EEFL Original Division Final Table From: wickart@ichips.intel.com (Bill 'Prune' Wickart) Date: Thu, 13 Feb 1992 18:34:40 +0000 EXPERIMENTAL ELECTRONIC FOOTBALL LEAGUE ORIGINAL (FIRST) DIVISION FINAL RESULTS Team Pts W D L GF:GA CP TP Cash ----------------------------------------------------------------- Adirondack Automata 34 13 8 1 31: 6 6.0 10 $1625 The Minutemen 32 13 6 3 26: 5 4.0 3 $1256 FC Adelaide 30 10 10 2 14: 5 3.0 3 $1463 Marauding Math. Maund. 24 9 6 7 22:16 5.0 5 $2809 Smurfs and Friends 24 8 8 6 21:23 2.5 3 $1128 Washington Capitals 21 8 5 9 25:19 2.5 3 $ 979 Cleveland Plankton 19 6 7 9 21:20 3.0 3 $1142 Golden Horn 19 6 7 9 16:19 3.5 3 $ 578 Hampshire Eagles 19 5 9 8 14:23 2.0 3 $1001 Overwhelmed by Task 17 3 11 8 12:22 4.0 3 $1058 Westminster Uknighted 13 4 5 13 12:34 2.0 3 $ 611 Anime Hentais 12 2 8 12 8:30 3.0 3 $ 999 ----------------------------------------------------------------- MVP bonus: AA No Moves Received: none ----------------------------------------------------------------- Roster changes: PCS sends FCA: DF R. Difensiva FW R. Attacco 1 CP. FCA sends PCS: an undisclosed sum. PCS sells 1 TP to TMM for an undisclosed sum. AA buys 2 TP from CBR for $140K CBR sends 1 TP to WC WC sends $70K to CBR ----------------------------------------------------------------- Commissioner's Comments: Well, the Automata have upheld tradition -- the Cup winner takes the next season's championship. Now, let's see if the rest of you can uphold another tradition -- nobody takes two cups in a row !! After watching the other three top teams, I'm not going to give AA any more than a 25% chance, championship be hanged. Down at the other big boundary, the Eagles needed but one point to secure their place in the Cup ... and lost both matches. Golden Horn, tired from the recent surge, got the needed draw against the Smurfs, while the Plankton edged the peerage (WU) and then took the playoff spot from HE at home, 4-0. Down in the basement, WU allowed their opponents but two goals in a win and a loss, while AH held out for a pair of scoreless draws. Overall, gentlemen, thank you for a very enjoyable season; although I can't comment individually on all the neat things I saw, almost every team in this division has brought me more than one major tactical surprise, and the changes in the division table attest to those things. More than anything, the success of the new managers has been incredible -- the top three positions for the above-average teams, and a late charge by the Horn to get the last Cup slot. Watching isn't as fun as playing, but you have all made it much more fun than I ever expected. Of course, each of you should now be worrying about what the other 11 guys *did* that I found so interesting ... and I'm not telling ! ----------------------------------------------------------------- Errors and Fines: AA: $10K: tried to use a player no longer on the roster GH: $25K: tried to play a center with only one other player in the area MMM: $10K: misspelled a player's name. TMM: $10K: misspelled a player's name. WU: free: overspent on CP or TP ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 21 MMM at AH 0 - 0 (6 - 2) GK N. Gibb (0:0 0 0) (bk) GK N. Romanova (0:0 0 1) SW C. Parseval (0:0 0 0) SW K. Otonashi (0:0 0 0) (bk) DF T. Kohonen (0:1 0 0) DF Y. Godai (0:0 0 0) DF P. Wasserman (0:0 0 0) DF L. McNichol (0:1 0 0) DF H. Poincare (0:0 0 1) DF A. Moroboshi (0:0 0 0) MF F. Klein (0:1 0 0) MF R. Saotome (0:0 0 0) MF R. Poisson (0:0 0 0) MF Y. Shogo (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF S. Kovalevsky (0:0 0 0) MF N. Purpleton (0:0 0 0) MF E. EXIST (0:0 0 0) @60 FW K. Worley (0:0 0 0) FW L. Kei (0:0 0 0) FW H. Ichijoo (0:0 0 0) FW K. Uraki (0:1 0 0) UT A. Kolmogorov (0:2 0 0) UT D. Hilbert (0:2 