WeWF July Supercard!

From: arxt@quads.uchicago.edu (Aidan Palmer)

Date: Fri, 02 Aug 1991 03:22:42 +0000

WeWF Supercard 5: "The Heat is On"
Wednesday, July 31 1991
The Trump Plaza in Atlantic City, New Jersey

Wince: "Welcome to the 5th WeWF Supercard, and the first of the summer!
    I'm Wince McLady, and joining me here in the broadcast booth is Lord
    Winfred Vague."

Vague: "Thank you, Wince.  Our two regular announcers won't be here tonight,
    they are getting set to square off!"

Wince: "That leaves us under-manned up here.  Green Jean Oktoberfest and
    Rusty Nose will be roaming the arena looking for interviews with some
    of our great athletes!"

Vague: "Speaking of great athletes, two truly skilled specimens The Big Kahuna
    and "Irish" Mike Flint will be facing off for the very last time in our
    main event."

Wince: "But before we get to that, we have four other matches signed, starting
    with one that was just added: #1 contenders The Hoosiers against #3
    contenders RnR in a Texas Tornado match with #2 contenders The Law as
    special guest referees!"

Vague: "Three very good teams in the ring, and I'm sure The Law will want to
    use the other two teams to maneuver themselves to a title shot."

Wince: "How can you say that?  I'm sure The Law have more integrity than you're
    suggesting!"

Vague: "As Machiavelli would say, the end justifies the means."

Wince: "Let's go down to ringside!"

The Hoosiers vs. RnR
         in a Texas Tornado Match with The Law as guest referees

Dredd: "RnR we know who you are, and even though you say it's time for change,
    nothing seems to have changed, all you do is talk.  Well juves, once
    you step inside that ring the talk stops, and the wrestling begins.
    You'd better have changed for the better cause we're gonna be watchin'"

Anderson: "And you Hoosiers, we had the unfortunate honor of witnessing first
    hand you're wrestling style.  Well you can count on the fact that we'll
    be making sure there are no "phantom tag ins" during this match."

Dredd: "One thing is certain, the Law will be upheld during this match."

Anderson: "Don't even BREATHE wrong."

Wince: "They certainly mean business!  And here they come!"

Vague: "Those bullies, The Law are getting a mixed crowd reaction as they
    walk to the ring.  It is unfair of them to pick on a weaker team like
    Oroboros, and some of the fans are letting them know."

Wince: "I don't know about that, The Law are tough on law and order and a
    lot of fans respect them for that!  That's why they're here tonight,
    to keep the two teams in order for this match."

Vague: "Green Jean Oktoberfest has tracked down the Hoosiers for some last
    minutes comments."

Green Jean: "General, your boys, the Hoosiers are up for a great challenge.
    They are risking their #1 ranking in a texas tornado match against the #3
    contenders, RnR!  Why did you choose this?"

General: "My boys have softened up a bit.  It's time I gave them a real workout.
    RnR have been in this federation as long as I have, since it's founding.
    They'll give my boys the workout that they need."

Green Jean: "You have enlisted the Law as guest referees.  Why is that?"

General: "Both my students and myself have been on the recieving end of a lot of
    foul play as of late.  I recently lost a title bout that I should have won,
    but was clocked over the head with a chair!  This kind of stuff is
    outrageous!  If the Law is more than a bunch of hot air, they'll keep the
    match clean."

Green Jean: "The Law has had several run ins with both your team and RnR, how do
    you think that will affect the officiating?"

General: "This does make for an interesting angle.  The LAW and RnR have had
    a feud running for quite some time.  That might seem to give us an unfair
    advantage, but the LAW also hasn't quite forgiven Erik and the Daemon for
    taking the tag belts away from them."

Vague: "Erik, and the Daemon- Do you two have anything to say?"

Erik: "We've been down and out, losing 3 matches in a row.  We've never had a
    losing streak like this before.  It's time to get back on track!"

Daemon: "It's been a while since we last whooped the tails of RnR.  They've
    improved greatly, and are breathing down our necks for the #1 contendership.
    We're going to have to let it all hang out to bring this victory home."

Green Jean: "Good luck guys.  This is Green Jean Oktoberfest closing out with
    the Hoosiers and their manager the General."

Dink: "Introducing first, led to the ring by their manager Keith Skar,
    here are Lord Roderick and Mr. Roddy...  RnR!"

Wince: "Thumbs down for RnR, Lord Winfred."

Vague: "Absolutely, they aren't very well liked in the WeWF, but they are both
    very good wrestlers.  In fact, they are former tag team champions!"

Wince: "And here comes another team of former champions, The Hoosiers!"

(Back Home Again in Indiana goes on the speakers)

Dink: "Now entering the ring...  Hailing from Bloomington, Indiana...  With
    their manager, 3 time former WeWF heavyweight champion of the world, the
    General...  At a combined weight of Four Hundred and Ninety Seven pounds,
    Here are the former, and soon to be future WeWF tag team champions of the
    world, Erik, and the Daemon, the HOOOOOOOOOOSIERS!!!!!"

Wince: "A lot of cheers for The Hoosiers!  They look determined to beat RnR
    and hopefully earn a title rematch."

Vague: "Right off the bat The Law are stepping in, they aren't letting the
    two teams at each other until the bell rings.  And now they're ordering
    the managers away from the ring!"

Wince: "A very good move on the part of The Law!  They should now have an
    easier time controlling this match."

Vague: "But that will put the Hoosiers at a disadvantage.  No manager could
    distract both referees, but if The General had an opening he could have
    pummeled one of RnR.  With him gone, things shift in favor of RnR."

