EEFL Atlantic Division Final Table

From: wickart@ichips.intel.com (Bill 'Prune' Wickart)

Date: Thu, 13 Feb 1992 18:37:06 +0000

EXPERIMENTAL ELECTRONIC FOOTBALL LEAGUE
			ATLANTIC DIVISION
			   FINAL TABLE

Team		Pts   W  D  L   GF:GA   CP  TP	Cash
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Panhel. Athl. Outcasts	29   13  3  6	25:16	3.0  3	$1143K
Nippon Sunrise Animes	27    9  9  4	22: 9	3.0  3	$1298K
Minstermen		25    8  9  5	22:16	3.0  3	$1410K
Tartan Lads		25   11  3  8	24:19	3.0  3	$ 997K
Southampton Argyle	24    8  8  6	24:16	3.0  3	$1447K
Altoona All-Stars	24    9  6  7	19:23	3.0  3	$ 879K
AIK Stockholm		22    8  6  8	35:23	3.0  3	$1219K
Canterbury Rovers	21    7  7  8	17:19	3.0  9	$1290K
Buffalo Thundering Herd	20    7  6  9	18:21	3.0  3	$1023K
Pittsburgh LambdaChi's	18    6  6 10	13:30	2.0  3	$1105K
Central Mass. Bandits	17    6  5 11	19:18	4.0  4	$1113K
AJAX			12    4  4 14	15:43	3.0  5	$ 772K
-----------------------------------------------------------------
MVP bonus: none					No Moves Received: none

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Roster Changes:

PCS sends FCA:
	DF R. Difensiva
	FW R. Attacco
	1 CP.
FCA sends PCS:
	an undisclosed sum.

PCS sells 1 TP to TMM for an undisclosed sum.

SAR sends NSA:
	DF K. Brown
	an undiclosed sum
NSA sends SAR:
	DF U. Kotus
	FW A. Lupin

AA buys 2 TP from CBR for $140K

CBR sends GB	1 TP and $10K		-- note the correction !
GB sends CBR	MF Pascal Montbrun.

CBR sends 1 TP to WC
WC sends $70K to CBR
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Commissioner's Comments:
   This one also went down to the wire -- after the first match, NSA was back
in first with MM and TL in position to take over from anyone who faltered a
second time.  However, the Tartan Lads couldn't quite do the job on the road,
while NSA lost an equally tight match at the Altoona.  The Outcasts take the
championship, while NSA, MM, and TL advance to the second-division playoffs.
   The lower end was similarly inetersting, as most teams aplit the last two
matches.  CMB, in fact, finishes the season with a *positive* goal difference!

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Errors and fines:

AAS:
$10K:	misspelled a player's name
$10K:	forgot a space after "@"

AJX:
$25K:	tried to use a center with only two players in the area
$25K:	tried to play a suspended player

CBR:	(new manager)
free:	used "Df" instead of "DF"
free:	tried to coach or train an ineligible player

CMB:
free:	tried to coach or train an ineligible player
free:	tried to coach or train an ineligible player
------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                Match 21
                               AJX at NSA
                                0  -  8
                               (2  -  20)
                                      1pen

GK V. Breukelen (-8:0 0 3)       GK L. Yupa (0:0 0 0)
                                   SW P. Nausicaa (0:0 0 0)
        DF D. Hesp (0:0 0 0)       DF H. Briareos (0:0 0 1) (bk)
       DF B. Aerle (0:0 0 1)       DF V. Jack (0:0 0 0) (sub)
       DF D. Blind (0:0 0 0)       DF K. Phenil (0:0 1 0)
      DF F. Deboer (0:0 0 0)       DF K. Brown (0:2 0 0) @ 60
       MF S. Lerby (0:0 0 0)       MF R. Cheyenne (1:2 1 0)
   MF G. Vanenburg (0:0 0 0) (bk)  MF K. Kuno (0:1 1 0)
        MF M. Vink (0:0 0 0)
         FW R. Wit (0:1 0 0)       FW S. Maris (2:7 1 0)
      FW J. Bosman (0:1 0 0)       FW C. Aznable (4:5 0 0)
     FW R. Sneekes (0:0 0 0)       FW S. Ranma (1:3 1 0)
                                   FW C. Hyoga (0:1 0 0)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                Match 21
                                TL at AIK
                                1  -  0
                               (7  -  9)

