WeWF Report #22

From: arxt@quads.uchicago.edu (Aidan Palmer)

Date: Mon, 27 May 1991 00:23:24 +0000

WeWF Report #22			5/26/91

World Belt Changes Hands 3 Times; "Irish" Mike Flint New Champ!

The World Title changed hands three times this week, finally ending up in
the hands of "Irish" Mike Flint!  The Big Kahuna defeated the General to
win the title, but then lost it to Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel".  "Irish"
Mike Flint then beat Bjorn to win the WeWF World Championship!  This is
the second time he has held the belt.

A Week of Upsets; Belts Switch Rapidly!

In addition to the World Title changes, just about every belt changed hands
this week!  The Down-Under Decking Crew beat Apocalypse Now for the Six-Man
Titles, the Law regained the Tag Team Titles from the Highlanders, and the
Millionaire won the Eurasia Title from BudMan!

Supercard News!

Several matches have been signed for the May Supercard, which will take
place this Tuesday: Capital Punishment (The Law and the Grim Reaper) vs.
The Three Man Wrecking Crew (The Maniacs and the Crusher), Flint and Steel
vs. the Exterminators in a Steel Cage match, The 007 Special vs. the
Intoxicators, and the Hoosiers vs. the Siamese Twins.  Several other
challenges have yet to be sent out.

Special Event in June!

The WeWF and the PWGeA are planning a Summit of E-Wrestling with inter-league
matches for late June!  WeWF managers, the PWGeA Reports are in rec.games.pbm,
read them there and start thinking of possible matches!

WeWF Summer League

Due to the end of the academic year, many managers are leaving the WeWF.  To
keep the league going I have decided to downsize it.  More information on
the Summer League will be coming soon.  The WeWF's regular league will go
into limbo after the Supercard until September.

Changes in This Week's Report

I put the comments in front of the matches this time, and because the WeWF
Rankings won't be needed until September, I haven't done them yet.  When I
do decide to do them, I will remember to put the 007 Special in the rankings,
I have been forgetting them every week.

Comments:

Cut to Dr Down-Under and the entire Down-Under Decking Crew -

Dr Down-Under: "Well I guess the recent Battle Royal showed us who the Four
Morons are REALLY afraid of! It took all four of those pitiful losers to oust
the 007 Special, and they nearly didn't make it! They knew that Mr B and "The
Animal" were the biggest danger to their plans and so they went for them
straight away...but didn't they run when the match was over and there were no
referess to protect them from the awesome fury of the 007 Special in full
flight! I hereby serve notice on Smooth and his pathetic boneheads...THE
DOWN-UNDER DECKING CREW IS GOING TO DRIVE YOU OUT OF THE WeWF - FOR GOOD!!"

Mr B: "There's been a lot of talk about how "The Animal" and I ran in to "save"
R'n'R at Smooth's battle royal. Well listen up, 'cause I'm going to set the
record straight! Everyone knows that I hate Mr Roddy and that he hates me. I
know he's not gonna drop me a line to say 'thanks for all the help, B', and he
knows I not gonna be shedding any tears over that.
BUT- I have respect for Mr Roddy as an enemy - I've been on the receiving end ofenough of his punishment to know that he's tough. Hell, he even sent me on a
five week vacation! The Four Boners on the other hand are snivelling crybabys,
who couldn't face down my old grandfather unaided. R'n'R deserved to win - they
stuck it out in the centre, took the punishment, perservered, and TRIUMPHED.
They were entitled to congratulations, not attacks from a bunch of effeminate
*ss-wipes whose cheating plans had backfired on them!! Where I come from,
cheating like that is JUST NOT ON, and the 007 Special were there to see justicedone!!

I would have gladly kicked Roddy's butt till his nose bled if we were the last
left out there...but the B won't stand by any longer and see the Four Boners
treat the WeWF like they own the place!!

So.. Intoxicators, Highlanders, Apocalypse Now, Four Corners.. a hard rain's
fall, and I suggest you take shelter SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN THE WeWF!!!"

"Crusher" Cootus: "So Crusher, you think that you made some big point at the
Supercard by taking out Corey. Well sucker, you just made the job easier for me.Now there's one less obstacle for my to batter down and destroy on my way to
being recognised as the ONE TRUE "CRUSHER" in the WeWF!! Why don't you come
calling on me sometime soon?? I suggest you get to work now dreaming up aliases
!!!

