Summit of E-Wrestling Day 2

From: supermeo@cs.mcgill.ca (Francois LARAMEE)

Date: Sat, 28 Dec 1991 20:35:34 +0000

The Summit of E-Wrestling, Day 2
--- ------ -- ------------ --- -

Lord: "Hello again, everyone, this is Lord Winfred welcoming you to another
  great day of world-class e-wrestling! Later tonight, Baboon Tempest,
  Jimmy Vendetta and Simon Bolendorf will bring you live coverage of the
  second Royal Rumble, but first, some more UeWF Tournament action. Without
  further ado, here are Vince McMayonnaise and Mark DeMandable!"

*********************************************************************

Vince: 'Welcome back Ladies and Gentleman, and I suppose you too DeMandable,
	we're back for another BIG day of action here at the Summit of
	E-Wrestling.'

DeMandable: 'That's right, McMayonaisse, and tonight we get to crown our very
	first champion after the Ladies' Battle Royale!'

Vince: 'But first up tonight the first match of the Men's Championship
	Tournament semi-finals, which will also crown a champion.  Mr.B
	squares off against Admiral Ax.'

DeMandable: 'Mr.B couldn't win this match even if he was 100% and after last
	night's events, he doesn't stand a snowball's chance of getting passed
	the Admiral.'

Vince: 'Mr.B has been in some pretty tough spots in his career and I can
	guarantee you one thing DeMandable, he won't be giving up.  In fact I'd
	wager that he could STILL beat Admiral Ax, who should have been
	disqualified last night anyway.  Let's go to Coward with the
	introductions...'

Coward: 'Ladies and Gentleman, this fight is scheduled for one fall, the winner
	to move on to the finals of this tournament and the loser to be named
	the UEWF's first Atlantic Champion.  First entering the ring in the
	company of his compatriots Action Man and The ANZAC, Mr.....B!!!
	<The crowd erupts into a flurry of cheers as the trio makes their way
	to the ring...> And his opponent, in the company of HIS compatriots
	Corporal Crush and Sergeant Smash....Admiral....AX!!!!!
	<The crowds cheers turn into a furious round of boos and a familiar
	youngster in a wheelchair in the front row pelts Admiral Ax with a cup
	soda as he walks by.>'

Vince: 'Holy Cow! The action is under way already as the Armed Forces charge
	across the ring and attack Mr.B and company!  It's a pier six brawl!
	Come on ref get those guys out of there!'

DeMandable: 'Oh sure when Mr.B used the same tactics to get Mosh out of the way
	it was a good idea, but now it's uncalled for?'

Vince: 'Well THAT certainly was!  Corporal Crush just hit Mr.B in the back with
	some sort of International Object and the B is on the ground rolling in
	pain.'

DeMandable: 'And Crush continues to kick him while he's down, you gotta love
	this!'

Vince: 'Well the referees have finally gotten things back under control, but I
	don't know if Mr.B is going to be able to finish the match.'

DeMandable: 'Finish? He hasn't even started it yet! That's the beauty of it all,
	there was no bell so Admiral Ax can't be Disqualified!'

Vince: 'He ought to be suspended and I believe Sergeant Smash MAY be suspended
	anyway.  This can't help his case....'

DeMandable: 'Maybe not, but it certainly can't hurt Ax's chances at getting that
	World Championship.  Mr.B STILL hasn't gotten up, and there's the bell
	to start the match, finally.'

Vince: 'And Ax goes right back to work on the B's back.  Kicking away at his
	fallen opponent, I don't know how much more of this Mr.B can take.'

DeMandable: 'And would you listen to that crowd they're estatic that Mr.B is
	being pummeled!'

Vince: 'Maybe you ARE deaf as well as blind all I hear is boos for Admiral Ax.
	He's going for the pin, BUT THE B KICKS OUT! I don't believe it!  And
	now he's back on his feet and he's landing a series of punches, and a
	BIG clothesline! That one may have knocked Admiral Ax right out!'

DeMandable: 'You've been watching Chico Santana matches again haven't you?'

Vince: 'Mr.B going to the top rope, a very high risk move here.....and Ax gets
	his knees up in time and the B is down again.'

DeMandable: 'He oughta just stay down, the man is NOT Rocky Balboa here....'

Vince: 'Admiral Ax seems to be fishing in his tights for something...and Mr. B
	is back on his feet and staggering in his direction....and Ax nails him
	with a BIG right fist and the B drops to the mat like a sack of spuds!'

DeMandable: 'What a punch!  The man must be Mike Tyson in disguise!'

Vince: 'Hey wait a minute what's this?  And that!  And That! There are quarters
	all over the place. REF!!'

DeMandable: 'Oh great NOW you've done it!'

Coward: 'As a result of a Disqualification, the winner of this match to move on
	to the finals.....Mr.B!!!!!'

DeMandable: 'McMayonaisse if I were you I'd run for my life....Admiral Ax is NOT
	gonna be a happy camper when he gets his hands on you.'

Vince: 'Hmm, maybe you're right, I'll send Misty down....'

DeMandable: 'Oh please not that...'

DeMandable: 'Well now that the moron's gone we can get back to action..'

Misty: 'Hi Markie-poo, Vince said you needed some help out here?'

DeMandable: 'You're the one that's gonna need the help airhead, now just sit
	down and improve the ratings.  Like I was saying, next in line is the
	Ladies' Battle Royal to determine who will be the first UEWF Ladies
	Champion.'

Misty: 'Yeah and did you notice that Green Jeans isn't even a contestant.'

DeMandable: 'Yeah pity huh?  Let's get to Coward and see what's going on...'

