SUMMIT OF E-WRESTLING CARD #3 From: laramee@IRO.UMontreal.CA (Dominic Laramee) Date: Fri, 12 Jul 1991 20:54:27 +0000 SUMMIT OF E-WRESTLING: THE ROAD WARRIOR'S CUP TAG-TEAM TOURNAMENT ------ -- ------------ --- ---- --------- --- -------- ---------- (Live, from the Montreal Olympic Stadium) Magilla: "Good evening, wrestling fans of all e-allegiances, this is Magilla Mongoose, announcer extraordinaire of the PWGeA, greeting you to Montreal, Quebec, capital of PWGA grappling! My guest analysts for tonight are, as usual, Jimmy "The Body" Vendetta..." Jimmy: "Didn't I look good last night in Buffalo, Mongoose?" Magilla: "...and the stunningly beautiful manager of Prof. Spewmaster and now also of Prof. Wolfman, Missy Holliday!" Missy: "Hello, Magilla, how are you doing?" Magilla: "I couldn't feel better! Folks, I would say that the Summit has blown the roof off of the stadium, but I understand that the people in Montreal would not find it funny..." Jimmy: "You bet, Mongoose! That ridiculous ORANGE kevlar thing they call a roof has already been torn apart BY THE WIND three times in four years!" Magilla: "Hum, and they wasted 2 billions on this stadium??? Really??? Anyway, the first round of matchups has just been completed, and the winners are enjoying a 15 minute break before the quarter-finals, so we will take the time to bring you up to date on what happened earlier today. First of all, the No.1 favourites, the New Mystics, EMWA tag-team champions, were facing The Androgynes, from the PWGeA." Jimmy: "A qualified team against the No.1 seeds; nobody gave Michael and Annie any chance to win." Magilla: "Before this match, The New Mystics had the following comments:" (roll tape) Wince McLady: "I'm in here with the EMWA World Tag Team Champions, the New Mystics, as they get ready for tonight's big tournament. Gentlemen, a lot of speculation is going on about how last night's incident with the KO Corral, and especially the injury of Fury, is going to affect your performance tonight. Any comments?" The Wizard: "If anything, what happened last night is going to make us even more dangerous. We let our guard down last night, and it cost us, especially Fury, big-time! Well, tonight, that's NOT going to happen!" The Hunter: "That right! Cogburn, you and your goons caught us when we weren't paying attention! All you did was wake us up and make us realize you can never let your guard down for a second! Tonight, we'll be in top form, and when everything's said and done, the New Mystics will come out on top! COUNT ON IT!!" (end tape) Magilla: "Let's join the action at the 12:30 mark; The Hunter has just knocked Annie out with a DDT on the concrete floor." (roll tape) Magilla: "... Annie is bleeding profusely, and The Wizard is keeping Michael away so he can't help his (her?) partner... The Hunter throws Annie back into the ring... He climbs to the top rope; drops the elbow... ANNIE ROLLED AWAY! HUNTER FELL FLAT ON THE MAT!... Both wrestlers are in pain... The Wizard climbs into the ring and goes strait at Annie; he throws him (her?) over the top rope!" Jimmy: "Brilliant move by The Wizard, giving his partner some time to regroup and maybe even insuring a countout victory for the New Mystics!" Magilla: "The referee is counting... Seven! Eight! Nine! TEN! It's over!" (stop tape) Magilla: "So, the New Mystics advance to the quarterfinals. They will face the winners of the match between Sword and Shield and The Soviets." Jimmy: "This one is a tossup. These two teams have been exchanging the No.1 contender spot in the PWGeA for the last month; either one of them could have been chosen as No.8 seeds for this tournament." Missy: "Sword and Shield were preferred by the Summit commitee because of their previous success in the WeWF, and the Soviets were not pleased. Let's see what happened." (roll tape) Magilla: "... Angus "The Claymore" Campbell whips Soviet Panther off the ropes... Flying Dropkick that sends the slender russian into his corner!... Bear tags in, and locks up with Angus... Bear easily overpowers the smaller Scot, and picks him up for a body slam!... And another body slam!... Bear drops an elbow to Angus's face.... Panther tags in; he bounces off the ropes... MISSES WITH THE SPLASH!!! ANGUS CAMPBELL TAGS IN JAKE SHIELD!" Jimmy: "After more that 9 minutes, this is Jake's first appearance in the ring! It was about time!" Missy: "Angus is so battered that he almost isn't sexy anymore!" Magilla: "Jake pummels Panther with a series of right hands!... And he whips him into the turnbuckle!... Hiptoss by Jake Shield!... Shield signals for the Shieldbearer smash!" Jimmy: "I think it's a little too quick; Campbell is probably still too groggy to pull this one off!" Magilla: "Jake makes the tag to Angus, who climbs to the top rope... Jake picks up Panther AT ARM'S LENGHT... Angus leaps off the turnbuckle... PANTHER SOMEHOW GETS OFF JAKE'S GRIP, AND ANGUS KO'S HIS PARTNER! Panther covers Angus! One! Two! Three!" (stop tape) Jimmy: "The Soviets caused the first upset of the night, and will face the New Mystics in the second round!" Magilla: "The third match pitted the fourth seeds, perennial WeWF champions Frank Steel and Irish Mike Flint, against the EMWA's Future Express." Missy: "Molly Maguire had her men primed and ready for this match, and Frank Steel wanted to avenge his humiliation of last night, when he was eliminated from the Royal Rumble FIRST." (roll tape) Jimmy: "Peregrine Falcon may be quick, but it seems that he won't be quick enough to get away from Mike Flint!" Magilla: "Flint hammering away on Peregrine Falcon with right hands!... Falcon off the ropes... CROSS BODY BLOCK! He covers Flint: One! Two! Kickout! Falcon almost pulled the upset... Flint back on his feet now... Falcon whips him into the ropes... Shoulder block by Flint, and Falcon bounces out of the ring!" Jimmy: "OOH! Falcon landed headfirst on the astroturf! I don't think he will be able to continue!" Missy: "Falcon has more guts than you think!" Magilla: "Peregrine Falcon barely beats the count of ten! Flint has made the tag to Frank Steel, who picks up Falcon and slams him HARD! Almost through the mat!... Steel covers; one, two, kickout!... Steel sets up Falcon for a piledriver... BANG! It's over! One! Two! Three!" (end tape) Jimmy: "The Future Express didn't give Flint and Steel much of a match, but Peregrine Falcon lasted longer than I had epected." Missy: "Come on, Jimmy, give the kids some credit! I would not be surprised if the Express were EMWA tag-team champions before the second Summit!" Jimmy: "Yeah, especially since there won't be another one!" Magilla: "Who knows? Anyway, the fourth match of the first round was not exactly what we had in mind when we planned this summit." Jimmy: "Planned? Do you admit that e-wrestling is fixed, too?" Magilla: "That's not what I said! What I mean is that after this Wednesday's events, the 007 Special was obviously not going to wrestle together here tonight! So, we had to find a last-minute replacement, and the fifth seeds, the team of Cowboy Kevin Puckett and Sargent Sledge Hammer, also known as Double Trouble, met the 'legendary' team of MIT and CALTECH, infamously known as... (roll tape) Magilla: "Revenge of the Nerds in complete control over Cowboy Kevin... MIT