WeWF Report #19

From: arxt@quads.uchicago.edu (Aidan Palmer)

Date: Mon, 13 May 1991 01:08:00 +0000

WeWF Report #19				5/7/91

DiMadMan Wins World Title!

DiMadMan beat the General this week to win the WeWF World Championship!  He
also successfully defended his Africa/Australia Title, so it has been declared
vacant, to be filled by tournament!  The General beat Frank Steel at the
Supercard and again this week, but lost to DiMadMan.  DiMadMan held the
Africa/Australia Title for a long time, but how long can he hold on to the
world title?  Next week he will defend against the General in a return match,
the Re-Animator, "Irish" Mike Flint, his own partner, BudMan, and the Crusher!

The Law Takes Tag Titles!

Judge Dredd and Judge Anderson became full time tag team specialists, and
their training paid off.  They won the Tag Team Championship from Flint and
Steel in their first defense, then defended the belt successfully for the
other two matches.

Supercard Results!

There were a lot of matches at the Supercard, and here are the results for
the big matches: The Big Kahuna beat the Romulan Mauler in the final round
to win the Iron Man Tournament, the Four Corners and the Abattoir beat Sword,
Shield, Axe, Chain and the Elementals, and in the main event the General beat
Frank Steel!

Tag Team Battle Royal!

So far the following teams have registered for the Tag Team Battle Royal:
The Intoxicators, the Highlanders, the Exterminators, the Law, the Steel
Monkeys, the Siamese Twins, RnR, the Maniacs, Alpha and Omega, and the
Hoosiers!

Comments

The Report is shrinking, mostly due to lack of comments!  Use the comments
space to rebut other wrestlers' TWIW quotes!  I would prefer to see more
comments and fewer matches, but I doubt that will happen, so I'm willing to
settle for more comments!

Errors

Last week I left out one manager's comments, left Alpha and Omega off the
rankings, and missed one manager's matches.  This week I got the report out
late, but hopefully I didn't make any other mistakes.

Send me your matches/comments by 5/12/91!

This Week's Matches

World Title:

The General survived Frank Steel.
The Re-Animator beat the General by DQ.
The General survived "Irish" Mike Flint.
DiMadMan survived the General.
DiMadMan pinned Virus.

Tag Team Title:

The Law pinned Flint and Steel.
The Law pinned the Maniacs.
The Law pinned the Intoxicators.

Continental Titles:

The Re-Animator pinned the Big Kahuna.
The Re-Animator dominated the Crusher.
The Re-Animator barely pinned Frank Steel.

"Irish" Mike Flint dominated Lord Roderick.
BudMan beat "Irish" Mike Flint by DQ.
The Savage beat "Irish" Mike Flint by DQ.

DiMadMan destroyed Sasquatch.
DiMadMan pinned Mr. Roddy.

Individual Matches:

Sour Krout survived Ahpook the Destroyer.
The Savage pinned Ahpook the Destroyer.
Ahpook the Destroyer survived the Big Kahuna.
Venom beat Jimmy Carbon.
Sour Krout pinned Jimmy Carbon.
Max Altitude beat Jimmy Carbon.
Khan Noonian Singh beat Thorin.
Khan Noonian Singh survived the Big Kahuna.
Volcano beat Albert Turing.
Mr. B barely pinned Volcano.
Pain destroyed the Iceman.
BudMan dominated the Secret Agent Man.
Max Altitude destroyed the Secret Agent Man.
The Secret Agent Man survived Darth Vader.
The Grim Reaper pinned the Secret Agent Man.
The Romulan Mauler beat Darth Vader.
Khan Noonian Singh pinned the Romulan Mauler.
The Romulan Mauler survived Skrog the Marauder's Dragon.
Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" barely pinned the Flying Dutchman.
Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" beat the Romulan Mauler.
The Plaid Powerhouse pinned the Flying Dutchman.
The Plaid Powerhouse beat the Romulan Mauler.
The Hit 'N' Run Rabbi dominated Slimm.
BudMan barely pinned Mr. B.
The Savage dominated Slimm.
Volcano beat Sasquatch.
The Grim Reaper pinned Sasquatch.
Ahpook the Destroyer dominated Sasquatch.
Frank Steel and BudMan fought to a time-limit draw.
Frank Steel pinned the Millionaire.
Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" survived Frank Steel.
AquaDemon beat Black Tiger.
Mr. B barely pinned Mr. Fujikuchi.
Lar Gand pinned Galactus.
Virus survived Mr. Roddy.
"Irish" Mike Flint pinned The Millionaire.
The Dutch Hooligan destroyed Grunk the Barbarian.
The Dutch Hooligan dominated Thanos.
The Dutch Hooligan beat Slimm.
The Dutch Hooligan pinned Juggernaut.
The Dutch Hooligan dominated the Secret Agent Man.
The Flying Dutchman dominated Thanos.
The Flying Dutchman beat Slimm.
FireLord pinned the Flying Dutchman.
Max Altitude barely pinned the Flying Dutchman.
The Flying Dutchman pinned the Romulan Mauler.
Ahpook the Destroyer barely pinned Juggernaut.
The Savage pinned Ahpook the Destroyer.
BudMan dominated Thorin.
Volcano barely pinned the Romulan Mauler.
The Grim Reaper barely pinned the Iceman.
The Neutralizer pinned the General.
The Neutralizer pinned Sour Krout.
The Neutralizer pinned BudMan.
The Neutralizer annihilated Galactus.
The Neutralizer dominated Lokis.
Lord Roderick pinned Darth Vader in a blindfold match.
The Masked Jedi barely pinned Darth Vader.
Johann "Great Dane" Svenson barely pinned Yang.
Nanook of the North survived Yin.
Sour Krout beat Slimm.
Sour Krout barely pinned Johann "Great Dane" Svenson.
Sour Krout pinned the Secret Agent Man.

