EEFL Session C, Tasman Division From: wickart@ichips.intel.com (Bill 'Prune' Wickart) Date: Sat, 21 Dec 1991 01:42:17 +0000 EXPERIMENTAL ELECTRONIC FOOTBALL LEAGUE TASMAN DIVISION SESSION C TABLE Team Pts W D L GF:GA CP TP Cash ----------------------------------------------------------------- Linlithgow Strollers 14 6 2 1 12: 5 4.0 4 $ 634K Novocastrian Gunners 13 6 1 2 8: 5 3.0 3 $ 557K Holland Club Irregulars 12 6 0 3 16: 8 3.0 4 $ 586K d-ERANGE-d d-EFAULT 11 3 5 1 6: 3 3.0 3 $ 592K 5.FC Gweedore Emeralds 10 4 2 3 10: 9 3.0 3 $ 564K Christch. Candy Crunch. 8 3 2 4 9:10 3.0 4 $ 485K Casteddu 8 2 4 3 7: 7 5.0 3 $ 613K Canberra Capitals 8 2 4 3 4: 7 3.0 5 $ 565K Tasmania Tigers 7 3 1 5 3:10 3.0 4 $ 493K Sned City A.F.C. 7 2 3 4 5: 5 6.0 7 $ 611K Theor. Flying Phys'sts 6 1 4 4 3: 7 3.0 4 $ 521K Vikings of Denmark 4 0 4 5 4:11 3.0 3 $ 449K ----------------------------------------------------------------- MVP bonus: NG, LLS, HCI NMR: none We had three perfect records this session, and former leader Casteddu got a big goose-egg. The Tigers more than doubled their point total with a pair of wins. I expect to see things shake up a bit more, now that the apprentices are getting used to the league. Those of you at the bottom, don't despair. Those of you at the top, watch out. A fast start built on early sins begins to crumble about now. Roster changes: none ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Errors and fines: CBC: 25K: Tried to use a center with only 2 players in the area CCC: 5K: Forgot "CP" and "TP" at start of line CDU: 10K: Tried to coach or train a player twice in a session GE5: 10K: Used wrong first initial for a player LLS: 10K: Put special characteristics into the orders 10K: Put spaces before *all* the colons 10K: Put a period after "end" SCA: 10K: Forgot "orders:" free: Tried to coach or train an ineligible player TFP: 10K: Tried to coach or train a player twice in a session VDK: 10K: Forgot a space in a name ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 7 TFP at NG 0 - 1 (0 - 7) GK S. Weinberg (0:0 0 0) GK D. Seaman (0:0 0 0) SW S. Glashow (0:0 0 1) SW S. Bould (0:0 0 0) DF E. Hubble (0:0 0 0) DF L. Dixon (0:0 0 0) DF G. Gamow (0:0 0 0) DF T. Dorigo (0:0 0 0) DF V. Weisspkoff (0:0 0 0) (bk) MF A. Eddington (0:0 0 0) MF K. Campbell (0:0 0 0) MF S. Chandrasekhar (0:0 0 0) @ 45 MF A. Limpar (0:3 1 0) MF L. Spitzer (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF M. Thomas (1:1 0 0) MF A. Salam (0:0 0 0) FW M. Planck (0:0 0 0) @ 50 FW I. Rush (0:1 0 0) FW R. Penrose (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW A. Smith (0:0 0 0) @ 75 FW S. Hawkings (0:0 0 0) FW P. Merson (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW J. Aldridge (0:2 0 0) UT K. Thorne (0:0 0 2) UT D. Platt (0:0 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 7 SCA at GE5 1 - 2 (13 - 5) GK W. Gribble (0:0 0 0) GK C. Kinsale (0:0 0 3) SW M. Willcock (0:0 0 0) SW P. Newport (0:0 0 1) SW M. Lowe (0:0 0 1) DF E. Yates (0:1 0 0) DF P. Roscommon (0:0 0 0) (sub) DF A. Smith (0:0 0 0) DF K. Ardara (0:0 0 0) DF G. Mayo (0:0 0 2) DF T. Carrick (0:0 0 0) @86 MF D. Tully (0:2 0 0) MF O. Tuam (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF G. DSouza (1:2 0 0) MF N. Omagh (0:0 0 0) @ 22 MF E. Omagh (0:0 0 0) MF M. Omagh (0:0 0 0) FW B. Loper (0:3 0 0) FW N. Ennis (1:2 1 0) FW G. Travers (0:3 0 0) FW P. Ballymoney (1:3 0 0) FW G. Cameron (0:0 0 0) FW L. Clannad (0:0 0 0) UT M. Brown (0:2 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 7 CDU at TT 0 - 1 (2 - 11) GK R. Barocco (0:0 0 3) GK B. Waters (0:0 0 0) SW S. Asili (0:0 0 2) SW T. Adams (0:0 0 0) DF E. Bosco (0:0 0 0) DF R. McDonald (0:0 0 0) DF E. Napoleone (0:0 0 0) @ 60 DF C. Gale (0:1 0 0) DF C. Caponetto (0:0 0 0) DF S. Norris (0:1 0 0) DF A. Dimich (0:1 0 1) (sub) MF L. Sorrentino (0:0 0 0) MF S. Grant (0:0 0 0) MF M. Mincamix (0:0 0 0) (bk) MF L. Brady (0:3 0 0) MF M. Ditta (0:0 0 0) MF M. Thomas (0:1 0 0) MF I. Nicholson (0:1 0 0) FW G. Uovo (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW T. Woodcock (1:3 0 0) FW P. Boassa (0:0 0 0) FW A. Smith (0:1 0 0) FW G. Mckitz (0:0 0 0) FW R. Boassa (0:1 0 0) @ 59 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 7 CCC at HCI 0 - 3 (3 - 11) GK A. Goalie (0:0 0 1) GK D. Sands (0:0 0 0) SW G. Stopper (0:0 0 3) SW C. Boggio (0:0 0 1) DF L. Chopper (0:0 0 0) DF S. Phillips (0:0 0 0) DF B. Back (0:2 0 1) @ 45 DF G. Hattersley (0:0 0 0) DF J. Toogood (0:0 0 0) (sub) DF F. Toobad (0:0 0 1) MF O. Murray (0:0 0 0) MF C. Angus (0:0 0 0) MF B. Player (0:0 0 0) MF M. Harper (0:0 0 0) (RC) @ 20 MF J. Rabbit (0:0 0 0) (bk) MF C. Gilmour (0:1 0 0) MF A. Trier (0:1 0 0) MF C. Hargreaves (0:2 1 0) FW S. Johnston (0:0 0 0) FW C. Knight-Evans (1:1 0 0) FW H. Scorer (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW N. Collier (0:4 0 0) FW W. Shot (0:0 0 0) @ 45 FW A. Draine (2:3 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 7 DED at VDK 0 - 0 (0 - 1) GK E. NOENT (0:0 0 0) GK J. Antonsen (0:0 0 0) SW E. NOTBLK (0:0 0 0) SW I. Nielsen (0:0 0 0) (bk) SW E. WOULDBLOCK (0:0 0 0) DF E. IO (0:0 0 0) DF U. Halvorsen (0:0 0 0) DF E. NXIO (0:0 0 0) DF H. Olesen (0:0 0 0) DF E. BIG (0:0 0 0) @ 45 DF K. Nielsen (0:0 0 0) DF E. CHILD (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF E. NOMEM (0:0 0 1) MF P. Larsen (0:1 0 0) MF E. NOSPC (0:0 0 0) @ 45 MF M. Manniche (0:0 0 0) MF E. BUSY (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF H. Jensen (0:0 0 0) MF M. Bruun (0:0 0 0) FW E. BADF (0:0 0 0) FW U. Pedersen (0:0 0 0) @ 45 FW E. FAULT (0:0 0 0) FW E. Sommer (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW I. Koppen (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW A. Schaepers (0:0 0 0) @60 UT E. XDEV (0:0 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 7 CBC at LLS 0 - 1 (1 - 4) GK J. Gordon (0:0 0 1) GK A. Goram (0:0 0 0) SW I. Gilmore (0:0 0 1) SW D. Grant (0:0 0 0) DF J. Kambah (0:0 0 0) DF A. Barber (0:0 0 1) DF M. Bonython (0:0 0 0) DF G. Stevens (0:0 0 0) DF S. Farrer (0:1 0 0) DF R. Gough (0:0 0 0) DF D. Fadden (0:0 0 0) MF D. Holder (0:0 0 0) MF I. Ferguson (0:0 0 0) MF P. Chifley (0:0 0 0) MF N. Spackman (0:1 0 0) MF S. Curtin (0:0 0 0) MF S. McCall (0:1 1 0) FW S. Downer (0:0 0 0) FW J. Spencer (0:0 0 0) FW I. Kayleen (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW M. Hateley (0:1 0 0) (bk) FW B. Evatt (0:0 0 0) @ 45 FW M. Johnston (1:1 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 8 NG at SCA 1 - 0 (7 - 1) GK J. Olver (0:0 0 0) GK R. Blackburn (0:0 0 1) SW S. Bould (0:0 0 1) SW M. Lowe (0:0 0 0) DF K. Samson (0:1 0 0) DF H. Vanderburg (0:0 0 1) DF T. Dorigo (0:0 0 0) DF A. Smith (0:0 0 0) DF D. O'Leary (0:1 0 0) DF G. Lowe (0:0 0 0) DF P. Champion (0:0 0 0) MF P. Groves (0:0 0 0) @ 62 MF M. Compton (0:0 0 0) MF A. Limpar (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF K. Dixon (0:0 0 0) MF M. Thomas (0:2 0 0) FW I. Wright (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW J. Kerr (0:0 0 0) FW I. Rush (1:3 0 0) FW G. Cameron (0:0 0 0) FW P. Merson (0:0 0 0) FW J. Aldridge (0:0 0 0) @ 60 UT D. Platt (0:0 0 0) UT M. Brown (0:1 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 8 TFP at TT 0 - 1 (2 - 7) GK S. Weinberg (0:0 0 1) GK B. Waters (0:0 0 0) SW L. Boltzman (0:0 0 0) DF A. Lemaitre (0:0 0 0) @ 46 DF S. Stark (0:0 0 0) DF G. Gamow (0:0 0 0) (sub) DF R. McDonald (0:0 0 0) DF H. Bondi (0:0 0 0) DF C. Gale (0:0 0 2) DF V. Weisspkoff (0:0 0 2) MF S. Chandrasekhar (0:1 0 0) MF L. Brady (0:2 0 0) MF L. Spitzer (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF M. Thomas (0:0 1 0) MF H. Bethe (0:1 0 0) @ 45 MF J. Tisch (0:0 0 0) MF H. Alfven (0:0 0 0) FW M. Planck (0:0 0 0) FW T. Woodcock (1:3 0 0) FW J. Wheeler (0:0 0 0) FW A. Smith (0:1 0 0) FW S. Hughson (0:1 0 0) @75 FW A. Head (0:0 0 0) (sub) UT K. Thorne (0:0 0 0) UT M. Johnson (0:0 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 8 GE5 at CCC 1 - 4 (4 - 20) GK E. Maamakeogh (0:0 0 4) GK S. Yashin (0:0 0 0) SW H. Dingle (0:0 0 0) SW G. Stopper (0:0 0 0) DF P. Roscommon (0:1 0 1) DF B. Back (0:2 0 2) DF K. Ardara (0:1 0 1) @ 79 DF J. Toogood (0:1 0 0) DF F. Toobad (0:0 0 0) MF D. Falcarragh (0:1 0 0) MF G. Passer (0:5 0 0) MF O. Tuam (0:0 0 2) MF B. Player (0:1 0 0) MF N. Omagh (0:0 0 0) MF F. Skill (0:1 1 0) MF E. Omagh (0:0 0 0) (RC) @ 15 MF M. Omagh (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW N. Ennis (0:0 1 0) FW H. Scorer (1:4 1 0) FW C. Donegal (1:1 0 0) FW W. Shot (2:2 0 0) FW L. Clannad (0:0 0 0) (bk) FW