WeWF Report #11 From: arxt@midway.uchicago.edu (Aidan Palmer) Date: Sun, 10 Mar 1991 22:59:54 +0000 WeWF Report #11 3/10/91 Frank Steel Wins World Title! The Americas Champion, Frank Steel beat the General to win the WeWF World Title! This is the second time he has held the belt! In addition, he successfully defended his Americas Championship, and won the Tag Team Championship with his partner "Irish" Mike Flint! He came very close to losing the title to his last opponent, Virus, but held onto it by DQ. Since Steel will not be able to defend three belts at once, the Americas Title has been declared vacant, and there will be a tournament of the top contenders to determine the new champion! Next turn he will defend against the General, Destruction, Tom "the Animal" Brown, Virus, and Volcano. Flint and Steel Take Tag Titles! Flint and Steel beat the Maniacs for the belts in a very close match, and then made two more successful defenses! This is the second time Flint and Steel have held the Tag Team Titles! Tom "the Animal" Brown takes Africa/Australia Belt! Tom "the Animal" Brown won the title from Mr. Roddy, thanks to outside interference by the Mexican Bandit! Tournament for Americas Championship During next week, there will be a tournament for the vacant Americas belt. It will be an 8-man tournament, and the match-ups will be: FireLord vs. Incision Mr. Roddy vs. BudMan The Romulan Mauler vs. Vito Gianelli George Bush vs. Juggernaut Supercard 2 Coming! The second WeWF Supercard is scheduled for the 27th! Start sending your challenges now! The Elementals have challenged anyone to an 8-man match, and the Ultimate Trekkies have already signed an 8-man match against the Phoenix Spawn, as the finale of their team challenge series. A new addition for this card will be title defenses for the tag team and world champions against the "most worthy" challenger. If the champions haven't already signed a match for the Supercard, I will give them a match against the person who I think most deserves a title shot. I don't want more than 10 or 12 matches for the Supercard, so please only make a challenge if you really want to. Errors I missed a win for the Killer Kangaroo last turn, he should have been 3-2-1. I have been missing wrestlers on the rankings, but the complete list is there now. Send me your matches/comments by 3/17/91, and your title challenges by Friday! Matches World Title: Frank Steel beat the General. Frank Steel destroyed Destruction. Frank Steel dominated Mr. Roddy. Frank Steel beat Volcano. Virus beat Frank Steel by DQ. Continental Titles: Frank Steel pinned Jake "Canadian" Shield. Frank Steel dominated Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel". Frank Steel beat Lord Roderick. Destruction barely pinned Johann "Great Dane" Svenson. Destruction barely pinned the Neutralizer. Destruction beat Ultra Boy. Mr. Roddy barely pinned Photon Torpedo. Tom "the Animal" Brown pinned Mr. Roddy. Tom "the Animal" Brown barely pinned the Mexican Bandit. Tag Team Title: Flint and Steel survived the Maniacs. Flint and Steel dominated the Dynamic Machine. Flint and Steel barely pinned RnR. Individual Matches: Il Duce' survived Mr. Roddy. The General barely pinned the Crusher in a Steel Cage match. Romulan Mauler annihilated Strike Eagle in a Team Challenge match (1st match). Destruction barely pinned Death. The Wild Boy, R.U. Reddy beat Ricky Schroeder. The Killer Kangaroo dominated Strike Eagle. The Millionaire pinned "Irish" Mike Flint (1st match). "Viking" William barely pinned Beaver Bernie in a Beaver Hunting match. Death pinned Ultra Boy. The Berserker barely pinned Laceration. Virus annihilated Puncture. The Killer Kangaroo pinned Drake Dukenagger. The Wild Boy, R.U. Reddy dominated Death. The Masked Marvel barely pinned Lord Roderick in a Stretcher match (1st match). "Viking" William survived Decapitation. The Romulan Mauler beat Bart Simpson. Nanook of the North beat Turbulence. Photon Torpedo survived the Dark One in a Team Challenge match. The Feral Frog beat Max Altitude by DQ. The Romulan Mauler dominated Nanook of the North. DiMadMan and il Duce' fought to a time limit draw. Virus annihilated the Unknown Masked Wrestler. Vito Gianelli barely pinned the Neutralizer. The Millionaire pinned "Irish" Mike Flint (2nd match). DiMadMan survived Nanook of the North. Frank Steel destroyed the Feral Frog. Franz barely pinned BudMan. BudMan beat the Unknown Masked Wrestler in a mask vs. mask match. Photon Torpedo barely pinned the Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold. Angus "the Claymore" Campbell barely pinned the Plaid Powerhouse. Nanook of the North survived