Tag Team Matches:

The Law survived the Steel Monkeys.
The Siamese Twins beat the BattleCruisers.
Chilled Fury destroyed the BattleCruisers.
The Exterminators destroyed the BattleCruisers.
The Exterminators barely pinned RnR.
The New Gods survived the Dynamic Machine.
RnR pinned the Intoxicators.
The Law beat the Maniacs.
The Steel Monkeys beat the Maniacs.
The Maniacs and Chaos Personified fought to a time-limit draw.
The 007 Special pinned the Intoxicators.
The Highlanders pinned the 007 Special.
The 007 Special and RnR fought to a time-limit draw.
The 007 Special pinned Flint and Steel.
Alpha and Omega barely pinned the Bruise Brothers.
Chilled Fury barely pinned Alpha and Omega.
Alpha and Omega pinned the Siamese Twins.
Alpha and Omega pinned Fire and Ice.
Alpha and Omega destroyed the Class of 2964.
The Highlanders barely pinned the Steel Monkeys.

Six Man Matches:

The Down-Under Decking Crew barely pinned the Abattoir.
The Abattoir barely pinned the Union Shop.

WeWF Wrestler Rankings

World Champion:			DiMadMan (36-10-1)

Tag Team Champions:		The Law (19-3)

Americas Champion:		The Re-Animator (31-6-2)
Eurasia Champion:		"Irish" Mike Flint (52-24-3)
Africa/Australia Champion:	Vacant

Six-Man Champions:		Apocalypse Now (8-1)

1. Frank Steel (74-23-4)
2. The General (60-33-1)
3. Virus (40-15)
4. BudMan (35-10-2)
5. The Crusher (41-22)
6. The Neutralizer (44-26-4)
7. Mr. Roddy (45-30-2)
8. The Romulan Mauler (32-18-1)
9. The Savage (18-4-1)
10. Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" (29-16-1)
11. The Plaid Powerhouse (23-10)
12. Sour Krout (17-4)
13. The Flying Dutchman (42-33-2)
14. FireLord (34-25-1)
15. AquaDemon (20-11-1)
16. Black Tiger (17-12-1)
17. Max Altitude (11-4)
18. Venom (11-4-1)
19. The Hit 'N' Run Rabbi (7-1)
20. Ahpook the Destroyer (13-8)
21. The Big Kahuna (9-4)
22. Dutch Hooligan (24-21)
23. Khan Noonian Singh (5-3)
24. Volcano (39-38-2)
25. The Masked Jedi (1-0)
26. The Millionaire (16-16-2)
27. The Grim Reaper (8-8)
28. Juggernaut (32-33-1)
29. Skrog the Marauder's Dragon (13-14)
30. Thanos (3-4)
31. Yin (0-1)
32. Yang (0-1)
33. Albert Turing (8-11-1)
34. Grunk the Barbarian (1-4)
35. Mr. B (8-12-1)
36. Nanook of the North (23-28)
37. Pain (11-16-1)
38. The Secret Agent Man (5-10)
39. Mr. Fujikuchi (3-9)
40. Slimm (2-8-1)
41. The Iceman (16-24)
42. Lord Roderick (22-31-3)
43. Lar Gand (9-18)
44. Darth Vader (0-9-1)
45. Galactus (4-15)
46. Johann "Great Dane" Svenson (8-20)
47. Sasquatch (4-30-1)

Tag Teams:

1. Flint and Steel (51-18-1)		Frank Steel and "Irish" Mike Flint
2. The Intoxicators (17-8-1)		BudMan and DiMadMan
3. The Maniacs (27-20-1)		Maniac #1 and Maniac #2
4. The Highlanders (18-11)		Bjorn and the Plaid Powerhouse
5. Alpha and Omega (12-6)		Alpha and Omega
6. The Exterminators (13-8) 		The Enforcer and the Law Maker
7. New Gods (6-3)			Thanos and Darkseid the Destroyer
8. The Dynamic Machine (18-16-1)	Juggernaut and Black Tiger
9. Siamese Twins (1-1)			Yin and Yang
10. BattleCruisers (6-8)		Romulan Mauler and Klingon Disrupter
11. Steel Monkeys (3-5)			Monkey #1 and Monkey #2
12. Chilled Fury (2-4)		The Frozen Caveman and the Salivating Sadducee
13. The Class of 2964 (3-7)		Ferro Lad and Val Amorr
14. The Bruise Brothers (1-4)		Ahpook and Grunk
15. Chaos Personified (1-6-1)		AquaDemon and FireLord
16. Fire and Ice (7-16-1)		Volcano and the Iceman
17. RnR (5-20-2)			Lord Roderick and Mr. Roddy

Six-Man Teams:

1. The Abattoir (7-4)
2. Capital Punishment (3-2)
3. The Union Shop (3-3)
4. The Down-Under Decking Crew (2-1)
5. Bermuda Triangle (0-1)
6. The Superstars (4-6)

Did Not Compete:

Action Man (3-3)		Injured
The Botswanan Basher (2-0)
"Crusher" Cootus (3-4)
Darkseid the Destroyer (1-6)
The Eradicator (4-2-1)
Ferro Lad (2-7)
The Frozen Caveman (5-7-1)
Klingon Disrupter (1-6-1)
Master (1-3)
Mathie Man Riemann Savage (4-4)
Mort Rue, the Merciless (0-5)
The Salivating Sadducee (6-7)
TerraDoom (19-16)
Tom "the Animal" Brown (16-9)
Ultra Boy (16-20)
Val Amorr (1-7)
WindWarrior (22-15-2)
Wizard (3-0)

Heaven's Best (0-3)
The Legion of Super Wrestlers (8-16-1)
The Terror Technicians (16-5)

Comments

Simon Bolendorf threw powder into Judge Dredd's eyes, but the Law managed to
outlast the Maniacs.

"Greetings, middle-class pawns of the decadent West!  I am Mistubishi Zero,
Chief Executive Officer of NipponTech International.  As you have already
been introduced to the greatest tag team ever to come out of the East, the
Siamese Twins, I will not waste your time and mine pointing out how inadequate
they make most of your American teams look.  Instead, I will introduce you to
the newest member of the Corporation.  A former Grand Champion of Sumo until
he was expelled from the sport for brutality, this man towers head and
shoulders above the strongest of your Western wrestlers.  Welcome, if you
will, this man: Sushi Sashimi, a true heavyweight who will soon strip the
"Heavyweight" belt you hold so dear from around the waist of your Western
Dallas-watching, meatloaf-eating champion!"
(Sushi Sashimi is a huge, bald oriental wrestler in traditional Sumo garb;
he looks like he is at least 6'10" and 500 or 600 pounds)
"WeWF, your organization will soon be just another profitable venture in the
computer files of NipponTech International.  Our success is assured!"

THE MOST MUGAMBO SQUID SPEAKS:
[fade in to a most bandaged Mugambo Squid. His head is almost entirely
 wrapped in bandages except his eyes and his mouth. Both arms and legs
 are in casts. Their are four servents with large fans on either side
 of the bed fanning him.]

"Well, that was one hell of a match. Thanks to Lord Roderick and Mr. Roddy
 for teaming with me. Action Man, you tried to put me out and you didn't.
 I just wanted you to know before I left, you suck.'

[fade out.]

"We have been awful quiet recently.  But remember, it's always
quietest before the storm.  And the storm is about to hit...."--Keith Skar

"I haven't been saying much recently.  But that doesnt mean that I am
just about to lay down and die.  It means, I am getting ready.  It means,
I am re-erupt on the WeWF.  And it means, I am going to take some titles."--
Mr. Roddy

"Well Mr Shoddy, even though I wasn't around to see the end of the Pit of
Redemption Match at the Supercard, I guess I sure showed you how we kick
ass in Australia!! You didn't stand a chance - one on one with the B and
nowhere to run OR hide. Now maybe you'll realise that this B's sting is
DEADLY!
 Oh, and Budman! I'm here to tell you and all the rest of the Four
Boners, that Bud is pisswater for a pissant nation, and that me and the
Animal are gonna show how real AUSTRALIAN men can drink AND fight!!
Take my advice, PudMan....Get while the goings good!!!!" - Mr B

