Summit Update #2

From: arxt@quads.uchicago.edu (Aidan Palmer)

Date: Mon, 08 Jul 1991 00:11:03 +0000

Summit of E-Wrestling Update #2

Wince: "Welcome to the second and last Summit Update!"

Baboon: "We've got a list of all the matches, we've got comments, and
    we've even got matches!"

Robby: "That's right, Tempest, on this program we've got two qualifying
    matches for Friday's Tag Team Tournament!"

Wince: "The Tournament is all filled up, and so is Thursday's Battle Royal!"

Robby: "What everyone wants to know about, McLady, is the match between
    PWGeA World Champion Billy Thunder and the reigning WeWF World Champion
    "Irish" Mike Flint."

Baboon: "That's going to be the main event for the first day of inter-federation
    E-Wrestling, Wednesday, and a whole host of other matches will be on
    the card."

Wince: "One of those matches will be Mr. B against the Black Knight."

Robby: "Aside from Mr. B's Swarm, those two have no fan support.  Look for
    them to throw the rulebook out the window.  Hey, look for them to throw
    each other out the window!"

Baboon: "In a grudge match, the Tholian Black Widow and the Romulan Mauler
    team up against Khan Noonian Singh and Darth Vader."

Robby: "There's going to be action inside the ring and outside the ring,
    Tempest.  I wouldn't be surprised if their managers, Admiral Chekov and
    Emperor David Lightfinger, mixed it up on the outside!"

Wince: "How about this team-up?  Former PWGeA Champion Sergeant Sledge Hammer
    and 3-Time WeWF Champion The General against the PWGeA's Plague Dog and
    the WeWF's Tom "the Animal" Brown?"

Robby: "Both the Sergeant and the General are used to giving orders, so
    I'm anticipating a battle of the egos."

Baboon: "Brewster Cogburn, who's in the EMWA and the PWGeA, against the
    Grim Reaper of the WeWF!"

Robby: "Cogburn hasn't done very well in the PWGeA, but he was great in the
    EMWA.  If he can get his skills back, I think he can take the Reaper.
    Otherwise he could get buried."

Baboon: "Your mouth got your friends into trouble, Robby.  In our first Update
    you said the Four Corners and the Shadow Assassins would make an unbeatable
    team.  We'll find out at the Summit, because they have to contend with
    the Mage's Gallery in a 6 on 6 Elimination Match!"

Robby: "Where's the problem, Tempest?  I predict the Corners and Assassins
    will attack the Mage's Gallery before, during, and after the match, and
    those six bums will be stretchered out!"

Baboon: "You're right, Lame, but it's going to be the Four Corners and the
    Shadow Assassins who get stretchered out."

Wince: "Let's go on to the five title matches, guys.  The Hoosiers are putting
    the WeWF Tag Team Titles on the line to take on the Soviets."

Robby: "This should be a good match, but the Soviets will have the advantage.
    They and their manager, the Zampolit, can speak Russian to each other,
    and the Hoosiers won't know what they're saying."

Baboon: "In another Tag Team Title match, Club Anarchy, the PWGeA Champions,
    defend against former WeWF Champions The Law in a Steel Cage."

Robby: "Expect both teams to pull out all the stops in this one.  What are
    the rules for this cage match?"

Baboon: "I believe the first team to have both members escape to the floor
    will win the match."

Wince: "Here's another specialty match for a title, in a Lumberjack Match
    PWGeA North America Champion Mr. Mercury will defend against The Aztec
    Mummy!"

Robby: "Mercury is the better wrestler, no question about it, but he has
    been spending too much time concentrating on the waves, and not enough
    time concentrating on the match."

Baboon: "Both wrestlers will have 10 lumberjacks on their side.  It should
    be a happening."

Wince: "And another big match, WeWF US Champion Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel"
    vs. Lightning Bolt of the PWGeA."

Robby: "Lightning Bolt?  Why?  He doesn't deserve a title shot, not even
    against the PWGeA All-Jobber Champion!"

Baboon: "He'll have a chance to prove you wrong at the Summit, Lame, and he
    may be able to beat Bjorn."

Robby: "Isn't Bjorn supposed to be in the match against the Mage's Gallery?"

