Summit of E-Wrestling Day 2 From: supermeo@cs.mcgill.ca (Francois LARAMEE) Date: Sat, 28 Dec 1991 20:35:34 +0000 The Summit of E-Wrestling, Day 2 --- ------ -- ------------ --- - <Lord Winfred is standing in the crowd at the SkyDome; e-marks are flashing signs everywhere in the background.> Lord: "Hello again, everyone, this is Lord Winfred welcoming you to another great day of world-class e-wrestling! Later tonight, Baboon Tempest, Jimmy Vendetta and Simon Bolendorf will bring you live coverage of the second Royal Rumble, but first, some more UeWF Tournament action. Without further ado, here are Vince McMayonnaise and Mark DeMandable!" ********************************************************************* Vince: 'Welcome back Ladies and Gentleman, and I suppose you too DeMandable, we're back for another BIG day of action here at the Summit of E-Wrestling.' DeMandable: 'That's right, McMayonaisse, and tonight we get to crown our very first champion after the Ladies' Battle Royale!' Vince: 'But first up tonight the first match of the Men's Championship Tournament semi-finals, which will also crown a champion. Mr.B squares off against Admiral Ax.' DeMandable: 'Mr.B couldn't win this match even if he was 100% and after last night's events, he doesn't stand a snowball's chance of getting passed the Admiral.' Vince: 'Mr.B has been in some pretty tough spots in his career and I can guarantee you one thing DeMandable, he won't be giving up. In fact I'd wager that he could STILL beat Admiral Ax, who should have been disqualified last night anyway. Let's go to Coward with the introductions...' Coward: 'Ladies and Gentleman, this fight is scheduled for one fall, the winner to move on to the finals of this tournament and the loser to be named the UEWF's first Atlantic Champion. First entering the ring in the company of his compatriots Action Man and The ANZAC, Mr.....B!!! <The crowd erupts into a flurry of cheers as the trio makes their way to the ring...> And his opponent, in the company of HIS compatriots Corporal Crush and Sergeant Smash....Admiral....AX!!!!! <The crowds cheers turn into a furious round of boos and a familiar youngster in a wheelchair in the front row pelts Admiral Ax with a cup soda as he walks by.>' Vince: 'Holy Cow! The action is under way already as the Armed Forces charge across the ring and attack Mr.B and company! It's a pier six brawl! Come on ref get those guys out of there!' DeMandable: 'Oh sure when Mr.B used the same tactics to get Mosh out of the way it was a good idea, but now it's uncalled for?' Vince: 'Well THAT certainly was! Corporal Crush just hit Mr.B in the back with some sort of International Object and the B is on the ground rolling in pain.' DeMandable: 'And Crush continues to kick him while he's down, you gotta love this!' Vince: 'Well the referees have finally gotten things back under control, but I don't know if Mr.B is going to be able to finish the match.' DeMandable: 'Finish? He hasn't even started it yet! That's the beauty of it all, there was no bell so Admiral Ax can't be Disqualified!' Vince: 'He ought to be suspended and I believe Sergeant Smash MAY be suspended anyway. This can't help his case....' DeMandable: 'Maybe not, but it certainly can't hurt Ax's chances at getting that World Championship. Mr.B STILL hasn't gotten up, and there's the bell to start the match, finally.' Vince: 'And Ax goes right back to work on the B's back. Kicking away at his fallen opponent, I don't know how much more of this Mr.B can take.' DeMandable: 'And would you listen to that crowd they're estatic that Mr.B is being pummeled!' Vince: 'Maybe you ARE deaf as well as blind all I hear is boos for Admiral Ax. He's going for the pin, BUT THE B KICKS OUT! I don't believe it! And now he's back on his feet and he's landing a series of punches, and a BIG clothesline! That one may have knocked Admiral Ax right out!' DeMandable: 'You've been watching Chico Santana matches again haven't you?' Vince: 'Mr.B going to the top rope, a very high risk move here.....and Ax gets his knees up in time and the B is down again.' DeMandable: 'He oughta just stay down, the man is NOT Rocky Balboa here....' Vince: 'Admiral Ax seems to be fishing in his tights for something...and Mr. B is back on his feet and staggering in his direction....and Ax nails him with a BIG right fist and the B drops to the mat like a sack of spuds!' DeMandable: 'What a punch! The man must be Mike Tyson in disguise!' Vince: 'Hey wait a minute what's this? And that! And That! There are quarters all over the place. REF!!' DeMandable: 'Oh great NOW you've done it!' Coward: 'As a result of a Disqualification, the winner of this match to move on to the finals.....Mr.B!!!!!' DeMandable: 'McMayonaisse if I were you I'd run for my life....Admiral Ax is NOT gonna be a happy camper when he gets his hands on you.' Vince: 'Hmm, maybe you're right, I'll send Misty down....' DeMandable: 'Oh please not that...' <Vince disappears from the table and Admiral Ax can be seen striding past the announcers' table toward the Locker room.