WeWF Report #18

From: arxt@quads.uchicago.edu (Aidan Palmer)

Date: Mon, 29 Apr 1991 02:18:56 +0000

WeWF Report #18				4/28/91

The General Wins World Title!

The General beat Frank Steel to regain the WeWF World Championship!  Steel
appeared to be exhausted from his long run of title defenses, winning just two
of his title matches this week.  The General, after being beaten by Steel
several times during Steel's reign, finally pulled out an upset and beat
Steel!  This is the second time the General has held the World Title.

Other Titles Defended Successfully!

All of the other champions made successful title defenses this week.  Malibu
beat DiMadMan by DQ, coming very close to taking that belt away from him, and
Apocalypse Now nearly lost their titles to the Abattoir.

Supercard News!

The final card for Tuesday's Supercard was given in TWIW, but this match has
just been added: Frank Steel vs. the General for the World Championship!
Steel is out to prove that the General's victory was just a fluke, the General
will try to hold onto the belt and take a step toward breaking Steel's record
for successful title defenses!  Both wrestlers have over 50 wins, and both are
several time Champions!  This battle of the superstars should be exciting!

Also, the Legion of Super Wrestlers vs. the Empire match is now a scaffold
match, and Mugambo Squid will be crowned the Most Mugambo Squid!  And don't
miss the last matches of Sword and Shield, Mugambo Squid, and with all of the
special matches signed, will anyone else have their WeWF career ended?

The Hit 'N' Run Rabbi has not been seen since his dissappearance from the
Meat Locker during This Week in Wrestling!  If he doesn't show up for the
Supercard, the Elementals have recommended that Vito Gianelli take his place!

The post-supercard This Week in Wrestling will come out on Friday so that
there will be time for managers to send post match comments.  Speaking of
comments, I'm still looking for more pre-match supercard comments!

Also, if you volunteered to write a Supercard match, and/or have Monday night
and Tuesday morning free, and haven't gotten any information from me, remind
me, and you'll be able to write a match!

New Championship Rules

It seems like every week the same wrestlers get title shots for being top
contenders.  From now on, though, things will be a little different.  The
World Champion's first defense will be against anyone who beat him by DQ
the previous week (unless they already have a title shot), or the former
champion, if there is one.  Then he will defend against the Continental
Champions, just like before.  But then he will defend against the two highest
ranked wrestlers who he hasn't faced that month.

Next week, the champion will face Frank Steel (or the General), the
Re-Animator, "Irish" Mike Flint, DiMadMan and Virus.  The next week, they will
defend against a top contender other than Virus, even if he holds onto the #2
contender slot.

Send me your matches and comments by 5/5/91!

This Week's Matches:

World Title:

Frank Steel survived the Re-Animator.
Frank Steel and "Irish" Mike Flint fought to a time-limit draw.
DiMadMan beat Frank Steel by DQ.
Frank Steel survived Virus.
The General survived Frank Steel.

Tag Team Title:

Flint and Steel barely pinned the Exterminators.
Flint and Steel dominated the Maniacs.
Flint and Steel barely pinned the Surfer Alliance.

Continental Titles:

Malibu beat the Re-Animator by DQ.
The Re-Animator survived Virus.
The Re-Animator destroyed TerraDoom.

"Irish" Mike Flint survived Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel".
"Irish" Mike Flint annihilated AquaDemon.
"Irish" Mike Flint destroyed the Millionaire.

DiMadMan pinned the Romulan Mauler.
DiMadMan beat Jimmy Carbon.
DiMadMan barely pinned the Big Kahuna.

Individual Matches:

DiMadMan beat Jimmy Carbon.
Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" beat Jimmy Carbon.
Lokis barely pinned the Romulan Mauler.
Thanos pinned Thorin.
Lokis pinned Klingon Disrupter.
The Romulan Mauler dominated Doug "Crusher" Corey.
The Romulan Mauler pinned Death.
The Millionaire survived Skrog the Marauder's Dragon.
Judge Anderson dominated Skrog the Marauder's Dragon.
Skrog the Marauder's Dragon beat Grunk the Barbarian.
Skrog the Marauder's Dragon barely pinned Darkseid the Destroyer.
Sour Krout beat Skrog the Marauder's Dragon.
"Irish" Mike Flint destroyed the Millionaire.
Thanos barely pinned Doug "Crusher" Corey.
Albert Turing and the Millionaire fought to a time-limit draw.
Albert Turing barely pinned Vito Gianelli.
Mr. Roddy destroyed Volcano.
Volcano and AquaDemon fought to a time-limit draw.
Venom barely pinned the Iceman.
The Iceman beat Lar Gand.
Max Altitude pinned the Secret Agent Man.
The Big Kahuna dominated Venom.
Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" dominated Venom.
Destruction destroyed Nanook of the North.
Death pinned Nanook of the North.
Nanook of the North beat Sasquatch.
Nanook of the North and Darth Vader fought to a time-limit draw.
The Secret Agent Man survived Nanook of the North.
The Re-Animator annihilated FireLord.
DiMadMan pinned WindWarrior.
Frank Steel survived Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" in a Loser Bows match.
Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" annihilated FireLord.
Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" beat the Romulan Mauler.
Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" survived Virus.
The Grim Reaper destroyed the Berserker.
Judge Dredd beat Darth Vader.
Judge Anderson destroyed Darkseid the Destroyer.
Judge Dredd beat Juggernaut.
Black Tiger beat Bart Simpson.
Death pinned Mr. Fujikuchi.
Samson Goliath dominated Galactus.
The Crusher pinned Action Man.
The Crusher annihilated Val Amorr.
The Crusher pinned Pain.
The Crusher dominated the Iceman.
BudMan annihilated TerraDoom.
Slimm dominated Galactus.
The General destroyed the Flying Dutchman.
The Flying Dutchman beat AquaDemon.
Destruction beat the Flying Dutchman.
The Savage beat the Flying Dutchman.
The Flying Dutchman beat Volcano.
The Millionaire survived the Dutch Hooligan.
Ahpook the Destroyer beat the Dutch Hooligan.
Black Tiger beat the Dutch Hooligan.
The Plaid Powerhouse dominated the Dutch Hooligan.
The Dutch Hooligan destroyed FireLord.
The General annihilated Doug "Crusher" Corey.
The General dominated Mr. B.
The General annihilated Samson Goliath.
The General annihilated Cap'n Good.
The General destroyed "Viking" William.
Mr. Roddy barely pinned Mr. B.
Virus barely pinned Mr. Roddy.
BudMan destroyed the Secret Agent Man.
BudMan barely pinned WindWarrior.
The Savage and WindWarrior fought to a time-limit draw.
The Savage destroyed the Secret Agent Man.
The Big Kahuna annihilated TerraDoom.
The Big Kahuna annihilated Doug "Crusher" Corey.

Tag Team Matches:

Alpha and Omega barely pinned the Steel Monkeys.
Alpha and Omega annihilated Chaos Personified.
Flint and Steel beat the Chain Gang in a Steel Cage match.
The Highlanders barely pinned Flint and Steel.
The Intoxicators survived Flint and Steel.
The Maniacs barely pinned Fire and Ice.
The Terror Technicians pinned the New Gods.
The BattleCruisers barely pinned the Chain Gang.
The BattleCruisers beat RnR.
The Intoxicators beat the Thunder Brothers.
The Exterminators beat RnR.
The Law dominated RnR.
The Law beat the Chain Gang.
The Law destroyed the Dynamic Machine.
Flint and Steel annihilated Chaos Personified.

Six Man Matches:

The Union Shop destroyed the Chain Gang 3.
The Abattoir and Apocalypse Now fought to a time-limit draw.
Apocalypse Now pinned Capital Punishment.
The Down-Under Decking Crew dominated the Superstars.

WeWF Wrestler Rankings

World Champion: The General (57-30-1)

Tag Team Champions: Flint and Steel (51-15-1)

Americas Champion: The Re-Animator (26-6-2)
Eurasia Champion:  "Irish" Mike Flint (49-21-3)
Africa/Australia Champion: DiMadMan (35-10-1)

Six-Man Champions:  Apocalypse Now (8-1)