Baboon: "I guess The Four Corners will have to find a replacement.  Who do
    you think they'll pick, Wince?"

Wince: "They've got a lot of choices, Sour Krout, The Hit 'N' Run Rabbi, or
    anybody from the Abattoir.  Don't ask me who Smooth is contemplating."

Baboon: "Then there's the main event, title for title, "Irish" Mike Flint
    against Billy Thunder."

Robby: "Thunder took the PWGeA World Title in just a few weeks, and I
    wouldn't be surprised if he took the WeWF Title in one night!  On the
    other hand, Flint is more experienced, and it wouldn't surprise me
    to see him win the match either."

Wince: "What a lineup!  Let's hear from some of the participants in the
    matches."

Baboon: "We saw Club Anarchy destroy the Code of Hammurabi last time, this
    time we've got The Law at the scene of the crime."

(The two judges, Anderson and Dredd, stand over a familiar piece of broken
 obelisk. The code of Hamurrabi, shattered by Club Anarchy.)

Dredd: "You two pitiful fools.  Did you really expect this display to mean
    a single thing to us?"

(Anderson picks up a piece of the stone that is still intact and smashes it to
 the floor.)

Anderson: "This stone means nothing.  These laws mean nothing.  There's only
    one Law, juves.  And as you saw last Sunday, it doesn't sit around
    waiting to be broke."

Dredd: 'Take a long hard breath Anarchy.  It may just be your last.  You can
    run, but you can't hide.  Summit time is coming little boys, and
    judgement will be passed."

Anderson: "We don't need referees, we don't need countouts, we don't need
    anything or anyone cause there's only one law we play by and ....."

Dredd: "WE"

Anderson: "ARE"

Both: "THE LAW!!!!!!"

Baboon: "The Law certainly don't wait around, they showed up at a Club
    Anarchy match and taught them a lesson."

Robby: "Big deal.  Club Anarchy are going to teach The Law a thing or two
    in the cage match."

Wince: "We've got another video from Club Anarchy.  Roll tape..."

The segment starts with what is apparantly a helicopter mounted shot of
Washington D.C., however if one looks closely at the antlike movements of
the vehicles and such, it can be discerned by the strange scale, that this
is probably a miniature replica of D.C. in a studio somewhere.  It is quite
impressive though, and quite large.

Jimmy Hendrix' Purple Haze begins playing and the camera begins spiraling
down towards the city, focusing on the capitol building.  It then cuts to
the Lincoln Memorial from the ground.  Suddenly, the sounds of destruction
can be heard from within the Memorial itself, and a psychedelic Godzilla
bursts out of the building, roaring impressively.  About Godzilla's waist
is the PGWeA tag team belt, painted in psychedelic color.  People can be
seen in the foreground [with obvious green screening effect] running away.

People: "Run!  Run!  Godzilla!  Oh no, Godzilla!  He's destroying the
    Capitol of America!  Run!"

Narrator: "Yes, Godzilla had arrived in Washington D.C., seat of Law for
the United States of America.  Here he would stomp and chomp through the
city, bringing Anarchy to the populace, and he would dance."

Godzilla begins dancing to Purple Haze as he stomps the Lincoln Memorial to
smithereens, and then starts to make his way up the Mall to the Washington
Monument.

Meanwhile...  The scene cuts to the Potomic River, where _another_
Godzilla, wearing sunglasses, bursts forth and begins to wreak havoc and
carnage as he heads towards the capitol building.  He arrives there, just
as the airforce does, with dozens of jet fighters.  Godzilla swats them
away like flies.  He rips the roof off of the capitol and proceeds to grab
people out of it, eating senators and representatives from all over the
country, yummmy!  He then stomps over to the White House.   The psychedelic
Godzilla is there by now, having removed the Washington Monument, which he
is wielding like a baseball bat.  Both of the monsters charge the White
House and smash it into little bitty bits as Jimmy Hendrix wails.  Finally
the song ends and the Godzillas stop.  Removing their heads, they reveal
themselves to be Club Anarchy.

Captain Necropolis: "Once again, we have destroyed a symbol of excessive
    law and stifling order."

