WeWF Report #8

From: arxt@quads.uchicago.edu (patrick palmer)

Date: Sun, 17 Feb 1991 23:03:24 +0000

WeWF Report #8			2/17/91

Juggernaut Still World Champ!

Juggernaut once again beat all five challengers to retain the WeWF crown!
Can he be stopped?  The General also successfully defended his belt; maybe
he will be the one to take the belt from Juggernaut?  Next turn, Juggernaut
will defend against new champions Photon Torpedo, "Irish" Mike Flint, the
General, Volcano, and the WeWF's hottest wrestler, Strike Eagle.

The Leaping Lords Regain Tag Belts!

The Leaping Lords became the first team to beat the Northern Lights, and
the second team to repeat as champions.  They won the match when the Feral
Frog clotheslined Johann Svenson into a roll-up by the Lethal Lemming after
the Frog had set Angus Campbell on fire!

Battle Royal

In the week's events, Mr. Fujikuchi offered to back a battle royal
exhibit whenever there was enough people to sign up for it.  Mr.
Fujikuchi is backed by the Akira Foundation and the prize is
$100,000.00 to the only person standing.

If there are enough potential participants, the Battle Royal will take
place on Friday!  To sign up, send me a request (please send it separately
from your matches and comments if possible), and tell me which wrestler
of yours you want in the Battle Royal.  In case too few people sign up,
tell me which wrestler you would like to enter as a second choice, if there
is space.

More Supercard Matches Signed!

The Ultimate Trekkies have signed a six-man tag match against Strike Eagle
and the Twin Spires!  Mr. B and Mr. Roddy have signed a "Summer Vacation"
match!  The loser will leave the WeWF for 5 turns!  Also, Action Man and
Mugambo Squid have signed a special "Spartacus" match where the loser will be
the winner's slave for 5 turns!

The complete card so far:

The Leaping Lords vs. The Maniacs
    Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" vs. Johann "Great Dane" Svenson
           The Ultimate Trekkies vs. Strike Eagle and The Twin Spires
                           Mr. B vs. Mr. Roddy
                      Action Man vs. Mugambo Squid

Plus MC Rapper will be rapping the National Anthem!

The New Championship System

Here's how the new system works for determining Continental and Tag Team
Champions:  Every Friday, I send the Champions a list of the wrestlers
who have challenged them, and they accept three of the matches.  They
must accept at least one match from a top ranked wrestler so they won't have
an easy time.  Top ranked wrestlers are the former champions, and anyone
from the top fifth of the league (top nine singles last turn, and top three
teams).  They also tell me what order they want the matches to be in, and if
they lose one of the matches, the new champ must finish the title defenses,
like with the World Champion.  Also, I changed the five point bonus for
champions to disqualifications.

Errors

Well, I continue to goof up!  On the List of Managers, "AirWarrior" should
be WindWarrior...  Pain, the Lethal Lemming, and the Terror Technicians all
had one win more than I credited them with, so the Lemming was actually the
number one contender last turn, and gets a title shot...   Finally, I've been
misspelling "Viking" William's name for a long time...  Sorry about the
errors!

Send me your matches and comments by 2/24/91!
Please send title matches by Friday!

Remember, you may only send five matches each turn, regardless of how
many wrestlers you have!

Matches

World Title:

Juggernaut beat Frank Steel.
Juggernaut barely pinned the Swiler.
Juggernaut barely pinned the General.
Juggernaut dominated Volcano.
Juggernaut beat the Lethal Lemming.

Tag Team Title:

The Northern Lights pinned the Klingons.
The Northern Lights barely pinned the Dynamic Machine.
The Leaping Lords barely pinned the Northern Lights.

Continental Titles:

Frank Steel survived Death.
Photon Torpedo dominated Frank Steel.
Photon Torpedo pinned Jake "Canadian" Shield.

Destruction beat the Swiler by disqualification.
"Irish" Mike Flint pinned the Swiler.
"Irish" Mike Flint dominated the Feral Frog.

The General barely pinned the Neutralizer.
Mugambo Squid beat the General by disqualification.
The General barely pinned Mr. Roddy.