the Killer Kangaroo (1st match). Virus destroyed the Crusher. Volcano dominated the Neutralizer. The Romulan Mauler destroyed Death. BudMan survived the Neutralizer. Romulan Mauler annihilated Strike Eagle (2nd match). George Bush dominated Pain. The Crusher dominated Ultra Boy. Incision barely pinned "Viking" William. The Feral Frog survived the Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold. The Millioniare dominated the Neutralizer. The Swiler barely pinned Bart Simpson. The Berserker dominated the Unknown Masked Wrestler. TerraDoom beat Bart Simpson. AquaDemon annihilated Ultra Boy. The Masked Marvel dominated Bart Simpson. WindWarrior annihilated Lar Gand. Decapitation barely pinned il Duce'. Flying Dutchman pinned Bart Simpson as "the Eternal Fight" continued. Black Tiger dominated Death. WindWarrior beat the Killer Kangaroo. The Berserker pinned Johann "Great Dane" Svenson. Virus annihilated Turbulence. Black Tiger beat the Feral Frog. George Bush beat the Neutralizer. Incision dominated Pain. Flying Dutchman beat Puncture. Masked Marvel dominated Laceration. Tom "the Animal" Brown pinned Mugambo Squid. Volcano pinned the Crusher. Max Altitude survived Nanook of the North. Dutch Hooligan barely pinned Ricky Schroeder. Black Tiger beat Destruction. The Crusher pinned Mr. Fujikuchi. Flying Dutchman survived the Wild Boy, R.U. Reddy. The Mexican Bandit barely pinned Mugambo Squid. Black Tiger barely pinned Flying Dutchman. Tom "the Animal" Brown destroyed Strike Eagle. Lord Roderick annihilated the Unknown Masked Wrestler. Il Duce' and the Swiler fought to a time limit draw. The Crusher dominated Ultra Boy. The Masked Marvel barely pinned Lord Roderick (2nd match). WindWarrior dominated Destruction. Frank Steel pinned FireLord. AquaDemon beat Mr. Roddy. Incision barely pinned the Killer Kangaroo. Frank Steel pinned TerraDoom. "Irish" Mike Flint pinned Destruction. The Berserker barely pinned Dutch Hooligan. The Plaid Powerhouse pinned Destruction. FireLord pinned the General. The Millioniare dominated Destruction. Nanook of the North survived the Berserker. Joe "Brick" Wall barely pinned Mugambo Squid. Mugambo Squid dominated the Unknown Masked Wrestler. Virus pinned the Masked Marvel. Nanook of the North survived the Killer Kangaroo (2nd match). FireLord beat the Crusher. Feral Frog beat Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" in a Lumberjack match by DQ. Tag Team Matches: The Samurai barely pinned Klingon Phaser in a Team Challenge match. Klingon Disrupter beat the Kamakaze in a Team Challenge match. The Imperial Storm annihilated the Legion of Super Wrestlers. The Highlanders annihilated the Legion of Super Wrestlers. Flint and Steel beat Sword and Shield. The Dynamic Machine and the Imperial Storm fought to a time limit draw. The Terror Technicians barely pinned the Lords of Discipline. The Klingons survived the Intoxicators. FEAR survived the Imperial Storm. Sword and Shield beat the Highlanders. The Imperial Storm pinned the Killer Klowns. The Terror Technicians destroyed the Chain Gang. The Dynamic Machine barely pinned the Klingons. RnR beat FEAR. Flint and Steel annihilated the Chain Gang. FEAR barely pinned the Highlanders. WeWF Wrestler Rankings World Champion: Frank Steel (33-16-1) Tag Team Champions: Flint and Steel (19-10) Americas Champion: Eurasia Champion: Destruction (21-10) Africa/Australia Champion: Tom "the Animal" Brown (6-3) 1. Virus (19-3) 2. Volcano (34-22-1) 3. FireLord (15-6-1) 4. The General (26-18) 5. Mr. Roddy (28-21-1) 6. WindWarrior (8-2) 7. Romulan Mauler (6-0) 8. George Bush (13-8) 9. AquaDemon (7-2) 10. The Crusher (23-20) 11. Vito Gianelli (11-8-1) 12. The Millionaire (6-3) 13. BudMan (4-1) 14. Incision (3-0) 15. DiMadMan (3-0-1) 16. Ultra Boy (12-10) 17. The Masked Marvel (8-6) 18. Nanook of the North (7-5) 19. TerraDoom (6-4) 20. Lar Gand (6-4) 21. Jake "Canadian" Shield (4-2-2) 22. Photon Torpedo (17-16-1) 23. Black Tiger (9-8-1) 24. The Berserker (4-3) 25. Angus "the Claymore" Campbell (5-5) 26. Franz (3-3) 27. Max Altitude (2-2) 28. The Mexican Bandit (1-1) 29. Dutch Hooligan (1-1) 30. "Irish" Mike Flint (15-16) 31. The Swiler (9-10-1) 32. Drake Dukenagger (8-9) 33. The Killer Kangaroo (5-6-1) 34. Beaver Bernie (0-1) 35. The Dark One (0-1) 36. Mr. Fujikuchi (0-1) 37. Joe "Brick" Wall (16-18-2) 38. Mugambo Squid (14-16) 39. Flying Dutchman (12-14-2) 40. The Plaid Powerhouse (4-6) 41. Laceration (0-2) 42. Puncture (0-2) 43. Lord Roderick (20-23-3) 44. Strike Eagle (13-16-1) 45. Pain (10-13-1) 46. Il Duce' (8-11-2) 47. The Golden Pig, Oink Zeggpold (6-9-1) 48. The Wild Boy, R.U. Reddy (2-5) 49. Turbulence (0-3) 50. Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" (6-10) 51. Johann "Great Dane" Svenson (3-8) 52. The Feral Frog (17-24) 53. Bart Simpson (10-17-2) 54. Ricky Schroeder (2-10) 55. "Viking" William (7-15-2) 56. The Neutralizer (11-22-1) 57. Death (6-19) 58. The Unknown Masked Wrestler (0-15) Tag Teams: 1. The Dynamic Machine (14-7-1) 2. Terror Technicians (7-2) 3. The Maniacs (16-12) 4. The Chain Gang (7-5) 5. The Klingons (11-11-1) 6. Sword and Shield (1-1) 7. The Intoxicators (1-1) 8. The Lords of Discipline (0-1) 9. The Highlanders (3-5) 10. The Legion of Super Wrestlers (4-7) 11. The Killer Klowns (0-3) 12. The Imperial Storm (7-11-1) 13. RnR (2-6) 14. FEAR (8-13-1) Did Not Compete: Action Man (3-2) Slaving Albert Turing (4-6) "Beastmaster" Gunter Wilson Dr. Bong (7-14) Injured, back next week Doug "Crusher" Corey (9-9) Hans (11-9) The Human Ox - Mongo (0-14) The Iceman (7-14) Irving Forbush (7-8-1) Juggernaut (27-13-1) Injured, back next week The Lethal Lemming (21-22-1) Injured, back next week Mason "the Arm" Rockwell The Menace (7-6) Injured Mr. B (6-8-1) Vacationing Samson Goliath The Wild Boy, R.U. Reddy (2-5) Injured Alpha and Omega (5-4) Fire and Ice (4-11) Hans and Franz (4-4) The Leaping Lords (21-13) The Newfie Bullets (1-3) O.S.E. (6-1) Comments David Lightfinger has asked the rules committee to place an impenetrable force field around the battles between the wrestlers invovled in the Trekkie-Phoenixspawn feud. "I believe that is is the only way that the feud will be settled without interferance by either side," he was heard to comment later... >From Starfleet Headquarters, here is the omnipotent Admiral Chekov Lightfinger! This is it: the team challenge series has begun! Your Japanese Sushi-brains and your so-callled american hero Strike Eagle against my super-powerful champions... Do you really think you stand a chance? ALL MY MEN were undefeated last turn, and will be again! Just think about it, when your men are down 4 to zip on the Series scoreboard... Legion of Super Wrestlers... Now you know what a slimeball like Lightfinger can do. When I think about it, I am disgusted of being in the same wrestling federation as him. Anyway, my men are ready to help you any time, any place. You need a partner for a six-man tag match against Lightfinger^s thugs? The Mauler and the Torpedo are a mere phone call away, pals. Lar Gand attempted to break into David Lightfinger's hospital room Saturday afternoon! He broke through hospital security like wet toilet paper and was about to engage with Lightfinger's team of wrestlers when Ultra Boy, J.R. Brandt and his two bodyguards Garth and Garridan arrived. Ultra Boy tackled the raging behemoth and dragged him away. Before he was dragged into Brandt's limosine he was heard to yell, "So I'm a coward!? I don't hide behind an army of thugs! I'll take them all on! I'll stack 'em to the sky! I'll... I'll... Supercard! Supercard! Coward!" The limosine then sped away. No one had been injured. During a Legion of Super Wrestlers match against the Imperial Storm, manager David Lightfinger was missing! Suddenly, a roar erupted from the dressing room as fire leaped out of the locker room! A man-shaped figure emerged from the flames, and proceeded to neutralize the serum in Lar Gand's body! Lar had to flee to the upper atmosphere to escape Earth's pollutants, while the Imperial Storm teamed up on his hapless partner... Death assaults Ultra Boy during his match, cutting him quite badly with his scythe. Camera fades in on the General... He's wearing his trademark red sweater, which is pulled up over his belly, showing a tight white shirt underneath. A large man is standing behind him, so large the camera can't catch his head... "I've got a couple things to talk about here, so shut up and listen! First of all, the quality of the officiating has gone from bad to worse. I should not have been disqualified against Mr. Roddy. He tried to throw a chair at me. When I gave it back to him, I got disqualified. A travesty of justice... Well let me tell you something Roddy, you won't be so lucky next time we wrestle! And as for you Juggernaut, go back to hole from whence you came! I beat your ass in the middle of the ring for the belt, and did it again. You shouldn't be in the same ring as me... And Mr. Crusher.... You still haven't been able to hold your own against me... Well, you never will. And you'll keep yourself out of my matches too! The next time you try to pull any of that crap, you'll be going home in a stretcher... You see, I've got a friend looking out for me. About the only real competition I had was a Mr. Gianelli, whom I would be glad