match).
Pain annihilated George Bush.
Photon Torpedo pinned Strike Eagle (first match).
The Swiler pinned Bart Simpson.
Destruction pinned Juggernaut.
The Crusher pinned Black Tiger.
Flying Dutchman beat the Unknown Masked Wrestler.
The Millionaire beat "Irish" Mike Flint (first match).
The General dominated Tom "the Animal" Brown.
Photon Torpedo pinned Strike Eagle (second match).
Strike Eagle and Black Tiger fought to a time limit draw.
Tom "the Animal" Brown dominated Doug "Crusher" Corey.
Pain annihilated the Iceman.
Frank Steel pinned the Feral Frog.
Death pinned Angus "the Claymore" Campbell.
Virus annihilated the Wild Boy, R.U. Reddy.
Tom "the Animal" Brown barely pinned Strike Eagle.
Mr. Roddy destroyed Juggernaut.
Destruction survived WindWarrior.
DiMadMan survived "Viking" William.
Pain annihilated Flying Dutchman.
The Crusher barely pinned the Swiler.
Mr. Roddy beat Action Man in a stretcher match.
TerraDoom beat Turbulence.
Drake Dukenagger destroyed Johann "Great Dane" Svenson.
BudMan pinned Flying Dutchman.
George Bush beat the Human Ox - Mongo.
Vito Gianelli barely pinned Tom "the Animal" Brown.
The Crusher pinned the Killer Kangeroo in a blood brawl match.
Lar Gand destroyed Mugambo Squid.
Donald "the A-Train" Able dominated the Plaid Powerhouse.
The Masked Marvel pinned Bart Simpson.
The Killer Kangeroo annihilated Doug "Crusher" Corey.
Flying Dutchman survived Death.
Ultra Boy dominated Volcano (second match).
The Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold, and the Killer Kangeroo fought to a draw.
Action Man pinned the Neutralizer.
Destruction barely pinned the Killer Kangeroo.
The Crusher survived TerraDoom.
Dr. Bong dominated the Human Ox - Mongo.
Jake "Canadian" Shield survived Nanook of the North.
Destruction pinned Tom "the Animal" Brown.
Mr. Roddy pinned Ultra Boy in a steel cage match.
BudMan pinned Ricky Schroeder.
The Feral Frog barely pinned the Human Ox - Mongo.
Photon Torpedo survived the Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold.
Ultra Boy annihilated the Unknown Masked Wrestler.
The General beat the Crusher.
Frank Steel destroyed the Wild Boy, R.U. Reddy.
AquaDemon destroyed the Human Ox - Mongo.
Bjorn "the Swedish Pretzel" dominated the Feral Frog.
Romulan Mauler pinned Strike Eagle.
The General beat FireLord.
DiMadMan annihilated the Unknown Masked Wrestler.
TerraDoom beat Bart Simpson.
Lord Roderick and FireLord fought to a time-limit draw in a lumberjack match.
Albert Turing barely pinned Death.
Vito Gianelli destroyed Johann "Great Dane" Svenson.
The Killer Kangeroo destroyed the Unknown Masked Wrestler.
Flying Dutchman and Bart Simpson fought to a time limit draw.
Juggernaut survived Black Tiger in an exhibition match.
Angus "the Claymore" Campbell destroyed the Plaid Powerhouse.
TerraDoom beat Volcano.
Ricky Schroeder beat the Human Ox - Mongo.
Nanook of the North barely pinned the Wild Boy, R.U. Reddy.
Jake "Canadian" Shield survived Death (first match).
The Neutralizer beat the Berserker.
Ricky Schroeder barely pinned Nanook of the North.
George Bush barely pinned Death.
Frank Steel destroyed Joe "Brick" Wall.
Virus pinned "Viking" William.
Nanook of the North dominated the Unknown Masked Wrestler.
The Neutralizer survived George Bush in a loser manages Dan Quayle match.
Max Altitude survived Ricky Schroeder.
The Millionaire pinned "Irish" Mike Flint (second match).
Franz beat the Neutralizer in a no-DQ match.
Juggernaut survived Volcano.
Nanook of the North beat the Human Ox - Mongo.
WindWarrior destroyed the Lethal Lemming.
Jake "Canadian" Shield survived Death (second match).