Other Matches:

Strike Eagle pinned Lord Roderick.
The Swiler beat Death.
FireLord beat Virus.
Ultra Boy beat Frank Steel.
The Flying Dutchman barely pinned Bart Simpson.
The General beat Joe "Brick" Wall.
Strike Eagle pinned WindWarrior in a Ruler of the Skies match.
Lord Roderick barely pinned "Viking" William.
"Irish" Mike Flint survived FireLord.
Photon Torpedo pinned the Unknown Masked Wrestler.
The Neutralizer beat Dr. Bong.
The Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold survived Donald "the A-Train" Able.
Pain survived "Viking" William.
The Crusher beat the Flying Dutchman.
Johann "Great Dane" Svenson barely pinned Destruction.
The Crusher destroyed the Lethal Lemming.
The Swiler beat Black Tiger.
The Feral Frog pinned the Neutralizer in a Bunkhouse match.
Juggernaut barely pinned the Swiler.
Mugambo Squid pinned Virus.
Ultra Boy beat the Lethal Lemming in a Maple Syrup Swimfest.
Photon Torpedo destroyed Dr. Bong.
The Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold survived the Unknown Masked Wrestler.
Lord Roderick barely pinned the Masked Marvel.
Vito Gianelli barely pinned Mugambo Squid.
The Flying Dutchman beat Death.
The Crusher destroyed Hans.
FireLord barely pinned Lar Gand.
Johann "Great Dane" Svenson survived Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel".
TerraDoom pinned Destruction.
Bart Simpson pinned the Lethal Lemming.
The Millionaire beat Dr. Bong.
The Crusher destroyed Volcano.
Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" survived Donald "the A-Train" Able.
Mr. Roddy pinned the Iceman.
"Irish" Mike Flint barely pinned Lar Gand.
Dr. Bong survived Angus "the Caber" Campbell.
The Lethal Lemming barely pinned Franz.
Action Man barely pinned Vito Gianelli.
The Crusher dominated the Neutralizer.
Volcano survived Hans in a Steel Cage match.
Juggernaut beat Frank Steel.
The Feral Frog dominated Hans in a Steel Cage match.
Lord Roderick dominated Dr. Bong.
Il Duce' pinned the Iceman.
The Neutralizer pinned Hans in a No DQ match.
George Bush barely pinned the Flying Dutchman.
Vito Gianelli dominated the Lethal Lemming.
Strike Eagle barely pinned Photon Torpedo (first match).
"Irish" Mike Flint destroyed Joe "Brick" Wall.
Action Man pinned Mugambo Squid in a Cajun Shrimp match.
The Swiler beat Hans.
The Feral Frog barely pinned Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel".
Mr. B pinned the Neutralizer in a Go Fish match.
The Crusher beat Doug "Crusher" Corey.
Bart Simpson survived the Neutralizer.
The Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold survived the Plaid Powerhouse.
Angus "the Caber" Campbell pinned Death.
Photon Torpedo beat Max Altitude.
TerraDoom beat Virus.
The Flying Dutchman beat Dr. Bong.
Lord Roderick beat Frank Steel.
The Neutralizer and Mr. Roddy fought to a time-limit draw.
Destruction pinned Frank Steel.
Drake Dukenagger survived Bart Simpson.
FireLord dominated Hans.
George Bush beat the Lethal Lemming.
WindWarrior destroyed Joe "Brick" Wall.
The Iceman pinned Rick Schroeder.
Il Duce' barely pinned Mr. Roddy in a First Blood match.
"Viking" William and the Flying Dutchman fought to a time-limit draw.
Strike Eagle beat Lord Roderick.
Juggernaut barely pinned the General.
The Neutralizer pinned the Feral Frog.
Pain survived the Plaid Powerhouse.
The Millionaire survived the Masked Marvel in a Stretcher match.
George Bush barely pinned "Viking" William.
The Feral Frog pinned the Berserker.
"Irish" Mike Flint barely pinned the Feral Frog.
George Bush pinned the Neutralizer.
Lord Roderick dominated Joe "Brick" Wall in a Steel Cage match.
Strike Eagle barely pinned Photon Torpedo (second match).
AquaDemon beat the Neutralizer.
Mr. B pinned Mr. Roddy.

Tag Teams:

FEAR and the Klingons fought to a time-limit draw.
The Terror Technicians beat Death and Destruction.
The Leaping Lords beat FEAR.
The Northern Lights barely pinned Death and Destruction (first match).
The Klingons pinned the Twin Spires (first match).
Flint and Steel barely pinned the Leaping Lords.
The Chain Gang destroyed Fire and Ice.
The Terror Technicians barely pinned the Highlanders.
The Legion of Super Wrestlers barely pinned Fire and Ice.
The Klingons pinned the Twin Spires (second match).
The Leaping Lords barely pinned the Maniacs.
O.S.E. beat the Klingons in a Starship Enterprise match.
The Leaping Lords beat Death and Destruction.
FEAR beat the Twin Spires.
The Legion of Super Wrestlers suvived the Klingons.
The Leaping Lords beat Hans and Franz.
Flint and Steel barely pinned the Newfie Bulletts.
The Chain Gang destroyed the Klingons.
The Northern Lights barely pinned Death and Destruction (second match).
The Dynamic Machine barely pinned the Klingons.

