Summit Update #2 From: arxt@quads.uchicago.edu (Aidan Palmer) Date: Mon, 08 Jul 1991 00:11:03 +0000 Summit of E-Wrestling Update #2 Wince: "Welcome to the second and last Summit Update!" Baboon: "We've got a list of all the matches, we've got comments, and we've even got matches!" Robby: "That's right, Tempest, on this program we've got two qualifying matches for Friday's Tag Team Tournament!" Wince: "The Tournament is all filled up, and so is Thursday's Battle Royal!" Robby: "What everyone wants to know about, McLady, is the match between PWGeA World Champion Billy Thunder and the reigning WeWF World Champion "Irish" Mike Flint." Baboon: "That's going to be the main event for the first day of inter-federation E-Wrestling, Wednesday, and a whole host of other matches will be on the card." Wince: "One of those matches will be Mr. B against the Black Knight." Robby: "Aside from Mr. B's Swarm, those two have no fan support. Look for them to throw the rulebook out the window. Hey, look for them to throw each other out the window!" Baboon: "In a grudge match, the Tholian Black Widow and the Romulan Mauler team up against Khan Noonian Singh and Darth Vader." Robby: "There's going to be action inside the ring and outside the ring, Tempest. I wouldn't be surprised if their managers, Admiral Chekov and Emperor David Lightfinger, mixed it up on the outside!" Wince: "How about this team-up? Former PWGeA Champion Sergeant Sledge Hammer and 3-Time WeWF Champion The General against the PWGeA's Plague Dog and the WeWF's Tom "the Animal" Brown?" Robby: "Both the Sergeant and the General are used to giving orders, so I'm anticipating a battle of the egos." Baboon: "Brewster Cogburn, who's in the EMWA and the PWGeA, against the Grim Reaper of the WeWF!" Robby: "Cogburn hasn't done very well in the PWGeA, but he was great in the EMWA. If he can get his skills back, I think he can take the Reaper. Otherwise he could get buried." Baboon: "Your mouth got your friends into trouble, Robby. In our first Update you said the Four Corners and the Shadow Assassins would make an unbeatable team. We'll find out at the Summit, because they have to contend with the Mage's Gallery in a 6 on 6 Elimination Match!" Robby: "Where's the problem, Tempest? I predict the Corners and Assassins will attack the Mage's Gallery before, during, and after the match, and those six bums will be stretchered out!" Baboon: "You're right, Lame, but it's going to be the Four Corners and the Shadow Assassins who get stretchered out." Wince: "Let's go on to the five title matches, guys. The Hoosiers are putting the WeWF Tag Team Titles on the line to take on the Soviets." Robby: "This should be a good match, but the Soviets will have the advantage. They and their manager, the Zampolit, can speak Russian to each other, and the Hoosiers won't know what they're saying." Baboon: "In another Tag Team Title match, Club Anarchy, the PWGeA Champions, defend against former WeWF Champions The Law in a Steel Cage." Robby: "Expect both teams to pull out all the stops in this one. What are the rules for this cage match?" Baboon: "I believe the first team to have both members escape to the floor will win the match." Wince: "Here's another specialty match for a title, in a Lumberjack Match PWGeA North America Champion Mr. Mercury will defend against The Aztec Mummy!" Robby: "Mercury is the better wrestler, no question about it, but he has been spending too much time concentrating on the waves, and not enough time concentrating on the match." Baboon: "Both wrestlers will have 10 lumberjacks on their side. It should be a happening." Wince: "And another big match, WeWF US Champion Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" vs. Lightning Bolt of the PWGeA." Robby: "Lightning Bolt? Why? He doesn't deserve a title shot, not even against the PWGeA All-Jobber Champion!" Baboon: "He'll have a chance to prove you wrong at the Summit, Lame, and he may be able to beat Bjorn." Robby: "Isn't Bjorn supposed to be in the match against the Mage's Gallery?" Baboon: "I guess The Four Corners will have to find a replacement. Who