SUMMIT OF E-WRESTLING CARD #1

From: laramee@IRO.UMontreal.CA (Dominic Laramee)

Date: Thu, 11 Jul 1991 01:38:41 +0000

THE SUMMIT OF E-WRESTLING INTER-FEDERATION CARD
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(Live, from Chicago, IL)

Baboon: "Hello everyone and welcome to the Rosemont Horizon in suburban
    Chicago!  I'm Baboon Tempest and with me is my co-host, Robby the Lame."

Robby: "We've got a lot of big inter-federation matches set up, and all three
    E-Wrestling Federations are represented."

Baboon: "Absolutely.  We've got wrestlers from the EMWA, the WeWF, and the PWGeA
    on hand for this extravaganza!  History will be made tonight, especially
    in the main event: title for title, "Irish" Mike Flint against Billy
    Thunder!"

Robby: "And that's not all!  Tomorrow we've got a 30-man over the top Royal
    Rumble, and on Friday we have a Tag Team Tournament!"

Baboon: "Robby and I will be at ringside, and our ace reporters will be hovering
    around the arena, looking for insights."

Robby: "The WeWF's announcers are here (that's us), the PWGeA's Coward Pickle
    is doing wrestler introductions, and the EMWA's Bruno Morales and his
    security force will be on hand to make sure there is no interference in
    the matches."

Baboon: "Let's hear how one manager prepared his wrestlers for the Summit."

Green Jean: "Simon Bolendorf, what have your wrestlers been doing to prepare?"

Simon: "My boys have been taking it easy lately, and it's shown in their
    loss of some pretty stupid matches.  But I locked The Maniacs in a padded
    cell for 4 weeks, and The Crusher's been locked insided a safe for 3 weeks,
    all to prepare for these battle royals!"

Green Jean: "Let's go to our first match!"

The Mage's Gallery vs. The Four Corners and The Shadow Assassins
         in a Six on Six Elimination Match

Baboon: "Our first big match pits wrestlers from all three federations against
    each other.  The Mage's Gallery of the EMWA have signed to join the PWGeA,
    and they should do well there!"

Robby: "Only if they can get past the Shadow Assassins, who are already there.
    The Four Corners of the WeWF are one of the best foursomes in the sport,
    and they should make fools out of their opponents tonight.  Let's hear from
    the Mage's Gallery."

Green Jean: "Green Jean Oktoberfest, hear with former EMWA Champion John
    Girder.  John, do you have anything to say going into this gigantic match?"

Girder: "Shadow Assassins--where do you get off saying I never successfully
    defended a belt?  The PainMasters still have the longest active reign as
    3-man champions in EMWA history!  And tonight, punks, we're gonna teach
    you and your no-good friends WHY we called ourselves the PAINMASTERS!"

Green Jean: "Back to you, Baboon."

Baboon: "The EMWA Painmasters did hold the six man belts for a long time.  Let's
    go to Coward Pickle for the introductions!"

Coward: "First, ("The Zoo" by the Scorpions plays on the speakers) accompanied
    by Smooth: BudMan, DiMadMan, and The Plaid Powerhouse.  Their partners
    for this event, The Re-Animator and The Shadow Assassins: Johnny Vicious
    and Ricky Dangerous!"

Robby: "Yeah!  This is a dream team!"

Coward: "And their opponents ("Am I Evil" by Diamondhead) from Pittsburgh,
    Pennsylvania, weighing 390 pounds, Mettalicus!  ("Surgical Strike" by
    Queensryche) From parts unknown, at a total combined weight of 480 pounds,
    the EMWA World Tag-Team Champions, The New Mystics!  ("Tom Sawyer" by
    Rush) From Detroit, Michigan at 380 pounds, John Girder!  From Chicago,
    Illinois and weighing 325 pounds, Fury!  And from Seattle, Washington
    weighing 265 pounds, Warren Hammer!"

Baboon: "The Shadow Assassins sneak into the ring from behind the Mage's
    Gallery, and the match is underway already!"

Robby: "All 12 wrestlers going at it, I can't call all this action!"

Baboon: "A team of referees have got the match under control, and The Plaid
    Powerhouse will start out for the Four Corners, against Fury from the
    Mage's Gallery."

Robby: "Fury bowls the Powerhouse over with a big clothesline!  And he grabs the
    Powerhouse by the hair and throws him out of the ring!  I've never seen
    anyone manhandle Double P like that!"

Baboon: "The Powerhouse coming back into the ring more cautiously...  He locks
    up with Fury, and Fury is powering him into a neutral corner.  Fury whips
    him to the opposite corner and charges in... no!  The Plaid Powerhouse got
    his foot up, and that staggered Fury.  He charges, and knocks him back with
    a shoulderblock!"

Robby: "Incredible!  Fury is still on his feet!  He goes off the ropes, and
    comes back for a shoulderblock of his own!"

Baboon: "Leg trip takedown by The Plaid Powerhouse, and he tags out to Shadow
    Assassin Ricky Dangerous."

Robby: "Smooth is doing a good job of directing traffic in there."

Baboon: "Dangerous drops an elbow into Fury's back.  He pulls Fury back to
    his feet, scoops him and slams him hard on the canvas!"

Robby: "Ricky Dangerous stops to talk to his partners.  He just said he's gonna
    break Fury's back!"

Baboon: "He should have been keeping an eye on his opponent!  Fury just tagged
    out and Warren Hammer is in the ring now!"

Robby: "Hammer slaps on a full nelson!  Dangerous is flailing around, but
    he can't get to the ropes!"

Baboon: "Ricky Dangerous submits, and he is eliminated!"

Robby: "He should have been paying attention.  Now it's 6 on 5."

Baboon: "DiMadMan comes in to tangle with Warren Hammer.  Hammer with a side
    headlock, but DiMadMan atomic drops him!  Roll-up from behind by DiMadMan,
    but Warren Hammer gets out of it."

Robby: "Irish whip by DiMadMan...  Hammer goes for a cross-body block, but
    DiMadMan catches him and drops him neck first on the ropes!"

Baboon: "Fistdrop off the second rope by DiMadMan, and that's all for Warren
    Hammer."

Robby: "See how quickly the Four Corners can turn the tide of a match?"

Baboon: "And look who's coming into the ring for the Mage's Gallery!  It's
    Metallicus!"

Robby: "DiMadMan goes for a forearm shot...  Not much effect, and Metallicus
    presses DiMadMan into the air!"

Baboon: "What an overhead toss by Metallicus, and DiMadMan is thrown right into
    the Mage's Gallery's corner!"

Robby: "Metallicus tags out to John Girder, and he's wearing down DiMadMan."

Baboon: "Good scientific holds applied by Girder, and now he tags out to Fury!"

Robby: "The Magician is keeping his wrestlers fresh, because he knows he can't
    win this match quickly."

Baboon: "Fury whips DiMadMan off the ropes...  DiMadMan slides under Fury's
    legs!  DiMadMan pushes Fury to the ropes and rolls him up... and uses the
    ropes for leverage!"

Robby: "One, two, three.  That's it for Fury, now it's 5 on 4."

Baboon: "The HellKats are complaining to the ref, but he didn't see anything."

Robby: "They have no business being at ringside!  Let's get the match moving."

Baboon: "DiMadMan tags out to Johnny Vicious of the Shadow Assassins."

Robby: "Wizard is coming in for the Mage's Gallery, and we've got two good
    aerialists in there."

Baboon: "A headscissors takedown by Johnny Vicious!  He drops an elbow into
    The Wizard's throat, and he goes for the cover, but only gets two."

Robby: "The Wizard gets up and gives Vicious an inverted atomic drop."

Baboon: "That staggered him, and there's a monkey flip by The Wizard!"

Robby: "But Vicious gets up quickly and dropkicks Wizard!  Vicious with a
    vicious neckbreaker!"

Baboon: "Irish whip by Vicious, but Wizard tags the Hunter when he hits the
    ropes."

Robby: "Powerslam by Vicious!  He's got the Wizard pinned, but the Hunter is
    the legal man!"

Baboon: "The Hunter kicks Vicious in the ribs, and the tide has turned again."

Robby: "Hunter with a high suplex!  He's going for the pin..."

Baboon: "One, two, no!  A save by BudMan!"

Robby: "More teamwork by The Four Corners' team!"

Baboon: "Vicious crawls back to his corner and tags in BudMan."

Robby: "BudMan pounds on the Hunter and tags out to DiMadMan.  DiMadMan jumps
    off the top rope with an axehandle into The Hunter's back.  And he tags
    back out to BudMan!"

Baboon: "Another double team move!  They aren't letting up for a minute!  Smooth
    just passed an international object to BudMan, who slips it under his
    mask!  A thunderous headbutt by BudMan, and The Hunter goes down!"

Robby: "One of the HellKats is complaining to the referee again!  She shouldn't
    even be there!  The referee shakes BudMan's mask, and the object falls out!"

Baboon: "BudMan cheated, but it backfired.  He is disqualified!"

Robby: "It's 4 on 4, but The Hunter isn't going anywhere.  Johnny Vicious comes
    back in and gives him a piledriver!"

Baboon: "One, two, three.  Stick a fork in The Hunter, he's done.  It's 4 on
    3, Lame."