to take on as a partner..." Camera fades out >>>>> Ramblin' With DeMandable <<<<< Setting: [Full stage with two chairs, a big carboard background with famous Italian men on the cardboard. This is a new talk show which our host Mark DeMandable hopes will be a huge success] DeMandable: Hello, I am Mark DeMandable and I would like to welcome all of you hormonally imbalanced lackluster products of imperfect birth control. Yes welcome to waht is going to become the greatest talk show in the WeWF. First off I would like to point out that this Brooklyn Boy is the only TRUE Italian in this Federation and all other Pseudo- "Eye-talians" are nothing but crumbs from the great canoli of life. Now, for all of you greaseball muttonheads formed when the withdrawal method failed to work, here today I have on my show three members of the Four Corners with their manager, the Greatest Wrestling Mind of our Time- Smooth. (out walks Smooth, DiMadMan, The Plaid Powerhouse, and Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel). DeMandable: Smooth, where is the Fourth Corner, BudMan? Smooth: Well, ...He's Um,... Oh Yeah! He's training at my bar shotgunning kegs of Bud. DeMandable: What a work ethic! Anything to add fellas? DiMadMan: Yeah! I just want to say that the WeWF is riddled with punks, losers, and other scrubs not worthy of my breath or me, the rest of the Corners, and game wardern Smooth have declared it open season on all small game! Thats all... (The Corners and Smooth leave mooning the crowd) DeMandable: And there you have it. See you horse pill addicted Schlitz drinkers same time next week. FROM THE SIDE ROPES: -- Well, now we have the match of the day, the so-called "Beaver Hunt", and, Mr. McManners, what can we expect to see?? -- Well, Mr. Meek, I expect my boy, "Viking" William to run that Beaver Bernie around the ring a few times, before he, with ease, skill and the blood-thirst of his ancestors, defeats him in a most violent way. If we're lucky, Beaver will make an attempt to put up a fight - it's more entertaining that way. Don't you agree, William? -- Yaaaahhh! Mjoood!! Dreeepaa!! Ek segra! Hill!! And that was all from the Side Ropes... Juggernaut: Alright you pinheads! Sure beat up on me while I'm down. General, the only reason ya beat me is because I had a groin pull thanks to that idiot Dr. Bong. Doc Bong, by the way, your ass is mine! I'm recupperating now, so in a week the old Jugger is gonna be around smashing all you into cosmic nothingness, so ya guys getter start practicing. (har har har) Angus: "Mugambo Squid, no matter how much ye may dislike Action Man, there'd be no cause tae beat on a defenseless man. I'll have tae decline yuir "generous" offer." ************************WeWF WRESTLING UPDATE***************************** The Wild Boy, R.U. Reddy, is in a coma tonight following a brutal assault. As Reddy was leaving the building after his scheduled match with Death, he was set upon by two wrestlers, one of whom was tentatively identified by witnesses as Death. Nobody could identify the other wrestler, although one onlooker was quoted as saying, "I dunno, he was wearing like a bodysuit with spikes all over it-real vicious lookin', I never seen anything like it. He looked kinda familiar, though...". Reddy was treated for a broken neck, massive concussion, assorted broken bones, and multiple bite wounds. The doctor on hand was quoted as saying, "It's the wierdest thing-he looks just like a German Shepherd worked him over, but the bite patterns don't match any dog I've ever seen. They look almost...human." Doctors agree that, even if Reddy recovers from the coma, his days of professional wrestling are over. Already, multiple wrestlers have spoken out against this tragic ending of a promising young athlete's career. And, of course, the rumors have begun: has Death found a new tag partner? If so, who could it be? Death refused all comment, except to laugh.... ************************************************************************* "No comment" -- Nanook of the North The Millionaire has been coming down to ringside during Flint and Steel's matches, but did not interfere. Flint: Destruction, you have beat me last round but I'm coming back and I plan on taking that Eurasia Champoinship belt Steel: Well, General you look pretty invincible up there as the world champ but just like the Hoosiers lost to an awesome power from the east so too will you, and that power is the Big Iron Worker from Pennsylvania, Me. Molly: Well, Millionaire you managed to beat Flint this last round but, he's out for blood and it is your thin blue blood that he is out for. "Money. Isn't that what it is all about. I have the money, and scum like Flint and Steel with their so called shop steward Molly M. want it. The sorry part is, I have to soil my hands whenever I step into the ring with them. I guess it is a small price to pay for their destruction."