> DeMandable: 'Well now that the moron's gone we can get back to action..' Misty: 'Hi Markie-poo, Vince said you needed some help out here?' DeMandable: 'You're the one that's gonna need the help airhead, now just sit down and improve the ratings. Like I was saying, next in line is the Ladies' Battle Royal to determine who will be the first UEWF Ladies Champion.' Misty: 'Yeah and did you notice that Green Jeans isn't even a contestant.' DeMandable: 'Yeah pity huh? Let's get to Coward and see what's going on...' Coward: 'Our next event is The Ladies Royal Rumble to determine who will wear the UeWF Ladies' Championship Belt. The format of the event is as follows: Two ladies will begin the match in the ring, and the other six will enter the ring at one-minute intervals. The order of entry is by random draw, with the 1st and 2nd ranked wrestlers having received first selection from numbers 5-8. Elimination is by being thrown over the top rope only. So without further adieu, the first two ladies in the ring are...... Morganna the Kissing Bandit and Sarah Jackson.' Misty: 'So Mark how do you like my dress?' DeMandable: 'Don't you have anything better to do? Like shave your upper lip?' Misty: 'Ooooo that's it, I'm outta here.' Vince: 'Hey Misty you can....what's up with her?' DeMandable: 'Who cares, we've got a mtach going on here, and I must say Sarah Jackson seems to be taking it to Morganna.' Vince: 'Yeah but that could change quickly, depending on who the next person to enter the ring is... Ouch! Sarah whips Morganna into the turnbuckle and then monkey flips the bandit in the the center of the ring!' DeMandable: 'There's the buzzer, I wonder who's next?' Coward: 'Now entering the ring.....Blaze O'Glory.' Vince: 'Blaze rushes into the ring and she goes right after Sarah, tackling her to the ground and giving Morgana a chance to recuperate.' DeMandable: 'That sort of unfair, it's two on one in there! Atleast for the next 30 seconds or so...' Vince: 'They say all's fair in love and war, and Sarah Jackson is sure getting her fair share of punishment and then some out there in the ring as first Blaze and then Morganna take turns dropkicking her to the canvas.' DeMandable: 'Hey look at that there's the buzzer! Who's next Coward?' Vince: 'That wasn't the buzzer, that was someone with an air horn...DeMandable put that away!' DeMandable: 'Just trying to help?' Vince: 'Now THAT's the buzzer...' Coward: 'Now entering the ring.....Lizzie "The Axe" Borden.' Vince: 'Well that certainly doesn't sound to promising for Sarah, as she's up against three to one odds now, but NO! Lizzie just Pearl Harbored Morganna and now she's trying to push her over the top-rope.' DeMandable: 'And Sarah rakes Blaze's face and then hurls her across the ring into Lizzie's back. Morganna just lost her grip on the rope and she falls hard to the floor, bouncing off the ring apron. That's gotta hurt!' Coward: 'Morganna the Kissing Bandit is eliminated.' Vince: 'Well that's one down and six to go, and there's the buzzer again.' Coward: 'Now entering the ring.....Binkie Horowitz.' DeMandable: 'Binkie gets quite the rude welcome as Sarah Jackson gives her a boot to the face and then brings her in the hard way suplexing into the ring as Lizzie Borden whips Blaze off the ropes and flips her high into the air.' Vince: 'And that had to hurt too! Blaze O'Glory was way up there and she landed right on her tush. Sure enough she's feeling a little sore from the looks.' DeMandable: 'And now Lizzie and Sarah are double teaming Binkie Horowitz over the corner, boy this Rumble is sure turning out some strange combinations, that's for sure.' Vince: 'You can say that again, and now it looks like Blaze is gonna make it a triple team, but she belly-to-back suplexed Lizzie Borden, now THAT took some serious effort!' DeMandable: 'I don't know how much it did for Blaze but it gave Binkie the space she needed, and she braces herself in the corner and lands a kick to Sarah's midsection that sends the Blonde Bombshell sprawling on top of Lizzie Borden!' Vince: 'Who puts her in a painful looking scissorhold! And Binkie just punched Blaze in the stomach! I guess there truly are no allies in a Royal Rumble!' DeMandable: 'And the buzzer sounds..' Coward: 'Now entering the ring.....The Angel of Death.' Vince: 'Well there's are first top-two entrant and she's going in there looking to get the job done in a hurry, going right to work on Lizzie Borden.' DeMandable: 'In the meantime, Sarah Jackson has decided to catch here breath over in the corner since no one's paying here any attention, and Binkie and Blaze are still battling it out over in the corner.' Vince: 'The Angel of Death scoops up Lizzie Borden, but Binkie pushes Blaze back into here, and she drops Lizzie to the mat, unable to eliminate her.' DeMandable: 'It looks like Sarah's rest break is over, she's trying to fight off both The Angel of Death and Binkie Horowitz, while Lizzie scoops up Blaze and slams her to the mat.' Coward: 'Now entering the ring.....Brenda 'The Revolutionist'. Vince: 'It's starting to get really crowded in there DeMandable. But there goes Sarah Jackson...' Coward: 'Sarah Jackson has been eliminated.' DeMandable: 'And it looks like Brenda and Angel may have Lizzie Borden in trouble too! Wow! Blaze just sent Binkie Horowitz sprawling with a dropkick that may have put Binkie lights out!' Vince: 'She certainly isn't moving, but she's still in the ring, and