F. Wing (1:4 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 8 CDU at DED 0 - 2 (3 - 10) GK S. Loddo (0:0 0 1) GK E. PERM (0:0 0 1) SW P. Pala (0:0 0 2) (bk) SW E. WOULDBLOCK (0:0 0 0) DF E. Napoleone (0:0 0 0) (sub) DF E. IO (0:1 0 1) (bk) DF C. Caponetto (0:0 0 2) DF E. BIG (0:0 1 0) DF A. Dimich (0:0 0 0) @ 59 DF E. CHILD (0:0 0 0) DF A. Risalvato (0:0 0 0) DF E. AGAIN (0:0 0 0) MF L. Cocco (0:1 0 0) MF E. NOSPC (1:2 0 1) MF M. Ditta (0:0 0 0) (bk) MF E. BUSY (0:1 0 0) MF L. Aste (0:1 0 0) MF E. ACCES (0:1 0 0) FW G. Matta (0:0 0 0) FW E. FBIG (0:2 0 0) FW P. Boassa (0:0 0 0) FW E. FAULT (1:3 0 0) FW R. Boassa (0:1 0 0) @ 60 UT B. Cortis (0:0 0 0) (sub) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 8 HCI at CBC 3 - 2 (15 - 8) GK D. Sands (0:0 0 3) GK P. Banks (0:0 0 2) SW C. Boggio (0:0 0 0) DF D. Harper (0:0 0 2) DF A. Issacs (0:1 0 2) (RC) @ 50 DF G. Hattersley (0:1 0 0) DF D. Fadden (0:0 0 0) MF K. Graves (0:2 1 0) MF B. Rivett (0:0 0 0) @ 30 MF C. Gilmour (0:2 1 0) MF B. Lyons (0:0 0 0) MF C. Hargreaves (1:2 0 0) MF A. Deakin (0:0 0 0) MF P. Peel (0:2 1 0) MF S. Curtin (0:0 1 0) (sub) FW N. Collier (0:1 0 0) FW S. Downer (0:0 0 0) FW S. Barry (2:3 0 0) FW I. Kayleen (0:1 0 0) FW A. Draine (0:2 0 0) FW B. Evatt (2:4 0 0) FW B. Hall (0:2 1 0) UT S. Civic (0:0 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 8 VDK at LLS 1 - 2 (4 - 3) GK J. Antonsen (0:0 0 0) GK C. Woods (0:0 0 2) SW M. Olsen (0:0 0 0) SW O. Kuznetsov (0:0 0 0) DF H. Olesen (0:0 0 0) DF S. Nisbet (0:0 0 0) DF A. Prebensen (0:0 0 0) DF J. Brown (0:0 0 0) DF S. Berg (0:0 0 1) DF A. Barber (0:0 0 0) MF T. Piechnic (1:1 0 0) MF A. Mchenko (0:0 0 0) MF P. Larsen (0:0 0 0) @ 60 MF N. Spackman (0:0 0 0) MF H. Jensen (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF T. Steven (0:1 0 0) FW E. Sommer (0:1 0 0) FW G. Mcswegan (0:0 0 0) FW A. Schaepers (0:1 0 0) FW A. McCoist (1:1 0 0) FW K. Gaba (0:1 0 0) UT N. Nielsson (0:0 0 0) UT J. Shaw (1:1 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 9 TT at NG 0 - 1 (4 - 6) GK T. Eldershaw (0:0 0 1) GK D. Seaman (0:0 0 0) SW T. Adams (0:0 0 0) SW T. Adams (0:0 0 0) DF S. Stark (0:0 0 0) DF N. Winterbottom (0:0 0 0) DF S. Norris (0:0 0 0) DF K. Samson (0:0 0 1) DF S. Carnaby (0:0 0 0) @ 80 DF D. O'Leary (0:0 0 0) MF S. Grant (0:0 0 0) (bk) @ 75 MF K. Campbell (0:1 0 0) MF M. Thomas (0:1 0 0) (sub) MF D. Roadcastle (0:1 1 0) MF I. Nicholson (0:1 0 0) MF A. Limpar (0:0 0 0) @ 60 MF J. Tisch (0:1 0 0) MF M. Thomas (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW G. Rix (0:1 0 0) FW I. Wright (0:0 0 0) FW S. Hughson (0:0 0 0) FW A. Smith (1:3 0 0) @ 75 FW A. Head (0:0 0 0) FW P. Merson (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW J. Aldridge (0:1 0 0) UT M. Johnson (0:0 0 0) (sub) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 9 CCC at SCA 0 - 2 (1 - 5) 1pen GK A. Goalie (0:0 0 2) GK W. Gribble (0:0 0 1) SW M. Willcock (0:0 0 0) DF L. Chopper (0:0 0 0) DF E. Yates (0:1 0 0) DF G. Learner (0:0 0 0) (bk) DF H. Vanderburg (0:1 0 0) DF B. Back (0:0 0 1) DF P. Champion (0:0 0 0) MF O. Murray (0:0 0 0) MF M. Compton (0:0 0 0) MF G. Passer (0:0 0 0) @ 45 MF A. White (0:0 0 0) MF F. Skill (0:1 0 0) (sub) MF G. DSouza (1:1 0 0) MF J. Rabbit (0:0 0 0) MF A. Trier (0:0 0 0) FW S. Johnston (0:0 0 0) @ 6 FW B. Loper (1:3 0 0) FW F. Wing (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW J. Kerr (0:0 0 0) FW M. Blaster (0:0 0 0) FW G. Travers (0:0 0 0) UT W. Wally (0:0 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 9 DED at TFP 1 - 1 (5 - 2) GK E. PERM (0:0 0 1) GK A. Einstein (0:0 0 1) SW E. NOTBLK (0:0 0 0) SW S. Glashow (0:0 0 1) DF E. NXIO (0:0 0 0) DF E. Hubble (0:0 0 0) DF E. BIG (0:0 0 0) @ 60 DF A. Lemaitre (0:0 0 1) DF E. CHILD (0:0 0 0) (sub) DF H. Bondi (0:0 0 0) DF E. AGAIN (0:1 0 0) MF E. NOMEM (0:1 0 0) MF A. Eddington (0:0 0 0) MF E. NOSPC (0:0 0 0) @ 45 MF H. Bethe (1:2 0 0) MF E. BUSY (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF H. Shapley (0:0 0 0) MF E. ACCES (0:2 0 0) FW E. BADF (1:1 0 0) FW R. Penrose (0:0 1 0) FW E. FBIG (0:0 0 0) FW J. Wheeler (0:0 0 0) FW S. Hawkings (0:0 0 0) UT E. XDEV (0:0 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 9 CBC at GE5 0 - 0 (15 - 2) GK J. Gordon (0:0 0 0) GK