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 21 HE at OBT 0 - 1 (5 - 3) GK A. Greenshank (-1:0 0 0) (bk) GK S. Ozawa (0:0 0 1) SW A. Martin (0:0 0 0) SW S. Armada (0:0 0 0) DF B. Rook (0:0 0 0) DF S. Sparc (0:0 0 0) @ 60 DF B. Redshank (0:0 0 0) DF G. DeSanctis (0:0 0 0) @ 30 DF M. Marietta (0:0 0 0) (sub) DF W. Star (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF T. Bateleur (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF G. Worley (0:0 0 0) MF T. Kestrel (0:0 0 0) @ 30 MF Z. Barolo (0:0 0 0) MF H. Goshawk (0:1 0 0) MF D. Quayle (0:0 0 0) MF V. Override (0:0 0 0) FW R. Fleck (0:1 0 0) FW I. Newton (0:0 0 0) FW J. Swift (0:2 0 0) FW H. Szeryng (1:3 0 0) FW J. Peregrine (0:0 0 0) UT R. Aitken (0:1 0 0) UT S. Noodle (0:0 1 1) UT B. Godwit (0:0 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 21 SF at GH 0 - 0 (5 - 6) GK W. Smurf (0:0 0 3) GK G. Saray (0:0 0 2) SW M. Smurf (0:0 0 0) SW F. Bahce (0:0 0 0) DF A. Smurf (0:0 0 0) DF H. Pasa (0:0 0 0) DF G. Smurf (0:0 0 0) DF G. Tepe (0:0 0 0) DF G. Rasputin (0:0 0 0) DF B. Cekmece (0:0 0 0) @ 60 DF K. Cekmece (0:1 0 0) (sub) MF D. Smurf (0:0 0 0) MF B. Tas (0:1 0 0) MF S. Ette (0:0 0 0) MF Y. Yurt (0:0 0 0) MF K. Smurf (0:0 0 0) FW M. Mouse (0:1 0 0) FW B. Oglu (0:0 0 0) (bk) @ 45 FW B. Karlof (0:2 0 0) FW T. Kapi (0:1 0 0) FW P. Smurf (0:2 0 0) FW M. Pasa (0:1 0 0) FW B. Koz (0:1 0 0) (sub) FW Y. Va (0:1 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 21 FCA at TMM 1 - 0 (8 - 8) GK D. Miller (0:0 0 1) GK P. Glass (-1:0 0 0) SW G. Mills (0:0 0 0) SW J. Jay (0:0 0 0) DF A. Tobin (0:0 0 1) DF A. Borodin (0:0 0 0) DF P. Okon (0:0 0 0) DF P. Casals (0:2 0 2) DF C. Ives (0:1 0 0) MF A. Vidmar (0:0 0 0) MF F. Delius (0:0 0 0) MF J. Aloisi (0:4 1 0) (bk) MF L. Janaczek (0:0 0 0) MF R. Aloisi (0:0 0 0) MF P. Schickele (0:0 0 0) MF A. Segovia (0:2 0 0) @60 FW P. Agostino (1:3 0 0) FW H. Berlioz (0:0 0 0) FW Z. Ilic (0:0 0 0) FW G. Gould (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW S. Maxwell (0:1 0 0) FW D. Lowe (0:0 0 0) UT F. Valenti (0:3 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 21 AA at WC 2 - 0 (37 - 4) GK A. Byron (0:0 0 2) GK J. Hrivnak (-2:0 0 12) SW J. Thurman (0:0 0 0) SW S. Cote (0:0 0 0) DF N. Push-down (0:0 0 0) DF M. Ferner (0:1 0 0) DF N. Wirth (0:2 0 0) DF K. Hatcher (0:0 0 0) (sub) DF R. Langway (0:0 0 0) @30 MF J. Loom (0:3 0 0) MF R. Burridge (0:0 0 0) MF Z. Worley (0:1 0 0) MF M. Pivonka (0:1 0 0) MF G. Hopper (0:0 0 0) @ 30 MF M. Ridley (0:0 0 0) MF N. Dale (0:4 1 0) (sub) MF D. Hunter (0:0 0 0) FW T. Tok (0:3 0 0) @ 60 FW S. Maltais (0:0 0 0) FW M. Wollstonecraft (0:1 0 0) (sub) FW S. Leach (0:1 0 0) FW B. Atanasoff (0:3 0 0) FW J. Druce (0:1 0 0) FW T. 99-4A (1:9 0 0) UT T. Machine (1:11 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 21 CP at WU 1 - 0 (6 - 1) GK G. Fennemore (0:0 0 0) GK J. Callaghan (-1:0 0 1) SW P. Mondrian (0:0 0 1) SW B. Gould (0:0 0 1) DF A. Burkhart (0:0 0 0) DF R. Jenkins (0:0 0 0) DF M. Roth (0:0 0 0) DF D. Hurd (0:0 0 0) (sub) DF A. Holt (0:1 0 0) DF W. Whitelaw (0:0 0 0) (bk) DF K. Baker (0:0 0 0) @45 MF H. Stickles (0:0 0 0) MF J. Smith (0:1 0 0) MF K. Engleman (0:0 0 0) MF D. Skinner (0:0 0 0) (bk) MF T. Benn (0:0 0 0) FW M. Calabretta (0:0 0 0) FW J. Major (0:0 0 0) FW A. Edmonds (1:2 0 0) FW N. Tebbit (0:0 0 0) UT C. Whittall (0:2 0 0) UT M. Hesseltine (0:0 0 0) UT L. Engleman (0:1 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 22 AH at FCA 0 - 0 (3 - 9) GK D. Openshaw (0:0 0 3) GK M. Bosnic (0:0 0 0) SW L. Minmei (0:0 0 1) SW B. Brush (0:0 0 1) DF L. McNichol (0:0 0 0) DF K. Reynolds (0:0 0 0) DF S. Lhardott (0:0 0 1) DF P. Shillebeer (0:0 0 0) DF L. Yuri (0:1 0 0) DF C. Miller (0:1 0 1) DF G. Pearce (0:1 0 0) MF C. Kanuka (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF J. Mullen (0:2 0 0) MF