Tag Team Matches

The Imperial Storm destroyed FEAR.
The Highlanders beat Fire and Ice.
Flint and Steel beat Alpha and Omega.
The Klingons barely pinned FEAR.
The Leaping Lords beat the Killer Klowns.
Klingon Phaser beat the Samurai in a one-on-one match.
Klingon Disrupter barely pinned the Kamakaze in a one-on-one match.
The Terror Technicians destroyed the Northern Lights.
Flint and Steel destroyed the Leaping Lords.
The Imperial Storm beat Fire and Ice.
The Terror Technicians destroyed the Legion of Super Wrestlers.
The Intoxicators annihilated FEAR.
Alpha and Omega pinned the Northern Lights.
The Klingons pinned the Killer Klowns.
The Chain Gang barely pinned Alpha and Omega.
RnR destroyed the Legion of Super Wrestlers.

WeWF Wrestler Rankings

World Champion:			The General (25-16)

Tag Team Champions:		The Maniacs (16-11)

Americas Champion:		Frank Steel (23-15-1)
Eurasia Champion:		Destruction (17-4)
Africa/Australia Champion:	Mr. Roddy (27-17-1)

1. Juggernaut (27-13-1)
2. Volcano (32-21-1)
3. Virus (13-3)
4. FireLord (13-5-1)
5. Ultra Boy (12-6)
6. The Crusher (20-16)
7. George Bush (11-8)
8. Lar Gand (6-3)
9. AquaDemon (5-2)
10. WindWarrior (5-2)
11. Jake "Canadian" Shield (4-1-2)
12. Vito Gianelli (10-8-1)
13. TerraDoom (5-3)
14. DiMadMan (2-0)
15. BudMan (2-0)
16. Strike Eagle (13-12-1)
17. The Millionaire (4-3)
18. Action Man (3-2)
19. Nanook of the North (3-2)
20. Romulan Mauler (1-0)
21. Photon Torpedo (15-15-1)
22. "Irish" Mike Flint (14-14)
23. Doug "Crusher" Corey (9-9)
24. Drake Dukenagger (8-8)
25. The Killer Kangeroo (2-2-1)
26. Max Altitude (1-1)
27. The Lethal Lemming (21-22-1)
28. Lord Roderick (19-20-3)
29. Mugambo Squid (13-14-1)
30. Pain (10-11-1)
31. The Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold (6-7-1)
32. Angus "the Claymore" Campbell (4-5)
33. The Masked Marvel (4-5)
34. Franz (2-3)
35. Tom "the Animal" Brown (2-3)
36. Turbulence (0-1)
37. Bart Simpson (10-12-1)
38. The Swiler (8-10)
39. Bjorn "the Swedish Pretzel" (6-8)
40. Albert Turing (4-6)
41. The Plaid Powerhouse (3-5)
42. The Berserker (0-2)
43. Joe "Brick" Wall (15-18-2)
44. Il Duce' (7-10)
45. Black Tiger (5-8-1)
46. Donald "the A-Train" Able (3-6)
47. Johann "Great Dane" Svenson (3-6)
48. The Flying Dutchman (9-13-2)
49. The Wild Boy, R.U. Reddy (0-4)
50. The Neutralizer (11-16-1)
51. Ricky Schroeder (2-8)
52. Dr. Bong (7-14)
53. The Iceman (7-14)
54. The Feral Frog (14-22)
55. "Viking" William (5-14-2)
56. Death (5-15)
57. The Unknown Masked Wrestler (0-11)
58. The Human Ox - Mongo (0-14)

