UEFL: Central Division - Session F From: billoj@aix.rpi.edu (Jeremy Louis Billones) Date: Fri, 31 Jan 1992 14:35:57 +0000 Central Division Newsletter Session F LP W L D GF/GA CP/TP Cash BOTH Moonshine by Urn 28 13 3 2 63 29 5 4 343 MVP Sordid Sages 26 12 4 2 56 18 5 3 586 EB Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks 18 7 7 4 44 34 2.5 3 634 EB The New Lions 16 8 10 0 31 48 1 3 203 Blown EB Wainscotting 16 7 9 2 39 56 2 3 40 EB Cylinder Heads 15 6 9 3 43 47 2.5 4 703 Blown EB Amdahl United 13 6 11 1 46 56 7.5 7 1005 EB Safety in Numbers 12 4 10 4 35 69 1 4 92 Trades and Roster Moves: Wainscotting sells Plunging Peter Lemming (MF) to the SFWA Hawks for an undisclosed sum. Baggins Myrth sends 1 TP to Moonshine by Urn in return for cash and other considerations. SC Lions sell 2 TPs to the Beirut Blast for $100K. Amdahl Unlimited sells 2 TPs to the Beirut Blast for $110K. Baggins Myrth sends 1 TP to TPR for 1 CP. Auction Results: 1) Age 0 SL 4 DF SiN 150 Arnold Anderson 2) Age I SL 4 GK SiN 100 Bob Billings 3) Age I SL 10 MF MbU 348 Yahoo Sirius 4) Age I SL 10 MF W 417 E.Z. Gumby Free Agents: 1) Age 0 SL 3 GK 2) Age II SL 11 DF 3) Age III SL 13 FW 4) Age I SL 10 DF The Deadline for Session G lineups is Tuesday 28th at 1 PM EST (10 AM Pacific; 7 PM on MTV Europe, I'm told :-) The EB deadline is 10PM on Sunday the 26th, depending on what mood I'm in after the Redskins win the Super Bowl :-) Session G: match 19: SS @ NL W @ CH SiN @ AU MbU @ TPR match 20: W @ SS NL @ SiN CH @ MbU AU @ TPR match 21: SS @ SiN MbU @ W TPR @ NL AU @ CH Press: Quoth the manager of AU: "Bah Humbug" We are not sure if this is in respect to the holiday season, the teams standings in the central division, or the current roster situation. It has been rumored that the AU scouts have been visiting the local junior and senior high schools looking for replacement players. MOONSHINE MADNESS: Gee, all I have to do now is hold off the Sages for four more sessions ... In the locker room after our 3-2 win over the Sages, there were a lot of the usual comments about how tough the Sages are. So far, MbU's luck has held. Apparently, luck is all that is holding us up here, as the published match reviews still claim that the Sages are outplaying us. I don't know what it will take to get the reporters to notice our increased level of play, because we can see that MbU and SS are now pretty even on the pitch. Off the pitch, we can still drink 'em under the table before midnight. After the mid-season results came through, we also toasted Wondroos Kissenger with a round of Aying Pils. Wondroos now lays sole claim to the title of the UEFL's oldest player, as the front office believes that all the other age V critters are gone to the coaching pools. The SiNs of Soccer - session E was an improvement on session D (at least a tie), but no goals isn't good. This session may prove a bit easier, so all SiNners can hope for at least one victory. With a bit of luck, we may be able to produce a larger press sheet after the session. Mid-season provided a welcome respite for Wainscotting, as it has been a full month since the squad has been blown out. Time will tell if the new tradition in Wainscotting will continue as they meet traditional nemesis Safety in Numbers on the road in session F. Snarled Manager Buffum, "There's not much improvement you can make with only one coach, but we felt obligated to fire a couple after the terrific showing in session E." Hopefully, the team will be able to hire replacements after session F, but the future looks bleak. "That Time Stop spell is looking awfully good right now," Buffum lamented, and Age V FW S.W.B. Gumby apparently agreed, although it was somewhat difficult to understand Mr. Gumby through all the muttering and drooling. In player news, midfielder Plunging Peter Lemming was sold off to the Hacks of the Satellite division. This move proved valuable to both teams, as Wainscotting ridded itself of its most dangerous, suicidal player and the Hacks received some inside insight as to how their rival's collective psyche works. "The kid was okay," Buffum said, "but he kept getting booked for biting opponents, which is particularly dangerous against the Drunks. Weighing only three-and-a-half ounces, Lemming would become totally intoxicated after only one quick bite. Plus, that boy Flatulence really threw him for a loop." When asked if he would miss Lemming, Buffum replied, "Well, he was extremely well- suited to one-touch, as that's all his sub-inch legs would allow. Nice headers, though, and he really didn't seem to mind lunging for loose balls or running headlong into the goalpost." Cousin Running Rod