--Millionaire "HUR-ry, hur-ry, hur-RY!! Welcome, ladies an' gentleman, to Dr. Pain's Three Ring Circus! We have attractions ta thrill and chill, but mostly, we have wrestlers who will beat the tar out of the opposition. In the first ring: Samson Goliath, the world's strongest man! Able to bend steel with his bare hands, this human titan will do the same to his opposition! In ring two: "Beastmaster" Gunter Wilson, the greatest animal tamer of all time! This man has wrestled with bears, he's wrestled with lions, and, well, he's still around and the lions and bears aren't! That should say something, ladies and gents! But this is a THREE-ring circus, and what's a circus without clowns? Send in the Klowns! (The Killer Klowns step onscreen) Yes, that's right, the Killer Klowns, the most unpredictable team in wrestling, make up the thire ring of Dr. Pain's Circus! So step right up, ladies and gents, and these gentlemen'll knock ya down! YOW-za, yow-za, yow-ZA!!!"-Dr.Pain ***** Smooth's Groove ***** Smooth: Since all you punks out there refused to be on my show, once again, I have to bring on the greatest enterage of wrestling talent. They are called- The Four Corners. First of all I would like to introduce the two men that I brought into the WeWF. They completely and utterly dominated their oppenents last week. Here they are, I can see the gold around their waists already- BudMan, and DiMadMan! (The fans boo, but BudMan, and DiMadMan don't seem to care. In fact, they enjoy it.) DiMadMan: I told everyone that I was going to rake me up a pile of bones, and if you saw me last week, I did exactly that! I have 2 new challenges this week. The first goes to Il Duce'. I annihilated your tag partner last week, now be prepared to get the same, except a little bit more brutal! And my second challenge goes to Nanook of the North. All that I have to say is I'm going to send you south for the winter! Smooth: That sounds terrific. The BudMan is also wrestling a couple of punks this week. They are that stupid Austrian Franz, and -In a mask vs. mask match, that retard The Unknown Masked Loser, because he definitely doesn't know how to wrestle! DiMadMan: Ain't that a fact, I found that out last week... Smooth: (Interupts) Now I have something to say to the ugliest men in the world, those idiotic Klingons. If you think your face is messed up now, wait until BudMan and DiMadMan get a hold of you. Because when they put on their finishing maneuver, the Intoxicator, you'll go back to wherever you came from. So Klingons, get ready to be hit with the Intoxicator by the Intoxicators, and go home -Intoxicated! (Fans start booing loudly) Shut up you idiots! Cause I still have two members of the Four Corners to introduce. They are Bjorn "The Sweedish Pretzel", and this man- who just put together a whole new image for himself, The Plaid Powerhouse! I know you guys very well, and I know what you're thinking, but I just want you to tell all these pencil necked Geeks out there what you're going to do to FEAR, and everyobody else that you are wrestling this week. Powerhouse: (Cocky) My new image is going to allow me to shoot right to the top, so you punks that I'm wrestling this week will find out why they call me the Plaid POWERHOUSE! Bjorn: Ok Frankie Steel. First of all, you gotta realize that you are merely keeping the belt warm for me. Any wrestler that is managed by a woman has no business in this sport. This week, you will feel the greatest version of the figure four- known of course, as THE SWEEDISH PRETZEL! Smooth: That is wonderful baby! I can feel it already, just 2 short weeks in the WeWF, and I'm already see'in some gold around the waists of the greatest wrestling army ever assembled! The America's belt will be Bjorn's, and you can take that to the bank. Seeya next week, hopefully with some other wrestlers on my show besides my own. (Four Corners and Smooth Exit, and as usual taunt the fans.) (Any punks wanting to be on Either Smooth's Groove, or Ramblin' with DeMandable, send your wrestlers name to me at V220PW77%UBVMS.BITNET, and we'll set up an interview.) BudMan won the mask vs. mask match, but the Unknown Masked Wrestler covered his face and ran away before anyone could recognize him! ***** MR. FUJIKUCHI COMES OUT OF RETIREMENT ***** Reporter: Tell me Mr. Fujikuchi, why have you come out of retirement ? Mr. F: It has been a long time since I once