Tag Teams

1. The Dynamic Machine (13-6)		Juggernaut and Black Tiger
2. The Leaping Lords (21-13)		The Lethal Lemming and the Feral Frog
3. Flint and Steel (14-10)		"Irish" Mike Flint and Frank Steel
4. The Chain Gang (7-3)			The Steroid Centurion and the Eunuch
5. The Terror Technicians (5-2) 	Pain and Virus
6. Alpha and Omega (5-4)		Alpha and Omega
7. The Intoxicators (1-0)		DiMadMan and BudMan
8. The Klingons (10-10-1)		Klingon Phaser and Klingon Disrupter
9. The Legion of Super Wrestlers (4-5)	Ultra Boy and Lar Gand
10. The Highlanders (2-3)		Bjorn and the Plaid Powerhouse
11. The Killer Klowns (0-2)		Bozo and Chuckles
12. The Northern Lights (8-11)		Angus Campbell and Johann Svenson
13. RnR (1-5)				Lord Roderick and Mr. Roddy
14. The Imperial Storm (5-10)		The Samurai and the Kamakaze
15. FEAR (6-12-1)			Il Duce' and the Unknown Masked Wrestler
16. Fire and Ice (4-11)			Volcano and the Iceman

Did Not Compete

Beaver Bernie
Decapitation
The Double J (2-1)
Hans (11-9)
Incision
Irving Forbush (7-8-1)
Laceration
Mason "the Arm" Rockwell
The Mexican Bandit
Mr. B (6-8-1)
The Pickpocket (4-2)
Puncture

Hans and Franz (4-4)
The Lords of Discipline
The Newfie Bullets (1-3)

Comments:

MUGAMBO SQUID SPEAKS: "Is to be much humiliation and suffering on Action
Man's parts these days, hear now fellows!  Action Man is slaving indeed!
Sorry he will for attacks on wrestlers be!"

Now that Action Man is Mugambo Squid's slave it's time for him to go to work.
First, he is prohibited from signing matches for the next five turns.  Second,
he must sing the national anthem at the beginning of the next match report,
wearing only pink BVD underwear while 3 girl scouts kick him in the shins and
spray canned cream cheese on his chest and in his hair.  For the next five turns
he must walk only on all fours.

The Very Mugambo Squid would like to invite Angus Campbell, Black Tiger,
the Streoid Centurion, the Unknown Masked Wrestler, Ultra Boy, Death and
Destruction and ANYONE ELSE who suffered at the hands of Action Man, Mr.
B, Dr. Down-Under and the lot to give Action Man, who is totally restrained
in the middle of the ring, a very swift kick in the crotch or two.  This
will take place NEXT REPORT.  Action Man will be restrained in the middle
of the ring and 100 members of the Squid Dynasty will surround the ring
to make sure no one gets in without kicking Action Man in the crotch.

Afterwards, Action Man will have to sing the Squid Dynasty victory song with
all the extras.  This is a traditional ceremony in the Squid Dynasty.

David Luven Lightfinger: "Ooh, yeah!  That was fun sittin' in on the battle
royal!  But, I noticed that my old enemy, Chekov, didn't place anyone in the
top ten!  Oh what a shame!  Photon, you got what you deserved this last round,
and now, it's time to finish it!"

Oink Zeggpold has this to say: "A kangeroo is ranked ahead of the Golden Pig?
A KANGEROO??" (In bad Australian accent:) "Well, `mate' we'll `bloody well'
see about that!"  (He does a very silly walk around the set).  "And another
thing -- Photon Torpedo, you got in my face at the Battle Royale.  We ain't
finished yet!  Soooooeeeeeee!"

In a bizarre twist of fate, The Maniacs while grasping their gold tag team title
belts, were mugged on the streets of New York.  Being totally useless, they
couldn't handle the 14 muggers and were severely cut up.  Word is that
some japanese millionaire (no names mentioned) has paid these muggers 1/4
million dollars for the belts.

Black Tiger: "Throughout time, the mystic warriors of the ancient have learned
and mastered the art of fighting.  I have trained long and hard and have
perfected my moves to a near superhuman level.  Beware WeWF for the Black
Tiger is on the prowl, and I will not take prisoners (he then slams a
flash grenade on the floor and disappears in a puff of smoke).

The mysterious black-covered man appeared at some Black Tiger matches, but
fled when the Tiger approached...

Who is this man???

During a match by the Photon Torpedo, Strike Eagle appeared carrying a Stinger
AA Missile, which he promptly fired at his hated opponent.  Strike Eagle
stated after the attack, "If he thinks he can use a bazooka to shoot me down,
I'll show him a weapon that will shoot HIM down..."