WeWF Wrestler Rankings:

World Champion: 		Juggernaut (25-6)

Tag Team Champions: 		The Leaping Lords (16-8)

Americas Champion: 		Photon Torpedo (5-11)
Eurasia Chamion: 		"Irish" Mike Flint (13-8)
Africa/Australia Champ:		The General (10-13)

1. Volcano (30-11)
2. Strike Eagle (11-2)
3. Doug "Crusher" Corey (9-3)
4. FireLord (8-3)
5. Destruction (6-3)
6. Virus (6-2)
7. Drake Dukenagger (4-0)
8. The Lethal Lemming (21-18-1)
9. Ultra Boy (6-3)
10. Hans (11-9)
11. Vito Gianelli (8-6)
12. Action Man (2-0)
13. AquaDemon (2-0)
14. TerraDoom (2-0)
15. Mugambo Squid (12-11)
16. The Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold (5-4)
17. WindWarrior (2-1)
18. The Millionaire (2-1)
19. The Crusher (15-15)
20. Il Duce' (7-7)
21. George Bush (6-6)
22. Johann "Great Dane" Svenson (3-3)
23. Angus "the Caber" Campbell (3-3)
24. Jake "Canadian" Shield (1-1)
25. Joe "Brick" Wall (15-16-2)
26. The Neutralizer (7-8-1)
27. Mr. B (6-7-1)
28. The Berserker (0-1)
29. Max Altitude (0-1)
30. Lord Roderick (15-17-1)
31. Bart Simpson (7-9-1)
32. The Swiler (6-8)
33. Franz (1-3)
34. Lar Gand (0-2)
35. The Unknown Masked Wrestler (0-2)
36. The Plaid Powerhouse (0-2)
37. Frank Steel (12-15-1)
38. The Flying Dutchman (3-6-1)
39. Rick Schroeder (0-3)
40. Mr. Roddy (13-17-1)
41. The Iceman (7-11)
42. Death (4-8)
43. Black Tiger (3-7)
44. Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" (2-6)
45. Donald "the A-Train" Able (2-6)
46. Pain (6-11-1)
47. The Masked Marvel (0-5)
48. The Feral Frog (13-19)
49. "Viking" William (4-12-2)
50. Dr. Bong (1-10)

Tag Teams:

1. The Northern Lights (8-1)	Angus Campbell and Johann Svenson
2. The Dynamic Machine (9-4)	Juggernaut and Black Tiger
3. The Chain Gang (3-0)		The Steroid Centurion and the Eunuch
4. FEAR (6-4-1)			Il Duce' and the Unknown Masked Wrestler
5. The Legion of Super Wrestlers (2-0)	Ultra Boy and Lar Gand
6. Flint and Steel (8-7)	"Irish" Mike Flint and Frank Steel
7. O.S.E. (1-0)			Mr. B and Action Man
8. The Klingons (7-7-1)		Klingon Phaser and Klingon Disrupter
9. Hans and Franz (4-4)		Hans and Franz
10. The Terror Technicians (2-2)	Pain and Virus
11. The Newfie Bulletts (1-2)	Joe "Brick" Wall and the Swiler
12. The Highlanders (0-1)	Bjorn and the Plaid Powerhouse
13. Death and Destruction (3-5)	Death and Destruction
14. Fire and Ice (4-7)		Volcano and the Iceman
15. The Maniacs (5-10)		Maniac #1 and Maniac #2
16. The Twin Spires (1-8)	Toraka Gaijin and Tsugi Fokuyama

Did Not Compete:

Albert Turing (3-4)
Beaver Bernie
The Double J (2-1)
The Human Ox - Mongo (0-3)
Irving Forbush (7-8-1)
The Pickpocket (4-2)

Alpha and Omega (3-2)
RnR (0-5)

Comments:

Oink Zeggpold says: "Okay, the Golden Pig's gonna have to work his way
into the top ten.  `A-Train', you're in the way, so watch out -- I'm
comin' thru ya.  There are some hogs on the track!  Soooooeeeeee!"

Strike Eagle  "Oooh, yeah!  Six and oh!  Yeah!  I'm on a hot streak now!
If you want to feel the power, come on and wrestle me!  My arms are like
Sidewinders and legs are like Sparrows!  Feel in person what the Iraqis are
feeling..."

Twin Spires   "We have not done what we set out to do, but that is ok.  We
will eventually dominate the league, and if not, we'll OWN the league!  Be
put to rest by the arms of the best!"

