UEFL From: jbillone@jarthur.Claremont.EDU (Jeremy Billones) Date: Thu, 21 Feb 1991 06:21:45 +0000 Central Division Newsletter Session E LP W L D GF GA CP TP Cash 22 MVP Sordid Sages 11 4 0 32 19 5 3 633 17 MVP Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks 7 5 3 21 18 5 4 573 17 EB Moonshine by Urn 6 4 5 25 15 6 4 482 14 EB Cylinder Heads 6 7 2 34 22 3.5 6 710 14 Amdahl United 6 7 2 29 34 3.5 5 233 13 Safety in Numbers 5 7 3 30 41 2 5 1072 12 The New Lions 5 8 2 21 28 1.5 3 638 11 EB Hoary Marmots 5 9 1 24 39 1.5 4 336 TPR is ahead of MbU by the 2nd Tiebreaker: Most Wins. AU is ahead of CH by the 3rd tiebreaker: Head-to Head Record (3-0) CONTROVERSY STRIKES IN PERIPHERAL It has recently been discovered that the young FW Joan of Arc has been playing for both Wainscotting and the Gresley Rovers since their "trade" two sessions ago. Wainscotting GM Steve Buffum noticed Arc in a Rovers highlight film, and notified the league office. The commissioner could not be reached for comment. ----- Press ----- The Marmot front office was once again very smug about their latest successes. This session, however, will be more of a challenge facing the number two and three teams. If last sessions whalloping by SS is any indication, things should be difficult. When asked about Mr. Wickart's QuikPix, the front office said a simple "phooey". The Third Leg performance was less than glowing, but better things have been promised, especially with the Marmots slipping in the "Goals For" category, but at least the "Goals Against" aren't the worst anymore - it's a tie. Moonshine Madness -- Prune is up to the following: Taking care of his sick son (out all week) Attending his daughter's Nat'l Geography Bee competition (round 2) Making the changes agreed on during code review (not originally Prune's code) Rehearsing the bass solo he just landed for the March & April concerts Just won the EEFL regular season chamionship by the commanding margin of zero LP and 3 goals in goal differential. Back-seat supervising the building of his new home. [What is this supposed to be - a real life ??? -ed.] In short, I don't have time this month to write any proper press for you guys, as I can't take the time to get soused on our team product. My only real gift to you all is proof that the Sages are vulnerable. INSULT OF THE WEEK: Your parents were brothers! Detroit NewsPress: Amdahl made a constructive move in the free agent draft between sessions. Reconsidering their stand against sweepers, they picked up the aspiring young sweeper, Notinda Gole. Coach L-ski commented, "We're hoping that Gole can take some of the pressure off of our goalies as well as bolster our flagging defense." Kornor Chot, former Bush League Rookie of the Year, has also been acquired to beef up the lacking Amdahl defense. This fifth session should be the telling point of the new Amdahl defense. Both players are expected to see much playing time and to be valuable contributors for the next few seasons. After hearing about the staggering prices paid out for Gole and Chot, General Manager Cache Pinscher was reported to suffer chest pains and was immediately rushed to nearby St. Josephs Hospital and Player Retirement Home. Tended to by several nurses and a couple of off duty cheerleaders, Pinscher recovered quickly and expected to be present during the games this session. Booticus, the new mascot, has apparently been well received by the Amdahl fans. Fans have even taken to expressing their feelings with Booticus. During last sessions tie with Moonshine by Urn, fans alternated sharing beers with Booticus with throwing beers at Booticus as the game went back and forth. Of course, when the game resulted in a tie, Booticus was nearly bisected as half the fans tried to vent their displeasure while the other half wanted to bring Booticus to a party. Note 1: Let's keep going at the top teams here guys. This Division is FAR from being decided with only 6 points separating first from last place, and with 1 point meaning as much as 4 places in the standings. Note 2: I have some strong defensive talent and a reasonable 6/II goalie to trade for a better goalie. I am also willing to trade for some good offensive talent (MF and FW). TPR, still reeling from losing 5 of its last 6 games, appears to be stabilizing under the new management. Manager Yazoo announced at a press conference that a betting pool had been established to see when G. Battista would score his first goal this season; thus far, Mr. Battista has shot 0-8. Meanwhile, Mrs. Sartre began hinting that sheUd like to be traded. She existentialized, RWith Mr. Ned around, I just donUt have any purpose here... S Yazoo acknowledged that he could be willing to trade a low SL DF for Mrs. Sartre. The Sages released some previous press clippings to which