UEFL: Peripheral Division - Session F From: billoj@aix.rpi.edu (Jeremy Louis Billones) Date: Fri, 31 Jan 1992 14:36:42 +0000 Peripheral Division Newsletter Session F LP W L D GF/GA CP/TP Cash MVP Beirut Blast 32 15 1 2 70 10 5.5 8 532 MVP Valkeries 23 9 4 5 58 35 10 2 1158 Uaxactun Tiburones 22 10 6 2 42 26 7 3 564 EB Oxaxaca Tortugas 21 9 6 3 42 19 6 3 375 EB Ajax Amsterdam 20 9 7 2 56 34 7 3 380 EB Entropy Raiders 19 8 7 3 46 70 1 6 257 Blown EB Hoary Marmots 17 8 9 1 58 55 2.5 4 857 Blown EB Drunken Stupor 14 6 10 2 24 69 2 4 522 Blwn Gaucho Goalmongers 11 4 11 3 42 62 0.5 2 254 EB Davis Red Hawks 1 0 17 1 4 62 1 4 614 Blwn Fines and Adjustments: The Oxaxaca Tortugas attempted to play a suspended player in Match 17. The illegal player was removed. $10K fine. The Uaxactun Tiburones attempted to play a suspended player in Match 17. The illegal player was removed. $10K fine. The Valkeries did just fine. I was the speeze. NOTE: Ed Jordan, the manager of the Gaucho Goalmongers, has lost email access, hopefully for a limited time. His club NMRed this session, but will be run in a vanilla fashion by the Commissioner for the remainder of the regular season. If Ed doesn't regain access, the Goalmongers will not participate in the playoffs, and may be turned over to a new manager next season. (I started the vanilla lineups this session, 'cause his last match was with BB). Press: TORTUGAS TIDBITS - When asked about this session's upcoming road match versus the league-leading, but now once-beaten Blast, manager Ferguson tried to remain optimistic. "Our guys will be wearing extra protection, and I don't mean the latex kind", remarked the leader. "Besides, most of our guys are USED to wearing heavy shinguards, chest protectors, and masks in their old jobs." When queried on tactics, Ferguson was vague but did mention that there seemed to be fewer live mines in the Blast's defensive end. The Tortugas will stay in Damascus. This session looks to be an exciting one with two great matches on tap: First off, the unstoppable force of the hungry Blast, 6-1-1 on the road, meets up with the immovable object: the undefeated-at-home Entropy Raiders. Look for a lot of scoring if the Raiders' problems in goal continue. In their last meeting at Beirut, the Blast shellacked the 2nd place Raiders, 12-0, while on a controversial play, Raider goalie Butterfingers suffered a career-ending broken leg. This one looks to be a lot closer as the Raiders are at home, looking for revenge. The Swami sez go with the Blast to hand the Raiders their first home loss by a score of 5-1. In the second matchup, the Blast plays against a team they narrowly escaped from back in session C, the Tortugas. Oxaxaca has the 2nd best road record in the division at 3-4-1 and have been very stingy this season on the road, allowing only 12 goals and 21 shots. This one's going to be a great struggle as Beirut tries to come back against a team that outshot it 6-1 earlier. Swami sez: If the aging Arafat can come through with another big game, the Blast will keep up their shutout streak at home, winning 2-0. In the third match, the hapless Hawks come into town for what will be their only visit to Beirut this season. The Blast have been known to play a little soft on the Hawks, though, so there's speculation that, of all teams, the Davis Red Hawks, will be the first to score in Beirut this season. That's because the Blast is starting rookie goalie Ostrovsky in that match, who has had puh-lenty of problems this season. As he grows in size and mutates into what appears to be a large reptilian creature, his sheer size has made him a better goalie. Some managers have complained about this to the commissioner, but there's not likely to be a ruling on this until next season. [Shows what you know. Nothing in the rules forbids hiring (or creating) giant lizards. Go hire Godzilla if you want to. -ed.] Maybe by then, Ostrovsky will be forced to sit behind the goal and use only his head or his "hands" to block shots. Swami sez: The Blast's luck runs out, but they still pull out a closer-than-expected win, 2-1. In the other big matches on tap, watch for the 2nd place Tiburones to take advantage of their easy schedule and their great goalkeeping to surprise Ajax in Amsterdam, 2-0. The Marmots will try to get another few notches in Gorilla's belt as they face the struggling Raiders and win, 7-2. Finally, watch for the Valkeries to put the fear of Odin into the Stupor with a big 8-3 win on the road. We'll check the Swami's record next week. For ESPN, I'm Chris Berman...enjoy the matches, and thanks for watching. ----------------------------------------------------------------- The Hoary Marmot Fan Club News Volume 1 Number 5 ----------------------------------------------------------------- Local sports writers have predicted that the Marmots will sink to last place and the flounder in the Satellite Division next season. The area Procrastinator's Club submitted their 1990 predictions for the Marmots - the Marmots will sink from Central to Peripheral and not even do well there. Other league press doomed the Marmots as well. When questioned why the Marmots were doing so poorly in the standings while the individual performances