do you think they'll pick, Wince?" Wince: "They've got a lot of choices, Sour Krout, The Hit 'N' Run Rabbi, or anybody from the Abattoir. Don't ask me who Smooth is contemplating." Baboon: "Then there's the main event, title for title, "Irish" Mike Flint against Billy Thunder." Robby: "Thunder took the PWGeA World Title in just a few weeks, and I wouldn't be surprised if he took the WeWF Title in one night! On the other hand, Flint is more experienced, and it wouldn't surprise me to see him win the match either." Wince: "What a lineup! Let's hear from some of the participants in the matches." Baboon: "We saw Club Anarchy destroy the Code of Hammurabi last time, this time we've got The Law at the scene of the crime." (The two judges, Anderson and Dredd, stand over a familiar piece of broken obelisk. The code of Hamurrabi, shattered by Club Anarchy.) Dredd: "You two pitiful fools. Did you really expect this display to mean a single thing to us?" (Anderson picks up a piece of the stone that is still intact and smashes it to the floor.) Anderson: "This stone means nothing. These laws mean nothing. There's only one Law, juves. And as you saw last Sunday, it doesn't sit around waiting to be broke." Dredd: 'Take a long hard breath Anarchy. It may just be your last. You can run, but you can't hide. Summit time is coming little boys, and judgement will be passed." Anderson: "We don't need referees, we don't need countouts, we don't need anything or anyone cause there's only one law we play by and ....." Dredd: "WE" Anderson: "ARE" Both: "THE LAW!!!!!!" Baboon: "The Law certainly don't wait around, they showed up at a Club Anarchy match and taught them a lesson." Robby: "Big deal. Club Anarchy are going to teach The Law a thing or two in the cage match." Wince: "We've got another video from Club Anarchy. Roll tape..." The segment starts with what is apparantly a helicopter mounted shot of Washington D.C., however if one looks closely at the antlike movements of the vehicles and such, it can be discerned by the strange scale, that this is probably a miniature replica of D.C. in a studio somewhere. It is quite impressive though, and quite large. Jimmy Hendrix' Purple Haze begins playing and the camera begins spiraling down towards the city, focusing on the capitol building. It then cuts to the Lincoln Memorial from the ground. Suddenly, the sounds of destruction can be heard from within the Memorial itself, and a psychedelic Godzilla bursts out of the building, roaring impressively. About Godzilla's waist is the PGWeA tag team belt, painted in psychedelic color. People can be seen in the foreground [with obvious green screening effect] running away. People: "Run! Run! Godzilla! Oh no, Godzilla! He's destroying the Capitol of America! Run!" Narrator: "Yes, Godzilla had arrived in Washington D.C., seat of Law for the United States of America. Here he would stomp and chomp through the city, bringing Anarchy to the populace, and he would dance." Godzilla begins dancing to Purple Haze as he stomps the Lincoln Memorial to smithereens, and then starts to make his way up the Mall to the Washington Monument. Meanwhile... The scene cuts to the Potomic River, where _another_ Godzilla, wearing sunglasses, bursts forth and begins to wreak havoc and carnage as he heads towards the capitol building. He arrives there, just as the airforce does, with dozens of jet fighters. Godzilla swats them away like flies. He rips the roof off of the capitol and proceeds to grab people out of it, eating senators and representatives from all over the country, yummmy! He then stomps over to the White House. The psychedelic Godzilla is there by now, having removed the Washington Monument, which he is wielding like a baseball bat. Both of the monsters charge the White House and smash it into little bitty bits as Jimmy Hendrix wails. Finally the song ends and the Godzillas stop. Removing their heads, they reveal themselves to be Club Anarchy. Captain Necropolis: "Once again, we have destroyed a symbol of excessive law and stifling order." Dr. Lethe: "Und Echoying it tu!" Captain