Coward: 'Our next event is The Ladies Royal Rumble to determine who will wear
	the UeWF Ladies' Championship Belt.  The format of the event is as
	follows: Two ladies will begin the match in the ring, and the other six
	will enter the ring at one-minute intervals.  The order of entry is by
	random draw, with the 1st and 2nd ranked wrestlers having received first
	selection from numbers 5-8.  Elimination is by being thrown over the top
	rope only.  So without further adieu, the first two ladies in the ring
	are...... Morganna the Kissing Bandit and Sarah Jackson.'

Misty: 'So Mark how do you like my dress?'

DeMandable: 'Don't you have anything better to do?  Like shave your upper lip?'

Misty: 'Ooooo that's it, I'm outta here.'

Vince: 'Hey Misty you can....what's up with her?'

DeMandable: 'Who cares, we've got a mtach going on here, and I must say Sarah
	Jackson seems to be taking it to Morganna.'

Vince: 'Yeah but that could change quickly, depending on who the next person to
	enter the ring is... Ouch! Sarah whips Morganna into the turnbuckle and
	then monkey flips the bandit in the the center of the ring!'

DeMandable: 'There's the buzzer, I wonder who's next?'

Coward: 'Now entering the ring.....Blaze O'Glory.'

Vince: 'Blaze rushes into the ring and she goes right after Sarah, tackling her
	to the ground and giving Morgana a chance to recuperate.'

DeMandable: 'That sort of unfair, it's two on one in there! Atleast for the next
	30 seconds or so...'

Vince: 'They say all's fair in love and war, and Sarah Jackson is sure getting
	her fair share of punishment and then some out there in the ring as
	first Blaze and then Morganna take turns dropkicking her to the canvas.'

DeMandable: 'Hey look at that there's the buzzer! Who's next Coward?'

Vince: 'That wasn't the buzzer, that was someone with an air horn...DeMandable
	put that away!'

DeMandable: 'Just trying to help?'

Vince: 'Now THAT's the buzzer...'

Coward: 'Now entering the ring.....Lizzie "The Axe" Borden.'

Vince: 'Well that certainly doesn't sound to promising for Sarah, as she's up
	against three to one odds now, but NO! Lizzie just Pearl Harbored
	Morganna and now she's trying to push her over the top-rope.'

DeMandable: 'And Sarah rakes Blaze's face and then hurls her across the ring
	into Lizzie's back.  Morganna just lost her grip on the rope and she
	falls hard to the floor, bouncing off the ring apron. That's gotta
	hurt!'

Coward: 'Morganna the Kissing Bandit is eliminated.'

Vince: 'Well that's one down and six to go, and there's the buzzer again.'

Coward: 'Now entering the ring.....Binkie Horowitz.'

DeMandable: 'Binkie gets quite the rude welcome as Sarah Jackson gives her a
	boot to the face and then brings her in the hard way suplexing into
	the ring as Lizzie Borden whips Blaze off the ropes and flips her high
	into the air.'

Vince: 'And that had to hurt too!  Blaze O'Glory was way up there and she landed
	right on her tush.  Sure enough she's feeling a little sore from the
	looks.'

DeMandable: 'And now Lizzie and Sarah are double teaming Binkie Horowitz over
	the corner, boy this Rumble is sure turning out some strange
	combinations, that's for sure.'

Vince: 'You can say that again, and now it looks like Blaze is gonna make it a
	triple team, but she belly-to-back suplexed Lizzie Borden, now THAT took
	some serious effort!'

DeMandable: 'I don't know how much it did for Blaze but it gave Binkie the space
	she needed, and she braces herself in the corner and lands a kick to
	Sarah's midsection that sends the Blonde Bombshell sprawling on top of
	Lizzie Borden!'

Vince: 'Who puts her in a painful looking scissorhold! And Binkie just punched
	Blaze in the stomach! I guess there truly are no allies in a Royal
	Rumble!'

DeMandable: 'And the buzzer sounds..'

Coward: 'Now entering the ring.....The Angel of Death.'

Vince: 'Well there's are first top-two entrant and she's going in there looking
	to get the job done in a hurry, going right to work on Lizzie Borden.'

DeMandable: 'In the meantime, Sarah Jackson has decided to catch here breath
	over in the corner since no one's paying here any attention, and Binkie
	and Blaze are still battling it out over in the corner.'

Vince: 'The Angel of Death scoops up Lizzie Borden, but Binkie pushes Blaze back
	into here, and she drops Lizzie to the mat, unable to eliminate her.'

DeMandable: 'It looks like Sarah's rest break is over, she's trying to fight off
	both The Angel of Death and Binkie Horowitz, while Lizzie scoops up
	Blaze and slams her to the mat.'

Coward: 'Now entering the ring.....Brenda 'The Revolutionist'.

Vince: 'It's starting to get really crowded in there DeMandable.  But there goes
	Sarah Jackson...'

Coward: 'Sarah Jackson has been eliminated.'

DeMandable: 'And it looks like Brenda and Angel may have Lizzie Borden in
	trouble too!  Wow! Blaze just sent Binkie Horowitz sprawling with a
	dropkick that may have put Binkie lights out!'

Vince: 'She certainly isn't moving, but she's still in the ring, and that's all
	matters, I suppose.  And yes there goes Lizzie Borden over the top tope,
	but she's got Angel by the hair and she won't let go!'

DeMandable: 'Angel HAS to be in pain the only thing keeping Lizzie from being
	eliminated is her grip on Angel's hair and now Brenda is trying to flip
	Angel out of the ring too! There's the final buzer!'

Coward: 'Now entering the ring.....Laurie Liberty.'