whips him into the far corner and follows him in with a shoulder tackle to the mid section... MIT tags out to CALTECH, and both Nerds give Sargent Hammer the Three Stooges Salute! Sargent Sledge is irate, and the referee has all sorts of trouble keeping him in his corner!" Jimmy: "I can't believe it! These oxymorons are actually beating Double Trouble???" Magilla: "Look at this! CALTECH is pulling something out of his lab overcoat... It's a test tube filled with something green and fuming!" Jimmy: "INCREDIBLE! THEY MADE SYNTHETIC GREEN MIST! I can't get over these guys!" Magilla: "CALTECH splashes Cowboy Kevin in the face, and throws the rest of the mist across the ring and into Sargent Hammer back!.. Both Double Trouble fall out of the ring in pain!.. The Nerds breakdance all over the ring while the referee counts Cowboy Kevin out... Eight! Nine! TEN!!!" (end tape) Magilla: "Incredible as it may seem, Flint and Steel will have to face Revenge of the Nerds in the second round!" Jimmy: "This should be a good comic relief! Why didn't anybody invite e-Playboy Buddy Rose?" Missy: "Yuck! I would date Robby the Lame before this guy!" Magilla: "This goes to say a lot! Our next match featured the number 3 favourites, the PWGeA Champions of Club Anarchy, against Admiral Chekov's Ultimate Trekkies, The Black Widow and The Romulan Mauler. Both of these teams have performed beautifully in the Summit so far; Club Anarchy defeated The Law to keep their belts, and the Trekkies finally shook their Supercard jinx by beating the team of Khan Noonian Singh and Darth Vador, managed by their long-time nemesis, Emperor David Lightfinger. Both Trekkies also shone in the Royal Rumbla last night; the Black Widow placed third, and the Mauler racked up the most kills. Let's join the action in progress." (roll tape) Jimmy: "... And here comes Silvah Hypocrisy... She has stated her lust for Admiral Chekov and his men time and time again, and it looks like she is going to try to kiss the Admiral just about now!" Magilla: "Yeah, she approches the Admiral... WHO SPEWS HER RIGHT IN THE FACE!!! THE ADMIRAL HAD HIS INSTANT SPEW (TM) READY!" Jimmy: "That's despicable, Mongoose! How can you break a woman's heart like that!" (cut to further footage) Magilla: "..Wait a minute! Here come the Oroboros, carrying snakes!!! Wyrm throws a python in the ring and charges the Mauler! If the referee were awake, this would be an automatic DQ... BUT THE BATTLECRUISERS RUSH TO THE RESCUE!!! What is it they are carrying in these things... LOOK OUT! Klingon Disrupter threw a bucketful of tar at Silvah Hypocrisy, and Photon Torpedo covers her with feathers!!! Silvah and the Oroboros are retreating to the dressing room, infuriated and humiliated!" (cut) Magilla: "Dr. Lethe picks up the Black Widow, and knocks him back down with the Spinning Kick of Forgetfulness!.. Lethe tags out to Captain Necropolis; they are signalling for the Dreaded Wishbone! Put Anarchists are in position.. But the Romulan Mauler saves his partner by clotheslining both opponents!.. Black Widow makes it back to his feet, and locks up with Necropolis; Lethe is dazed!... Necropolis picks up the Black Widow for a body slam, but he slides out of it and rolls Necropolis up from behind! One! TWo! THREE!" (end tape) Jimmy: "I can't believe this! Chekov should be fined for this! You don't play tar and feather with a classy woman like Silvah!" Magilla: "A woman who tries to drug her buddies's opponents deserves all the non-violent humiliation that she gets, Jimmy!" Missy: "I agree with Magilla. Silvah Hypocrisy has physically assaulted the Black Widow when he was an announcer in the PWGeA, and has drugged Judge Anderson just two days ago to ensure Club Anarchy's victory; the little joke that the Trekkies pulled on her was well deserved!" Jimmy: "And all that coming from a woman who has sent her own proteges on a rampage just because the PWGeA Champion, Billy Thunder, tried to steal a KISS from her! Sheesh!" Missy: "Watch it, Vendetta! Billy Thunder KIDNAPPED me, for Ric's sake!" Magilla: "OK, let's calm down, we have a long night ahead of us! In the sixth match of the night, the two most unpredictable teams of the tournament squared off: the number six seeded Maniacs, managed by Simon Bolendorf, and Missy's own Academics, prof.Spewmaster and Prof.Wolfman." (cut to tape) Magilla: "Prof. Wolfman is not exactly a scientific wrestler, but I do not think that The Maniacs have any use for science, either!... Wolfman has Maniac #1 is a front headlock... He rolls it into neckbreaker! Wolfman covers: One! Two! Kickout!" Jimmy: "Simon Bolendorf approaches Missy Holliday, and is handing her flowers! Prof Spewmaster gets on Simon's case and shoves him into the barriers!" Magilla: "What does that devil Bolendorf have in mind?.. The referee is trying to break up the fight between the Spewmaster and Simon, but the Maniacs are now double-teaming Wolfie... Maniac #1 slingshots him into a double fist strike by #2!... #2 gorilla-presses Wolfman, and clotheslines him on the top rope; he covers: One! Two! Three!" Jimmy: "But Prof. Spewmaster gets in the ring and spews both Manics badly!.. And Simon is a heap of scarred flesh, being carried away on a stretcher!.. The Maniacs may have won, but will they be able to fight the Trekkies later on tonight?" (end tape) Magilla: "Well, we will see that shortly. We still have two first round matches to recap, however. In the first of these, the WeWF tag-team champions, The Hoosiers, who have been seeded second in this tournament, faced Admiral Chekov's other team, the BattleCruisers. The match was long and grueling; we will join it after more than 28 minutes of action." (tape) Jimmy: "...Less than two minutes to go, Mongoose! Either one of these gets on a roll real quick, or we will see a time-limit draw and both the Hoosiers and the BattleCruisers will be eliminated!" Magilla: "Indeed! The General and Admiral Chekov are both shouting desperate encouragements to their respective proteges, but Daemon and Photon Torpedo are exhausted!... Daemon gets up first, pulls Photon by the mask, and gives him a high vertical suplex; he covers: one! two! kickout!" Missy: "Hey, what are the Oroboros doing here?" Jimmy: "Maybe they just want to avenge their manager!" Magilla: "The Oroboros are shouting taunts and insults at the BattleCruisers! Photon and Disrupter are not paying them much attention; they are far too busy with the champions!... Daemon tags in Erik; front suplex by Erik on Photon!" Jimmy: "And Wyrm knocks Photon on the head with one of the Hoosiers' belts!" Magilla: "The referee saw none of it, but the General did, and chases the Oroboros back to the dressing room!... Erik asks the referee to stop the match, but Photon will hear none of it: he wants to continue!" Jimmy: "45 seconds! If this idiot can hold on, he will rob the Hoosiers from a spot in the quarterfinals!" Magilla: "Erik locks up with Photon Torpedo, and applies a side headlock; Photon fires him into the ropes..." Jimmy: "30 seconds!" Magilla: "Photon bows for the back body drop, but Erik leapfrogs over him, hooks the arms and WHAM! Back-to-back bridged suplex! One! Two! Three!" Jimmy: "The Hoosiers win it at 29:53!" Missy: "A valiant effort by the BattleCruisers, but