1. Frank Steel (72-19-3)
2. Virus (39-14)
3. BudMan (30-9-1)
4. The Crusher (40-21)
5. Mr. Roddy (45-28-2)
6. The Romulan Mauler (28-11-1)
7. The Flying Dutchman (39-29-2)
8. The Plaid Powerhouse (20-10)
9. Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" (25-16-1)
10. The Savage (13-4-1)
11. Sour Krout (11-2)
12. Judge Dredd (12-4-1)
13. FireLord (32-25-1)
14. Destruction (30-23)
15. AquaDemon (18-11-1)
16. Black Tiger (17-10-1)
17. Ahpook the Destroyer (10-3)
18. WindWarrior (21-15-2)
19. Venom (10-4-1)
20. The Big Kahuna (6-1)
21. Max Altitude (8-4)
22. Malibu (3-0)
23. Juggernaut (32-30-1)
24. TerraDoom (18-16)
25. The Millionaire (16-14-2)
26. Judge Anderson (6-4)
27. Slimm (2-0-1)
28. Thanos (3-2)
29. Skrog the Marauder's Dragon (13-13)
30. Action Man (3-3)
31. Volcano (36-37-2)
32. The Secret Agent Man (4-5)
33. Death (4-5-1)
34. Dutch Hooligan (19-21)
35. "Viking" William (11-19-2)
36. Albert Turing (8-10-1)
37. Grunk the Barbarian (1-3)
38. Klingon Disrupter (1-4)
39. The Grim Reaper (4-8)
40. Nanook of the North (22-27)
41. Mr. B (6-11-1)
42. Mr. Fujikuchi (3-8)
43. Darkseid the Destroyer (1-6)
44. Val Amorr (1-6)
45. Darth Vader (0-5-1)
46. The Iceman (16-22)
47. Pain (10-16-1)
48. Samson Goliath (6-14)
49. Vito Gianelli (18-27-1)
50. Lar Gand (8-17)
51. Galactus (4-13)
52. The Berserker (4-14)
53. Cap'n Good (1-15)
54. Doug "Crusher" Corey (10-26)
55. Bart Simpson (10-28-2)
56. Sasquatch (4-25-1)

Tag Teams:

1. The Intoxicators (16-5-1)		BudMan and DiMadMan
2. The Terror Technicians (16-5)	Pain and Virus
3. The Maniacs (27-17)			Maniac #1 and Maniac #2
4. The Law (13-3)			Judge Dredd and Judge Anderson
5. The Highlanders (15-11)		Bjorn and the Plaid Powerhouse
6. The Exterminators (10-8)		The Enforcer and the Law Maker
7. BattleCruisers (6-4)			Romulan Mauler and Klingon Disrupter
8. New Gods (5-3)			Thanos and Darkseid the Destroyer
9. The Dynamic Machine (16-15-1)	Juggernaut and Black Tiger
10. The Thunder Brothers (3-4)		Thorin and Lokis
11. The Surfer Alliance (0-1)		Malibu and the Big Kahuna
12. Steel Monkeys (0-3)			Monkey #1 and Monkey #2
13. Chaos Personified (0-6)		AquaDemon and FireLord
14. Fire and Ice (7-15-1)		Volcano and the Iceman
15. The Chain Gang (12-24-1)		The Steroid Centurion and the Eunuch
16. RnR (4-19-1)			Lord Roderick and Mr. Roddy

Six-Man Teams:

1. The Abattoir (6-3)
2. Capital Punishment (3-2)
3. The Union Shop (3-2)
4. The Down-Under Decking Crew (1-1)
5. Bermuda Triangle (0-1)
6. The Superstars (4-6)
7. Sword, Shield, and Axe (2-5)
8. The Chain Gang 3 (0-4)

Did Not Compete:

The Botswanan Basher (2-0)
"Crusher" Cootus (3-4)
The Eradicator (4-2-1)
Ferro Lad (2-6)
The Frozen Caveman (4-7-1)
George Bush (16-18)
The Hit 'N' Run Rabbi (6-1)		Missing
The Iron Madman (0-2)
Johann "Great Dane" Svenson (7-18)
Khan Noonian Singh (2-3)
Lord Roderick (21-30-3)
Master (1-3)
Mathie Man Riemann Savage (4-4)
Mort Rue, the Merciless (0-5)
The Neutralizer (39-26-4)
The Salivating Sadducee (5-7)
Sgt. Happy (3-9)
Tom "the Animal" Brown (15-9)
Ultra Boy (16-19)

Alpha and Omega (10-6)
The Bruise Brothers (1-3)
Chilled Fury (0-3)
Class of 2964 (3-5)
Death and Destruction (0-2)
Heaven's Best (0-3)
The Legion of Super Wrestlers (8-15-1)
O.S.E. (6-1)
The Righteous (1-8)
Wizard (3-0)

Comments

(Dateline: Asgard--the mansion of Lord Lokis)

"Thorin, you ignorant buffoon!  If I had wanted to put you, my only brother and tag-team partner, out of the WeWF, believe me, I would have finished you for
good!  But NO, YOU had to go and indulge your enormous ego!  Well, fine!  I
don't care WHAT Odin says!  You've made me mad, and you're dead! D-E-A-D, dead!

(enter Baron Schofield)

"Now Lokis, you know he was confused at the time(not surprising, considering
you hit him with Thorin's own hammer).  He'll eventually come back around.  I
know the boy pretty well."

(At this point, Thorin storms into the hall, accompanied by--Jimmy Carbon!)