that's all matters, I suppose. And yes there goes Lizzie Borden over the top tope, but she's got Angel by the hair and she won't let go!' DeMandable: 'Angel HAS to be in pain the only thing keeping Lizzie from being eliminated is her grip on Angel's hair and now Brenda is trying to flip Angel out of the ring too! There's the final buzer!' Coward: 'Now entering the ring.....Laurie Liberty.' Vince: 'Lizzie has managed to pull herself back up onto the apron and she vaults back into the ring bowling over both Angel and Brenda.' DeMandable: 'Talk about luck, Lizzie should be sitting in the cheap seats.. and speaking of cheap, Laurie Liberty has just tossed the unconscious Binkie Horowitz out of the ring and is...' Coward: 'Binkie Horowitz has been eliminated.' DeMandable: '...excuse ME! As I was saying, Laurie is now going to town on The Angel of Death. While Blaze and Brenda try once again to throw Lizzie from the ring.' Vince: 'Oh look at that Lizzie just dumped Brenda from the ring the ring! What a show of strength on the part of Lizzie Borden she just whipped her right over!' Coward: 'Brenda "The Revolutionist" has been eliminated.' DeMandable: 'We're down to four ladies in there and Blaze doesn't want any part of Lizzie Borden, she jumps on Laurie back and rides her to the ground as Angel take advantage of the situation and lands a kick to Laurie's groin.' Vince: 'Now Lizzie and The Angel of Death are at it again and Lizzie whips The Angel into the corner and then monkey flips her back out into the middle of the ring.' DeMandable: 'And believe it or not, Laurie Liberty is on the verge of being eliminated! Blaze has here up there and yes she did it! she dumped her over the tope rope!' Vince: 'But wait! Laurie landed on the apron, she's still legal and Blaze doesn't know it! Laurie slides in between Blaze's legs and catches her full in the chest with a beautiful drop kick that sends Blaze tumbling over the top rope and down to the floor!' Coward: 'Blaze O'Glory has been eliminated.' DeMandable: 'And Lizzie's in trouble to she's hanging by a hair, or lot's of them actually, but this time the Angel bites her hand, and Lizzie let's go with a shriek!' Coward: 'Lizzie "The Axe" Borden has been eliminated.' Vince: 'We're down to one-on-one action, and look at Lizzie she's gonna nuts out on the floor, I think she may be throwing one of her vicious temper tantrums...' DeMandable: 'Who cares The Angel of Death is choking the life out of Laurie Liberty over there! Go Angel! You gotta love a woman who REALLY knows how to wrestle!' Vince: 'Uh oh this could be bad, Lizzie's got a chair and she's heading back into the ring...she just nailed a ref that tried to stop her and she's rushing toward Angel and Laurie!' DeMandable: 'She swings the chair at The Angel, but Angel gets out of the way and the chairs slams into the back of Laurie Liberty! Oh this is GREAT! What a riot! Lizzie is stunned and Laurie is out cold! Check it out, The Angel of Death just eliminated Lizzie for a second time!' Vince: 'And now she's picking up Laurie Liberty and holding her up by her hair! Would you just get it over with already? Wait a minute! WAIT a MINUTE! Laurie was playing possum!' DeMandable: 'This can't be happening!' Vince: 'It sure is! Laurie drives here elbow into The Angel's stomach doubling here over, and then she bulldogs here into the mat! She's scoops Angel up and ther she goes...!' DeMandable: 'NO!' Coward: 'The Angel of Death has been eliminated. The Winner and NEW UeWF Ladies Champion...... Laurie......LIB.....ERTY!!!!!!' (The crowd erupts into a thunderous ovation as an ENORMOUS American flag unfolds itself from the rafters and 'America the Beautiful' begins playing over the loudspeakers. Once the crowd dies down and the music fades away DeMandable can be heard as usual complaining...) DeMandable: 'I think I'm going to be sick, this is all just too nice.' Vince: 'Well, this next match up shouldn't be nice at all...let's head back to the ring.' Coward: 'This match is a World Championship Semi-Final match and is scheduled for one fall. The Winner will advance to face in the Championship round and the loser will be be awarded the Pacific Championship Title. Now, in the corner to my right, hailing from Plunder Castle, England...Lord Plunder!! <The Crowd erupts into enormous boos> And his opponent from parts unknown...Lucifer!!! <The crowd erupts once again into a chorus of boos>' DeMandable: 'You tell we have two class wrestler here now, because the fans obviously have no taste.' Vince: 'I see, they choose your wardrobe too? The referee wants to check out these two men for any sort of foreign objects....and he finds several what the? He just pulled a stilleto out of Plunder's boot, now what is that for?' DeMandable: 'Opening letters? Who cares, I say the ref should give 'em back there toys and let 'em go at it! Good there's the bell! We're in for a treat this time around.' Vince: 'Somehow I doubt it, if this is any example, the two men exchange face rakes and Plunder just spit on Lucifer! That's revolting!' DeMandable: 'That's a great technical move! And so is that!' Vince: 'I'm sorry a kick to the family jewels does not qualify as "a great technical move" in my book.' DeMandable: 'It worked didn't it? And