WeWF Report #9 From: arxt@quads.uchicago.edu (patrick palmer) Date: Sun, 24 Feb 1991 22:07:15 +0000 WeWF Report #9 2/24/91 General Takes World Belt! The General beat Juggernaut to become the 10th WeWF World Champion! Juggernaut had held the belt for almost a month! The General lost his Africa/Australia belt to Mr. Roddy, but defeated Juggernaut by 5 points! Photon Torpedo beat Juggernaut by DQ in the first match, and "Irish" Mike Flint had only lost by 3 points before the General won his title match! Next turn he will defend against Juggernaut, Frank Steel, Destruction, Mr. Roddy and Volcano. Leaping Lords Retain Tag Belts! The Leaping Lords beat their three challengers and retained the belts! They had some close matches, but became the first team to hold the belts two turns in a row! They will defend the belts against the Maniacs at the February Supercard, and the winners of that match will defend the titles next week! Unknown Masked Wrestler Wins Battle Royal! The Unkown Masked Wrestler, managed by Johnny the Geek, won the WeWF Battle Royal on Friday, and got $ 100,000 from Mr. Fujikuchi! Who is this masked man? More Supercard Matches Signed! Nine Supercard matches have been signed! The new ones are FireLord vs. Lord Roderick to determine the true lord of the WeWF, the Newfie Bulletts vs. Flint and Steel, Death & Destruction vs. Angus "the Caber" Campbell and Jake "Canadian" Shield in an Iron Man match, and the Legion of Super Wrestlers with Juggernaut vs. AquaDemon, TerraDoom and WindWarrior! The Supercard is now just four days away! In case this hasn't been clarified, Supercard matches count on wrestler's records (except six-man matches). Also, if a champion is in a match at the Supercard, it will be a title defense. New Stuff I started picking the hold values this turn, so they are no longer random. If your wrestler isn't doing well, change his repetoire, but if he's doing fine, don't change it! I had planned to start adding experience this turn, but it made the results look very, very, weird, so I dumped it for now. The List of Managers, the List of Champions, and the Handbook are all available upon request. Errors Two matches between Lord Roderick and Strike Eagle were listed last turn, but it should have just been one match. The Feral Frog and the Neutralizer had two matches, and the Feral Frog should have won both. Neither of these errors had any effect on the records, however. Send me your matches/comments by 3/3/91! This Week's Matches World Title: Photon Torpedo beat Juggernaut by DQ. Juggernaut survived "Irish" Mike Flint. The General barely pinned Juggernaut. The General beat Volcano. The General beat Strike Eagle. Tag Team Title: The Leaping Lords survived the Legion of Super Wrestlers. The Leaping Lords pinned the Klingons. The Leaping Lords barely pinned the Northern Lights. Continental Titles: Lord Roderick barely pinned Photon Torpedo. Lord Roderick beat Strike Eagle. Frank Steel survived Lord Roderick. AquaDemon survived "Irish" Mike Flint. AquaDemon destroyed Angus "the Claymore" Campbell. Destruction survived AquaDemon. Mr. Roddy beat the General. Mr. Roddy beat TerraDoom. Mr. Roddy annihilated the Lethal Lemming. Other Matches: Strike Eagle survived Dr. Bong. Lar Gand beat the Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold. Virus pinned FireLord. Ultra Boy barely pinned Photon Torpedo. George Bush beat Drake Dukenagger. The Crusher survived the General. The Masked Marvel destroyed Dr. Bong. WindWarrior barely pinned Photon Torpedo. Lord Roderick beat the Plaid Powerhouse. The Neutralizer survived Volcano in a no DQ match. Frank Steel dominated the Swiler. Photon Torpedo beat the Feral Frog. Lar Gand beat Flying Dutchman. Dr. Bong pinned il Duce'. The General beat Volcano. Bjorn "the Swedish Pretzel" beat Photon Torpedo. FireLord annihilated Doug "Crusher" Corey. Ultra Boy destroyed Ricky Schroeder in a last shreds of Ricky's dignity match. The Masked Marvel pinned Lord Roderick. The Neutralizer barely pinned Strike Eagle. Bjorn "the Swedish Pretzel" annihilated Ricky Schroeder. Strike Eagle survived Drake Dukenagger. Lar Gand beat Dr. Bong. Jake "Canadian" Shield and Juggernaut fought to a time limit draw. Mr. Roddy annihilated the Unknown Masked Wrestler in a stretcher match. Volcano barely pinned Drake Dukenagger. Photon Torpedo and Jake "Canadian" Shield fought to a time limit draw. Virus beat Dr. Bong. Volcano survived Strike Eagle. The General beat the Neutralizer. Bart Simpson pinned Drake Dukenagger. Black Tiger barely pinned Mugambo Squid. Destruction beat Vito Gianelli. Photon Torpedo pinned the Human Ox - Mongo. Mr. Roddy destroyed Flying Dutchman. Ultra Boy pinned the