GK B. Ben (0:0 0 1)       GK B. Ljung (-1:0 0 2)
   SW J. Paparazzi (0:0 0 2)       SW B. Bengtsson (0:0 0 0)
       DF M. Broon (0:0 0 0)       DF D. Davidsson (0:0 0 0)
      DF O. Wullie (0:1 0 0)       DF P. Larsson (0:0 0 1)
     DF T. Blether (0:0 0 0)       DF F. Ross (0:1 0 0) @ 30
                                   DF G. Georgsson (0:0 0 0) (sub)
     MF T. Corries (0:0 0 0) (bk)  MF J. Jansson (0:2 0 0)
     MF P. Murdoch (0:1 0 0)       MF K. Karlsson (0:1 0 0)
     MF F. Murrays (0:1 0 0)       MF G. Stromberg (0:3 0 0)
      FW G. Sooker (0:1 0 0)       FW M. Dahlin (0:1 0 0)
     FW T. Mayfair (1:2 0 0)       FW M. Blyberg (0:1 0 0)
    FW T. Princess (0:1 0 0)       FW R. Runesson (0:0 0 0)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                Match 21
                               CMB at BTH
                                0  -  1
                               (2  -  7)

GK M. Tripaldi (-1:0 0 1)       GK C. Malarchuk (0:0 0 0)
                                   SW D. Bodger (0:0 0 0)
       DF J. Ryder (0:0 0 0) (bk)  DF K. Haller (0:0 0 0)
      DF K. Andjus (0:0 0 2)       DF B. Desai (0:1 1 0)
      DF R. Heiser (0:0 0 0)       DF P. Housley (0:0 0 0)
         DF J. Roy (0:0 0 0)
      MF B. Morgan (0:1 0 0)       MF D. Hawerchuk (0:0 0 0)
    MF D. Weymouth (0:1 0 0)       MF A. Mogilny (1:1 0 0)
       MF C. Grant (0:0 0 0)       MF S. Desai (0:0 0 0)
       FW G. Casey (0:0 0 0)       FW R. Nayyar (0:2 0 0)
      FW N. Parker (0:0 0 0)       FW D. Andreychuk (0:3 0 0)
                                   FW I. Nayyar (0:0 0 0)
UT J. DeMoranville (0:0 0 0)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                Match 21
                               AAS at MM
                                1  -  1
                               (2  -  7)
                                      1pen

GK B. Bunny (-1:0 0 1)       GK S. McIlhargey (-1:0 0 0)
  SW G. Lightspeed (0:0 0 1)       SW D. Burgess (0:0 0 0)
        DF D. Duck (0:0 0 0)       DF G. Briggs (0:0 0 0)
        DF E. Fudd (0:0 0 0)       DF S. Burns (0:1 0 0)
      DF G. Jetson (0:0 0 0)
       MF I. Crane (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF T. Sinclair (0:0 0 0)
    MF J. Gonzales (0:0 0 0) @ 60  MF M. Davies (0:1 0 0)
     MF L. Filling (0:0 1 0)       MF R. Coughlin (0:0 0 0)
        MF I. Hulk (0:0 0 0)
       FW D. Nixon (0:0 0 0)       FW D. Eyres (0:0 0 0) @ 45
      FW R. Rabbit (1:1 0 0)       FW A. Garner (1:4 0 0)
    FW S. Gonzales (0:1 0 0) @ 54  FW C. Richards (0:1 0 0)
                                   FW D. Bamber (0:0 0 0) (sub)
      UT T. Batman (0:0 0 0) (bk)  (sub) UT A. Abrahams (0:1 0 0)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                Match 21
                               LCA at SAR
                                1  -  5
                               (6  -  12)