Wince: "I don't know about that.  Whoah, the match is underway!  Lord Roderick
    attacks Erik and Mr. Roddy attacks Daemon!  And The Hoosiers are fighting
    back!"

Vague: "Erik bounces Lord Roderick off the ropes and backdrops him out of the
    ring.  So much for RnR's fast start, Wince."

Wince: "But Lord Roderick gets back in in a hurry.  Mr. Roddy is choking Daemon
    in the corner, but Judge Anderson breaks it up and scolds him!"

Vague: "It looks like this will be a very clean match, and that shifts things
    back in favor of The Hoosiers!"

Wince: "Lord Roderick whips Erik into the buckles and charges in, but Erik
    moves away!  Erik grabs Lord Roderick and rams him into the top turnbuckle
    ten times as the fans count along."

Vague: "But wait, Judge Dredd breaks it up and scolds Erik for pulling Lord
    Roderick's hair!"

Wince: "I didn't see it."

Vague: "That gave Lord Roderick a respite, and he kicks Erik in the midsection.
    Meanwhile, on the other side of the ring, Daemon just did a quick go-behind
    and he rolls Mr. Roddy up!  Judge Anderson counts, but Mr. Roddy kicks out
    after one."

Wince: "Lord Roderick just raked Erik's eyes, and Judge Dredd saw it.  Lord
    Roderick is getting a tongue-lashing."

Vague: "Mr. Roddy atomic drops Daemon.  Daemon is dazed for a moment, and that
    allows Mr. Roddy to slap on a full nelson."

Wince: "But Daemon gets out by dropping down!  He rolls out to the ring apron
    and sunset flips Mr. Roddy... no, Mr. Roddy grabs the ropes to keep his
    balance and drops onto Daemon for the pin!  One, two, kickout!"

Vague: "That was a very slow count by Judge Dredd.  Meanwhile Lord Roderick
    whips Erik off the ropes and elbows him.  Scoop by Lord Roderick, and a
    body slam.  He bounces off the ropes and drops a knee on the downed
    Hoosier."

Wince: "Lord Roderick goes to help out his partner.  They force Daemon back
    into a corner and they are both punching him!  The Law come in and break
    up the fight, and they are lecturing RnR about hitting with closed fists!"

Vague: "Erik recovers, and he grabs Mr. Roddy from behind.  He lifts him up
    and gives him a belly-to-back suplex, using the ropes to gain extra
    momentum!  A slingshot belly-to-back suplex!"

Wince: "And Daemon climbs to the top rope, but he loses his balance!  Judge
    Dredd leaned against the ropes, and that pulled the top rope out from
    under Daemon's feet."

Vague: "And Lord Roderick nails Daemon with a heart punch!  He covers, but
    Erik kicks him off."

Wince: "Mr. Roddy axehandles Erik from behind, and now he and Lord Roderick
    are pounding away!  They execute a double elbow drop, but the Daemon
    clotheslines them as they are getting up!"

Vague: "Daemon bounces off the ropes and dropkicks Lord Roderick!  Erik and
    Mr. Roddy get back to their feet, and they brawl over to the ropes, and
    they both spill out over the top rope!"

Wince: "Judge Anderson was trying to separate them, and that may have caused
    them to tip over too far.  Daemon monkey flips Lord Roderick and quickly
    goes for a pin, but Judge Dredd gives a slow count and Lord Roderick kicks
    out."

Vague: "That was not a slow count.  Erik rolls back into the ring and he whips
    Lord Roderick into the corner.  Now he whips Daemon into the same corner...
    stinger splash!"

Wince: "Mr. Roddy climbs back into the ring behind Erik and puts a sleeper on
    him!  Daemon small packages Lord Roderick in the corner, but Lord Roderick's
    foot is on the ropes."

Vague: "Erik backs into a corner, squashing Mr. Roddy!  Erik and Daemon irish
    whip their opponents into the center of the ring...  RnR collide!"

Wince: "Erik quickly moves in and lifts Mr. Roddy off the ground, and Daemon
    bounces off the ropes to deliver a flying clothesline on the helpless
    Mr. Roddy, but Judge Anderson is in his way!  Daemon deccelerates to
    avoid hitting Judge Anderson, and that gives Lord Roderick the chance to
    push Mr. Roddy so that he and Erik topple over, and Mr. Roddy lands on
    top of Erik!"

Vague: "One, two, kickout!"

Wince: "That was sort of a slow count, Judge Dredd paused between two and
    three!"

Vague: "I didn't notice that.  Daemon is arguing with Judge Anderson, and
    meanwhile RnR whip Erik off the ropes into a double boot to the face!"

Wince: "Mr. Roddy clibs to the top rope and delivers a flying axehandle."

Vague: "Erik goes down, and Mr. Roddy covers.  One, kickout.  But Lord Roderick
    climbed to the top rope, and he goes for a splash on Erik before Erik
    can stand up, but Erik gets his knees up!"

Wince: "Daemon bounces off the ropes and catches Mr. Roddy with a flying
    headscissors!  Mr. Roddy rolls all the way out of the ring!"

Vague: "Erik picks Lord Roderick up on his shoulders and Daemon climbs to the
    top rope..."

Wince: "This is the move we saw them practicing, Lord Winfred!"

Vague: "... flying Frankensteiner by The Hoosiers!  Mr. Roddy tries to get
    back into the ring, but Erik gorilla presses him and throws him back out
    of the ring!"