Neutralizer. Bart Simpson barely pinned Flying Dutchman. Lar Gand dominated Albert Turing. Dr. Bong pinned the Iceman. Pain dominated the Neutralizer. The General beat Joe "Brick" Wall. Photon Torpedo barely pinned Volcano. Dr. Bong pinned Death. WindWarrior dominated the Human Ox - Mongo. Photon Torpedo barely pinned Volcano. The Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold survived Mugambo Squid. Drake Dukenagger dominated Doug "Crusher" Corey. Lar Gand beat Strike Eagle. Mr. Roddy destroyed the Neutralizer. The Plaid Powerhouse beat Albert Turing. Destruction annihilated Doug "Crusher" Corey. The Plaid Powerhouse survived Flying Dutchman. Dr. Bong survived Drake Dukenagger. Photon Torpedo beat Death. Flying Dutchman pinned the Human Ox - Mongo. The Killer Kangeroo dominated Drake Dukenagger. The Masked Marvel destroyed the Unknown Masked Wrestler. FireLord pinned Volcano. Flying Dutchman barely pinned the Unknown Masked Wrestler. Destruction dominated Drake Dukenagger. George Bush pinned the Neutralizer. The Plaid Powerhouse barely pinned the Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold. Frank Steel barely beat the Millionaire in a first blood match (first match). FireLord barely pinned Juggernaut. Virus survived Bjorn "the Swedish Pretzel". Lord Roderick destroyed the Lethal Lemming. Flying Dutchman beat Ricky Schroeder. Black Tiger pinned the Human Ox - Mongo. Dr. Bong barely pinned the Unknown Masked Wrestler. The General beat the Wild Boy, R.U. Reddy. Virus pinned Ultra Boy in a tungsten dura-alloy cage match. Frank Steel barely beat the Millionaire (second match). FireLord beat Drake Dukenagger. Vito Gianelli and Volcano fought to a time limit draw. "Viking" William barely pinned Virus. Bart Simpson beat the Human Ox - Mongo. The Swiler pinned il Duce'. George Bush beat Flying Dutchman. Tag Team Matches: The Leaping Lords dominated FEAR. The Twin Spires pinned Fire and Ice. The Maniacs pinned the Legion of Super Wrestlers. The Chain Gang pinned the Klingons. Death and Destruction destroyed the Northern Lights. O.S.E. pinned the Chain Gang. The Dynamic Machine beat the Leaping Lords. The Maniacs beat the Twin Spires. The Klingons beat FEAR. The Dynamic Machine pinned O.S.E. Alpha and Omega survived the Highlanders. The Chain Gang survived the Northern Lights (first match). The Maniacs dominated Fire and Ice. The Legion of Super Wrestlers dominated FEAR. The Dynamic Machine beat the Northern Lights. The Maniacs pinned the Chain Gang. Flint and Steel beat the Leaping Lords. O.S.E. barely pinned the Leaping Lords. The Maniacs beat the Northern Lights. The Twin Spires barely pinned the Klingons. O.S.E. pinned the Northern Lights. Flint and Steel beat the Chain Gang. The Dynamic Machine barely pinned the Maniacs. O.S.E. destroyed FEAR. The Chain Gang survived the Northern Lights (second match). The Legion of Super Wrestlers survived the Twin Spires. The Terror Technicians beat the Dynamic Machine. The Maniacs destroyed FEAR. O.S.E. pinned the Legion of Super Wrestlers. The Highlanders dominated the Northern Lights. WeWF Wrestler Rankings World Champion: The General (17-15) Tag Team Champions: The Leaping Lords (20-11) Americas Champion: Frank Steel (16-15-1) Eurasia Champion: Destruction (10-3) Africa/Australia Champion: Mr. Roddy (20-17-1) 1. Juggernaut (26-9-1) 2. Volcano (32-16-1) 3. FireLord (12-4) 4. Virus (10-3) 5. Strike Eagle (13-7) 6. Ultra Boy (9-4) 7. "Irish" Mike Flint (13-10) 8. George Bush (9-6) 9. Doug "Crusher" Corey (9-6) 10. Lar Gand (5-2) 11. AquaDemon (4-1) 12. WindWarrior (4-1) 13. The Lethal Lemming (21-20-1) 14. The Crusher (16-15) 15. Bart Simpson (10-9-1) 16. Vito Gianelli (8-7-1) 17. TerraDoom (2-1) 18. The Killer Kangeroo (1-0) 19. Lord Roderick (19-19-2) 20. The Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold (6-6) 21. The Plaid Powerhouse (3-3) 22. Jake "Canadian" Shield (1-1-2) 23. Mugambo Squid (12-13) 24. Angus "the Claymore" Campbell (3-4) 25. The Millionaire (2-3) 26. The Wild Boy, R.U. Reddy (0-1) 27. Joe "Brick" Wall (15-17-2) 28. The Swiler (7-9) 29. Il Duce' (7-9) 30. Black Tiger (5-7) 31. The Masked Marvel (3-5) 32. Photon Torpedo (12-15-1) 33. Drake Dukenagger (5-8) 34. Bjorn "the Swedish Pretzel" (4-7) 35. Albert Turing (3-6) 36. The Neutralizer (9-13-1) 37. Pain (7-11-1) 38. The Iceman (7-12) 39. Flying Dutchman (6-11-1) 40. Death (4-10) 41. The Unknown Masked Wrestler (0-6) 42. Ricky Schroeder (0-6) 43. The Feral Frog (13-20) 44. "Viking" William (5-12-2) 45. Dr. Bong (6-14) 46. The Human Ox - Mongo (0-8) Tag Teams: 1. The Dynamic Machine (13-5) Juggernaut and Black Tiger 2. O.S.E. (6-1) Mr. B and Action Man 3. Flint and Steel (10-7) "Irish" Mike