GK W. Zenga (-5:0 0 2)       GK J. Furnell (-1:0 0 1)
  SW D. Pietramala (0:0 0 0)
       DF S. Ralph (0:0 0 0)       DF C. Harrison (0:0 0 0)
       DF B. Fudge (0:0 0 0)       DF H. Hutch (0:0 0 1)
   DF U. Samuelson (0:0 0 0)       DF U. Kotus (0:0 0 0)
         MF B. Cat (0:0 0 0)       MF B. Vassalo (0:1 1 0)
       MF B. Keith (0:1 0 0)       MF S. Strachan (1:4 1 0)
       MF M. Bloom (0:0 0 0)       MF N. Marker (0:0 0 0) @ 60
                                   MF J. Hore (0:0 0 0) (sub)
                                   MF B. Lyons (0:0 1 0)
     FW M. Lemieux (0:1 0 0)       FW S. Cooper (1:3 1 0)
        FW P. Gait (0:3 1 0)       FW A. Lupin (0:1 0 0)
        FW G. Gait (1:1 0 0)
                                   UT M. May (3:3 0 0)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                Match 21
                               PAO at CBR
                                0  -  2
                               (4  -  9)

GK N. Sarganis (-2:0 0 2)       GK M. Hooper (0:0 0 1)
      SW A. Kapsis (0:0 0 0) (sub) SW J. Molby (0:0 0 0)
    SW C. Mavridis (0:0 0 0) @ 45
 DF N. Vamvakoulas (0:0 0 0)       DF D. Walker (0:2 0 0)
  DF C. Karapialis (0:0 0 0)       DF D. Burrows (0:1 0 0)
      DF G. Michos (0:0 0 0)       DF N. Tanner (0:1 0 1)
   MF G. Delikaris (0:2 0 0)       MF R. Whelan (0:0 0 0)
 MF M. Papaioannou (0:0 0 0)       MF M. Marsh (0:1 0 0)
                                   MF J. Redknapp (0:0 0 0)
      FW J. Vaseja (0:0 0 0) @ 45  FW D. Saunders (1:1 0 0)
     FW D. Bajevic (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW J. Barnes (1:2 1 0)
  FW C. Livathinos (0:1 0 0)       FW I. Rush (0:1 0 0)
   FW D. Saravakos (0:0 0 0)
      FW G. Mavros (0:1 0 0)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                Match 22
                               NSA at AAS
                                0  -  1
                               (4  -  6)

GK D. Knute (-1:0 0 0)       GK B. Bunny (0:0 0 1)
       SW O. Arion (0:0 0 1) (bk)  SW B. Simpson (0:0 0 0)
      DF F. Yakumo (0:0 0 0)       DF D. Duck (0:0 0 0) (sub)
        DF V. Jack (0:0 0 0)       DF E. Fudd (0:0 0 0) @ 54
       DF K. Brown (0:1 0 0) (bk)  DF F. Leghorn (0:0 0 0)
       DF T. Akane (0:0 0 0)       DF H. Knocks (0:0 0 0)
         MF A. Rei (0:0 0 0)       MF K. Kowalski (0:0 1 0)
    MF R. Cheyenne (0:2 0 0)       MF L. Filling (0:2 0 0)
        MF T. Kuno (0:0 0 0)       MF M. Mouse (0:0 0 0)
       FW S. Maris (0:0 0 0)       FW P. Picasso (1:1 0 0)
                                   FW R. Rabbit (0:2 0 0) @60
                                   FW R. Kramden (0:1 0 0) @15
       UT H. Ryoga (0:1 0 0)       UT T. Batman (0:0 0 0) (sub)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                Match 22
                               BTH at LCA
                                2  -  0
                               (4  -  16)