Camera fades in on General:

"I'd like to set the record straight on a couple things...
 First of all, yes, my wrestlers, the Hoosiers, are set
 to compete in the Team Challenge Series on the side of
 Flint and Steel.  That means I respect them as a team.
 Nevertheless, I still have no respect for that manager
 of theirs that looks lost on the way to a cueball convention.
 Maybe she'd be best transplanting some of that hair to
 from her back...
 Next, Four Corners, you guys see that someone has found
 your number.  You're nothing but an over-rated group
 of goons.  Once I'm done dealing with the Japs, you
 guys are next.
 Lastly, the upcoming supercard.  It seems that Mitsubishi
 and Sushi Sashami are nowhere to be found.  With that in
 mind, I challenge Yin and Yang to a tag team matchup against
 the Hoosiers with a "Loser learns the language" stipulation.
 On top of that, I'd like to say that I'm open for any
 challenges on the upcoming Supercard!  Get with it punks,
 we've got an upcoming mega-event, and nobody wants in on it!"

Camera fades out

The gorgeous Val Lee stands beside the Americas Champ, T.B. Kahuna as the sounds
of the beach can be heard in the background.

Val: 'Well like TB, I guess we showed those maxie zoom dweebie Re-Animator who's
         king of the surf, DUDE!'
TB : 'That's right dudette, and Malibu showed the rest f those losers that ya ca
         n't keep a good surfer down.  Re-Animator, you and the rest of your
      local friends had better take the message and scram dude.  You may not
      get so lucky to walk away next time.
Val:  'Yeah, like you tell 'im TB.  And I like have just one more thing to say
       ok?'
(pause)
TB : 'Well like what is it dudette?'
Val: 'Uh, like I forgot....'
TB : 'well like Surf's Up, Hang Loose and..'
Val : 'Kowabunga dudes and dudettes!'

Judges Dredd and Anderson stand before the spinning globe once again.  The
ominous Grim Reaper towers behind it casting a shadow over the globe.

Dredd: 'Simon Bolendorf, You and your puny compendium of wrestling trash have
        corrupted this federation for too long.  '
Anderson: 'You cheat and still can not win.  Then you made a Fateful decison.
           You interfered with the Tag Team Battle Royal and got us eliminated.'
   Dredd: 'Well Bolendorf, Maniacs, and whatever your name is. The jury of the
        people has come to a verdict. And we're here to enforce it.'
Anderson : 'They declare you guilty and we sentence you to death.  Unless you
         are completely spineless, then accept this challenge for the Supercard'
   Dredd: 'The Law and The Grim Reaper vs Bolendorf's Trash in a sixman
         ironcage'
Anderson: 'No Retreat. No Surrender.'

(The Grim Reaper steps into the Light)
Reaper: 'We WILL bury you.'

Sneak Attacks:

Mr. B was disqualified in his title match against BudMan when the referee saw
him hit BudMan with a full, unopened can of Fosters.

Mr. Roddy tried to hit Bjorn with a foreign object in their match, but the
referee stopped him.

During Tom Brown's matchup with Africa/Australia champ Bjorn, "Crusher" Cootus
distracted the referee while "The Animal" pulled an international object out of
his trunks!  Bjorn also produced an international object, and the two wrestlers
bashed each other.  Both wrestlers were dazed, and "The Animal" covered Bjorn
for the pin, and the referee turned around to make the three count, but DQ'd
"The Animal" when he saw an international object lying in the ring.

The 007 Special have been attending all of the Intoxicator's bouts recently. At
a recent card, they attacked after the bell. Tom "The Animal" Brown grabbed
DiMadman's legs from outside the ring and pulled backward, crotching the former
World Champion severely on the ringpost. Meanwhile, Mr B leapt up onto the apronand smashed a bottle of Victoria Bitter (a popular Australian beer) across
BudMan's face!!!!! Both of the Intoxicator's were, reportedly, very shaken by
the violent attack.

The Crusher recently paid the penalty for illegitimately stealing the moniker of"Crusher" Cootus. Cootus rang down to ringside at a recent match involving the
Crusher and taunted him viciously. The Crusher jumped out to meet Cootus and
during the ensuing brawl, was counted out! When the Crusher turned to protest to the referee, Cootus grabbed him from behind and slammed his head repeatedly intothe steel ringpost, before dragging his victim up onto the ring apron and
delivering a piledriver from there onto the concrete floor!! The Crusher
reportedly had to be hospitalised after the attack, but no "concrete" details
are available at this time.

After the Siamese Twins finished their match with Flint and Steel,
Daemon and Erik appeared at ringside.  While Yin (or was it Yang?) was
in the ring, Erik powerslammed Yang on the concrete.  As the ref tried
to escort Erik from ringside, Daemon came in and DDT'd Yin.