"Forsooth, thou dost dream on, Schofield!  I have been enlightened as to your
intents and purposes, as well as yours, my brother.  Henceforth, let there be war between us!  I henceforth resign from your flock, Schofield!  I shall go to
Squire Brack, and see if he will take me in.  If he wishes, I shall wrestle under his banner."

Jimmy:"Thorin has seen what kind of low-lifes you 2 are, Lokis, and he no longer
wishes to be associated with the likes of you!  I myself will try and persuade
my manager to take in Thorin, especially since you put Guardian out of wrestling!  That's right--his skull is fractured so much, it makes a jigsaw puzzle look
like a straight line!  As for his legs--well, there's not much left that's still
connected!  He'll be lucky to live, let alone walk!  Beware, Lokis:  we are not
amused, not one bit!"

(Jimmy and Thorin march out of the throne room.  Lokis, about to have a fit,
storms after them)

(fade out)

The Maniacs tried to use an International Object on Flint and Steel in their
title match, but the referee confiscated it before they could use it.

Flint: Well, Bjorn you asked for a match last round but you were ranked
26th so I didn't figure that you were much of a challenge, but after the
battle Royal and last round I guess that you deserve a shot, but I will
be ready for you and Frank is going to be at ring side to make sure that
no illicit tactics take place.

Steel: What can I say, what can I say, when will you guys bring me some good    competition, frankly I'm getting bored beating up on the Four Corners, the
terror of the WeWF, that's a laugh, I had better fights on a Saturday night
down in the USW hall before I joined the WeWF.

Molly: What happened Amy, your boys challenged Flint and Steel and then
chickened out of a Supercard match, give me a break, well you're going
to look real good Bald.

Fade in on the General, red sweater and all, with a hardhat on his head.
He looks at the camera, takes off the hardhat, and stomps on it.
The Shark is NOT my friend!"
Camera fades out.

MUGAMBO SQUID SPEAKS:"The Very Mugambo Squid has received word that his
father, The Most Mugambo Squid, has passed away. Therefore, he must retire
from the WeWF in order to assume the title of The Most Mugambo Squid and rule
the Squid Dynasty. He bids farewell to all worthy opponenty he's fought,
especially Action Man, with whom he was proud to share a nomination for Best
Individual Match with. Goodbye."

Masked Marvel:"Lord Roderick, I've been thinking. You were right all along.
I quit."

Nanook of the North, standing defiently before the camera, a spear in
    his left hand, a man-sized leg hold trap in his right.  He is now
    sporting a hooded cape, made from a polar bear skin (the bear's head
    forms the hood).

"Tom Brown!  My trap line is now complete.  I have also taken the time
    to put together a few other surprises for you.  Our esteemed president
    has just informed me of your response to my SuperCard challenge.  You
    are two steps closer to your finish, my prey."

The two Californian Surfer Dudes stand beside their manager, Val Lee.
In the background waves crash and a crowd begins to gather.

Val: Wow! Like what a totally excellent week, ok?  Didn't I like tell you guys
 you'd be totally tubular?

(A rather disgusted look appears on TB Kahuna's face)
T.B.: Yeah, ya did Val, but that low-life beach maggot, DiMadMan still has the
 belt around his waist.  Mondo, uncool babe.

Val: Oh like gag me with a spoon, TB!  You'll get another shot, unless he's
 like a total coward ok?

Malibu: Yeah TB, don't let it stew you man, it'll clog up your vibes and ruin
 your surfing man.

T.B.: We'll see, but now it's time to start pumping up for that Iron Man
 competition.

Malibu: Dude! Good point if I'm gonna lock up with that Ahpook dude, I'd best
 get to work too, Dude.

Val: Like look out WeWF the Surfer Alliance is here to stay, like ya know?

The Elementals and I have been involved with more important matters the past
couple of weeks, so those of you that have beat us, that will be the only time!
The Triple Dome of Terror will be the ultimate match!  Corners and Abbaitor,
your in for the biggest NIGHTMARE of your lives.  Be prepared for ANYTHING!
                                                     -Dr. Chaos

This up coming match has left youin a bad position, C And A!.  You called it
the Triple Dome of Terror, otherwise known as a TerrorDome.  I was specially
trained in these type of matches and have instincts only the cage fighters
would have.  You made your last mistake when you gave TerraDoom the challenge
to fight in the TerrorDome.  Sound very similar, doesn't it.  Come March 30,
you'll know why thet named me TerraDoom.  Life is short.  Be prepared to lose
yours!  Word to your Mutha!

