WeWF Report #20

From: arxt@quads.uchicago.edu (Aidan Palmer)

Date: Mon, 13 May 1991 01:09:04 +0000

WeWF Report #20				5/12/91

DiMadMan Retains World Belt!

DiMadMan held onto his title this week, despite losing two matches by
disqualification!  According to the new rules, if he loses to someone by DQ
he must face them again next week, so the General will get a title rematch.
BudMan declined a title shot against his partner, so the Neutralizer took his
place.  Will fellow Four Corner and new Africa/Australia Champ Bjorn "the
Sweedish Pretzel" decline his shot this week?  If he doesn't, DiMadMan will
face the Big Kahuna, "Irish" Mike Flint, Bjorn, the General and the
Re-Animator!  If he does turn it down, BudMan would be offered the match, and
if he turns it down, Mr. Roddy will get the shot.

Highlanders Take Tag Belts!

The Highlanders beat the Law this week, then won the other two title matches!
Both teams are entered in the Tag Team Battle Royal this week, along with 13
other teams!  The Plaid Powerhouse came very close to winning the Americas'
Title this week, and Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" won the Africa/Australia
Tournament.  Will the Highlanders dominate the league the way Flint and Steel
did?

Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" Wins Tournament!

Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" won the tournament to win the Africa/Australia,
which was vacated by DiMadMan last week!  The tournament took place in
installments this week.  Bjorn beat Virus in Round 1 (Wednesday), Mr. Roddy
in Round 2 (Thursday) and Frank Steel in the final match (Friday)!
Note to rec.games.pbm readers: if you want to read the tournament, I will
send it to you by e-mail.

The Big Kahuna Wins Americas' Title!

The Big Kahuna won the Americas' Title from the Re-Animator!  The Re-Animator
had held on to that belt for quite a while, until losing it to the Big Kahuna
in his second defense this week.  In the Big Kahuna's first title defense,
the Plaid Powerhouse tried to bribe the referee, but the ref disqualified
him and kept the money!

Supercard Scheduled!

The fourth Supercard is scheduled for the 29th of May!  Start planning your
challenges now!

Send me your matches/comments by 5/19/91!

Matches This Week

World Title:

The General beat DiMadMan by DQ.
DiMadMan barely pinned the Re-Animator.
"Irish" Mike Flint beat DiMadMan by DQ.
DiMadMan survived the Crusher.
DiMadMan beat the Neutralizer.

Tag Team Title:

The Highlanders beat the Law.
The Highlanders beat Flint and Steel.
The Highlanders destroyed the 007 Special.

Continental Titles:

The Re-Animator pinned Mr. B.
The Big Kahuna barely pinned the Re-Animator.
The Big Kahuna beat the Plaid Powerhouse by DQ.

The General beat "Irish" Mike Flint by DQ.
"Irish" Mike Flint beat Tom "the Animal" Brown.
BudMan beat "Irish" Mike Flint by DQ.

Individual Matches:

The General destroyed the Millionaire.
The General annihilated Yin.
The General dominated Yang.
The General destroyed Sushi Sashimi.
Virus annihilated Yin.
Virus dominated Yang.
Virus destroyed Slimm.
The Grim Reaper annihilated Yin.
The Grim Reaper beat Yang.
The Big Kahuna annihilated Sasquatch.
Juggernaut survived Volcano.
Volcano barely pinned Skrog the Marauder's Dragon.
The Iceman pinned Sasquatch.
The Iceman pinned Galactus.
Sasquatch dominated Mr. Fujikuchi.
The Grim Reaper dominated Sasquatch.
Slimm barely pinned Sasquatch.
Darth Vader barely pinned Sasquatch.
Johann "Great Dane" Svenson beat Sasquatch.
"Irish" Mike Flint annihilated Nanook of the North.
Grunk the Barbarian barely pinned Nanook of the North.
Volcano barely pinned Nanook of the North.
BudMan destroyed Nanook of the North.
The Savage beat Nanook of the North.
Mr. B dominated Wizard.
Thanos pinned Wizard.
Pain pinned Wizard.
Slimm barely pinned Master.
The Dutch Hooligan dominated Master.
The Crusher pinned the Neutralizer.
The Neutralizer pinned Sour Krout.
The General beat the Neutralizer.
Sasquatch beat the Romulan Mauler.
The Grim Reaper beat Klingon Disrupter.
The Grim Reaper beat Sour Krout.
Mr. Roddy pinned Mr. B in a Lights Out match.
Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" beat Mr. Roddy.
Virus annihilated Lord Roderick.
The General destroyed Lord Roderick.
Sour Krout survived the Millionaire.
Frank Steel destroyed the Millionaire.
"Irish" Mike Flint destroyed the Millionaire.
The Secret Agent Man survived Sour Krout.
The Flying Dutchman pinned Sour Krout.
Sour Krout dominated the Romulan Mauler.
The Plaid Powerhouse annihilated the Romulan Mauler.
The Hit 'N' Run Rabbi annihilated the Romulan Mauler.
The Plaid Powerhouse pinned the Crusher.
The Hit 'N' Run Rabbi survived the Crusher.
BudMan annihilated the Romulan Mauler.
BudMan dominated Slimm.
BudMan beat the Secret Agent Man.
BudMan beat Mr. B.
The Savage destroyed the Romulan Mauler.
Mr. Roddy pinned the Savage.
The Savage barely pinned the Secret Agent Man.
Slimm survived Sushi Sashimi.
Darkseid the Destroyer pinned the Masked Jedi.
Darth Vader pinned the Masked Jedi.
The Flying Dutchman dominated Nanook of the North.
The Flying Dutchman pinned Action Man.
The Dutch Hooligan pinned Action Man.
The Dutch Hooligan dominated Nanook of the North.
The Flying Dutchman barely pinned the Savage.
The Flying Dutchman annihilated Lar Gand.
The Big Kahuna beat the Flying Dutchman.
The Dutch Hooligan beat Darkseid the Destroyer.
The Dutch Hooligan beat Darth Vader.
The Dutch Hooligan pinned the Secret Agent Man.