now Plunder is scooping up the fallen Lucifer and he whips him into the corner, but NO Lucifer reveses it and sends Plunder sailing into the corner, and follows him in with a big clothesline! Plunder is staggered!' Vince: 'Hey DeMandable is that one of your relatives?' DeMandable: 'Who?' Vince: 'That blind guy making his way towards ringside.' DeMandable: 'Sorry, no now you've made me miss part of the match. You idiot. What happened?' Vince: 'I dunno either, but it looks like Plunder has gotten control of the match back and he piledrives Lucifer into the mat!' DeMandable: 'Hey what's that blind guy doing up on the ring apron? The referee's trying to get rid of him, and look at that Lucifer just threw a packet of dust into Plunder's eyes! The ref didn't see a thing!' Vince: 'The blind man is leaving the apron and...HEY what did that say on his tights? "Totally Awesome Dude"? What the heck is that?' DeMandable: 'Who cares, I know what that is Lucifer's setting up for the HellRaiser and he nailed it! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! And Lucifer gets the pin!' Vince: 'I wanna know who that guy was!' DeMandable: 'Well you're gonna have to wait until tomorrow McMayonaisse because our times up. But be sure to check in tomorrow for the second round of action in the Tag Team Championship Tournament.' Vince: 'Oh, all right, I'll wait! We now go to Sunn Mooner in the dressing room area; take it away!" ************************************************************************** <Sunn Mooner is standing with Admiral Chekov and his Ultimate Trekkies.> Sunn: "Thank you Vince! My guest at this time is one of the most successful managers in all e-wrestling, Admiral Chekov! Admiral, it's good to see you back in action after that terrible injury at the hands of the General Machine!" Chekov: "Thanks Sunn; you can rest assured that this shameful attack will not remain unanswered... We may even fight back with the enemy's own weapon, if you see what I mean..." Sunn: "Uh, I don't think I do, but then again I'm always a little confused... Say, Admiral, has your arm healed 100%?" Chekov: "You bet it has! In fact, I will prove it tomorrow night..." Sunn: "How is that?" Chekov: "For the very first time, I will step into the ring to wrestle Simon Bolendorf!" Sunn: "WOW! That's big news! Now, how about the Rumble: any special plans?" Chekov: "Well, I've got four men in the Royal Rumble, and they have strict instructions: they are to fight as a team, at all times! We have never fared too well in battle royals, except that Team Chalenge Series thing when we were teamed up with Flint and Steel, and today is the day that we shall prevail!" <Chekov and his men leave.> Sunn: "That's it from the dressing room; we now go to live Rumble action, with Baboon Tempest and Jimmy Vendetta. Baboon?" ************************************************************************* (From: Mike Varney <varneyml@clutx.clarkson.edu>) Baboon: "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! I'm Baboon Tempest..." Jimmy: "And I'm Jimmy 'The Body' Vendetta... and welcome to the 40-man Royal Rumble, part of the second annual Summit of Wrestling!" Baboon: "Also with us here tonight, is Simon Bolendorf, who not only manages The Crusher and The Maniacs in the WeWF, but also helped to organize tonight's event. Simon, why don't you explain the rules to everyone watching at home?" Simon: "Gee thanks, Baboon. Alright you moron couch potatoes, here are the rules for this evening's festivities. 40 wrestlers will participate in this match, one entering every minute. You're eliminated when you go over the top rope and hit the floor of the arena. The last person who's in the ring after all 40 have been in wins this here trophy..." Baboon: "Hey Simon, isn't that a bowling trophy?" Simon: "Yes, genius it is... you have to be a real pin-head to have 39 other wrestlers beat up on you at once!" Baboon: "Oh please... Jimmy, why don't you list the people who will be participating in tonight's rumble for everyone?" Jimmy: "Okie doke... They are: Volk Svagen, Fury, Metallicus, John Girder, Warren Hammer, Ric "tower" Shield, Baron Von Klaw, Kendo "The Katana" Masamune, The General, Daemon, Erik, Sandman (from the WeWF), SandMan (of the UFWS), Gentleman Jim Nice, Freddie "Dr Feelgood" Fitness, The Romulan Mauler, The Grim Reaper, Photon Torpedo, Klingon Phaser, Klingon Disrupter, Johnny Granite, Lord PLunder, Powerhouse Pruitt, Cannonball Calhoun, Brimstone Baxter, The Shogun, Plague Dog, Mr. B, Action Man, Tom "The Animal" Brown, The Anzac, "Crusher" Cootus, S. Modeus, B. L. Zebub, Johnny B. Cool, Sgt. Hardway, Hojo Tojomoto, Masked Enigma, The Executioner, and Despair." Baboon: "While you're catching your breath, Jimmy... Simon - I noticed that The Crusher isn't listed in the participant list... is it true that he's afraid of "Crusher" Cootus?" Simon: "Hey DaGoon, The Crusher isn't afraid of nothing! We decided it just wasn't worth his while to compete against these wimps!" Jimmy: "Wimps??? I agree with you that Cootus is a lame duck, but even I think that the 367 members of the Mage's Gallery who will participate in this Rumble (including the defending champion, Fury) could kick your Crusher around the place!" Baboone: "Before