Necropolis: "The Law will fall before our might, like the puny buildings of this former Urban complex, for we are the masters of the Urban jungle as we have demonstrated. We will be the ones to walk out of the cage, free of the chains of government once and for all! We still hold the championship of the world. Where are your belts Law? Gone! During our last title defense you proved that your ideas were unworthy, for you were forced to jump us from behind like cowards, just like the authorities always do. Well, I've stood up to the attacks of twenty strapping Uncle Sams and still stood. What can two cowardly fascists hope to accomplish?" Dr. Lethe: "Ja, und vat tacky Kostuming zey have tu! Mebbe, chu Law types avter die match kann having Silvah giving chu fazhion tips? Oh vell, it iz tu dance!" At the cue from Dr. Lethe, a silver disco ball falls from the ceiling and the lights go down. My War by Black Flagg starts playing and the leather clad fans of Club Anarchy rush the studio and begin slam dancing with Dr. Lethe and the good Captain, still in their Godzilla suits. [this segement conceived and directed by Dr. Lethe] Baboon: "Give me a break! Sure they can break inanimate objects, but can they beat The Law?" Robby: "After Club Anarchy hit them a couple of times, The Law will be inanimate objects! Then Dr. Lethe and Captain Necropolis can smash them to their heart's content." Wince: "We don't have to wait for the Summit to see tag team action. We've got two qualifying matches for Friday's Tournament, the Academics vs. Baron Von Klaw and Brewster Cogburn, and Hammer and Sickle vs. The Androgynes." Baboon: "The first match is already underway, so let's go to Magilla Mongoose and Jimmy Vendetta at ringside." Magilla: "... Baron Von Klaw in complete control over Prof. Wolfman, the man who took the PWGeA All-Jobber belt away from him... Von Klaw whips Wolfie to the ropes... KLAW HOLD!!! IT'S OVER!!!... Hey, LOOK OUT!" Jimmy: "Missy Holliday, the Academics' manager, is peeling off her dress!!! Baron Von Klaw releases the Klaw Hold to stare at the stunning beauty, who is now wearing an itsy-bitsy teeny-weenie yellow-polka dot bikini!" Magilla: "I could swear that I saw something like that already... Anyway, Wolfman takes advantage of the commotion... He crawls back into his corner... Tags to Prof. Spewmaster!!! Listen to the Crowd, Jimmy!" Jimmy: "Missy Holliday is waving her finger at Baron Von Klaw... Spewmaster sneaks up from behind and taps the Baron on the shoulder... Baron turns around AND GETS SPEWED IN THE FACE!" Magilla: "That's what you get for looking at the ladies instead of concentra- ting on your opponent!" Jimmy: "Yeah, I am sure that you would think about the Wolfman if you were stuck in a closet with Missy Holliday!" Magilla: "Spewmaster lifts Baron Von Klaw on his shoulders, while Wolfman climbs the top rope... AND PULLS A BONE OUT OF HIS LEATHER CLOTHES!!! WOLFMAN LEAPS... AND NAILS THE BARON!" Jimmy: "This can't be happening! Somebody will actually beat Von Klaw with an Illegal move??? Von Klaw, the KING of the International Object???" Magilla: "Wolfman covers: One! Two! Three! The Academics are qualified for the Summit tournament!" Wince: "The Academics earned one of the sixteen spots in the tournament, and we'll have the other match for you later on." Robby: "How about that? The Wolfman and Professor Spewmaster are in the tournament. I don't think they'll last very long though." Baboon: "Here's someone who has lasted for hundreds of years... The Aztec Mummy!" The scene: The camera reveals a cave, deep underground and partially man-made. A small three foot wide stream cuts straight through the floor to a round chamber. The Aztec Mummy can be seen sitting crosslegged in the chamber, his back to the camera. He is not wearing his facial linens, but his face is hidden in the shadows of the cave. He is somewhat stooped in the cave, since his 7'2" frame does not fit well into a chamber with only a 4 foot ceiling, even while sitting. The Aztec Mummy speaks in his typical rasping voice. It booms and dominates the close quarters of the underground