Wince: "Daemon covers Lord Roderick for a sure three count... one... two...
    and a long pause by Judge Anderson!  Erik slams Judge Anderson's hand on
    the mat!  That's the three count!  The Hoosiers win!  Listen to the crowd
    cheer!"

Vague: "Look who's in the front row, Wince, it's the Secret Agent Man!  He's
    been taking pictures of the match!"

Wince: "I wonder who he's investigating?  The General is running to the ring...
    he throws a chair at The Law!  The fans are going wild!"

Vague: "The Hoosiers and The General are shouting at The Law complaining that
    they didn't do a good job as referees."

Wince: "And The Law is shouting back at them!  Judge Dredd turns to leave, but
    The General spins him around... and receives a haymaker from Judge Dredd!"

Vague: "It's mayhem in there!  RnR join the fray!"

Wince: "Get some security personnel in there!  Things are out of control!"

The BattleCruisers vs. Oroboros
         in a Tar and Feather, Three Falls Match

Wince: "Now it's time for more tag team action!  This match has a special
    stipulation: the losers will be tarred and feathered by the winners!"

Vague: "I believe that means Oroboros will be tarred and feathered.  They
    haven't won a sanctioned WeWF match yet!"

Wince: "Lucking out in this match won't be enough, they will have to get two
    pins, submissions, disqualifications, or countouts to win the match."

(camera fades in to a zoom on the UFWS World tag-team belt worn by the Black
 Widow)

Chekov: "This, Oroboros, is the symbol of true tag-team excellence. My men
    in the UFWS have won the gold; my men in the WeWF will do just as well. It
    all starts tonight, when we tar and feather you out of wrestling!"

Photon: "Oroboros and Silvah Hypocrisy! You have seen the symbol of perfection.
    It is now time to see the symbol of your lowliness and your humiliation!"

(The Gobbledy-Gooker, is full yellowy-feathery splendor, jumps in front of the
 camera, screaming stupidities and jumping like a maniac)

Chekov: "This, Silvah, is a turkey!  Look at him, and think about what YOU will
    look like after this match!!!"

All (waving rubber chickens): "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!"

Wince: "Here come Oroboros and Silvah Hypocrisy!  The fans don't seem to like
    them very much."

Vague: "They're carrying snakes to the ring!  That's an unusual way to make
    an entrance, but we're about to see an even stranger entrance.  Here's
    their music - Also Sprach Zarathrustra, and now..."

Dink: "From the United Federation of Planets, at a total combined weight of 523
    pounds... Here are the NEXT WeWF World tag-team champions, The Battle
    Cruisers!"

Wince: "The BattleCruisers and Admiral Chekov just beamed down.  What a way
    to enter the ring!  The Tholian Black Widow, The Romulan Mauler, and a
    starfleet security force have beamed down to block the aisle."

Vague: "Oroboros attack as soon as their opponents appear!  Admiral Chekov is
    thrown out of the ring by Gorgon, and Klingon Disrupter is clotheslined
    out by Wyrm!  Photon Torpedo rolls out of the ring, and The BattleCruisers
    regroup on the outside of the ring!"

Wince: "Oroboros controlling the match early!  Who would have expected that?"

Vague: "Wyrm and Gorgon are pressing their advantage, following their opponents
    outside of the ring, but The Gobbledy-Gooker rubs his feathers in Gorgon's
    eyes!"

Wince: "That will slow anyone down.  Photon Torpedo hits Wyrm with a sharp
    standing dropkick, and Klingon Disrupter rolls Wyrm back into the ring."

Vague: "While the Gobbledy-Gooker jumps on Wyrm, The BattleCruisers climb
    back into the ring.  They double clothesline Gorgon!"

Wince: "Wyrm climbs up on the apron and Klingon Disrupter gives him a headbutt!"

Vague: "Slingshot suplex by Photon Torpedo!  Klingon Disrupter bounces off the
    ropes and delivers a falling headbutt on Gorgon!  He covers... one, two,
    three!"

Wince: "And The BattleCruisers win the first fall.  Photon Torpedo and Wyrm
    must return to their corners for the start of the second fall."

Vague: "Gorgon crawls over and tags in Wyrm, and Klingon Disrupter doesn't seem
    to mind, he clotheslines Wyrm and drops a knee on him.  Silvah Hypocrisy
    reaches in and sticks a finger in the klingon's eye!"

Wince: "That got the Gobbledy-Gooker upset!  He tries to chase Silvah, but
    Gorgon blocks him off."

Vague: "Wyrm bounces off the ropes and cross-body blocks The Klingon
    Disrupter... one, kickout."

Wince: "The Disrupter tags in Photon Torpedo, who ducks under a clothesline,
    bounces off the ropes and gives Wyrm a flying clothesline.  He covers...
    no, only a one count.  Photon snapmares Wyrm back to the ground and clamps
    on a reverse chinlock.  Wyrm grabs him by the hair, then grabs the ropes,
    and Photon releases the hold."

Vague: "Wyrm wants to tag out, but Photon Torpedo won't let him!  Irish whip
    off the ropes... hip toss by Photon Torpedo!  Wyrm tries to get up and
    Photon Torpedo gives him a piledriver!"

Wince: "That's the second fall right there... no, Photon Torpedo wants to end
    the match with style, he's going to the top rope.  He jumps off and does
    a 270 back flip, landing stomach first on the mat!  Wyrm rolls away!"

Vague: "A reverse Salto jump, I believe."

Wince: "Wyrm rolls back and covers the stunned Photon Torpedo, while Gorgon
    attacks Klingon Disrupter!  One, two, three!"

Vague: "I believe that may be the first pinfall Oroboros have ever scored!"