Y. Shogo (0:0 0 0) MF D. Mori (0:0 0 0) MF N. Purpleton (0:1 0 0) MF P. Wade (0:0 0 0) MF E. EXIST (0:0 0 0) @ 30 FW A. Rei (0:0 0 0) FW P. Agostino (0:3 0 0) FW H. Ichijoo (0:0 0 0) @ 55 FW F. Farina (0:2 0 0) FW K. Uraki (0:1 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 22 GH at AA 0 - 2 (2 - 11) GK Y. Direk (-2:0 0 2) GK C. Machine (0:0 0 0) GK A. Byron (0:0 0 1) (sub) SW J. Thurman (0:0 0 0) @60 DF H. Pasa (0:0 0 0) DF G. Flyball (0:1 0 0) DF G. Tepe (0:0 0 0) DF B. Butterfly (0:0 0 0) (sub) DF B. Cekmece (0:0 0 0) DF N. Wirth (0:0 0 0) @ 60 DF K. Cekmece (0:1 0 1) DF S. Yer (0:0 0 0) MF S. Li (0:0 0 0) MF J. Loom (0:3 0 0) MF S. Ahmet (0:0 0 0) MF A. Deetoo (0:0 0 0) MF N. Dale (0:1 0 0) FW B. Oglu (0:0 0 0) FW T. Tok (1:1 0 0) FW T. Kapi (0:1 0 0) @ 60 FW M. Wollstonecraft (1:2 0 0) FW M. Pasa (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW 5. Dalek (0:1 0 0) FW K. Toprak (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW T. 99-4A (0:2 0 0) FW Y. Va (0:0 0 0) @ 60 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 22 HE at CP 0 - 4 (3 - 17) GK I. Kipnis (-4:0 0 1) GK C. Fahlen (0:0 0 1) SW D. Montagu (0:0 0 0) SW P. Mondrian (0:0 0 0) DF M. Crow (0:0 0 3) DF A. Burkhart (1:2 0 0) (bk) DF R. Muti (0:0 0 0) @ 60 DF M. Roth (0:0 0 0) DF B. Redshank (0:0 0 1) (sub) MF T. Bateleur (0:1 0 0) MF H. Stickles (0:0 1 0) MF T. Kestrel (0:0 0 0) MF K. Engleman (0:2 0 0) MF A. Osprey (0:0 0 0) FW I. Wright (0:0 0 0) FW M. Calabretta (0:2 0 0) FW R. Fleck (0:1 0 0) @ 30 FW A. Edmonds (0:4 0 0) FW J. Swift (0:1 0 0) (sub) FW L. Gyrfalcon (0:0 0 0) UT B. Godwit (0:0 0 0) UT C. Whittall (2:3 0 0) UT L. Engleman (1:4 1 0) UT J. Kockelmans (0:0 1 1) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 22 MMM at WU 1 - 2 (5 - 9) GK N. Abel (-2:0 0 2) GK T. Heath (-1:0 0 1) SW C. Parseval (0:0 0 0) SW P. Ashdown (0:0 0 1) DF A. Cauchy (0:0 0 1) DF D. Steele (0:0 0 0) DF C. Babbage (0:0 0 1) DF G. Howe (0:0 0 0) DF D. Hurd (0:0 0 0) (sub) MF G. Mittag-Leffler (0:2 0 0) MF N. Kinnock (1:3 0 0) MF B. Riemann (0:0 0 0) MF J. Smith (0:0 1 0) MF R. Poisson (0:0 0 0) MF T. Benn (0:0 0 0) FW R. Pilatus (0:0 1 0) FW T. Dayell (1:4 0 0) FW J. Fourier (0:0 0 0) FW K. Livingston (0:2 0 0) FW E. Galois (1:2 0 0) FW D. Healy (0:0 0 0) UT K. Weierstrass (0:1 0 0) UT J. Archer (0:0 0 0) @ 45 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 22 OBT at WC 0 - 3 (0 - 12) GK F. DeSanctis (0:0 0 0) GK D. Beaupre (0:0 0 0) GK E. PERM (-3:0 0 1) SW B. DeSanctis (0:0 0 2) @ 60 SW C. Felix (0:0 0 0) SW J. Worley (0:0 0 0) (sub) SW S. Armada (0:0 0 0) (sub) DF L. Worley (0:0 0 2) DF C. Johansson (0:0 0 0) @ 30 DF M. Marietta (0:0 0 0) @ 30 DF B. Houlder (0:0 0 0) (sub) DF W. Star (0:0 0 0) DF K. Hatcher (0:0 0 0) MF V. Worley (0:0 0 0) (bk) MF P. Bondra (0:1 1 0) MF V. Override (0:0 0 0) MF R. Pearce (0:0 0 0) @ 30 MF M. Ridley (0:3 0 0) MF D. Hunter (0:2 0 0) MF C. Data (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW K. DeSanctis (0:0 0 0) FW D. Khristich (2:4 1 0) FW C. Worley (0:0 0 0) FW S. Leach (1:2 0 0) FW K. Miller (0:0 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Match 22 TMM at SF 0 - 0 (1 - 3) GK S. Prokofiev (0:0 0 0) GK B. Smurf (0:0 0 0) SW A. Schweitzer (0:0 0 0) SW M. Smurf (0:0 0 0) SW J. Jay (0:0 0 0) DF A. Borodin (0:0 0 0) DF S. McDuck (0:0 0 0) DF C. Davis (0:1 0 1) @ 60 DF G. Smurf (0:0 0 0) DF C. Ives (0:0 0 0) (sub) DF G. Rasputin (0:0 0 0) DF P. Tchaikovsky (0:0 0 0) (bk) DF E. Smurf (0:0 0 0) MF J. Brahms (0:0 0 0) MF R. Smurf (0:0 0 0) MF B. Franklin (0:0 0 0) MF V. Smurf (0:1 0 0) MF B. Simpson (0:0 0 0) FW H. Berlioz (0:0 0 0) (sub) FW B. Cat (0:1 0 0) FW G. Gould (0:0 0 0) @ 60 FW L. Smurf (0:1 0 0) FW T. Paine (0:0 0 0) (RC) @ 47 UT N. Paganini (0:0 0 0) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ AA: It couldn't get more down to the wire for the regular season title. By the time you read this, you already know the results, but just to put this agonizing situation in perspective: Assuming AA and TMM tie for most LP's, the first tie-break is scoring differential. At the beginning of session H, TMM leads this category 22-21. TMM also leads in LP's, 31-30. The problem for TMM is that he has to welcome FCA to his home turf, the most likely result of which is a 0-0 or 1-1 draw. In the meantime, AA doesn't have it all that easy, having to play a surging WC team on the road. While WC doesn't have all that much incentive to go for a big win here, he can afford to play some of his stars, denying AA a crucial win, but I'm gonna be an optimist and assume AA wins it. :) We figure the most likely result is an FCA-TMM draw with an AA win over WC, 1-0. That would put AA and TMM is a tie for first, with AA advancing on the second tiebreak, head-to-head record (1 win, 1 draw). If it weren't for AA's early win over TMM, this would go all the way down to the 6th tiebreaker: Record against the 3rd place team (FCA). AA would win that one, assuming TMM and FCA draw. Now, to answer the question burning in the back of your mind: "What does the Swami predict???" (Ok, so maybe you're more concerned about what you're having for dinner, but we need the ratings). The Swami sez: Title goes to TMM. Even though TMM has it tough with FCA and then a road match against the wily Smurfs, AA will probably only be able to pull out two draws this session. Even if AA does win a match, all TMM would have to do would be to match AA's record this session to grab the regular season title. Of course, the Swami has a record now of 7-11 thanks to the immense unpredictability of the division, so don't go betting the house on this prediction. After a disastrous second week, the Swami bounded back to mediocrity with another 3-3 week this time: Match Predicted Actual Comments CP <- AH 0-0 4-0 Watch out for CP's Engleman in the playoffs! AA <- WU 3-0 3-0 This was the first of three breaks AA needs. FCA <- WC 1-0 2-1 WC saves up for a big finish, too bad for AA. TMM <- GH 1-0 0-0 Break #2 AA needed, but AA hopes GH isn't hot. HE <- SF 0-0 1-0 HE came _this_ close to going undef. at home. MMM <- OBT 2-0 1-0 Watch out, folks. MMM wakes up to go for Cup! This session, I'll go with MMM to continue gathering momentum for the playoffs as it rolls over AH on the road, 2-0. Fighting to avoid relegation or at least be the top seed, watch for OBT to chalk up a not-too-exciting win over HE, 1-0. Next, the red hot Horn welcomes the unpredictable Smurfs to town, looking for a little payback after their loss earlier in the season (2-0, despite outshooting them 8-7). Will the Horn try to beat the Smurfs to improve its positioning for the playoffs, or will they save up to make it a "sweep" of the top three in the division? I don't think either team has too much incentive to play tough in this match, but GH will get another big shot from Oglu to get the win, 1-0, at home. In the biggest match of the session, FCA visiting the Minutemen. Two sessions ago, FCA looked untouchable, as the were floating up at the top of the division with an undefeated record and a core of goalies that had allowed only 1 shot to find the back of the net out of 68 shots by the opposition. Their good fortune didn't last them as they lost a heart-breaker to AA on the road, 2-1. And then last session, their spiral continued as Golden Horn surprised them on the road, 1-0. Are they just saving up for the playoffs, or are they saving up for the match against TMM? I think Manager Wolf is not going to want to let his great performance in the regular season go down the tubes just to save up for the playoffs...he's looking