wretled for fame and glory in Tokyo. I did it for the honor and prestige fighting gave me. I was a great warrior among men. Then, my body old and battered, I retired in hopes of being able to train and manage my own wrestlers. Black Tiger I found in Asia, and Juggernaut in Oakland, Ca. They are great wrestlers and great fighters, but unfortunately because of the evil Dr. Bong, my wrestler Juggernaut was seriously injured but now has been stabilized thanks to my mystic Asian healing powers. I have decied to wrestle once agian to purge the WWeF of all its devious and dastardly wrestlers. The crusade is on and evil doers beware! Reporter: Well, there you have it, Mr. Fujikuchi is coming out of retirement to straighten out the WeWF. He has a long road ahead of him, can he make it? Ultra Boy: Mugambo Squid, thanks for the offer at the cheap shot on Action Man. I appreciate it, but I want to face him fairly, Mano y Mano. I'm going to wait five weeks Action Puss, and then you'll wish you were still crawling on all fours for the Squidster! Lar and I appreciated your gift of that cute little glowing nugget, Strike Eagle. So much, that I just had to reciprocate. After all, it is better to give than to recieve. [smirks] So, I've had that same little hunka hunka hunka burning uranium delivered to your home. Ground up and sprinkled all over your carpet. Enjoy! Mr. Roddy, Lord Roderick- You beat us pretty soundly last week. It seems unusual for you to take on an opponent without tooting your own horn overmuch. My respect for you has gone up. You may well be a worthy opponent. I'll see you in the ring again sometime. I want to welcome you to the world of wrestling Destruction, and congratulations on your belt. I figure it's time we faced off in the squared circle, so let's have at it! Triple Chaos [WindWarrior, TerraDoom and AquaDemon], we were both robbed at supercard by that little gnat Dr. Bong. When he returns to the ring, I'm going to tie that dork in a knot, especially for what he did to Juggernaut! To make up for our lost opportunity I am challenging you, AquaDemon, and Lar Gand is facing WindWarrior. We're looking forward to it! During the match between Max Altitude and the Feral Frog, Pain and Virus came to ringside with clubs and started banging the ringposts with them. While Virus argued with the Frog and the ref, Pain dropped his club in Max's corner. Max took the club and whacked the Feral Frog along his knee! The referee saw this and disqulified Max. After the match, Pain and Max Altitude assaulted the Feral Frog on the arena floor with stomps, kicks, and slams leaving for the piece d'resistance a move called the strecher. Pain went to the top rope while Max held the Feral Frog inside the ring under the bottom rope with the Frog's head hanging over the apron. Pain jumpped with a flying elbow while Max set the Frog up with a slingshot to the bottom rope! The Frog suffered a sprained neck and a possible broken jaw. - "Hello people. My name is Robert Guiscard and I represent the Lords of Discipline. Last week you may have noticed that my men: Laceration, Puncture, Incision, and Decapitation were on the inactive list. The reason for that is that the president of the WeWF realised what these men were going to do. So they gave them a week off. Well unfortunately that little ploy did not work and let me introduce the Lords of Discipline." - "I'm called Abrasion and our manager Guiscard is absolutely correct. We're ready to start kicking in this league and tear it apart. They thought that the week off would cool us off. But it just made things hotter in the kitchen baby and we've got ice in our veins so it don't bother us none. I'm ready are all of you!!!!" - "Easy Abrasion. I'm Incision and whether you are facing Abrasion and myself in tag competition or any of us in singles competition. You are going against members of an elite group which has one purpose, and that is to accomplish our goals of winning any way possible. Belts and titles mean little to us. We demand fear and respect and if we need these titles which other wrestlers hold so dear to get that fear and respect then that's what we'll have to do." - "I'm Puncture and I'm the fiery one. You can't keep a good man like me down. But I don't want to seem like a man who is just going to shoot his mouth off without proving anything; because there are too many people in this league who do just that. I am going to prove myself and that means rising to the top of this league. I will show you all what a real wrestler is. Count on it!" - "They call me Decapitation. People look at my name and think that I am one who thinks that he is a bad