Vince: 'Lizzie has managed to pull herself back up onto the apron and she vaults
	back into the ring bowling over both Angel and Brenda.'

DeMandable: 'Talk about luck, Lizzie should be sitting in the cheap seats.. and
	speaking of cheap, Laurie Liberty has just tossed the unconscious Binkie
	Horowitz out of the ring and is...'

Coward: 'Binkie Horowitz has been eliminated.'

DeMandable: '...excuse ME! As I was saying, Laurie is now going to town on The
	Angel of Death.  While Blaze and Brenda try once again to throw Lizzie
	from the ring.'

Vince: 'Oh look at that Lizzie just dumped Brenda from the ring the ring!  What
	a show of strength on the part of Lizzie Borden she just whipped her
	right over!'

Coward: 'Brenda "The Revolutionist" has been eliminated.'

DeMandable: 'We're down to four ladies in there and Blaze doesn't want any part
	of Lizzie Borden, she jumps on Laurie back and rides her to the ground
	as Angel take advantage of the situation and lands a kick to Laurie's
 	groin.'

Vince: 'Now Lizzie and The Angel of Death are at it again and Lizzie whips The
	Angel into the corner and then monkey flips her back out into the middle
	of the ring.'

DeMandable: 'And believe it or not, Laurie Liberty is on the verge of being
	eliminated!  Blaze has here up there and yes she did it! she dumped her
	over the tope rope!'

Vince: 'But wait! Laurie landed on the apron, she's still legal and Blaze
	doesn't know it!  Laurie slides in between Blaze's legs and catches her
	full in the chest with a beautiful drop kick that sends Blaze tumbling
	over the top rope and down to the floor!'

Coward: 'Blaze O'Glory has been eliminated.'

DeMandable: 'And Lizzie's in trouble to she's hanging by a hair, or lot's of
	them actually, but this time the Angel bites her hand, and Lizzie let's
	go with a shriek!'

Coward: 'Lizzie "The Axe" Borden has been eliminated.'

Vince: 'We're down to one-on-one action, and look at Lizzie she's gonna nuts
	out on the floor, I think she may be throwing one of her vicious
	temper tantrums...'

DeMandable: 'Who cares The Angel of Death is choking the life out of Laurie
	Liberty over there!  Go Angel! You gotta love a woman who REALLY knows
	how to wrestle!'

Vince: 'Uh oh this could be bad, Lizzie's got a chair and she's heading back
	into the ring...she just nailed a ref that tried to stop her and she's
	rushing toward Angel and Laurie!'

DeMandable: 'She swings the chair at The Angel, but Angel gets out of the way
	and the chairs slams into the back of Laurie Liberty!  Oh this is GREAT!
	What a riot! Lizzie is stunned and Laurie is out cold!  Check it out,
	The Angel of Death just eliminated Lizzie for a second time!'

Vince: 'And now she's picking up Laurie Liberty and holding her up by her hair!
	Would you just get it over with already?  Wait a minute! WAIT a MINUTE!
	Laurie was playing possum!'

DeMandable: 'This can't be happening!'

Vince: 'It sure is!  Laurie drives here elbow into The Angel's stomach doubling
	here over, and then she bulldogs here into the mat!  She's scoops Angel
	up and ther she goes...!'

DeMandable: 'NO!'

Coward: 'The Angel of Death has been eliminated.  The Winner and NEW UeWF Ladies
	Champion...... Laurie......LIB.....ERTY!!!!!!'

(The crowd erupts into a thunderous ovation as an ENORMOUS American flag unfolds
 itself from the rafters and 'America the Beautiful' begins playing over the
 loudspeakers. Once the crowd dies down and the music fades away DeMandable can
 be heard as usual complaining...)

DeMandable: 'I think I'm going to be sick, this is all just too nice.'

Vince: 'Well, this next match up shouldn't be nice at all...let's head back to
	the ring.'

Coward: 'This match is a World Championship Semi-Final match and is scheduled
	for one fall.  The Winner will advance to face in the Championship round
	and the loser will be be awarded the Pacific Championship Title.  Now,
	in the corner to my right, hailing from Plunder Castle, England...Lord
	Plunder!! <The Crowd erupts into enormous boos>  And his opponent from
	parts unknown...Lucifer!!! <The crowd erupts once again into a chorus of
	boos>'

DeMandable: 'You tell we have two class wrestler here now, because the fans
	obviously have no taste.'

Vince: 'I see, they choose your wardrobe too?  The referee wants to check out
	these two men for any sort of foreign objects....and he finds several
	what the?  He just pulled a stilleto out of Plunder's boot, now what is
	that for?'

DeMandable: 'Opening letters?  Who cares, I say the ref should give 'em back
	there toys and let 'em go at it!  Good there's the bell!  We're in for
	a treat this time around.'

Vince: 'Somehow I doubt it, if this is any example, the two men exchange face
	rakes and Plunder just spit on Lucifer! That's revolting!'

DeMandable: 'That's a great technical move! And so is that!'

Vince: 'I'm sorry a kick to the family jewels does not qualify as "a great
	technical move" in my book.'

DeMandable: 'It worked didn't it?  And now Plunder is scooping up the fallen
	Lucifer and he whips him into the corner, but NO Lucifer reveses it and
	sends Plunder sailing into the corner, and follows him in with a big
	clothesline!  Plunder is staggered!'

Vince: 'Hey DeMandable is that one of your relatives?'

DeMandable: 'Who?'

Vince: 'That blind guy making his way towards ringside.'

DeMandable: 'Sorry, no now you've made me miss part of the match.  You idiot.
	What happened?'