Tag Team Matches:

The Law beat the Terror Technicians.
RnR pinned Fire and Ice.
The Law destroyed the Siamese Twins.
RnR beat the BattleCruisers.
The BattleCruisers barely pinned the Maniacs.
Chilled Fury beat the Maniacs.
The Bruise Brothers beat the Maniacs.
The Class of 2964 barely pinned the Maniacs.
The Steel Monkeys dominated the Siamese Twins.
The Legion of Super Wrestlers dominated the Siamese Twins.
The Highlanders destroyed the Steel Monkeys.
The Highlanders beat Flint and Steel.
The Intoxicators barely pinned Flint and Steel.
The Intoxicators dominated the 007 Special in a Steel Cage match.
The Exterminators annihilated the Maniacs.
The Exterminators dominated RnR.

Six Man Matches:

Apocalypse Now dominated the Down-Under Decking Crew.
The Superstars pinned the Three Man Wrecking Crew.

WeWF Wrestler Rankings

World Champion:			DiMadMan (44-12-1)

Tag Team Champions:		The Highlanders (19-11)

Americas Champion:		The Big Kahuna (14-4)
Eurasia Champion:		"Irish" Mike Flint (57-26-3)
Africa/Australia Champion:	Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" (34-16-1)

Six-Man Champions:		Apocalypse Now (9-1)

1. Frank Steel (77-25-4)
2. The General (68-33-1)
3. Virus (44-16)
4. The Re-Animator (33-8-2)
5. BudMan (43-11-2)
6. The Crusher (42-25)
7. The Neutralizer (45-29-4)
8. Mr. Roddy (48-32-2)
9. The Plaid Powerhouse (26-11)
10. The Savage (22-7-1)
11. Sour Krout (19-8)
12. Dutch Hooligan (30-21)
13. The Hit 'N' Run Rabbi (9-1)
14. The Flying Dutchman (47-34-2)
15. The Romulan Mauler (32-26-1)
16. Tom "the Animal" Brown (16-10)
17. The Grim Reaper (13-8)
18. Volcano (41-39-2)
19. Thanos (4-4)
20. Wizard (3-3)
21. Juggernaut (33-34-1)
22. The Masked Jedi (1-2)
23. Skrog the Marauder's Dragon (13-15)
24. Action Man (3-5)
25. Grunk the Barbarian (2-4)
26. The Millionaire (16-20-2)
27. Pain (12-16-1)
28. Master (1-5)
29. Yin (0-4)
30. Yang (0-4)
31. Darkseid the Destroyer (2-7)
32. The Iceman (18-24)
33. Mr. B (9-15-1)
34. Slimm (5-11-1)
35. The Secret Agent Man (6-13)
36. Mr. Fujikuchi (3-10)
37. Klingon Disrupter (1-8-1)
38. Darth Vader (2-10-1)
39. Lord Roderick (22-33-3)
40. Lar Gand (9-20)
41. Johann "Great Dane" Svenson (9-21)
42. Galactus (4-16)
43. Nanook of the North (22-35-1)
44. Sasquatch (6-36-1)

Tag Teams:

1. Flint and Steel (52-21-1)		Frank Steel and "Irish" Mike Flint
2. The Law (22-4)			Judge Dredd and Judge Anderson
3. The Intoxicators (20-8-1)		BudMan and DiMadMan
4. The Terror Technicians (16-6)	Pain and Virus
5. The Exterminators (16-8)		The Enforcer and the Law Maker
6. The Maniacs (27-25-1)		Maniac #1 and Maniac #2
7. The Class of 2964 (5-7)		Ferro Lad and Val Amorr
8. Chilled Fury (3-5)			The Frozen Caveman and the Salivating Sadducee
9. The Bruise Brothers (2-4)		Ahpook and Grunk
10. BattleCruisers (7-10)		Romulan Mauler and Klingon Disrupter
11. Steel Monkeys (4-7)			Monkey #1 and Monkey #2
12. Siamese Twins (1-4)   		Yin and Yang
13. The Legion of Super Wrestlers (9-17-1)	Ultra Boy and Lar Gand
14. Fire and Ice (7-17-1)		Volcano and the Iceman
15. RnR (7-21-2)			Lord Roderick and Mr. Roddy

Six-Man Teams:

1. The Abattoir (7-4)
2. Capital Punishment (3-2)
3. The Union Shop (3-3)
4. The Down-Under Decking Crew (2-2)
5. The Superstars (5-6)
6. The Three Man Wrecking Crew (0-1)
7. Bermuda Triangle (0-1)

Did Not Compete:

Ahpook the Destroyer (13-9)
Albert Turing (8-11-1)
Black Tiger (18-12-1)
"Crusher" Cootus (3-4)
The Eradicator (4-2-1)
Ferro Lad (3-7)
The Frozen Caveman (6-7-1)
Khan Noonian Singh (5-3)
Mathie Man Riemann Savage (4-4)
Max Altitude (11-4)
Mort Rue, the Merciless (0-5)
The Salivating Sadducee (6-8)
Ultra Boy (17-20)
Val Amorr (1-8)
Venom (11-4-1)

Alpha and Omega (12-6)
The Dynamic Machine (18-17-1)
New Gods (6-3)

Comments

Camera fades in on the General:

You know, a lot has happened these past few weeks.  I won the heavyweight
title.  I defended it against the greatest champion in the sport.  I
lose it a couple days later to one of the federation drunks.  First of
all, DiMadMan, I'll be on your ass like bees on honey.  Don't think for
a second that you'll be able to slide by with my belt.  Secondly, Mr.
Flint:  You challenged me, now I challenge you!  Give me a shot at the
belt hot shot!  And finally, as to the allegations that the Shark is
my friend:
(General throws a chair into the camera, knocking the camera and
 cameraman over backwards,  The General stands over the camera and
 points downward)
THE SHARK IS NOT MY FRIEND!  I DO NOT BELIEVE IN, OR SANCTION HIS
BLATANT DISREGARD FOR JUSTICE!  AS FOR ALL YOU PANSIES OUT THERE
WHO THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS CRAP, THINK AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(The General smashes his fist into the camera, and everything
 goes dark)

The Hoosiers, along with their coach, the General, have been
seen at several matches of the Intoxicators, taking notes.

A 7' figure wearing a dark hooded robes which hides his face, stands before
an open crypt.  The Grim Reaper looks up at the camera, the light unable to
penetrate the darkness which obscures his face.
'Secret Agent Man, I don't know what your quarrel with me is.  If it is a battle
 you seek, then a battle you shall have.  I will BURY you.'

Val Lee stands beside the massive Big Kahuna, in the background waves crash and
surfers ride the waves.

Val: 'T.B. like have you heard like anything from the doctors about Malibu?'

T.B. 'Yeah dudette I have and man I'm telling you it is a most uncool situation.
      The Doctors say he may never surf again, let alone wrestle. Bogus!'

Val: 'Ohmigosh, TB, so like what happens now?'

T.B. 'I'm gonna break that Re-Animator Dude in half that's what.  You hear me
      man?  I'm comin' and whatcha gonna do, when my surfboard crashes down on
      you?

During the match between The Big Kahuna and The Re-Animator, Malibu came
to ringside on his crutches!  The Abattoir members were there to prevent sneak
attacks, so he bashed them with his crutches!

"I have worked long and hard, from the depths of last in the rankings
to the top ten, and now DiDiMan, the time has come for the Neutralizer
to achieve his ultimate destiny--  the WeWF world championship.  There's
no denying you're a good wrestler, but look at my record and you'll
realize that I'm just as good.  Be ready, DiDiMan, because I'm gonna
neutralize you and take my rightful place as WeWF champion!"

Robby:  This is Robby the Lame, with FORMER world heavyweight
Champion, "the General".  First of all, let me say that I
consider it "the General" who broke the dynasty of Flint
and Steel.

General:  Thanks Robby.  I usually don't agree with what you say,
but this time I do.

Robby:  I also have to say that you have got to be kidding yourself
if you think you can match up against any of the four corners.

