PWGeA SUPERCARD!

From: laramee@IRO.UMontreal.CA (Dominic Laramee)

Date: Sun, 19 May 1991 00:59:35 +0000

PWGeA SuperCard
	----- ---------

"Night of the Survivors", live from Wembley Stadium in London, England

(Magilla is wearing a tux; Jimmy has a flashing silver tux coat over his
wrestling trunks)

(The SuperCard has been moved to Wembley to accomodate MORE fans, not
because the sales were too low like for some other federations! :-)

Magilla: "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the very first
	PWGeA Supercard! I am Magilla Mongoose, welcoming you to the Wembley
	Stadium, where in front of a capacity crowd of 85,000 screaming
	Sledgemaniacs, the stars of the PWGeA will be flying high! And speaking
	of people who will be flying, and not necessarily of their own mind,
	here is our color commentator, Glamourous Jimmy Vendetta!"

Jimmy: "Always a smartass, huh? Wait till you see me and the Shadow Assassins
	sweep the Black Cockroach and his wimpy partners; I'll be the one
	to laughing!"

Magilla: "We have a spectacular card for you tonight, starting with three
	six-man, elimination tag-team matches. We already know what you think
	of your match, Jimmy; how about the others? Any enlightening
	predictions for us, mere mortals?"

Jimmy: "The Jungle are a good team, but they are facing the tag-team
	champions of the world, so I'll give the nod to the Allied Forces,
	even if Glasnost is a twit. The other match is much closer: Sargent
	Hammer is better than teh Black Knight right now, and Brewster Cogburn
	and Cowboy Kevin Puckett are about evenly matched, but Baron Von
	Klaw is a much more resourceful individual than Bobby Windsor, so
	his team will win it."

Magilla: ""Resourceful"? Gimme a break! Now, tonight, we also have the
	Battle of the Beasts between Plague Dog and the Wolfman, and the
	PWGeA debut of the spectacular tag-team of Sword and Shield, who
	will face Death and Destruction."

Jimmy: "Easy victory for the Dog; Wolfman could not even beat the Black
	Cockroach, let alone a real athlete. And Death and Destruction
	are simply too powerful for Angus Campbell and Jake Shield."

Magilla: "And what do you think of that bizarre handicap match, Lanny the
	Loser Horowitz against Club Anarchy?"

Jimmy: "My pals of the Club will finally win one, and poor lil' Lanny will
	get out on a stretcher again..."

Magilla: "We also have a special tag-team match, which has not yet been
	announced! The participants will be confirmed mere minutes before
	the match, so stay tune! For now, let's go to ringside!"

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Coward: "Ladies and Gentlemen, our first match tonight is a singles bout,
	scheduled for one fall! Coming down the aisle.... (A hairy mass of
	leather, carrying a bone and covered with filth, walks to the ring)
	From Jasper, Alberta, Canada... Weighing 242 pounds... The Wolfman!
	(Mild boos; nobody really cares)... His Opponent.... (LOUD BOOS)
	From London, England (shame on you), weighing 245 pounds, Plague Dog!"

Magilla: "This is the Battle of the Beasts, and it is one of only two matches
	that we will hold tonight and that will count towards the ratings!"

Jimmy: "The PWGeA President has decided that handicap matches and Survivor
	Series matches could not very well translate into Singles and
	tag-team Hype."

Magilla: "Indeed! The match is underway, and Wolman jumps his opponent at
	the ringing of the bell! Wolfman rakes Plague Dog's face! Back Rake!
	Punch! But Plague Dog picks him up for a body slam!"

Jimmy: "Two very similar wrestlers: not much respect for the rulebook, same
	weight, same height. Only one of them has talent, however."

Magilla: "Plague Dog sends Wolfman in the air with a back body drop, and
	chokes him! But Wolfman is a crafty veteran, and breaks the hold
	with a thumb to the throat! Wolfman grabs a handful of hair... lifts
	his opponent in the air and slams him by the hair! OOH! That must
	hurt! Wolfman biting Plague Dog on the forehead! The Dog is helpless!
	Wolfman going for his finisher, the Temple Grinder! NO! Plague Dog
	crawled away!"

Jimmy: "It could have been the match, right there!"

Magilla: "Plague Dog has regrouped, and locks the Wolfman in a bearhug...
	Body Slam! A headlock, and another body slam! Plague Dog, in complete
	control, picks up the Wolfman, who counters him with a face rake!
	Wolfman going for the Grinder again! He has it! Can the Plague Dog
	reach the ropes to force the ref to break the hold... YES! And the
	Plague Dog Howls!"

Jimmy: "This usually means bad news for the Dog's opponent!"

Magilla: "Wolfman, on his knees, begging for mercy, but he won't get any!
	Plague Dog lifts him... and locks him in the Torture Rack! It's over!
	NO! Wolfman caught the ropes!"

Jimmy: "Each of the wrestlers has already  evaded his opponent's favourite
	move!"

Magilla: "Plague Dog looks shocked! Wolfman kicks him in the stomach, and
	leaves the ring to crawl under it! Meanwhile, the Dog is arguing
	with the referee... Wolfman climbing back into the ring from behind,
	and he has his bone concealed! He shoves the Dog in the ropes...
	BANG! A big bone right on the back of the head! And the referee
	did not see it! Wolfman throws the bone in the crowd, to one of
	Club Anarchy's freaks, and covers! One! Two! Three! He won it!"

Coward: "The winner of this bout, in 6:42... WOLFMAN!"

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Magilla: "What a match, and it was only the first of seven! And now, it's
	time for our first Elimination match!"

Jimmy: "Black Knight, in shining armor, is walking to the ring along with
	Jack Moran and Brewster Cogburn! My personal favourite, the PWGeA
	All-Jobber champion, Baron Von Klaw, is following with his personal
	stormtroopers!"

Magilla: "And now, as We Are The World blasts out of the speakers, The
	Cavalier Bobby Windsor walks to the ring and distributes leaflets to
	the fans; usually, they portrait him in a tough pose, and missing
	children's pictures are printed on teh back."

Jimmy: "Windsor is still wearing his lame gold trunks, and his teammates
	are not even walking to the ring with him! Talk about team spirit!"

Magilla: "The Cowboy, Kevin Puckett is dancing his way to the ring as usual!
	He has the biggest round of applause so far tonight!"