Vince: 'I dunno either, but it looks like Plunder has gotten control of the
	match back and he piledrives Lucifer into the mat!'

DeMandable: 'Hey what's that blind guy doing up on the ring apron?  The
	referee's trying to get rid of him, and look at that Lucifer just threw
	a packet of dust into Plunder's eyes!  The ref didn't see a thing!'

Vince: 'The blind man is leaving the apron and...HEY what did that say on his
	tights?  "Totally Awesome Dude"?  What the heck is that?'

DeMandable: 'Who cares, I know what that is Lucifer's setting up for the
	HellRaiser and he nailed it! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! And Lucifer gets the
	pin!'

Vince: 'I wanna know who that guy was!'

DeMandable: 'Well you're gonna have to wait until tomorrow McMayonaisse because
	our times up.  But be sure to check in tomorrow for the second round
	of action in the Tag Team Championship Tournament.'

Vince: 'Oh, all right, I'll wait! We now go to Sunn Mooner in the dressing
  room area; take it away!"

**************************************************************************

Sunn: "Thank you Vince! My guest at this time is one of the most
  successful managers in all e-wrestling, Admiral Chekov! Admiral, it's
  good to see you back in action after that terrible injury at the hands
  of the General Machine!"

Chekov: "Thanks Sunn; you can rest assured that this shameful attack will
  not remain unanswered... We may even fight back with the enemy's own
  weapon, if you see what I mean..."

Sunn: "Uh, I don't think I do, but then again I'm always a little confused...
  Say, Admiral, has your arm healed 100%?"

Chekov: "You bet it has! In fact, I will prove it tomorrow night..."

Sunn: "How is that?"

Chekov: "For the very first time, I will step into the ring to wrestle Simon
  Bolendorf!"

Sunn: "WOW! That's big news! Now, how about the Rumble: any special plans?"

Chekov: "Well, I've got four men in the Royal Rumble, and they have strict
  instructions: they are to fight as a team, at all times! We have never
  fared too well in battle royals, except that Team Chalenge Series thing
  when we were teamed up with Flint and Steel, and today is the day that we
  shall prevail!"

Sunn: "That's it from the dressing room; we now go to live Rumble action,
  with Baboon Tempest and Jimmy Vendetta. Baboon?"

*************************************************************************

(From: Mike Varney <varneyml@clutx.clarkson.edu>)

Baboon:  "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!  I'm Baboon Tempest..."

Jimmy:  "And I'm Jimmy 'The Body' Vendetta... and welcome to the 40-man
	Royal Rumble, part of the second annual Summit of Wrestling!"

Baboon:  "Also with us here tonight, is Simon Bolendorf, who not only manages
	The Crusher and The Maniacs in the WeWF, but also helped to organize
	tonight's event.  Simon, why don't you explain the rules to everyone
	watching at home?"

Simon:  "Gee thanks, Baboon.  Alright you moron couch potatoes, here are the
	rules for this evening's festivities.  40 wrestlers will participate
	in this match, one entering every minute.  You're eliminated when
	you go over the top rope and hit the floor of the arena.  The last
	person who's in the ring after all 40 have been in wins this here
	trophy..."

Baboon:  "Hey Simon, isn't that a bowling trophy?"

Simon:  "Yes, genius it is... you have to be a real pin-head to have 39 other
	wrestlers beat up on you at once!"

Baboon:  "Oh please...  Jimmy, why don't you list the people who will be
	participating in tonight's rumble for everyone?"

Jimmy:  "Okie doke... They are:  Volk Svagen, Fury, Metallicus, John Girder,
	Warren Hammer, Ric "tower" Shield, Baron Von Klaw, Kendo "The Katana"
	Masamune, The General, Daemon, Erik, Sandman (from the WeWF), SandMan
	(of the UFWS), Gentleman Jim Nice, Freddie "Dr Feelgood" Fitness,
	The Romulan Mauler, The Grim Reaper, Photon Torpedo, Klingon Phaser,
	Klingon Disrupter, Johnny Granite, Lord PLunder, Powerhouse Pruitt,
	Cannonball Calhoun, Brimstone Baxter, The Shogun, Plague Dog, Mr. B,
	Action Man, Tom "The Animal" Brown, The Anzac, "Crusher" Cootus,
	S. Modeus, B. L. Zebub, Johnny B. Cool, Sgt. Hardway, Hojo Tojomoto,
	Masked Enigma, The Executioner, and Despair."

Baboon:  "While you're catching your breath, Jimmy...  Simon - I noticed that
	The Crusher isn't listed in the participant list... is it true that
	he's afraid of "Crusher" Cootus?"

Simon:  "Hey DaGoon, The Crusher isn't afraid of nothing!  We decided it just
	wasn't worth his while to compete against these wimps!"

Jimmy: "Wimps??? I agree with you that Cootus is a lame duck, but even I think
	that the 367 members of the Mage's Gallery who will participate in
	this Rumble (including the defending champion, Fury) could kick your
	Crusher around the place!"

Baboone: "Before we get on with the action, here are some comments that
  we picked up in the past weeks..."