Robby: "The Plaid Powerhouse, The Re-Animator, DiMadMan, and Johnny Vicious left
    for the Four Corners-Shadow Assassins team, while Metallicus, John Girder,
    and The Wizard remain for The Mage's Gallery."

Baboon: "It's going to be John Girder coming into the ring for the Mage's
    Gallery.  Johnny Vicious doesn't want to face the former World Champion,
    and he tags out to The Plaid Powerhouse."

Robby: "The Powerhouse locks up with Girder, and Girder hiptosses him to the
    mat.  The Powerhouse gets up, and Girder puts him right back down again
    with another hiptoss!"

Baboon: "The Powerhouse back to his feet...  Belly-to-back suplex by John
    Girder!  That's his finisher, and it finished The Plaid Powerhouse."

Robby: "Now we're down to 3 on 3."

Baboon: "Johnny Vicious is coming in for his team.  He rakes Girder's face
    and quickly tags out to the Re-Animator.  Re-Animator knocks Girder down
    with a punch, and goes off the ropes... spash!  One, two, kickout!"

Robby: "Girder got out the back door, but he isn't out of the woods yet."

Baboon: "Vicious tagged back in, and he gives Girder a legdrop!"

Robby: "They're keeping DiMadMan fresh."

Baboon: "Knee lift by Vicious!  He picks Girder up, and he's going for a power
    bomb...  No, John Girder back body drops him!  Girder crawls over to make
    a tag, but Vicious has him by the foot...  Girder is inching his way
    there...  He makes the tag!"

Robby: "Metallicus comes in, and he's much bigger than Johnny Vicious!  No fair!
    Pick on someone your own size!"

Baboon: "Metallicus whips Vicious off the ropes into a clothesline!  That blow
    almost flipped Vicious all the way around!  Metallicus tags in The Wizard,
    and Metallicus picks Vicious up in the air...  Drop kick off the top rope
    by the Wizard!  Vicious is out cold!  One, two, three!"

Robby: "That's The New Mystics finisher, with Metallicus taking Hunter's place
    in that move.  We may be seeing that move a lot in the tournament."

Baboon: "DiMadMan comes in and pounds on Wizard immediately after the pin!  He
    gives The Wizard a shoulder breaker, and covers, but only gets a one count."

Robby: "Wizard is using the ropes to get back to his feet...  A clothesline by
    DiMadMan sends him out onto the floor!"

Baboon: "The Wizard is getting back into the ring, but The Re-Animator nails
    him with a chair!"

Robby: "And that's it for The Wizard!  He won't get back into the ring after
    that."

Baboon: "The Wizard has been counted out, and now it's 2 on 2!  Metallicus and
    John Girder against DiMadMan and the Re-Animator."

Robby: "And Metallicus is coming into the ring.  The Magician wants to give
    Girder more time to rest."

Baboon: "Metallicus kicks DiMadMan, then slams him face first into the mat.
    DiMadMan gets away by raking Metallicus' face, and he tags out to The
    Re-Animator!"

Robby: "And now the two big men are in there!  They're circling each other
    and sizing each other up."

Baboon: "Metallicus rushes The Re-Animator and throttles him, but Re-Animator
    battles back and is choking Metallicus!  And Metallicus picks The
    Re-Animator up and slams him!"

Robby: "I've never seen that done before!"

Baboon: "Metallicus going to work with double axehandles onto The Re-Animator!
    He tags to John Girder.  Girder drops an elbow, but The Re-Animator rolls
    away at the last second, and tags out to DiMadMan."

Robby: "Two former champs and great technical wrestlers are in there."

Baboon: "Girder puts a hammerlock on DiMadMan, but DiMadMan reaches down
    and pulls one of Girder's legs out from under him!  Figure four leglock
    applied by DiMadMan!"

Robby: "Bjorn "The Sweedish Pretzel" is here in spirit, if not in body.  That's
    his signature move right there."

Baboon: "Girder can't get to the ropes, and he submits!"

Robby: "It's two on one now!  DiMadMan and the Re-Animator against Metallicus!"

Baboon: "Metallicus comes in quickly and smashes DiMadMan with an elbow.
    DiMadMan goes down and Metallicus puts him in a Boston crab!"

Robby: "DiMadMan is crawling to the ropes, and Smooth is pushing the ropes in,
    making it easier for DiMadMan to get there...  But The HellKats push
    Smooth away from the ropes, and DiMadMan can't get to them!"

Baboon: "DiMadMan submits, and now it's just one on one!"

Robby: "What flagrant interference by the HellKats!  They should be fined and
    suspended."

Baboon: "The Re-Animator clotheslined Metallicus in the back of the head
    before he could release the Boston crab.  Now he's slapped a surfboard on
    Metallicus, but Metallicus grabs the ropes."

Robby: "The Re-Animator is stomping away at Metallicus, and Metallicus rolls
    out of the ring."

Baboon: "Re-Animator follows him out, but Metallicus hits him with a hard
    right hand, then suplexes him on the concrete!"

Robby: "Metallicus climbs back to the ring apron, and he's going to splash the
    Re-Animator!  Wham!"

Baboon: "That'll give you a negative attitude!  Metallicus rolls the Re-Animator
    back into the ring, and goes for the cover...  One, two, three!"

Robby: "The Mage's Gallery win the match!  Metallicus is the sole survivor!"

Baboon: "The Magician and the HellKats climb into the ring and raise Metallicus'
    arms in victory!"

Robby: "I believe you meant to say: Metallicus raises the HellKats arms in
    victory.  They're the ones who won the match.  They should have been in
    there wrestling The Four Corners!  I bet Smooth has revenge planned for
    them!"

Baboon: "Maybe so, Robby.  Let's go to our next match."

The Grim Reaper vs. Brewster Cogburn

Robby: "Jack Moran is bringing his man, Brewster Cogburn to the ring.  They're
    riding on a scaffold, and Cogburn has a hangman's noose!"

Baboon: "We saw that noose at WrestleWarMania!  I hope he doesn't use it on
    The Reaper like he did on Inferno."

Robby: "Speaking of The Reaper, here he comes.  He's got a scythe.  Both
    wrestlers have their symbols of death, I guess."

Baboon: "Jack Moran had better stay on the outside.  I've had enough of him
    bashing Cogburn's opponents with his cane!"

Robby: "Jack Moran is pointing his cane at The Reaper and lecturing him, and
    that gives Cogburn the opportunity...  Wham!  Clothesline from behind!"

Baboon: "Brewster hit The Grim Reaper from behind, and The Reaper is down!
    Jack Moran is putting that cane into use already!"

Robby: "The referee told Moran to get out of the ring, but the damage has
    been done.  The Grim Reaper is already hurt, and the match hasn't even
    started yet!  I love it!"

Baboon: "There was certainly no call for that.  Cogburn is applying a camel
    clutch, and we may see a very quick victory!"

Robby: "The Grim Reaper is trying to power back to his feet!"

Baboon: "He makes it!  And he walks backwards into the corner, squashing Cogburn
    against the turnbuckles!  The Reaper is choking the former Intercontinental
    Champion!"

Robby: "Look at his eyes!  The Grim Reaper is upset at Cogburn!"

Baboon: "No doubt about it, and he hurls Cogburn out of the corner!  The Reaper
    picks Cogburn up for a slam, but Cogburn, a consumate wrestler, slides
    out of it.  Brewster goes off the ropes and shoulderblocks The Grim Reaper,
    but it just seemed to make him madder!"

Robby: "The Reaper puts Cogburn in a bear hug!  With his power, I don't think
    Cogburn can escape!"

Baboon: "But he does, with a rake to the face.  Cogburn suplexes The Reaper.
    There's a cover, but he only gets a one count.  Brewster unloads on The
    Grim Reaper with a flurry of punches to the head!  Come on ref, don't let
    him get away with that!"

Robby: "Brewster Cogburn is stooping to some low tactics, and there's another!
    He just ground the heel of his boot into The Grim Reaper's forehead!"

Baboon: "Cogburn bounces off the ropes and drops a fist onto The Reaper.  He
    covers again, but only gets one!  Cogburn pulls The Grim Reaper back to
    his feet, and The Reaper slams him!  What resilience on the part of The Grim
    Reaper!"

Robby: "The Grim Reaper bounces off the ropes, but Jack Moran rams the cane
    into The Grim One's lower back!"

Baboon: "Brewster Cogburn cinches him up and gives him a... slingshot suplex!
    One, two, three!"

Robby: "A clean win for Cogburn!  That's a switch!"

Baboon: "I wouldn't call it a clean win.  After all, Jack Moran's cane figured
    into it.  Wait a minute, Cogburn is choking The Grim Reaper with his
    hangman's noose!"

Robby: "Services for Mr. Reaper will be in five minutes."

Baboon: "Get some security people in there!  Yes, Bruno Morales and his security
    force drive Cogburn away!"

Robby: "The Reaper sure is lucky!  Brewster Cogburn chalks up another won in
    his win column, and let's go to the next match."

Lightning Bolt vs. Bjorn "The Sweedish Pretzel"
         for the WeWF US Title

Robby: "Here come Bjorn "The Sweedish Pretzel" and his manager, Smooth.  As
    usual they are getting garbage thrown at them."