Jimmy: "Yeah, big deal! The only other fan favourite who has appeared
	already is Windsor, and even the fans think he is boring!"

Magilla: "And now, Sargent Sledge Hammer walks in to the Marine Corps hymn!
	The teams are complete, and the match can begin! But the Sarge grabs
	the mike!"

Sledge: "Now, you will see the three finest wrestlers int he PWGeA destroy
	some of the trash! And you punks better be ready to sweat, because
	you are going to hit the mat hard and often!" (gives the mike to Coward)

Coward: "Our next contest is a six-man, elimination tag-team match! Introducing
	first to my left, the team managed by Jack Moran, the man with the
	Plan (BOOOOOOOOS).... At a total combined weight of 778 pounds...
	Black Knight, Baron Von Klaw and Brewster Cogburn!....( BOOOOOO).
	Their opponents, weighing a total 665 pounds, are Bobby Windsor,
	Cowboy Kevin Puckett, and the World's Heavyweight champion,
	Sargent Sledge Hammer! (CHEEEEEEEERS!)"

Magilla: "Bobby Windsor will start the match against Black Knight! They lock up,
	and shove each other around without either one of them gaining an
	advantage, but Windsor quickly moves in with his Crane Fist Strike!
	Nerve Strike! And teh Flying Dragon Death kick! Black Knight is
	reeling... Windsor lifts him on his shoulders for an airplane spin,
	and tags out to Sledge HAmmer!"

Jimmy: "Impressive start by Windsor, and now the World champ comes in with
	a big advantage..."

Magilla: "Black Knight of the ropes... caught with a mule kick by the champ!
	Sledge Hammer pushes his opponent back into the corner, and hits
	him with a big chop! Side Kick! Sledge off the ropes... Flying
	spin kick, and the Knight is on the ground, motionless! Sargent
	Sledge tags out to the Cowboy!"

Jimmy: "Black Knight looks like he did when he was in teh WWF right now!"

Magilla: "Cowboy Kevin lifts the Knight, and hits him with a left hook!
	Cowboy throws his opponent into the ropes... SuperKick! Black
	Knight is on the ground, and Cowboy signals for the spinning
	toehold! He locks it! Jack Moran tries to climb into the ring, but
	to no avail! Black Knight submits!"

Jimmy: "I can't believe this! Black Knight eliminated after 3:51, and he
	had no offense whatsoever!"

Magilla: "Cowboy Kevin will start the second fall against Brewster Cogburn...
	Kevin tries to come in quickly with another SuperKick, but Cogburn
	simply tosses him over his head and into the buckle!"

Jimmy: "You can't try to brawl with Brewster. That stupid Cowboy will never
	learn!"

Magilla: "Brewster Cogburn bashes Cowboy Kevin with the Laredo Lariat! He
	picks him back up, throws him into the ropes... COwboy Kevin
	leapfrogs over him, and tries to lift him up for a body slam, but
	Cogburn is quicker and knocks him down with the haymaker! Kevin is
	in trouble, and Brewster tosses him out of the ring!"

Jimmy: "This is where Brewster is most dangerous; Cowboy Puke-ett will
	take a beating!"

Magilla: "Another Haymaker! Brewster picking Puckett... Smashes his head
	into teh ringpost, and WHAM! INTO OUR TABLE! PUCKETT IS JUICING
	HEAVILY! Brewster is back in the ring, but it looks like Kevin
	won't be able to follow! That's it! He is counted out, at 6:34!"

Jimmy: "And now, the odds are evened!"

Magilla: "Third fall is Brewster and Windsor... Windsor attacks quickly
	with a Nerve Strike! Another one! Flying Dragon kick! Crane fist
	strike! Again! MAN, is he fast! He tags out to Sargent Hammer!"

Jimmy: "Windsor looks good, but he runs out of steam faster that the
	Ultimate Roider!"

Magilla: "Sledge goes for a side kick, but Brewster blocks it! Lariat!
	Brewster throws the World Champion through the ropes, and wants
	to take it to the floor again! Knee lift by Cogburn! BANG! INTO
	OUR TABLE AGAIN! SOMEBODY STOP THAT MAN!"

Jimmy: "Maybe he just wants to show you your heroes up close, so that you can
	smell their breaths."

Magilla: "Oh, PUH-LEASE! Brewster whips Sargent Sledge into the ringpost...
	NO! Sarge blocked it, and sent Brewster flying into the post head
	first with a beautiful shoulder throw! This time, it's Cogburn
	who won't get back in, despite Jack Moran's mad gestures! COgburn
	is counted out, at 8:37!"

Jimmy: "NOw, it's Baron Von Klaw against his No.1 Contender for the
	Junior Heavyweight belt and the World Champ! Yikes!"

Magilla: "You won't catch ME crying over Von Klaw's misfortunes! Anyway,
	Von Klaw at least has the advantage of being fresh, while his
	opponents have already had to work... Sledge throws Von Klaw into
	the ropes... Leapfrog! Von Klaw whips the World champ in the
	ropes himself, AND PULLS SOMETHING OUT OF HIS TRUNKS! HE HITS
	SLEDGE SQUARELY ON THE HEAD WITH IT, AND THE REFEREE SAW NONE OF IT!"

Jimmy: "Who said Baron Von Klaw was alone? He had his International
	Ambassador of Goodwill with him!"

Magilla: "Sledge Hammer is bleeding! Von Klaw takes the opportunity, and
	damages him some more! Punch to the forehead! Kick to the head!
	Thumb in the throat! Sledge is down, and Von Klaw slaps the
	Klaw Hold on him! Can Sarge escape... YES! He tagged out to
	Bobby Windsor!"

Jimmy: "Lucky bastard!"

Magilla: "Windsor comes in like ahouse on fire and levels the Baron with
	another of his Flying Dragon Death Kicks! He picks him up... Von
	Klaw whips him to the ropes... Hits him with a thumb to the throat!
	(BOOOOOOO!) Baron choking Windsor, slams him to the mat! He picks
	him up by the hair, laughing maniacally! Jack Moran is pleased!
	Von Klaw choking Windsor on the top rope! The referee makes him
	break the hold, but he starts again! And he tosses Windsor out
	of the ring, to thunderous jeers! Windsor climbs in painfully...
	and meets the Klaw! Baron takes him to the ground and nails his
	shoulders to the mat! One! Two! Three! Windsor is eliminated, at
	the 14:01 mark!"