we get on with the action, here are some comments that we picked up in the past weeks..." [roll tape] (Sgt. Hardway is standing in front of a hospital with a neck-brace and cane) SH: Hojo, you back-stabbing little gutless wonder, you think you and your new partner put me away for good, and some of my doctors are trying to tell me you succeeded, but they and you are WRONG! I've got nearly two weeks to get in shape before the Royal Rumble, and I promise you Hojo, I'll be there and ready, Dec 28th. And when I'm through with you, you'll be running back to Japan with your tail between your legs like the cowardly dog I always knew you were. And Shogun, if you get in the way, I'll just have to show you the door, too.....THE HARDWAY. [end tape] [roll tape] (Hojo Tojomoto is outside the locker room with Green Jean Oktoberfest) GJO: So, tell us Mr. Tojomoto, what do you have to say in reply to Sgt. Hardways comments. Hojo: Hardway, you are fool. How do you think you can beat me? You are slow, like tortoise. I will run rings around you, like hare. You have no skill, no technique, you are simple street-brawler. I am master of no less than five martial arts. And worst of all Hardway, you are SOFT. You are a whining, overfed, American PIG and I will butcher you like swine you are, if you challenge me in the ring. GJO: With your new tag-team partner, the Shogun, helping out, no doubt... Hojo: I need no help to beat this clumsy fool, if he crosses me again, he may be in hospital for good. And you too, Miss Reporter-lady, maybe you watch your back. The Angel of Death may not like your attitude or comments on her friends. GJO: If she wants, she knows where she can talk to me about them. The same place YOU'LL have to face Sgt. Hardway, in the ring. Back to you, Baboon!" [end tape] Baboon: "I don't know about that... but I'm sure of one thing... we're going to see some good action here tonight! Now, let's go down to ringside and our ring announcer, Coward Pickle!" Coward: "Ladies and gentlemen... earlier this evening, a champonship pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey tournament was held to determine entering order. Now.. introducing #1: From the UeWF.... Hojo Tojomoto!" Simon: "Look at him, Baboon and Jimmy... he doesn't have a shot! He's got to go through 39 others to win... he won't make it!" Baboon: "I don't know, Simon... Hojo Tojomoto is an experienced wrestler... Let's see who #2 is..." Coward: "And now... drawing #2... Volk Svagen!" Baboon: "So, Volk Svagen and Hojo Tojomoto will battle it out for the first minute, one on one!" Jimmy: "And Coward runs out of the ring, as Volk runs to the ring and begins attacking Hojo!" Baboon: "Volk Svagen gives Hojo Tojomoto a bodyslam... and a second... and a third!" Jimmy: "Volk lifts him up again, in a press position... he's going to toss him out like a sack of potatoes!" Baboon: "But his back gives out! Hojo lands on top of Volk Svagen.... He picks him off the mat... whips him to the ropes..." Jimmy: "And dropkicks Volk Svagen over the top rope and out to the floor!" Baboon: "And only about one minute into the match, Hojo is standing all alone in the ring..." Jimmy: "And this is good for Hojomoto.. he gets to rest until #3 comes out..." Simon: "And look at that Volk guy... he's complaining to the rent-a-cops at ringside about Hojo's move... they'll escort him back to the dressing rooms." Baboon: "And there goes the bell... here comes #3.. it's the Masked Enigma.." Jimmy: "He and Tojomoto duke it out in the center of the ring, and Hojo forces Enigma back into the corner and tries to wear him down..." Baboon: "And there's the bell again for #4... I don't know about that one, Simon... who's timing these bells? That one seemed a little fast..." Simon: "I have the button over here... we have to get this going... I have things to do, and people to see...." Baboon: "Give me a break! As long as you keep it fair... And here's #4, Photon Torpedo!" Jimmy: "Photon goes over to mess with Masked Enigma, and Hojo Tojomoto is just standing in the corner!" Simon: "What a goof! He doesn't even know what to do!" Baboon: "Whoah! Masked Enigma just put Photon Torpedo out with a big clothesline! He's hit from behind from Hojo Tojomoto when he was looking out after him.. and he goes over too! We're back to only Hojo Tojomoto in the ring!" Jimmy: "What a move by Tojomoto! He saw when his two opponents were weak, and put them right over! Guess he showed you that he knew what he was doing, eh Simon?" Baboon: "And there does the bell again... #5 is S. Modeus!" Jimmy: "He and Hojo Tojomoto tangle together in the middle of the ring... Hojo forces S. Modeus into the corner, where he begins slapping him around... And he whips him to the opposite corner... There's the bell again..." Baboon: "#6 is Kendo 'The Katana' Masamone... who immediately goes after Hojo Tojomoto, and gets help from S. Modeus in delivering a double clothesline. Hojo looks worn out now.... he doesn't seem to be able to last much longer... S. Modeus and Masamone hammer away in the back corner of the ring..." Jimmy: "And here comes #7, Erik, from the WeWF Hoosiers!" Baboon: "Erik attacks Hojo Tojomoto as S. Modeus and Kendo 'The Katana' Masamone hammer at each other..." Jimmy: "Hojo drops