Baboon: "But we have a very good crew at the Summit, and they quickly clean
    up the trash for Lightning Bolt!  Here he comes!"

Robby: "The crowd is really excited, they must think this youngster has a
    chance in there."

Baboon: "There's the bell, but Bjorn hasn't started wrestling, he's just getting
    in Lightning Bolt's face and shouting at him!  Come on, wrestle!"

Robby: "Lightning Bolt is upset, and he winds up for a big punch, but Bjorn
    blocks it and hits Bolt with a hard chop.  What a great plan by Bjorn,
    riling the Bolt enough that he makes mistakes!"

Baboon: "Bjorn has the advantage early on, here, he's chopping away at Lightning
    Bolt in the corner!  The referee telling them to get out of the corner,
    and Bjorn slaps Lightning Bolt in the face!"

Robby: "Bjorn is enjoying himself!  Lightning Bolt is no competition for him."

Baboon: "Bjorn whips Lightning Bolt into the far corner, and he's signalling
    for the Sweedish Pretzel leglock already!"

Robby: "Why not, the match is almost over!"

Baboon: "Lightning Bolt comes out of the corner and dropkicks Bjorn!  Bjorn
    gets back up, and Bolt slams him back down!  The Sweedish Pretzel goes
    out of the ring to get a breather!"

Robby: "He's trying to break his opponent's momentum, but look!  Lightning
    Bolt follows him to the floor!"

Baboon: "Lightning Bolt throws Bjorn back into the ring, and rolls back in
    as well.  And Bjorn is begging him off!"

Robby: "Bolt wasn't prepared for that, he isn't sure what to do, and he's
    looking at the crowd."

Baboon: "The crowd shouting to take Bjorn apart, but Bjorn yanks one of Bolt's
    legs out from under him!  He's signalling for the Sweedish Pretzel figure
    four again!"

Robby: "And this time he slaps it on!  It's over!"

Baboon: "No it isn't!  Lightning Bolt rolls over and reverses the move!"

Robby: "I've never seen that done before!  Bjorn grabs the ropes!"

Baboon: "They both get up quickly, and Lightning Bolt armdrags Bjorn down.
    Bjorn gets back up, and Lightning Bolt dropkicks him again!"

Robby: "The impact knocked Bjorn back to a corner, and Lightning Bolt is
    going to monkey flip him out of the corner!"

Baboon: "But no, Smooth grabs Bjorn's tights.  Lightning Bolt can't get Bjorn
    airborne, and he lands on the back of his head.  Now Bjorn mounts the
    ropes, and jumps off with an elbow drop.  One, two, three.  A successful
    title defense by The Sweedish Pretzel!"

Robby: "Lightning Bolt put up a good fight, but hey, Bjorn is one of the best
    wrestlers in the WeWF.  Lightning Bolt will be successful if he learns
    to wrestle people of his own caliber...  The Unknown Masked Wrestler for
    example!"

Baboon: "Give me a break!  Let's get to our next match!"

The General & Sergeant Sledge Hammer vs. Plague Dog & Tom "The Animal" Brown

Robby: "Two inter-federation teams facing off!  This match will make history,
    Tempest."

Baboon: "No doubt about it.  And this match was signed after Plague Dog
    interfered in the match between The General and The Animal.  The Dog
    and The Animal really did a number on The General, Lame."

Robby: "Let's go to an interview with The Animal and Plague Dog."

Green Jean: "We're just moments away from the match.  What do you have to
    say, Animal?"

Animal: "I'd like to tell youse all that the Animal is tickled pink to find a
    true stablemate in the Plague Dog.

Green Jean: "But what about Mr. B, your partner in The 007 Special?"

Animal: "Let's just say that Mr. B is a little...well... too calm for us wild
    ones."

Green Jean: "Hmm.  What about your opponents, The General and Sledge Hammer?"

Animal: "As for our opponents, The Genital and Sgt. Sludge-Rammer, [shakes
    head]... pips on your shoulder didn't save you from a caning last time, and
    tonight me and the Dog are gonna go ANIMAL on you and your subordinate!
    You know, down under we don't think much of rank, Mr Genital; we took your
    yankee orders in the last couple of wars and died for you, but now the
    Animal has come to show everyone out there not to take that sort of crap!
    Let's see who gives the orders tonight - your stripes or the call of the
    WILD!"

[both The Animal and Plague Dog exit, howling wildly]

Green Jean: "Let's go to The General."

The General is pacing back and forth with a mike in his hand:
Sledge Hammer is behind him.

General: "Animal!  Plague Dog!  It's almost time to send you two to the pound!
    You've cut me, cut me bad, but I've had my rabies shots, and I'm back
    better than ever!  Be prepared to feel the wrath of the Living Legends!"

Sledge Hammer grabs the mike.

Sledge: "I taught you two a lesson the last time we met, and I'm ready to give
    more!  They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks...  Well that
    must be why you dorks want more!  Let's go!"

Coward: "From Oodnadatta, Australia ("Wild Thing" plays on the sound system),
    weighing in at 240 lbs, the hardest man in wrestling today, Tom "The Animal"
    Brown!!!  And his partner, The Plague Dog!"

Robby: "They look wild!"

Coward: "(Music starts with "Indiana our Indiana") Here they are, coming to
    ringside...  Weighing in at 240 pounds, 3 time former WeWF heavyweight
    champion, from Bloomington, Indiana, The General!!!!!  (Bad to the Bone by
    George Thurgood) And his partner, weighing in at 230 pounds, former PWGeA
    Heavyweight Champion of the World, Sledge Hammer!!!!!!"

Baboon: "Listen to the ovation for The General and Sledge Hammer!"

Robby: "Big deal.  They have The Hoosiers with them, so they must be expecting
    some kind of trouble from Dr. Down-Under."

Baboon: "He's interfered in matches before, no question about it.  Tom Brown
    clotheslines The General, and Plague Dog shoulderblocks Sledge!  The
    match is already underway.  Sledge hits Plague Dog with a spinning kick,
    and The General atomic drops The Animal!"

Robby: "Tom Brown flops out of the ring, and that leaves The General and
    Sledge on Plague Dog.  The General whips The Dog off the ropes, and
    Sledge crescent kicks him!  The General drops an elbow!"

Baboon: "The General goes back to his corner, and Sledge continues to work
    on The Plague Dog.  He's got a spinning toehold, and he tags out to
    The General.  The General kicks Plague Dog in the vulnerable leg, and
    Sledge goes back to the corner.  Now it's The General's turn to work
    on Plague Dog."

Robby: "No offense yet by The Dog.  The referee should do something about
    this double teaming."

Baboon: "It's all within the rules, Robby.  The General bounces off the
    far ropes, but Dr. Down-Under pulls the top rope down!  The General
    falls out to the floor!"

Robby: "I didn't see Dr. Down-Under touch the ropes, you must be imagining
    things, Tempest."

Baboon: "The officiating isn't very good at the Summit, apparently.  Plague
    Dog tags out to Tom "The Animal" Brown, and The Dog will get time to
    rest.  Dr. Down-Under rolls The General back into the ring, and Brown
    is choking The General while using the ropes for leverage!"

Robby: "But he isn't breaking any rules!  He stops choking him every time
    the referee gets to five."

Baboon: "Brown picks The General up and slams him, then tags back to Plague
    Dog."

Robby: "The Dog howls!  That isn't good for The General!"

Baboon: "Plague Dog splashes The General and goes for a pin, but The General
    kicks out.  Plague Dog bounces off the ropes and drops a headbutt into
    The General's gut.  He goes for another cover, but again The General
    kicks out.  An Irish whip by Plague Dog sends The General off the ropes,
    and they clothesline each other!"

Robby: "Now it's going to go to who can tag out first!"

Baboon: "Plague Dog makes the first tag, and Tom Brown comes in, but The General
    tags out too!  Sledge Hammer comes in and punches Brown in the face!  Irish
    whip by Sledge, and Tom Brown goes flying through the air after a big
    back body drop!  Sledge thrust kicks Brown, and hits him with a withering
    chop!"

Robby: "Hammer picks The Animal up and suplexes him...  One, two, kickout!"

Baboon: "Sergeant Sledge brings The Animal back to his feet, and The Animal
    rakes Sledge's face!  The General gets in the ring and he is complaining
    about the poor officiating in this match!"

Robby: "What a sore loser!  He got one bad call and he's upset!"

Baboon: "Plague Dog comes in while the ref is tied up with The General, and
    he clotheslines Sledge.  The Animal drops a knee on Sledge, and Plague
    Dog follows with a knee drop of his own.  The General joins the fray,
    and it's a pier six brawl!"

Robby: "The General throws Tom "The Animal" Brown out of the ring, right at
    the feet of Dr. Down-Under!  Sledge Hammer is trying for a backslide
    on Plague Dog, but he can't get him over."

Baboon: "Yes!  Clothesline by The General, and Plague Dog slides down Hammer's
    back into a pin position...  One, two, three!"

Robby: "No!  The General and Hammer win the match.  Dr. Down-Under just zapped
    Sledge with the TASER!  Tom Brown is attacking The General from behind,
    and Dr. Down-Under uses the TASER again on Sledge!"