Wince: "That evens the match at one fall apiece, but it isn't over yet."

Vague: "Indeed it isn't.  Photon Torpedo and Wyrm are both recovering in the
    ring, and they tag out to start the third and deciding fall."

Wince: "The Klingon Disrupter charges in and gives Gorgon a running headbutt!"

Vague: "That staggers Gorgon!  Klingon Disrupter whips him off the ropes and
    kicks him in the face!  Gorgon goes down!  The Klingon Disrupter bounces
    off the ropes, but he's tripped by Silvah Hypocrisy!"

Wince: "That raised the ire of the Gobbledy-Gooker, who has been handing out
    Spew Dolls at ringside.  He's chasing Silvah around the ring, nipping at
    her tail... literally!"

Vague: "Club Anarchy are running to the ring, but the security force and the
    UFWS Tag Team Champions The Ultimate Trekkies are holding them off."

Wince: "Gorgon tags Wyrm, and they double choke The Klingon Disrupter on the
    top rope.  Wyrm kicks Disrupter in the ribs and chokes him some more."

Vague: "Wyrm tags Gorgon back in.  They are really doing a good job of cutting
    the ring off!  Double irish whip, and a double shoulderblock!  Klingon
    Disrupter goes down, but he gets right back up, lunges, and tags in
    Photon Torpedo!"

Wince: "Photon Torpedo is using his speed advantage... dropkick!  But Gorgon
    stays on his feet!  And Photon Torpedo sweeps Gorgon's legs out from
    under him!  Photon Torpedo slaps on a figure four!"

Vague: "Meanwhile Silvah Hypocrisy rolls into the ring, trying to escape the
    Gobbledy-Gooker!  They are in the way of the referee, and Wyrm stomps on
    Photon Torpedo, causing him to release the figure four!"

Wince: "Klingon Disrupter tries to help his partner but the referee is holding
    him back!  He doesn't see Wyrm climbing to the top rope while Gorgon sets
    him up for a piledriver..."

Vague: "Spike piledriver by the Oroboros!  Gorgon covers Photon Torpedo!
    One, two, three!"

Wince: "The Oroboros win a match!  Oroboros wins a match!"

Vague: "The Gobbledy-Gooker is spanking Silvah, and all of the Trekkies are
    being beamed up!  Gorgon douses Klingon Disrupter with tar, and Wyrm
    throws feathers on him!"

Wince: "Ha ha ha!  But the BattleCruisers escape further humiliation by beaming
    up... but they left the Gobbledy-Gooker behind!"

Vague: "Oroboros are pounding on the poor bird!  Gorgon press slams him!
    Wyrm powerslams him!  Silvah chokes him!"

Wince: "A triple victory for Oroboros!  The Klingon Disrupter was tarred and
    feathered, the Gobbledy-Gooker was beaten to a pulp, and they won the
    match!"

Mr. B vs. Tom "The Animal" Brown
         in an Internal Break Match

Wince: "Dr. Down-Under has arranged all sorts of special matches, a Summer
    Vacation Match, a Slave Match, a Pit of Redemption Match, and now an
    Internal Break Match."

Vague: "The rules for this match are similar to the rules for our previous
    match, except pins, disqualifications, and countouts don't matter.  The
    match will be inside a steel cage, and all the referee is allowed to do
    is ask the wrestlers if they submit.  Whichever wrestler gets two
    submissions first will win the match."

Wince: "We have pre-recorded comments from Mr. B, so let's go to him."

Mr B: "Well here we are at the Supercard, and it's judgement day for The Animal
    and the B!!  Things haven't gone too well for me lately against Brown but
    there's no way he's gonna humiliate me again in front of the E-Wrestling
    world!!  Brown!!  I will make you suffer the Internal Break!!  I WILL make
    you plead for mercy in front of your Animal Liberation Front sycophants!!  I
    WILL MAKE YOU SUBMIT TWICE and after tonight you will wish you had never
    heard of Mr B!!!  Tom "The Enema" Brown!! Let's hit the ring so you can FEEL
    the Sting!!  What will B will most definitely and indisputably B!!!"

Wince: "How about that!"

Vague: "I don't know if he will be able to do it Wince.  Look at Tom Brown,
    he's frothing at the mouth as he is lead to the ring."

Wince: "He's on a silver chain, and he's being dragged to the ring by a squad
    of wrestlers!  They're having a hard time controlling him, Lord Winfred."

Vague: "I had no idea this was going to happen!  Has The Animal flipped out?"

Wince: "He's anxious to get at Mr. B, that's for sure.  Dr. Down-Under is
    bringing that TASER with him to the ring again."

Vague: "That's right, and here comes the man he wants to use it on, Mr. B!"

Wince: "Listen to the music, that's Brothers Gonna Work it Out by Public
    Enemy.  And look at what's he's carrying."

Vague: "It looks like a bucket of water, Wincent.  And Mr. B is taking it into
    the cage with him.  Listen to the ovation he is receiving from the crowd!"

Wince: "But as soon as Mr. B steps into the cage, The Animal goes berserk and
    almost runs him over!  His keepers barely had time to get that chain off
    of The Animal!"

Vague: "The Animal unleashes a series of headbutts into Mr. B!  Tom Brown has
    the early advantage here, and he is trying to soften up Mr. B's head."

Wince: "Brown grabs Mr. B by the hair (but that's legal in this match) and rams
    him face first into the cage!  And he does it again!"

Vague: "And the fans are counting along..."

Wince: "The only person I hear counting along is Dr. Down-Under, everyone else
    is cheering for Mr. B!"