C. Kinsale (0:0 0 2) SW I. Gilmore (0:0 0 0) SW H. Dingle (0:0 0 0) DF J. Kambah (0:0 0 0) @ 18 DF P. Roscommon (0:0 0 0) @ 45 DF A. Issacs (0:2 0 1) DF G. Mayo (0:0 0 3) DF D. Fadden (0:0 0 0) (bk) (sub) DF D. Carrauntoohil (0:0 0 2) MF B. Lyons (0:0 0 0) MF D. Falcarragh (0:2 0 0) MF A. Deakin (0:1 0 0) @ 79 MF O. Tuam (0:0 0 0) MF P. Chifley (0:1 0 0) MF E. Omagh (0:0 0 0) @ 45 MF M. Omagh (0:0 0 0) FW S. Downer (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW P. Ballymoney (0:0 0 0) FW I. Kayleen (0:2 0 0) @ 45 FW C. Donegal (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW B. Evatt (0:3 0 0) FW P. Bhraonain (0:0 0 0) FW B. Hall (0:3 0 0) UT S. Civic (0:3 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 9 LLS at CDU 3 - 2 (7 - 7) GK C. Woods (0:0 0 0) GK S. Loddo (0:0 0 1) SW O. Kuznetsov (0:0 0 0) SW P. Pala (0:0 0 0) DF G. Stevens (0:0 0 1) DF E. Napoleone (0:0 0 1) DF R. Gough (0:0 0 1) DF A. Dimich (0:1 0 0) DF A. Risalvato (0:0 0 0) MF A. Mchenko (1:1 0 0) MF L. Sorrentino (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF T. Steven (1:1 0 0) MF M. Mincamix (0:1 1 0) MF S. McCall (0:0 0 0) MF L. Cocco (1:2 0 0) MF L. Aste (0:0 0 0) @60 FW M. Hateley (1:1 1 0) FW G. Matta (1:2 1 0) FW A. McCoist (0:2 0 0) FW G. Mckitz (0:0 0 0) FW M. Johnston (0:2 1 0) FW R. Boassa (0:1 0 0) UT J. Shaw (0:0 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 9 VDK at HCI 2 - 4 (6 - 9) 1pen GK O. Bukstad (0:0 0 2) GK P. Bradley (0:0 0 0) SW M. Olsen (0:0 0 0) DF U. Halvorsen (0:0 0 1) DF N. Leonard (0:0 0 0) DF K. Nielsen (0:0 0 0) DF H. Patel (0:0 0 0) DF S. Berg (0:0 1 1) DF D. Harper (0:2 0 0) MF M. Manniche (0:1 0 0) MF C. Angus (0:0 0 0) MF H. Jensen (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF K. Graves (1:1 1 0) MF M. Bruun (0:1 0 0) MF P. Peel (0:1 0 0) MF L. Stephansen (0:0 0 0) @ 45 FW U. Pedersen (1:2 0 0) FW L. Davies (0:1 0 0) FW I. Koppen (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW C. Knight-Evans (0:0 1 0) FW K. Gaba (1:2 0 0) FW S. Barry (3:4 0 0) UT N. Nielsson (0:1 0 0) @ 60 UT B. Woods (0:0 1 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ CBC: Coach Daley Laurie had a number of problems on his mind during the last session. First manager Nick Guoth wanted to change the team after just one session and commenced talks with a player from the Adelaide team who was obviously unhappy with the sediment he was getting in his Coopers Ale. Next, he had to put up with a d-eranged spectator called Wally King, who for no reason at all attacked him head on and drove poor Daley back 20 yards. Rumors had it that his hamstring had gone once again. The Capitals camp were relieved to here that it was his trick hamstring (you know the left one, or is that right; well, wherever the bandage is). Anyway, Daley had on hand big Geyer Mark, who dispatched Mr King back to the assylum with the odd elbow or two. Laurie stated that he would have a Hot Toddy and a Brick with Two Eyes guarding him in the return match at the Big Mal Superdome. Probably, the main reason why the fans went after Laurie was that the CBC management, in their wisdom, had decided to use a Shinook helicopter to ferry the players from over the State line to the ground. Except for some minor damage to the rotors, the chopper was able to e-nter and e-scape from the ground. Mind you landing in the dome was most of the fun. The third and probably most distressing event that happened was a raid by the DEA on rumors that some players were drinking excessive cups of coffee before each match. The game against the Tigers was held up for an hour whilst the results were coming through. The results on coffee consumption proved to be negative. We were happy that they didn't test for steroids, marajuana, cocaine, lsd, ddt, h2o and the other stuff we normally use. On a happier note, our stocks of Budweiser were supplemented whilst on our trip to play the Physicists. We were glad that a number of the TFP players were studying their computer outputs during the match and not concentrating on their play. In our match against the d-eranged, the shinook refused to land anywhere except over the state line, so no XXXX this time. Fortunately, we still had plenty of stocks left of the plane load of Cascade, the