Baboon: "The Hoosiers hit the ring and make the save!  There go Dr. Down-Under
    and the two heels.  That's why The General wanted them at ringside, Lame.
    Let's go on to the next match."

Mr. Mercury vs. The Aztec Mummy
         for the PWGeA North America Title in a Lumberjack Match

Baboon: "The two-time North American champion, surfer-boy Mr Mercury, will
    now defend his title against one of the weirdest competitors in
    e-wrestling history, The Aztec Mummy!"

Robby: "The Mummy is just beginning what will certainly be an outstanding
    career, Baboon, and I am sure that he will take the belt tonight."

Baboon: "Hum... The Mummy is classified as a jobber by the PWGeA, so I would
    be very surprised if he pulled the upset... Anyway, here are the
    20 lumberjacks who will surround the ring and make sure that no one
    can escape. I see Mike Flint, The Big Kahuna, Frank Steel, Tomahawk,
    Sargent Sledge Hammer..."

Robby: "Johnny Vicious, Ricky Dangerous, Bjorn "The Sweedish Pretzel"..."

Baboon: "The place is just packed with top wrestlers!  Let's go to the
    match!"

(Coward Pickle, the PWGeA's ring announcer, takes the mike.)

Coward: "Ladies and gentlemen! This next contest is a Limberjack match for the
    PWGeA North American Title!... Introducing first to my left, the
    challenger... From Tenochtitlan, Mexico... Weighing in at 435 pounds...
    THE AZTEC MUMMMMMMMMMYYYY!!! (BOOOOOOHHH!)... And his opponent...
    (Typical Beach Boys tune blaring off the speakers)... From Sunny Beach,
    California... Weighing 230 pounds.... Mr MERRRRRCCCC-CURY!!!"

(bell rings)

Baboon: "As soon as the bell rings, Mr Mercury climbs to the top rope and
    executes a PERFECT back sommersault, much to Mike Flint's delight!..
    And another one!.."

Robby: "Let that showboat waste his energy on pointless acrobatics; soon, the
    Aztec Mummy will make him regret the lost calories."

Baboon: "The Aztec Mummy is not impressed with Mercury's antics, and shows
    him the middle finger, to big jeers from the fans!... Mercury is
    incensed!  He moves in for a body slam... Blocked by the Mummy, who
    whips the champ HARD into the buckle!"

Robby: "HEHEHEH!  I love it!  That idiot beach moron fell for the oldest trick
    in the book!  How in Heaven's name could he even DREAM of lifting
    all 435 pounds of the Mummy!"

Baboon: "Aztec Mummy charging Mercury as he leaves the corner... Mercury
    bends for the back bodydrop, but Mummy nails him with a punch in the
    face! Mercury is stumbling!... The Mummy challenges him to a test of
    strength... Mercury accepts... They lock hands... AND THE MUMMY
    IMMEDIATELY BRINGS THE CHAMP TO HIS KNEES IN PAIN!"

Robby: "Who said that The Aztec Mummy was a jobber?  He is almost good enough
    to be the Fifth Corner!"

Baboon: "Mercury is far from beaten, however; he gets back on his feet... locks
    up with the Mummy... Whips him into the ropes... Leaps into the air
    and BANG! Mercury Poisoning Dropkick! Mercury covers: One!  Kickout!..
    Mercury picks up the Mummy by the bandages and throws him into the
    ropes - NO! Mummy reverses the move, and send Mercury flying into the
    turnbuckle!... He follows him in... WHAM! Montezuma's Revenge Avalanche!
    Mercury falls flat on his face!"

Robby: "That's it! We have a new champion!"

Baboon: "Not so fast, Lame! Mummy covers: One, two, Kickout!  AND MERCURY
    HAS <<THE LOOK>> IN HIS EYES!"

Robby: "Aw, damn, not another Hogan gimmick!"

Baboon: "Mercury going for the top rope... HE STARTS RUNNING AROUND THE RING,
    ON THE TOP ROPE!  MERCURY RISING!"

Robby: "And indeed, the mutoids' temperature must be high!"

Baboon: "The Aztec Mummy has trouble keeping up with Mercury's running...
    Mercury stops in a corner... LEAPS ONTO THE MUMMY..."

Robby: "Who actches him in mid air with a powerslam!  One! Two!  Kickout!...
    And an elbow drop!  Come on, Mummy, you can do it!"

Baboon: "The champ is in jeopardy... Mummy picks him up by the hair...
    Gorilla Press!  The Aztec Mummy is walking around the ring with the
    North American champion over his head!... AND HE DUMPS HIM OVER THE
    ROPES, INTO THE LUMBERJACKS!"

Robby: "And Johnny Vicious leaps onto Mercury with a chair!  BANG!  Mercury
    juices abundantly!.. Rick Dangerous and DiMadMan slingshot Mercury
    into the ringpost!...

Baboon: "Finally, The Big Kahuna interferes with the onslaught, and allows
    Mercury to climb back into the ring..."

Robby: "Just as it was beginning to be exciting!"

Baboon: "Oh, puh-LEASE!.. The referee tries to break up the fight between
    the lumberjacks... AND AZTEC MUMMY FLASHES A FIREBALL IN MERCURY'S
    FACE!  HE COVERS!  ONE!  TWO!  KICKOUT!... The Mummy bounces off the
    ropes... Mummy's Claw!!!"

Robby: "IT'S OVER!"

Baboon: "Not quite!.. Mercury reaches and grabs the top rope, and the hold is
    broken... Mummy send Mercury into the ropes... Mercury bounces off
    with Head Scissors!... (crowd pops)... another head scissor!...
    And a crucifix!  One!  Two!  Kickout by the Mummy!"

Robby: "Both wrestlers came within inches of winning the match!"

Baboon: "Mercury signals for his finisher, the Death From Above, as he
    climbs the top turnbuckle! The Mummy is lying flat on his back!...
    Mercury leaps...  Mummy gets out of the way at the last moment!!!
    HE BOUNCES OFF THE ROPES...  SPLASH! AND A COVER!"

Robby: "One..."

Baboon: "Two..."

Robby: "THREE!!!  WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!!!"

Coward: "The winner of this bout, and NEW PWGeA North American Champion...
    THE AZTEC MUMMY!"

Baboon: "History being made here at the first Summit of E-Wrestling!"

Molly Maguire vs. Katrina

Robby: "Molly Maguire and Flint and Steel are coming to the ring first."

Baboon: "I guess they're there to make sure the Mage's Gallery stay away from
    their manager.  And now Katrina of the HellKats is coming down the aisle."

Coward: "(To "Hell's Bells" by AC/DC) From parts unknown, one half of the
    EMWA Women's Tag Team Champions, Katrina!"

Robby: "My vision must be blurry, I see two Katrina's!"

Baboon: "One of them must be here twin sister, Katherine.  Let's hope only
    one of them wrestles tonight."

Robby: "Molly and Katrina are circling each other...  Isn't there supposed
    to be Jell-O in this match?"

Baboon: "Of course not, this is legitimate pro-wrestling!  And there's a
    pro-wrestling hold, a headscissors takedown by Katrina!  Molly gets up,
    and Katrina monkey flips her halfway across the ring."

Robby: "Katrina is dominating this match!  No wonder she's one half of the
    EMWA Tag Team Champions!"

Baboon: "Drop kick by Katrina!  Molly gets back to her feet again, more slowly
    this time, and Katrina arm drags her to the mat!  And now Katrina applies
    an armbar."

Robby: "That should wear Molly down...  No, she escapes with a punch to the
    face."

Baboon: "Both wrestlers back to their feet, and Molly shoulderblocks Katrina
    down.  Molly pulls her opponent up by the hair, and rams her into the
    turnbuckle ten times!"

Robby: "The tide has turned, and Molly scoops Katrina up for a body slam."

Baboon: "Wow, Katrina held onto Molly when Molly tried to slam her, and their
    momentum pulled them both down!  Katrina hooked her legs under Molly's
    shoulders and rolled forward into a pinning move!  One, two, three!"

Robby: "What a gymnastic move!"

Baboon: "The two wrestlers are shaking hands after the match.  The male
    wrestlers could learn a lot about sportsmanship from these two."

Robby: "Sportsmanship, shortsmanship.  Nice guys finish last, Tempest."

The Hoosiers vs. The Soviets
         for the WeWF Tag Team Title

Baboon: "Uh-oh, here comes The Zampolit and The Soviets."

Robby: "I understand that if they win, they are taking the belts back to
    the Soviet Union."

Baboon: "They can't do that.  They'll have to stay in the U.S. and defend
    them once a week!  Let's hear from the champions."

The Hoosiers (Erik and Daemon) are with their manager the General...

Erik: "Russians!  You think that you guys are big and bad, huh?
    Well, here are two Americans that you won't be able to run over!"

Dameon: "We've learned a lot these past few weeks.  We've beaten the
    best that the WeWF has to offer.  The Soviet Union has nothing that
    can compare with the Law or RnR, and we beat both great teams handily."

Erik: "You two punks think that just because you can run roughshod over
    a couple jobbers here and there that you're a real team, well come
    try and run over us.  We're up for the challenge.  I grew up in Chicago,
    and played high school ball in Chicago.  It's a home court advantage
    if I ever heard of one.  I won't let my fans down!"

