UEFL: Peripheral Division Newsletter Session B From: billoj@aix.rpi.edu (Jeremy Louis Billones) Date: Sun, 10 Nov 1991 06:48:52 +0000 Peripheral Division Newsletter Session B LP W L D GF/GA CP/TP Cash BOTH Beirut Blast 11 5 0 1 15 2 5 3 256 MVP Entropy Raiders 9 4 1 1 16 6 4 3 725 EB Uaxactun Tiburones 7 3 2 1 9 7 7 7 224 EB Valkeries 7 2 1 3 13 12 5 1 454 Min EB Hoary Marmots 6 3 3 0 24 13 5.5 4 379 EB Oxaxaca Tortugas 6 2 2 2 7 4 5 3 309 BOTH Ajax Amsterdam 5 2 3 1 15 12 5.5 3 549 EB Drunken Stupor 5 2 3 1 7 18 5 4 567 EB Gaucho Goalmongers 3 0 3 3 5 21 1.5 3 198 Avg EB Davis Red Hawks 1 0 5 1 1 17 3.5 7 326 Press: The Blast re-introduced "Blaster Burke" to the fans during the opening ceremonies of session B. Following the announcement, the news broke from the Satellite division that former Blast star midfielder Qaddafi received his first booking of the season at Inuvik. A group of fans broke out of the seething crowd in the stands with automatic weapons and promptly shot the new mascot 28 times out of respect for Qaddafi's first season DP total. The celebration which broke out in the stands caused a minor delay as the Blaster Burke armor plated costume was checked for damage. Manager Ingram reported no injuries to the mascots other than massive psychological trauma, an ailment the Beirut natives commonly suffer as a result of peace negotiations taking place in the region. Blaster Burke was expected to make a quick recovery and return for the next session, and there are rumors that Lloyd's of London is trying to renogotiate its contract with the Blast regarding mascot life insurance. On the field, the Blast were still euphoric following their stunning string of 3 victories in session A, a surprise to many fans after the pre- season chaos and trading. After last year's team fell short by one goal of advancing to the Relegation tournament and possibly the Central division, Ingram has felt increasing pressure from the fans to win Peripheral this year. "I usually feel the pressure in the form of duct tape on the mouth and a knife at my throat the night before the match," Ingram said. Most fans had mixed emotions last session when two red cards were issued to the team, affecting MF Chang and DF Nuisance, both of whom were acquired in trades last year. Many fans saw it as a necessary part of breaking them in, and team members expressed satisfaction and a new sense of pride at the bravery, also giving honorable mention to recent acquisition Dino Santarelli, who got two bookings without even playing hard. Some fans, however, blamed this on harsh referees, who have promised to crack down on the Blast this season. Both RC's last session were issued by referee Rand N. Generator, who has not been seen for the past three days. Fans were generally pleased with the appearance of rookie goalie Ostrovsky, who wasn't tested with any shots in session A. Rumors continued to circulate about possible "personality training" of Ostrovsky as Fred the Mage was sighted in Beirut over the weekend. Ingram had no comment on the matter, but rookie DF Quayle made himself available to the press, saying "If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure." ----------------------------------------------------------------- The Hoary Marmot Fan Club News Volume 1 Number 1 ----------------------------------------------------------------- Teen heartthrob Magilla Gorilla pounded in a record 5 goals in the match against the Goalmongers, leading the Marmots to an 8-4 victory. Performances from the rest of the team were less than stellar as the Marmots ended up 1-2-0 in the standings. The home opener against the Blast was much of a fizzle as the Marmots were blanked. Perhaps the tactics were lacking, but coach Leghorn stated that he felt that the Blast would be distracted with all of the action going on in Madrid. This was not true and the fans were not happy. This months "Marry a Marmot" drawing was won by hoary fan A. Smith. She wins a date with the Marmot of her choice and a spin of the great hoary wheel for valuable prizes. --------- The Tortugas were concerned last session that the injury sustained by veteran midfielder and Captain Guierrmo Effe would end his season (and career) prematurely. Further examination after the ankle's swelling subsided indicated only a sprain however, and Effe was ready for this session's final match versus the Red Hawks. Effe, who has announced his retirement at the end of the season, has nominated Pedro Aiy to take over the captaincy. Aiy served in this function for the Raiders and Valkeries matches, but it