Erik to the mat! I can't believe he's still going!" Baboon: "Powerhouse Pruitt from the UFWS is coming in as #8..." Jimmy: "And Erik dumps Hojo Tojomoto out over the top and to the floor with a big right forearm to the chest!" Baboon: "Which leaves Modeus and Masamone wearing each other down in the corner, and Erik now turning his attention to Powerhouse Pruitt." Jimmy: "Powerhouse Pruitt is laying some big blows on Erik... and goes over and deals some to Modeus and Masamone too! He's attacking everything in sight!" Baboon: "There's the bell... and Gentleman Jim Nice comes in at #9.." Jimmy: "And he joins Erik in fighting Powerhouse Pruitt... Simon... you're not saying much... you still alive over there?" Simon: "Just over here shining my - er - the winner's trophy...." Baboon: "And Powerhouse Pruitt puts out Erik to the floor! He was double teamed and he STILL put one of them out!" Jimmy: "And here comes #10... The Anzac from the WeWF! And Gentleman Jim Nice puts out Powerhouse Pruitt! It looked like Pruitt laid such a big blow on Erik that he was off-balance and was easy pickings for Nice..." Baboon: "The Anzac separates Modeus and Masamone, and begins hammering on S. Modeus... Gentleman Jim Nice peels Kendo 'The Katana' Masamone out of the corner, and gives him a couple of big bodyslams..." Jimmy: "S. Modeus comes up with a big drop, catching The Anzac coming off the ropes, and puts The Anzac out to the arena floor! We're down to 3 again..." Baboon: "It's back to 4, as #11 comes in, Freddie 'Dr. Feelgood' Fitness! He dukes it out with Gentleman Jim Nice... and S. Modeus picks up The Katana and tosses him over the top rope and down to the floor!" Jimmy: "I'm suprised The Katana survived that long... he took some big hits from Gentleman Jim Nice..." Baboon: "And Jim Nice gets headbutted by Freddie Fitness, and almost goes over the top! S. Modeus tangles up with Fitness, and Gentleman Jim Nice is able to recover!" Jimmy: "That was a close one... what do you think, Simon?" Simon: "Huh? Wha?" Baboon: "Go back to your own world, Simon... and here comes #12, Fury!" Jimmy: "Fury runs in and deals Gentleman Jim Nice a big atomic drop, propelling Nice into the corner... Fitness intercepts Fury as he' to run in the corner... They tangle up... meanwhile S. Modeus brings Nice out of the corner for some chops across the chest..." Baboon: "Big #13 is Sandman, from the UFWS!" Jimmy: "And S. Modeus puts Gentleman Jim Nice out of the ring! We're down to 4! And S. Modeus runs over and puts both Freddie 'Dr. Feelgood' Fitness and Fury out over the top while they were up against the ropes jockeying for position! But he himself is put out by the Sandman in a big move! But S. Modeus brings Sandman with him!!!" Baboon: "Wow! That WAS a big move... and now we're suddenly faced with noone in the ring for 28 seconds!" Simon: "Now's the time to hit the fridge and hit the can, all you potatoes keeping score at home..." Jimmy: "Well, I hate to disappoint you, Simon, but there's no time for that, as Sgt. Hardway is #14, and is suprised to find the ring empty. He warms up in the corner while he waits..." Baboon: "And now here's #15, Mr. B!" Jimmy: "The crowd's shouting 'B! B! B!' as he circles Hardway, looking for an opening... and they lock up.." Baboon: "Mr. B. gets in a few knees to the stomach, and the bell goes off for #16... The Romulan Mauler... That bell might have been a little early, Simon..." Simon: "I didn't want them to get lonely in there... all by their twosome..." Baboon: "Mr. B is getting hammered by both Hardway and the Mauler in the corner... he looks like he's taking some serious punishment..." Jimmy: "Here comes #17, The Grim Reaper!" Baboon: "The Reaper pulls Hardway out of the corner and begins working him over with some chops to the chest... and Mr. B is now beginning to fight back against the Mauler..." Jimmy: "Hardway almost goes over after a big chop by The Grim Reaper, but is able to keep on the right side of the top rope!" Baboon: "#18 is Johnny B. Cool... he runs in and saves Hardway from almost certain elimination.." Jimmy: "There's 5 people in the ring now... Johnny B. Cool is laying some big blows on The Grim Reaper..." Baboon: "And The Romulan Mauler and Sgt. Hardway give Mr. B a big double drop- kick!" Jimmy: "Here's #19, from the UEWF, Despair!" Baboon: "Despair saves Mr. B by axe-handling the Mauler from behind... Mr. B follows it up by cross-chopping at the Mauler's throat..." Jimmy: "The Grim Reaper and Johnny B. Cool are still trading blows back and forth... that has to be wearing them down..." Baboon: "There's the bell again... #20 is Warren Hammer!" Simon: "Halfway through the numbers..." Baboon: "Warren Hammer joins Sgt. Hardway in the corner as they are giving some big knees in the stomach of Mr. B..." Jimmy: "Mr. B looks like he's really in trouble now..." Simon: "You forget... Mr. B ALWAYS looks like he's in trouble!" Baboon: "#21 is the Sandman, from the WeWF!" Jimmy: "Sandman graps Johnny B. Cool by the hair and tosses him in the corner, tries to follow him in with an elbow, but misses!" Baboon: "But the Grim Reaper connects with Johnny B. Cool with a dropkick.." Jimmy: "Next in the ring is #22, "Crusher" Cootus!" Baboon: "Whoah! The Grim Reaper and Sandman