Juggernaut: "Alright General, you had your fun!  Ya outflanked me and out
manuevered me into a culdesac of terror and bewilderment.  You barely pinned
me, just barely.  Your time tis coming up General, too long have I worn that
belt, and it's about time to bring that belt to its rightful owner, and
that's an order, General!

You slime Vito, how dare you trick me in the Battle Royal!  Listen here
and listen good, I'm an honest wrestler trying to make an honest buck and
its creeps like you who give wrestlin a bad name!  So ya better watch
your bach cuz one of these days I'll be pounding on it!

Okay all you Juggamaniacs out there, Uncle Juggster is gonna tell ya
something.  I'm the baddest mother around and there is no one who can stop
me.  I may not have the belt, but I'm a bad man!  If any of you pinheads
have the balls to wrestle me, I dare ya.  I'm so buff, I'm the only man
strong enough to carry my ego!" (flex flex flex and then he proceeds to
rip off his shirt and ultra flex his 48" pythons).

Black Tiger boobytrapped Chain Gang matches by throwing caltrops onto the
mat where they were wrestling and interferes with them at home by screwing
around with their cable tv.

Quote: "A lot of people have tried to put me out...I have been the Americas
champion once and will be again.  If you think...no...if you KNOW you can put
me down for the count then let's go.  In the ring, in the locker room, in the
parking lot in your bathroom, in your living room...let's do it!  And leave
the women at home.  That's right.  Molly Maggot and Awkward Amy can just go
back to the kitchen for all I care and take their limp wristed excuses for
wrestlers with 'em!!" --Pain

"Leaping Losers and Cliff Leaffrog, you couldn't keep my Maniacs down!  Now we
have the belts!  And you guys are out to the poor house!  My Maniacs can beat
you any day of the week!"   -- Simon Bolendorf

Cliff Leapov reports that the injury sustained to the Lethal Lemming is not
serious enough to waylay the champion.  He is not seeing things clearly
but will fight on regardless.  It should be noted, that Lemmings have an accute
sense of hearing, and will hear the attack coming.  Beware, The Lemming is
angry and wants revenge.  After fighting his scheduled matches, the Lemming will
rest for one week.  (He is only fighting the matches because he has a sense of
duty to his fans) Hopefully the injury will be healed in a week.  The Feral
Frog hasn't been sighted for a while, ... I just hope he doesn't do something
silly.  The Leaping Lords are the rightful champions.  I am going to make
an official protest at the standard of refereeing.  The Frog had a maniac
pinned for a count of 15, and yet we lost.  It would be a brave referee which
ignores the Feral Frog again .....

The Feral Frog and the Killer Kangaroo cornered Maniac #2 in a locker room
after a title defense, and the Killer Kangaroo pinned maniac #2 while the
Feral Frog stabbed Maniac #2 with a knife repeatedly.  Left bleeding on the
ground with his mask on (superglue!), Maniac #2 was visited by a mysterious
figure in black, strong and agile, who drank the blood and then broke Maniac
#2's neck.  Rumour has it, that this was the Violent Vampire, a wrestler who has
been training for months to leave his mark (in the necks) in wrestling.

In a match by the Legion of Super Wrestlers, Strike Eagle made his way to the
ring area.  He seemed to be dragging some sort of object.  Strike Eagle threw
it into the ring, wherefore it changed into a huge chunk of radioactive
uranium.  Ultra Boy fled the area in a hurry...

Fade in:  Ultra Boy is standing in the foreground looking stern.  in the
background Lar Gand can be seen sitting on the locker room floor cutting
himself with razors and wiping the blood on his face.  He is singing
something, almost like a child.

Lar Gand: "She put my heart in a lead box, box, box and took it away from
me.  She crushed it with her heels.  She, she..."

Lar Gand breaks down and starts sobbing.

Ultra Boy: "Lightfinger, you're responsible for this!  What kind of
demented malcontent would bring up what happened between Lar and his former
manager Glorith up to humiliate him?  And in public even!  AT RINGSIDE?!
You had no right to bring up Lar's dirty laundry, especially when he had
almost gotten over it.  Look at him!  Glorith left him a quivering mound of
jelly and you just put him back there!  You're lucky for now.  If he finds
his backbone again, I don't think you'd be safe in a steel bunker.  You
won't even be able to hide behind your wrestlers.  Lar pounded Strike Eagle
last week, and we don't even need to talk about the Twin Expirers."