Dr. Lethe: "Und Echoying it tu!"

Captain Necropolis: "The Law will fall before our might, like the puny
    buildings of this former Urban complex, for we are the masters of the Urban
    jungle as we have demonstrated.  We will be the ones to walk out of the
    cage, free of the chains of government once and for all!  We still hold the
    championship of the world.  Where are your belts Law?  Gone!  During our
    last title defense you proved that your ideas were unworthy, for you were
    forced to jump us from behind like cowards, just like the authorities
    always do.  Well, I've stood up to the attacks of twenty strapping Uncle
    Sams and still stood.  What can two cowardly fascists hope to accomplish?"

Dr. Lethe: "Ja, und vat tacky Kostuming zey have tu!  Mebbe, chu Law types
    avter die match kann having Silvah giving chu fazhion tips?   Oh vell, it
    iz tu dance!"

At the cue from Dr. Lethe, a silver disco ball falls from the ceiling and
the lights go down.  My War by Black Flagg starts playing and the leather
clad fans of Club Anarchy rush the studio and begin slam dancing with Dr.
Lethe and the good Captain, still in their Godzilla suits.

[this segement conceived and directed by Dr. Lethe]

Baboon: "Give me a break!  Sure they can break inanimate objects, but can
    they beat The Law?"

Robby: "After Club Anarchy hit them a couple of times, The Law will be
    inanimate objects!  Then Dr. Lethe and Captain Necropolis can smash them
    to their heart's content."

Wince: "We don't have to wait for the Summit to see tag team action.  We've
    got two qualifying matches for Friday's Tournament, the Academics vs.
    Baron Von Klaw and Brewster Cogburn, and Hammer and Sickle vs. The
    Androgynes."

Baboon: "The first match is already underway, so let's go to Magilla Mongoose
    and Jimmy Vendetta at ringside."

Magilla: "... Baron Von Klaw in complete control over Prof. Wolfman, the man
 who took the PWGeA All-Jobber belt away from him... Von Klaw whips
 Wolfie to the ropes... KLAW HOLD!!! IT'S OVER!!!... Hey, LOOK OUT!"

Jimmy: "Missy Holliday, the Academics' manager, is peeling off her dress!!!
 Baron Von Klaw releases the Klaw Hold to stare at the stunning
 beauty, who is now wearing an itsy-bitsy teeny-weenie yellow-polka dot
 bikini!"

Magilla: "I could swear that I saw something like that already... Anyway,
 Wolfman takes advantage of the commotion... He crawls back into
 his corner... Tags to Prof. Spewmaster!!! Listen to the Crowd, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "Missy Holliday is waving her finger at Baron Von Klaw... Spewmaster
 sneaks up from behind and taps the Baron on the shoulder... Baron
 turns around AND GETS SPEWED IN THE FACE!"

Magilla: "That's what you get for looking at the ladies instead of concentra-
 ting on your opponent!"

Jimmy: "Yeah, I am sure that you would think about the Wolfman if you were
 stuck in a closet with Missy Holliday!"

Magilla: "Spewmaster lifts Baron Von Klaw on his shoulders, while Wolfman
 climbs the top rope... AND PULLS A BONE OUT OF HIS LEATHER CLOTHES!!!
 WOLFMAN LEAPS... AND NAILS THE BARON!"

Jimmy: "This can't be happening! Somebody will actually beat Von Klaw with
 an Illegal move??? Von Klaw, the KING of the International Object???"

Magilla: "Wolfman covers: One! Two! Three! The Academics are qualified for
 the Summit tournament!"

Wince: "The Academics earned one of the sixteen spots in the tournament, and
    we'll have the other match for you later on."

Robby: "How about that?  The Wolfman and Professor Spewmaster are in the
    tournament.  I don't think they'll last very long though."

Baboon: "Here's someone who has lasted for hundreds of years... The Aztec
    Mummy!"

The scene:  The camera reveals a cave, deep underground and partially
man-made.  A small three foot wide stream cuts straight through the floor
to a round chamber.  The Aztec Mummy can be seen sitting crosslegged in the
chamber, his back to the camera.  He is not wearing his facial linens, but
his face is hidden in the shadows of the cave.  He is somewhat stooped in
the cave, since his 7'2" frame does not fit well into a chamber with only a
4 foot ceiling, even while sitting.