were outstanding, Manager Goldstein stated "I guess that after 3 seasons of this, I can admit that I just don't know what the heck I'm doing." Team members agreed. Therefore, veteran goalie Bullwinkle submitted the orders for the session. All credit and blame should go to him. If this move doesn't work, perhaps renaming the team should help. [Tom T. Nose, Bud Bowl, Milwaukee] This reporter was barred from getting in to see Coach Eacker as he has taken the team off for a serious drinking binge over the holidays. I was able to track them on their pub crawl as far as the "Prince of Wales" pub in San Mateo, CA. Though they soon disappeared after I tried to get into this seedy english style pub (including Darts and more kinds of beer than this reporter could fathom. There was a rumor floating around that the coach figured that the team needed to get away from it all after getting blown out of the water so many times in the last 4 session (3 time). There was a frustration running rampant within the organization that the coach was thoroughly upset that he had so many players retire after the mid season break. But we did get the word that the coach had visited the young minor leaguers in camp and had made a decision to bring some of them into the organization. So we are looking forward to some new blood in the coming sessions. Trades & Roster Moves: Drunken Stupor signs "Sap" Poro (DF) and As Ahi (DF) from the minor leagues. The Oxaxaca Tortugas sign Phil Roof (MF) from the minor leagues. The Hoary Marmots cut Snagglepus (MF) and Pixie (DF). The Uaxactun Tiburones sign Brian Lee (GK) from the minor leagues. Auction Results: 1) Age 0 SL 5 FW 309 ER R. Caldwell 2) Age 0 SL 3 SW 71 DS Old Nick 3) Age I SL 10 GK 369 OT Marc Hill 4) Age II SL 8 MF 369 ER M. Iffy Free Agents: Age 0 SL 3 FW Age 0 SL 3 SW Age 0 SL 6 GK Age I SL 11 FW The deadline for session G will be Friday, January 31st, at 2PM. All lineups received before 8 PM Wednesday 29th will receive a 0.5 CP Early Bird Bonus. Schedule: 19 HM @ GG AA @ OT BB @ V ER @ DRH DS @ UT G 20 BB @ HM V @ AA OT @ UT ER @ DS GG @ DRH 21 HM @ V AA @ ER UT @ BB OT @ GG DRH @ DS ******************************************************************************** Match 16 ******************************************************************************** Beirut Blast vs Entropy Raiders 9 - 2 15- 5 Noriega (3) Miller (1) Gemayel (2) Setlow (1) Kissinger (2) Peres (1;bk) Santarelli (1) Arafat (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hoary Marmots vs Oxaxaca Tortugas 0 - 8 0 -16 Bench (2) Edwards (2) Torborg (2) Aiy (1;bk) Roof (1) Jota (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Drunken Stupor vs Ajax Amsterdam 0 - 7 0 - 8 Eray (RC) Van Basten (3) Tai (bk) Wouters (2) Bosman (1) Neeskens (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Valkeries vs Davis Red Hawks 6 - 0 9 - 0 Canaeda (2) Epikur (2) Empedekles (1) Heraklit (1) Plato (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Uaxactun Tiburones vs Gaucho Goalmongers 2 - 1 2 - 2 Buschmann (2) Junes (1) ******************************************************************************** Match 17 ******************************************************************************** Oxaxaca Tortugas vs Beirut Blast 0 - 4 5 - 8 Dobbs (bk) I. Hussein (2) Hiatt (bk) Chang (1) Hundley (bk) Noriega (1) Nuisance (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ajax Amsterdam vs Hoary Marmots 1 - 2 4 - 6 Bosman (1) Coyote (1) Tuxedo (1) Dibble (bk) Frog (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Davis Red Hawks vs Uaxactun Tiburones 0 - 9 0 - 9 Rollins (bk) Pasley (3) Buschmann (2) Blazel (1) McAliney (1) Sellers (1) Waite (1) Campbell [inj;brk] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Valkeries vs Drunken Stupor 6 - 1 7 - 3 Empedekles (3) Ale (1;bk) Canaeda (1) Stout (RC) Epiktet (1) Daniels (bk) Epikur (1) Plato (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gaucho Goalmongers vs Entropy Raiders 2 - 3 4 - 4 Jourgensen (1) Miller (2) Rockett (1) Kid (1) ******************************************************************************** Match 18 ******************************************************************************** Davis Red Hawks vs Beirut Blast 0 - 4 0 -10 Baker (1;bk) Gates (1) Peres (1) Santarelli (1) Sharon (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Drunken Stupor vs Oxaxaca Tortugas 1 - 4 1 - 3 Landia (1) Dobbs (1;1pen) Stout (bk) Ele (1;bk) Tonic (bk) S (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Entropy Raiders vs Hoary Marmots 0 - 5 0 -11 Carey (bk) Fudd (2) Intosh [inj;conc] Babalooey (1) Gorilla (1;bk) [inj;spr] Tweety (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Uaxactun Tiburones vs Ajax Amsterdam 0 - 2 0 -21 Crosby (bk) DeBoer (1) Phelan (bk) Witschge (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gaucho Goalmongers vs Valkeries 0 - 3 0 - 9 Canaeda (2) Heraklit (1) [inj;conc] Epiktet [inj;lig] Plotin [inj;pull] Kant [inj;conc] Empedekles [inj;spr] Sokrates [inj;spr] ******************************************************************************** (bk) indicates booked (4 DP) (RC) indicates sent off (10DP) [Inj;???] indicates injury by type (#) indicates # of goals scored Up