Behind Ultra Boy, Lar suddenly clenches his fists.  Behind his tears, his
resolve is clear.  He means to do violence to someone somewhere.  Without
making a sound, he is up and out of the locker room.

Ultra Boy: "I have nothing more to say to a worm like you Lightfinger.  I
have to take care of Lar now."

Ultra Boy turns and sees that Lar Gand is gone.  He turns around to look at
the camera again.

Ultra Boy: "I truly pity you now Lightfinger."

Fade to black.

Juggernaut attended all of Vito Gianelli's matches and made Vito nervous.

Strike Eagle:  "Hah!  Ok, Duke whatever-your-name-is!  You want me to challenge
you!  You want me to show you my SIDEWINDERS!  Ok, pal, you asked for it... For
I am going to destroy you, just like the Iraqi army, bub!  You'll be put to
rest by the arms of the best!"

Ultra Boy Speaks: All right Mr. B and Action Man, you threw me down the
stairs.  My bottom is a little sore, but that's about it.  It's rather
appropriate really, 'cause that's all you are, a pain in the a$&.  I
willing to take either of you one on one, or are you afraid to take me
without double teaming me, from behind?  Come on, try me in the ring, one
to one.  You'll end up as Mr. B[ruised] and Traction Man!  Froggie, if you
think you're so tough challenge me to a match, don't just pose, but if you
lose I want you to do some ads for my new frog legs take out franchise,
Rimbor Fried Froggie Legs.

Steel, I aim to take your title fair and square.  You're a worthy opponent
no doubt, but I'm ready for you.  I'm looking forward to it.  It's much
better than fighting freaks like the froggie and his hairy friend.
Volcano, I'm taking you on too.  I don't want anyone saying that I got to
where I am fighting only weaklings like Ricky Schroeder.  I've taken
Juggernaut once.  Now I'm going to try for the #2 man.

Masked Wrestler, you _are_ a weakling, but I have a score to settle.  Get
ready to be unmasked!

Lar Gand is not up to speaking to the press at this time, so I will for
him.  Mr. Roddy, your puny frame will not stop someone as driven as Lar is.
He will defeat you, have no illusions.  And you, Mugambo Squidlicks,
prepare for furthur humiliation.  I've shared my secret cajun squid sauce
with Lar and he aims to use it!

"Neutralizer! You and I have something in common: we're both here to wrestle,
not play with sticks and chains!  You proved yourself at the Supercard, and if
you want a title match, it's yours--but don't expect it to be easy!"
-Destruction

At a Crusher match, the Feral Frog and the Killer Kangaroo both entered the
ring and attacked the Crusher by breaking both arms, stabbing him, and
strangling him.  The Maniacs prevented his thumbs from being chopped off,
but The Violent Vampire snuck up on Simon Bolendorf and bit him in the
neck.

Flint: Ok, Lords, you can only run for so long, Frank and I beat you the last
two rounds and you won't give us a title shot, well were going to keep beating
up on you until we get a title shot, and if you don't give us a shot were going
disrupt all of your matches.  Remember when you have Flint and Steel things
are bound to get hot.

Steel: Well, toad I squashed you in individual matches and in tag team matches
but you guys still have the belts, well, I got my Americas belt back and now
I'm looking to get our tag team belts back.

Molly: Millionaire, I sent Frank out and he beat the stuffing out of you not
once but twice last round, you still seem to be trying to throw your cash
around but my boys can't be bought, and just to show you I'm gonna send Mike
to take care of you and then you can slither back under your rock with all of
your ill gotten gains, that is if you can still slither once the Mickey is
done with you.

"It is really a shame that I have to step into the ring with the lowest
class of wrestlers.  Union scum.  The thought disgusts me.  But I shall
emerge the victor."--Millionaire

Molly hit the Millionaire with the handle of Flint's pick ax during the
second Flint/Millionaire match.  However, the Millioniare won the match.