Jimmy: "And the final fall is going to be Champion vs Champion; only Sargent
	Sledge Hammer is injured, and Baron Von Klaw may yet pull the upset
	of the year!"

Magilla: "Yeah, what a great victory that would be! Sargent Sledge Hammer
	painfully climbing in the ring... Throws a punch at Von Klaw, who
	dodges easily! Another dodged right hand! Von Klaw pushes the
	world champion in the ropes... Slaps the Klaw on him! Sledge is
	on the ground, and he is not moving! The referee stops the match!"

Jimmy: "HE DID IT! BARON VON KLAW PINNED THE CHAMPION, AT 14:27!"

Magilla: "Von Klaw is not letting go! The referee tries to take him away
	from Sledge Hammer, but he tosses him into a cane whop by Jack Moran!
	Here come wrestlers to take him away; Baron Von Klaw retreats
	to the dressing room, victorious, escorted by his stormtroopers!"

Jimmy: "Baron Von Klaw, next world champion!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Magilla: "And before our next match, let's hear from Jimmy Vendetta's
	buddies, the Shadow Assassins!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Johnny V: "The Black Widow has some partners!  But we still don't know who they
are!  Well guess what?  We don't care who they are!  I will break your necks!"

Ricky D: "Some people think Jimmy Vendetta will be a detriment.  They're wrong!
Black Widow, it's a good thing you're wearing black, because we will BURY you!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Magilla: "Pretty strong words for a tag-team with a losing record!"

Jimmy: "Yeah, but don't forget that Rick Dangerous is the North American
	champion, and that the Cockroach is just a FORMER champion...
	HAHAHAHA!"

Magilla: "Anyway, our next match is pretty bizarre: a handicap, brass
	knuckles match!"

Jimmy: 'That's right, and the brass knuckles will be hidden inside a doll
	filled with Cherry Jello! This match, obviously an invention of
	Captain Necropolis's (who else?), is called A Modest Proposal."

Magilla: "Let's see what Club Anarchy has to say concerning the match!"

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Captain Necropolis: I've been truly impressed at the capacity of members of
this wrestling federation to inflict truly violent acts upon the persons of
myself and Doctor Lethe.

Dr. Lethe:  Hee Hee, dat's mychelf!

Captain Necropolis:  However, I learned that we were not as able to provide
such mighty licks as the likes of the Russians or the Masked Missles,
although we were strong enough to stand against them.  The Doctor and I
have been training hard to improve our offense and increase our damage
waging potential.  I've lost 10 pounds and learned a lot about real combat.
We're going to show our new look to Lanny today.  He's going to stand for
the Middle Class everyman of today's America, and we as artists, will show
that man how he is wasting his children, and how that will destroy him in
the long run.

Dr. Lethe:  I having vritten a poem-tune vor the "Loser" Lanny, who I
likes.  For him chit iz!  Captain vill reciting be.

Captain Necropolis: 			Lying in a pool of BLOOD.
					happy to be a MAN
					I know this is the way to LIVE
					It is good to hurt one's
					fellow man, it is god's
					express wish for all of us.

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Magilla: "What disgusting characters!"

Jimmy: "Whaddyamean, disgusting? Hey, they sent me the nicest of good luck
	cards for my match; a wall-sized Jackson Pollack, with their best
	wishes spray-painted all over it!"

MAgilla: "You are just as sick as they are... Here thery come down the aisle...
	And Silvah Hypocrisy is coming here... Huh, miss... what are you
	doing? ... HEY GET OFF M......."

(Silvah plants a BIG kiss on Magilla's mouth and leaves, after biting his
	lips of course!)

Magilla: "Savages, and sex maniacs! Look at Club Anarchy, walking to the ring
	with those baby masks, to the sound of 'Everybody wants to be my baby'!
	And they are going to rip a baby apart!"

Jimmy: "Not a baby... Just a doll!"

Coward: "Our next contest is a handicap match! Already in the ring, with
	Silvah Hypocrisy (Boos from almost everybody; big cheers from a
	bunch of punks and skinheads in the front row)... At a total combined
	weight of 385 pounds... Captain Necropolis... Doctor Lethe....
	Club Anarchy!... And their opponent (most people leave their seats
	to go to the hot-dog stands)... From Nowhere in Particular,
	weighing a good, solid 180 pounds... Born Loser Lanny Horowitz!!!"

(The born loser tosses frisbees in the crowd and pats himself on the back.)

Magilla: "Necropolis will start against Lanny. The bell rings, and Lanny
	quickly goes for the dropkick, but Necropolis moves out of the way
	just in time, and Lanny flattens himself on the mat! Necropolis
	picks him up and slams his face into the floor! He tags to Dr. Lethe,
	whips Lanny to the ropes... Double clothesline! Dr. Lethe kicks
	Lanny! Another Kick! And the Spinning Kick Of Forgetfulness!"

Jimmy: "Yawn!"

Magilla: "Lethe tags out to Necropolis; Silvah, who is wearing a t-shirt
	with 'There's always room for Jell-O' on it... and ONLY that
	T-shirt, starts selling jello-vodka shots to her fans. Necropolis
	goes for the doll... Grabs it, and takes the brass knuckles, spilling
	Jello and doll parts all over the ring! Necropolis now has the
	brass knuckles on his right hand, and goes to punch Lanny! MISSED!
	Lanny off the ropes... Misses with the dropkick, as Necropolis
	gets down, and Lanny flies over the top rope and into Silvah's
	friends! Lanny is getting beat up by punks in the audience, and
	is counted out!"

Coward: "The winners... in 59 seconds... Club Anarchy!"

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Jimmy: "And once again, off goes Lanny on a stretcher..."

Magilla: "Indeed! We are told that it is now time for our Surprise
	Matchup; let's go to Gord-Yan Solo in the dressing room!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Gord-Yan is with a masked manager, a smallish man dressed like a matador,
and a big greaseball with a bull costume)

Gord-Yan: "Thank you Magilla! I'm with the newest tag-team in the PWGeA,
	El Cheapo and Dead Meat, collectively known as the Legion of
	Super Jobbers!"