It's official...The first six-man tag team match for the SuperCard has been
signed between the Photon Torpedo/Klingons and Strike Eagle/Twin Spires, for
more on the signing, we go now to Strike Eagle/Twin Spires manager David
Lightfinger...

"Oh, yeah!  We've got the fire burnin' now!  My great wrestlers against those
pukes, managed by Captain Kluckov!  Let me tell you right now, my men are
going in there to destroy you, Chekov!  When the counting is done, there will
only be one team left, MINE!"

A man wearing a ninja-style outfit has started appearing at all championship
matches.  Who is this man?  Only time will tell...

Again, the Twin Spires wrestled in business suits these last few matches.

(The screen fades into the familiar bridge set of Star Trek's USS Enterprise)
(The helm chairs are manned by the members of the Chain Gang -- The Steroid
 Centurion and the Eunuch.  Their manager, "Amazon" Amy Forrester, sits in
 the captain's chair.)

AMY:  Manager's Log.  Stardate:Today. We have arrived in the WeWF Wrestling
      sector, all systems are functioning -- we are ready to take on all
      challengers.
S.C.: Hey, lookee here.  Some Klingons.
UNIK: Opening hailing frequencies.....(Very soprano)
AMY:  Listen up Klingons!  This is the Chain Gang.  And you have just entered
      Federation territory--WeWFederation.  And our prime directive is to
      destroy anything that gets in our way of getting the title.
UNIK: Heeheeheeee...Good one, boss.
S.C.: Alright Klingons, you're our next challenge this week.  And soon to be
      our next conquest.  Take your best shot, cause our shields are up.
UNIK: Heeheeheeee...That's another good one.
      WAAIIGGGHH!! -- (As "Amazon" Amy drags him back with his chain)
AMY:  Shut Up!  Ok Klingons....(sarcastically) "beam" yourselves over to the
      ring.  The Chain Gang is ready and waiting.

TAPE SEGMENT:
Scene: The same room in Death and Destruction's tape clip last week.  Again,
Death cuts his hand and begins to mark off names on the scroll in blood.
The names he marks off include:

The Feral Frog
The Lethal Lemming
Pain
The Flying Dutchman
The Terror Technicians
The Leaping Lords
The Twin Spires

The next name on the list is "Mr.B".  Death looks at it for a moment, then
grabs the blade of the scythe, HARD.  Blood pours out over the name of Mr.B.
Death and Destruction don't laugh this time, but watch the blood run down the
scroll with grim satisfaction.  Fade to black.

Death and Destruction attacked Mr. B after one of his matches, dragged
him into the same parking lot where he jumped Death, and left him beaten
within an inch of his life, with several broken bones (arms and legs
included).  A large "X" was drawn in blood on his chest.

Pre-match interview:
"Viking" William:  Pain, I'll make you live up to your name.  When you
are carried out of the ring tonight, you'll be going to hospital.
They'll better give you tranquilizers already, so that you won't feel
too much of it!  HAR, HAR!!!

Comments from Dr. Chaos:
The attack by Feral Frog was quite laughable, considering how his neck
snapped after the pattened FireLord twist.  But the Leaping Lords shall
not go punished.  You will be vanqusihed with the greatest of ease.  The
rest of you will soon come to learn what pain is all about!

Sneak Attack:
Dr. Chaos and company trailed The Leaping Lords back to their dressing room and
knocked them out.  As the lords came to they found themselves hanging above a
pool of lava, with Dr. Chaos and his minions looking on.

FireLord: Now.....who's the real lord of the WeWF?
Feral Frog: F**k you!
FireLord: Lower Em
The Leaping Lords: ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
FireLord: Up!
FireLord: What's your answer?
Lethal Lemming: Suck my ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
FireLord: Up.  Well?
The Leaping Ex-Lords: You're the real Lord.  You're the real Lord.
Dr.Chaos: Just remember that.  Are you ready?
Leaping Ex-Lords: Yeah, gets us down from here.
Dr.Chaos: Oh, no,no,no.  Now you are going to pay for your stupidity.
Lower Em.
Ex-Lords: ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
Dr.Chaos: I just LOVE frog legs.

After several more hours of torture, the Ex-Lords were were thrown out of a
moving van and had to hitch back to town.

Molly Maguire: Well boys we got one belt back and we squashed that toad the
Ferrel Frog, unfortunately his partner is still around and wimps the Newfie
Bullets are trying to get a piece of you.