The Feral Frog went on a rampage through the Crusher's house, destroying
everything which was of value. In a rage, venting his feelings against
the Crusher, Simon Bolendorf and the Maniacs, he torched the Crusher's house
and rammed a shopping trolley repeatedly into the Crusher's Rolls Royce.

David Lightfinger rolled into a match by the Juggernaut, dressed in a bald
head and in a wheelchair.  No one in the arena knew the signifigance of this
action.

This is Babboon Tempest here with late breaking news!  Lar Gand has
seriously injured David Lightfinger.  The attack was apparantly provoked
last week when Lightfinger allegedly paraded around the ring during the
Legion of Super Wrestlers' match against O.S.E. carrying a sign emblazoned
with the slogan, "Free Glorith."  After this incident, Lar Gand lost a lot
of his drive and O.S.E. easily won the match.  Apparantly he is carrying a
lot of emotional baggage over the woman who created not only his wrestling
carreer but his entire image.  I don't need to tell you about the way she
nearly ruined him in the PCWF, overbooking him and nearly slaving him to
death.  Only the timely intervention of his old friend Ultra Boy saved him.
Anyway, early this evening, as Strike Eagle was preparing for a match, Lar
Gand burst into his dressing room looking for Lightfinger.  The Eagle tried
to stop him, but was suplexed into the wall.  He found Lightfinger cowering
in a locker and pulled him out.  after pummeling him without mercy, Lar
Gand took him by the ankles and performed the helicopter turnbuckle throw
on him right into the concrete wall.  Right now paramedics are working
around the clock to get Lightfinger's head out of the wall.  We asked one
how he was doing and the only response we got was that, "It's a good thing
his head is so hard."  Lar Gand is nowhere to be found.

The Killer Kangeroo brutalized his opponents, leaving most of them wearing
casts on their arms!

***** Smooth's Groove *****

Smooth: Today on Smooth's Groove we have the two newest members of the
greatest wrestling force ever to hit the WeWF.  Would you please welcome, not
only the next World Tag Champions, but also probably the New America's, and
World Champion.  Here they are DiMadMan, and BudMan!

Yea, here comes the BudMan.  Yea, you hear it right, because the BudMan is one
Strange Brew!  (Budman's theme song)  (Budman walks onto the set, and shakes
Smooth's hand.

I just want all you idiots to shut up, and listen to me!  In case you want to
know, the BudMan does not speak.  That's right, he DOES NOT SPEAK!  First of
all, I want to talk about the BudMan's oponents, the flaming dutchman, and Mr.
Silver Spoon himself.  Dutchman, I don't even think I have to worry about you,
so I've said what I want to say about you.  But I do want about that punk
Ricky Schroeder.  You think you're so great because you were in "The Champ"?
But just like that movie you will also not make a penny because after the match
with the BudMan, the WeWF is going to bid you farewell!

I understand we have limited time, so I'm going to cut this interview short, &
welcome the greatest wrestler of all time, coming out to his favorite song,
"Sanitarium", by Metallica here he is DiMadMan!  (Shakes smooth's hand)

DiMadMan: I just want to tell everyone in the WeWF that I'm not here to look
pretty, I'm here to get what I want, and that's a pile of bones and a couple
of belt's strapped around my waist.  First of all, I want to say something to
that punk, Viking William.  You're just like the rest of the Williams clan in
wrestling, nothing but a BigTime LOSER!  I would like to challenge the Unknown
Masked Wrestler to a Barbed Wire Match!  Cause I'm going to show to the world,
men under masks bleed too!  So all of your idiot fans out there, better strap
yourselves into your seats, and glue yourselves to the TV because this
neurotic S.O.B. is here for the long run!

Smooth: I just have one last thing to say to "The Intoxicators" tag opponents.
You're just a stepping stone on our way to the greatest prize the tag team
gold!

I can tell you one thing, along with DiMadMan, the BudMan, and these two men.
(The Plaid Powerhouse, and Bjorn "the Swedish Pretzel" walk out)  We are the
greatest army ever assembled, and you can take that to the bank in the form of
gold!  (They all walk out spitting at, and taunting the fans)

Green Jean: I've got Angus "The Claymore" Campbell and Jake "Canadian" Shield
with me.  Angus, Jake, what is the future of Sword and Shield?