El Cheapo Manager: "Not so! Only our enemies call us Jobbers! We are La
	Corrida! Nessst PWGeA Tag-team SSSampionnes!"

El Cheapo: "We are here to prove the superiority of Mexican precision over
	America!"

Dead Meat: "Mooooh!"

(Off they go to the ring!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Black Widow: "I can't believe this! The Legion of Super Jobbers??? Anyway,
	ladies and gentlemen, it is now time to introduce to you the man
	who guided me throughout my wrestling career, and who has agreed
	to be in my corner again tonight, my manager, Admiral Chekov!"

(The Admiral beams down.)

Admiral: "Black Widow, I don't really like seeing you taking risks with your
	health. You know that the doctors told you that you should not
	do this! But I could not let you fight this match alone, my friend!"

Black Widow: "Thank you for your help, Admiral. And now, why don't you
	introduce the two PWGA legends who are here tonight, for one night
	only, to face the Corrida, or the Legion of Super Jobbers, if you
	will!"

(Both beam to the ring)

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Magilla: "The Admiral is here tonight! That's great!"

Jimmy: "That's infuriating! I had enough trouble with the cockroach, I
	didn't need his little bugging manager putting his nose in my match!"

MAgilla: "Ah-AH! You do admit that the Black Widow will be a formidable
	opponent!... Let's hear Coward Pickle."

Coward: "This next contest is a special tag-team attraction, scheduled for
	one fall! Coming sown the aisle... with their manager, El Cheapo
	Manager... At a total combined weight of 439 pounds... El Cheapo,
	Dead Meat... La Corrida (or the Legion of Super Jobbers, if you will)
	[the crowd is amazed, and laughs a lot]. And to introduce their
	opponents... (The Black Widow and the Admiral materialize in the ring)
	Here is Admiral Chekov! (Standing Ovation)"

(Also Sprach Zarathustra thunders through the stadium)

Admiral: "At a total combined weight of 673 pounds, here are Klingon Disrupter
	and the Romulan Mauler... THE BATTLECRUISERS!"

(The BCs beam down to ringside to thunderous cheers; the Corrida, visibly
scared out of their minds, are beggind the ref for a timeout)

Magilla: "MY! The BattleCruisers are here tonight! WOW!"

Jimmy: "At least, now I know that THEY are not the Black Cockroach's secret
	partners!"

Magilla: "The match begins with Disrupter against El Cheapo! Disrupter
	overpowers the would-be matador, and smashes his head in the
	buckle, before Irish Whipping him to the opposite buckle!"

Jimmy: "A Matador, right? This guy looks like someone who could not even
	slay a bull if it was already presented to him in the form of
	well-done ground beef!"

Magilla: "I agree with you there! El Cheapo crawls into his corner to
	Disrupter's amused look, and tags to Dead Meat! Dead Meat shouts:
	'Mooooh!' and spits something white at Disrupter..."

Jimmy: "Probably Cow Brand!..."

Magilla: "...Missing him by a mile! Disrupter seizes his opponent by his...
	hum... horns, and delivers a Ridge Butt! Disrupter off the ropes...
	KLONG! A big roundhouse punch! Dead Meat runs for cover, but
	Disrupter catches him along the way, slams him ti the ground and
	stomps on him, before tagging out to the Romulan Mauler!"

Jimmy: "Listen to this crowd; they really love the PWGeA!"

Magilla: "Indeed!  Mauler whips Dead Meat to the ropes... Belly-to-belly Suplex!
	Dead Meat back on his feet... MOONWALKS to the opposite corner! Where
	does this guy come from?!? Dead meat is going for the top rope!
	The Romulan Mauler can't believe his eyes! Dead Meat, 5'3" and 285
	pounds, is going to Moonsault! OFF HE GOES...FLAT HE IS, having
	fallen flat on his face!"

Jimmy: "This is ridiculous, Mongoose! Most Midget matches are more serious
	than that!"

MAgilla: "Mauler on the second rope... Flying Axehandle to the Dead Meat's
	back! Mauler picks him up... Gutwrench suplex! Mauler picks off
	his opponent... lifts him high for a vertical suplex... No, it's
	a slingshot suplex! And a belly-to-back suplex!"

Jimmy: "This showboat wants us to know that he knows all sorts of suplexes!
	So what? I can beat him any day of the week with my figure-four!"

Magilla: "Neckbreaker by the Mauler! El Cheapo manager climbs the apron,
	but whacks his protege on the head with his rubber chicken! Mauler
	tags to Disrupter, who climbs the top rope and dives off it with
	the Klinshai Bombing, a flying headbutt! Dead Meat miraculously
	bounces into his corner, and tags to El Cheapo, who comes
	into the ring to suffer a Face Slam into the mat! Disrupter tags to
	the Mauler; El Cheapo crawls into his corner to tag out, but Dead
	Meat doesn't want to, and lets him fight alone! Mauler picks him
	up, hits Dead Meat in the head, and climbs the top rope to deliver
	the Plasma Torpedo, his top rope Power Bomb! BANG! It's over!
	One! Two! Three!"

Coward: "The winners, in 4:36, THE BATTLECRUISERS!!!"

(The BattleCruisers were here on a one-shot deal, but La Corrida will stay
around as a jobber-tag-team, managed by me. Feel free to challenge them if
you are in need of a few free Hype points!)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Magilla: "A great performance by The Battle Cruisers! Too bad they are not
	going to be around very long... It is now time to present the match
	between the Jungle and the Allied Forces; let's hear from both teams."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Of course...the Zookeeper is in the lead)

Zookeeper:  The allies have said that they are going to shoot down the Jungle
just like a Patriot shoots down a scud.  You are wrong...the Russians are
Intercontinental missiles....nuclear intercontinental missiles.  From them
there is no defense.  Your patriots are useless!  Same as the allies!

Panther: You not surive Jungle!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

(The Allies are in front of a platoon of MArines, waving flags)

Glasnost: "Zookeeper! You no touch my flag of my country!"

Tomahawk: "Jungle, be ready for the biggest Napalm bombs in the world, the
	Masked Missiles, World tag-team Champions!"