Flint and Frank Steel 4. The Chain Gang (6-3) The Steroid Centurion and the Eunuch 5. Alpha and Omega (4-2) Alpha and Omega 6. The Maniacs (12-11) Maniac #1 and Maniac #2 7. The Legion of Super Wrestlers (4-3) Ultra Boy and Lar Gand 8. The Terror Technicians (3-2) Pain and Virus 9. Death and Destruction (4-5) Death and Destruction 10. The Highlanders (1-2) Bjorn and the Plaid Powerhouse 11. The Northern Lights (8-10) Angus Campbell and Johann Svenson 12. The Klingons (8-10-1) Klingon Phaser and Klingon Disrupter 13. FEAR (6-9-1) Il Duce' and the Unknown Masked Wrestler 14. Fire and Ice (4-9) Volcano and the Iceman 15. The Twin Spires (3-10) Toraka Gaijin and Tsugi Fokuyama Did Not Compete: Action Man (2-0) Beaver Bernie The Berserker (0-1) Donald "the A-Train" Able (2-6) The Double J (2-1) Franz (1-3) Hans (11-9) Irving Forbush (7-8-1) Johann "Great Dane" Svenson (3-3) Mason "the Arm" Rockwell Max Altitude (0-1) Mr. B (6-7-1) The Pickpocket (4-2) Hans and Franz (4-4) The Newfie Bullets (1-2) RnR (0-5) Comments Quote: The Golden Pig continues his climb up the latter. Mugambo Squid, you're next on the hit-list. Sooooooeeeeeeee! Strike Eagle responds "Ok, Photon-breath. You tried to ambush me with a rubber chicken, just the thing that fits you! Now, you of all people have gained the Americas belt. Well, this all good Americans cannot stand for! Prepare, Photon, for your torpedo to hit my SIDEWINDERS!!!" Twin Spires..."Ok, Klingons. You ambushed us, but this ain't over yet. You had better be lookin' over your shoulders for us at ALL of your matches from now on. Oh, and by the way, congratulations to the Chain Gang for clobbering those idiots for us..." David Lightfinger..."Chekov, do you think I actually wrestle myself? Why do you think I manage one of the most successful wrestlers in the WeWF today? Obviously, you can't even defeat the Chain Gang's manager, so why should I get involved? Don't worry, my money's in the bank! Heh, heh!" During a match between the Klingons and the Chain Gang, the mysterious man in black appeared. He proceeded to attack the Klingon's manager with a Ninja-to!! Admiral Chekov was reported in stable condition after the bloody attack... In another of the Klingon's matches, the Twin Spires appeared carrying celluar car phones. While the Klingon's exited the ring, the Spires beat the Klingons with the phones and attempted to strangle their manager with their chain watches. The Spires fled when Photon Torpedo stormed out of the locker room area... Manager David Lightfinger showed up at a Legion of Superheroes match carrying a sign saying "Free Glorith". He was subsequently chased out of the area... Rumor has it that the Twin Spires are tying to buy Paramount Pictures. The reason, according to their spokesman was to 'fire that idiot Chekov and all of the Klingons'... Another rumor.......MC Rapper is in for a big surprise at the SuperCard.... Steel: Photon Torpedo, you took my belt and I plan on getting it back, you may think that you're pretty hot with all of you high tech weponry, well I'm gonna come at you with some good old fashion hot Steel and we'll see how long your deflector shields can take the punishment. Molly Maguire: Well, well, well, it looks like the Millionaire has finally won a match, of course he did it by beating Dr. Bong, the WeWF's own version of Leapin' Lanny Poffo, but I said that once you win a match I'd send one of my boys down to teach you a lesson, well Millionaire, Frank here is in wrestling because one of you sleezy creepoid friends sucked all of the life out of the mill where he worked and then shut it down, he is going to make an example of you and every shot that he puts on you is going to be for the starving children of those mill workers who lost their jobs when your blood sucking buddies figured getting his new Mercedes was more important that the livelyhood of that town. So watch out Millionaire, you're gonna be in a world of hurt and all of you money won't do you a bit of good. Flint: Let's see, Last round I beat the Brick Wall, The Leaping Lemming, the Feral Toad, and the Swiller to get back my belt, and together Me and Frank beat The Leaping Lords and the Newfie Bulletts, but I was just looking at the rankings and they say that the Leaping Lords are the Tag Team Champs, well that really burns me up, and not only that, one of those greasy little pukes stabbed me again. Now I don't mind getting stabbed all that much, it happens. But when it is a slimy little reptile who sits in the muck and eats pond scum, well somethings just gotta be done about it, so bring it on lords, and if you show up with that little toad sticker of yours again, I'm just gonna have to have Molly hand me my pick ax and show you what frog sticking is really all about. Molly: Well, Amazon Amy, I hear that you think that you are the baddest b*tch manager in the WeWF, well my boys plan to show you and that freak show that you call the Chain gang who the baddest b*tch really is. "I am PROUD to say that I have never had to work a day in my life. I was born with a GOLDEN spoon in my mouth. And now this low class Molly person and the peasants Flint & Steel decide that they want to see just how much better I am compared to them. I am ready. And when we meet in the ring, just remember 1 thing. I could buy and sell all of you with the coins I carry in my pocket."