Angus: Johann's been doin' some serious soul-searchin' since the match
wi' Bjorn, but I disnae ken what he may hae found.  For now, we're still a
team; Johann hae promised me he'll decide one way or another afore next week's
matches.

Jake: Yeah, it was great teaming with the Claymore, and I'd do it again in a
second; but for now I've got my own career to worry about.  Neutralizer,
Destruction, thanks for pulling that maniac off of me.  Luckily, I wasn't
seriously hurt.  Which is more than I can say for Death, once I get through
with him!

Green Jean: All right, that was Angus Campbell and Jake Shield!  We now
take you back to ringside!

After losing World Title match, Destruction was attacked by Death, and choked
to within an inch of his life.

Death attacked Angus Campbell and beat him unconscious with the scythe.
Afterwards,  Death "Lay him to rest" with a claymore on his chest.  Jake
Shield was later beaten in the same way, and he was left with a shield on
his chest.

"Action Man, just 1 thing.  Say good-bye to your wrestling career.  And
if I'm in the mood, your manager will be taken out too"--Mr. Roddy

As he was leaving the Rosemont Horizon for his vacation, Mr. B was assaulted
by Death, who attempted to stuff him in a closet.  Mr. B escaped, however, and
has not been seen since.

"For many years, the only things to do in Tuktoyaktuk are hunt, fish,
and fight polar bears.  Then the oilmen came.  They brought TV and
satellite dishes.

On the TV I saw WeWF.  I saw the men wrestle, and I laughed.  I
laughed because these men could not beat a walrus, let alone a polar
bear!  The oilmen say I would not last a minute with WeWF wrestlers.
Ha!  I would show those foolish oilmen.  I packed my dog sled and
traveled six weeks from Tuktoyaktuk to WeWF.

Now, Nanook of the North is here!  Look out wrestlers of WeWF, I will
crush you like I have crushed many polar bear in Tuktoyaktuk!!!!"

The Killer Klowns shook hands with the Leaping Lords before their match.  The
Lords were "zapped" by the Klowns' 20000-volt joybuzzers!

Toraka: "You know, since we came on the seen, we haven't done the greatest
job in the world.  But now, you can bet that I, THE SAMURAI, will become a
member of the greatest tag team of all time, isn't that right, Tsugi..."

Tsugi: "That's right, SAMURAI.  When you hit the IMPERIAL STORM, you'll be
sailing right into the KAMAKAZE!"

Simon Bolendorf was seen paying the referee after the Maniacs win against
the Leaping Lords.

After their match with the Klingons, they the Killer Klowns hit them with
lead-loaded pies.

Doug "Crusher" Corey -- "There I was at home, having a beer, enjoying SUPERCARD
on the tube with some of my friends.  Imagine my surprise when I saw
'The-so-called Crusher' interfering in matches left and right.  You can duck
and run for only so long 'Crusher,' but eventually yer gonna have to face me.
And when you do, I'll be the one and only, truly original "Crusher" in the WeWF.
You came into the WeWF and stole MY NAME hoping to ride on MY fame and MY glory!

"But don't despair 'Crusher,' when I've destroyed you and taken back
what is truly mine you won't have to leave the WeWF 'cause I've got my book of
names right here [holds up book] and I'll find you a replacement name now so
that you can keep your job. [thumbs through book]  Here's a good one!  How about
'The Nancy' or maybe 'The Gwendoline?' HA HA HA HA HA" [saunters off]

The IMPERIAL STORM snuck into the locker room area and substituted water
pistols for the Klingons' phasers.  When the Klingons tried to use them in
interfering with a Strike Eagle match, all that came out of them was water.
The Klingons were then attacked immediately after the match by the SAMURAI
wielding a Katana with reckless abandon...

Albert Turing -- "Green Jean, I loved your commentary job at Supercard!  How
about a date?"