Daemon: "It's the Clash of the Titans, USSR vs. USA, and we're up
    for the challenge!  Bring it on Russians!"

General: "This will be a great challenge for my young team, but they're up for
    it.  They've beaten the best, and will continue to beat the best.  And
    Russians, don't think I'll be blind if you try and pull any hanky-panky from
    outside the ring!  Let's go to work!"

Robby: "And here come those idiots, The General and The Hoosiers!"

Coward: "("Back Home Again in Indiana" is playing over the loudspeakers) Coming
    down the aisle with their manager, 3 time WeWF world champion General,
    weighing in at a combined weight of 497 pounds, hailing from the Basketball
    capital of the world, Bloomington, Indiana, the youngest team ever to
    capture a tag team championship, here are your WeWF Tag Team Champions,
    Daemon, and Erik, the Hoosiers!!!!!!"

Baboon: "They're coming this way!  Look out Robby!  Whoah, Erik just slammed
    Robby's face into the table!  Much improved, if you asked me, but I don't
    have a color commentator anymore!  Robby, wake up!  Samurai and Kamakaze
    are coming down the aisle.  I haven't seen them in the WeWF in a long time,
    but I've heard that they went to Japan and now hold the NeWA Tag Team
    Titles!"

Vague: "Lord Winfred Vague replacing Robby the Lame.  Samurai and Kamakaze
    are inspecting Robby, but I believe he is unconcious."

Baboon: "Nice to have you here, Your Lordship.  The match meanwhile is getting
    started, and Daemon is set to lock up with The Panther."

Vague: "Indeed, Daemon locks up with Panther, and Panther is using Daemon's
    hair to maneuver him into a corner.  Panther goes for a forearm shot, but
    Daemon gets out of the corner quickly!"

Baboon: "A series of jabs by Daemon, and he quickly tags out to Erik.  Daemon
    holds Panther, and Erik comes in and hammers Panther to the back."

Vague: "But Panther fires back with a headbutt, and whips Erik off the ropes
    into a sleeper hold.  The Soviets are trying to end it early, Baboon."

Baboon: "Erik is trying to find the ropes, but he can't get there.  He changes
    tactics, and picks Panther up on his back and carries him to The Hoosiers'
    corner.  Erik tags out, and Daemon comes in."

Vague: "Daemon sweeps Panther's legs out from under him, and applies an inside
    knee breaker.  Panther is in pain, and he is crawling back to his corner.
    Daemon grabs him by the foot, but Panther rolls onto his back and monkey
    flips Daemon.  There's The Soviets' first tag, and now Bear is in the ring."

Baboon: "Bear gives Daemon a double underhook suplex, and that might be enough
    to pin him...  No, Daemon kicks out at one and a half.  Bear continues
    his assault with an atomic drop."

Vague: "Now Bear locks on a bear hug, and that move is cutting off Daemon's
    air supply.  He needs to escape quickly, or he will begin to fade.  Bear
    is cinching the move in tighter, and Daemon escapes by slapping Bear's
    ears!"

Baboon: "Daemon tries to make the tag to Erik, but Bear grabs him by the ankle
    and he can't reach his corner.  Bear tags to Panther, who comes in and
    drops an elbow on Daemon.  Panther whips him off the ropes and hiptosses
    him!  Panther slaps a surfboard on Daemon, and that could make him submit."

Vague: "Daemon is inching his way to the ropes...  And Bear hits him from
    the ring apron.  Daemon won't make it to the ropes!"

Baboon: "Erik comes into the ring and kicks Panther in the head!  That breaks
    the surfboard, and Daemon is crawling back to his corner.  Panther grabs
    him by the foot, but Daemon lunges and tags Erik!  Erik comes in on fire
    and slams Panther!  Erik scoops Panther again and gives him a backbreaker."

Vague: "Now it's The Hoosiers' turn to try a submission hold: Erik puts a Boston
    crab on Panther!  Erik is a powerful, powerful wrestler and I doubt Panther
    can fight his way out of that."

Baboon: "The Zampolit is telling Panther to struggle, but it isn't doing much
    good, Erik still has the move locked on.  But Bear comes in and clotheslines
    Erik in the back of the head.  Erik lost his grip on Panther's legs, and
    Panther slithers back to his corner and tags Bear."

Vague: "Bear comes into the ring, and sits on Erik.  I think that clothesline
    may have done some damage, Baboon."

Baboon: "He got hit right on the external occipital protuberance, Lord Winfred.
    Erik is hurt.  Now Bear is rubbing Erik's face into the mat.  Bear drops
    an elbow, rolls Erik over and goes for a pin.  One, two, no, Erik kicks
    out."

Vague: "Bear bounces off the ropes, big splash on Erik!  That may be it,
    Baboon."

Baboon: "No, Erik kicks out again.  And Bear tags Panther in.  Bear is holding
    Erik and Panther jumps off the top rope with a double axehandle, but
    Erik moves out of the way!  Panther hit his own partner!"

Vague: "Panther is apologizing to Bear, and meanwhile Erik tags Daemon.  Daemon
    axehandles Bear, and small packages Panther, but Panther kicks out.  Now
    The Hoosiers have a fresh man in the match, and the tide is turning."

Baboon: "Robby, are you awake?"

Robby: "Ouch."

Vague: "Daemon throws Panther over the top rope and goes outside the ring.
    The Zampolit tries to grab Daemon, but Daemon hits him with a discus punch!"

Baboon: "Erik is outside the ring, and he clotheslines Panther.  Bear comes
    over to help his partner, but The General throws a chair at him!"

Vague: "The Hoosiers are aligning the prone Panther with our ring table, what
    is going on?"

Baboon: "The Hoosiers are setting Robby the Lame up for a double suplex!  And
    they suplex him onto Panther!  I don't think Robby is conscious anymore."

Vague: "Samurai and Kamakaze are irate, and they attack The Hoosiers!  But the
    referee doesn't see, he's distracted by The Zampolit!  The General throws
    a chair into the fray, and Samurai rolls Daemon back into the ring.  Samurai
    and Kamakaze help Robby back to his feet, and Samurai gets hit with a
    chair by The General!  It's one on two down there, The General against
    Samurai and Kamakaze."

Baboon: "In the ring, Bear covers Daemon, but only gets a two count.  The Twin
    Spires really did a number on The Hoosiers outside the ring.  The General
    is chasing Samurai, Kamakaze, and Robby the Lame back to the dressing rooms
    with a chair, Erik and Panther are dazed outside the ring, Bear is working
    on Daemon inside the ring."

Vague: "Bear drops a knee on Daemon.  Daemon is crawling to the ropes, and Bear
    rakes his back.  Daemon is in pain, and Bear puts him in a full nelson...
    But Daemon gets his legs in the ropes and the referee breaks the hold."

Baboon: "The Zampolit is calling for the Russian sickle, and Panther crawls back
    into the ring.  Erik rolls into the ring too...  Bear whips Daemon into a
    neutral corner, and Panther is coming in for the sickle move, but Daemon
    jumps onto the second rope and fakes Panther out with a head bob."

Vague: "Panther thought a flying body press was forthcoming and dropped to the
    ground.  Erik just threw Bear out of the ring.  Panther getting to his feet,
    and he thinks he made a very smart move, but then he sees Daemon on the
    top rope!  Erik picks Panther up, and Daemon jumps off the top rope with
    a flying dropkick!"

Baboon: "The Hoosier Homecoming!  Daemon covers Panther and hooks the leg.
    One, two, three!"

Vague: "The Hoosiers win the match, and they win it using their heads!"

Baboon: "I guess The Soviets are going to slink back to the U.S.S.R. right about
    now."

Coward: "Here are your winners, and STILL WeWF World Tag Team Champions,
    Erik and Daemon, The Hoosiers!"

Vague: "Now that The Hoosiers have left ringside, Robby the Lame is returning."

Baboon: "What a lot of bandages, Robby!"

Robby: "Gimmie that headset.  Hey, it doesn't fit anymore!"

Baboon: "How many layers of bandages do you have on, anyway?"

Robby: "Let's go to the next match."

Tholian Black Widow & Romulan Mauler vs. Khan Noonian Singh & Darth Vader

Robby: "Four spaced out wrestlers in this one, plus an Admiral and an Emperor."

Baboon: "Let's hear from The Emperor and his men.  Wince?"

Wince: "Thank you Baboon.  Khan?"

Khan: "You know, Wince, we've been out of the wrestling federations around
    here for a while, but that's not to say we've not been busy!  Ha, ha,
    ha!  We've been over in Japan, training with our allies in the Nippon
    electronic Wrestling Federation."

Darth: "Yesss.  We have trained many long hours to get back at that scum,
    Chekov and hisss men.  Now, it is time for the Empire to rise again!"

Wince: "How about your reaction, Emperor Lightfinger?"

Darth: "The Emperor does not speak to the likes of peonsss..."

Wince: "Well, I was just asking."

Khan: "Let's teach this peon a lesson, Lord Vader."

Darth: "Yesss."

Wince: "Uh...Wait a second...HEY!  Put me down!"

Darth (who's holding up announcer by one hand around his throat): "Do you wish
    to be put down, peon?"

Wince: "YES!"