--the Millionaire "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Everybody in the WeWF can now rejoice. The Menace has shown his true color of yellow and got out of the sport. But now the Geek is trying to get me out of the WeWF by petitioning the president. Whats the matter, your boys not able to get the job done by themselves. I have just started to have fun, hurting people is fun, and im not done having fun yet!!!"--Mr. Roddy "It was nice. It was quiet. But now, it's over. The Masked Marvel has been reinstated in the WeWF. And not only has he decided to get into my face again, he has taken it upon himself to interfere in matches that dont even concern him. Well Masked Marvel, I guess you won't be happy until you get taken out of wrestling for good. And I'm volunteering for the job."--Lord Roderick During an interview segment with the Geek. Keith Skar comes down to the area and starts telling him what RnR is going to do to FEAR. As the Geek is arguing Mr. Roddy sneaks behind him and knocks him out with a chair. They then handcuffed him and whipped the Geek with belts! During the Masked Marvel's matches, he noticed Lord Roderick sitting ringside with a sign that reads "Quit or Suffer the Consequences." During Death&Destructions matches, they noticed Keith Skar coming down to ringside carrying a small box and a small jar. **** and now, this weeks segment of...... ************* *THE ARM BAR* ************* (cut to a sound stage made up to look like a sleezy bar, a man wearing a muscle shirt and funky green sunglasses stands behind the bar) Mason: Hello everyone, this is Mason "The Arm" Rockwell, semi-retired but still with the most impressive arm in wrestling today (Shows off his massive arm by flexing his bicep). And welcome to The Arm Bar, the place where real wrestlers hang out. My guest today is someone relatively new on the WeWF scene. He's only been here for three turns and he's racked up an impressive 4-0 record. Would you please welcome....DRAKE DUKENAGGER! (Drake walks out...Some cheer...Some boo) Drake: Thank you Mason, and let me tell that it's great to be on a show with a truly well pumped-up wrestler such as yourself. Mason: Thanks Drake. You know, you're my kind or wrestler, the kind who isn't afraid to get in there and smash some face. I admire that. Now Drake, you're 4-0, ranked seventh, where do you go from here? Drake: Well Mason, Let me just say to all the girlie men out there who are hiding away from being hit like real men, let me say just this...Hear me now and believe me later. I am coming to beat you up, ya. This week and for ever more I will fight all who will stand against me. If you wish to fight, fight like real men...not like little girlie men. Mason: Are there any particular girlie-men out there you wish to name? Drake: Ya! Bart Simpson, you are the biggest girlie-man of all time. You are a little speck of baby poop on my wrestling boots. As for all of you other girlie-men. I challenge Volcano, Strike Eagle, Doug Corey, Firelord and Destruction. This turn will be war and when the smoke clears I will either be victorious or dead.... Mason: Well folks, you heard it here first. Drake Dukenagger, is he destined for the championship or the morgue? Only time will tell. This is Mason "The Arm" (Flexes Bicep) Rockwell saying stay sharp! To be on The Arm Bar send mail to WeWF HQ with "Arm Bar" in the subject line... => From StarFleet Headquarters, here is Admiral Chekov, Manager of the Ultimate Trekkies I TOLD YOU!!! Photon Torpedo DID become the first wrestler in WeWF history to win a Continental title while ranked DEAD LAST in the ratings! (and I got promoted) Now, Juggernaut, watch out, or get Photonized! And Strike Eagle... don't worry, your luck won't hold. And you, Chain Gang, you think you are funny, imitating The Enterprise, right? Well, you will end up just as those lousy Twin Spires: down the Warp Engine drain. Which brings me to David Lightfinger. You are scared so stiff that you didn't even bother