Coach Fred added "The last series of games really brought home the fact that I am still a novice as a manager in this league. I underestimated the difficulty of series of away matches and played too many players out of position." (previous press clipping) In a somber news conferance Coach Fred apologized to his team for not coaching to the level of his players ability. "I really blew it this session. You can't blame it on the players, they played damn hard. It was my first time having to deal with two away games in one series and unfortunately I did not take the time studying the possibilities as I should have. Hopefully I have learned something from it that can be used in the future. Again I apologize to my club and the players who tried so hard..." Abaddon, the new young defensive specialist was more upbeat, saying that part of the reason he was brought into the fold was to help protect the young goalie, Abu Nidal, from having to take the beating he did against the Heads. "He is inexperienced and we need to make sure that we protect him better in the future," Abaddon said. "He's also still a little gunshy after coming here from Beruit and the (Cylinder) Head FWs kept backfiring at which point he would duck and yell "Hit the dirt, INCOMING". Its a habit he's got to break." ----- Roster Moves ----- None, I think. ----- Auction Results ----- Bidders Winner High Bid Name Lot #1: DF/I/8 8 HM 600 Officer Dibble Lot #2: FW/0/3 3 SiN 200 Art Garfunkel Lot #3: DF/0/1 2 SiN 100 Harry Chapin Lot #4: Scouting Report 5 SS 26 ??? ----- Free Agents ----- Lot #1: MF/III/10 Lot #2: MF/0/3 Lot #3: MF/0/3 Session F: Early Bird Deadline Friday, February 22nd Final Deadline Wednesday, February 27th match 16: TPR @ SS MbU @ SiN tNL @ CH HM @ AU match 17: SiN @ TPR CH @ SS MbU @ AU HM @ tNL match 18: CH @ TPR AU @ SiN SS @ HM tNL @ MbU ============================================================================== Match 11 Correction Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks vs Cylinder Heads 0 - 5 2 - 8 Snap (2) Betcha (1) Hanson (2) Jones (bk) ============================================================================== Match 13 ============================================================================== Sordid Sages vs Safety in Numbers 2 - 1 4 - 1 Bailey (bk) Lowen (1) Luke (1) Marvel (1) ============================================================================== Moonshine by Urn vs Cylinder Heads 0 - 0 3 - 4 Seymour (bk) M. Luking [inj;lig] Open (bk) Battlement [inj;spr] Stryker (bk) ============================================================================== Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks vs Hoary Marmots 2 - 0 4 - 1 Fleck (bk) Fancy (bk) Battista (2) ============================================================================== The New Lions vs Amdahl United 0 - 3 1 - 5 Kepler (bk) Otaka (bk) Bateman (1) Britton (1) Hindo (1) ============================================================================== Match 14 ============================================================================== The New Lions vs Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks 2 - 2 2 - 6 Kepler (1) Battista (1) Herschell (1) Fleck (1) Pauling (bk) ============================================================================== Hoary Marmots vs Moonshine by Urn 0 - 3 11- 6 Kissinger (bk) Seymour (RC) Center (1;bk) Flatulence (1) Curren (1;bk) ============================================================================== Amdahl United vs Sordid Sages 0 - 4 1 - 8 Jacobson [inj;conc] Jim (1) Washington (bk) John (1pen) (1) Luke (1) ============================================================================== Cylinder Heads vs Safety in Numbers 6 - 1 14-10 Jamnation (1) Harrah (1) Jones (1) Totec (2) Hanson (2) ============================================================================== Match 15 ============================================================================== Amdahl United vs Cylinder Heads 4 - 2 4 - 8 Tom (1) Hanson (1) Britton (2) Betcha (1) Hindo (1) ============================================================================== Safety in Numbers vs Hoary Marmots 1 - 0 1 - 0 Lehrer (1) ============================================================================== Sordid Sages vs The New Lions 4 - 0 6 - 1 John (1) Mark (2) Kali (1;bk) Ed (bk) ============================================================================== Moonshine by Urn vs Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks 0 - 2 1 - 6 Center (bk) E. Otto (1;bk) Flatulence (bk) Rezvani (bk) Vibbentrop (bk) Betts (1;bk) Dohn (bk) ============================================================================== (bk) indicates booked (4 DP) (RC) indicates sent off (10DP) [Inj;???] indicates injury by type (#) indicates # of goals scored Up