[roll tape]
(Sgt. Hardway is standing in front of a hospital with a neck-brace and cane)
    SH: Hojo, you back-stabbing little gutless wonder, you think you and your
        new partner put me away for good, and some of my doctors are trying to
        tell me you succeeded, but they and you are WRONG!  I've got nearly
        two weeks to get in shape before the Royal Rumble, and I promise you
        Hojo, I'll be there and ready, Dec 28th.  And when I'm through with
        you, you'll be running back to Japan with your tail between your legs
        like the cowardly dog I always knew you were.  And Shogun, if you get
        in the way, I'll just have to show you the door, too.....THE HARDWAY.
                      [end tape]

[roll tape]
(Hojo Tojomoto is outside the locker room with Green Jean Oktoberfest)
    GJO: So, tell us Mr. Tojomoto, what do you have to say in reply to Sgt.
         Hardways comments.
   Hojo: Hardway, you are fool.  How do you think you can beat me?  You are
         slow, like tortoise.  I will run rings around you, like hare. You
         have no skill, no technique, you are simple street-brawler. I am
         master of no less than five martial arts. And worst of all Hardway,
         you are SOFT.  You are a whining, overfed, American PIG and I will
         butcher you like swine you are, if you challenge me in the ring.
    GJO: With your new tag-team partner, the Shogun, helping out, no doubt...
   Hojo: I need no help to beat this clumsy fool, if he crosses me again, he
         may be in hospital for good. And you too, Miss Reporter-lady, maybe
         you watch your back. The Angel of Death may not like your attitude
         or comments on her friends.
    GJO: If she wants, she knows where she can talk to me about them.  The same
         place YOU'LL have to face Sgt. Hardway, in the ring.  Back to you,
	 Baboon!"
                      [end tape]

Baboon:  "I don't know about that... but I'm sure of one thing... we're going
	to see some good action here tonight!  Now, let's go down to ringside
	and our ring announcer, Coward Pickle!"

Coward:  "Ladies and gentlemen... earlier this evening, a champonship
	pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey tournament was held to determine entering
	order.  Now.. introducing #1:  From the UeWF....  Hojo Tojomoto!"

Simon:  "Look at him, Baboon and Jimmy... he doesn't have a shot!  He's got
	to go through 39 others to win... he won't make it!"

Baboon:  "I don't know, Simon... Hojo Tojomoto is an experienced wrestler...
	Let's see who #2 is..."

Coward:  "And now... drawing #2... Volk Svagen!"

Baboon:  "So, Volk Svagen and Hojo Tojomoto will battle it out for the first
	minute, one on one!"

Jimmy:  "And Coward runs out of the ring, as Volk runs to the ring and begins
	attacking Hojo!"

Baboon:  "Volk Svagen gives Hojo Tojomoto a bodyslam... and a second... and a
	third!"

Jimmy:  "Volk lifts him up again, in a press position... he's going to toss
	him out like a sack of potatoes!"

Baboon:  "But his back gives out!  Hojo lands on top of Volk Svagen.... He
	picks him off the mat... whips him to the ropes..."

Jimmy:  "And dropkicks Volk Svagen over the top rope and out to the floor!"

Baboon:  "And only about one minute into the match, Hojo is standing all
	alone in the ring..."

Jimmy:  "And this is good for Hojomoto.. he gets to rest until #3 comes out..."

Simon:  "And look at that Volk guy... he's complaining to the rent-a-cops at
	ringside about Hojo's move... they'll escort him back to the dressing
	rooms."

Baboon:  "And there goes the bell... here comes #3.. it's the Masked Enigma.."

Jimmy:  "He and Tojomoto duke it out in the center of the ring, and Hojo
	forces Enigma back into the corner and tries to wear him down..."

Baboon:  "And there's the bell again for #4... I don't know about that one,
	Simon... who's timing these bells?  That one seemed a little fast..."

Simon:  "I have the button over here... we have to get this going... I have
	things to do, and people to see...."

Baboon:  "Give me a break!  As long as you keep it fair...   And here's #4,
	Photon Torpedo!"

Jimmy:  "Photon goes over to mess with Masked Enigma, and Hojo Tojomoto is just
	standing in the corner!"

Simon:  "What a goof!  He doesn't even know what to do!"

Baboon:  "Whoah!  Masked Enigma just put Photon Torpedo out with a big
	clothesline!  He's hit from behind from Hojo Tojomoto when he was
	looking out after him.. and he goes over too!  We're back to only
	Hojo Tojomoto in the ring!"

Jimmy:  "What a move by Tojomoto!  He saw when his two opponents were weak, and
	put them right over!  Guess he showed you that he knew what he was
	doing, eh Simon?"

Baboon:  "And there does the bell again... #5 is S. Modeus!"

Jimmy:  "He and Hojo Tojomoto tangle together in the middle of the ring...
	Hojo forces S. Modeus into the corner, where he begins slapping him
	around...  And he whips him to the opposite corner...
	There's the bell again..."

Baboon:  "#6 is Kendo 'The Katana' Masamone... who immediately goes after
	Hojo Tojomoto, and gets help from S. Modeus in delivering a double
	clothesline.  Hojo looks worn out now.... he doesn't seem to
	be able to last much longer... S. Modeus and Masamone hammer
	away in the back corner of the ring..."

Jimmy:  "And here comes #7, Erik, from the WeWF Hoosiers!"

Baboon:  "Erik attacks Hojo Tojomoto as S. Modeus and Kendo 'The Katana'
	Masamone hammer at each other..."

Jimmy:  "Hojo drops Erik to the mat!  I can't believe he's still going!"

Baboon:  "Powerhouse Pruitt from the UFWS is coming in as #8..."

Jimmy:  "And Erik dumps Hojo Tojomoto out over the top and to the floor with
	a big right forearm to the chest!"

Baboon:  "Which leaves Modeus and Masamone wearing each other down in the
	corner, and Erik now turning his attention to Powerhouse Pruitt."

Jimmy:  "Powerhouse Pruitt is laying some big blows on Erik... and goes over
	and deals some to Modeus and Masamone too!  He's attacking everything
	in sight!"

Baboon:  "There's the bell... and Gentleman Jim Nice comes in at #9.."