mother. I don't think I am.... I know." -"My name is Laceration and I just want to say that we mean to make a name for ourselves. We aren't looking for help or support. We also don't want to hype ourselves before we have shown what we can do in the ring. So that's enough for comments, for now. You can bet that we'll be around for a while. So every one with weak stomachs and light hearted attitudes better step out of the way." Johann "Great Dane" Svenson is wearing his Viking clothes, and holding a huge battleaxe as he stares at the camera. "Viking William! You cost me the match at the SuperCard. Fair enough. But now, it's payback time! First I'll pound on your buddy, the Berserker, but then you're next! But you'll never know when I'll be coming for you, William. All you can do is wait for the axe to fall!" Then Johann leaps forward and hacks at the camera with his battleaxe! Fade in: J.R. Brandt: Are we on? Are we... Hoom. Yes, here we are. This is Jacques Renee Brandt manager of the Legion of Super Wrestlers. I'm speaking on behalf of one of my lads, Lar Gand. He's in a bit of a state after the provocations of David Lightfinger and his ruffians. I'm hoping fast action now will prevent any unwarrented outside the ring violence. Cooler heads will prevail and all, eh? So, I'm going to go public and admit that I have hired a psychologist to treat Lar Gand after his breakdown after the incident involving Lightfinger at the lads' match with O.S.E. He's been treating Lar since his attack on Lightfinger. I'd like to introduce him now, Dr. Gym'll. Dr. Gym'll: Humph! All you wrestlers are stupid! Lar Gand is not that atypical. All of you are psychopathic killers that secretly lust after your mother, but you pay well, so I will endeavor to help this hapless, helpless, hopeless Lar Gand. Currently he is very unstable and angry about Glorith. He is projecting this anger at Lightfinger since he brought Gand's psychosis to the forefront of his psyche. It's a very dangerous game that Lightfinger is playing by further provoking Lar with taunts of cowardice. I've only just gotten Lar to stop chewing on ground glass! If Lightfinger persists, he may find himself beyond the help of a hospital. Gand is not only strong, he is canny. He escaped from my therapy session after seeing This Week in Wrestling, by ordering a pizza delivered. I was only too happy to let him order pizza, because it would have been the first thing that he has eaten except glass and razor blades. But he was only planning escape! He knocked the driver unconscious, took his clothes and escaped from his ward. I will no longer be treating him in a hospital, since his proximity to Lightfinger is too volatile. Brandt: Don't you have something else to say? About Lar's wrestling career? Dr. Gym'll: [grubling] Oh yes, after considerable consultation with Mr. Brandt we have decided that Lar Gand is mentally balanced enough to continue to wrestle in the WeWF, although it's against my bett... Brandt: Thank you Dr. Gym'll! That's all for now. Flowers and get well notes can be sent to Lar Gand's home. Thank you for your time! fade out. Jake: "Sword and Shield are back, and this time it's permanent! Make room at the top, because we're coming through. And Highlanders, remember, 'In the End, there can be only One!'" The Masked Marvel: "Okay, Lord Roderick, if that is still your name. I just can't resist. We've been fighting for so long. How about a best of seven series? After that, ya want to become tag-team partners? Mr. Roddy's got his hands full with that belt around his waist. How about it?" "Masked Marvel!!!!! I will decide when our feud is over. It is not over yet...I'm wont be finished until you are out of the WeWF."--Lord Roderick Sneak Attack: Lord Roderick threw a fireball into the Masked Marvel face after their match. Zeggpold: Photon Torpedo -- you may have survived the Golden Pig once, but it won't happen again! Killy Kangaroo, I'm on a crusade to eliminate other animals from the WeWF! So I'm coming after you again, but first I've got other animals to eliminate. I'll start at the botton with the Feral Frog. Frog, prepare to be squashed! (SCENE: The bridge of the starship Enterprise. Visible are Captain Chekov, the Klingons, Photon Torpedo, and the Romulan Mauler.) CHEKOV:"Keptin's log, Stardate 3.14171826. Ve are currently in the process of seeking out and wrestlingk new life forms and new civilizations, and boldly goingk vhere no vrestler has gone before..." TORPEDO:"Captain! Scanners are picking up lifeform readings off the starboard bow!" CHEKOV:"Analysis, Mr.Mauler?" MAULER: "It's life, sir, but not as we know it. They appear to be...Klowns!" (On the main viewscreen, the Killer Klowns appear, drifting in space) CHEKOV: "Aaaargh! Lock on and blow them out of space!" (Klingon Phaser looks into his scanner to get a phaser lock, and is blinded by a jet of seltzer water) PHASER: "Arrrgkkhpfff! Unable to get a phaser lock, sir!" CHEKOV: "Fire torpedoes! Blow them to bits!" (Sits in the captian's chair, whoopee cushion goes off) "GAAAH! GET RID OF THEM!!!!!" TORPEDO: "Aye, Sirr-rr-rr-rrrr-rr..."