chamber. Mummy: "I am here in the sacred cave underneath the Temple of the Sun in the ruined city of Teotihuacan, the civilization from which my people, the Mexica, descended. I have fasted and meditated upon my upcoming match with the American hedonist, Mr. Mercury. I have been down here for a week now, and will only come out to catch my plane to the summit. By then I will have seen how I will eradicate my foe in a prophecy brought to me by the Vision Serpent, servant of the Sun God, Huichtilipotli. I will have reached down into myself and pulled out the soul of my warrior ancestors. My only thoughts will be of combat. You of the west may know of the tradition of Viking beserkers. I will have reached such a state by the time I enter the ring with my opponent, the weak minded pretender to stellar authority, Mr. 'Mercury'. Look now, pretender, and see what you face." [The Aztec Mummy lights a brazier and sticks his hand full in the flames. He does not flinch. His hand begins to blister. He leaves it in a full 30 seconds before he removes it, silent until the end of the ordeal.] "With the power of my ancestors, I do not acknowledge pain of any sort. You, however, will break in my hands like maize does upon the matate. Enjoy your idyll in the sun if you can pretender. It will not last long, and I doubt even you can surf in a wheelchair." [The camera fades out.] Baboon: "The Mummy doesn't feel pain? Incredible! How will Mr. Mercury react, Robby?" Robby: "I bet that idiot runs and hides! If he can't hurt the Mummy, he can't beat the Mummy." Wince: "Mr. Mercury could possibly be involved in another match, teaming with The Big Kahuna of the WeWF." (T.B.Kahuna and Val Lee run in from the California Surf) Val: "Like omigosh TB the Summit is almost like here ok? And no one will like accept the challenge to join up with The Black Knight from the PWGeA to wrestle in totally tubular tag action against you and that totally to the max hunk Mr.Mercury. Like what's the scoop?" T.B.: "Dudette I just don't know. Maybe our combined robust manliness is just much for anyone in the WeWF to handle. No one's got the wave splitting guts to face us." Val: "Maybe it's the je.." T.B.: "Shhh. So now I, we are making it public for you heel land suckers out there in Budman land, Me and Mercury vs BK and anyone of you with the guts to enter the ring with us. Are you dudes? Or buttheads? Surf's Up!" (The duo runs back into the waves, people cheering them on) Robby: "The combined brain power in that clip underwhelmed me, McLady." Wince: "The Big Kahuna isn't a Rhodes Scholar, but he's still a great wrestler!" Baboon: "No question about it. Now let's go to our other qualifying match, The Androgynes vs. Hammer and Sickle." Jimmy: "... This dude, Tomahawk, is overachieving tonight." Magilla: "Yeah, but he has always been an overachiever! Ever seen any jobbers win the World Tag-TEam titles, apart from him?" Jimmy: "Ever heard of RnR, Mongoose? And the only reason why The Masked Missiles ever won the PWGeA tag belts is because The Patriot was even bigger than your mother!" Magilla: "Uh, puh-lease!.. Tomahawk whips Michael into the ropes... Flying clothesline! He now signals for the Hammer and Sickle move!!!" Jimmy: "I must admit that this is exciting!" Magilla: "Sargent Glasnost picks up Michael in a belly-to-back suplex position... Tomahawk off the ropes with a clothesline..." Jimmy: "The Hammer!" Magilla: "...And Glasnost completes the suplex by bridgind over Michael!.." Jimmy: "The Sickle!... One, two, KICKOUT!" Magilla: "AND MICHAEL MOONWALKS BACK INTO HIS CORNER TO TAG IN ANNIE!" Jimmy: "Annie picks up Glasnost and tosses him over the top rope! Now, it's Annie and Tomahawk one on one!... "Thorn in my Side" dropkick... AND THE MISSIONARY MAN CRUCIFIX! ONE, TWO, THREE! THE ANDROGYNES WIN IT!" Wince: "And the Androgynes are qualified! We now have the complete roster of all 16 teams, and we'll bring it to you later in the program." Robby: "Now let's go to Baboon Tempest." Daemon, Erik and the General are with Baboon Tempest, The General is waving a large Amercian flag. Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen is playing in the background: Baboon: "This is Baboon Tempest with the General and the Hoosiers, getting geared up the upcoming Supercard. Hoosiers, you are set to wrestle the Russians in the big card! What do you think?" Daemon: "The Russians are a tough team, and are at the top of their country, but we've got some experience against foreign wrestlers." Erik: "Yin and Yang, the best of Japan, are back in Tokyo learning English! We've taken the best of America, and are ready for the best of the Soviet Union!" Daemon: "Russians! Have you heard of John Smith? He's beaten a lot of Commies in his day! Bruce Bomgartner too! And Kenny Monday? He's kicked the snot out of a lot Russians too!" Baboon: "General, what do you think of your teams chances against the monsters from Russia?" General: "Russians? Where were you in the Persian Gulf? Sitting at the food lines in Moscow? Cowards! The Hoosiers are well prepared! But don't think I'm afraid to pull them from the ring if the officiating is too awful!" Baboon: "General, what about your upcoming tag match?" (General points at several stitches on his forehead) General: "I've taken a lot of beatings recently, but I'm still here, and I'm still kicking. I've got the living legend of the PWGeA, Sledge Hammer, as my partner. We will not be beat! Plague Dog, Animal, I've got a couple surprises for you two guys! The Four Corners tried to put me out of wrestling. They failed! I'm going to make you two runts pay for their sins! What're you gonna do, when Hoosiermania runs wild on you!!!" (The General rips off his shirt and flex's. More noticable than his muscles are the large amounts of cuts and scratches all over his body) Baboon: "This is Baboon Tempest closing out with the General and the Hoosiers!" Robby: "That was enlightening. They won't win though, they've been pounded too much in the last few weeks. Did you see the General's body? What a mess!" Wince: "You're partly to blame for that, Robby. You did ask the Four Corners to attack them." Robby: "It was mostly their idea. Smooth is brilliant, isn't he?" Wince: "Now let's hear from another famous manager, Admiral Chekov!" Chekov: "LIGHTFINGER! You and I go back a long way. Our feuds have been the most vicious in WeWF history. And now, you come back for more." Black Widow: "Well, this old body here thinks that he still has a World Title or two under his belt, so Khan Noonian Singh and Darth Vader you had better say your prayers (lots of prayers), eat your vitamins (lots of vitamins), train hard (harder than you can) and not believe too much in your chances, because..." Mauler: "The Ultimate Trekkies always prevail!" Chekov: "Eat your heart out, mock-majesty! Chekov out!" Baboon: "Chekov hit the nail on the head! I think his team has a good chance of beating the Emperor's men Robby: "Uh-huh. Let's hear from another poor doomed sould, Warren Hammer." "What an exciting event! The Elimination Tag Match, the tournament, the various interfederation matches, a Battle Royale, a lumberjack match. I could go on and on. But what it comes down to is, the E-Wrestling Summit will prove who's the best of the best. And the Mage's Gallery is out to prove, WE'RE the best..." -- Warren Hammer "Four Corners, Shadow Assassins: You guys seem to think you're special! We've heard rumors about you guys in the EMWA. Well, I'm not impressed. You have to prove yourselves to the Mage's Gallery. At the E-Wrestling summit, you'll be facing the organization that has defined tag-team wrestling in the EMWA. You will be facing the New Mystics, the EMWA World Tag Team champions, AND the PainMasters, the former 3-Man champions. Additionally, John Girder is the former World Heavyweight champion. The Mage's Gallery consists of 6 of the very best wrestlers in the world, and you won't find it so easy to beat my men!" -- The Magician, manager of the Mage's Gallery. Robby: "We've got a responce from the Shadow Assassins, so let's go to it." Johnny Vicious: "Magician, you think your guys have a monopoly on credentials? Guess again. Girder, Mystics, how many