Jimmy:  "And he joins Erik in fighting Powerhouse Pruitt...  Simon... you're
	not saying much... you still alive over there?"

Simon:  "Just over here shining my - er - the winner's trophy...."

Baboon:  "And Powerhouse Pruitt puts out Erik to the floor!  He was double
	teamed and he STILL put one of them out!"

Jimmy:  "And here comes #10... The Anzac from the WeWF!  And Gentleman Jim
	Nice puts out Powerhouse Pruitt!  It looked like Pruitt laid such
	a big blow on Erik that he was off-balance and was easy pickings for
	Nice..."

Baboon:  "The Anzac separates Modeus and Masamone, and begins hammering on
	S. Modeus... Gentleman Jim Nice peels Kendo 'The Katana' Masamone
	out of the corner, and gives him a couple of big bodyslams..."

Jimmy:  "S. Modeus comes up with a big drop, catching The Anzac coming off
	the ropes, and puts The Anzac out to the arena floor!  We're down to
	3 again..."

Baboon:  "It's back to 4, as #11 comes in, Freddie 'Dr. Feelgood' Fitness!
	He dukes it out with Gentleman Jim Nice... and S. Modeus picks up
	The Katana and tosses him over the top rope and down to the floor!"

Jimmy:  "I'm suprised The Katana survived that long... he took some big
	hits from Gentleman Jim Nice..."

Baboon:  "And Jim Nice gets headbutted by Freddie Fitness, and almost goes over
	the top!  S. Modeus tangles up with Fitness, and Gentleman Jim Nice
	is able to recover!"

Jimmy:  "That was a close one... what do you think, Simon?"

Simon:  "Huh?  Wha?"

Baboon:  "Go back to your own world, Simon...  and here comes #12, Fury!"

Jimmy:  "Fury runs in and deals Gentleman Jim Nice a big atomic drop,
	propelling Nice into the corner...  Fitness intercepts Fury as he'
	to run in the corner...   They tangle up... meanwhile S. Modeus
	brings Nice out of the corner for some chops across the chest..."

Baboon:  "Big #13 is Sandman, from the UFWS!"

Jimmy:  "And S. Modeus puts Gentleman Jim Nice out of the ring!  We're down
	to 4!  And S. Modeus runs over and puts both Freddie 'Dr. Feelgood'
	Fitness and Fury out over the top while they were up against the ropes
	jockeying for position!  But he himself is put out by the Sandman
	in a big move!  But S. Modeus brings Sandman with him!!!"

Baboon:  "Wow!  That WAS a big move... and now we're suddenly faced with noone
	in the ring for 28 seconds!"

Simon:  "Now's the time to hit the fridge and hit the can, all you potatoes
	keeping score at home..."

Jimmy:  "Well, I hate to disappoint you, Simon, but there's no time for that,
	as Sgt. Hardway is #14, and is suprised to find the ring empty.  He
	warms up in the corner while he waits..."

Baboon:  "And now here's #15, Mr. B!"

Jimmy:  "The crowd's shouting 'B!  B!  B!'  as he circles Hardway, looking
	for an opening... and they lock up.."

Baboon:  "Mr. B. gets in a few knees to the stomach, and the bell goes off
	for #16... The Romulan Mauler... That bell might have been a little
	early, Simon..."

Simon:  "I didn't want them to get lonely in there... all by their twosome..."

Baboon:  "Mr. B is getting hammered by both Hardway and the Mauler in the
	corner... he looks like he's taking some serious punishment..."

Jimmy:  "Here comes #17, The Grim Reaper!"

Baboon:  "The Reaper pulls Hardway out of the corner and begins working him
	over with some chops to the chest... and Mr. B is now beginning to
	fight back against the Mauler..."

Jimmy:  "Hardway almost goes over after a big chop by The Grim Reaper, but is
	able to keep on the right side of the top rope!"

Baboon:  "#18 is Johnny B. Cool... he runs in and saves Hardway from almost
	certain elimination.."

Jimmy:  "There's 5 people in the ring now... Johnny B. Cool is laying some big
	blows on The Grim Reaper..."

Baboon: "And The Romulan Mauler and Sgt. Hardway give Mr. B a big double drop-
	kick!"

Jimmy:  "Here's #19, from the UEWF, Despair!"

Baboon:  "Despair saves Mr. B by axe-handling the Mauler from behind... Mr. B
	follows it up by cross-chopping at the Mauler's throat..."

Jimmy:  "The Grim Reaper and Johnny B. Cool are still trading blows back and
	forth... that has to be wearing them down..."

Baboon:  "There's the bell again... #20 is Warren Hammer!"

Simon:  "Halfway through the numbers..."

Baboon:  "Warren Hammer joins Sgt. Hardway in the corner as they are giving
	some big knees in the stomach of Mr. B..."

Jimmy:  "Mr. B looks like he's really in trouble now..."

Simon:  "You forget... Mr. B ALWAYS looks like he's in trouble!"

Baboon:  "#21 is the Sandman, from the WeWF!"

Jimmy:  "Sandman graps Johnny B. Cool by the hair and tosses him in the corner,
	tries to follow him in with an elbow, but misses!"

Baboon:  "But the Grim Reaper connects with Johnny B. Cool with a dropkick.."

Jimmy:  "Next in the ring is #22, "Crusher" Cootus!"

Baboon:  "Whoah!  The Grim Reaper and Sandman whip Johnny B. Cool to the
	ropes, but Crusher Cootus is in the way, and catches one of Johnny's
	forearms in the chest, and goes sprawling over the top rope!  He
	just got in and now he's gone!"

Simon:  "Moron didn't belong in this contest anyways..."