the Hoosiers are the champs, and we just saw why they were." (stop tape) Magilla: "Before we present the highlights of the final match of this first round, let me remind you of what happened last night in Buffalo after Fury's victory in the Royal Rumble. Jack Moran's KO Corral squad, Brewster Cogburn, Running Eagle Feather, Baron Von Klaw and The Black Knight, assaulted the victor and the rest of the Mage's Gallery. The Hellhound, Ricky Shroeder, who was also present at the event, apparently interfered in the altercation as well. Several wrestlers had to be carried out of the arena, and the health bulletin that we received this morning was grim: Fury has suffered fractures to five ribs and to his left leg, and will be out of action for two months, which will prevent him from joining the PWGeA with the rest of the Gallery." Jimmy: "And Warren Hammer suffered several cuts, seemingly from the Hellhound's scythe. The doctors ordered him to withdraw from this tournament, but he stupidly refused." Magilla: "Jimmy! Mr. Hammer showed tremendous courage in insisting to fight tonight!" Jimmy: "Yeah, but he is still stupid." (cut to tape) Magilla: "Ford Firepower, former PWGeA World Champion, teaming up with the reigning EMWA Intercontinental champ, Inferno, against two members of the Mage's Gallery, John Girder and Warren Hammer..." Jimmy: "Let's say one and a half, Mongoose; Hammer is having trouble crawling to the ring!" (cut to later footage) Magilla: "Girder has been fighting like a man possessed, but hte lack of a worthy partner is going to betray him sooner or later!" Jimmy: "Hammer should be in a hospital, not in a ring!" Magilla: "Yeah, I am beginning to agree with you... Firepower puts the double underhook suplex on Hammer!... Hammer is down and out, and bleeding from his nose and his forehead... THERE IT IS! THE MAGICIAN THREW IN THE TOWEL!" Jimmy: "And the paramedics rush to the ring and carry out the Gallery members; it looks like the KO Corral did a great job last night!" Magilla: "Oh, puh-lease!" (end tape) Magilla: "So, the seventh seeds, Inferno and Firepower, advance to the second round to face The Hoosiers; we will bring you live coverage of the first match after these comments from our sponsor, Instant Spew Inc." ------------------------------------------------------------------------- (off-stage voice): Hey, kids? I bet your folks never got over those Cabbage patch dolls, huh? Well, now, it's time to move on to something really groovy: Instant Spew! (the camera shows a 8-year old boy walking on the street and spewing everything in sight) Voice: "With Instant Spew, you can get even with the little bully who ran over your miniature Ferrari with his mountain bike! Or with that dry old lady who keeps running after you with a broom every time you step on her lawn!" (a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model demonstrates as the voice continues) Voice: "Instant Spew is easily washable, non-toxic, ozone-safe, and even comes in four delicious flavours! It is THE rush in Hollywood! So, if you want to be a star, buy Instant Spew today! Only 14.95$ a can! Instant Spew: for the Wolfman in you!" (Missy Holliday winks at the camera, and Spewmaster and Wolfman spew on it. End of commercial) ------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Coward Pickle is in the ring.) Coward: "Ladies and gentlemen! This next contest is the first match of the second round! Introducing first.... (Soviet anthem blares off the speakers)... Led towards the ring by their manager, the Zampolit.... From the Soviet Union KGB Headquarters, at a total combined weight of 430 pounds, here are codenames Bear and Panther, the No.1 contenders to the PWGeA World Tag-team titles, THE SOVIETS!!! (BOOOOOOOOOOOO!)..... And their opponents!.. Accompanied by the Magician.... From parts unknown, weights unknown, the reigning EMWA World tag-team champions, The Hunter, The Wizard.... THE NEW MYSTICS!!!" Magilla: "The Zampolit requests that all the fans in attendance rise while The Soviets perform their national anthem!... Of course, they get showered with garbage." Jimmy: "But they sing rather well, don't you think?" Missy: "Yeah, it's just as usual: they sing beautifully at first, but when the record starts to skip, it's over real fast, man!" Magilla: "The Hunter will start the match against the Bear; two men who are powerful, powerful wrestlers despite their reduced size. Bear offers a test of strength; Hunter accepts.... Neither wrestler gets an advantage.. Bear kicks the Hunter in the midsection, and hammers him with an axehandle to the back!... Bear tags out to Panther; they fire Hunter off the ropes... Double back body drop!..." Jimmy: "The Soviets' discipline has given them the early lead!" Missy: "I must admit that the Soviets are coming on strong, especially for men who have just lost a world title match 48 hours ago!" Magilla: "Panther applies a hammerlock on the Hunter... Hunter reaches for the ropes, grabs them!... Panther breaks away clean, and Hunter tags out to the Wizard!" Jimmy: "Panther broke a hold? Just because a lousy ref asked him gently to do so? He should be ashamed of himself!" Magilla: "Wizard, ready to lock up with the Panther... The Zampolit is having as few words with the Magician, outside the ring... Wizard puts Panther in a side headlock, and tags back out to the Hunter, who keeps the headlock on... Panther whips him into the ropes and positions himself for the backdrop... HUNTER CATCHES HIM OFFGUARD WITH A DDT!" Missy: "The Hunter is a master of the DDT, and Panther is in deep, deep trouble now!" Magilla: "Hunter tags to Wizard; the Wizard leaps off the top rope and drops the knee on Panther!... Wizard slaps Bear in the face!!! Bear is coming after him, but the referee pushes him back into his corner... Meanwhile, Hunter enters the ring and puts Panther on his shoulders, while the Wizard climbs the ropes!" Jimmy: "It could be over right here!!!" MAgilla: "Wizard off the ropes... Dropkick! He covers... But the referee is still arguing with Bear, and doesn't count the pin! The New Mystics might have won the match, but no, it won't happen!" Jimmy: "Quick thinking by Bear, who saved the day for his team!" Magilla: "There is as much action outside the ring as there is inside! The Magician is sneaking up on the Zampolit... AND FLASHES A FIREBALL IN HIS FACE! THE ZAMPOLIT SCREAMS IN PAIN!" Jimmy: "And Bear leaps onto the Magician, who barely dodges the big Russian's assault!.. And Hunter enters the brawl!..." Magilla: "The referee has given up all hopes of restoring order in this match! Wizard and Panther are left alone in the ring; Wizard lifts Panther by the hair and slaps his ears!... Panther is holding his head, and tries to retreat into a corner... Wizard follows him and gives him a bulldog! He covers: One! Two! Kickout!" Jimmy: "Panther is showing a lot of stamina in this match!" Magilla: "Wizard picks up Panther, and rams his back into the turnbuckle! Twice! Three times! Four times! Five times!... Wizard dumps Panther in the middle of the ring, and climbs to the top rope... But Bear walks in and carries his partner back into the Soviet corner!" Jimmy: "Another save by Bear! That's two in five minutes! I hope that the Expos' manager is