successful title defenses have you made? Zero. On the other hand, we have two members of the former WeWF 3-man champions, DiMadMan and BudMan. All four Corners have held the WeWF Tag Titles at some point, DiMadMan and US Champ Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" have held the WeWF World Title, and all of them except the Plaid Powerhouse have held Continental Titles. My partner Ricky Dangerous is the former PWGeA North America Champion, and I've got a shot at that belt soon. As you see, you may be 6 of the very best wrestlers in the world, but so are we, and it might not be easy, but you will be ELIMINATED!" Wince: "Both teams have very good credentials, but the Four Corners' team may be missing a star member, Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel"." Robby: "But they will win anyway. Bjorn and the Plaid Powerhouse have both won battle royals, so they will be favorites in that big event too." Baboon: "Speaking of Bjorn..." "Bjorn you call yourself a champion? Hahaha! Maybe in that wimpy little federation of yours, but here in the PWGA we eat guys like you for breakfast! Well you pretzel headed little bum, get ready for a SHOCKING EXPERIENCE!" - Lightning Bolt Robby: "That insolent little... I'm going to tell Bjorn he said that!" Baboon: "You do that, Lame. I think Lightning Bolt may surprise you." Wince: "In another title match, Flint vs. Thunder, we got comments from Thunder before the last WeWF card, when Thunder was in the Arena scouting out the competition." (The camera zooms in on reigning PWGeA champion Billy Thunder) Thunder: 'Greetings all you 'arf arsed little bedbugs 'oo call yourself WeWF superstars. Greetings from the PWGeA. I 'ear that I'm going to be squaring off against the 'best' you 'ave to offer at this upcoming summit. And I must say that the prospects are looking quite nice indeed. Wether it be Miss Molly MaGuire or what is 'er name, ah yes, Val Lee. 'ow can I lose. 'tis indeed a pity that you both are so attached to your feeble excuses for proteges. But alas oy may never understand American women. It took me only two two weeks to take this belt I wear around moi waist in the PWGeA. Oy'm telling you know it's only gonna take one match to take yours. Flint, Steel, Kahuna, or General no matter, in the end when the storm passes the Thunder will rumble on. Count it.' Robby: "I am counting on it!" Wince: "I think he's getting overconfident." Baboon: "He has every right to be overconfident, Wince, he's undefeated." Wince: "This match has just been announced: Molly Maguire, manager of Flint and Steel, against Katrina of the Hellkats!" Molly: "So Katrina if the Hellcats are upset that there are no female wrestlers in the WeWF, well little kitty don't despair, we've had some real good womens matches over here and if we can sign the match, I'll take you on in any type of match you want. Ya know I've been wanting to get back in the ring ever since I chased Amazon Amy out of the WeWF. Bring it on little kitty." Katrina: "Molly Maguire? HAH! You might be a manager in wrestling; you just might even be a GOOD manager. BUT, you AREN'T one half of the EMWA Women's Tag-Team champions! I look forward to meeting you in the ring, but I'm afraid you'll be disapointed with the outcome..." Robby: "Molly Maguire can beat up other managers, but she can't beat a trained wrestler." Wince: "We'll see about that, Robby. Right now, let's run down the pairings for the Tag Team Tournament." The New Mystics (#1) vs. The Androgynes ---------- | Sword and Shield (#8) vs. |---------- The Soviets --------- | | Flint and Steel (#4) vs. |---------- The Future Express ---------- | | | | | Double Trouble (#5) vs. |---------- | The 007 Special ----------- | | Club Anarchy (#3) vs. |---------- Romulan Mauler and Black Widow --- | | | The Maniacs (#6) vs. |---------- | The Academics -------------- | | | | The Hoosiers (#2) vs. |---------- The BattleCruisers ------------- | | | Inferno and Firepower (#7) vs. |---------- John Girder and Warren Hammer ---- Wince: "The EMWA Tag Team Champions, The New Mystics, are ranked #1, the WeWF Tag