WeWF Summer Report #1

From: arxt@quads.uchicago.edu (Aidan Palmer)

Date: Mon, 10 Jun 1991 01:53:50 +0000

WeWF Summer Report #1     6/9/91

Wince: "Hello everyone and welcome to the first WeWF Summer League Report!"

Baboon: "Let's bring everyone up to date on what took place this week in the
    WeWF Wince!"

Wince: "First we had a few regular matches, since everyone was gearing up for
    the US Title Tournament, then we had the big tournament itself."

Baboon: "Flint and Steel signed a match against the To-be-named-later team.
    Let's hear what Frank Steel had to say before the match:"

Steel: "To-be-named-later, do you know how much I hate unknowns?  I hate masked
    wrestlers, I hate secret clauses in contracts, and I hate those 11 secret
    herbs and spices in the Col.'s chicken.  Well, me and Mickey are going to be
    coming after you to see who you are and what you're made of."

Wince: "Unfortunately, To-be-named-later didn't show up for the match!  There
    were several other no-shows this week."

Baboon: "Including the Killer Whale!  Flint challenged the Killer Whale to a
    match, and had this to say:"

Flint: "Well, Killer Whale, you're new to the WeWF, huh, well back in Kentucky
    we don't see too many Whales but I hear that a Whale is just like a big ol'
    pig that lives in the water.  Well, piggie, welcome to the WeWF I hope you
    enjoy your short stay, because I may just end up making whale chops out of
    you."

Robby: "Just like Flint and Steel to challenge wrestlers who they know won't
    show up!"

Baboon: "I believe they were trying to scout the new competition, Lame.  It's
    almost time for this week's results."

Robby: "But first, let's hear from RnR!"

Mr. Roddy: "The summer league is starting, heh.  I see some old faces and some
new ones.  Well it doesn't matter.  I plan on skyrocketing staight to the top.
And I don't care who gets in my way, if its my old "friends" or new ones.  Plan
on getting beat."

Lord Roderick: "I am here.  And there will be no more Mr. Nice Guy.  I plan on
fighting fire with FIRE."

Baboon: "Wow!  Two very intense competitors, and for this week they signed
singles matches against the Highlanders.  We also had a chance to talk to the
Secret Agent Man."

Secret Agent Man: "I notice that I haven't seen any of the Emperor's men in the
WeWF's Summer League.  Whassamatter, Emperor, is the league too HOT for you??
Or is it you dare not come near the Secret Agent Man?  This just goes to show
you that people may threaten me at first, but they don't dare come near you when
they have something to hide.  So YOU BETTER START LIVIN THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW,
'CAUSE IF THE SECRET AGENT MAN FINDS OUT OTHERWISE, IT'S "CASE CLOSED" FOR YOU."

Robby: "Is that guy obnoxious or what?"

Baboon: "I hope you don't have anything to hide, Lame.  This week the Secret
    Man challenged the Plaid Powerhouse!"

Wince: "Let's go to Lord Winfred Vague at the arena."

Vague: "Thank you Wince.  In the first match, Wizard defeated newcomer Razor
    in a grueling contest.  Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" defeated Mr. Roddy, and
    minutes later the Plaid Powerhouse defeated Lord Roderick.  The Big Kahuna
    surprised quite a few people with his victory over Frank Steel, and RnR
    won a tag team match when the Intoxicators didn't show up.  The Plaid
    Powerhouse won a second match, this time over the Secret Agent Man.  The
    Hoosiers won a match when the Dynamic Machine didn't show up, and the
    General destroyed the Romulan Mauler!  Back to you, Baboon!"

Baboon: "Thank you, your lordship!"

Robby: "Remember that match between FireLord and Lord Roderick to determine the
    true Lord?  Well maybe Lord Roderick should wrestle Lord Winfred Vague!  He
    might win for a change!"

Baboon: "You just keep digging yourself deeper and deeper..."