(Darth forces Wince to the Emperor's feet)

Khan: "Then kiss the glorious Emperor's feet, peon!"

(after forcing the interviewer down, and after he kisses the Emperor's foot,
Khan does a knee drop to Wince's back, incapacitating him)

(Darth walks right up to the camera)

Darth: "Chekov!  This will be you!"

(TV camera smashed by Vader)

Robby: "Listen to the mutoids cheering for the team that is on it's way to the
    ring, The Tholian Black Widow and The Romulan Mauler.  How come they aren't
    beaming to the ring, Baboon?"

Baboon: "I think they're trying to psyche out their opponents by letting them
    know the fans are on their side, Robby."

Robby: "The Tholian Black Widow looks like he should be in a retirement home,
    not a wrestling ring!"

Baboon: "He hasn't been doing too well in the WeWF as of late, but he dominated
    the PWGA for quite some time, and he still has a few good years left in
    him."

Robby: "Yeah, '97 and '98 will probably be good years for him, of course he
    won't do very well until then."

Baboon: "Darth Vader's Theme from Star Wars is playing, and twenty stormtroopers
    are lining up along the aisle.  They snap to attention, and four men are
    carried out on palanquins: Samurai, Kamakaze, Strike Eagle, and The Dark
    One.  They have ringside seats, Robby."

Robby: "And here comes The Daimyo, who Emperor Lightfinger sent to Japan,
    or more precisely the Nippon electronic Wrestling Association to manager
    his wrestlers."

Baboon: "And riding in on hovercrafts, Thanos the Mad God and Darkseid the
    Destroyer."

Robby: "And following them, Khan Noonian Singh and Darth Vader!  Now "Hail
    to the Chief" is playing, and here comes Emperor Lightfinger."

Baboon: "Where's Glorith?  And did they ever return Tinya Boy?"

Robby: "How should I know?  They didn't tell me.  Vader and Khan are finally
    entering the ring."

Baboon: "Vader attacks before the bell!  He's choking The Black Widow!  Kick to
    the midsection by The Black Widow, and that gets Vader's hands off of his
    throat.  The Black Widow bounces off the ropes, Vader ducks, The Black Widow
    leapfrogs him and stops his momentum.  The Tholian Black Widow bulldogs
    Darth Vader!"

Robby: "The Black Widow tags out, and The Romulan Mauler, reigning king of
    the mutoids, steps in."

Baboon: "The Mauler pulls Vader up and side suplexes him!  It could be over
    right here...  One, two, kickout!  Mauler bounces off the ropes and drills
    Darth Vader with a flying tackle!  But the impact knocks Vader closer to
    his own corner, and he tags out to Khan."

Robby: "Uh-oh.  Khan and the Trekkies hate each other with a vengeance."

Baboon: "Khan goes to The Mauler's eyes, and that staggers the big man.  Khan
    bounces off the ropes, and clotheslines The Mauler in the back of the
    head!  The Mauler goes down, and Khan rolls him over and tries to pin him.
    One, and that's all he gets."

Robby: "Khan brings The Mauler back to his corner, and Darth Vader is choking
    The Romulan Mauler across the top rope while Khan talks to the referee!"

Baboon: "Come on ref, look around you!  Finally Vader stops choking The Mauler,
    and Khan dumps The Mauler through the ropes."

Robby: "The Mauler is outside the ring, and now The Emperor's men are going to
    do some real damage!"

Baboon: "Vader grabs a chair and hits The Mauler!  Now Khan is coming out of the
    ring too, and he stomps on The Mauler!  Things aren't looking very good
    for The Romulan Mauler right now."

Robby: "Khan pulls The Mauler up and whips him into a clothesline by Darth
    Vader!  And Vader throws The Mauler into the steel barricade!"

Baboon: "The Black Widow clotheslines Khan!  He dropkicks Vader, and Vader
    tumbles over the barricade into the crowd!"

Robby: "Come on referee, count!  The Mauler should have been counted out long
    ago."

Baboon: "Too much action outside the ring for the referee to do anything, Lame.
    The Black Widow puts a headlock on Khan, and runs Khan's head into the
    ring pole!  Vader is getting out of the crowd, and The Romulan Mauler is
    getting back to his feet."

Robby: "Now the referee is counting!  Two, three..."

Baboon: "The Black Widow nails Vader with a haymaker!  The Romulan Mauler sets
    Darth Vader up for a suplex, and suplexes him forward into the steel
    barricade!  That's the Legsmasher!"

Robby: "Seven, eight, nine..."

Baboon: "Romulan Mauler beats the count in!  Admiral Chekov's team wins it,
    and that's got to be a big boost for them going into The Road Warrior Cup
    Tournament since they haven't been overly impressive in the WeWF."

Robby: "Hey, I don't think they'll get past the first round of that tournament,
    but I didn't think they would do so well in this match either."

The Law vs. Club Anarchy
         for the PWGeA Tag Team Titles in a Steel Cage Match

Baboon: "Now the PWGeA Tag Titles are up for grabs, with Club Anarchy defending
    against The Law, former WeWF Tag Champs."

Robby: "Club Anarchy are a very strange team, and I can't wait to see what
    they've got in store for us tonight!"

Baboon: "They're setting up the cage, but it has been repainted bright colors,
    and there's a strobe light on top."

Robby: "Now that is interesting!  On their way to the ring to the sound of
    "Ghetto Defendant" by The Clash, Club Anarchy.  Dr. Lethe is dressed
    up like somebody from the 1960's, bell-bottoms and go-go boots!  And
    look at what their manager Silvah Hypocrisy is wearing, Baboon!"

Baboon: "Indeed, a black checkered mini-skirt.  And here comes The Law!"

Robby: "We've got two radical groups of fans, Tempest, The Dredd Heads and
    Club Anarchy's groupies.  Maybe a fight will break out!"

Baboon: "This is a cage match, so Bruno Morales isn't needed at ringside.  He's
    sent his security force into the stands to keep those two groups of radicals
    from going at it."

Robby: "Darn.  Let's hear last minute comments from The Law."

Dredd: "Well you delinquents have proven you can crush blocks, stomp on models,
    and defile what the public holds dear.  You missed the point."

Anderson: "You see, juves, none of those things could fight back."

Dredd: "The times come.  Judgement day is at hand."

Baboon: "Here comes The Law!  Guns and Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle" is
    playing, and they hurry into the cage, and the match is underway!  I don't
    think Club Anarchy was ready for such a quick attack."

Robby: "It was a sneak attack, Tempest!  Why didn't Morales do something about
    it?"

Baboon: "There's no referee in this cage match, nobody can get disqualified.
    Judge Dredd presses Dr. Lethe, who look's thinner every time I see him,
    and throws him into the cage wall!  What a show of strength!"

Robby: "Captain Necropolis tries to climb out of the cage, but Judge Anderson
    yanks him back into the ring.  Anderson whips Necropolis into a clothesline
    by Dredd.  And Dredd and Anderson are stomping on Captain Necropolis!"

Baboon: "Dr. Lethe bounces off the ropes and clotheslines Judge Anderson.
    Dredd picks Dr. Lethe up and atomic drops him, and Judge Anderson follows
    that with an inverted atomic drop!"

Robby: "Dr. Lethe's spine is ready to jump out of his mouth any minute now!"

Baboon: "Captain Necropolis rams The Law's heads together!  And he and Lethe
    whip Dredd off the ropes into a double kick.  Necropolis hits Dredd with
    a neckbreaker, and Anderson knees Lethe in the back.  Anderson slams Lethe,
    and Necropolis is choking Dredd on the ropes.  It's mayhem in there!"

Robby: "No, it's anarchy!"

Baboon: "Now Anderson and Necropolis are tearing at each other's hair, while
    Lethe and Dredd recover.  Anderson slams Necropolis into the cage, and
    Dredd whips Lethe into the corner.  Now Judge Anderson and Judge Dredd
    are going to double team Captain Necropolis...  Irish whip off the ropes,
    but he ducks under a double clothesline.  Lethe grabs both Judges by the
    hair, and Necropolis clotheslines them both."

Robby: "Now Club Anarchy is going for an escape attempt!"

Baboon: "They probably have escaped from a couple of insane asylums already,
    now their trying to get out of a steel cage.  Dr. Lethe is going out the
    door, but Judge Dredd grabs him and pulls him back in.  Captain Necropolis
    could get out of the cage now, but he's going to come back and help his
    partner.  Both wrestlers have to get out to win the match, and that's hard
    to do if one wrestler gets double teamed."

Robby: "The Law are in control of the match now.  Judges Dredd and Anderson
    ram Dr. Lethe's head into the cage five times!  But Necropolis punches
    Dredd and sets him up for a piledriver...  But Judge Anderson hits
    Necropolis before he can apply it."

Baboon: "Dr. Lethe jumps off the first rope and hits Anderson with a fist.
    Necropolis is choking Dredd on the top rope, and he climbs onto Dredd's
    shoulders to apply all his weight on Dredd's throat!"

Robby: "Judge Anderson gives Dr. Lethe a DDT!  Anderson pulls Captain Necropolis
    off Judge Dredd, and tries for the cage door.  Silvah kisses him!  What
    a clever move!"

Baboon: "Judge Anderson looks dazed!  That must have been special lipstick!"