for revenge. That's why he won't give up against TMM, but his efforts will only be good enough for a 1-1 draw on the road against a very good team that knows it must not lose. Or maybe I'm just catching some spare brainwaves from Manager Ingram of AA. In the last two matches, AA visits the Capitols in an important match. AA needs two wins to have a good shot at the regular season title, but WC is not going to give up a good seed in the playoffs all that easily. Look for AA to win, 1-0, but only because it's putting in a big lineup. Press reporters will be hounding both managers to make sure no bribe money changes hands before this one, coming from either AA or TMM. Finally, I think the Plankton will continue their journey down the road to late- season respectability as the beat hapless Westminster 1-0 on the road. AH: In response to the future Mrs. Wolf's comments about Star Trek VI, manager Hernandez 1) questions the necessity of having a galley on board, except for very special occassions; 2) notes it was the Great Bird himself who first laid down the rule for Vulcan names, and 3) sympathizes with the future Mrs. Wolf about how David Kirk died. "He may have been handsome and well-proportioned, but in the end, the actor died of AIDS." In response to OBT's attempt at a promotional film, Manager Hernandez had this to say to Manager Buffum: "You may have a winless streak going, but at least you haven't been losing! I mean, take a look at us! One win against CP in Session A and another against WU in Session E. Even WU has been doing better than us: wins against us in A, against GH in D, and against OBT just this last week! Winless streak indeed." Finally, as the regular season comes to a close, and the Cup and Relegation Tournaments begin, Manager Hernandez is astounded at the number and amount of rumors flying of betting in the Original Division. CP: FCA: Dear Mr Wolf, Here is my report on the activities of the AA Swami, Steve Buffum, and Jon Gibson, as you requested on the 6th of February, 1992. My first stop was the headquarters of the Great Swami of AA, in Washington, where I posed as one of his Bookies (Disciples). It soon became clear to me that the Swami was making a hell of a lot of money from his illegal gambling operations. I was soon given the chance to meet this great man, but as I entered his office, I was greeted by none other that AA manager Doug Ingram, who recognised me despite my disguise, and I had to make a quick retreat before those two burly guys with big sticks caught me. It was a good job that I had spent some time early in the season training with the FCA squad whilst doing a profile on the new boys for the Smurfs. I then headed to the University of Texas, where I disguised myself as one of Dan Quayles Press Advisors - a good move as he never uses them - and was able to infiltrate the inner echelons of the OBT team without any difficulty. Here I discovered that OBT Manager Steve Boffum has deliberately and maliciously set his team up as a group of incompetents so as to finish in the last 4 of the League, and thus qualify for the Relegation Playoff. He then plans to lose these playoffs (he has instructed his goalkeeper to let a goal in if his forwards somehow manage to fluke a goal during one of these games). He has also sent numerous members of his team off on Sabotage Runs to opposition games as trials for next season, in which he hopes to totally and utterly dominate the Second Division - by fair means or foul (mainly foul, by the sounds of it). I then slipped across to the camp of TMM, where I followed manager Jon Gibson for a couple of days. During this time I observed the following events: - Gibson shovelling piles of used notes into a number of briefcases in his office; - A secret meeting with AH player