Jimmy:  "And Mr. B suprisingly puts out Despair with a back body drop as
	Despair was coming at him for a clothesline!"

Baboon:  "And Sandman is put out by Johnny B. Cool by a big press slam!"

Jimmy:  "After a while of no action, there's suddenly a bunch of eliminations,
	with 22 of the 40 contestants already have made that trip down the
	aisle..  And Warren Hammer puts Sgt. Hardway out with a forearm
	to the back!  We're Down to 4 men in the ring!"

Baboon: "Metallicus is #23..."

Jimmy:  "And he immediately begins working over Mr. B..."

Baboon:  "The Romulan Mauler and The Grim Reaper have temporarily turned their
	attention on Warren Hammer... Seeing those two men working together
	against someone is enough to keep me out of werestling..."

Jimmy:  "#24 is Rick "Tower" Shield... He comes in with a sneer on his face.."

Baboon:  "He grabs Metallicus by the hair and towwes him into the turnbuckle,
	or rather OVER the turnbuckle and clear out to the third row of seats!"

Jimmy:  "WOW!  With a move like that, doesn't that mean that Metallicus is
	eliminated from the next 3 Royal Rumbles too?"

Baboon:  "I don't know about that, but what I do know is Mr. B has come back and
	is now giving The Grim Reaper a big work over... and The Reaper goes
	out!  Mr. B amazingly comes back to eliminate the Reaper!"

Jimmy:  "He doesn't get to rest for long, though, as The Romulan Mauler is quick
	to get on Mr. B, and #25 comes out, B. L. Zebub from the UFWS!"

Baboon:  "He comes in and starts working on Rick Shield... And the Romulan
	Mauler eliminates Warren Hammer with a reverse kick while he was still
	punching away at Mr. B!  I haven't seen skill like that in years!"

Jimmy:  "I agree, Baboon... to deal out that punishment to Mr. B and still put
	out over the top rope with a single kick without losing balance..."

Baboon:  "And Rick Shield puts out B. L. Zebub with an atomic drop!  The
	Romulan Mauler is quick to advance on Rick "Tower" Shield..."

Jimmy:  "And he gets eliminated!  Shield steps out of the way and the Mauler's
	own momentum eliminates himself!"

Baboon:  "But Mr. B deals a forearm to Rick Shield's back, which causes him to
	go over the top rope!"

Jimmy:  "Another big series of eliminations at this point in the match....
	and it continues!  Johnny B. Cool eliminates Mr. B with a powerful
	dropkick!"

Baboon:  "That was a big elimination... Mr. B was beginning to get momentum
	back..."

Jimmy:  "But now we're left with only Johnny B. Cool in the ring!"

Baboon: "But #26 is already on his way down the aisle... it's Action Man,
	from the WeWF!"

Jimmy:  "Action Man is quick to get the advantage with a couple kicks to the
	stomach... Johnny's been in there a long time, Baboon..."

Baboon:  "That's right... Simon, who else do we have to look forward to?"

Simon:  "Well, that geek The General hasn't entered yet, nor has either
	of those stupid Klingons..."

Jimmy:  "Which could work to their advantage... not only that they have a
	late numbers, but also that they may very well be in there together
	as a team..."

Baboon:  "And #27 joins Action Man and Johnny B. Cool in the ring... it's
	Daemon from WeWF's Hoosiers!"

Jimmy:  "Action Man and Daemon are now dealing big blows to Johnny's head..."

Baboon:  "But Johnny comes back with a dropkick to daemon!  And a bodyslam
	to Action Man!"

Jimmy:  "There's the bell for #28... it's The General!"

Baboon:  "This will be a huge advantage for Daemon, as the General is also
	the Hoosier's manager!"

Simon:  "Maybe that's why they've become known as the Loser Hoosiers..."

Baboon:  "Well they're obviously not losing now, as Daemon and the General
	apply a number of bodyslams and splashes on Action Man and Johnny
	B. Cool..."

Jimmy:  "Here's #29... it's The Executioner!"

Baboon:  "And The General and Daemon easily toss Action Man over the top
	rope!"

Jimmy:  "The Executioner is able to separate The General and Daemon, as he
	begins chopping at Daemon's neck, and the General deals a clothesline
	to Johnny B. Cool..."

Baboon:  "The Shogun, from the WeWF is #30..."

Jimmy:  "And the Executioner eliminates Daemon!  The General is hot!  He runs
	across the ring and showers The Executioner with blows!"

Baboon:  "Johnny Granite enters as #31... he comes in and right away flips
	Johnny B. Cool over the ropes!"

Jimmy:  "Johnny B. Cool was able to stay in for a long time, but he was just
	too worn out to survive among all the fresh people in the ring..."

Baboon:  "And the General eliminates The Executioner!"

Jimmy:  "Guess that shows everyone not to fool with any of his men!"

Simon:  "Bah Humbug..."

Baboon:  "But while The General is taunting The Executioner, The Shogun puts
	him out!"

Jimmy:  "The General and The Executioner fight all the way back to the dressing
	rooms!"

Baboon:  "Cannonball Calhoun, from the UFWS, is #32!"

Jimmy:  "So now, left in the ring, we have Johnny Granite and the Shogun,
	who are double teaming the newly arrived Cannonball with double
	boots to the head.."

Baboon:  "Looks like they've allied together to eliminate Cannonball.. but no..
	Granite headbutts the Shogun, and he looks like he knocked him out!"

Simon:  "Always knew Granite only had rocks in his head..."

Baboon:  "You may be right, Simon... Shogun is NOT moving at all!"