Robby: "Silvah's coming this way!  And she kisses Baboon!"

Baboon: "Mmmmmmf!"

Robby: "Baboon, are you alright?"

Baboon: "<Choke, cough, sputter>...  Let's get back to the match, Robby.
    Why are Lord Winfred Vague and Wince McLady in the ring?"

Robby: "He isn't!  I wonder what's in that lipstick?  You are really out of
    it, Tempest, why don't you take a nap?"

Vague: "Lord Winfred Vague back again, this time I'm replacing Baboon Tempest."

Robby: "Oh great.  Judge Dredd just suplexed Dr. Lethe against the cage wall,
    and Captain Necropolis is hammering Judge Anderson, who's walking around
    in a daze.  Necropolis side suplexes Dredd, and Club Anarchy are climbing
    up the wall.  Machiavelli is shouting at Anderson to snap out of it!"

Vague: "Judge Dredd shakes the cage!  Dr. Lethe falls back into the ring, but
    Captain Necropolis falls to the floor!  That must have been a fifteen
    foot drop!"

Robby: "Now The Law are double teaming Dr. Lethe!  That isn't fair.  Body slam
    by Dredd, elbow drop by Anderson.  Dredd opens the door, and Anderson is
    walking is circles!"

Vague: "Silvah Hypocrisy did a lot of damage in this match.  Dr. Lethe pushes
    Judge Dredd out the door!  Now just Dr. Lethe and Judge Anderson are
    in the cage."

Robby: "Dr. Lethe bounces off the ropes and cross-body blocks Judge Anderson.
    Now Dr. Lethe is trying to climb the cage.  Captain Necropolis still hasn't
    gotten up after the fall he took."

Vague: "Dr. Lethe gets up to the top of the cage, but Judge Anderson grabs
    his foot!  Dr. Lethe falls over the top of the cage, and he's hanging
    by his foot.  If Judge Anderson lets go, Club Anarchy will win the match.
    Judge Dredd runs over, and he pummels the helpless Doctor."

Robby: "But help is on the way, Oroboros run to the ring!  Wyrm grabs Dredd
    and Gorgon punches Anderson causing him to release Dr. Lethe!  Dr. Lethe
    falls to the floor head first, and Club Anarchy wins the match!"

Vague: "I believe Club Anarchy will be carried out on stretchers, but they
    did win the match."

Coward: "Your winners, and STILL PWGeA World Tag Team Champions, Club Anarchy!"

Robby: "Baboon, are you feeling better yet?"

Baboon: "Woof, woof!"

Vague: "He'll be all right in a few minutes.  Let's go on to our next match."

Mr. B vs. The Black Knight

Robby: "The Swarm are here again, and they're buzzing already, awaiting the
    prescence of their hero, Mr. B."

Green Jean: "You've never faced The Black Knight before.  How much do you know
    about him?"

Mr. B: "I've heard a lot about The Black Knight, and everyone says he's a big
    bad mother who can tear lesser opponents limb from limb and take a pounding
    all day and all night if need be.  Well, I've been around and I've heard
    that all before.  The B has done his homework, and I promise that the Black
    Knight is going to be stung like never before!  There's a new force in
    wrestling; the B is zooming in for the kill from a different angle, baby!  I
    know, the Swarm knows, and everybody knows that I can out wrestle this guy
    and just about anyone else in my sleep!  Today you're going to see the real
    Mr B, and after you do, nothing will EVER be the same again! Black Knight,
    get ready for a fall brother, 'cause the sting's the thing and what will B
    will B!!!!"

Baboon: "Dr. Down-Under isn't in Mr. B's corner tonight.  Will that be a
    disadvantage, Robby?"

Robby: "Of course it will!  Mr. B is nothing without his manager.  Meanwhile,
    I've heard rumors that The Black Knight will have a manager soon."

Baboon: "Okay, who is The Black Knight going to choose for a manager?"

Robby: "I can't tell you, Tempest."

Baboon: "The Black Knight is already in the ring, and here comes Mr. B."

Coward: "("Fight the Power" by Public Enemy) From Newcastle, Australia, weighing
    in at 226 lbs, Thunder from Down Under, MR. B!!!!!!!"

Baboon: "Mr. B and The Black Knight lock up, and The Black Knight powers his
    opponent to the ropes...  The referee calls for a clean break but he doesn't
    get one, The Black Knight slugs Mr. B!"

Robby: "Why should nobility like The Black Knight have to listen to some poor
    slob of a referee whose parents were peasant farmers?"

Baboon: "Everybody has to listen to the referee, Lame.  Irish whip by The Black
    Knight, he goes for a back body drop, but Mr. B leapfrogs him.  They're
    criss-crossing the ring, The Black Knight drops to the ground, Mr. B jumps
    over him, slides out of the ring, and ducks down.  The Black Knight is
    looking for Mr. B, but he doesn't see him anywhere!"

Robby: "Mr. B is running away!"

Baboon: "No he isn't, he just climbed up the turnbuckles behind The Black
    Knight, and he jumps off the top rope... double axehandle!  The Knight
    goes down, and Mr. B pounces on him for a cover, one, two, kickout!"

Robby: "The Black Knight gets back up, and Mr. B suplexes him!  Mr. B is showing
    why he is one of the best e-wrestlers around."

Baboon: "He certainly is, and he is going to work on The Black Knight's arms,
    trying to wear down some of his strength advangtage.  The Black Knight
    thumbs Mr. B in the throat and escapes from an armbar.  The Knight punches
    Mr. B, then gives him a backbreaker and covers!  But he only gets one."

Robby: "Hey look!  Tom "The Animal" Brown and Dr. Down-Under are making their
    way to the ring!"

Baboon: "What are they doing here!  Mr. B dodges an elbow drop.  The Black
    Knight clotheslines Mr. B, and lifts him up in a torture rack.  Mr. B
    grabs the top rope!  And the referee makes The Black Knight release the
    hold."

Robby: "Mr. B headlocks The Black Knight, but The Knight escapes with an
    elbow to the ribs.  The Knight goes off the ropes...  Dr. Down-Under
    trips him up!"

Baboon: "And Mr. B is upset!  He is shouting at Dr. Down-Under and Tom Brown!
    I think he is saying that he wants to win the match fairly, he doesn't want
    to risk a disqualification!"

Robby: "Dissension in the ranks of The 007 Special!  Tom "The Animal" Brown
    is shouting back at Mr. B, and The Black Knight blindsides Mr. B!"

Baboon: "And a shoulder breaker by The Black Knight...  He covers, but Mr.
    B gets out at the two count!"

Robby: "The Black Knight goes for an elbow drop off the second rope, but
    Mr. B rolls away!  He gets up and stomps The Black Knight.  And now Tom
    Brown is on the ring apron!  He just spat in Mr. B's face!"

Baboon: "And that got a response from Mr. B, he hits Brown with an elbow!
    Meanwhile The Black Knight comes up to blindside Mr. B again, but Mr. B
    moves away and The Knight hits The Animal!"

Robby: "Small package by Mr. B!  One, two, three!  He got him!"

Baboon: "Mr. B wins the match, but he gets TASER'd by Dr. Down-Under!  Now
    Tom "The Animal" Brown is in the ring, and he is beating on Mr. B.  I
    guess this is the end of The 007 Special as a team, Lame."

Robby: "You've got that right, Tempest.  Bruno Morales and his security team
    break up the fun, but Mr. B is hurt."

Baboon: "What a despicable act by Dr. Down-Under, double crossing his own
    wrestler.  Mr. B just wanted a fair match."

Robby: "Never talk back to Dr. Down-Under.  I hope that shuts The Swarm up
    for a while, they made a lot of noise in that match."

Baboon: "Let's go to Tom Brown, who should explain what transpired."

Brown: "Mr. B!!  You deserved every volt of that TASER shot you got!  USA, do
    you want this bum, 'cause Australia sure don't! Your lily-livered,
    softly-softly, hand-in-cap-to-Uncle-Sam approach has given me and all true
    Aussie brawlers the idea that you were born a little closer to this pussy
    nation than you claim!!  Maybe Mexico - and you know what I mean by that!!
    When you think you can handle some real wrestling, why don't you step into
    the ring with me and find out what I've been saving for scum like you - I
    don't how I ever put up with your mealy-mouthed wimpiness... [turns to Dr
    Down-Under]  Dr Down-Under, why did you team the Animal up with such a
    cry-baby pussy-cat?  I've sh*t harder things than that!!"

Dr. Down-Under: "I'm sorry Animal, but it seems you can't see inside a man.  Mr.
    B, you told me you were hard, I thought you were hard, but inside your as
    soft and weak as a snivelling woman!!  I will no longer taint the person of
    the Animal by making him step inside the ring with you, save to kick
    your cowardly behind until your snivelling nose bleeds!! Wake up America! Mr
    B is a bum, barely fit to be a jobber for The Animal! Ther's a new "B" to
    remember: B for Brown, Tom "The Animal" Brown!!  I promise you, you will not
    forget this name or the fear it will inspire!!!!"

Robby: "They are so right!  Now let's go to Mr. B."