whip Johnny B. Cool to the ropes, but Crusher Cootus is in the way, and catches one of Johnny's forearms in the chest, and goes sprawling over the top rope! He just got in and now he's gone!" Simon: "Moron didn't belong in this contest anyways..." Jimmy: "And Mr. B suprisingly puts out Despair with a back body drop as Despair was coming at him for a clothesline!" Baboon: "And Sandman is put out by Johnny B. Cool by a big press slam!" Jimmy: "After a while of no action, there's suddenly a bunch of eliminations, with 22 of the 40 contestants already have made that trip down the aisle.. And Warren Hammer puts Sgt. Hardway out with a forearm to the back! We're Down to 4 men in the ring!" Baboon: "Metallicus is #23..." Jimmy: "And he immediately begins working over Mr. B..." Baboon: "The Romulan Mauler and The Grim Reaper have temporarily turned their attention on Warren Hammer... Seeing those two men working together against someone is enough to keep me out of werestling..." Jimmy: "#24 is Rick "Tower" Shield... He comes in with a sneer on his face.." Baboon: "He grabs Metallicus by the hair and towwes him into the turnbuckle, or rather OVER the turnbuckle and clear out to the third row of seats!" Jimmy: "WOW! With a move like that, doesn't that mean that Metallicus is eliminated from the next 3 Royal Rumbles too?" Baboon: "I don't know about that, but what I do know is Mr. B has come back and is now giving The Grim Reaper a big work over... and The Reaper goes out! Mr. B amazingly comes back to eliminate the Reaper!" Jimmy: "He doesn't get to rest for long, though, as The Romulan Mauler is quick to get on Mr. B, and #25 comes out, B. L. Zebub from the UFWS!" Baboon: "He comes in and starts working on Rick Shield... And the Romulan Mauler eliminates Warren Hammer with a reverse kick while he was still punching away at Mr. B! I haven't seen skill like that in years!" Jimmy: "I agree, Baboon... to deal out that punishment to Mr. B and still put out over the top rope with a single kick without losing balance..." Baboon: "And Rick Shield puts out B. L. Zebub with an atomic drop! The Romulan Mauler is quick to advance on Rick "Tower" Shield..." Jimmy: "And he gets eliminated! Shield steps out of the way and the Mauler's own momentum eliminates himself!" Baboon: "But Mr. B deals a forearm to Rick Shield's back, which causes him to go over the top rope!" Jimmy: "Another big series of eliminations at this point in the match.... and it continues! Johnny B. Cool eliminates Mr. B with a powerful dropkick!" Baboon: "That was a big elimination... Mr. B was beginning to get momentum back..." Jimmy: "But now we're left with only Johnny B. Cool in the ring!" Baboon: "But #26 is already on his way down the aisle... it's Action Man, from the WeWF!" Jimmy: "Action Man is quick to get the advantage with a couple kicks to the stomach... Johnny's been in there a long time, Baboon..." Baboon: "That's right... Simon, who else do we have to look forward to?" Simon: "Well, that geek The General hasn't entered yet, nor has either of those stupid Klingons..." Jimmy: "Which could work to their advantage... not only that they have a late numbers, but also that they may very well be in there together as a team..." Baboon: "And #27 joins Action Man and Johnny B. Cool in the ring... it's Daemon from WeWF's Hoosiers!" Jimmy: "Action Man and Daemon are now dealing big blows to Johnny's head..." Baboon: "But Johnny comes back with a dropkick to daemon! And a bodyslam to Action Man!" Jimmy: "There's the bell for #28... it's The General!" Baboon: "This will be a huge advantage for Daemon, as the General is also the Hoosier's manager!" Simon: "Maybe that's why they've become known as the Loser Hoosiers..." Baboon: "Well they're obviously not losing now, as Daemon and the General apply a number of bodyslams and splashes on Action Man and Johnny B. Cool..." Jimmy: "Here's #29... it's The Executioner!" Baboon: "And The General and Daemon easily toss Action Man over the top rope!" Jimmy: "The Executioner is able to separate The General and Daemon, as he begins chopping at Daemon's neck, and the General deals a clothesline to Johnny B. Cool..." Baboon: "The Shogun, from the WeWF is #30..." Jimmy: "And the Executioner eliminates Daemon! The General is hot! He runs across the ring and showers The Executioner with blows!" Baboon: "Johnny Granite enters as #31... he comes in and right away flips Johnny B. Cool over the ropes!" Jimmy: "Johnny B. Cool was able to stay in for a long time, but he was just too worn out to survive among all the fresh people in the ring..." Baboon: "And the General eliminates The Executioner!" Jimmy: "Guess that shows everyone not to fool with any of his men!" Simon: "Bah Humbug..." Baboon: "But while The General is taunting The Executioner, The Shogun puts him out!" Jimmy: "The General and The Executioner fight all the way back to the dressing rooms!" Baboon: "Cannonball Calhoun, from the UFWS, is #32!" Jimmy: "So now, left in the ring, we have Johnny Granite and the Shogun, who are double teaming the newly arrived Cannonball with double boots to the head.." Baboon: "Looks like they've allied together to eliminate Cannonball.. but no.. Granite headbutts the Shogun, and he looks like he knocked him