The Aztec Mummy speaks in his typical rasping voice.  It booms and
dominates the close quarters of the underground chamber.

Mummy: "I am here in the sacred cave underneath the Temple of the Sun in
    the ruined city of Teotihuacan, the civilization from which my people, the
    Mexica, descended.  I have fasted and meditated upon my upcoming match with
    the American hedonist, Mr. Mercury.  I have been down here for a week now,
    and will only come out to catch my plane to the summit.  By then I will have
    seen how I will eradicate my foe in a prophecy brought to me by the Vision
    Serpent, servant of the Sun God, Huichtilipotli.  I will have reached down
    into myself and pulled out the soul of my warrior ancestors.  My only
    thoughts will be of combat.  You of the west may know of the tradition of
    Viking beserkers.  I will have reached such a state by the time I enter the
    ring with my opponent, the weak minded pretender to stellar authority, Mr.
    'Mercury'.  Look now, pretender, and see what you face."

[The Aztec Mummy lights a brazier and sticks his hand full in the flames.
He does not flinch. His hand begins to blister.  He leaves it in a full 30
seconds before he removes it, silent until the end of the ordeal.]

"With the power of my ancestors, I do not acknowledge pain of any sort.
    You, however, will break in my hands like maize does upon the matate.
    Enjoy your idyll in the sun if you can pretender.  It will not last long,
    and I doubt even you can surf in a wheelchair."

[The camera fades out.]

Baboon: "The Mummy doesn't feel pain?  Incredible!  How will Mr. Mercury
    react, Robby?"

Robby: "I bet that idiot runs and hides!  If he can't hurt the Mummy, he
    can't beat the Mummy."

Wince: "Mr. Mercury could possibly be involved in another match, teaming
    with The Big Kahuna of the WeWF."

(T.B.Kahuna and Val Lee run in from the California Surf)

Val: "Like omigosh TB the Summit is almost like here ok?  And no one will
    like accept the challenge to join up with The Black Knight from
    the PWGeA to wrestle in totally tubular tag action against you and
    that totally to the max hunk Mr.Mercury.  Like what's the scoop?"

T.B.: "Dudette I just don't know.  Maybe our combined robust manliness is
    just much for anyone in the WeWF to handle.  No one's got the wave
    splitting guts to face us."

Val: "Maybe it's the je.."

T.B.: "Shhh.  So now I, we are making it public for you heel land suckers out
        there in Budman land, Me and Mercury vs BK and anyone of you with the
        guts to enter the ring with us.  Are you dudes?  Or buttheads?  Surf's
        Up!"

(The duo runs back into the waves, people cheering them on)

Robby: "The combined brain power in that clip underwhelmed me, McLady."

Wince: "The Big Kahuna isn't a Rhodes Scholar, but he's still a great wrestler!"

Baboon: "No question about it.  Now let's go to our other qualifying match,
    The Androgynes vs. Hammer and Sickle."

Jimmy: "... This dude, Tomahawk, is overachieving tonight."

Magilla: "Yeah, but he has always been an overachiever! Ever seen any
 jobbers win the World Tag-TEam titles, apart from him?"

Jimmy: "Ever heard of RnR, Mongoose? And the only reason why The Masked Missiles
 ever won the PWGeA tag belts is because The Patriot was even bigger
 than your mother!"

Magilla: "Uh, puh-lease!.. Tomahawk whips Michael into the ropes... Flying
 clothesline! He now signals for the Hammer and Sickle move!!!"

Jimmy: "I must admit that this is exciting!"

Magilla: "Sargent Glasnost picks up Michael in a belly-to-back suplex
 position... Tomahawk off the ropes with a clothesline..."

Jimmy: "The Hammer!"

Magilla: "...And Glasnost completes the suplex by bridgind over Michael!.."

Jimmy: "The Sickle!... One, two, KICKOUT!"

Magilla: "AND MICHAEL MOONWALKS BACK INTO HIS CORNER TO TAG IN ANNIE!"