Patriot: "Jungle, the Allies will sweep you. Period."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Coward: "Our next contest is a special Flag match, and an elimination
	tag-team match as well! Introducing first... (Welcome to the
	Jungle by Guns N Roses blasts in the speakers) Led to the ring
	by The Zookeeper (BOOOOO)... At a total combined weight of
	630 pounds.... Here are The SpewMaster, Bear and Panther...
	THE JUNGLE (BOOOOOOOO).... And their opponents... Led towards the
	ring by the Martial Marshall... At a total combined weight of 964
	pounds... (Roar in the crowd)... Here are Sargent Glasnost and the
	World Tag-Team champions, Tomahawk and the Patriot, The Allied Forces!
	(Big cheers..."

Magilla: "It's gonna be SpewMaster against Glasnost right from the start,
	Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "Strange tactics; both teams are kicking off the match with their
	weakest member!"

Magilla: "The opponents lock up, shove each other around, and Glasnost
	catches teh Master off-guard with an arm drag and a quick rolling
	side suplex! Glasnost keeps it on the mat and applies the White
	Hand armlock!....SpewMaster gets to his feet... Glasnost releases
	the hold, but only to apply a double-underhook suplex! Glasnost
	tags out to Chief Tomahawk!"

Jimmy: "The Allies are taking the early lead, and the Zookeeper is not pleased!
	Look at him, shouting his lungs out at the SpewMaster!"

Magilla: "No time for dissention, here! Tomahawk off the ropes... Flying
	headbutt that sends SpewMaster reeling out of teh ring! The Zookeeper
	walks to the Master and throws him back in! Tomahawk meets his
	oponent with a punch to the face, and whips him to the ropes...
	Dropkick! Tomahawk tags back to Sargent Glasnost; the big Russian
	locks the chicken wing on the SpewMaster, and lifts him into
	a suplex!"

Jimmy: "LOOK OUT! SpewMaster just missed Glasnost with his green mist! This
	could be devastating for his teams morale!"

Magilla: "Indeed! Glasnost stomping on SpewMaster, locks him up in the
	Japanese Armlock! Both men are flying all over the place! HEY!
	The Zookeeper just hit Glasnost on the head with that chair, and
	SpewMaster covers; a kickout at one! Glasnost tags out to the Patriot!"

Jimmy: "Another mistake by the Jungle, who failed to capitalize on the
	Zookeeper's well placed cheap shot!"

Magilla: "Patriot body slams the SpewMaster; he runs into the ropes, jumps
	HIGH in the air and BANG! A splash on the SpewMaster! One! Two! AND
	Three!"

Jimmy: "A very weak performance on the part of the Spewmaster, who is eliminated
	at the 5:00 mark. Bear is stepping in to face Patriot in the next fall."

Magilla: "Bear poses for the crowd, who jeers abundanly, AND HE TRIES TO LIFT
	THE 473 POUND PATRIOT! Bear can't budge him, and he hurt his back!
	Patriot moves in and hits him with the big Atomic Girth Bump, and tags
	to Sargent Glasnost... Bear is on the ground, and Glasnost applies
	the Boston Crab on him!"

Jimmy: "Funny, isn't it? Two Russian wrestlers, and one is applying a hold
	named after an american city!"

Magilla: "And now it's the Camel CLutch! And a sitting arm wrencher!...
	Glasnost picks up Bear, whips him to the ropes... Side Suplex!
	Bear runs away on all four, and tags out to the Panther!"

Jimmy: "Bear and SpewMaster have been helpless so far; come on, Panther,
	give them all you got!"

Magilla: "Glasnost tags out to the Tomahawk... Tomahawk locks up with
	Panther, whips him to the ropes... Flying headbutt! Kick to the
	face!... And a whip to the buckle; Panther bounces over the top rope
	and lands neck first on the concrete!... Tomahawk going to the top
	rope... Knee drop on Panther! Tomahawk tosses Panther back into
	the ring and follows him in... OH-OH, Panther caught him off-guard
	and has him in a headlock, the type you use before the DDT... but
	Panther is wasting time... And Tomahawk backdrops him, and tags out
	to the Patriot!"

Jimmy: "Oh, no..."

Magilla: "OH YEAH! Patriot whips Panther intot he turnbuckle, slingshots
	Tomahawk into a splash, and follows with another corner splash!
	And a body slam! Patriot picks up Panther, pulls him into the Allied
	corner... Elbow smash to the back of the head, and a tag to Glasnost;
	they want him to score the kill!"

Jimmy: "Bad move! Patriot could have just sat on Panther and eliminated him;
	Glasnost is 230 pounds lighter, adn much easier to shake off!"

Magilla: "Glasnost going for the Japanese Armlock again, but Bear nails him
	from behind with his hammer! Bear picks up Glasnost... whips him
	to the ropes... Double Back Drop by the Russians! Panther goes back
	into his corner; there never was a legal tag!... Bear picks up Glasnost,
	shoves him into the ropes... PowerSlam! Bear tags out to Panther...
	HEY! WHAT IS THIS! THERE ARE TWO BEARS!"

Jimmy: "AND TWO GLASNOSTS!... HAHAHAHA! It's Club Anarchy! Captain Necropolis
	disguised himself as Bear, and Dr. Lethe as Sargent Glasnost!"

Magilla: "A full-scale barroom brawl erupts, with everybody beating on
	everybody, and Club Anarchy are causing total chaos!"

Jimmy: "Now, THAT is Anarchy!"

Magilla: "Club Anarchy decide to retreat, visibly pleased at themselves for
	disrupting this great match!... The bout resumes, and both Russians
	are in the ring with Glasnost; Bear whips him to the buckle, and
	Panther follows with the Russian Sickle! He covers: One, Two,
	Kickout! Glasnost is still on his back, and Panther goes to the
	top rope.... Drops the elbow... ESQUIVED by Glasnost, who tags
	out to Tomahawk! Tomahawk climbs the buckle and HE delivers a
	beautiful elbow drop on Panther! One! Two! Three! Panther is out
	of it!"

Jimmy: "Things are looking VEEEERY bad for Bear now!"

Magilla: "You bet! He reluctantly enters the ring... Tomahawk whips him to
	the ropes, tags to Patriot who comes in with a body slam! Patriot
	offers a test of strength to the big Russian,, who accepts...
	Patriot has the advantage, and gets Bear on his knees!"

Jimmy: "Could this match end up in a clean sweep?"