Tigers brought with them for the after match function. The next three matches have us playing in Scotland and Ireland whilst hosting the English. Plans are afoot to send over plenty of stocks of Fosters, etc with us as our opponents have a want for other stuff like Guiness and something called whiskey which is served in riduculous small glasses. Finally, congratulations go to Iain Kayleen who now tops the goalscoring with two, two more than anyone else. Nick Guoth, the management and players of the Canberra Capitals would like to wish all other Managers, Coaches, Players, Tea Ladys, Wash Room Attendants, Cleaners, Gardeners and Hot Dog Sellers (did I leave anyone out) all compliments of the season and a happy and prosperous New Year (except when your playing us). CCC: "Gutted, Bryan, gutted," is how "Big" Al Murray described his feelings after the poor showing by the Candy Crunchers in the second series of EEFL games. "I warned those pansies after the first three games that there was still a long way to go before the season ended and when I heard them breaking into "We are the champions" on the plane on the way home from the game against the Tasmainia Tigers I knew we were in trouble." That game ended in a 0-0 draw. The next game saw the Crunchers up against d-ERANGE-d d-EFAULT which ended in a 1-0 loss. "I wasn't too worried by this result. We had a hell of a time getting to their ground and the lads were pretty exhausted by the time they took the field. The trauma of seeing the plane dismantled before their eyes must have also had some effect on their on field effort as the thought of having to spend the night in that God-forsaken hole must have been preying on their minds. Then to top it all off that blasted lemming of theirs got out of its cage and dammed near took my foot off. I warned their manager not to try and bring that rodent to Christchurch as we'll make sure the little blighter doesn't make the return journey." "Big" Al missed the home game against Linlithgow Strollers as he was still receiving hospital treatment for his rodent bite. The team was left in the capable hands of his head coach Uncle Tom Cobblers but really didn't perform up to expectations. According to Mr Cobblers it was one of those off days that all teams have at some time or another. "Big" Al, however, was more forthcoming. "You can see by the number of TP and CP we have built up so far this season that these lads are not putting in enough effort on the training field. Ever since they started getting their photos in the paper they've been poncing around in night clubs till all hours and showing up for training in some horrible states. I've warned them that if the results don't start to improve I'll give the whole lot of them to Oxfam and start with a fresh team." The Crunchers ran into more trouble when their fans went berserk after the disappointing showing against Linlithgow Strollers. They've been blamed for a rash of fires in and around the Grizz Wyllie stadium shortly after the game and police are still searching for some connection between them and the mysterious avalanche that occurred on Mt Cook over the weekend which changed the shape of Australasia's highest mountain and shaved three or four metres off the summit. Christchurch police commissioner, Mr A. Worried-Man, said, "We view this as a particularily serious attack on one of our natinal heritages. What makes it worse is that a team of cartographers have spent years producing an up-to-date releif map of New Zealand and now their efforts have been destroyed by a gang of mindless hooligans. We have extracted a good behaviour bond from the management of Christchurch Candy Crunchers and have warned them that if there is any further trouble we will have no option but to ban them from our city." "Big" Al replied that the behaviour of some of the fans was indeed a worry. "We are doing all we can to weed out the trouble-making element and turn our home games into the family affairs we want them to be. One of the steps we have taken is to cancel the contract of our pre-match band - 'Dead Pigs on Acid' - and replace them with the softer and more mellow tones of 'Mark and the Marshmellows'. Hopefully they will be able to provide pleasant warmup music without