accepting my challenge to a manager vs manager match at SuperCard. So, I must spell it again: FIGHT ME AT SUPERCARD AND I WILL EAT YOU ALIVE! Just as my Ultimate Trekkies will destroy the Twin Spires and Strike Eagle, you will be thrown out of the photon tubes with the rest of the litter. Nuff said. The Feral Frog continued to bring his thumb cleaver to ringside. Also, during their match, the Feral Frog used his concealed chain to strangle Photon Torpedo. He tried to chop off Torpedo's thumbs, but was unsuccessful. The Killer Kangeroo attacked Drake Dukenagger and broke both of Drake's arms! During the match between the Leaping Lords and O.S.E the Feral Frog attacked Mr B. with a machete to the head! And for the third time he burned Angus Campbell with a cigarette lighter! Photon Torpedo challenged Volcano and shot at him with a bazooka before the match! ====== WeWF Wrestling Spotlight ============= JAY: With me at the moment, making a spectacular debut in the WeWF, is The Chain Gang. Last week, totally destroying the tag-team combinations of Fire & Ice and The Klingons. But now, I believe you've got another team on your mind....Let's take a look at the tape. (Tape Segment) After the match between the Chain Gang and Fire & Ice, the Dynamic Machine rushes from the audience brandishing chairs and potted plants, swinging them wildly. The Chain Gang rushes off to the safety of the locker room. S.C.: Yeah, them idiots came out of nowhere. But we've got something planned for them in the future.... UNIK: (Very soprano....but you probably already knew that) Juggernaut, you may be the WeWF World Champ, but you don't know squat about Tag-teams. There's going to be TWO Championship-class wrestlers out there you have to worry about. S.C.: Black Tiger, make your appointment with a chiropracter now. Your back is going to be in a lot worse shape after meeting up with the best body that came out of a bottle. (Flex,flex, flex) AMY: You want a chain match, you got it. You want a chain-saw match, you got it. Then stop being a bunch of wusses and sign the match for SUPERCARD. JAY: Okay, Fans, you heard it right hear...."Amazon" Amy Forrester throwing down the gauntlet to the Dynamic Machine for the great SUPERCARD Spectacular. We'll keep you up to date on any response from the Dynamic Machine. That's all for now, more WeWF Wrestling action on the way..... =========================================== This week a reign of terror of hitherto unimagined proportions erupted within the ranks of the WeWF! In separate incidents: * A badly beaten Angus Campbell was seen being dumped out of a speeding car with license plates which read "The Doctor". Campbell had apparently been subjected to torture and ritual humiliation (including electrocution). Figures tentatively identified as Mr B and Action Man were seen peering out the rear window of the car as it sped away. * At a local disco, Black Tiger was dragged from the dance floor and double teamed in the bathroom. Multiple cuts and abrasions were sustained by the Tiger, as well as a suspected skull fracture. * A small bomb was planted in the locker used by the Steroid Centurion before a match midweek. The Centurion is rumoured to have suffered temporary blindness from the blast, as well as facial injuries. Action Man was reported lurking in the vicinity soon before the incident. * Mr B hid in the trunk of the Unknown Masked Wrestler's car for half a day before attacking from behind with a barbed-wire garrote. After several minutes of strangling, Mr B produced a hammer with which he did severe damage to the knees of the UMW. * Ultra Boy attended a secret rendezvous which, he thought, would lead to a multi-million dollar contract. However when he reached the meeting place (a seedy hotel room downtown) he was set upon by Mr B and Action Man. The two took turns suplexing Ultra Boy down the stairs, clotheslining him on the balcony railing and piledriving him in the bathtub. Ultra Boy was apparently seriously injured. * After a night of heavy drinking, Death and Destruction were joined by a mysterious stranger who began buying round after round of drinks. At some stage both wrestlers were slipped a Mickey Finn. When they awoke, they found themselves naked and bound head and foot, lying in an empty freight car hundreds of miles from home and speeding north at a rate of knots. In addition Death was suffering a cruelly broken nose and Destruction's right hand had been smashed. Both men had a large 'B' painted on their chest, while the letters 'O.S.E' were carved into their backs. The mysterious stranger is rumoured to have strongly resembled Dr Down-Under. ====== WeWF Wrestling Spotlight ====== JAY: Greetings Fans! 