Lemming, rookie forward, stated, "If he goes, will I actually play?" Buffum's response was rendered unintelligible through the gales of laughter. Rumors that P. Lemming was traded because he was blamed for the injury to forward Lester Mahon by getting underfoot remained unsubstantiated. News from the Black and White ============================= The TPR clubhouse was thrown once again into turmoil, when Yazoo's 86 Ford Mustang colided with an 18 wheeler. Yazoo was unhurt, but all of Yazoo's scouting notes and research were scattered about the countryside about 5 miles east of Meridian Mississippi. "Naturally, we're quite happy with the last two sessions," noted Yazoo in an interview from his hospital bed. "Hopefully, this mishap won't slow us down too much." WRATH OF LIBRARIANS FELT BY SiN DF CHAPIN ----------------------------------------- Already the Sage's new playing field among the stacks is having its effect. In the first home match since moving into the Library Safety in Number's DF Chapin received a red card and was removed from play for "play that was loud and disturbing to others trying to use the facilities" from the Library's head librarian Mrs. Peach. "We just can't tolerate that kink of yelling and screaming in the library," she said. Also carded by librarians were DF Lowen for obstructing the reshelving cart, and GK Hammer for knocking over a card catalog. Hammer's complaints that there were three card catalog's in the penalty area, making it hard for him to defend the goal was ignored. No bookings were made in the match by referees, who spent most of the match perusing the library's collection of autobiographies of famous referees. In other Sage news, Archmage Fred vowed to beat the Moonshine this season no matter what. Regarding the Blast GK Ostrovsky, Fred confirmed rumours that Ostrovsky would indeed grow to larger than the goal he had to protect. "We've been considering doing the same for Mr. Ned." Ned was seen galloping away from the press conferance very quickly. ******************************************************************************** Match 16 ******************************************************************************** Moonshine by Urn vs Amdahl Unlimited 4 - 1 15- 5 Flatulence (2) Otaka (1) T.K. Gumby (1) Open (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wainscotting vs New Lions 1 - 6 4 - 6 Arc (1) Clayton (2) M.C. Gumby (bk) Copernicus (2) P.U. Gumby (bk) Kafka (1) Pauling (1) Brahe (bk) Clyde (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Safety in Numbers vs Cylinder Heads 1 - 5 2 -11 Bonar (1) Jamnation (2) Brady (bk) Zerr (2) Stallone (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sordid Sages vs Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks 4 - 1 17- 7 Mephisto (2) Fleck (1) P. Paul Lemming (1) Baxter (RC) Mark (1) Cooder (bk) Grappelli (bk) Jamerson (bk) ******************************************************************************** Match 17 ******************************************************************************** Moonshine by Urn vs New Lions 2 - 0 2 - 1 Clay (1) Kepler (bk) T. Welch (1) Li (bk) Mendoza (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wainscotting vs Safety in Numbers 4 - 1 4 - 1 Arc (1) Lowen (1) A.N. Gumby (1) Chapin (bk) F.Q. Gumby (1) X.T. Gumby (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cylinder Heads vs Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks 2 - 1 5 - 4 Snap (2) Feynman (1) Baxter (bk) Cooder (bk) E. Otto (bk) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Amdahl Unlimited vs Sordid Sages 0 - 4 0 -17 Mephisto (3) Ptolemy (1) ******************************************************************************** Match 18 ******************************************************************************** Safety in Numbers vs Moonshine by Urn 2 - 4 6 -12 Bonar (1;bk) Blackhead (1) Cyphers (1) Center (1) Mason (1) Vibbentrop (1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- New Lions vs Amdahl Unlimited 0 - 9 0 -12 Arfken (bk) Otaka (3) [inj;spr] Nietzsche (bk) Britton (2) Friend (2) Grate (1) [inj;spr] Posterior (1) [inj;brk] Chot [inj;spr] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks vs Wainscotting 4 - 1 8 - 9 Fleck (3;bk) Reeds (1) Oakley (1pen) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cylinder Heads vs Sordid Sages 2 - 9 4 -12 New (1) John (3) Weinberger (1) Mark (2) D. Luking (bk) Ptolemy (2) Marley (1) Sadat (1) Matthew (bk) ******************************************************************************** (bk) indicates booked (4 DP) (RC) indicates sent off (10DP) [Inj;???] indicates injury by type (#) indicates # of goals scored Up