getting the fans too aroused. We want to keep all our violence on the field." CDU: --------------------Who Knew We had a Football Team?!? ---------------- by Jonathan Livingston Who knew that our own small metropolis, known to others as Casteddu, actually had a football team in the prestigious league known as the EEFL? Your humble servant, Jonathan Livingston, discovered this fact just some days ago after two sessions had already been played this season. Your majesty, myself, was reading the New York Times just two days ago and found an article stating that this great city of ours which, humbly said, is not only grandiouse but also beautiful to live and die in. Well enough with myself and lets talk about the team. From this newspaper stated above, nothing great as far as newspaper go, I found out that our own home team is doing quite well in the standings, actually taking first place along some other Strollers of some weird kind. So I decided to act on this whim of brilliance and go down to their field and talk to the head coach, Enzo Tortura. As I arrived at the stadium, which this illuminated writer did not even know it existed, I was greeted by a beautiful and muscular guard that told me to wait until Tortura had finished the morning practice. I finally got to talk to Enzo at approximately 7:00 PM. Me- So, Mr. Tortura, have you ever heard of me, the great and marvelous and rather good newspaper column writer for the Jonathan Livingston Meets Casteddu Post. ET- No!! What do you want? And how did you find this secret entrance to our Dungeo..ehr... I mean practice field? Me- Well thank you!! You know I always thought I was great but now I know for sure. Anyways, tell me about this team! How come we are in first place? ET- Because we have been playing great! I think!! Well, actually it is because all of our players are so scared of me that if they lose I will personally beat the living *&%%** out of them. So, therefore, we havent lost one game yet and are thus in first place. Me- What about the next games? ET- Well, the next game is against the Tasmanian Leopards, or something like that, and we will be playing in their home turf. Even though they are in last place, it will still be hard to beat them at home, but then on the other hand, if we don't then some heads are going to roll.... The next game is against the Deranged Defects, or something like that, and we will be playing on their purple grass. This should be a really tough game considering that we share the same type of fans. It is known throughout the league that whenever some of their inmates manage to get paroled, and that is very rare, we usually end up giving them a job and turning them into our fans. Me- And why is that? ET- Well, it is due to our practicing methods. The inmates from that asylum love the new and experimental methods that we use to train our players. Take Rocco Barocco for example, our 6 foot 5 goalie that just two months ago was 4'11 and was a jockey. But thanks to our Medieval Experimental Height Enhancer, we managed to make him into a great goalie. Another great method was used on our midfield general Mincamix. We tried the new Medieval Intelligence and Deformity Enhancer on him, and now he is reading Shakespeare in a regional Swahili dialect spoken only by the Maui tribe of Stockholm. Here he comes now. .....HEY, MINCAMIX HOW ARE YOU Mincamix- Iauuughgh assdfouee fffferinnnewa!!!! ET- You see, he is always speaking in tongues. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! Me- What about the third game? ET- Well, the third game is finally at home against the Lyposuction Strollers, or something like that, which share the lead with us. This should be a great game even though we still have to win at home, but never mind because if we get the same 18,000 people to show up to the game, then we should definately win. That is why we have kept the stadium closed so that none of the fans have left from the last game. Hopefully if we get at least 5000 new people per game for the rest of the home games, we should be able to fill up the 450,000 seat stadium that the city of Casteddu has bought us with illegal drug money. Well, anyways, now get the *&^%%% out of here because I hear the first screams of the cool down