Flint and Steel then put their finisher on Yin, and pinned him.  They seemed
to be upset that the Hoosiers had interfered in their match.

After the match was over, the General came to ringside, and started
taunting the twins.  As the rushed to attack him, Daemon and Erik
grabbed them from behind and belly-to-back suplexed both of them.
The three of them then proceeded to pound the downed wrestlers with
chairs, tables, microphones, and even the kitchen sink.  After the
melee ended, they left a contract and pen on the unconscious bodies.
When the twins finally woke up, they saw the contract, and signed it
in anger.

Matches This Week

World Title:

DiMadMan beat the General by DQ.
The Big Kahuna survived the General.
The Big Kahuna survived BudMan.
Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" survived the Big Kahuna.
"Irish" Mike Flint barely pinned Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel".

Tag Team Title:

The Highlanders barely pinned the 007 Special.
The Law barely pinned the Highlanders.

Continental Titles:

The Big Kahuna pinned the Plaid Powerhouse.
The Re-Animator beat the Big Kahuna by DQ.
The Big Kahuna survived DiMadMan.

BudMan beat Mr. B. by DQ.
The Flying Dutchman beat BudMan by DQ.
The Millionaire survived BudMan.

Tom "the Animal" Brown beat Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" by DQ.
Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" beat the Grim Reaper.
Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" barely pinned Mr. Roddy.

Individual Matches:

The Crusher survived "Crusher" Cootus.
Black Tiger barely pinned Lord Roderick.
Black Tiger beat Sasquatch.
Black Tiger beat the Grim Reaper.
Albert Turing barely pinned Black Tiger.
Black Tiger barely pinned Ahpook the Destroyer.
The Plaid Powerhouse pinned Slimm.
The Plaid Powerhouse barely pinned Johann 'Great Dane' Svenson.
The Plaid Powerhouse beat Val Amorr.
The Plaid Powerhouse dominated Lar Gand.
Wizard pinned Mr. B.
Wizard barely pinned the Millionaire.
Wizard destroyed Thanos.
Master barely pinned Grunk the Barbarian.
Master beat Slimm.
Sour Krout dominated the Grim Reaper.
Master beat the Grim Reaper.
Grunk the Barbarian barely pinned the Grim Reaper.
Galactus survived Erik.
Erik survived Sasquatch.
The Secret Agent Man survived Daemon.
Daemon pinned the Grim Reaper.
"Irish" Mike Flint annihilated Yin.
Frank Steel annihilated Yang.
Mr. Roddy barely pinned the Savage.
The Flying Dutchman pinned the General.
The Flying Dutchman barely pinned Mr. Roddy.
The Flying Dutchman beat Max Altitude.
The Flying Dutchman beat Khan Noonian Singh.
The Dutch Hooligan barely pinned Venom.
The Savage survived the Dutch Hooligan.
The Dutch Hooligan barely pinned Max Altitude.
The Hit 'N' Run Rabbi barely pinned the Dutch Hooligan.
Mr. Roddy barely pinned the Dutch Hooligan.
The Secret Agent Man pinned Action Man.
The Secret Agent Man pinned Khan Noonian Singh.
The Secret Agent Man dominated Darkseid the Destroyer.
The Secret Agent Man barely pinned Grunk the Barbarian.
Master survived the Secret Agent Man.
Mr. Roddy survived DiMadMan (1st Match).
Mr. Roddy and the Secret Agent Man fought to a time-limit draw.
Lord Roderick barely pinned the Plaid Powerhouse.
The Re-Animator barely pinned Mr. Roddy.
Sour Krout destroyed Slimm.
Sour Krout pinned the Secret Agent Man.
Sour Krout annihilated Yin.
Mr. Roddy survived DiMadMan (2nd Match).
Lord Roderick survived DiMadMan.

Tag Team Matches:

Flint and Steel annihilated the Siamese Twins.
The Bruise Brothers dominated the Hoosiers.
The Law barely pinned the Exterminators.
The Exterminators barely pinned RnR.
The Steel Monkeys dominated the Intoxicators.
The Steel Monkeys dominated the Exterminators.
Flint and Steel barely pinned the Intoxicators.
The Intoxicators pinned the 007 Special.
The Steel Monkeys destroyed the Maniacs.
The Maniacs survived RnR.
The Maniacs survived Fire and Ice.
The Maniacs destroyed the Siamese Twins.

Six Man Matches:

The Down-Under Decking Crew survived Apocalypse Now.
The Bermuda Triangle survived the Three Man Wrecking Crew.