Vague: "Brown gets tired of that tactic and body slams Mr. B.  Now he's kicking
    him in the head, and he has opened up a large cut in Mr. B's forehead!"

Wince: "So far the match has been all Tom Brown!  Wait... Mr. B rolls away
    and he's trying to get a breather, but The Animal won't let up.  He's
    choking Mr. B on the bottom rope!"

Vague: "But that's totally legal in this match, McLady!"

Wince: "The Animal pulls Mr. B up by the hair to ram him into the cage some
    more, but Mr. B counters with a punch to the midsection!  And he rams
    The Animal into the cage instead!"

Vague: "The Swarm have come alive, and they are leading the cheers for Mr. B,
    who appears to have gotten his second wind."

Wince: "Mr. B slaps on a hammerlock, and pushes Brown backwards into the cage,
    squashing Brown's arm between his back and the cage!"

Vague: "Tom Brown staggers away from the wall, and Mr. B small packages him."

Wince: "He was acting on instinct there, pins won't help in this kind of match."

Vague: "Brown punches Mr. B!  Irish whip by Brown, reversed by Mr. B!  Leg trip
    takedown by Mr. B, and The Animal hits the mat hard!"

Wince: "Mr. B quickly goes to work on Brown's legs with a series of holds.
    Brown rolls over onto his back and swings wildly at Mr. B, but Mr. B is
    out of his reach, and Mr. B applies the Indian Death Lock!"

Vague: "That's a very painful hold, and I doubt The Animal can get out of it."

Wince: "Brown inching his way back, and he grabs the ropes.  I guess Mr. B has
    to release the hold."

Vague: "What's the referee going to do about it?  He can't disqualify him.
    Mr. B is trying to keep that leglock applied for as long as possible...
    but the referee finally gets them untangled."

Wince: "Tom The Animal back to his feet, but Mr. B sweeps his leg!  Mr. B drops
    a knee on The Animal's bad leg, and then tries to re-apply the Indian
    Death Lock, but The Animal reaches up and punches him."

Vague: "That will get you out of almost any hold.  Both wrestlers are on their
    feet now.  The Animal whips Mr. B into the cage wall, and rams a knee into
    his midsection."

Wince: "Mr. B goes down and now it's The Animal's turn to try some submission
    moves."

Vague: "Tom Brown applies a Boston crab!  That may be it for Mr. B!"

Wince: "Mr. B is trying to power his way out of this move, but I don't think
    it's going to work.  He switches tactics and crawls out from under Brown!
    He had to do all that wriggling to loosen The Animal's grip, and he
    succeeded."

Vague: "Mr. B back on his feet, and The Animal tries to apply a bear hug, but
    Mr. B elbows him in the head, breaking the hold.  Mr. B whips The Animal
    into the cage!"

Wince: "The Animal is dazed...  He's trying to climb the cage!"

Vague: "That won't do him any good in this match, Wince."

Wince: "Mr. B pulls him off of the cage and picks him up for a body slam... no,
    a shoulderbreaker!"

Vague: "And Mr. B applies a figure four leglock!  Tom Brown submits!"

Wince: "Score one for Mr. B, but he isn't much better off than The Animal!"

Vague: "Mr. B attacks immediately, applying an armbar and forcing Tom Brown to
    his knees, but The Animal does a fireman's carry slam to get Mr. B off of
    him."

Wince: "Now The Animal is choking Mr. B!  Come on ref, get in there!"

Vague: "The referee is powerless in this match, Wince.  The Animal picks Mr.
    B up and piledrives him!"

Wince: "Mr. B appears to be unconscious!  The Animal drags him over to the
    cage wall and rams him into the cage!  Mr. B is now bleeding profusely!"

Vague: "I believe he may have a concussion, Wince.  The Animal climbs up to
    the top rope and drops a knee on the prone B's forehead!  That could cause
    serious brain damage!"

Wince: "Now The Animal is applying another choke hold, and Mr. B submits!"

Vague: "It's one submission apiece, and I believe The Animal has the upper
    hand going into the final phase."

Wince: "Mr. B isn't moving, Lord Winfred.  The Animal climbs to the top rope...
    if he hits with another knee drop, the match is over.   He leaps, but Mr. B
    rolls away!"

Vague: "The Animal hurt his knee landing on the mat, and that knee was already
    hurt from the damage Mr. B did to it!  The Animal is writhing in agony!"

Wince: "But Mr. B hasn't been able to capitalize, Lord Winfred!  He's still
    very badly hurt."

Vague: "Dr. Down-Under is putting on some sort of an outfit... it looks like
    a bee keeper's outfit!"

Wince: "He's using the smoker to obscure the ring, and he just threw The
    Animal's chain into the ring, and The Animal is chaining Mr. B to the cage."

Vague: "All that smoke is getting in the way, Wincent.  I can't see what's
    going on in there, but Dr. Down-Under grabs his TASER and zaps the other
    end of chain!"

Wince: "I can't see in the cage, but Mr. B must be getting electrocuted!"

Vague: "The smoke is starting to clear... that's Tom Brown chained to the
    cage!  Mr. B grabs the bucket of water and dumps it on Dr. Down-Under,
    short circuting his TASER!"

Wince: "That gave Dr. Down-Under quite a shock, Lord Winfred.  And Tom Brown
    got quite a shock too!  The Swarm are going wild!  Mr. B flails away at the
    helpless and stunned Animal!"

Vague: "Tom Brown submits!  His hair is standing up from the shocks he received.
     Mr. B isn't much better off, and he slumps down by the cage door."

Wince: "They'll both be stretchered off, and I bet Dr. Down-Under will be too!"