after practice. Well, I left this charming man and went back to my great office to write this great article since I am great and also good. See you next time!!!!! EDITORS NOTE-- Anything said in this article by its author does not represent the opinions of the editors the printers or of anybody else in Casteddu for that matter, so please don't get offended. DED: Here at d-ERANGE-d d-OME, the skies are green, and the grass purple. Christchurch's away uniform blended in so well, that they couldn't see their team mates and hence ball movement was minimised. After session B's exciting match at SCA, with 0 shots being taken by both sides, Manager Sargent said the Lemmings would keep up the good work, and bore crowds at all DED away matches. As usual, session C saw matches involving DED, and all matches had small incidents. At the first match in Denmark, Kamikaze, the lemming mascot of DED, dressed brilliantly in red, yellow and blue, the DED team colours, escaped from his padded cage, and found his way into the Royal Palace. Diplomatic embassadors have been sent from sys/errno.h city in an attempt to hold of the expected trade embargo. DED players had there visa's revoked straight after the match and were deported. Rumour has it, that the Queen was found dead, with bite marks from a small animal all over her body. Naturally Kamikaze was escorted back to his cell, washed to get rid of the blood , and smuggled out of Denmark. At the d-OME, rioting spectators from the Assylum next door invaded the pitch scaring Casteddu players. The crowds at the d-OME did not know much about the visiting team, (due to a CDU media blackout since game 1) except that they seem to have done quite well upto the DED game. The non-existant wire caging surrounding the ground was improved this week to a non-existant see through concrete wall. Hopefully this will deter fans from runnign onto the ground. Special investigative reporter, E MFILE, was found dead two days before the CDU game. He had been researching CDU, and was found under mountains of paper. I guess he had too many open files manager Sargent said. Courier E MSGSIZE was sent to CDU asking about possible foul play, but he forgot the message probably because the message was too long. Assylum Inmate E NOTTY, relieved to discover he was not a typewriter, is now searching to find out what he really is. His Psychiatist, Dr E. ALREADY said the operation was already in progress. Following, CBC coach Laurie's run in with an inmate of the Assylum (Wally King, emporer of lang park) Management of the Assylum are being sued. Fortunately, Judge ELOOP Hole decided that the feud between them was personal, running back to their Rugby League days, and that no liability on the Assylum. He warned that future incidents may see the dunking of the owners in the red rain held in the d-OME. E PERM shouted 'I am not the owner' as reporters rushed him to find out what he thought about the trial. At the CDU match, disaster happened, Kamikaze again escaped but was accidently squashed to death by an elephant who lept from the dome. The elphant had been swimming in the red rain, and was trying to get the butter of its feet. Manager Sargent said ' I thought that their was something funny going on. I realised that an elephant had been in my fridge, by the footprints in the butter ' Kamikaze's place has been taken by his brother, who we have named Kamikaze. And the dead lemming body was mailed to Denmark with a note 'Found the culprit who murdered the Queen, Culprit was crushed when he discovered he had done wrong.' The DED trip to the Flying Physicists was also noted for the incidents. Defender Edwin Hubble of TFP , was hit by Kamikaze accross the face. His eyes became swollen, and his vision blurry. Kamikaze (the new model) is certainly living up to his family tradition. N. Bohr, reported owner of the Physicists was also nursing a bruised ankle, having been bitten. GE5: Merry Christmas and a Newest of Happy Years from Gweedore, to be sure! Oh, this snow! Has anybody got a shovel out there? HCI: LLS: Boy did i get some abuse from the players for last session. Not only did the club get fined because I made mistakes in the lineups but I managed to get sent off in our crunch game against