GK D. Puppa (0:0 0 3) (bk)  GK W. Zenga (-2:0 0 1)
    SW R. Severino (0:0 0 0)       SW F. Baresi (0:0 0 0)
       DF G. Suter (0:0 0 1)       DF B. Marino (0:0 0 0)
      DF M. Ramsey (0:0 0 1)       DF S. Ralph (0:0 0 0)
      DF K. Sutton (0:0 0 0)       DF B. Fudge (0:2 0 0)
     MF D. Audette (0:1 0 0)       MF B. Cat (0:2 0 0)
  MF P. Lafontaine (0:0 0 0)       MF B. Keith (0:0 0 0)
        MF V. Shah (0:0 1 0)
     FW P. Turgeon (0:1 0 0)       FW M. Lemieux (0:4 0 0)
      FW S. Nayyar (1:1 0 0)       FW P. Gait (0:3 0 0)
     FW J. Chandna (1:1 0 0)       FW G. Gait (0:4 0 0)
                                   FW J. Jagr (0:1 0 0)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                Match 22
                                TL at PAO
                                0  -  1
                               (4  -  8)

GK B. Ben (-1:0 0 1)       GK V. Vassiliadis (0:0 0 0)
   SW J. Paparazzi (0:0 0 0) @ 67  SW A. Kapsis (0:0 0 1)
       DF M. Broon (0:1 0 0)       DF C. Karapialis (0:1 0 0) (sub)
       DF T. Broon (0:0 0 1)       DF N. Apostolakis (0:0 0 0)
      DF O. Wullie (0:0 0 0)       DF G. Michos (0:0 0 0) @ 45
                                   DF L. Nicolaou (0:1 0 0)
       MF P. Broon (0:0 0 0)       MF G. Delikaris (0:0 1 0)
     MF T. Corries (0:0 0 0)       MF M. Vassiliadis (0:2 0 0)
     MF P. Murdoch (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF M. Domazos (0:0 0 0) (bk)
     MF F. Murrays (0:0 0 0) @ 73  MF M. Papaioannou (0:0 0 0)
       FW G. Broon (0:1 0 0)       FW D. Saravakos (1:3 0 0)
      FW G. Sooker (0:2 0 0)       FW A. Antoniadis (0:1 0 0)
    FW T. Princess (0:0 0 0) @ 67
      UT T. Haiver (0:0 0 0) (sub)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                Match 22
                               AJX at CBR
                                1  -  0
                               (8  -  3)

GK J. Pfaff (0:0 0 1)       GK B. Grobelaar (-1:0 0 2) (bk)
      SW R. Koeman (0:0 0 0)       SW M. Wright (0:0 0 1)
        DF D. Hesp (0:0 0 0)       DF D. Burrows (0:0 0 0)
    DF F. Rijkaard (0:2 0 0)       DF G. Ablett (0:0 0 0)
       DF B. Aerle (0:0 1 0)       DF B. Jones (0:0 0 0)
    MF D. Bergkamp (0:0 0 0)       MF S. McMahon (0:1 0 0)
       MF S. Lerby (0:0 0 0)       MF M. Marsh (0:0 0 0)
      FW M. Basten (1:1 0 0)       FW J. Barnes (0:0 0 0)
      FW J. Bosman (0:1 0 0)       FW R. Rosenthal (0:1 0 0)
       FW J. Schip (0:3 0 0)       FW M. Walters (0:0 0 0)
    UT A. Tiggelen (0:1 0 0)       UT S. Nicol (0:1 0 0)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                Match 22
                               AIK at SAR
                                2  -  3
                               (9  -  14)