watching this, because two saves is more than what his whole bullpen has scored in June!" Magilla: "Panther tags out to Bear; on the outside, the Zampolit and the Magician have been separated by several security officers... Bear locks up with the Wizard and powers him into the corner... The referee asks him to break the hold, and Bear obeys... but slaps Wizard across the kisser!.. And he picks him up for a body slam!..." Jimmy: "The tide of the match has turned, Mongoose!" Magilla: "Bear gorilal presses the small Wizard, and guillotines him on the top rope! A cover: one! Two! Kickout!... Bear gets up and locks his opponent in a Boston Crab!" Jimmy: "How amusing, this Russian team that wins so many matches with a hold named after a US city!" Magilla: "The referee asks Wizard if he wants to submit... No, he doesn't! Bear applies still more pressure... But Hunter comes out of his corner and kicks him in the head! Bear releases the hold and stumbles into his corner to make the tag!... Panther quickly leaps over the top rope and prevents the Wizard from making the tag... Panther drops an elbow to the Wizard's back... He picks him up, pulls him into his corner, and makes the tag to Bear... Bear puts Wizard in the bear hug, and Panther bounces off the ropes... Hart Attack! Bear covers! One! Two! Kickout!" Jimmy: "This is a great match, Mongoose! BOth teams are at their very best!" Magilla: "Indeed!... Bear signals for the Russian Sickle... Panther Irish whips Wizard to the buckle... But Hunter is the one who connects with a clothesline to the back of Bear's head! The Zampolit climbs on the apron to complain to the referee!... Hunter catches the Zampolit by the collar and thros him into the third row of the stands!" Jimmy: "The Soviets have lost their manager! Big disadvantage!" Magilla: "Bear and Hunter ready to lock up again... I am not sure that either one is the legal man for his team, but nobody seems to care much for the rulebook tonight anyway... Hunter puts Bear in an abdominal stretch... Wizard leaps off the second rope with a punch to the ribs... Wizard places Bear in position for a double underhook suplex... Blocked by Bear, WHO BACKDROPS WIZARD AND BRIDGES OVER HIM!!! ONE!!! TWO!!! THREE!!!" Coward: "The winners of this bout.... THE SOVIETS!!!" Jimmy: "The Soviets eliminate the top seeds! Wonderful!" Magilla: "Both of these teams will be in the PWGeA starting next week, so we might see them square off against each other again!" Jimmy: "I would definitely buy a ticket to see that rematch, Mongoose, but obviously I won't have to, because the PWGeA knows that its team of announcers would be a bleak, flat and miserable thing without me!" Missy: "You are the only man in the world who would call me bleak, miserable, and FLAT, Jimmy V!" Magilla: "Let's go to Robby the Lame, who is standing by in the locker room with Revenge of the Nerds!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- (CALTECH is a fat slob, MIT is a skinny twit. Both Nerds are wearing leather outfits ala Road Warrior, with Pocket Protectors (tm) on them). Robby: "Yeah! Thanks a lot! I'm stuck with the biggest mutoids in the world (after the Romulan Mauler, of course), CALTECH and MIT, the Revenge of the Nerds. So, you got invited because these fossilized Summit officials could not find a real tag-team, and you pulled a lucky win over Double Trouble. Now what?" MIT: "Now, Flint and Steel. They are good. But we are smart. We do not care about wimpy things like belts, women managers, or personal hygiene. All we want is to further the cause of all the nerdimaniacs in the world." CALTECH: "Our superior brains will bring us an easy victory against these two oxymorons who were so dumb that they actually had to take BLUE COLLAR jobs. Flint and Steel, be ready to pass the exam... and fail! Live long and prosper! (CALTECH gives a mock-Vulcan sign and leaves, laughing; the sound of his laugh resembles that of a snoring pig.) Robby: "Well, at least they are right about one thing: Molly Maguire is a cheap slot who is not worth the trouble she is causing everyone in the WeWF. Back to you Mongoose." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Magilla: "I don't think that Molly Maguire and Flint & Steel will take Robby's comments easily, Jimmy." Jimmy: "Why not? The guy has a right to an opinion. And Molly IS ugly, which goes against the sole purpose of chicks in the world today: decoration!" Missy (kicks Jimmy in the *****): "Shut up, moron!" Jimmy (red and wracked): YEOOOWWWW!!! Mongoose: "Let's go to the ring!" Coward: "We are now ready for our next contest... Introducing first... (Hip to be Square by Huey Lewis and the News)... From the Schools of Computer Science in our very best universities... At a total combined weight of 450 pounds... CALTECH! MIT! RRRRREVENGE OF THE NERDS!!!!.......... And their opponents... Led towards the ring by their shop steward, Molly Maguire... Representing the AFL-CIO... at a total combined weight of 516 pounds... Here are Frank Steel and the WeWF World's heavyweight champion "Irish" Mike Flint, Flint and Steel!" (bell rings) Magilla: "And here comes Robby the Lame!" Robby: "Hello, Jimmy.... Get out of my seat, Mongoose.... Hey, Missy babe, how about a date after the tournament?" Missy: "Excuse me, I have some business to attend to." (she leaves) Magilla: "Nice going, Lame!... The match gets underway, and World champ Mickey Flint pummels CALTECH into the mat!" Jimmy: "Revenge of the Nerds weigh 450 pounds total, right? Judging from CALTECH's girth, MIT should be about 35 pounds." Magilla: "Flint picks up CALTECH, and smashes his head into Frank Steel's boot... Tag is made; Steel comes in... Whips CALTECH to the ropes... Power slam by Steel! And a cover! One! Two! Three!" Robby: "What, over already?" Coward Pickle: "The winners of this bout, in... 17 seconds, FLINT AND STEEL!!!" Magilla: "So we have our first semi-final: Flint and Steel against the Soviets!" Jimmy: "The Soviets have been incredible so far tonight, and I think that they will take Flint and Steel to the mother country, and advance to the tournament finals!" Magilla: "Hey, Lame, look: Molly Maguire, Flint and Steel, The Hellkats and the Romulan Mauler are headed this way!" Robby: "Hum, excuse me, I have some urgent business to attend to in Paraguay... Chiao!" Molly: "Not so fast, Lame!" (Flint and Steel seize Robby and hold him by the arms) HellKat Katrina: "So, you think that Molly and I should be wrestling in Jello, huh? Well, we will wrestle SOME jello: your big fat belly!" (The HellKats punch Robby in his generous stomach) Molly: "And I will show you what a modern woman is capable of!" (She lifts Robby and gives him a perfect body slam.) Mike Flint: "And our old friend here, the Mauler, has something in store for you too. After all the dirt you have been spreading over his reputation, I think that he deserves a chance to get even!" (Flint lifts Robby's head, and The Romulan Mauler spits some Instant Spew in his face!) Mauler: "And NOW, I guess that you will shut up, LAME!" (The crowd cheers wildly, as the HellKats, Molly, Flint and Steel and the Mauler all retreat to the dressing room together, laughing. Robby sneaks out the other way, humiliated once again.) Magilla: "Well, you can't say that