(quivering, hair standing on end) CHEKOV: "Joybuzzers in the weapons console!? Vhat next!?" DISRUPTER: "Sir, they appear to be preparing to attack!" (Onscreen, the Klowns produce pies and hurl them, seemingly straight at the screen) DISRUPTER: "Incoming coconut cream, Captain!" CHEKOV: "Raise shields! Condition red!" (The pies fly through the viewscreen and strike Chekov dead on) CHEKOV: "Aaaiiiieeee! Abandon wessel! ABANDON WESSEL!!" (All five run to the transporter and beam away. Simultaneously, the Klowns materialize on the bridge and proceed to make themselves at home. Onscreen, Chekov and his crew can be seen drifting in space, shaking their fists and mouthing obscenities until one of the Klowns turns it off. Fade to black as the Klowns start painting the bridge day-glo orange and yellow...) During his match with the Feral Frog, Bjorn hit the Frog with brass knuckles handed to him by DiMadMan who was one of the Lumberjacks. Ironically enough, BudMan, and the Plaid Powerhouse were also Lumberjacks. When the Feral Frog was thrown out of the ring, BudMan, DiMadMan, and the Plaid Powerhouse beat him savagely, and then threw him back in. The referee saw the brass knuckles and ordered a disqualification! MUGAMBO SQUID SPEAKS: The Very Mugambo Squid would like to thank all those who participated the the crotch kicking of Action Man. Perhaps now these mealy-mouthed bastards who just start the WeWF will learn not to mess with those who've been here since Report #1. (cut to a film of Action Man spit-shining thousands of pairs of wing tips apparently belonging to the exhaustive collection of the Squid Dynasty) In the match between Strike Eagle and the Romulan mauler, manager David Lightfinger brought out a funny-looking device. As the Klingons ran in to try and interfere, he activated the device, throwing a web of energy in front of the onrushing Klingons! Needless to say, they were unable to interfere with the match. Black Tiger: Will the real Mr. Ninja stand up ? As Bjorn stepped out of the dressing room for an upcoming match, he was blindsided by a mysterious attacker with a two foot salami! Bjorn turned to look at the attacker, and was surprised to see none other than Green Jean Oktoberfest! The former World Ladies Champion took advantage of the Viking King's surprise to hip-toss Bjorn into the wall! She then walked off, saying "Hope that teaches you how to treat a lady!" The Killer Klowns having been coming to ringside in a ridiculous-looking little clown-car. When they lose, approximately two dozen additional clowns have been climbing out of the car and beating the tar out of the opposition. When the America's champion was introduced Bjorn distracted the referee while DiMadMan, BudMan, and the Plaid Powerhouse worked over Frank Steel. They pummeled him repeatedly with steel chairs, but allowed him to enter the ring. "A few weeks ago, somebody put a bounty on my head. A few weeks ago, somebody challenged me to a summer vacation match. A few weeks ago, somebody wanted me to be suspended from the WeWF. It seems that everybody wants me to be gone from the WeWF because they know that I'm destined to rule the WeWF. Well, nothing has happened and I am still here as Africa/Australia champ. All I need now is some competition."--Mr. Roddy The Mexican Bandit attacked Mr. Roddy during his title match with Tom "The Animal" Brown! The Masked Man pummeled Roddy behind the referee's back, leaving him easy prey for "the Animal"! Mr. Roddy entered the ring with a chair while Action Man was being restrained and attacked him repeatedly with the chair. He then piledrove Action Man onto the chair and left the ring. The Dynamic Machine challenges the Chain Gang to a Texas Chain Saw Match as soon as Juggernaut is fit to fight. The Dynamic Machine challenges the Leaping Lords to a 20 ft. Scaffold Match. In the match between the Killer Kangaroo and Incision, the Feral Frog entered the ring with the Violent Vampire, and demonstrated a powerslam by doing it to Incision. The Violent Vampire then did it to the referee, and bit both the referee's and Incision's neck. Incision managed to survive and roll up the Kangaroo for the pin. Referenced By Up