Jimmy:  "The rent-a-cops at ringside drag him out of the ring and stretcher
	him out from the ring area... he hasn't moved since Granite got him
	with that head butt..."

Baboon:  "And #33, Plague Dog from the UFWS joins them in the ring.."

Jimmy:  "He sees Granite, and doesn't want any part of him... he goes right for
	Cannonball Calhoun..."

Baboon:  "He probably saw what Granite just did with that headbutt..."

Jimmy:  "Looks like Granite's taking a coffee break.. he's just sitting on
	the turnbuckle, watching Cannonball and Plague Dog go at it!"

Baboon:  "Well, he'll have to get back in the match now... John Girder is #34!"

Jimmy:  "And John Girder goes after Plague Dog, leaving Cannonball Calhoun to
	take on Johnny Granite.."

Baboon:  "There's fists and forearms flying all around the ring from both
	groups of wrestlers..."

Jimmy:  "Here's #35, Baron Von Klaw, from the UFWS..."

Baboon:  "And I don't know how it happened, but Johnny Granite has been
	eliminated!"

Jimmy:  "I think he got too close to Cannonball Calhoun, and Cannonball just
	lifted up Granite's legs and flipped him over his shoulder and out
	of the ring..."

Baboon:  "Well, nonetheless, that leaves Calhoun, Plague Dog, Girder, and Klaw,
	with only 5 more men to enter the ring!"

Jimmy:  "This is when the eliminations become more critical...  It's hard to
	survive though all 40, but to survive through only 5 or so is no
	big strain..."

Baboon:  "You should ask Plague Dog that one, as he's getting pummeled by
	both John Girder and Baron Von Klaw...  And here's #36, Brimstone
	Baxter, who locks up with Cannonball Calhoun..."

Jimmy:  "Cannonball seems to be getting the upper hand... he's been in for a
	while now.. I'm suprised he's not tired..."

Baboon:  "Plague Dog fights his way out of the corner with a reverse atomic
	drop to John Girder, and begins hammering Baron Von Klaw.."

Jimmy:  "And Tom "The Animal" Brown enters as #37..."

Baboon:  "He forearms Cannonball Calhoun from behind... that stopped Cannonball
	pretty quick..."

Jimmy:  "Now Brown and Baxter are working Cannonball over in the corner..."

Baboon:  "Plague Dog joins them all in the corner, making a huge mass of people
	over there in that one corner..."

Jimmy:  "#38, Lord Plunder enters the ring.. you know what that means!"

Baboon:  "Both the Klingons will be the final two into the ring!"

Simon:  "I always knew Klingons were better than the other races at
	pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey..."

Jimmy:  "And Plague dog whips Brimstone baxter across the ring, and he hits
	the turnbuckle and flips over the rope!  He7s outta there!"

Baboon:  "The Animal and Lord Plunder flip John Girder out of the ring!"

Jimmy:  "And that brings us down to Cannonball Calhoun, Tom Brown, Plague Dog,
	Baron Von Klaw, Lord Plunder, and the now entering #39, Klingon
	Disrupter, from the WeWF!"

Baboon:  "Cannonball Calhoun splashes Baron Von Klaw!  He peels him off
	the mat and flies him over the ropes like he was a sheet of paper!"

Jimmy:  "Klingon Disrupter runs in, and presses Tom "The Animal" Brown out
	of the ring!"

Baboon:  "Klingon Disrupter is going wild!  He grabs Lord Plunder by the
	tights, and tosses him out like a piece of garbage!  This man - er -
	Klingon is on fire!"

Jimmy:  "But Cannonball Calhoun gets him with an axehandle from behind and puts
	him out!"

Baboon:  "There went a MAJOR advantage for the Klingons... no longer can they
	work together in the match!"

Jimmy:  "And here's #40... Klingon Phaser from the WeWF!"

baboon:  "So we're down to 3...  Klingon Phaser, Plague Dog, and Cannonball
	Calhoun!"

Jimmy:  "Cannonball Calhoun eyes Plague Dog... and charges at him..."

Baboon:  "But he misses!  Klingon Phaser lowers the top rope and Cannonball
	backflips over it!  He's outta here!"

Jimmy:  "And now it's down to Klingon Phaser and Plague Dog!  The Klingon
	wastes no time, giving Plague Dog a number of hacks to the chest
	area.... Plague Dog looks hurt... he came on at #33, and hasn't
	exactly gotten the best treatment..."

Baboon:  "Exactly, Jimmy... it should be only a matter of time... and there
	he goes!  Klingon Phaser gave him a sharp punch to the head, and
	Phase Dog went flying..."

Coward Pickle:  "Here is the winner... of the Royal Rumble... KLINGON PHASER!"

Baboon:  "Simon Bolendorf is down at ringside to hand the Klingon his
	"trophy"... he doesn't look to happy to be standing next to th
	 Klingon...."

Jimmy:  "Klingon Phaser decks him in the noggin!  The trophy goes flying!
	What, was Simon #41??"

Baboon:  "I don't know, but Klingon Phaser has won the Royal Rumble!  That's
	about it for tonight, so for myself, Jimmy Vendetta, and the now
	stretchered Simon Bolendorf, have a great night, and stay tuned
	for more Summit of Wrestling action!"

**************************************************************************

Lord: "Thank you gentlemen! Well, it's a great victory for the Trekkies; let's
  see if they can repeat tomorrow at the Von Erich/Freebird Memorial six-man
  tag-team tournament! Also scheduled for tomorrow, a match between Simon
  Bolendorf and Admiral Chekov, and a tangle between The Klingons and the
  Dangerous Emotions! So until then, this is Lord Winfred Vague, signing
  off. Good night!"