Wince: "Let's take a look at the match-ups for the US Title Tournament:"

BudMan vs
                            The Crusher -|
                                         |--------|
                The Heavy Metal Kid vs.  |        |
                            Frank Steel -|        |
                                                  |--------|
                             Wizard vs.           |        |
                          Lord Roderick -|        |        |
                                         |--------|        |
                         Juggernaut vs.  |                 |
                   The Secret Agent Man -|                 |
                                                           |
The Plaid Powerhouse vs.                                   |
Tom "the Animal" Brown -------|                            |----------
                              |----------|                 |
Mr. Roddy vs.                 |          |                 |
The General ------------------|          |                 |
                                         |--------|        |
DiMadMan vs.                             |        |        |
The Big Kahuna ---------------|          |        |        |
                              |----------|        |        |
The Neutralizer vs.           |                   |        |
Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" -|                   |--------|
                                                  |
                    Mr. B vs.                     |
            The Romulan Mauler ----------|        |
                                         |--------|
                    Razor vs.            |
                  Black Tiger -----------|

Baboon: "The first round results are in!  Let's go back to Lord Winfred Vague."

Vague: "Tom "the Animal" Brown won out over the Plaid Powerhouse, the General
    beat Mr. Roddy, the Big Kahuna barely beat DiMadMan, and Bjorn "the Sweedish
    Pretzel" defeated the Neutralizer.  Back to you, Baboon."

Baboon: "While the second round is taking place, let's go to comments from
    Molly Maguire!"

Molly: (hair about an inch long now) "Hey, Val, did you notice that no sooner
    did I get rid of Amazon Amy than you show up, well my boys had tons-o-fun
    kicking Amy's boys around the ring so we'll just have to see how well you
    can manage your boys against Flint and Steel."

Robby: "Val Lee's Big Kahuna won the first round against Molly's team, but I
    would like to see them go at it some more, leaving the Four Corners to
    dominate the WeWF!"

Baboon: "Highly unlikely.  Let's go back to Lord Winfred."

Vague: "The second round results are in, Baboon.  BudMan defeated the Crusher.
    The Heavy Metal Kid fought hard, but lost to Frank Steel.  Lord Roderick
    defeated the Wizard, and Juggernaut beat the Secret Agent Man.  The General
    beat Tom "the Animal" Brown, Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel beat the Big
    Kahuna, Mr. B beat the Romulan Mauler, and Black Tiger defeated Razor."

Wince: "That leaves just 8 men in the tournament!  All 8 are seasoned veterans."

Robby: "Yeah, the newcomers didn't do very well."

Baboon: "Robby, I understand you have some lists for us?"

Robby: "That's right, Tempest.  First, the top five reasons Robby the Lame's
    top five list is back:"

Baboon: "Please.  Just get to the lists, Lame."

Robby: "Okay, okay.  Anyway, the top five most popular wrestlers in the WeWF:
    #1: a tie between Flint and Steel
    #2: The Big Kahuna
    #3: The General
    #4: The Tholian Black Widow
    #5: Juggernaut
    As you can see, popularity is inversely proportional to IQ!"

Baboon: "Give me a break!"

Robby: "What else can I say about those six?  Any list with Juggernaut on it
    must be the top five dumbest wrestlers!  The Tholian Black Widow is too
    stupid to know when to retire, the Big Kahuna is a surfer, the
    General is from Indiana, and Flint and Steel aren't exactly rocket
    scientists.  I think that says it all."

Wince: "Watch what you say, Robby.  Remember what happened to you after your
    first top five list?"

Robby: "Did I say dumb?  I meant glum!"

Baboon: "You'll be glum alright, if any of those guys get their hands on you!"

Wince: "Let's go back to Lord Winfred Vague!"

Vague: "BudMan defeated Frank Steel, and Lord Roderick defeated Juggernaut.
    That means BudMan and Lord Roderick will face off in the semi-finals.  Bjorn
    "the Sweedish Pretzel" defeated the General, and Mr. B beat Black Tiger."

Wince: "The semi-final matches are set.  Predictions, gentlemen?"

Baboon: "BudMan has gone through some tough competition, so I'll go with him,
    as much as I hate to."