GK A. Andersson (-3:0 0 0)       GK T. Azor (-2:0 0 1)
    SW D. Dalkvist (0:0 0 1)       SW G. Garrett (0:0 0 0)
   DF D. Davidsson (0:0 0 0)       DF G. Foster (0:1 0 0)
        DF F. Ross (0:0 0 0)       DF G. Nisbet (0:0 0 0)
   DF G. Georgsson (0:0 0 0)
     MF L. Larsson (1:1 0 0)       MF B. Vassalo (0:0 1 0)
    MF K. Karlsson (0:0 0 0)       MF N. Marker (1:5 0 0)
                                   MF J. Hore (0:2 0 0)
                                   MF B. Lyons (0:2 2 0)
      FW M. Dahlin (0:0 0 0) @ 45  FW J. Sims (1:1 0 0)
     FW M. Blyberg (1:3 0 0)       FW S. Cooper (0:1 0 0)
   FW T. Johansson (0:2 0 0) (sub)
    FW R. Runesson (0:1 0 0)
  UT P. Pettersson (0:2 0 0)       UT M. May (1:2 0 0)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                Match 22
                                MM at CMB
                                0  -  3
                               (6  -  6)

GK S. McIlhargey (-3:0 0 1)       GK J. Martin (0:0 0 5)
                                   SW B. Sweeney-Taylor (0:0 0 0)
    DF N. Matthews (0:2 0 0)       DF J. Ryder (0:0 0 0) @ 30
      DF S. Elliot (0:0 0 0)       DF K. Andjus (0:1 0 0) (sub)
       DF S. Burns (0:0 0 0)       DF R. Heiser (0:0 0 0) @ 45
                                   DF J. Roy (0:0 0 0) (sub)
    MF T. Sinclair (0:0 0 0)       MF B. Morgan (0:1 0 0)
        MF I. Gore (0:0 0 0)       MF S. Quirk (2:2 0 0)
      MF P. Groves (0:1 0 0)       MF M. Vogel (1:1 0 0)
    MF R. Coughlin (0:1 0 0)       MF R. Onorato (0:0 0 0)
       FW D. Eyres (0:1 0 0) @ 45  FW N. Cardoos (0:0 0 0)
      FW A. Garner (0:0 0 0)       FW A. Carson (0:1 0 0)
    FW C. Richards (0:1 0 0) (sub)
      FW D. Bamber (0:0 0 0)
                                   UT J. DeMoranville (0:0 0 0)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------
CBR:

CMB:

!NEWS FLASH!NEWS FLASH!NEWS FLASH!NEWS FLASH!NEWS FLASH!NEWS FLASH!NEWS FLASH!

The Central Massachusetts Bandits, an Under-12 World Class Soccer
Tea1m has decided to really take an aggressive role in the
sportsmanship arena.  In the 23 games it has played in the Atlantic
Division thus far, 65 black cards have been issued against its
opponents. It players today filed a class action suit against each and
every player who has fouled them and is charging the lot with child
abuse!

Robert Onorato even suffered a concusion in one game when an
undisclosed player on the other team tried to kick him in the private
parts, and Robert, being only 4'10" got it in the chin.

It is also suspected that the team is involved in some other activities
outside of soccer. This newspaper had covered the subject previously
of the team manager, Don Weymouth being involved in gambling. He had
successfully predicted the outcome of every game UNTIL the Gaming
Commission brought him under investigation. Since that time, they have
lost every game EXCEPT against Tartan Lads. Being one of the top two
teams in the league, we all find it hard to beleive that a team of 11
year olds can lose to most every team out there and then beat one of
the strongest, unless of course there is a fix. Although Weymouth has
been cleared of all charges, we think he is still up to no good.

We also find it curious that of the 65 players who have fouled against
the Bandits, all but three have gone home after their games and found
their beds short-sheeted, vaseline on their toilet seats, there trees
around their houses covered with toilet paper, and each of their pets
have had black died around their eyes. It is  interesting to note that
the Bandits team mascot is a raccoon, which naturally has a "mask"
around its eyes. Given this series of COINCIDENCES, we beleive that
the Bandits are doing more than soccer, and we wonder how much more
mischeif will happen during the next series and the playoffs.

GIven the child abuse charges against so many other players, we expect
that the other teams will start playing a little less aggressively
against them, but we doubt that getting a little grease on their ass
when they sit on the can will change their play much. We do note,
though, that the elbows of these short little soccer stars do align
pretty well with the balls of their opponents, and we expect a few of
the other players to be out for the playoffs with ruptures.