Magilla: "Girth bump by Patriot!... He covers: one, two, kickout! Patriot
	tags out to Glasnost, who will have the honor of finishing the job...
	Japanese Armlock! It's Over! The Zookeeper tries to come in, but
	Tomahawk levels him with a roundkick! Glasnost releases the hold
	and covers: One, Two, THREE!"

(HUGE CHEERS)

Coward: "The winners of the Flag Match... The ALLIED FORCES!"

(SpewMaster climbs into the ring, holding the flags, and hands them to the
victors; the Russians are infuriated, and start shoving their partner around!
The Zookeeper approaches SpewMaster and whips him! The Master spits his
green mist in the Zookeeper's face and runs away, to big cheers! The Russians
are hot on his trail; the Allies celebrate in the ring!)

-------------------------0------------------------------------------------

Magilla: "How about that, Jimmy: The Jungle are breaking up!"

Jimmy: "We saw it coming all the way through the match, Mongoose; but maybe
	the Zookeeper and the SpewMaster can patch things up..."

Magilla: "I wouldn't bet on that! Let's go to Gord-Yan Solo in the dressing
	room..."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gord-Yan: "AWWRIGHT! I am with two gentlemen who have not wrestled in a
	few weeks, and for a while I doubted that your much-heralded
	arrival in the PWGeA was for real, Angus!"

Angus: "Aye, you dinnae think that we would miss this did ye?"

Jake: "Death and Destruction, we fought you countless times in the WeWF,
	and now it's here, in the PWGeA. Well I couldn't care less if it
	was on Mars, because to prevail over chaos, all you need is..."

Angus: " ...a sword...

Jake: "...and a shield!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Coward: "This is a tag-team contest, scheduled for one fall! Introducing
	first.... (no music, a few cheers, a few jeers)... From Parts
	Unknown, at a total combined weight of 660 pounds, here are the
	No.3 contenders to the World Tag-team titles, Death and Destruction!...

(Big cheers as a windpipe tune starts... The crowd is on their feet!)

AND THEIR OPPONENTS! Making their first PWGeA appearance... at a
	total combined weight of 483 pounds, here are Angus "The Claymore"
	Campbell and Jake "Canadian" Shield..... SWORD AND SHIELD!!!"

Magilla: "WOW! What a crowd pop for Sword and Shield! I'm getting goosebumps
	just sitting here!"

Jimmy: "Yeah, well Sword and Shield are gonna get other kinds of bumps
	real soon now!"

Magilla: "The match gets underway; it's Angus Campbell facing the former
	North American champion, Death! Death clotheslines the man from
	Strathclyde, Scotland.... Angus back on his feet... is hit by a
	vicious Heart Punch by Death, and he quickly tags out to Jake Shield
	to regroup!"

Jimmy: "Death showing why he was the North American champion for several weeks,
	and why it took a great man like Rick Dangerous to beat him for the
	belt!"

Magilla: "Jake Shield in the ring now, gets caught by another stiff clothesline!
	Death moves in to slap the Claw on Jake, but Jake is quicker and
	arm drags Death to the mat! Death gets back up... Jake levels him
	with a quick left-right combo! The crowd is ecstatic!"

Jimmy: "And look at that move by Sword And Shield: they just picked up
	Death and..."

Magilla: "TOP ROPE DDT! WOW!"

Jimmy: "HEY! Don't cut me, Mongoose!"

Magilla: "Angus Campbell in the ring now, hits Death squarely in the face
	with a flying dropkick off the top turnbuckle! Death doesn't even
	fall to the ground, and Angus applies the crucifix... Uh-oh, Angus
	can't get Death off his feet, and Death backdrops Angus!... Death
	back in control... Big punch to the face of The Claymore... Death
	makes the tag to Destruction... Roundhouse Kick that sends Campbell
	into the corner... Destruction follows, and whips Angus to the
	opposing buckle... Angus tries to reach his corner, but Destruction
	catches him just in time to prevent the tag!"

Jimmy: "And these guys are supposed to be legends? Why, then, maybe the
	Black Cockroach can make the Hall of Fame!"

Magilla: "The Tholian Black Widow is ALREADY in the Hall of Fame, because of
	his five years as World Champion.... Punch to the jaw by Destruction!
	And a kick! Death tagged in... And Destruction goes for the top
	rope! It could be all over! Death slingshots Angus to the buckle,
	and Destruction leaps off with a clothesline... ESQUIVE by Angus,
	and Destruction lands on his partner! Angus tags out to Jake, who
	comes in like a house on fire!"

Jimmy: "You are such a box of cliches, Mongoose!"

Magilla: "Enjoy it while you can; in just a few minutes, teh Black Widow
	will wire your mouth shut for a few months. Jake Shield hits
	Death with the DDT! He tags out to Angus!"

Jimmy: "Stupid! Campbell spent the last five minutes getting killed by
	Death and Destruction, and Shield lets him back in after just
	one miserable DDT!"

Magilla: "Angus just missed with the flying dropkick, and Death puts him
	in the reverse full-nelson! It looks like Angus could have to
	submit... No, Jake Shield just came in and broke the hold! The referee
	pushes him back into his corner, and Death reapplies the full-nelson...
	Jake breaks the hold again! This time, Death punches Jake and throws
	him out himself! When he comes back to face Angus, he misses with the
	clothesline... Angus tags Jake, quickly climbs the ropes as Jake
	punches Death and PRESSES HIM!"

Jimmy: "They are going for the ShieldBearer Smash!"

Magilla: "Jake pressing Death, and Angus leaps off the buckle with an
	elbow drop to Death's throat! Jake covers: one, two, three! NO! Death
	kicked out at 2.99! Jake locks Death in the Scorpion Leglock! Will
	he make the former champ submit?.... No! Destruction hits Jake
	from behind to break the hold!"

Jimmy: "Lots of interference in that match! These two teams go back a long way,		and they still have a few gallons of bad blood to take care of!"

Magilla: "Death managed to tag out to Destruction... He whips Jake Shield
	to the buckle!... Destruction now throws Jake into the ropes for
	a Roundhouse kick, but Jake ducks it, and tags to Angus! Angus comes
	in, whips Destruction to the buckle, and climbs the second rope
	to hit Destruction in the head repetitively! One! Two! Three! Four!
	But Destruction lifts him, sits him on the top rope, and climbs
	the second rope himself..."