'Crazy Jay' Morgan here once again. Let's get a few words from Vito Gianelli, who is coming to us live from the site of the WeWF SUPERCARD match-up. VITO: Hey, 'Crazy Jay'. I'm here at the site of the upcoming SUPERCARD match-up. (Motions behind him) In just a few days, a lot of these seats are going to be filled by hundreds of VITO-maniacs. And when you get that many WeWF wrestling fans in here, the place is going to explode. JAY: Vito, while talking to you earlier, you mentioned arriving early to prepare for your match. Who will you be up against? VITO: We got something in the works, so we'll just have to wait and see if they accept the challenge. No matter who I wrestle, I can guarantee it will be an excellent match. JAY: Okay, You know about the matches already scheduled. What are your predictions? VITO: If I were a gambling man, I'd take *The Leaping Lords over The Maniacs: There's going to be a lot of activity that the ref won't be able to keep his eyes on. *Bjorn will be the Viking King of the WeWF. *Those trekkies don't stand a chance against that high-flying Strike Eagle and those two other losers. *Mr. B will humiliate Mr. Roddy, giving us 5 Roddy-less weeks. *Finally, Action Man, although he could barely pin me, should make easy work of Mugambo Squid. JAY: Let's get back to your defeat by Action Man. How come you seem to do well against the top-ranked wrestlers, but somehow manage to lose to many of the up-and-coming wrestlers? VITO: What? (Taps earpiece) You wanna repeat that? (Tap,tap, tap) This thing isn't working. (tap,tap,tap) JAY: Okay, it appears we've run into (sarcastically) "a few technical difficulties." Let's go back down to ringside where the next match is about to get underway. =============================================== The Chain Gang made appearances at all of the Dynamic Machine's scheduled matches. Nothing happened, except for the exchange of insults, finger-pointing, and the usual flexing. "Ok Johann Svenson, I must admit you have managed to defeat me in our two bouts. Yes, I have felt the fury of Loki's Legbuster, but our Supercard Match on February 28'th is going to be a whole new battle. I've been workin out 10 hours a day with my partner "The Plaid Powerhouse" fine tuning my body into the ultimate wrecking machine! It is you Great Dane who is gonna feel your ligaments snap as I slap my patented figure four on you! Get ready for the most painful match of your WeWF career! --Bjorn "the sweedish pretzel" Sneak Attack: After Bjorn's fight with the Flying Dutchman, Bjorn walloped Green Jean Oktoberfest in the head with a 2 foot salami and screamed, "You're next Great Dane! You're next! Black Tiger scratched up the Unknown Masked Wrestler's car with his patented Tiger Claws (r) popping the tires and messing up the upholstery! Later he hid in the Feral Frog's locker, and slashed the Frog on the cheek! Cut to the UWeMail Event Centre... "Hello again, eWrestling Fans! This is Baboon Tempest, and we're just hours away from the first Supercard in WeWF history! One of the great match-ups will be between Bjorn "The Swedish Pretzel" and Johann "Great Dane" Svenson, who wilit out for the WeWF Viking King crown! Here, with his comments, is Great Dane Svenson:" (Johann stands with his back towards the camera. He is wearing a Viking helmet, complete with horns) "Bjorn... you've unleashed forces you can't comprehend, Bjorn. For I have sung my death songs, I've sacrificed my ship and my weapons to Odin, Thor, and the Valkyrior. And now the storm rises, Bjorn, within me and without, and I have nothing to lose." (Johann slowly turns around to face the camera. His wrists are chained together) "Have you ever fought a berserker, Bjorn? Have you ever stepped in the ring with someone who has nothing to lose, and who fears nothing? You probably think that the chains will save you, that I won't be able to unleash the dreaded Flying Battleaxe because of these chains..." (Johann raises his arms to shoulder level, then suddenly starts to pull his arms apart. After a few seconds the chains break and fall. Johann's wrists are bloody from the effort, but he doesn't notice.) "You see, Bjorn? Those were the chains that were supposed to save you from me! But they won't stop me, for I am Einheriar, a chosen warrior of Odin! Nothing can stop me! This is your last chance to back down, Bjorn, and no one will call you a coward. But if you step in the ring on February 28th, all you can expect is a one-way trip to Valhalla!" (Fade to black, then back to the Event Centre) "Hmm. Looks like that'll be one Supercard match that no one should miss, and you can take that to the bank. Remember, the action is all