Flint: Strip mining, strip mining!, listen Wall I getting tired of beating
you up now you have this pansy partner the swiler who has my belt,  well just
for old times sake I'm going to take care of you and then I'm going after that
partner of yours to get my belt back, then, once I've worn you down me and
Frank are going to show you what strip mining is all about, when we seperate
you from any hope you guys had as a tag team.

Steel: Well, Frog I said that I was going to take your belt and I did, now
it's just a matter if taking care of you and your lowlife partner The Lethal
Lemming.  See you guys call yourselves the Leaping Lords, well me and Flint,
we don't care much for that nobility stuff, being a couple of hard working
union men, and when you get into the ring with us you'll see how little we
like the Aristocracy.

Molly: By the way, I see that we got some fish calling himself the Millionaire
wrestling now, well, once you win a match, so that you're not totally beneath
contempt I may have to set the boys loose on you to show the world what this
shop thinks of you rich blood sucking pukes.

In the match between Flint and Wall, Wall complained that Molly was
interfering in the match, and chased her around the ring area!  Suddenly
Frank Steel ran in brandishing a chair and made the save!

During the match between Flint and Steel and the Newfie Bullets, Molly took
off her steel toed work boot and hit the Swiler in the head!

>From StarFleet Headquarters, here is Captain Chekov

"I TOLD YOU!!! My Klingons were undefeated last turn, and are now the TRUE top
contenders for the tag-team championship. Northern Lights, you had better give
us a title shot!

As for the Photon Torpedo... well, if it takes 10 years, it will take ten
years, but he WILL be a continental champion, even without winning a single
match before that!

And YOU, David Lightfinger, bring your lousy Twin Spires, bring your cheap
Strike Eagle, we will destroy all of you!  If you have any guts, accept my
challenge to a manager-vs-manager match at SuperCard!"

Sneak attack:
After their match with the Twin Spires, the Klingons fired phasers (set on
stun) at their helpless opponents.

Photon Torpedo interfered in a Strike Eagle match and clobbered him with a
loaded rubber chicken.

Quote --"Do you have what it takes? I don't think so.  Step into the ring
with the first manager/wrestler in the WeWF, soon to be the first
wrestler/manager/champion.  Any other managers want to step in with me?  Get
in line.  You want to get it on in the supercard?  Good.  Then put up your
"contracts" for your wrestlers!  That's right!  Juggernaut, Frank Steel,
Swiler, General and Northern Lights, get your miserable excuse for managers
into the ring with me.  Let's Go!" --Max Altitude

Juggernaut: Okay all you pencil neck geeks, I took the title from Wall
and crumbled him like sand, not once but twice.  If ya think ya got
the brawn and brains to take me, well then, COME ON DOWN!!!!  As for the
Crusher, you wimp, as soon as I got into the ring ya fainted, what's a
matter, you wimp. They should call you the Squisher you weenie, so just get
outta my face!  Feral Frog, you two bit loser, why, I wouldn't scrub my bowl
with that brillow pad you call a head.  Come and beat me if you can, I'll
just toss you down like a bad habit!  And you Stig, I ain't gonna say nothing.
That's right, nothing.  Because I don't say nothing to a nobody no how.
So kiss my butt!  Hey Lemming, you wanna get the belt, well then follow me
where only fools tread, or are you afraid?  Hey why do they call you Lethal
Lemming, is it because you follow the best to your doom or because you like
gerbils!  Ultra Boy, I have to admit, you're kinda good.  But as an old
friend used to say "you have a lot to learn kid before you beat me."  Now for
some Leaping Loser bashing, boy you guys are pathetic.  You only beat us
because of a fluke and your dirty rotten manager!  If you think you're tough,
then accept the challenge of a double team cage match suspened over twenty
feet above the mat filled with shards of glass.  Come Lords and lepa to your
doom.  Hey you Chain Gang, yeah I'm talking to you.  You guys practice a lot
twirling those chains, but lets see how you use them.  I want to challenge
any of you punks to a chain match, but not any chain match, this is gonna
be a Texas Chain-Saw match with real live chain-saws.  If ya got the guts,
come and fight me so I can spill them all over the floor!  Norther Lights,
you bulb heads! Come down to the U.S. of A. and I'll show you how to fight!
Stop dodging the draft of Sgt. Juggernaut before I put your lights out
permanently!

Black Tiger: Ow my back hurts!

After the match between the Chain Gang and Fire and Ice, the Dynamic
Machine rushed from the audience branishing chairs and potted plants swinging
them wildly, chasing off the Chain Gang.

While at a match, The FireLord's home was burned down to the ground.
Police are baffled and suspect arson, but the only lead they have is a sign
which says 'Lord indeed!'

