PWGeA REPORT #10 From: laramee@IRO.UMontreal.CA (Dominic Laramee) Date: Fri, 19 Jul 1991 01:35:37 +0000 PWGeA REPORT #10 ----- ------ --- Magilla: "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the PWGeA Report! The whole world of e-wrestling is still buzzing over the events of last week's Summit, where we crowned a new North American champion..." Jimmy: "And where the Soviets covered themselves with glory by winning the Road Warrior cup tag-team tournament!" Magilla: "But we have yet more action for you this week, with the PWGeA debut of Running Eagle Feather, John Girder, The New Mystics and the Romulan Mauler, not to mention of course YOUR first match, Jimmy!" Jimmy: "And I will DEMOLISH the Mauler in less than 10 minutes!" Magilla: "As a matter of fact, because you have been retired for so long, Jimmy, the PWGeA President has decided that your match against the Mauler would be limited to 10 minutes, so you won't have much choice!" Jimmy: "Stupid move by the President, who only wants to spare the Moron the shame of a loss at the hands of The Body!" Magilla: "We will let you go down to ringside, Jimmy, and we will return with the results of that match after the following interview in the Launching Pad!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Patriot: My guests this week in the Pad: the spectacular tag team of Sword and Shield. Angus, Jake, you two had a disappointing showing in the first round of the Road Warrior cup, losing to the Soviets... Angus: Aye, Magilla, though we cannae be tae upset, as th' Soviets went on tae win th' tourney. Jake: In fact, we the tourney was a big help to us. We found out that there were a couple of problems with our game plan, and that we weren't communicating properly in the ring. Those kinds of bad habits lead to lots of losses! So Angus and I are hitting the gym this week, and working on some new moves. Next week, we'll be back, and better than ever! Angus: Aye, an' we'd love a rematch wi' th' Soviets. Until then, though, ye Russians wrestled brilliantly at th' tourney, and oor hats are off tae ye! (Angus removes his tartan bonnet, and Jake takes off his RCMP Stetson.) Patriot: An old sparring partner of yours resurfaced at the Royal Rumble. What would the two of you do if the Hellhound, Rick Schroeder resurfaced in the PWGeA? Jake (very angry): That slime's coming here? Why, we'll knock him back under whatever rock he crawled out from, and then - Angus: Calm yerself, Jake! We dinnae put much truck in th' rumour mill, Magilla, and we dinnae like tae comment on somethin' that hasnae yet happened. But Schroeder did attack th' Mage's Gallery at th' Rumble, an' so he may be PWGeA bound. An' if he does come here, he'll find tha' no matter how hard he's trained, no matter what black arts he may have learned... Jake: And no matter what scum is willing to partner with him, it won't be enough to stop the greatest weapons in e-wrestling today! Angus: Aye, for he'll hae tae contend wi' the Sword... Jake: ... And the Shield! Patriot: Back to you guys! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sunn Mooner: "And that 10 minute time limit certainly was a factor, because the Romulan Mauler and Jimmy "The Body" Vendetta reached it without making a victor! In other matches, Running Eagle Feather demolished John Girder in 3:51, and The Shadow Assassins spoiled the PWGeA debut of the EMWA World tag-team champions, The NEw Mystics, by pinning them in 18:48. Bad week for The Mage's Gallery! Also last week, The Androgynes beat La Corrida in 4:12. La Corrida, who again failed to score a single Hype point, were fired on the spot after the match!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Magilla: "You did well in your match, Jimmy!" Jimmy: "Not well enough! Romulan Moron, you escaped with your life, which is more than you deserved. You won't next time!" Magilla: "And how about your pals, Bamm Bamm Gigolow and Randy Rock'n'Roll Hurricane? Why didn't they fight this week?" Jimmy: "The Bamster and the Hurricane challenged Cowboy Kevin Puckett, but that Texas Twit ducked, Mongoose! Can you believe this? It won't happen next week, though, because the Sword and Shield have already accepted their challenge!" Magilla: "And what will YOU do, Jimmy?" Jimmy: "Why, I am not sure, maybe I'll take the week off and relax..." Magilla: "Yeah, you already need a week off, old man!" Jimmy: "WATCH IT, MONGOOSE!" Magilla: "Now calm down, Jimmy! Why don't you introduce your guest while I... hum... go take a breath of fresh air..." Jimmy: It's my great pleasure to talk to one of the greatest champions the PWGeA has ever had, the once and future Junior Heavyweight champion, Baron Von Klaw! (Von Klaw goose steps on stage, to thunderous boos) Klaw: Zank you, Herr Vendetta, und may I zay it iz a great - und rare - pleasure to talk mit un intelligent Amerikaner! It must be horrible vor you, to deal mit zuch fools az dwill in your nation. Jimmy: Yes, the trials I go through! I could go on for hours... but this is your forum, Baron. What is it you're here to say? Klaw: Az you know, Herr Vendetta, I vas attending to... ozer matters last veek, und could not attend ze Zummit uv e-wreztling. But I vas able to attend ze last few minutez uv ze Royal Rumble... Jimmy: And how! That was a brilliant plan on the part of you and the rest of the KO Corral! Klaw: Ja, but I must admit that Herr Moran vas primarily responsible vor zat brilliant idea. Now, ze Mage's Gallery zay they vill come to ze PWGeA. I vould azzume zat all uv zem vill be in contention vor ze Junior Heavyweight title, zince zey exemplify ze vord "Jobber". Herr Magician, you may zend az many uv your voolish proteges az you vish, but I vill deztroy all uv zem! I am ze true Junior Heavyweight champion, und none may ztand bevore my Klaw hold! Zo, Magician, take your men to ze veakling WeWF, or better yet, ztay in ze EMWA, vhere you do not haf to fight. Vor Baron Von Klaw promises you vill vin nothing but pain in ze PWGeA, und ze Baron iz ze master uv pain! AHAHAHAHA! (Crowd boos loudly as the Baron goose steps back off stage.) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sunn Mooner: "We are back at the PWGeA Event center with more results! In a non-title match, Bobby "The Cavalier" Windsor defeated Sargent Glasnost in 1:59. In another non-title match, Brewster Cogburn beat the tar out of the Aztec Mummy for 4 minutes before pinning him with the help of Jack Moran's cane! After the match, Metallicus of the MAge's Gallery rushed the stage and piledrove Jack Moran onto the concrete floor! Club Anarchy defended their belts against the winners of the Road Warrior Cup, the Soviets, and kept them when Dr.Lethe nailed Bear's shoulders to the mat after 3:10. And finally, The Aztec Mummy kept the North American title when he pinned Johnny Vicious in 3:15." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Magilla: "Thanks, Sunn. Jimmy, there are a lot of things going on in the PWGeA as of late: the founding of the All-Jobber confederation and the creation of a North American tag-team title are among the most important." Jimmy: "That's right! All the jobbers in the federation, with the notable exception of Baron Von Klaw, have signed a treaty of alliance. What this Confederation will do, we don't know yet, but the presence of Sargent Glasnost in the Aztec Mummy's corner for his defense of the North American title against Johnny Vicious seems to indicate that the jobbers, whether faces or heels, have decided to make a run for all the belts!" Magilla: "And the North American tag-team title tournament is no exception, with Hammer and Sickle and The Academics in line!" Jimmy: "Speaking of the tournament, Sunn Mooner has the pairings:" Sunn: "Nine teams have registered for the tournament, and two of them will compete for a spot in the final eight in next week's Feature Match: they are Sword and Shield and the American Guerilla. In the quarter-finals, the winners of this match will face the Ultimate Trekkies; Hammer and Sickle will square off against The Androgynes; The Academics will face the new team of Cowboys and Indians, Running Eagle Feather and Brewster Cogburn; and finally, The New Mystics will face the Soviets in a rematch of the Road Warrior cup!" Magilla: "Let me remind you that these matches will take place over hte next weeks and that the finals of this tournament will be held at the next SuperCard, on August 29th!" Jimmy: "Also scheduled for the SuperCard is a World title defense against the winner of a battle royal that will take place at the beginning of the card!" Magilla: "Of course, you can also make other challenges; start discussing matches now!" -------------------------- Sunn: "We are back for the results of the other title matches. The Aztec Mummy, north american champion, ended up in the strange situation of trying to win a lesser title when he faced Bobby Windsor for the All-Jobber belt. And the Mummy won, adding the All-Jober title to his collection; he pinned the Cavalier with the Mummy's Claw, in 1:18! World champion Bily Thunder kept his world title wehn he downed Pref. Spewmas- ter by DQ in 7:12; Prof. Wolfman, sensing that his partner was about to be pinned and that Missy Holliday would have to be surrendered to the Brittish champ, spewed him in the face. And in another World title match, Cowboy Kevin failed in his attempt to become the first man ever to win both major singles titles when Billy Thunder pinned him in 9:12. RANKINGS: World Champion: Billy Thunder 5-0 48.17 North American and All-Jobber champ: The Aztec Mummy 4-2 38.58 1. Running Eagle Feather 1-0 34 2. Brewster Cogburn 4-4 31.15 3. Cowboy Kevin 6-4 25.44 4. Bobby Windsor 7-7 22.38 5. The Romulan Mauler 0-0-1 20 6. Jimmy "The Body" Vendetta 0-0-1 17 7. Prof. Spewmaster 2-5 9.79 8. Sargent Glasnost 4-5 6.73 9. John Girder 0-1 0 DID NOT COMPETE: Mr Mercury, Plague Dog, Lightning Bolt,. Sledge Hammer, Baron Von Klaw, Ford Firepower, Black Knight, Prof.Wolfman, Tomahawk World tag-team champions: Club Anarchy 5-5 68.49 1. Shadow Assassins 3-3 55.6 2. Androgynes 1-2 36.5 3. New Mystics 0-1 34 4. Soviets 3-4 32.65 DID NOT COMPETE Sword ans Shield, Hammer and Sickle, Ultimate Trekkies, American Guerilla, Academics, Cowboya and Indians NEXT WEEK'S TITLE SHOTS: Billy Thunder vs Running Eagle Feather for the World belt The Aztec Mummy vs Brewster Cogburn for the North American title The Aztec Mummy vs Bobby Windsor for the All-Jobber belt Club Anarchy vs Shadow Assassins for the tag-team titles" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Magilla: "That's it for this week; see ya next Tuesday night!" Jimmy: "Hopefully, the KO Corral will have won its first two belts by then!" Magilla: "And hopefully, Smooth will NOT let the Unknown Masked Wrestler, who left the WeWF in disgrace with a record of 4 wons and 67 losses, waste out our valuable air time by wrestling in the PWGeA!" Jimmy: "Yeah, I am really disappointed! Smooth himself could wrestle better than that guy!" Magilla: "Chiao!" Up