Jimmy: "The Cradle SuperPlex!"

Magilla: "Destruction Superplexes Angus, and bridges his back for the pin! One!
	Two! Three!"

Coward: "The winners of this bout, in 14:42... DEATH AND DESTRUCTION!"

Magilla: "It ain't over between these two teams, I tell you!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gord-Yan: "Only one match to go, and it's the big one for you, Tholian
	Black Widow. You are coming back to wrestling after two full years
	of retirement; how do you feel?"

BW: "The back is fine, the shoulder is fine, and I'm in a dangerous shape.
	Some people seem to think that I am an old man; well, I'm only 39,
	hardly fit for the rocking chair, huh?"

Gord-Yan: "And just three years ago, you were the undisputed e-wrestling
	champion. Now, any chance that you would reveal the identities of
	your partners?"

BW (smiling): "In due time, Gord-Yan... In due time... Now, if you will
	excuse me, I have three morons to beat up...."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jimmy: "Black Widow, and whoever is teaming with you, you'd better have
	Paul Bearer standing by for your sorry corpses!"

Ricky D: "That's right, Jimmy, because when you face the Assassins, you are
	asking for CPR... HAHAHAH!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Coward: "This is our final contest for tonight! It is a six-man elimination
	tag-team match, with no time limit!

(You can't touch This by MC Hammer plays as the Shadow Assassins make
	their way to ringside... to obvious jeers)

Introducing first... At a total combined weight of 513 pounds, here
	are Johnny Vicious and the PWGeA North-American champion, Ricky
	Dangerous... The Shadow Assassins!..... And their partner for tonight...
	(Rock You Like A Hurricane, by the Scorpions)... From Bel Air,
	California... weighing 248 pounds.... The Ace of Aces, Glamourous
	Jimmy Vendetta!!! (Some cheers, but mostly jeers)...

Their opponents... (Welcome to the MAchine, by Pink Floyd)... First,
	from Parts Unknown, weights unknown... The Masked Avengers!!!....
	And their partner.... Accompanied to the ring by his manager, Admiral
	Chekov!...( Cheers)... From Some Place You Don't Wanna Know, weighing
	in at 227 pounds, here is the Living Legend of e-wrestling, The
	Tholian... Black... WIIIIIIIDOW!"

Magilla: "What a moment, Gord-Yan!"

Gord-Yan: "Yup, you are right Maggie!"

MAgilla: "It's going to be the bigger Avenger (let's call him #1) against
	Ricky Dangerous... Avenger 1 hits the North American champ with an
	axe handle, with no effect!... He puts him in position for the
	piledriver, but Ricky D blocks the move and reverses it into a
	backbreaker!... And it's now a sleeper hold on the part of Dangerous...
	Avenger gets out of the sleeper, but Ricky knocks him down with a punch
	to the jaw... and a kick to the knee... Avenger is on the mat, and
	Dangerous nails him with a falling headbutt!.. He then tags out to
	Johnny Vicious!"

Gord-Yan: "The Black Widow's secret weapons haven't been too impressive
	so far!"

Magilla: "Vicious whips Avenger to the ropes, and hits him with a beautiful
	dropkick!... Avenger One tags out to Avenger Two, who immediately
	gets blasted by a clothesline!... Vicious sets him up for the power
	bomb... Avenger 2 blocks the move and bodyslams the Assassin!...
	Vicious gets up; Avenger hits him with an atomic drop... And a
	suplex... NO! Vicious blocks it, and lifts him up... Ghostbuster!
	Vicious covers: One, Two, Kickout! Vicious tags back to Ricky D!"

Gord-Yan: "We still haven't seen the Black Widow or Jimmy Vendetta!"

Magilla: "Shoulder block by Ricky Dangerous... He seizes Avenger 2 by the
	hair, and locks him up in the full nelson... and lifts him in the
	air.. Atomic drop!... Avenger 2 can't reach his corner... Dangerous
	punches him in the head and whips him to the ropes... Reversed by
	Avenger, who catches the champ with a nice karate chop, and goes
	for the piledriver... Won't work! Vicious gets out of the hold
	and tags in Jimmy Vendetta!!!"

Gord-Yan: "Jimmy facing Avenger... He winds up for a big punch, but the
	Avenger ducks underneath it and locks Jimmy in an abdominal stretch!..
	CAn Jimmy resist to the pain?"

Magilla: "Yes, he just got out of the hold... with a thumb to the eye, of
	course!... Avenger 2 tags out to the Black Widow! LISTEN TO THIS
	CROWD GOING BERSERK!"

Gord-Yan: "That's what they wanted to see, Maggie!"

Magilla: "The Black Widow, martial artist par excellence, is doing several
	kata moves, and closes in for a chop... Blocked by Vendetta, who
	bites the Spider on the forehead! Thumb to the throat by Vendetta!
	He is all over the Spider now.... Vendetta going to the top rope...
	The Avengers shake it, and he crotches himself!!! Meanwhile, the
	Black Widow tagged out ot Avenger 1!"

Gord-Yan: "Avenger can't pick up Vendetta for a body slam-type of move...
	Vendetta lifts him up and WHAM! Knee breaker!.. And a knee drop
	to the leg by Jimmy!... And a toehold.... Avenger gets out of it
	with a boot in the pants, shoves Jimmy into the ropes... Jimmy
	catches him off-guard with a nice backbreaker!.. And another
	toehold..."

Magilla: "Jimmy is REALLY impressive... HE whips Avenger to the ropes...
	Big clothesline! And Jimmy signals for the Figure-Four! Can he
	sinch it in... YES! Avenger 1 submits!!!"

Gord-Yan: "So Jimmy Vendetta scores the first kill for his tea, after 15:28
	of non-stop action!!!"

Magilla: "The Black Widow steps in for the second fall... Vendetta jumps him
	and starts to bite his head off again!... And a thumb to the throat!..
	Jimmy has the Widow in a headlock, and turns away from the referee...
	Probably has something nasty in store... BUT LOOK OUT!!! IT'S THE
	BLACK WIDOW WHO HITS HIM WITH A LOOOOOW BLOW!"