MUGAMBO SQUID SPEAKS: "Is to be death and doom!!  Upon grave Mother of you
dance like gravy!  Shoes pissed upon be twenty times!  Fifty!!  Lord
Roderick, Mr. B, Ultra Boy, Joe Wall, etcetera, etcetera refering to.  Now
hearing this be you, fellows: is Mugambo Squid to be mad as Hell!  Is to be
grieving and teeth gnashing in community wrestling, now!  Career much earlier
Mugambo Squid is bad!  Now good is Squid Mugambo!  A*s Kicking much to be!"

Masked Marvel: "Okay, so I was suspended and fined and everything has been
paid for.  WRONG!  Lord Roderick has hell to pay!  I hope you've fully
recovered from the gun wound 'cause you've got more things headed you're
way!  Ah f*ck you up!  And a word to you MC RAPPER;  you got a problem with
us masked wrestlers using crack?  Well, I'm gonna crack more than just drugs
when I get a hold of you!"

Interview segment with the General:

Well, "Crusher", I showed you didn't I?  You worthless sack of
potatoes, I crushed you like the dog that you are....  Joe "Prick" Wall...
They told me you were tough...  You had an early shower indeed...  Now, as
Intercontinental Champ, it is my right to take the Heavyweight championship
of the World.  There's nothing that can stop me!!!!!

The Neutralizer jumped the Feral Frog in the Frog's locker room and
started to repeatedly pound the Frog's head into the sides of the lockers!
After this, he put the Frog in a front facelock and gave him the DDT
on the locker room floor!  Dazed, the Frog tried to offer resistance, but
the Neutralizer began to stomp and wail on the battered Frog.  It took
several wrestlers to get the Neutralizer away.  As he was being led out
of the locker room, he shouted to the Frog, "Now YOU know what it's like
to be neutralized.  Stop your mayhem, or you'll find yourself in this
situation again!  The Neutralizer will stop you and everybody like
you once and for all!!!"

The Masked Marvel made a splash in his first week back in the WeWF, putting
Prometheus Pomegranate out of wrestling with a vicious attack, and then
showing up at Mr. Roddy's and Lord Roderick's matches, and interfering.
He even interfered in the title match between Juggernaut and Volcano,
attacking both men without mercy!

Masked Marvel "I'm back and I'm black and they ain't NOBODY who's gonnna
raise more hell in the WeWF than me.  I'm gonna bring this group to it's knees
and I don't mean by winning matches.  At least not fairly."

"We're back, on UWeMail's exclusive coverage of WeWF action!  And as a
 special treat, our own Green Jean Oktoberfest, former World Ladies
 Champion, is standing by for an interview with Jake "Canadian" Shield!"

"Thanks, Baboon.  Jake, I understand you've got a few things to say..."

"You got that right, Green Jean! Steel, you know that I won that Americas
 belt fair and square, and the only reason you took the belt is because the
 Frightened Frog hadn't recovered from the pounding I gave him!  This time,
 Steel, we'll fight each other for the championship, and you'd better be
 ready for more than you can handle!"

"Ahem.  That was a slightly incoherent Jake "Canadian" Shield.  And this
 is Green Jean Oktoberfest, returning you to Baboon Tempest at the UWeMail
 Action Center."

"Thanks Green Jean.  Well, sports fans, we have a real treat for you this
 week.  Here's an exclusive interview with the Angus "The Caber" Campbell,
 one half of the Northern Lights!"

"Death.  Destruction.  Ye've been paradin' around the WeWF, with yuir
 lists an' yuir rituals an' yuir scythes.  Ye've been hurtin' alot of
 people, an worryin' a lot more good folk.  Enough! I ken there'd be
 one way tae help those people, one way that Johann an' I can pay back
 all the good folk that've supported us, through thick an' thin!  Yuir
 reign o' terror stops now, Death an' Destruction, for the Northern
 Lights've decided tae put an end tae yuir ways! Beware, Death an'
 Destruction, for under the Northern Lights, ye'll shrivel up like th'
 maggots ye truly are!"

"Aaaanndd we're back at the UWeMail Action Center.  We go now to an
 interview with Johann "Great Dane" Svenson, on his upcoming Supercard
 Match with Bjorn, the Swedish Pretzel!"

"Before I signed for the match, I demanded a special referee. Y'know
 why you were picked, Viking William?  Two reasons: 1, Bjorn and I
 figured we might as well let you get close to some *real* Vikings, and
 2, because I had to be sure the referee wouldn't interfere in the
 match.  And since you, Viking William, are such a wimp I could crush
 you with my pinky finger, I know you won't interfere.  Right?!?

