UEFL: Central Division Newsletter - Session C From: billoj@aix.rpi.edu (Jeremy Louis Billones) Date: Tue, 19 Nov 1991 13:53:43 +0000 LP W L D GF/GA CP/TP Cash EB Moonshine by Urn 12 6 3 0 26 22 4 4 340 Blown BOTH Wainscotting 12 5 2 2 26 14 5.5 5 293 Sordid Sages 11 5 3 1 26 10 1.5 3 451 BOTH Safety in Numbers 11 4 2 3 29 36 5.5 4 411 EB The New Lions 8 4 5 0 14 17 3.5 3 543 EB Cylinder Heads 7 3 5 1 20 24 2.5 3 725 EB Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks 6 2 5 2 14 19 3.5 3 327 EB Amdahl United 5 2 6 1 19 31 8.5 7 495 (even though W blew out MbU, MbU has more wins, which is the 1st tie-breaker) Trades and Roster Moves: ANY TRADE NOT LISTED IS UNCONFIRMED!!! Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks trade 1 TP to the Valkeries for 1 CP. Wainscotting signs Teddy the Wonder Lizard (MF) from the minor leagues. Wainscotting trades Teddy the Wonder Lizard (MF) to the Davis Red Hawks for 3 TP. Amdahl United will be known by its alternate name Amdahl Unlimited. Technically, a name change should wait until the end of the season. But does anyone object? Fines and Adjustments: MbU attempted to play a suspended player in match 7. No fine (comments made by the commissioner before the deadline may have given a false impression), but the player was removed from the lineup. AU attempted to play an injured player in matches 7 and 9. Rookie taking over somebody else's roster, first offense, no fine, but the player was removed from the lineup for both matches. TPR tried to field 12 players in match 8. A player was removed in accordance with stated tactic and minimization of impact. $10K fine (hey Mike, you oughta know better! :-) The Deadline for Session D lineups is Tuesday, November 26th, at 2PM EST. All lineups received before 1 PM on Sunday, November 24th will receive an Early Bird Bonus of 0.5 CP Session D: match 10: AU @ SS TPR @ CH MbU @ NL W @ SiN match 11: SS @ CH NL @ AU W @ TPR SiN @ MbU match 12: NL @ SS CH @ W AU @ SiN TPR @ MbU Free Agents: Age 0 SL 6 FW Age 0 SL 3 MF Age 0 SL 4 SW Age I SL 6 FW Press: With a new manager and a slight name change, Ahmdal Unlimited (formerly Ahmdal United) is looking to increase it's standings and take the world by storm. But, with two away games against tough opponents, this first session will be a true test for the new manager. When asked about AU's chances, he replied "Ask me after we win". Well, we certainly will. MOONSHINE MADNESS: I have no idea why the boys were playing so dirty when they were winning by so much in session B. After all, every time they pull that, I make them wash out their mouths with grain alcohol. Center has really hurt the team, as he's suspended for the return match with the Sages. Wainscotting's fans prove their worth more and more each session, as the club continued its disturbing trend of playing much more inspired football at home than on the road. D.P. Gumby, Wainscotting's top GK, played especially well against the Ridgebacks in session B, but faltered against the Heads in a 3-1 loss on the road. His backup, Cassius Lionheart, teamed with sweeper A.N. Gumby to prevent the blowout against the mighty Sages, inspiring Manager Buffum to believe that .500 is an achievable goal in this first Central season for the Gumbies. Rumors that Lionheart has become so enthralled with the team spirit that he will change his name to L.H. Gumby are currently unfounded. Moonshine by Urn players were met with a rude shock in the opening match of session C when alcohol sales were banned at Wainscotting's home pitch. Quipped Manager Buffum, "We expect to score at least two hangover goals; after all, it is dreadfully difficult to head the ball properly when it (the head) is twice its normal size." However, Wainscotting players are still finding it dificult to really head the ball properly with the rash of mysterious head ailments sweeping through the team. Most affected was ven- erable S.W.B. Gumby, Peripheral's scoring leader last season, who has yet to score a goal. Quoth Gumby, "Burma!", apparently panicking under the pressure. Sage News ========= The Sages have yet another rough schedule this session. In fact this session is tougher than session A because not only do the Sages play MbU and