on February 28th, and Green Jean and I will bring you all the action! WeWF, what the WORLD is READING!" Seen in the classified ads - "Wanted: Supercard opponent(s). Any kind of match acceptable. Apply to Angus Campbell or Jake Shield, IMMEDIATELY!" Black Tiger has been trying to contact the mysterious ninja who has been showing up. "Hey Leaping Losers --- You shall soon see that lunatics like us, the Maniacs, are not people to mess around with! We will destroy you at the February SuperCard to avenge Simon's kidnapping!" Ricky Schroeder speaks as he takes off his back brace before his match with one time teammate Ultra Boy: U-Boy I'm going to show my doggie Spike Jewel just what to do with old socks like you. I'm going to bite you in the middle like this [bites towel] andth thake you athound like thith [vigourously shakes towel and head back and forth], then thpit you outh! [Spits towel out and begins jumping on it]. Then I'll pound you into the mat like this, and this! And This! [gets so into stomping his towel that he loses balance and strikes head on ring post. Ricky is very dizzy and and incoherant]. That'll show you, ohhhh! [Falls over in a heap. The ref carries Ricky into ring for battle]. TAPE CLIP: Scene: Death and Destruction's Room of Doom. The scroll and scythe are not in evidence; nor are Death and Destruction laughing. Death gestures at the candleabra, and the flames leap up. In them can be seen footage of the Northern Lights in various matches, including their matches against Death and Destruction. The two watch intently, commenting to one another and studying the Lights' ring techniques. They look impressed. The scene fades to black. "A lot of people down at the gym have been talking lately! They've been saying things like, "The WeWF has the biggest wrestlers", and, "The WeWF has the baddest wrestlers". Well, THAT'S WHAT I WANT! The hotter it gets, the more I like it! WeWF, are you ready for R.U. Reddy!?" Doug "Crusher" Corey -- "All right, Crusher. Enough is enough!! You may have beaten me last time out, but I DEVASTATED you in our first match! In fact, I've been destroying ALL of my opponents. You might say I've CRUSHED them! And all the while you just been playing mamby-pamby with the General. Right now, I'm the FASTEST RISING STAR in the WeWF and I'm here to tell you that there just isn't room for the both of us with the same name. You STOLE my name trying to ride in on my fame!! But not any longer, bucko. I challenge you, right here and now, to meet me in *$UPERCARD* for a "loser drops the 'Crusher' name forever" match, if you dare!! Just to show you I'm not really a mean spirited guy, I've bought you a book, "10,000 Names For Your Baby." I wouldn't want all the other wrestlers to call you 'The ?' for the rest of your life. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ........ " ---------------------------- And now to Green Jean Oktoberfest with a special live interview! {cut to Green Jean on soundstage with an unknown masked wrestler} GJ: Hello everyone, this is Green Jean here and my special guest is the winner of the spectacular Battle Royal! Who are you, we don't even have a name for you? ??: I want the belt! GJ: Hmm... You look kind of familiar... Have we ever met before? ??: I Want The Belt! GJ: I'd swear I've seen you before, do you think I could persuade you to take of the mask for a moment... {Green Jean reaches for mask} ??: I WANT THE BELT! {at this point the unknown masked wrestler shoves Green Jean and storms off the stage} GJ: Boy, what a pushy guy! Wait, I think I know who he really is! Nah, it couldn't be him, could it?... ------------------------------ The Feral Frog wishes to point out to the Ultra Boy, that just because he eliminated the frog in the blood royal, doesn't mean that he is better. Everyone knows that the Feral Frog was discriminated against by the referees. Watch out Ultra Boy, the deserved winner of the Battle royal will stomp you to the ground. Who was that masked wrestler? Come on, challenge the frog, see what happens.... Cliff Leapov is in the midst of filing a complaint against the royal's organisers for refusing to except tag team entries. Of course with the Leaping Lords, it would have been no contest. Ultra Boy Speaks: No puns, no posing Virus. My Ultra Strength and Ultra Speed will pin you to the mat in the first three minutes. Photon Torpedo, you are a pretender to the Championship, and if I don't take you out, someone else will. You're a fluke! Lar Gand? Lar Gand: I have no comment. My actions in the ring must speak for me. Ultra Boy: I'll speak for you too, Lar. You'll be pounding the mat with Oink Zeggpold soon, and you're next Mugambo Squid! You