Gord-Yan: "He had it coming, Maggie, and now the Spider is in control!!!
	Black Widow whips Vendetta to the ropes... Double chops to the neck,
	and Vendetta slumps in his corner to tag out to Rick Dangerous!..
	The North American champion steps in to face the man he has tried
	to kill in his restaurant, a few weeks ago... They lock up... Ricky
	places Black Widow on his shoulder for a backbreaker, but the Tholian
	escapes and whops him with a chop! And a roundkick! And.. LOOK AT THAT!
	A SUMMERSAULT DROPKICK!..."

Magilla: "I tell ya, this guy doesn't look old to me!... Dual chops to the
	ears... And the Snare Kick, a vertical kick that lands squarely on
	Ricky's shoulder!!!... Black Widow Irish Whips Ricky to the buckle, and
	tags out to Avenger 2, who catches him with a nice belly-to-back suplex
	and a chop to the neck that sends him flying into his corner to tag
	out to Vicious!"

Gord-Yan: "Good, impressive wrestling on the part of the Tholian's team, but
	still no kills!"

Magilla: "Indeed!.. Vicious facing Avenger... OOH! What a dropkick by Vicious!
	He covers: One, Two, Save by the Black Widow!... The referee
	pushes the Black Widow back into his corner, and The Assassins double
	team the poor Avenger: Vicious knocks him out cold with a piledriver,
	spiked by Dangerous! Vicious covers again... One! TWo! Another save
	by the Black Widow!!!"

Gord-Yan: "And Vicious, disgusted, tags out to Vendetta!.. Avenger is still
	on his back, and Jimmy quickly goes for the figure-four... Avenger
	evades the submission hold with an inside cradle!.. He whips Jimmy
	to the ropes... Body Slam!  Atomic Drop! Body Slam again! .. Avenger
	tags out to the Black Widow... He picks up Vendetta easily, and
	nails him to the mat with a powerslam!... And throws him out of the
	ring!"

Magilla: "Like the annoying bug that he often is!... Vendetta is helped to his
	feet by Dangerous; he climbs back into the ring and whips the
	Spider to the ropes... OOH! What a beautiful spinning flykick by the
	Black Widow! Jimmy is dazed!... Black Widow throws hm into the ropes...
	SLEEPER HOLD!!! JIMMY IS FADING!!!... He is on one knee.. The Assassins
	try to come in and interfere, but Avenger 2 blocks the way!.. The
	referee checks Jimmy's shoulders.. They're on the mat! ONE! TWO!
	THREE! JIMMY VENDETTA IS ELIMINATED!"

Gord-Yan: "After 27:13, both of our old timers have eliminated one man!"

Magilla: "The next fall is going to pit the Black Widow against Rick
	Dangerous... Widow gains the upper hand with a chop... And a
	round kick... He throws Dangerous into the buckle... And pins him
	with a small package! One! Two! THREE!!!"

Gord-Yan: "WOW! At 28:10, the North American Champ is history!"

MAgilla: "The good guys are on a power play, now... But Vicious starts this
	fourth fall with authority, and dropkicks the Black Widow!..
	Clothesline by Vicious!.. Black Widow whipped tot he ropes...
	POWER BOMB!.. Vicious is fighting like a demon!"

Gord-Yan: "HE HAS NO CHOICE! HE'S ONE ON TWO!"

Magilla: "Piledriver by Vicious... The Black Widow is bleeding profusely...
	Vicious poses for the crowd, and the Tholian takes the opportunity to
	tag out to Avenger 2!... Avenger hammering away on Vicious with
	chops and punches... Sets him up for a suplex... Vicious rolls
	him over with the small package! ONE! TWO! THREE!"

Gord-Yan: "Vicious evens the score at 31:17! It's gonna come down to Johnny
	Vicious vs The Tholian Black Widow!"

Magilla: "AND LOOK! The BattleCruisers are joining Admiral Chekov at ringside
	to cheer their old partner on!"

Gord-Yan: "And Vicious is not pleased! He is shouting insults at The Romulan
	Mauler instead of taking care of his opponent!"

Magilla: "And the Black Widow moves in and hits him from behind with a Snare
	Kick! And a roundkick! And double chops! Vicious is down; the
	Black Widow covers: One! Two! Kickout!"

Gord-Yan: "Vicious back to his feet, locks up with the Tholian, and KOs him
	with the DDT!!! He covers: One! Two! Kickout!"

Magilla: "Both men are exhausted; it's a question of who will make the next
	error now!.... The opponents lock up... Vicious whips Black Widow
	to the ropes... Misses with the clothesline... Widow off the ropes
	again... LOCKS THE SLEEPER ON VICIOUS!!! THAT'S IT!!!"

Gord-Yan: "Jimmy Vendetta and Rick Dangerous try to interferem, but they
	are held off by the Masked Avengers and the Battle Cruisers!"

Magilla: "Johnny Vicious's shoulders are on the mat! ONE! TWO! THREE! THE
	BLACK WIDOW WON IT!!!!"

Coward: "The Winners of this bout... THE TEAM OF THE THOLIAN BLACK WIDOW AND
	....

(at that precise second, the Avengers remove their masks, revealing their
identities!)

Coward: "... CRIME AND PUNISHMENT!"

Magilla: "WOW! The Avengers were in fact the former champions of the World,
	Slammer Grant Meadows and Inferno Craig Sommers!"

Gord-Yan: "INCREDIBLE! This match lasted 34:01, Maggie!"

Magilla: "And look at the celebration: The Black Widow, Crime and Punishment,
	the BattleCruisers and Admiral Chekov are receiving some of the
	biggest cheers in Wembley history!"

Gord-Yan: "This wraps up our SuperCard coverage; still a lot of questions
	in the air, though: where will the Russians/Allied Forces feud end?
	What will happen of the Jungle, now that the SpewMaster and his
	manager have come to blows? Will Baron Von Klaw receive a title
	shot at Sargent Sledge Hammer? Or the Black Widow, at Rick Dangerous?"

Magilla: "More in the weeks to come! For now, this is Magilla Mongoose..."

Gord-Yan: "... And Gord-Yan Solo..."

Magilla: "...for Coward Pickle, Jimmy Vendetta and all the PWGeA Crew here,
	saying: so long, we hope you enjoyed the show, and see ya at the
	matches!!!"