the Ridgebacks this session, but they both opponents have light schedules and can concentrate on the Sages. Coach Fred however is very proud of the fact that no one has gotten a shot against the Sages at Stonehenge and has vowed to not lose a match there all season, and especially not to lose one there to "those guzzlers from the Punch Bowl, even if I have to tank the rest of the session to prevent it." Speaking of shots against the Sages, we here at "Sage News" would like to congratualte DF Kafka of the Lions for being the only person to get a shot off against the Sages since their first match loss to MbU. IN NEW PLAYER NEWS: Parachuting Paul Lemming has been improving nicely at FW since his acquisition from the Lemmings and is in fact being acclimated to MF as we speak. Paul got his first shot against the Cylinder Heads. It was blocked by impressive Heads goalie Jennings who blocked 14 of 16 shots. Coaches and trainers were still impressed by young Paul's effort and the fact that he got the shot off from a postition that was new to him (he was playing MF at the time.) Paul is getting plenty of playing time, coaches said, having played 4 of 6 matches so far. In fact, they said, the Sages only keep a minimal roster of 16 players, so all players play two matches a session with one player left on the bench as a player coach. (Beetle Bailey, the aging DF, is this seasons player coach.) When asked if this led to an increased worry about injuries, Fred explained that of course he was worried about injuries, but that was something you had to deal with when the time came and keeping extra SL's on the bench didn't help much. "We are constantly watching the minor leagues and have a list of young players we can call up if we run into trouble." ******************************************************************************** Match 1 ******************************************************************************** Moonshine by Urn vs Wainscotting 0 - 7 0 -11 Arc (1;bk) Baird (1) Battista (1) T.O. Gumby (1) X.T. Gumby (1) P. Peter L. (1) Reeds (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sordid Sages vs Safety in Numbers 0 - 1 1 - 2 Jackson (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks vs New Lions 1 - 2 3 - 2 Mingus (1) Kafka (1) Lite (bk) Nietzsche (1;bk) Oakley (bk) Shamir (bk) Taten (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Amdahl Unlimited vs Cylinder Heads 0 - 1 4 - 7 M. Luking (1;bk) S. Hammer (bk) ******************************************************************************** Match 2 ******************************************************************************** Moonshine by Urn vs Sordid Sages 4 - 2 14-23 Flatulence (2) Luke (1) Open (1) Mark (1) Vibbentrop (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wainscotting vs Amdahl Unlimited 3 - 0 7 - 0 Battista (2) Arc (1;bk) B.S. Gumby (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Safety in Numbers vs Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks 5 - 1 5 - 3 Bonar (3) Dohn (1) Cyphers (1) Liberty [inj;spr] Harrah (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cylinder Heads vs New Lions 0 - 1 0 - 3 M. Luking (RC) Nietzsche (1) Kepler (bk) Pauling (bk) ******************************************************************************** Match 3 ******************************************************************************** Sordid Sages vs Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks 1 - 1 4 - 4 Marley (1) Feynman (1;bk) [inj;spr] Mark (bk) Lyons (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Amdahl Unlimited vs Moonshine by Urn 2 - 3 4 -11 Bateman (1) Open (2) Grey (1) Seymour (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- New Lions vs Wainscotting 0 - 6 0 - 9 Zambrano (bk) X.T. Gumby (3) Reeds (2;bk) A.N. Gumby (1) S.D. Gumby (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cylinder Heads vs Safety in Numbers 2 - 4 4 - 5 Mama (1) Bonar (2) Weinberger (1) Pansy (1) Shomway (bk) Simon (1) Harrah (bk) Nyveen (bk) Westmoreland (bk) ******************************************************************************** (bk) indicates booked (4 DP) (RC) indicates sent off (10DP) [Inj;???] indicates injury by type (#) indicates # of goals scored Up