"Now, Bjorn. You're a good wrestler.  But you've got a lot to learn
 about being a Viking!  You didn't learn to swim by being thrown into
 the icy ocean when you were two years old, like I did!  You didn't
 learn to fight in Crazy Erik's Berserker camps, like I did!  You
 don't have the moves, Bjorn; do you have any idea how much pain you'll
 be in when I apply the Hammerlock of Thor?  Can you even conceive of
 what will happen to you after Loki's Legbuster?  And when I finally
 unleash the dreaded Flying Battleaxe, will there be enough of you
 left for the stretcher?  Think, Bjorn about what you'll be getting
 into when you climb into that ring and we attach the chains.  Think
 long and hard about that, Bjorn, because after February 28th, you
 won't be in any shape to think about much of anything, ever, again!"

"Well! That was Johann "Great Dane" Svenson with a most interesting
 message for his Supercard opponent.  I suggest, ladies and gentlemen,
 that you be sure not to miss all the action on February 28, right here
 on UWeMail.  Remember, the WeWF is what the WORLD is READING!"

SNEAK ATTACK
Following the tag-team championship match between the Northern Lights and
the Klingons, The Chain Gang rushed into the ring and attack the winners.
Taking advantage of the winners' fatigue, the Steroid Centurion and the Eunuch
pummeled the champs with an onslaught of body slams, piledrivers, and other
devastating moves.  To add insult (as well as injury), their manager, "Amazon"
Amy Forrester entered the ring and stepped on top of the fallen champions with
her stiletto heels -- apparently made from real stilettos!  While the Steroid
Centurion flexes, the Eunuch lifts the tag-team championship belts and shouts
in his soprano voice -- "We'll be back for these later!!"  They leave the ring
area to a chorus of boos and a shower of garbage.

==== WeWF Wrestling Spotlight ==========

JAY:  Okay, Fans!  "Crazy Jay" Morgan here again.  To my left, the one...the
      only...Vito Gianelli.  Vito, I notice you're wearing a "WeWF Supercard"
      T-shirt.  Any reason for this?
VITO: Yeah, Crazy Jay.  I'm still looking for an opponent for the big
      Supercard matchup.
JAY:  Anybody in particular?
VITO: I want someone who is willing to put up their belt.  I'm talking
      TITLE-DEFENSE here people.  I want to win it for all the VITO-maniacs
      out there who come to all my matches and cheer me on.
JAY:  All right, that's for the future.  Let's talk about the present, Vito.
      What about this week?
VITO: I'm going animal hunting this week in the WeWF.  And that means Mugambo
      Squid.  He's definitely in line for some major-league pounding.
      And I'm also taking a shot at the Lethal Lemming.  This guy has been
      causing too much trouble in the WeWF.  He's going to learn that all the
      VITO-maniacs aren't going to put up with that stuff anymore.
JAY:  OK, Vito.  Best of luck this week for your wrestling safari.  More WeWF
      wrestling on the way after this.......

=================================

Mr B:(head heavily bandaged, room dimly lit, mutilated Mr Roddy poster in the
background)- "Mr Roddy!!  No one bushwacks the B and walks away!!  You're dog
meat sucker!  I aint gonna leave enough of your stinking corpse in solid form
for anyone to collect the bounty on your head!  Take my advice punk: get away
on a loooong holiday while you still can... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha {fade out}

Midweek, Action Man launched a devastating sneak attack on Mugambo Squid!  The
Squid was doing a promotional photo spot on the 10m  diving tower at a local
pool, when Action Man caught him with a textbook cross-body block which sent
them both plummeting to the water below.  The Squid was beneath his attacker
and is rumoured to have suffered extensive chest and back injuries from the
impact.  At this stage the prognosis apparently looks bleak for Mugambo
Squid's career.

(Camera shot of large, burly oriental man in black wrestling outfit with cape)

"All you wrestlers out there, to what i now say pay heed:  The infamous Dr.
Bong you must now face. Beware, you overconfident small-brains.  Come
supercard day one of you is in for a big surprise.  Dr Bong make Pearl Harbor
look like bathtub fun.  Don't bring your fans to the ring; bring stretcher.
Bring ambulance.  You gonna need it.  So say Dr. Bong."

(Camera fades out)

In a written release, Dr. Bong blamed his initial lack of success do to poor
planning by his late manager, Noh Sehnse.  Noh recently commited hari-kiri
after inadvertantly scheduling Dr. Bong against two of the week's three
continental belt holders, a challenge that hampered Dr. Bong throughout the
week.  Now that Noh has passed on honorably, Dr. Bong shall be scheduling his
own matches.