Robby: "Think, Tempest, think!  It's a tournament, and who won the
    Africa/Australia Title Tournament?  Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel"!  Look
    for him to win again here!"

Wince: "Mr. B looked good in his matches, and he has built up his reputation
    quite a bit here tonight!  So has Bjorn.  Keep in mind that the wrestlers
    with the two best reputations will get title shots, one against World
    Champion "Irish" Mike Flint, and the other against the US Champion.

Baboon: "I don't think anyone is trying to finish third, Wince.  They will be
    going all out to win the US Title, not just get a title shot!"

Robby: "But with the Four Corners, a title shot equals a title change!"

Baboon: "Please.  Let's go back to Lord Winfred!"

Vague: "BudMan has defeated an exhausted Lord Roderick, and Bjorn "the Sweedish
    Pretzel" has defeated Mr. B!  Joining me at ringside is Rusty Nose."

Rusty: "That's right, Winfred, and we're gonna see two of the Four Corners
    go at it live and in cullah for the US ti-tal."

----- The WeWF Main Event -----

Vague: "The two wrestlers are coming to the ring together, and with Smooth!
    What do you make of that, Rusty?"

Rusty: "I think this match might be fixed!  Smooth has something planned!"

Vague: "It's pro wrestling, Rusty, of course the match is fixed!"

Rusty: "Oh.  They've locked up, and Bjorn puts a top wristlock on BudMan."

Vague: "A headbutt by BudMan!  What resourcefulness!"

Rusty: "That broke the hold, if you weeeel."

Vague: "BudMan unloading on Bjorn!  Body slam!  Falling headbutt!"

Rusty: "BudMan is using that thick head of his to his advantage.  Another
    headbutt!"

Vague: "But Bjorn rolls out of the way rubs BudMan's face into the mat!  He
    is climbing the ropes!  Flying double axehandle!"

Rusty: "Bjorn goes off the ropes, but is shoulderblocked by BudMan!"

Vague: "BudMan suplexes Bjorn!  Nice hang time!  He's going for another, but
    Bjorn blocks it!"

Rusty: "Bjorn applies the patented Rusty Nose cradle suplex!"

Vague: "A very good amateur wrestling move, but the BudMan kicks out.  Bjorn
    drops a knee to BudMan's knee, and he's going for the Sweedish Pretzel!"

Rusty: "He's locked it in, if you will, and BudMan submits."

Vague: "Your winner, and new US Champion, Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel"!"

Wince: "Bjorn beats BudMan in this week's Main Event match!  I guess it was
    the lesser of two evils, having Bjorn win."

Robby: "I told you so!  I told you so!"

Baboon: "I've never seen either of those wrestlers fight so cleanly!"

Robby: "Yeah, what's wrong with them?"

Wince: "For the next WeWF Summer Report, scheduled for Wednesday, there
    will be three title matches: "Irish" Mike Flint vs. BudMan, Bjorn "the
    Sweedish Pretzel" vs. The General, and The Law vs. The Hoosiers!"

Baboon: "But before we go, some very special guests are joining me live,
    the General and the Hoosiers!"

Robby: "What?  I've gotta get outta here!"

Baboon: "There goes Robby the Lame!  I've never seen him move so fast in his
    life!  Welcome guys!  General, I've got to hand it to you, this has been
    a very hectic time for you."

General: "You're right Babbon.  I won the title for a record tying 3rd time,
    only to lose it a week later in a match against the Big Kahuna.  I'd
    challenge him to get it back, but he's lost it too.  It's getting hard to
    follow who's champion."

Baboon: "I do have to give credit to your boys, they did a heck of a job
    pounding on the Siamese twins.  You drove them from the federation!"

General: "That's right Baboon.  They're too busy learning the language after
    their humiliating defeat to come and compete.  I said that I'd take care of
    business, and I did."

Baboon: "What do you see as being your goals over the summer?"

General: "Well, I'm going to start the road back up to the top in the individual
    level.  Soon I'll be going after the US and world title belts.  I'd also
    like to see my boys get some experience over their summer vacation and
    make..."