Vague: "Your winner, Mr. B!"

The General and Baboon Tempest vs. Darkseid the Destroyer and Robby the Lame
         in a Submission Lumberjack Match with No DQ

Wince: "Yet another grudge match with special stipulations!  What are the
    rules for this one, your Lordship?"

Vague: "In this match the ring will be surrounded by "lumberjacks" who are
    there to throw wrestlers back into the ring if they are thrown out.  This
    match will only end when one of the four wrestlers submits."

Wince: "If anybody submits it's going to be Robby!  Let's go to The General
    and Baboon."

General: "Robby the Lame, we finally got you!  You think that actually did
    anything with that spoo job?  You just got me mad, you little pansy, and now
    I'm gonna break your neck!  You're hiding behind that wuss Darkseid!  Well,
    I whooped his tail before, and I'll whoop it again, if I need to!  I got me
    a monster to help, and I can't wait to see what his 420 pound frame does
    when he puts his hand on you!  Tell him, Baboon!"

Baboon: "Well General, it's been a long time since I've wrestled, and I've been
    looking for an excuse to get back into the ring.  I was overjoyed when you
    offered me this oportunity.  I finally get the opportunity to smack Robby
    the Lame without any worry of getting fired.  Robby, I'm gonna ram your head
    into the turnbuckle once for every stupid comment I've ever heard you say.
    I'm gonna splash you so hard that you'll be knocked into oblivion!  You're
    pancake Lame, pancake!"

Wince: "I want to see Baboon get in there and wrestle!  He's probably a good
    wrestler still, but what about Robby?"

Vague: "He told me that he has been training for this match."

Wince: "Has he been doing any special exercises?"

Vague: "Yes, I've seen him practicing wind sprints."

Wince: "Ha ha ha!  Let's go to the Dink."

Dink: "Coming to ringside, first, from Bloomington, Indiana, weighing in at
    240 lbs, the 3 time WeWF Heavyweight champion of the world, seconded
    and thirded by the Hoosiers, here is the General!
    And his partner, hailing from arxt@midway.uchicago.edu, breaking a
    LONG LONG retirement, weighing in at 420 lbs, here is Baboon Tempest!!!"

Wince: "A lot of cheers for this time, unlike for the team already in the
    ring!"

Vague: "There were also cheers for some of the lumberjacks.  I see The Hoosiers,
    Khan Noonian Singh, Thanos, The Maniacs, The Masked Terror, The AC/DC Dudes,
    The Dynamic Machine, and The Secret Agent Man at ringside."

Wince: "Let's hope they don't get involved in the match.  Darkseid and The
    General will start things off.  Darkseid locks up with The General and
    pushes him back to the ropes.  The referee calls for a clean break, but
    he doesn't get one, Darkseid punches The General."

Vague: "The General wrings Darkseid's right arm, and tags out to Baboon!"

Wince: "Baboon is in the match early, what a surprise!  And he hammers on
    Darkseid's vulnerable arm!"

Vague: "Darkseid grabs Baboon by the hair, and when that doesn't work he grabs
    him by the ears!"

Wince: "Irish whip by Darkseid... and he clotheslines Baboon down hard."

Vague: "Baboon isn't in his prime, so that could be a pin right there!"

Wince: "No, Baboon kicks out.  Darkseid rakes Baboon's eyes, but that just
    gets him mad!  Tempest Tantrum!  Baboon punches Darkseid!  He runs over
    and punches Robby!  He punches Darkseid again and picks him up in an
    airplane spin!  Baboon is cleaning house!"

Vague: "Baboon sets the dizzy Darkseid back down and throws him out of the ring!
    The General tags in for his team, and he pulls Darkseid back into the
    ring.  The General hits Darkseid with a chicken wing, and he goes back to
    work on Darkseid's big arms."

Wince: "The General bounces off the ropes, but he's tripped by The Masked
    Terror!"

Vague: "The General stops the match to berate The Masked Terror, but Darkseid
    dumps him out of the ring!"

Wince: "Oh no!  The Masked Terror and The Dynamic Machine are stomping on The
    General!"

Vague: "The Hoosiers run over and make the save!  The General climbs back into
    the ring, and shoulders Darkseid in the midsection.  Now The General is
    going for a DDT... there it is!"

Wince: "The General covers, but there are no pins in this match.  Darkseid
    rolls over to his corner to tag out, but Robby shrinks away!"

Vague: "He isn't going to endanger himself, so that leaves Darkseid in a
    precarious position.  Irish whip to the buckles by The General!  He puts
    a top wristlock on Darkseid and Baboon comes into the ring."

Wince: "I didn't see a tag!  I guess since there's no disqualification they
    can do what they want!"

Vague: "The General pulls a fork out of his sock and goes to work on Darkseid's
    shoulder and upper arm!  He gives Baboon a pencil stub, and Darkseid is
    bleeding from this attack!"

Wince: "Darkseid rolls out of the ring, but the AC/DC Dudes are there!  They
    roll him right back in, and the brutality continues!  A bleeding Darkseid
    crawls over and tags Robby in!"

Vague: "Robby was shouting at the crowd, he didn't even know he was tagged in!"

Wince: "The referee has cleared Baboon out of the ring, meanwhile The General
    pulls a bag of salt out of his trunks and throws it in Robby's face,
    blinding him!"

Vague: "How many international objects did this guy bring?"

Wince: "Robby dances around the ring blindly, and The General takes advantage
    of the situation, slapping him and calling him names!  The General tags
    Baboon in, and Baboon clotheslines Robby!"