out!" Simon: "Always knew Granite only had rocks in his head..." Baboon: "You may be right, Simon... Shogun is NOT moving at all!" Jimmy: "The rent-a-cops at ringside drag him out of the ring and stretcher him out from the ring area... he hasn't moved since Granite got him with that head butt..." Baboon: "And #33, Plague Dog from the UFWS joins them in the ring.." Jimmy: "He sees Granite, and doesn't want any part of him... he goes right for Cannonball Calhoun..." Baboon: "He probably saw what Granite just did with that headbutt..." Jimmy: "Looks like Granite's taking a coffee break.. he's just sitting on the turnbuckle, watching Cannonball and Plague Dog go at it!" Baboon: "Well, he'll have to get back in the match now... John Girder is #34!" Jimmy: "And John Girder goes after Plague Dog, leaving Cannonball Calhoun to take on Johnny Granite.." Baboon: "There's fists and forearms flying all around the ring from both groups of wrestlers..." Jimmy: "Here's #35, Baron Von Klaw, from the UFWS..." Baboon: "And I don't know how it happened, but Johnny Granite has been eliminated!" Jimmy: "I think he got too close to Cannonball Calhoun, and Cannonball just lifted up Granite's legs and flipped him over his shoulder and out of the ring..." Baboon: "Well, nonetheless, that leaves Calhoun, Plague Dog, Girder, and Klaw, with only 5 more men to enter the ring!" Jimmy: "This is when the eliminations become more critical... It's hard to survive though all 40, but to survive through only 5 or so is no big strain..." Baboon: "You should ask Plague Dog that one, as he's getting pummeled by both John Girder and Baron Von Klaw... And here's #36, Brimstone Baxter, who locks up with Cannonball Calhoun..." Jimmy: "Cannonball seems to be getting the upper hand... he's been in for a while now.. I'm suprised he's not tired..." Baboon: "Plague Dog fights his way out of the corner with a reverse atomic drop to John Girder, and begins hammering Baron Von Klaw.." Jimmy: "And Tom "The Animal" Brown enters as #37..." Baboon: "He forearms Cannonball Calhoun from behind... that stopped Cannonball pretty quick..." Jimmy: "Now Brown and Baxter are working Cannonball over in the corner..." Baboon: "Plague Dog joins them all in the corner, making a huge mass of people over there in that one corner..." Jimmy: "#38, Lord Plunder enters the ring.. you know what that means!" Baboon: "Both the Klingons will be the final two into the ring!" Simon: "I always knew Klingons were better than the other races at pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey..." Jimmy: "And Plague dog whips Brimstone baxter across the ring, and he hits the turnbuckle and flips over the rope! He7s outta there!" Baboon: "The Animal and Lord Plunder flip John Girder out of the ring!" Jimmy: "And that brings us down to Cannonball Calhoun, Tom Brown, Plague Dog, Baron Von Klaw, Lord Plunder, and the now entering #39, Klingon Disrupter, from the WeWF!" Baboon: "Cannonball Calhoun splashes Baron Von Klaw! He peels him off the mat and flies him over the ropes like he was a sheet of paper!" Jimmy: "Klingon Disrupter runs in, and presses Tom "The Animal" Brown out of the ring!" Baboon: "Klingon Disrupter is going wild! He grabs Lord Plunder by the tights, and tosses him out like a piece of garbage! This man - er - Klingon is on fire!" Jimmy: "But Cannonball Calhoun gets him with an axehandle from behind and puts him out!" Baboon: "There went a MAJOR advantage for the Klingons... no longer can they work together in the match!" Jimmy: "And here's #40... Klingon Phaser from the WeWF!" baboon: "So we're down to 3... Klingon Phaser, Plague Dog, and Cannonball Calhoun!" Jimmy: "Cannonball Calhoun eyes Plague Dog... and charges at him..." Baboon: "But he misses! Klingon Phaser lowers the top rope and Cannonball backflips over it! He's outta here!" Jimmy: "And now it's down to Klingon Phaser and Plague Dog! The Klingon wastes no time, giving Plague Dog a number of hacks to the chest area.... Plague Dog looks hurt... he came on at #33, and hasn't exactly gotten the best treatment..." Baboon: "Exactly, Jimmy... it should be only a matter of time... and there he goes! Klingon Phaser gave him a sharp punch to the head, and Phase Dog went flying..." Coward Pickle: "Here is the winner... of the Royal Rumble... KLINGON PHASER!" Baboon: "Simon Bolendorf is down at ringside to hand the Klingon his "trophy"... he doesn't look to happy to be standing next to th Klingon...." Jimmy: "Klingon Phaser decks him in the noggin! The trophy goes flying! What, was Simon #41??" Baboon: "I don't know, but Klingon Phaser has won the Royal Rumble! That's about it for tonight, so for myself, Jimmy Vendetta, and the now stretchered Simon Bolendorf, have a great night, and stay tuned for more Summit of Wrestling action!" ************************************************************************** Lord: "Thank you gentlemen! Well, it's a great victory for the Trekkies; let's see if they can repeat tomorrow at the Von Erich/Freebird Memorial six-man tag-team tournament! Also scheduled for tomorrow, a match between Simon Bolendorf and Admiral Chekov, and a tangle between The Klingons and the Dangerous Emotions! So until then, this is Lord Winfred Vague, signing off. Good night!" Up