Robby the Lame did not ask for it!" Jimmy: "I will agree with you there, although they may have pushed it a little: they were six on one, after all! But it seems that, when the Four Corners are not around to protect him, Robby the Lame is in trouble." Magilla: "Indeed!... Here comes Missy; you missed a pretty funny spot, miss Holliday!" Missy: "How do YOU know? Where do you think that Instant Spew came from?" (she winks) Magilla: "Oh, I see!... Anyway, time to get back to the ring!" Coward: "This next contest is also scheduled for one fall, with a 30 minute time limit!... Introducing first to my left, at a total combined weight of 573 pounds... The team of Ford Firepower and Inferno! (not much of a reaction from the fans).... Their opponents... (standing ovation as Back Home Again in Indiana blasts through the stadium)... Accompanied to the ring by The General... From Bloomington, Indiana... At a total combined weight of 497 pounds, here are the WeWF World tag-team champions, Daemon and Erik, THE HOOOOOOOSIERS!!!" Magilla: "Listen to this capacity crowd of 67,000!" Jimmy: "The Hoosiers have the fans on their sides, and they ARE the WeWF champs, but Ford Firepower is the man who ended Sargent Sledge Hammer's historic title reign as PWGeA champion, and Inferno is still holding that EMWA Intercontinental belt, so The Hoosiers are not going to have a picnic!" Magilla: "No, but they have more experience as a team, and that's why they are the No.2 seeds in this tournament and their opponent are only No.7!... Firepower will start things off against Erik... Firepower shoves Erik HARD into the corner; Erik has a bewildered look on his face!" Jimmy: "He certainly did not expect such stregth from Ford Firepower; maybe the General's little black book did not contain anything on Firepower, and teh Hoosiers have to fight him on instinct alone!" Magilla: "Firepower crescent kicks Erik out of the ring!... Erik is taking some advice from the General; he now climbs back into the ring... Slingshots himself over the top rope and onto Firepower, who catches him and drops him into a powerslam! A cover! One! Kickout!" Missy: "Ford Firepower is manhandling the champion! Then again, it is not all that surprising." Magilla: "Firepower tags out to Inferno... Slingshot suplex by Inferno, and Erik rolls out of the ring again... The General looks concerned; Erik is bleeding from the forehead... Erik climbs back into the ring to face Ford Firepower, who was just tagged in by Inferno... Firepower and erik lock up again, and Firepower is lifting Erik for a body slam... NO! Erik blocked it, and rolled Firepower over for an inside cradle! One! Kickout!.. Erik tags out to Daemon!" Missy: "Erikk really needed the rest!" Magilla: "Daemon puts Firepower in a headlock... Firepower pushes him into the ropes... Cartwheel by Daemon, who dropkicks Inferno!... And another dropkick, on Firepower this time!... And a monkey flip!... And now, Ford Firepower will get out to regroup!" Jimmy: "Good thinking; don't let your opponent get the momentum; break his concentration as much as you possibly can!" Magilla: "Ford Firepower is back in the ring, and he clotheslines Daemon... Firepower tags out to Inferno; Inferno hammers away on Daemon with punches, but Daemon retaliates with more punches, and Inferno goes down!... Daemon drags him into his corner, and drops the leg off the second rope!... Tag is made to Erik; he jumps off the top rope... Misses with the knee drop, as Inferno rolls away!.. Inferno tags out to Firepower, who drops an elbow to Erik's knee and puts him in the figure-four leglock... Erik is screaming in pain!... But Daemon kicks Firepower in the head to break the hold... Firepower comes right back in with the Boston crab..." Jimmy: "Firepower is showing why it only took him two weeks to win the world title in the PWGeA!" Missy: "Yeah, but don't forget that it only took him 5 days to lose it back!" Magilla: "Erik reaches for the ropes, and Firepower breaks the hold... Tag is made to Inferno, who atomic drops Erik!... And gives him a belly-to-back suplex! One! Two! Kickout!... Inferno tags back out to Firepower... Firepower causes further damage to Erik's back with repeated axehandles... And Irish whips him into the buckle... But Erik climbs the second rope, and catches Firepower off-guard with a flying cross body block! One! Two! Three!" Jimmy: "How did The Hoosiers pull this one! Even I, the most amazing wrestler of all time, could not have done it better! After the beating that he took, Erik was still able to pin Ford Firepower with a high-flying move, well out of his usual repertoire!" Magilla: "The General's strategy is still sharp, Jimmy!... Ford Firepower and Inferno are shaking hands with the Hoosiers... A great match, once again!.. Let's take you now to the Ultimate Trekkies!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mauler: "Maniacs! I can't even count the times that Klingon Disrupter and I beat you in the WeWF! And now, with the Living Legend as my partner, I will make sure that after THIS match, you BEG Simon Bolendorf to let you back in that insane asylum!" Black Widow: "Bolendorf, your men are FORMER tag-tem champions. WE are the NEXT PWGeA Tag-team champions, and we just beat the REIGNING champions a half-hour ago. Do you really believe the Maniacs stand a chance? Think again." Chekov: "Maniacs, Bolendorf, my men were winning wrestling titles even before you figured out how to ties your own boots, which must be about two or three years ago at best. We can outwrestle you, we can outpower you, and we can outsmart you. Take out your plane tickets to Parts Unknown, your cab is waiting at the door." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Magilla: "Pretty strong words from Admiral Chekov..." Jimmy: "Oh, fine! These guys win two matches in three months, and they think that they are the greatest thing since Kentucky Fried Kittens! Big deal! Me and Randy Hurricane can teach them a lesson any day!" Magilla: "We will see about that sometime in the near future... That is, if you have enough guts to fight the Trekkies in the PWGeA, of course!" Jimmy: "What do you mean, IF I have the guts? I will show you if I have the guts!" (he leaves) Magilla: "Jimmy V going back to the dressing room!... I smell a rat, Missy!" Missy: "Yeah, me too! The Trekkies should watch their backs!" Magilla: "The match gets under way, and Maniac #1 (or is it #2?) locks up with the Romulan Mauler... Mauler lifts him up in the air and holds him at arm's length! The fans are going crazy!... Mauler walks to his corner, still holding Maniac, and the Black Widow climbs to the top rope... He puts Maniac in a headlock... TOP ROPE DDT! Black Widow covers: One! Two! Kickout!" Missy: "What an unusual tactic by the Ultiomate Trekkies, starting off a match with a devastating finisher!" Magilla: "Black Widow dumps Maniac #1 in his corner, and #2 tags in... Maniac #2 rakes the Blak Widow's face, much to Simon Bolendorf's delight, and takes him down with a short clothesline... Maniac #1 is still out cold... #2 puts a hammerlock on the Black Widow, but the Tholian powers out of it.... And knocks the wind out of #2 with an elbow smash to the stomach... Maniac #2 is bent in twelve!... Black Widow knocks him down