Vague: "I'll bet he has been waiting a long time to do that!  I know I have!"

Wince: "Robby tags Darkseid back in, and while Robby has Baboon distracted,
    Darkseid grabs Baboon from behind and holds him!  Now Robby's taking
    cheapshots at him!"

Vague: "The General comes in with a roll of dimes and hits Darkseid, knocking
    him out of the ring!  The Maniacs grab Baboon and pull him out of the ring!
    Now it's just The General and Robby!"

Wince: "Robby spews The General!  Khan hands Robby a chair, and Robby hits
    The General with it!  Robby throws the chair out of the ring, and Khan
    hands him another one, and Robby hits The General again!"

Vague: "There's all out mayhem outside the ring!  Daemon grabs the ring bell
    and hit's Khan with it!  Robby reaches for another chair, but there's no
    one there!  Now Robby is weaponless and facing an irate General!"

Wince: "The General grabs Robby and smashes him into the top turnbuckle!  The
    General grabs Robby by the hair, mounts the ropes and jumps off, using
    Robby's face to break the fall!  A slam dunk!"

Vague: "The General shouts that it's time for a figure four, and he sets up
    to put it on Robby, and The Lame submits before the move is even applied!"

Wince: "Outside the ring it's still chaos, and The General rolls out to help
    his friends!  Robby and his lumberjacks run for cover!"

Vague: "What a coward Robby is!  He submitted to the threat of a figure four."

Wince: "But he did get some good blows in on The General with those chairs,
    and he did hit Baboon a couple of times.  Darkseid leaves in the worst
    shape, having been hit with just about every international object around,
    courtesy of The General!"

Vague: "And now it's time for the main event!"

The Big Kahuna vs. "Irish" Mike Flint for the WeWF World Title
         in a No Time Limit, No DQ, No Countout, No Rematch Match

Wince: "They've faced off three times already, now it's time for their fourth
    and final match!"

Vague: "There's a similar situation in the UFWS between the Aztec Mummy and
    Bobby "Cavalier" Windsor, who will face off for the All-Jobber Belt yet
    again this Monday."

Wince: "Something has to be done about the ranking systems.  I understand
    WeWF President Jack Tummy will have an announcement after the match about
    who the challengers will be for Sunday's card."

Vague: "Let's hear comments from the Champion."

The WeWF World Champion runs in from the surf and takes a towel from Val Lee.

T.B. "Whoa mondo rippin' surf out there Dudes!  And there's gonna be some
    equally fantabuloss action at the next Supercard.  Mickey Flint, I
    never would've expected a most excellent competitor like yoy to
    stoop to the level of those most uncool Nasty Boys and Surf Nazis, I
    have to chase off the beach everyday.  Uncool Dude."

Val "Like and Molly what is like the matter with you?  Like I mean are you
    turning Flint and Steel into the Intoxicators?  Gag me with a spoon. ok?"

T.B. "Well one thing's for certain, it's all gonna be settled once and for all
    at the Supercard dude.  And I want all those little dudes and dudettes
    out there to live by the Big Kahuna's 11th commandment.  'Thou shalt not
    quit'"

Val "Surf's up T.B.!"

T.B. "Kowabunga Dudes!"

T.B. and Val run back into the surf..

Wince: "The Big Kahuna sure likes to have fun, and you can bet he'll be out
    surfing again if he wins this one."

Vague: "But first he'll have to get past this man, "Irish" Mike Flint."

Dink: "First the challenger.  Accompanied to the ring by Molly Maguire, from
    Lexington, Kentucky and weighing 245 pounds, here is "Irish" Mike Flint!"

Wince: "That look on Flint's face shows that he means business.  This is his
    last chance to win the world title for quite some time, and he is determined
    to do it."

Vague: "But determination alone may not be enough.  The Big Kahuna is also
    very determined, even though he doesn't show it.  It's going to come down
    to a lot of factors, and I have to give Flint the edge because he is
    more experienced."

Wince: "I have to disagree with you, Lord Winfred.  The Big Kahuna has had
    plenty of opportunities to study Flint, and he will be ready for anything
    Mike Flint tries."

Dink: "And his opponent, the reigning WeWF World Heavyweight Champion!  Weighing
    280 pounds and hailing from Venice Beach, California, being led to the
    ring by Val Lee, here is The Big Kahuna!"

Wince: "The Big Kahuna climbs into the ring, and he and Flint are staring at
    each other, trying to find some sign of weakness."

Vague: "Val Lee and Molly Maguire are stepping between them to prevent them
    from going at it right now.  The Big Kahuna removes the WeWF Championship
    Belt and holds it up for all the fans to see!"

Wince: "Flint quitely takes off his union jacket and his union helmet, and
    hands them to Molly Maguire, who carries them out of the ring."

Vague: "And Val Lee leaves the ring as well.  The bell rings, and Flint and The
    Kahuna circle each other."

Wince: "The Big Kahuna asks for a test of strength.  That's probably a good
    idea, since he outweighs Flint considerably."

Vague: "Flint doesn't accept the test of strength?  What's going on?"

Wince: "The Big Kahuna turns around to ask the fans what they think and Flint
    rolls him up from behind!"

Vague: "One, two, kickout!  That would have been the shortest title match in
    WeWF history!"

Wince: "Flint just wants a wrestling match, not any test of strength.  He's
    pounding on The Big Kahuna!  Irish whip into the corner by Flint!  The Big
    Kahuna bounces out of the corner and Flint back body drops him!"

Vague: "Mike Flint with an elbow drop, but T. B. rolled away before it
    connected."