remains to be seen if he'll have the support to keep the position next season. It seems many on the team would like to have as Captain someone who can "block the plate better". [Tom T. Nose, Bud Bowl, Milwaukee] Getting in to see Coach Eacker was quite a chore this session. He had been looking forwardd to possibly getting a good start on the season. Though the late results after the delays with the UT's did not help his demeanor. He was a little concerned that the delayed starting of the match with the UT's was never explained. After getting him to calm down, he went on to say that he was a little concerned over the upcoming match with the Beirut Blasts. Mentioning that these people have a nasty habit of mining the field and only telling their own players where the things are. Though he did go on to say that sometimes the BB's forget and they end up stepping on their own mines. More of a hassle than anything else. Press: A tearful Brick Walls (GK) said goodbye to the team he had been a part of since its inception at a press conference yesterday after he had learned that he had been cut by the 'Mongers. A team spokesman denied that his very poor performance in his first start had anything to do with it. In an attempt to strengthen their goal defense, the 'Mongers signed minor league star Billy Barty who instantly gained the distinction of being the shortest player in the UEFL. Trades: SFWA pays NC $10K for scouting information. The Gaucho Goalmongers cut Brick Walls (GK), and sign Thomas Hill (MF) from the minor leagues. The Uaxactun Tiburones sign Dave Dohm (FW) from the minor leagues. The Oxaxaca Tortugas sell Xavier Day (FW) to the non-league. The Entropy Raiders cut Harrison Ford. The deadline for session C will be Tuesday, November 19th, at 2PM. All lineups received before 1 PM Sunday 17th will receive a 0.5 CP Early Bird Bonus. Schedule: 7 HM @ AA BB @ OT ER @ GG DS @ V UT @ DRH C 8 HM @ ER AA @ UT BB @ DRH OT @ DS V @ GG 9 OT @ HM AA @ DS ER @ BB GG @ UT DRH @ V ******************************************************************************** Match 1 ******************************************************************************** Ajax Amsterdam vs Beirut Blast 0 - 0 0 - 1 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oxaxaca Tortugas vs Entropy Raiders 0 - 2 0 - 2 Ray (1) Wat (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Valkeries vs Uaxactun Tiburones 3 - 3 4 -10 Epiktet (1) Dieztche (2;bk) Kant (1) Waite (1) Leibniz (1) Wilkins (bk) Feris (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gaucho Goalmongers vs Drunken Stupor 0 - 0 0 - 0 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hoary Marmots vs Davis Red Hawks 5 - 0 6 - 0 Frog (2) Coyote (1) Fudd (1) Tuxedo (1) Runner (bk) ******************************************************************************** Match 2 ******************************************************************************** Beirut Blast vs Gaucho Goalmongers 3 - 0 9 - 1 Peres (3;bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Uaxactun Tiburones vs Entropy Raiders 0 - 2 0 -13 Waite (bk) Harvey (1) Spike (1;bk) Malach [inj;lig] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Davis Red Hawks vs Ajax Amsterdam 0 - 4 0 - 7 Giodani (bk) Blind (1) Glogoff (bk) Bosman (1) Peters (bk) Lerby (1) Michels (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Valkeries vs Oxaxaca Tortugas 0 - 0 1 - 4 Sokrates (bk) Dobbs (bk) Ele (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Drunken Stupor vs Hoary Marmots 1 - 9 2 -13 Landia [inj;conc] Gorilla (6) Runner (2) Doggie (1) Pig (bk) ******************************************************************************** Match 3 ******************************************************************************** Drunken Stupor vs Beirut Blast 0 - 3 1 - 7 Chang (2) Begin (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Entropy Raiders vs Valkeries 1 - 1 2 - 2 Cont (1) Empedekles (1) Intosh (bk) Canaeda (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gaucho Goalmongers vs Ajax Amsterdam 0 - 9 1 -10 Wilkes (4) Neeskens (2) Van Basten (1) Van Hanegem (1) Wouters (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Uaxactun Tiburones vs Hoary Marmots 1 - 0 4 - 8 Dieztche (1;bk) Pasley (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Davis Red Hawks vs Oxaxaca Tortugas 0 - 1 0 -10 Effe (1) S (bk) Thacker (bk) ******************************************************************************** (bk) indicates booked (4 DP) (RC) indicates sent off (10DP) [Inj;???] indicates injury by type (#) indicates # of goals scored Up