Mr. Roddy has been seen at every Africa/Australia title match wearing an
exact duplicate of the Africa/Australia championship belt.  He was heard
saying to the ringside fans...  "I am the true Africa/Aussie champion.
DiMadMan isnt fit to shine my shoes, let alone wear that belt.  The belt
I am wearing is the true Africa/Australia championship.  And I am the champion"

The Millionaire has been attending all the matches that involve Mike
Flint and Frank Steel and has been cheering for them.  When asked for
a comment, all he would say is "What great wrestlers".

Judges Dredd and Anderson stand once again beside the spinning globe, this time,
however, a third man, larger than either of them stands behind it in the
shadows.  He steps forward to be revealed as... The Big Kahuna!!

T.B. 'Abattoir you dudes have got to be the most uncool losers I have ever met.
      You know what you did?  You broke Malibu's legs! Mondo Uncool Man!  You
      made a REAL big mistake though dudes.  I'm still up and surfin'! You
      didn't finish the job, and now you're gonna pay!'

Dredd 'That's right Abattoir! You couldn't stand against The Law before and
      now The Big Kahuna is joining with us to set you straight!'

Anderson 'The juries decision is in baby!  In the case of the world
      vs The Abattoir, we find you guilty and sentence you to Capital
      Punishment in the form of Dredd, T.B., and myself! There just ain't
      no where for you to hide now!

T.B. 'Re-Animator, I'm gonna start with you, dude.  You may hold that Americas
      belt now, but Malibu wanted it and I plan to get it for him!  Surf's Up
      and your gonna get wiped out! Whatcha gonna do when the Ironman of the
      WeWF brings his surfboard crashin' down on you!'

=======  WeWF Wrestling Spotlight  ============

JAY:  Hello FANS!  Crazy Jay Morgan here with the latest breaking news.
      Just a few minutes ago, we received word of the retirements of none
      other than Vito Gianelli as well as the Chain Gang.  Gentlemen, why
      retirement?
VITO:  Well, Crazy Jay....the only reason I started wrestling was to get enough
       money to open my own pizza shop.   Hey, all you Vito-maniacs out there.
       Bring your Vitomania membership card down to the shop and get a discount
       "Vito's Pizza" is down at...
JAY: (Cutting him off)  Okay, Thanks Vito.  Now for the Chain Gang.  Steroid
      Centurion:  an impressive showing at SUPERCARD.  Why are you quitting?
S.C.:  I want to go back to my old job.
JAY:  Which was....?
S.C.: (Mumbling)  Flrzsz.
JAY:  What was that?
S.C.:  Florist, dammit, Florist.  I like working with flowers.  You wanna make
       something of it.
JAY: (Backing off)  No, no, no, no.......Ned Harley, I assume the injuries you
     received crashing into the concrete pillar at SUPERCARD are putting you
     out wrestling.
NED:  Hell no!  My boss dropped the charges, so I can go back to my old job.
JAY: (Tentatively):  Which was...?
NED:  I was a librarian, Jay.
JAY: (Sarcastically):  Wonderful.  What about you, Eunuch?  Why not a solo
      career....or another tag-team partner?
UNIK:  What?  I got a great career ahead of me.  See, I was watching some late
       nite tv when I hear this nifty organ music during a commercial.  So I
       call the toll-free number and...
JAY:  Well..?
UNIK:  The Eunuch is going to learn to drive the big rigs!!!
JAY: (Hiding his face with his hands)  Oh brother.
      This is Crazy Jay Morgan, the big story -- Retirements, and right now
      its starting to sound like a good idea.
UNIK:  Hey Jay, I still got that number if you wanna give them a call.

(Jay sighs in frustration as screen fades out)
======================================================================

Flint:  Well General, you took the title from Frank, and you sucessfully
defended it, that's something your friend the Shark couldn't do, defend
his title, well, now you got me breathing down your back, what will you do,
having to defend against Flint and Steel in the same round, noone likes to
have to do that.

Steel:  Four corners you guys have been tearing up the WeWF lately but I've beentoo busy defending my belt to do much about it, well I ain't got the belt no
more so I plan on coming out and taking each and every one of the four corners
down, and all you'll be left with is a circle, get it, no corners.

Molly:(sans Hair), Ya know Amy, this Sinead O'Connor look really kind of suits
me, nice and cool in the summer, but don't forget, things aren't over between
us, there is still a lot of bad blood there and I ain't letting up till all
of your bad blood is spilled.