Wince: "The Big Kahuna lifts Flint up and gives him a side suplex!  One, two,
    kickout!  Both wrestlers are trying to end the match quickly, your
    Lordship."

Vague: "Both wrestlers get back to their feet...  The Big Kahuna whips Flint off
    the ropes and clotheslines him.  Kahuna climbs to the first turnbuckle,
    and drops a fist on Flint."

Wince: "T. B. covers, but Flint kicks out at one."

Vague: "The Kahuna atomic drops Flint, but he doesn't let go!  Another atomic
    drop!  Flint's back must really be hurting!"

Wince: "The Big Kahuna bounces off the ropes for a shoulderblock, but Flint
    drops down.  The Big Kahuna bounces off the other ropes and tries an elbow
    drop, but Flint rolls away!"

Vague: "Flint drops an elbow on The Big Kahuna!  The Big Kahuna gets back up,
    and Flint knocks him back down with a short clothesline!"

Wince: "Look at this!  Mike Flint is climbing to the top rope!"

Vague: "He jumps off and lands an elbow on The Big Kahuna!"

Wince: "Flint goes for the cover!  One, two, T. B. puts his foot on the ropes!"

Vague: "The Kahuna rolls out of the ring, and Flint follows him!  Flint rams
    The Kahuna into the ring barricade!  He winds up for a big haymaker,
    but Val Lee grabs him by the arm!"

Wince: "That buys The Big Kahuna enough time to roll back into the ring.  Flint
    glares at Val Lee, and rolls back in too."

Vague: "The Big Kahuna grabs Flint and gives him a high vertical suplex!
    "Irish" Mike recovers quickly, and body slams T. B. Kahuna."

Wince: "Flint whips The Kahuna off the ropes... uh-oh, he put his head down, and
    The Kahuna kicks him in the face... no, Flint was waiting for him, and he
    catches the foot!"

Vague: "Mike Flint is a consumate veteran, he won't make mistakes often.  He
    spins The Kahuna around and gives him an atomic drop!  Kahuna grabs the
    ropes for support, and Flint clotheslines him from behind, sending Kahuna
    out over the top rope!"

Wince: "Molly Maguire kicks The Big Kahuna on the ringside floor!  What was that
    for?"

Vague: "I believe that was in retaliation for Val Lee's interference earlier.
    The Kahuna wouldn't hit a woman, so he rolls back into the ring to hit
    a man."

Wince: "But he ends up getting hit, Flint stomps on him immediately!  Mike
    Flint lifts him up and puts him in a front facelock!  That's the set-up for
    the DDT!"

Vague: "But The Big Kahuna slides out of it at the last second!  Flint can't
    the move, and he goes down too.  The Big Kahuna gets back to his feet
    quickly and whips Flint off the ropes power slam!"

Wince: "Wipeout!  That should put Flint away, one, two, kickout!"

Vague: "No one can believe it!  The Big Kahuna and "Irish" Mike Flint both get
    back to their feet, and The Kahuna tries for a punch but Flint blocks it!"

Wince: "Flint punches T. B. and then whips him into a neutral corner!  He
    follows him in and catches him with an elbow!  The Big Kahuna staggers
    out of the corner...  Flint body slams him!"

Vague: "Mike Flint climbs to the top rope and drops an elbow!  He covers, but
    The Big Kahuna kicks out."

Wince: "Irish whip by Irish Mike, The Big Kahuna bounces off the ropes, Flint
    drops down, but The Big Kahuna stops his momentum before jumping over Flint!
    Big splash!"

Vague: "That wasn't just a splash, that was a tidal wave!"

Wince: "The Big Kahuna covers!  One, two, three!"

Vague: "The Big Kahuna defends the WeWF World Title!"

Wince: "All the fans are going crazy here at The Trump Plaza!"

Vague: "A relatively clean match considering the stipulations!  Let's go to
    Green Jean Oktoberfest with President Tummy."

Green Jean: "Thank you Lord Winfred.  President Tummy, we just saw The Big
    Kahuna defend his title against Mike Flint, but this is the fourth time
    they've faced each other in our five world title matches!"

Tummy: "Yes, Miss Oktoberfest, that is a serious problem in the state of
    e-wrestling.  I notice that a similar problem is occuring in the UFWS,
    so myself and my officers have worked long and hard to determine a ruling
    which would allow for more diversity of challengers."

Green Jean: "And just what might that ruling be?"

Tummy: "At the present it reads as follows: 'No wrestler or tag team, regardless
    of ranking, shall receive a title match if they were defeated in a
    title challenge the previous week.  If such a wrestler or tag team
    would receive a title match, the title match is awarded to the next highest
    ranking wrestler or tag team.'"

Green Jean: "Uh-huh.  So who get the title shots on Sunday?"

Tummy: "After extensive review by this office, it has been decided that Bjorn
    "The Sweedish Pretzel" shall defend his US Title against #4 contender Mr. B,
    and World Champion The Big Kahuna shall defend his title against #3
    contender Mr. Roddy.  The World Tag Team Champions Flint and Steel shall
    defend their belts against #2 contenders The Law."

Green Jean: "Thank you, Mr. President.  Back to you, Lord Winfred."

Vague: "Thank you Green Jean.  The victory celebration for The Big Kahuna
    goes on, and we have received word that both Mr. B and Tom Brown have
    survived the Intenal Break Match relatively intact, and should be in
    shape to wrestle this weekend, although they may not be at their best.
    The Gobbledy-Gooker, on the other hand, has been sent to an early retirement
    by Oroboros."

Wince: "So long everyone, we'll see you Sunday!"