LCA:

MM:

NSA:
	"This is Tsukuru Shubun reporting live for NTV News with this
late-breaking story.  The Nippon Sunrise Animes have engineered a
blockbuster trade with divsision rival Southhampton Argyle that sends
Unit Kotus and Arsene Lupin off to England in return for young
defender Kenny Brown and a reportedly hefty sum of cash. Upon arriving
in Neo-Tokyo, Brown had this to say:"

KB-"First of all, I"m glad to get the chance to play for a
championship here in Neo-Tokyo.  I just hope that life here isn't as
strange as my trip over. I got off the plane and was stopped by custom
officials who were yabbering something about a "quota" for foreign
players. They gave me the boot and put me on a plain to Hawaii, where
I was met by Nippon Sunrise representatives, who, hoping to sneak me
past customs, stuffed me in a refrigerated cargo hold full of American
beef. Unfortunately, the cargo was turned back because Yokohama customs
officials claimed that the hormone-injected beef failed to meet
inspection standards. Finally, I was smuggled onto a South American
ship moored in Yokohama harbor, and hidden in a hold filled to the
brim with coffee beans, where I was able to escape detection by
submerging and sneak past customs."

"Brown, scheduled to undergo Dr. Watsmann's Character
Conversion Process, was granted a reprieve when the machinery used in
the process overloaded and blew up, causing a signigicant amount of
damage to Nippon Sunrise Laboratories.  Luckily, no one was seriously
injured.  A spokesperson for Nippon Sunrise Laboratories denied that
the machinery, which uses a tremendous amounts of power, was
responsible for a city-wide brownout that occured simultaneously with
the explosion.
	"In related news, Animes veteran Mark "Bruce" Brazzale has
decided that his allergies to rice and fish will not require a trade
out of Japan since he has discorvered that he can subsist on Cup Ramen
for three meals a day.
	"This is  Tsukuru Shubun signing off for NTV News"

====and now it's time for===TRADETALK====
	Brought to you by the Nippon Sunrise Zaibatsu, buying America
to make it a better place.
			------------------
No trades this week.
====and that's all for======TRADETALK====

(From p.78 of the official Nippon Sunrise Animes Program and Player
Guide)
ERRATA-

Normally, there would place interesting team facts here, as well
as bios for recently acquired players as well as one for Hibiki Ryoga,
who doesn't fit into any of the other sections since he can't decide
just where he wants to play. However, our newly-hired Public Relations
Director, who debuted last week, managed to anger some of the players
with his flippant words. He was spread-eagled beteen the goalposts and
the crossbar on the team's practice field late one night, and was
pelted with soccer balls until he developed a massive bruise which
covered 99% of his body.
	This means that the Animes are once again looking for a
Director of Public Relations. Anyone wishing to apply for this job
should send their resume to moakler@remus.rutgers.edu.
						-The Management-

(Nippon Sunrise Zaibatsu is an equal opportunity employer, as long as
you are a full-blooded Japanese.)

Anime Fever! Catch it now!