General:  I was champion once, and I will be champion again.  It took
me several matches to figure out how to beat Steel, but now I have
his number.  I will be the heavyweight champion again.

Robby:  Well, you were never accused of being intelligent.  And hey,
you ran your mouth off about our future Japanese president of the
federation.  I can't believe that you're backing that other loser
Palmer, I mean hey, you're really on a losing streak.

General:  Well, Palmer's no loser.  I'm proud to be in this federation,
and I resent those goons from...

(Robby cuts him off)
Robby:  General, I think that you are pathetic excuse for a wrestler.  You
are a fat, cowardly, revolting, moronic hoosier.  I spit on you!

(Robby spits on the General)

General:  Moronic, huh?  What's that over there?
(General points to the fans.  Robby looks, and the camera turns.  Suddenly
 a scream is heard.  The camera turns back, and Robby is lying flat on
 his back unconscious)

General:  Who's the moron huh?  Now let's go to ringside.

(DiMadMan just finished his match with the Neutralizer and is
 getting out of the ring.  The General meets him at ringside.  They
 exchange a mean stare for a minute and a half.  Finally, DiMadMan
 takes a swing at the General, the General ducks and punches DiMadMan
 in the forehead.  DiMadMan is out like a ton of bricks.  The General
 then tosses an international object to a fan at the front row.)

General (to the camera):  Anyone can get hit by an international object.
The competition stopped playing fair, so the General stopped playing fair.
If you think that the General is going to roll over and die, you've got
another thing coming!

Crusher Cootus interfered to help in Tom Brown's title match, and Tom Brown
interfered to help Mr. B in his title match, but neither attack was successful.

During the Mike Flint/BudMan title match Smooth handed BudMan some brass
knuckles.  BudMan than hit Mike Flint in the head with the knucks.  Flint got
the brass knuckles away from BudMan but the referee saw them and DQ'd him!

Mitsubishi Zero, being the businesslike sort that he is, turned up at
ringside for all of the Four Corners' matches, studying their wrestling
styles and taking notes.

After his matches with both Yin and Yang, the Grim Reaper
carried his unconscious opponent back to the locker room and dumped them in
coffins labeled.  'Return to Sender, Defective.'

When the Siamese Twins get in trouble in their matches, they have been seen
making illegal switches (one of the advantages of being identical twins!)

"Frank Steel.  Mike Flint.  I don't know of anybody who could beat these
guys.  They are truly the finest wrestlers in the WeWF."--Millionaire

"So, the fat hot-dog eating, beer-swilling, Ford-driving ex-heavyweight
Western champion feels that he is qualified to threaten the corporate might
of NipponTech, Inc.?  Go back to your Sunday-night football, gaijin, you are
not in our league! You were beaten by one of the few truly skilled Western
wrestlers out there, DiMadman, and we concur with Sensei Zero when he says that
you will never retake the title!" -Yin (or maybe Yang)

"Indeed, when we get through with you, you may never hold any title again!
Go home and sit in your tacky middle-American decorated apartment and watch
wrestling on the one worthwhile piece of furniture in your apartment, your
Japanese television set! Perhaps then you will be safe from our wrath! But,
then again, perhaps you will not!" -Yang (or is it Yin?)

"General, you belong in the same league as those two buffoons, Flint and
Steel! No union can possibly comete with the sheer financial power of
NipponTech--the few times our workers have attempted to unionize, we have
simply fired them and hired new workers! Our corporation buys ans sells
thousands of people better than the three of you every day.  What makes you
think you can compete with us in the ring, when you can't compete with us in
real life?" -Mitsubishi Zero

"The dark side is strong in this federation!  It falls to me to bring back
the ideals of the Old Republic to the ring; Darth Vader, you will be the first
to fall, followed by the man who takes his name from the dark side, Darkseid
the Destroyer!  Frank Steel, I salute you and the rest of the Ultimate Union
for your efforts in fighting this threat, and I wish you continues success
in your endeavors." -The Masked Jedi

"An incompetant referee kept me from taking what is rightfully mine.  But
it doesn't matter.  The belt I wear around my waist is the true Africa/Australia
championship.  And I am the TRUE Champion.  Case Closed."--Mr. Roddy

"There seem to be alot of wrestlers retiring from active competition.  Seems
the the WeWF is getting too tough for them.  Well, I have been here since
day one, and I welcome competition.  Step into the ring and get beaten up."
--Lord Roderick

When Secret Agent Man returned to his locker after his matches he discovered
a pile of ashes at the foot of his locker, attached a note which read:
            Beware my friend as you pass by
             As you now are so once was I
            As I now am you too shall be
             Doomed my friend to follow me.
                           - Death

After every one of Mr. Roddy's matches.  He attacks his opponent
with his Africa/Australia championship belt.