with a falling vertical kick, and applies a nerve pinch... Maniac grabs the ropes, and counters the Black Widow with a thumb to the eye!... Maniac #1 has recovered, and tags in.." Missy: "The Trekkies have had a slight advantage so far, but overall the match is well balanced." Magilla: "Maniac #1 bites the Black Widow in the forehead... But Black Widow knocks him away with an atemi! And another Atemi!... Black Widow locks up #1 in a White Hand armlock... And tags out to the Mauler!... Mauler reapplies the White Hand... and picks up #1 in a fireman's carry! Airplane spin by the Mauler!... Maniac #1 is dazed, and walks straight into a punch by the Black Widow!.. And Mauler gives him a belly-to-belly suplex! One! Two! Kickout!..." Missy: "Hey! Jimmy Vendetta is coming down the aisle, with Club Anarchy and Randy Hurricane! And that slot, Silvah Hypocrisy!" Magilla: "Jimmy Vendetta and Randy Hurricane are shoving Admiral Chekov around, and Dr.Lethe is throwing insults at the Black Widow, while Captain Necropolis sneaks up... And bashes Black Widow on the head with a chair!... The referee saw it, however, and will disqualify The Maniacs for outside interference!" Missy: "Hum! I think that Simon Bolendorf is just as surprised as we are! He and the Maniacs retreat to the dressing room, battered, but Club Anarchy and the rest are still brawling with the Trekkies... Necropolis bashes The Mauler with his chair, but Admiral Chekov stuns Randy Hurricane with his hand Phaser..." Magilla: "And more wrestlers rush to ringside to break it up!... The Battle Cruisers, Prof. Wolfman, and various jobbers manage to separate the belligerents... Black Widow and Mauler look shaken, but not too damaged... Anyway, if Club Anarchy wanted to get even with the Trekkies for the tar-and-feather incident, they kinda missed their point, because it is the Maniacs who got eliminated, and the Trekkies who wil advance to the semi finals against The Hoosiers!... Before that however, The Soviets will square off with Flint and Steel; the wrestlers are already on their way to the ring, so let's go to Coward Pickle." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Coward: "This next contest is our first semi-final!... Coming down the aisle with Molly Maguire, from the WeWF, the team that defeated the Future Express and the Revenge of the Nerds... FLINT AND STEEL!... Their opponents, managed by the Zampolit, have eliminated Sword and Shield and The New Mystics; they are The Soviets!" Magilla: "Any comment; Jimmy-The-Agressor?" Jimmy: "Flint and Steel had it easy, until now, unlike the Soviets. They are fresher, but their intensity may be down a bit, so I will go with the Soviets. And why are you calling ME an agressor? I was only trying to get Chekov to sign a contract, so that the Trekkies would fight me and the rock'n'roll hurricane next week, but No, mister C would not do it! So, I guess I had to clobber the sleazy little chicken, just to show him!" Magilla: "I am told that we will have an announcement from the Trekkies after this match!... Frank Steel will start things off against Bear... Bear gets the upper hand, and forces Steel to retreat into the corner... Bear chokes Steel on the top rope, but Mike Flint runs on the apron and clotheslines Bear from behind! Bear falls headfirst into the ringside barrier!.." Missy: "The Soviets are not quite there, it seems; their previous matches took a serious toll." Magilla: "The Zampolit shouting orders at Bear, who seems to recover n a flash and jumps back into the ring. I wonder what the Zampolit threatened him with?" Jimmy: "Maybe Siberia; but even that could not scare a man that much. I guess he said that Bear would have to spend a night with Virgilina!" Magilla: "Bear has Frank Steel in a chinlock... Steel grabs a handful of... of what? Bear doesn't have any hair!" Jimmy: "Steel tried to go by the book, and get out of the chinlock by grabbing the hair and falling into a jawbreaker, but it's a little hard to do when your opponent is as bald as Robby the Lame!" Magilla: "Indeed!.. Steel gets up, powers out of the hold, and applies a chicken wing... Bear backflips over Steel and rolls him up! One! Two! Kickout!... Bear makes the tag, and places Steel for the piledriver... Spiked by Panther!... Steel is on the ground, shaking convulsively... Panther leaps off the second rope with a moonsault! One! Two! Kickout!" Jimmy: "Steel is just that: Steel! He is almost indestructible!" Magilla: "And the Zampolit just KOed Mike Flint with his cane!... Steel crawls back into his corner, but there is no one to make the tag to, since Flint is out cold on the concrete floor!... Panther lifts Steel... Stomach breaker! Another cover! One! Two! Kickout!... Panther makes the tag to Bear... Bear puts Steel in the Torture rack!!! But Mike Flint makes the save from behind; how can a man recover THAT fast!... Bear tags out, but so does Frank Steel!... Mike Flint throws Panther into the ropes; crisscross.... Panther drops to the ground, and Flint kicks him in the butt!" Jimmy: "What an unsportsmanlike conduct by Mike Flint!" Magilla: "The fans love it, though!... Flint lifts Panther up, and gives him a resounding atomic drop!... And a dropkick to the back!... Mike Flint tags out to Frank Steel, who puts Panther in position for a piledriver... He gets him up... But Panther locks his legs around Steel's head and rolls him over for a cover! One! Two! Three!" Jimmy: "THE SOVIETS WIN IT! HAHAHAHAHAH! I LOVE IT!" Missy: "I am shocked! I had never seen the Soviets win a match cleanly before tonight, and they just pulled the trick three times in two hours!" Magilla: "And what a victory this is! AND WHAT A MOVE!... The Soviets will advance to the finals! Maybe we will see a rematch of Wednesday's WeWF World tag-team title defense?" Jimmy: "The Hoosiers should beat the Balk Widow and the Romulan Moron, but they will not defeat the Soviets tonight! NOBODY can beat the Soviets tonight!" Magilla: "We will see that in just a few moments; right now, Wince McLady is with The Ultimate Trekkies! Take it away, Wincent!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wince: "Admiral Chekov, there seems to be a alot of bad blood between your Trekkies and some people in the PWGeA." Chekov: "That's right, Wince, we have not yet fought one single match in the PWGeA, and we already have Jimmy Vendetta, Randy Hurricane and Club Anarchy at our throats. And you know what? We LOVE it!" Mauler: "The Battlecruisers will stay in the WeWF to wipe out the Oroboros, and me and the Black Widow will rip the PWGeA title away from Club Anarchy! When we are through with you, Silvah Hypocrisy, you won't find e-wrestling fun at all!" Black Widow: "And as far as YOU're concerned, Jimmy Velveeta, my partner here will teach you a lesson next week in singles competition, and after that, hahaha... there will be no escape from the Spider's Web, Velveeta!" Chekov: "The Ultimate Trekkies will prevail! Chekov out!" Wince: "Not a single word on the Hoosiers!... Let's go back to ringside!