Jimmy: "Annie picks up Glasnost and tosses him over the top rope! Now, it's
 Annie and Tomahawk one on one!... "Thorn in my Side" dropkick...
 AND THE MISSIONARY MAN CRUCIFIX! ONE, TWO, THREE! THE ANDROGYNES WIN
 IT!"

Wince: "And the Androgynes are qualified!  We now have the complete roster
    of all 16 teams, and we'll bring it to you later in the program."

Robby: "Now let's go to Baboon Tempest."

Daemon, Erik and the General are with Baboon Tempest,
The General is waving a large Amercian flag.
Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen is playing in the background:

Baboon: "This is Baboon Tempest with the General and the Hoosiers,
    getting geared up the upcoming Supercard.  Hoosiers, you are set
    to wrestle the Russians in the big card!  What do you think?"

Daemon: "The Russians are a tough team, and are at the top of their
    country, but we've got some experience against foreign wrestlers."

Erik: "Yin and Yang, the best of Japan, are back in Tokyo learning
    English!  We've taken the best of America, and are ready for the
    best of the Soviet Union!"

Daemon: "Russians!  Have you heard of John Smith?  He's beaten a lot
    of Commies in his day!  Bruce Bomgartner too!  And Kenny Monday?  He's
    kicked the snot out of a lot Russians too!"

Baboon: "General, what do you think of your teams chances against
    the monsters from Russia?"

General: "Russians?  Where were you in the Persian Gulf?  Sitting at the
    food lines in Moscow?  Cowards!  The Hoosiers are well prepared!  But
    don't think I'm afraid to pull them from the ring if the officiating is
    too awful!"

Baboon: "General, what about your upcoming tag match?"

(General points at several stitches on his forehead)

General: "I've taken a lot of beatings recently, but I'm still here, and
    I'm still kicking.  I've got the living legend of the PWGeA, Sledge Hammer,
    as my partner.  We will not be beat!  Plague Dog, Animal, I've got a
    couple surprises for you two guys!  The Four Corners tried to put me
    out of wrestling.  They failed!  I'm going to make you two runts pay
    for their sins!  What're you gonna do, when Hoosiermania runs wild
    on you!!!"

(The General rips off his shirt and flex's.  More noticable than his
 muscles are the large amounts of cuts and scratches all over his body)

Baboon: "This is Baboon Tempest closing out with the General and
    the Hoosiers!"

Robby: "That was enlightening.  They won't win though, they've been pounded
    too much in the last few weeks.  Did you see the General's body?  What
    a mess!"

Wince: "You're partly to blame for that, Robby.  You did ask the Four Corners
    to attack them."

Robby: "It was mostly their idea.  Smooth is brilliant, isn't he?"

Wince: "Now let's hear from another famous manager, Admiral Chekov!"

Chekov: "LIGHTFINGER!  You and I go back a long way.  Our feuds have been the
    most vicious in WeWF history.  And now, you come back for more."

Black Widow: "Well, this old body here thinks that he still has a World
    Title or two under his belt, so Khan Noonian Singh and Darth Vader
    you had better say your prayers (lots of prayers), eat your vitamins
    (lots of vitamins), train hard (harder than you can) and not believe
    too much in your chances, because..."

Mauler: "The Ultimate Trekkies always prevail!"

Chekov: "Eat your heart out, mock-majesty!  Chekov out!"

Baboon: "Chekov hit the nail on the head!  I think his team has a good chance of
    beating the Emperor's men

Robby: "Uh-huh.  Let's hear from another poor doomed sould, Warren Hammer."

"What an exciting event!  The Elimination Tag Match, the tournament, the
    various interfederation matches, a Battle Royale, a lumberjack match.  I
    could go on and on.  But what it comes down to is, the E-Wrestling
    Summit will prove who's the best of the best.  And the Mage's Gallery is
    out to prove, WE'RE the best..." -- Warren Hammer

"Four Corners, Shadow Assassins: You guys seem to think you're special!  We've
    heard rumors about you guys in the EMWA.  Well, I'm not impressed.  You have
    to prove yourselves to the Mage's Gallery.  At the E-Wrestling summit,
    you'll be facing the organization that has defined tag-team wrestling in the
    EMWA.  You will be facing the New Mystics, the EMWA World Tag Team
    champions, AND the PainMasters, the former 3-Man champions.  Additionally,
    John Girder is the former World Heavyweight champion.  The Mage's Gallery
    consists of 6 of the very best wrestlers in the world, and you won't find it
    so easy to beat my men!" -- The Magician, manager of the Mage's Gallery.