Christchurch!!!! Luckily for me the players showed great character and were still able to win 2-0 with two late goals. However our performances in the other two games were a real dissapointment to me, and we will have to perform much better if we are to have any hope of remaining top of the league. This session sees us with 2 home games. Firstly we entertain Canberra Capitals, who are also going well, and then we take on the Vikings of Denmark. I'm sure they will find the atmosphere as hostile as there ancestors who invaded Scotland many centuries ago!!!! Lastly we travel to play Casteddu in a top of the table clash, the only problem being I haven't a clue where they come from!! Oh well I'm sure we'll find it in the end, hopefully before the kick off. NG: SCA: TFP: TT: The past few matches have seen a marked improvement in the fortunes of the Tasmania Tigers. Their first victory highlighted their new developed tactic the "Stampede". From the kickoff the entire team charge down the pitch. This confuses the opposition so much that they forget what is going on and think the sides have been asked to change ends! The first attempt at this against the Vikings was highly successful with a goal coming from the kickoff. Coach Barrow said the Brady's longball through to Woodcock was tremendous and it was great to see such fine finishing. Even though the Vikings kicked off in the second half they still got confused and passed the ball to Thomas who managed to chip the keeper beautifully.. only to see cross bar and go out. The Vikings never recovered and were well and truly plundered! Overall the past few games have been good says coach Barrow. "We were very dissapointed with our draw with the Candy Crunchers. They didn't deserve a point for their defensive stonewalling but because our guys have forgotten how to finish they grabbed the point and ran. The next game I thought we were unlucky but those Canberrans were very good and of course we won the last game." When asked about the next few games he predicted a couple of strong showings at home but promised nothing away to the Novocastrian Gunners. With many players with the same name playing he said he was hoping for more confusion and may even apply the "Stampede" again. VDK: PRESS-ANNOUNCEMENT FROM VIKINGS OF DENMARK Now the vikings are beginning to shake the Tasman Division!!!! After only collecting one point in the first three matches, we doubled our score in the next three, so we now have three points. All we have to do now is to continue this rate of growth, and sometimes next season we will take it all!! In the latest three matches we saw that the faith we had put in our young talented goalkeeper Jarl Antonsen was not all in vain. In the first match at CDU he pulled home a nil-nil draw after saving twice when G. Mckitz and M. Mincamix had been allowed to be off-side without the refs taking any notice. In the other en at least four chances was thrown away by mainly our mid-fielders. As another great achivement it must be mentioned that our young defender A. Prebensen marked the very dangerous R. Boassa (one of the famous Boassa-twins) out of the field. In the socond game at home against the TFP Kim "Thunderboots" Gaba at last got the boots at the right feet, and ran away from the defenders and hammered an early lead home (4th minute). Unfortunatly the TFP-midfielder cowardly took advantage of a situation, where our keeper O. Bukstad was discussing Australian beer with our center-defender Svenne "Bonecrusher" Berg (14 DP). In the last game, the exciting bottom-of-the-league clash, against TT it all happened in the first minute. In the next game we will make sure that all our players have entered the field at kick off. Our goalkeeper Jarl Antonsen hadnt finished his beer, so he arrived from the dressing-room in the 22nd minute, and played a fabolous match from that time. In this match three TT-players couldnt get the ball past Jarl, so our investment is really paying off now. The next three matches will be against DED, LLS (top-of-the-league until now) and HCI. We are now beginning to get in shape after the exciting pre- season, where we didnt know if we were allowed to enter the league or not, so WATCH OUT. Intel phone: 6-4668 wickart@ichips.intel.com Up