<fade in to a chaotic laboratory setting, a white haired man with a hunchback
sitting at a microscope>
"Greetings Vorld Vestling Vans... I am the Great Herr Doktor Delbert P. True,
world renowned cryo-archeologist... I am the discoverer.... nay the creator
of the creature known so affectionately as "The Frozen Caveman".  He has
expressed to me that he vants to be the vorld champion... and I will bring him
there... (for 80% of the profits of course!) So, you are thinking to your
self, How does this affect me?  right?  Vell, I vill tell you..  I will pay
any wrestler $10,000 to come and wrestle the Frozen Caveman in my labor---- um
my specially constructed gymnasium...  Of course we must be assured that no
foul play goes on... so there will be full drug testing, and possibly some
motor cortex samples, (nothing you wont miss, mind you...)   So all of you
down on your luck wrestlers, come to the True Laboratory Complex, and cash in
on that unused portion of cortex, and get a chance to say "Yes, I wrestled
the World champion grandson, and boy could he wrestle..."  Thank you.
<a computer generated Logo appears..
    T R U E
      labs, USA
   "bringing you a better yesterday"

Slimm, you fat tub of lard.  How can you possibly fight in an Iron Man match?
You disgusting pig.  Come April 30'th, you're going down!  Elroy jetson, it's
gonna come down to you and me.   All I have to say about that is -you're future
is gonna be very SOUR indeed.

-Sour Krout.

During the Romulan Mauler's title match against DiMadMan, Klingon Disrupter ran
to the ring, headbutted Smooth, and hit DiMadMan with a bottle of Romulan Ale!
DiMadMan recovered though, and won the match.

Thunder Brothers, you think that you are gods?  HAHAHAHAHA!  After the
Supercard, the whole world is going to know that all you are are is a bunch of
talentless loosers, who have no business in this league.  Flint and
Steel, We're Coming for you.

The Steel Monkeys

Dredd and Anderson stand, once again, before the spinning globe.  A small table
with several of the 'action figures' stands in front of them.  Dredd picks
up one of them and then looks into the camera:

Dredd: 'Khan Noonian Singh.' He breaks the figure in half and picks up another.
       'Darkseid the Destroyer.' He snaps off the figure's head.
       'Thanos the Mad God.' He slams his fist down on a third figure smashing
        it through the table.
       'Lightfinger, you only have one toy left.' He picks up the Darth Vader
        figure and crumples it in his hand. 'Correction you HAD one toy left.
        You're time is up Lightfinger.'

Anderson: 'We have crushed you at every turn Lightfinger, you and your pitiful
           Empire.  You claim like some many others to make the Laws.  Your men
           are mere play toys in the hands of The Law.  I think your time would
           be better spent concentrated on making bandaids for your wrestlers.'

Dredd: 'You, however, don't seem capable of taking a hint.  Therefore, we are
        NOT through with you yet.  Your men had best watch every step they take.
        Because WE will be.'

Anderson: 'And WE are THE LAW!!!'

After pinning his opponents, The Grim Reaper carries his unconscious opponent
back into the locker room and nails them into a wooden coffin.  Placing a
black orchid on their chest.

The general was seen at several matches of both Flint and Steel flanked
by two unknown people.  One towered over him at 6' 9".  The other was
smaller, around 6' 2", and barely 2 hundred pounds.  They stared down
Flint and Steel after several matches.  The General was seen taking notes.

ALBERT TURING (attired in cap and gown over his wrestling trunks, holding
flowers and a heart shaped box of candy):  Green Jean, your very name
sets my poetic heart aflame.  (*sigh*)  Since that punk upstart, Lar Gand, is
out of the picture, it's just you and me, dear.  I'll have the limo waiting
outside so that I may whisk you away immediately following Supercard to a date
that you will never forget for the rest of your life!  Don't keep me waiting
too long, my little Sugar Plum. (blows a kiss)

And I'd like to take this opportunity to thank "Mathie Man" Riemann Savage for
his help with the WeWF computer files recently (even if he doesn't know his
bits from a hole in the ground).  Take a tip from me "Mathie Man," stick to
counting on your fingers and toes.  You can get them burned off with things
like integrability criterion theorems and conditionally convergent series.

ALPHA:  The FIRST...
OMEGA:           ... and LAST names in WeWF Tag Team competition are BACK!
ALPHA:  That's right! and we've got our eyes on the WeWF Tag Team belts.
OMEGA:  Here's your FIRST...
ALPHA:                   ... and LAST warning, Flint and Steel!
OMEGA:  Keep watching your backs and fronts.
ALPHA:  'Cause you never know where the BEGINNING of your END will come from!