Robby: "We've got a responce from the Shadow Assassins, so let's go to it."

Johnny Vicious: "Magician, you think your guys have a monopoly on credentials?
    Guess again.  Girder, Mystics, how many successful title defenses have you
    made?  Zero.  On the other hand, we have two members of the former WeWF
    3-man champions, DiMadMan and BudMan.  All four Corners have held the WeWF
    Tag Titles at some point, DiMadMan and US Champ Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel"
    have held the WeWF World Title, and all of them except the Plaid Powerhouse
    have held Continental Titles.  My partner Ricky Dangerous is the former
    PWGeA North America Champion, and I've got a shot at that belt soon.  As
    you see, you may be 6 of the very best wrestlers in the world, but so are
    we, and it might not be easy, but you will be ELIMINATED!"

Wince: "Both teams have very good credentials, but the Four Corners' team may
    be missing a star member, Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel"."

Robby: "But they will win anyway.  Bjorn and the Plaid Powerhouse have both won
    battle royals, so they will be favorites in that big event too."

Baboon: "Speaking of Bjorn..."

"Bjorn you call yourself a champion?  Hahaha!  Maybe in that wimpy
    little federation of yours, but here in the PWGA we eat guys like
    you for breakfast!  Well you pretzel headed little bum, get ready for
    a SHOCKING EXPERIENCE!" - Lightning Bolt

Robby: "That insolent little...  I'm going to tell Bjorn he said that!"

Baboon: "You do that, Lame.  I think Lightning Bolt may surprise you."

Wince: "In another title match, Flint vs. Thunder, we got comments from Thunder
    before the last WeWF card, when Thunder was in the Arena scouting out
    the competition."

(The camera zooms in on reigning PWGeA champion Billy Thunder)

Thunder: 'Greetings all you 'arf arsed little bedbugs 'oo call yourself
    WeWF superstars.  Greetings from the PWGeA.  I 'ear that I'm
    going to be squaring off against the 'best' you 'ave to offer at
    this upcoming summit.  And I must say that the prospects are looking
    quite nice indeed.  Wether it be Miss Molly MaGuire or what is 'er
    name, ah yes, Val Lee.  'ow can I lose.  'tis indeed a pity that you
    both are so attached to your feeble excuses for proteges.  But alas
    oy may never understand American women.  It took me only two
    two weeks to take this belt I wear around moi waist in the PWGeA.
    Oy'm telling you know it's only gonna take one match to take yours.
    Flint, Steel, Kahuna, or General no matter, in the end when the storm
    passes the Thunder will rumble on.  Count it.'

Robby: "I am counting on it!"

Wince: "I think he's getting overconfident."

Baboon: "He has every right to be overconfident, Wince, he's undefeated."

Wince: "This match has just been announced: Molly Maguire, manager of Flint
    and Steel, against Katrina of the Hellkats!"

Molly: "So Katrina if the Hellcats are upset that there are no female wrestlers
    in the WeWF, well little kitty don't despair, we've had some real good
    womens matches over here and if we can sign the match, I'll
    take you on in any type of match you want.  Ya know I've been wanting to
    get back in the ring ever since I chased Amazon Amy out of the WeWF.
    Bring it on little kitty."

Katrina: "Molly Maguire?  HAH!  You might be a manager in wrestling;  you just
    might even be a GOOD manager.  BUT, you AREN'T one half of the EMWA
    Women's Tag-Team champions!  I look forward to meeting you in the ring,
    but I'm afraid you'll be disapointed with the outcome..."

Robby: "Molly Maguire can beat up other managers, but she can't beat a
    trained wrestler."

Wince: "We'll see about that, Robby.  Right now, let's run down the pairings
    for the Tag Team Tournament."