Ricky Schroeder tried to continue his reign of terror today, as he attacked
the Flying Dutchman with a tire iron.  However, the Dutchman easily
dodged the flying metal weapon and repeated the flying suplex that had lain
Ricky low last week.  The only real damage to the Dutchman was to the seat
of his pants, which were bitten out by Spike Jewel, Rick's faithful
Rottweiler.  They were both chased away by an annoyed Flying Dutchman.

When asked for comment about his former partner's actions, Ultra Boy had
this to say," It's really a sad thing.  I feel sorry for Ricky, I really
do.  He hasn't won a match on his own, and so he thinks that resorting to
the methods of the Feral Frog or Death and Destruction will make him feel
like a man.  Well it can't Ricky, it only makes you look like a coward.
Please stop.  If you persist, I'm going to ask the president of the WeWF to
ban you from the league.  I mean this too.  I feel awful about what
happened to the Iceman, trying to get back at me.  I think that has stopped
after last week's match, but I don't know.  I have no further comment."

During the match between Klingon Phaser and the Kamakaze, Photon Torpedo
rushed to ringside with a hand phaser and burned the lock on the Kamakaze's
attache-case after stunning David Lightfinger.  Photon then proceeded to
scatter the contents of the attache-case (a few Monopoly dollar bills and half
a dozen copies of various PlayGirl magazines) on the ground, giving the
juiciest items to members of the live audience.

At every Killer Kangaroo match, the Feral Frog showed up and caused mayhem.
Gouging eyes, strangling, and trying to cut off the thumbs of the Killer
Kangeroo's opponents.  Several PLs lost their thumbs this week!

Masked Marvel: "Lord Roderick, you have been the lamest fued I have ever been
in. I can't believe I even started this thing with you.  But at least we've
both been in the WeWF since the start.  All these new people comming in and
cluttering up the bandwidth with their blah, blah, blah wrestling threats.  I
started this feud with you because you 'barely' pinned me in Report #1.  All
I wanted to do was prove I could beat you.  Last Report I did just that.
Goodbye."

The Feral Frog has taken up the sport of powerslamming the referee into the
crowd at the end of all his matches.  If he loses a match he will stab the
referee first.

>From Starfleet Headquarters, here is Admiral Chekov:

"LIGHTFINGER! My Klingons demolished your lousy Twin Spitters before the
SuperCard match, so what did you do?  Bring in a stupid-looking Ninja
cheesebrain to make a sneak attack.  But then, my ever-superior mind countered
that as well, as everybody in the WeWF knows by now... Tell me, Lightfinger,
how did your brave Ninja feel when he faced all 6'10", 398 pounds of the
Romulan Mauler???  Just like yet another Japanese Nerd-Twat!  And it will not
stop here!  We are marching to battle with our cloaking devices on,
Lightfinger; you never know WHO, WHAT and WHEN we'll strike, but we WILL
strike, that is guaranteed, and in the end, AS ALWAYS, the Ultimate Trekkies
shall prevail!  Chekov out."

Captain Chekov was surprised when he sat down in his captain's chair.  For
someone had poured superglue on it...

The Feral Frog continued his vicious ways, stabbing Frank Steel with a
knife, and hacking the rest of his opponents with his thumb cleaver.  When
the referee tried to stop him, the Feral Frog powerslammed the ref into the
crowd!

During a TV Taping match between the Imperial Storm and two prelim bums, the El
Cheapos, a Ninja-dressed masked wrestler came to ringside.  Feeling confident,
the Imperial Storm high-fived him, only to find later during the match that
the Ninja was Photon Torpedo in disguise!!!  Photon had enough time, however,
to beat the stuffing out of David Lightfinger before the wrestlers chased him
off.

At the same TV Taping, Romulan Mauler won a handicap match against three
opponents, picked one of them up, carrying him on his shoulders, and then
proceeded to interrupt an interview that Green Jean Oktoberfest was conducting
with Strike Eagle.  After an exchange of insults, Mauler gorilla-pressed the
PL and threw him onto Strike Eagle, who fell off the platform and had to be
escorted back to the dressing room, limping.

The Violent Vampire showed up with the Feral Frog at all Lemming's matches,
and when things started to go wrong for the Lemming they ran run into the ring
and disrupted the fight.  The Vampire bit the opposition wrestler and the
referee, and the Frog thrashed the referee.