PAO:
| -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
| MAD CITY - MAD TIMES        Sleaze is our Middle Name      February 10, 1992 |
| All the news that's fit                                       FINAL EDITION  |
| to print, and then some         HEADLINE SPORTS                     PAGE 20  |
|                                                            Section F: EEFL   |
|------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| Welcome back for another exciting issue of our sleaze-talk!                  |
| If you read last week's issue you'd remember the outburst of PAO's GM, Vas   |
| "the snake" Vassiliadis, against NSA. A lot of officials feared that his     |
| statements could ignite the crowd into some potentially explosive actions!   |
| Fortunately, this never happened, but the "Snake Pit" -as the PAO Athletic   |
| Field is affectionately called- was really rockin, before, during and after
|
| the game! Even though the game ended in a scoreless tie, it was a hard       |
| fought and exciting match to watch. The result makes the last session of the |
| season all the more interesting, with PAO and NSA resting at the top of the  |
| league, with only 1 point separating them. We asked some of the fans, right  |
| after the game, to tell us what they think of PAO's chances to win the       |
| ATLANTIC Division Championship:                                              |
| Don M.: Weeell; As my grandmother used to say: Hey, you never know!          |
| Steve J.: I agree with Don, here; These NSA wimps played an all-out          |
| defensive game today and they got the tie. I don't think that will be enough |
| for them, though. PAO will prevail! FORZA PAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!          |
| Crowd: PAO OLE! OLE! OLE! OLE! PAO OLE! OLE! OLE! OLE! ...                   |
| Albert F.: I think Bush is going to be re-elected, but I really hope he      |
| loses that Quayle guy!                                                       |
| Reporter: But sir, we're talking about PAO's chances to win the Championship |
| here!                                                                        |
| Albert F.: Beer? No I didn't have any! Why, you think I'm drunk or           |
| something? I bet you're a Democrat!                                          |
| Reporter: Forget it paps! Take it easy and go home before you get a heart    |
| attack!                                                                      |
| Albert F.: Fart attack? Well, that's something new! I guess you liberals     |
| won't stop at nothing to kick us out of The Office! He! He! He!              |
|                                                                              |
| After this enlightening conversation, our reporter tried to reach the        |
| officials of PAO or some of the players, but they're all unavailable for     |
| comments. All we got, was a written statement from the PR office of PAO,     |
| stating:                                                                     |
|                                                                              |
| Due to the importance of the next 3 matches, we've decided that our players  |
| will be secluded from the press, family, and friends, for the next week or   |
| so, until session G is completed! This team is going places, and it really   |
| need to concentrate on its goals (no pun intended;-)! See 'ya all at the     |
| Victory Parade next week, right after the match against the Tartan Lads (or  |
| Plaids) as we like to call them!                                             |
|                                                 Sincerely,                   |
|                                               Frank U. Kem                   |
|                                                PR Director                   |
|                                                                              |
| Following that, we sent our top-notch investigative reporter May-Fay Kisset, |
| to try and penetrate (boy, did she like that;-) the camp where all PAO's     |
| players and coaches are secluded for the next ten days. Unfortunately, we    |
| haven't heard from her for five days now! We hope to hear something from her |
| soon, otherwise we might have to report her as a reporter MIA! We don't      |
| really fear for her safety; we fear that PAO might sue us, if their players  |
| can't perform up to par in the next couple of matches!;-)                    |
| Anyway, we wish PAO good luck, and we hope to have a report on their victory |
| parade, next week, right after their match against TL!                       |
|------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
|                                Buy AMERICAN!                                 |
|                            (If you can find it!)                             |
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SAR:

A truly international flavour is hitting Southampton.  After the
addition of midfielder Brad Lyons from Down Under, the management
is pleased to announce the arrival of two experienced "players"
from Japan.  Unit Kotus will be reconverted to its original
robocop-style function and will be armed with dual 30mm cannon plus
4 heat-seeking missile pods..."please pass the ball to me, you
have five seconds to comply".   Secret agent Arsene Lupin III, master
of disguise, has just caught the 2.55 train to Hull, where he will
catch the ferry to Stockholm, home of AIK.  Rumours that Arsene
is travelling to Sweden only to subvert the so-called Black Army cannot
be confirmed or denied by our officials.  However, on arrival
yesterday he rented a copy of "Abba: The Movie" and was seen to have
a tape of "Abba's Greatest Hits" (volumes 1 and 2) in his walkman.

Argyle will throw caution to the wind in their final two regular
season games with the faint hope that the Tartan Lads will slip
up and surrender the fourth playoff spot.  Look for the away net
to burst as the LambdaChis and AIK visit the hallowed turf ...

TL:
Intel phone:  6-4668			wickart@ichips.intel.com