Robby: "OK General, you think you're so tough?  You socked me once during an
    interview segment, but it wasn't on camera.  Well here I have the master
    copy of the videotape of your thug <Robby spits at Erik> clotheslining me
    when I was giving a nice, peaceful interview with Nippon Corp.  There's
    nothing you can do!  Come on, hit me!  I'll sue you!"

Erik: "General, look out, it's the Four Corners!"

Robby: "There's no Four....  OOOOuch!!!"

Baboon: "Did you see anything General?"

General: "Nope, did you see anything Erik?"

Erik: "Nope, did you see anything Daemon?"

Daemon: "Nope, did you see anything Baboon?"

Baboon: "Nope.  Must have been the Four Corners!  I'll get to the bottom
    of this.  This is Baboon Tempest closing it out with the General and
    the Hoosiers!"

WeWF World Champion: "Irish" Mike Flint (1-0)    8 REP

US Champion: Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" (6-0) 36 REP

Tag Team Champions: The Law (0-0)                0 REP

1. The General (3-1)                           19 REP
 2. BudMan (3-1)                                17 REP
 3. Frank Steel (2-1)                           10 REP
 4. Mr. B (2-1)                                 10 REP
 5. The Plaid Powerhouse (2-1)                  10 REP
 6. The Big Kahuna (2-1)                         5 REP
 7. Juggernaut (1-1)                             0 REP
 8. Tom "the Animal" Brown (1-1)                 0 REP
 9. The Wizard (1-1)                             0 REP
10. The Masked Terror (0-0)                      0 REP
11. The Tholian Black Widow (0-0)                0 REP
12. Lord Roderick (2-2)                         -3 REP
13. Black Tiger (0-1)                           -3 REP
14. DiMadMan (0-1)                              -5 REP
15. The Killer Whale (0-1)                      -5 REP
16. The Heavy Metal Kid (0-1)                   -5 REP
17. The Neutralizer (0-1)                       -6 REP
18. The Crusher (0-1)                           -7 REP
19. Mr. Roddy (0-2)                            -10 REP
20. Razor (0-2)                                -10 REP
21. The Secret Agent Man (0-2)                 -11 REP
22. The Romulan Mauler (0-2)                   -17 REP

Tag Teams:

1. The Hoosiers                                 9 REP
 2. RnR (1-0)                                    8 REP
 3. Flint and Steel (1-0)                        8 REP
 4. Oroboros (0-0)                               0 REP
 5. The BattleCruisers (0-0)                     0 REP
 6. The Highlanders (0-0)                        0 REP
 7. The Maniacs (0-0)                            0 REP
 8. The 007 Special (0-0)                        0 REP
 9. The Dynamic Machine (0-1)                   -5 REP
10. The Intoxicators (0-1)                      -5 REP
11. To-be-named-later (0-1)                     -5 REP

Commisioner's Notes

Not everybody participated (in fact, almost nobody), so I didn't apply the
penalty of -2 REP for non-participation.  I'm still waiting for a few of
you to send moves for your wrestlers and the extra two moves for your tag teams.
Only the top four teams have sent me four tag moves!

If you're really worried about how your wrestlers are doing, you may change
their moves once this month.  However, I won't be sending out points, you'll
just have to guess based on their performance.

Note to "Irish" Mike Flint, BudMan, Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel", the General,
the Law, and the Hoosiers: these wrestlers may not sign matches for the next
turn, they will be in title matches.

I'm going out of town on the 16th, so I would like to squeeze in one more
Report this week, hopefully Wednesday.  My account will still be here when
I'm gone, so you will have plenty of time to send me matches for the turn coming
up around the 30th.

Several managers have asked about sending comments for the E-Wrestling Summit,
so I will begin putting out an irregular bulletin with Summit news on Friday.
If you want to comment on your Summit matches or challenge for some other
matches, this will be the place to do it.

Let me know what you thought about the new format, and please send your moves,
matches, and comments by Wednesday!

Thanks for listening,
    Aidan Palmer