Team Champions, The Hoosiers, are ranked #2, and the PWGeA Tag Team Champions, Club Anarchy are ranked #3." Robby: "I've got to go with Flint and Steel in the first bracket, and Club Anarchy in the second bracket. The winner will be... hmm... do you have a coin, Baboon?" Baboon: "It's that close, huh? A lot of good teams in there. Let's hear from some of them, first... Flint and Steel!" Flint: "Well Frank, I'm really looking forward to this wrestling summit, we're going to be wrestling in the unified tag team tournement. And as soon as I beat the Big Kahuna this week, I'll sign the contract for the title versus title match. That should be one big event." Steel: "The BattleCruisers, Club Anarchy, Girder and Hammer they got a lot of real good tag teams. But we have the longest run as tag team champs in the WeWF as well as both of us holding the WeWF championship belt. I love having new people to beat up on and I am going to be ready for blood after the battle royal." Wince: "And now their first round opponents, The Future Express." Peregrine Falcon: "Oh yeah, little dudes. This is going to be one of our toughest matches. We've got to face Flint and Steel in the first round, and they are a very good team. But even if we don't win, at least we can learn a lot from them, and maybe we can teach them a few things too." Hyper Warrior: "They may be bigger and stronger than us but so were the Dehydration and we outsmarted them time and time again. We've got a few tricks up our sleeve, and if the ground war is too costly, we can always use our air superiority." Falcon: "That's right, Warrior, we'll use our quickness, we'll use our brains, and we've got all the little Falcamaniacs on our side in case Molly Maguire tries to interfere. Flint, Steel, Maguire, what are you gonna do when Falcamania and the Warrior crash down on you?" Robby: "Those goody two-shoes! Let's go to comments from the New Mystics and company." "A Tag Team Tournament! And some of the best teams in the world today are participating! We would like to wish good luck to the other participants, but I don't think it will do them any good. You see, the Hunter and I are the EMWA World Tag Team champions. And we didn't get that distinction by being pushovers... Tell 'em, Hunter!" -- The Wizard "That's right! A lot of the other teams are quite talented! But when the smoke clears, only one team will come out on top. And that team's gonna be the New Mystics!" -- The Hunter "Well, the Summit's fast approaching. Myself and Warren Hammer are also involved in the Tag Team Tournament that the Mystics are going on about. But what I'm most looking forward to is the special Challenge Elimination Tag Team match. Four Corners, Shadow Assassins--you boys are good. But you're going to find out that the Mage's Gallery is that much better..." -- John Girder Robby: "The Mage's Gallery has two teams in the tournament, and I predict they will both be eliminated in the first round!" Baboon: "Give me a break!" Wince: "Here are Metallicus and Fury, talking about the Battle Royal." "At the E-Wrestling Summit, many of the top wrestlers in the world will be involved in a free-for-all, a Battle Royale. I myself shall be enrolled in this massive brawl. I would like to take the time now to warn the other participants that this is the type of match I won as my DEBUT into the EMWA. I have experience in these events of mass carnage, and I plan on being victorious..." -- Metallicus "murmer grunt growl FIGHT! snort dribble..." -- Fury Robby: "I've got to say that WeWF Great Bjorn "the Sweedish Pretzel" is the favorite for this battle royal. He won a WeWF Battle Royal already, and he's a member of The Four Corners! How could he lose?" Wince: "That about wraps it up for the Summit Update! We'll see you again on Wednesday in Chicago, on Thursday in Buffalo for the Battle Royal, and on Friday in Montreal for the Tag Team Tournament." Baboon: "Robby the Lame and I will be kicking things off in Chicago at 7 PM Eastern time on Wednesday. Until then, this is Baboon Tempest for Robby the Lame and Wince McLady saying: so long, everyone." Up