don't seem to have learned your lesson from when I basted you. Lemming, I beat single handedly and now we're going after your tag team title. We're gonna make you leap out of your skin in fear! Now I want to introduce our new manager. We're tired of being shut out of title matches when our prowess is clear. This is Jacques R. Brandt. J.R. Brandt: Humph! Out of the way lad [cuts in front of Ultra Boy]. Under my guidence, the Legion of Super Wrestlers are going to leave an indelible stamp on the face of the WeWF. I've already arranged a three man tag team match with Juggernaut and the Legion teamed up together. We're just looking for opponents brave enough to face them! Now Ultra Boy my lad, did you have something to say about the supercard Battle Royal? U-Boy: I sure do Jacques. I tore up the opposition in the Battle Royal, which proves my claim to some title shots! Also, who is this Unknown Masked Wrestler, this dark horse out of nowhere? You're no Ricky Schroeder, I'll give you that O Masked One. You did best me in the Battle Royal, but no real MAN goes int the ring with spandex on his FACE. What do you have to hide? Could it be you FEAR my ULTRA Strength? You'd better, because I'm gunning for you. And when I beat you, I'm gonna rip that mask right off of your face! [Nods decisively, while Lar Gand flexes] _SNEAK ATTACK!_ Ricky Schroeder took revenge for his humiliating defeat last week. Dragged from his hospital bed pained, dizzy and on codeine; the semi-conscious Rickster was thrown helplessly around the ring like a rag doll by the Iceman. This week Ricky met the Iceman in his dressing room, fully recovered from the Gordanian Knot and armed with a two by four. Striking him solidly behind the left ear, Ricky rang Iceman like a bell. He then demonstrated his new hold, the Super-Wedgie, on the unconscious wrestler. Ricky's rotweiler, Spike Jewel, had chewed Iceman's leg into a bloody mess in the meantime. When Iceman was found, the message, "You will be next Ultra Wart!" had been carved into Iceman's chest with a rusty spoon. "Baboon Tempest here at the WeWF Action Centre. We've just received important word about the upcoming Supercard - Angus Campbell and Jake Shield will team up against Death and Destruction. We have a tape... can we roll the tape, boys? This tape should explain these fast-breaking events..." (Cut to an outdoors scene. Rugged hills can be seen in the background. In the foreground, Angus "The Caber" Campbell kneels by a small campfire, talking to a wizened old woman) "...so that'd be the end o' it then, Clan Mother. We've been challenged by these curs, but wi' Johann fighting Bjorn I cannae accept the challenge on my own. Still, I'd give my right arm tae be able tae fight those slugs, tae put an end tae the harm they've done once an' for all." "Ye must not walk away from such a fight, Angus Campbell. Ye are a shinin' example tae the wee bairns as it is, but ye must be more than a' that. I see in the flames that ye must also be a Sword for us all, agin such dark forces as are assembled before ye... an' as tae yuir partner, I foresee that a sword is o' little use wi'out a shield... Does this mean aught tae ye, Angus Campbell?" "Aye," says Angus softly, "it does at that, Clan Mother." (The scene fades to black, and Baboon Typhoon reappears) "Hmm. A most interesting tape. And now Green Jean Oktoberfest is standing by with Angus Campbell and Jake Shield." "Thanks, Baboon. Angus, Jake, I understand you have something to say..." "Ye're right about that, Green Jean. Death, Destruction, ye thought that ye had it all figured out, didn't ye? Either the Northern Lights'd be weakened, since Johann would've fought a singles belt earlier, or we'd have tae back down, and ye could prance about claimin' that we'd ducked yuir challenge. But ye didnae ken that this man, Jake "Canadian" Shield, would step in aid a friend, did ye? And now, ye'll face the one thing ye dreaded from the start: a fair fight!" "Fair fight? Angus, let me tell you, there's nothing fair about us taking on those two! They can't out-think us, because if they were thinking they would never agree to this match! We've proven in the past that they can't out fight us; that's two down. And the final straw: can they scare us, with their black magic trappings? Can they put fear into the hearts of Angus "The Claymore" Campbell and Jake "Canadian" Shield? I say no, because we're... "The Sword..." "And the Shield!" "Back to you, Baboon." "Thanks Green Jean. In case you've just tuned in, this is a WeWF-NN newscast with our special report on the latest Supercard happenings. This is Baboon Tempest, returning you to your regularly scheduled email..." Up