Wince: "The EMWA Tag Team Champions, The New Mystics, are ranked #1, the
    WeWF Tag Team Champions, The Hoosiers, are ranked #2, and the PWGeA Tag
    Team Champions, Club Anarchy are ranked #3."

Robby: "I've got to go with Flint and Steel in the first bracket, and Club
    Anarchy in the second bracket.  The winner will be... hmm... do you have
    a coin, Baboon?"

Baboon: "It's that close, huh?  A lot of good teams in there.  Let's hear from
    some of them, first...  Flint and Steel!"

Flint: "Well Frank, I'm really looking forward to this wrestling summit, we're
    going to be wrestling in the unified tag team tournement.  And as soon as I
    beat the Big Kahuna this week, I'll sign the contract for the title versus
    title match.  That should be one big event."

Steel: "The BattleCruisers, Club Anarchy, Girder and Hammer they got a lot
    of real good tag teams.  But we have the longest run as tag team champs in
    the WeWF as well as both of us holding the WeWF championship belt.  I love
    having new people to beat up on and I am going to be ready for blood after
    the battle royal."

Wince: "And now their first round opponents, The Future Express."

Peregrine Falcon: "Oh yeah, little dudes.  This is going to be one of our
    toughest matches.  We've got to face Flint and Steel in the first round, and
    they are a very good team.  But even if we don't win, at least we can learn
    a lot from them, and maybe we can teach them a few things too."

Hyper Warrior: "They may be bigger and stronger than us but so were the
    Dehydration and we outsmarted them time and time again.  We've got a few
    tricks up our sleeve, and if the ground war is too costly, we can always use
    our air superiority."

Falcon: "That's right, Warrior, we'll use our quickness, we'll use our brains,
    and we've got all the little Falcamaniacs on our side in case Molly Maguire
    tries to interfere.  Flint, Steel, Maguire, what are you gonna do when
    Falcamania and the Warrior crash down on you?"

Robby: "Those goody two-shoes!  Let's go to comments from the New Mystics
    and company."

"A Tag Team Tournament!  And some of the best teams in the world today
are participating!  We would like to wish good luck to the other
participants, but I don't think it will do them any good.  You see, the
Hunter and I are the EMWA World Tag Team champions.  And we didn't get
that distinction by being pushovers... Tell 'em, Hunter!" --  The Wizard

"That's right!  A lot of the other teams are quite talented!  But when
    the smoke clears, only one team will come out on top.  And that team's
    gonna be the New Mystics!" -- The Hunter

"Well, the Summit's fast approaching.  Myself and Warren Hammer are also
    involved in the Tag Team Tournament that the Mystics are going on about.
    But what I'm most looking forward to is the special Challenge
    Elimination Tag Team match.  Four Corners, Shadow Assassins--you boys
    are good.  But you're going to find out that the Mage's Gallery is that
    much better..." -- John Girder

Robby: "The Mage's Gallery has two teams in the tournament, and I predict
    they will both be eliminated in the first round!"

Baboon: "Give me a break!"

Wince: "Here are Metallicus and Fury, talking about the Battle Royal."

"At the E-Wrestling Summit, many of the top wrestlers in the world will
    be involved in a free-for-all, a Battle Royale.  I myself shall be
    enrolled in this massive brawl.  I would like to take the time now to
    warn the other participants that this is the type of match I won as my
    DEBUT into the EMWA.  I have experience in these events of mass carnage,
    and I plan on being victorious..." -- Metallicus

"murmer grunt growl FIGHT! snort dribble..." -- Fury

Robby: "I've got to say that WeWF Great Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" is
    the favorite for this battle royal.  He won a WeWF Battle Royal already,
    and he's a member of The Four Corners!  How could he lose?"

Wince: "That about wraps it up for the Summit Update!  We'll see you again
    on Wednesday in Chicago, on Thursday in Buffalo for the Battle Royal, and
    on Friday in Montreal for the Tag Team Tournament."

Baboon: "Robby the Lame and I will be kicking things off in Chicago at
    7 PM Eastern time on Wednesday.  Until then, this is Baboon Tempest for
    Robby the Lame and Wince McLady saying: so long, everyone."