The Geek Speaks!

Thanks for all the cards and letters wishing the Menace a speedy
recovery.  I'm sorry to say that, due to the horrible injuries sustained
at the hands of Mr. Roddy, that the Menace has been forced to retire by
his doctors.   This type of thing can't go on!  Write to the WeWF
president and urge him to ban Mr. Roddy from the sport!
   FEAR will be back!  Thanks to the wrestler who filled in last turn!
I've found a perminent replacement for the Menace and he will be making
his debut this turn.

Before their match with the Klingons, Mr B and Action Man sneaked into
the locker room and toppled a row of lockers onto their opponents, rendering
them temporarily unconscious (not to mention bruised, battered and bleeding)!!!

Before his fight with the Feral Frog, in a pre-fight interview Bjorn "the
Sweedish Pretzel" hit the Frog over the head with a metal chair, and then
slapped the figure 4 on him!

In his match with the Swiler, the Lethal Lemming ripped some of the Swiler's
hair off and shoved it up the Swiler's nose.   Then he grabbed a barbie doll
and tried to shove it up his nose as well!

The Feral Frog also spent the week devastating his opponents, stabbing Mike
Flint with a knife several times shouting 'It was me you b*stard!'  In his
match with the Neutralizer, he threw acid in the Neutralizer's face, and in
his teams match with Death and Destruction, after Death had been stunned by
Holy Water, he cut off part of Death's right ear and ate it!  In his other
matches, the Feral Frog carried around a meat cleaver and tried to chop off
his opponents thumbs!

Feral Frog: Listen Flint, it was me that stabbed you.  As you blamed my partner
the Lemming, and strangled him with your bloody bandages. I will have to stab
you again, so you remember who did it in the first place.

Lethal Lemming: Swiler, you cheating pig.  You use tactics not even the frog
would use.  How dare you bring your barbie doll into the ring with you and
use it as a throat cleaner.  It distracted me enough for you to win.  I will
have my revenge.  As for George Bush why don't you give up.  You can't even
tie your shoe laces let alone beat me.

Cliff Leapov: My boys were involved in a nasty scare recently.  The horrible
satan worshipping Death and Destruction challenged the Lords individually.
Some sort of mystical names in blood.  What they didn't realise was that the
blood was their own, and that the reason the Feral Frog was the last name on
the list was that they were beaten by the lords.  Our morning paper showed how
the Lethal Lemming beat Death.  In order to restore order to the tag team
world, The Lords will annihilate Death and Destruction once and for all.

Feral Frog: I here there are calls for me to be suspended.  I tell you what.
If you dare to hop (ha ha) into the ring with me, then you will pay!  I will
not be intimidated.  Especially by someone called Ultra Boy which spelt
backwards is Yo Bart Lu (Lu must be for Luser!)  I will give people the
thumbs down (ha ha)!

Cliff Leapov: Thats right, I have given the Frog a free reign.  You thought
he was bad before, now he is awesome.  Watch out for a new wrestler
from Australia, The Killer Kangaroo.  Soon to bound into the WeWF!

Simon Bolendorf: Crusher, don't fight this kangaroo, he is too much for you.

Killer Kangaroo: That's right, I almost signed up with Simon, until Cliff
told me about the the Leaping Lords, and the possiblity of a three person Tag
Team match.  To show my appreciation of Cliff's tutelage, I vow to maim
everybody that I beat so that they will have to take a weeks break (Literally
break!).  Watch out Juggerzero!

The Legion of Super Wrestlers was anxious to rend and tear the Klingons,
having mistaken them for Khunds.

>From his hospital bed the recently untied Ricky Schroeder vows revenge
against one time partner Ultra Boy.  "I'll get you, you... Cheesehead!"

Hans: "Listen to me now and hear me later, girlie men.  Broken hands do
not matter with muscles like these.  I will just flex and bash you aside!  I
will take the froggy thing and show him the meaning of pain.  Froggy deserves
his #43 rating as he is not fit to be in the same ring with us manly men.
Let him be jealous of my muscles!"

"There are many so called "Lords" in the WeWF.  But lets face it...there
is only 1 LORD and thats me...Lord Roderick--you will all bow down before
me!"--Lord Roderick

"Seems that there are a lot of people who would like to see me put out
of the WeWF.  $10,000 bounties, and a lot of people spewing garbage about
what they are going to do.  I have a new philosophy now.  Those who
enter the ring with me, will be stretchered out.  End of story."
--Mr. Roddy

During Death & Destructions's matches, they have noticed Keith Skar manager
of RnR carrying a medical kit to ringside.