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Magilla: "The Hoosiers and the General are already in the ring, and the Ultimate Trekkies are beaming down!" Jimmy: "Why can't these twits WALK, like everyone else?" Magilla: "Erik will start things off against The Black Widow... Erik applies a side headlock; Black Widow whips him into the ropes, SLEEPER HOLD!!! THE SPIDER'S WEB ALREADY!!!" Jimmy: "But Erik easily reaches the ropes, and the referee breaks the hold." Magilla: "I think that the Black Widow wanted to prove a point to the WeWF tag-team champions, that the Trekkies were not pushovers, and I think he did just that!... Erik hiptosses the Black Widow, who comes right back with a head scisoors takedown... Erik tags out to Daemon... Black Widow hits him squarely in the head with a side kick, and a spinning back kick!... And double chops to the neck!... Black Widow tags out to the Romulan Mauler... Mauler snaps a quick rolling side-suplex on Daemon..." Jimmy: "I wonder if Club Anarchy will come out during this one!" Magilla: "Puh-lease, no!... Mauler whips Daemon off the ropes, but Daemon holds on and tags out to Erik... Erik locks up with the big 398 Mauler... And takes him down with a legtrip... Erik applies a chicken wing... And drops a knee to the Romulan's shoulder... Another knee drop... Erik pulls him back up... Arm wrench... Mauler tries to reach the Black Widow's extended hand... Makes it; the Black Widow is tagged in..." Jimmy: "Both teams have been able to avoid the critical blow so far; let's see who lets the guard down first. At this level, one error can be fatal." Magilla: "Black Widow is easily overpowered by Erik, who fires him into the ropes... Back body drop by Erik, but the Black Widow lands on his feet and bounces off the far ropes... Spider's Sting summersault dropkick!... WOW!" Missy: "I can't get enough of that move!" Jimmy: "Yeah, well take one in the face, and you will have had enough!" Missy: "Be polite, or your balding skull will be Spewed green!" Magilla: "Erik off the ropes... Back body drop by the Black Widow... Black Widow tags out to the Mauler... Erik crawls under the Mauler's legs and makes the tag to Daemon!... Daemon leps over the top rope and dropkicks the big Romulan... Mauler is reeling... Daemon bounces off the ropes... Clothesline!... The Mauler is not quite down yet!... Daemon off the ropes again... He jumps on the Mauler's back, and applies a sleeper!... Mauler is flailing his arms wildly, and unknowingly tags out!" Jimmy: "Lucky bastard!" Magilla: "Black Widow lets out a Kiai, and dazzles Daemon with a series of FAST punches!... And a Perfect Plex! One! Two! Kickout!... Black Widow off the ropes... Cross body block by Daemon who covers! One! Two! Kickout!" Missy: "Both teams got two-counts in five seconds!" Magilla: "Daemon and Black Widow studying each other... Daemon moves in and trips the Black Widow by pulling one of his legs... Elbow drop to the Black Widow's knee! And another one!... Daemon is applying a toehold!... A Spinning toehold!... But Black Widow catches him by the head and rolls him over! One! Two! Kickout!... Black Widow tags out to the Romulan Mauler... Mauler gets Daemon up with a HIGH vertical suplex... VERY HIGH... And he dumps him out of the ring!" Jimmy: "And that's where the Mauler is most dangerous: outside of the ring!" Magilla: "Mauler bodyslams Daemon on the concrete... And he picks him up for a front suplex... LegSmasher onthe ringside barriers!... Mauler is back in the ring... The referee is counting Daemon out: Seven! Eight! DAEMON BEATS THE COUNT!" Jimmy: "I have never seen anybody make it back in the ring after a LegSmasher! The Mauler must be devastated by this totally unpredictable outcome!" Magilla: "The Mauler does look shaken!.. Daemon runs past him and tags to Erik! Erik pummels the Mauler with left hooks! One! Another one! And another!... Erik whips the Mauler into the buckle... And Stinger splashes him!... The Mauler falls flat on his face!... Erik covers: One! Two! Kickout!... Erik picks up the Mauler once again... whips him to the ropes... Back body drop!.. Mauler off the ropes again, another back body d... NO! Mauler stopped his movement in time and WHAM! POWER BOMB by the Mauler! One! Two! THREE!" Coward: "The winners of this bout, THE ULTIMATE TREKKIES!!!" Magilla: "The Hoosiers are defeated! I believe that this is their first loss ever as a tag-team!" Jimmy: "I think so too, and they must be mighty glad that the Trekkies will not be in the WeWF for a while!" Magilla: "The Trekkies have beaten two of the three duos of world tag-team champions in the Summit, and their next opponents, The Soviets, have beaten the third! What a matchup!" Jimmy: "I still think that the Soviets will win it, and will go on to become the next PWGeA Tag-team champions... If Club Anarchy ever lose the belts, which is unlikely!" Magilla: "The Club did look impressive Wednesday night against The Law, but the Trekkies certainly gave them a run for their money earlier tonight!.. Right now, while Jimmy Vendetta, Missy Holliday, myself and the wrestlers take a break, let's go to ringside and get comments from the front-row guests! Take it away, Wince!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wince: "Thank you, Magilla! We will now talk to some of the VIP's here in the Olympic Stadium... You, who do you think will win this final match?" Arnold S. "The Russians are scum! They will fall to the Trekkies!" Wince: "And you Lord Winfred?" Lord Winfred: "Two tremendous teams, who have beat all odds to make their way to the ultimate confrontation! The Soviets are more proven, however, and I think that they will win!" Wince: "How about you, your Majesty?" Darth Vador: "The Emperor does not talk to mere peasants like you! Who wins doesn't matter; punishing the Trekkies is what counts!" Wince: "And you, Mr.President?" Ronald R.: "Zzzzzzzzzzz!^" Wince: "Well, the tournament is about ready to resume, so we will go back to Magilla and Jimmy!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Magilla: "Both teams are already in the ring and ready to fight!" Jimmy: "The Soviets more so than the Trekkies, since they had a little more time to rest!" Magilla: "The Tholian Black Widow gets in the ring first for his team. On the other side, Panther and Bear are having a conference to decide who will start out." Jimmy: "The Soviets are taking their time, and their making The Mosquito wait. If they get him frustrated, maybe they can make him make a mistake." Magilla: "You should know about making mistakes in matches!" Jimmy: "Bear and Panther still talking it over, and look, just like I predicted, The Foolian is impatient!" Magilla: "The Black Widow runs over to The Soviets' corner and rams their heads together! <crowd pops> He suplexes Panther into the ring!" Jimmy: "The Soviets have been Pearl Harbored!" Magilla: "They were delaying the match, Jimmy. Black Widow signals to the crowd... somersault dropkick! <crowd pops> That knocked Panther three quarters of the way across the ring! The Black Widow tags out." Jimmy: "Now The Romulan Moron is in the ring. He picks Panther up for a body slam... and slams him against the top turnbuckle!" Magilla: "Panther slumps to the ground, and The Mauler drops a knee on him. The Zampolit reached into the ring and raked The Mauler's face!" Jimmy: "That will slow down even somebody The Moo-ler's size." Magilla: "Panther gives The Mauler a double chop to the neck. And Panther tags out quickly, bringing