Mr. B: "BROWN!!  you signed your own death warrant brother, and I promise you it
    will belong slow and painful!!  For too long I've listened to you and that
    quack Down-Under!! For too long I've let myself be told that to win is the
    only thing and that it's ten times better when your opponent is maimed and
    injured!  I am a wrestler, and I can take you Brown!!  I know your game,
    sunshine, and I know how little YOU know about wrestling!!  You think that
    you can cut it by kicking, punching and brawling - you're wrong!!  I can
    take you any time!!  I've forgotten more about wrestling than you'll ever
    know, and you don't know the half of my repetoire!!  I'm going to hound you,
    Brown.  You can only run for so long, and then this B will swarm all over
    you, brother, and STING STING STING STING!!!!  I will teach you the hard way
    that success in this sport is about pinning the other guy's shoulders to the
    mat by knowing just that little bit more than he does!!  I know more and I
    will teach you well!!!"

And as for you Dr. Down-Under, you will pay for your years of crimes against
    wrestling!! You made me follow your way, the way of sneak attacks,
    interference and international objects, and where did it get me???
    Humiliating losses at the Supercards, and a five week vacation!!  But now I
    wrestle hard and clean, and it works!  I've gotten title shots ON MERIT and
    now my enemies have to cheat to stop me!  I know you will try to destroy me
    by any and every means at your disposal, but I will overcome!!  Soon you
    will need to take note of that old adage "Physician, HEAL THYSELF"!!!!!!!"

Baboon: "Mr. B is upset and justifiably so!  He says he's going to hound
    The Animal and teach him a wrestling lesson!"

Robby: "If he gets out of the hospital, that is."

"Irish" Mike Flint vs. Billy Thunder
         for the WeWF and PWGeA Titles

Baboon: "It's time for the main event!  Let's hear from one of the participants,
    WeWF Champion "Irish" Mike Flint!"

Flint: "Well Thunder, you came on like a bolt out of the blue and grabbed one
    belt, but I'm ready for you and I intend to hang onto this belt with all the
    tenacity of my fellow union men who fought to get their fair shake in the
    work place.  You're an up and comer but to get this Gold you gotta go
    through one hell of a lot of rock.

Robby: "Flint says Thunder won't get the WeWF Championship, but Thunder hasn't
    lost a match yet and I don't think Flint can beat him."

Baboon: "Here comes Thunder!  We'll soon find out which one of these guys
    is a real champion!"

Coward: "And his opponent, the reigning WeWF Champion, accompanied by his
    manager Molly Maguire and tag team partner Frank Steel, weighing 275 pounds,
    from Lexington, Kentucky, representing United Mine Workers local 253, here
    is "Irish" Mike Flint!"

Robby: "History is being made right here in Chicago!  The WeWF Champ and the
    PWGeA Champ are about to go at it."

Baboon: "Thunder shouts something to the fans, and they respond with boos.
    He has been very unpopular ever since the Missy Holiday incident."

Robby: "Flint has the advantage of numbers, but if Thunder stays in the ring
    it will be a close match.  The referee is holding both belts up so
    everyone knows what the stakes are, and the bell rings."

Baboon: "They're locking up, and Thunder hiptosses Flint to the mat.  Flint
    gets up and Thunder goes for a clothesline, but Flint ducks.  Thunder
    bounces off the ropes, and Flint shoulderblocks him.  Billy Thunder falls
    backwards and is locked in the ropes."

Robby: "The referee is trying to untangle Thunder, and he succeeds, but not
    before Flint gets in a few free licks.  Flint whips Thunder to the ropes
    and clotheslines him."

Baboon: "Big knee drop by "Irish" Mike, but Thunder rolls away!  Flint may
    have hurt his knee on that move.  Billy Thunder capitalizes and kicks
    at Flint's knee."

Robby: "Thunder is trying to do some serious damage here.  He's winding up for
    a figure four...  Small package by Flint!  Thunder kicks out.  A rare
    scientific move applied by Flint."

Baboon: "He must have been training specially for this match.  Thunder gets
    up, and Flint whips him into a corner.  Mike Flint charges in and delivers
    a shoulderblock to Billy Thunder's midsection.  Flint whips Thunder into
    the far corner!  Flint charges in again, and this time Thunder gets a foot
    up.  Mike Flint staggers back, and Thunder mounts the ropes."

Robby: "High risk area...  Thunder jumps off the top rope with a clothesline!
    He may win the match here...  One, two, kickout by Flint."

Baboon: "It takes more than that to pin Mike Flint.  Thunder bounces off the
    ropes and drops a fist on Flint.  Billy Thunder picks Flint up and sets
    him up for a piledriver...  Wham!  There it is, and Thunder goes for
    the pin again...  One, two, Flint gets his foot on the ropes."

Robby: "Billy Thunder has taken control of this match very quickly!  But
    can he hold on to win the match?  I hope so."

Baboon: "Flint rolls out of the ring, and Molly Maguire is giving him
    instructions.  Thunder comes outside the ring too!  He's threatening Molly
    Maguire!  That got Steel upset, and he's chasing Thunder around the ring!
    Why would Thunder get himself in trouble like that?"

Robby: "He isn't in any real trouble, he's safe behind the referee now.  He
    just wanted to antagonize Flint and Steel, because if Steel beats him up,
    Thunder gets the win by disqualification."

Baboon: "Flint comes into the ring and gives Thunder a body slam!  Thunder
    gets up and Flint goes for another slam...  No, Thunder rakes his face.
    Thunder puts Flint in a three-quarter nelson and chokes him over the ropes."

Robby: "Now Thunder let's go of Flint, leaving Flint's neck on the top rope,
    and yanks back on the rope."

Baboon: "That did some damage to Flint's throat, Robby.  Now Thunder is rubbing
    Flint's face along the top rope.  But Flint elbows Billy Thunder, making
    Thunder let go.  Flint turns around, picks Thunder up, and drops him neck
    first on the top rope!"

Robby: "Clothesline city!"

Baboon: "Flint picks Thunder up for a body slam... and slams him out of the
    ring!  Thunder won't be getting up from that one very soon.  But Flint
    doesn't want a countout victory, he rolls out of the ring and continues
    to pound on the PWGeA Champion!"

Robby: "How unsportsmanlike!  Now he rams Thunder's head into the barricade.
    The referee tells him to bring the match back into the ring, so he rolls
    Thunder into the ring and follows him."

Baboon: "Billy Thunder pulls something out of his trunks, and jabs Flint in
    the throat with it!  The referee didn't see it.  Thunder hits Flint
    with the object again!"

Robby: "Fair is fair."

Baboon: "I didn't see Flint use any international objects!"

Robby: "That's true, all his stuff is made in the U.S.A."

Baboon: "Now Thunder has hidden the object again, and he's choking Flint."

Robby: "Wait a minute, here come Club Anarchy, swinging in on vines!"

Baboon: "Flint had better watch out...  No, they're going after Billy Thunder!
    Obviously they're upset about the Missy Holiday incident.  Captain
    Necropolis collided with the referee from behind and knocked him out.  Dr.
    Lethe gets the international object away from Thunder and Club Anarchy
    are running away!"

Robby: "There's Silvah Hypocrisy!  Where did she come from?  She kisses Thunder,
    and runs away!  He seems to be in pain... she must have bitten his tongue!"

Baboon: "Steel and Molly Maguire have revived the referee, and Flint had a
    chance to rest."

Robby: "Thunder is upset, and he's asking the referee to disqualify Flint,
    but the ref didn't see a thing.  Flint asks Thunder for a test of strength,
    and Thunder kicks him in the midsection.  Billy Thunder throws Mike Flint
    out through the ropes."

Baboon: "And Flint pulls Thunder out of the ring!  They're brawling on the
    outside!  Molly Maguire is telling Steel to stay back and let Flint
    handle it...  A kid runs up to the railing and spews Thunder in the face!
    That could be an indicator of things to come, when Thunder faces Missy
    Holiday's wrestler, Professor Spewmaster."

Robby: "Thunder was blinded by that kid's Instant Spew (tm).  And Flint decks
    him with a chair.  Flint rolls back into the ring, but the referee has
    counted to 10 already!  Both wrestlers have been counted out!"

Baboon: "Thunder grabs the PWGeA Title Belt and rolls back into the ring.  He
    asks to shake hands with Flint, but Flint is suspicious...  And Thunder
    cracks him in the head with the title belt!  Despicable!  Frank Steel
    rolls into the ring, and Billy Thunder runs away!  That coward."

Robby: "Speaking of cowards, let's go to Coward Pickle."

Coward: "The referee has counted both men out of the ring, ruling this match
    a double countout."

Baboon: "No belts change hands in the main event, but we did see a new PWGeA
    North America Champion crowned, The Aztec Mummy!"

Robby: "Yeah, and you, me, and Wince McLady all were beat up in some way.  Bruno
    Morales didn't do a good job protecting me."

Baboon: "The Mage's Gallery defeated The Shadow Assassins, The Re-Animator,
    and three of The Four Corners.  They should be a force to be reckoned with
    in the PWGeA."

Robby: "As well as in the EMWA, which will be back in September."

Baboon: "Gentleman Jim Nice of the EMWA signed an open contract for today,
    but nobody put their name on the other end."

Robby: "Nice guys finish last."

Baboon: "We'll be back tomorrow with the Royal Rumble.  So long, everyone."