Bear into the ring. Bear kicks The Mauler in the midsection, and hammers on his back with beefy forearms." Jimmy: "Bear is a great technician isn't he?" Magilla: "Bear wouldn't know a chicken wing from a clothesline! Bear kicks again, but The Mauler catches his foot! <crowd pops> Mauler spins him around... atomic drop! Clothesline by The Mauler!" Jimmy: "The Mauler is really taking advantage of his opponent's misfortune! How come nobody liked it when I did that?" Magilla: "The only people who like you are Club Anarchy's groupies, and they're insane! Irish whip by The Mauler... Bear grabs the ropes! He's pointing to his head, I guess he thinks he's smart!" Jimmy: "Compared to The Black Cockroach, he is!" Magilla: "The Romulan Mauler walks over... Bear is looking at the fans instead of the ring... The Mauler winds up for a big punch, but the referee hooks his arm!" Jimmy: "The Staller should have known that punching is illegal in wrestling." Magilla: "Except when you do it? Bear got a warning, now he spins around and clotheslines The Mauler! Now Bear tags Panther in." Jimmy: "Come on Panther! Put him away now!" Magilla: "Panther climbs to the top turnbuckle and drops a knee on The Mauler. He covers... One, two, kickout! Panther bouces off the ropes and drops an elbow. One, two, kickout, with more authority this time." Jimmy: "Don't let The Faller up, Panther!" Magilla: "Panther goes for another elbow drop... but The Romulan Mauler rolls away! Panther bounces off the ropes and dropkicks The Mauler! Panther climbs to the top rope, and plants a fist right between The Mauler's eyes!" Jimmy: "One, two, kickout again! What does it take to beat that guy?" Magilla: "The Mauler is crawling back to his corner... But Panther stomps on his hands! That's despicable. Now Panther struts back to his corner, and tags Bear... And The Mauler lunges and tags The Black Widow! <crowd pops> Bear comes in and gets dropkicked in the face!" Jimmy: "A series of jabs by The Black Stink Bug!" Magilla: "The Black Widow off the ropes, no! He's tripped by The Zampolit!" Jimmy: "What a dummy! He had four ropes to bounce off of, and he chose the one where The Zampolit was standing." Magilla: "Bear tags out to Panther, who's more capable of dealing with the Tholian's speed." Jimmy: "Panther goes for a flying headscissors, but The Black Fly stays on his feet!" Magilla: "Panther is in a very precarious position, hanging upside down from The Black Widow's shoulders... Axehandle from behind by Bear! That knocks The Tholian down, allowing Panther to complete the move." Jimmy: "Bear and Panther are working well as a team, and that's what it takes to win this tournament. Panther is locking his legs in tighter, trying to get The Black Worm to submit." Magilla: "That's a mistake, never try to outwrestle The Widow! He rolls to his feet, and stands up. Panther's shoulders are down... One, two, he lifts a shoulder up. Bear comes in and pounds on The Black Widow from behind! I didn't see a tag." Jimmy: "So? You don't have to tag, you just have to signal to your partner." Magilla: "Oh puh-leez! Panther rolls out of the ring, I guess the referee thought there was a tag. Bear whips The Black Widow into the corner, and he flips over the turnbuckles! <crowd pops> No wrestler today can do that!" Jimmy: "I can!" Magilla: "Bear tries to slingshot The Black Widow back into the ring, but The Black Widow is too quick for him! Sunset flip! One, two, kickout!" Jimmy: "Don't let The Black Tarantula tag!" Magilla: "The Widow tags out! The Romulan Mauler comes in, and he's on fire! He punches Bear, then runs to The Soviets' corner and punches Panther! The Zampolit gets up on the apron, and The Mauler punches him too! <crowd pops> Bear rakes The Mauler's face and puts him in a Torture Rack!" Jimmy: "I knew Bear was strong, but I'm impressed! He got The Mauler up on his back!" Magilla: "Admiral Chekov is telling The Mauler to fight it, and The Mauler is struggling around... And Bear can't handle the weight! He drops to his knees and releases The Mauler!" Jimmy: "Oh no! Don't let this happen!" Magilla: "Backbreaker by The Romulan Mauler! He whips Bear into the corner, and Bear's back is hurting! The Mauler charges in for an avalanche... And Bear catches him! Bear steps out of the corner and delivers a spinebuster! There's a cover by Bear, and he's putting his foot on the ropes for leverage!" Jimmy: "One!" Magilla: "Two!" Jimmy: "Kickout by The Mauler! The crowd can't believe it! I can't believe it! Bear tags to Panther! The Mauler tags The Black Widow!" Magilla: "Monkey flip by The Black Widow! He drops Panther with an elbow tackle, and now he's mounting the ropes. Flying body press by The Black Widow!" Jimmy: "But Panther used The Mauler's momentum and rolled him over!" Magilla: "One!" Jimmy: "Two!" Magilla: "Kickout by The Black Widow! He gets back to his feet and gives Panther a brainbuster! <crowd pops> One, two, kickout by Panther!" Jimmy: "Panther tags out to Bear! Bear comes in and leans back for a big double axehandle, but The Black Widow punches him in the stomach! <crowd pops> Bear doubles over... DDT by The Black Widow! One..." Magilla: "Two!" Jimmy: "And thr- no! Kickout by Bear!" Magilla: "The Black Widow quickly tags The Romulan Mauler, who's going up to the top rope... He's going to splash Bear!" Jimmy: "Panther shakes the ropes! The Black Slime Mold punches Panther!" Magilla: "It's mayhem in there! The Romulan Mauler is going to piledrive Bear... No, back body drop by Bear! But his back is really hurting now!" Jimmy: "The punishment he took earlier is coming back to haunt him!" Magilla: "The Zampolit climbs up on the apron, but Admiral Chekov pulls him back! <crowd pops> It's mayhem! The two managers are fighting, Panther and The Widow are fighting out there, and the match still goes on!" Jimmy: "Bear chokes The Mauler, forcing him down to his knees! Now Bear is going for a piledriver!" Magilla: "But his back is hurt too badly, he can't lift The Mauler up!" Jimmy: "The Crawler wriggles away from Bear, but Bear kicks him in the ribs and sets him up for another piledriver..." Magilla: "This time it's a gourdbuster! Bear covers!" Jimmy: "One!" Magilla: "Two!" Jimmy: "Three! It's over! The Soviets win the tournament!" Magilla: "But they don't have a chance to celebrate! Admiral Chekov and The Black Widow are chasing The Zampolit and Panther back to the dressing rooms!" Jimmy: "Nobody thought Bear was even partially intelligent, but he outsmarted everybody! We all thought he was going to try to permanently cripple himself by delivering a piledriver, but he did a gourdbuster instead! What a genius!" Magilla: "Uh-huh. Nevertheless, The Soviets win the tournament." Jimmy: "And that's the bottom line, isn't it?" Magilla: "Well, I guess it is. And speking of bottom lines, we have reached the end of our live coverage of the first Summit of E-Wrestling; for Baboon Tempest, Robby the Lame, Lord Winfred Vague, Wince McLady, Green Jean Oktoberfest, The Patriot, Sunn Mooner, Admiral Chekov, Missy Holliday and Jimmy Vendetta, this is Magilla Mongoose saying: so long, and see you, hopefully, at the second Summit!" Jimmy: "Where I will win the unified World's Heavyweight Title! You can take THAT to the bank!" (black out) Up