Rauma Saotome where Gibson arrived with one of the above mentioned briefcases, and departed without it; - Long discussions with groundstaff about rigging the home Dressing Room so that his players would not perform at their best in the up-coming clash with FCA; - A quick flight to Washington to see the Swami, where another briefcase was left behind; - a visit to the Commissioner, MR. WICKART, where the final briefcase was deposited. RECOMMENDATION It is clear to me that something strange is going on here, and if I were you, I'd get in touch with Mr. Gibson, and see if he can't find it in his heart to give you one of those Briefcases when you meet in Session H. Yours Sincerely, ICAN SEEYU, PRIVATE EYE. GH: the top four teams in the rankings. After our incredible, unbelievable results against TMM and FCA, coach Farhi has visions of Coach of the Year awards if we can sweep SF and AA in session H. Of course, the stars he is seeing might be entirely due to the sleep deprivation experiments that he has been participating in, courtesy of his new-born son, Jaime Scott (who at 10lb5oz looks like a 'B' FW, somewhere umpteen years down the road. "You know", he has been heard to say, "you go into a session thinking you have a chance for a MVP and you walk away with one point; in session G, I thought we would be lucky not to get blown away in the first match!" HE: -- St. Andrews Herald -- 'Whoops! What was that??' The proverbial 'THAT' was the Eagles home record. With a narrow victory against the Smurfs to retain local fan faith in the Eagles tender ability, AA came marching into St. Andrews with automated guns and boots blazing. Sterling defence work and total ineptitude from the AA front men kept the Eagles in the hunt. But it wasn't to be, with manager Playford leaping in and out of the dugout due to the suspense of the occassion; it was with tear filled eyes that he saw the 68th minute winner from T.Tok sail slowly into the net. The Eagles virtue had come unstuck! 'If Alvin had been in there we'd have been saved' commented Playford. Sadly it was true that Alvin Martin, the swifty SW, on the Eagles books had been benched to keep him fresh for the trials to come. 'I'm sure he'll set me to rights when and if we reach the playoffs.' The Eagles future in the Original Division is still in the balance. Games with OBT and CP, both away should determine if the Eagles are still fit for the top flight. MMM: OBT: From Alan Moore's "The Watchmen", which probably quoted it from elsewhere; it is an old joke. It is paraphrased. Man walks into a psychiatrist's office and looks totally despondent. "Doc," he says, "life seems to have no meaning, no joy. Everything I do seems meaningless and hopeless. I'm at my wit's end. You gotta help me." Psychiatrist says, "I have just the thing. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. He is sure to raise your spirits, so go see him tonight." Man bursts into tears. "But doctor," he sobs, "I AM Pagliacci." Now replace "life" with "the EEFL", "man" with "Steve Buffum", and "Pagliacci" with "OBT". Equally funny, in my opinion. SF: TMM: Minutemen Coach "Fats" Gibson denied all rumours today and said that until somebody actually found some hard evidence and not just accusations, he felt that the whole thing should be laid to rest. He also decried the freezing of the club's Swiss Bank Account but said it was of little consequence as the team kept most of its money in the early '80's... "Until anyone can prove anything, and they can't, I think that freezing the clubs post-season party funds was not called for and just plain unfair to our players!" "Fats" then released his own odds of 20-1 against Jeff Okamoto having one "bigger than Bill's;" and agreed with Swarmi for the most part except AA should be at 2.5-1 and MMM at 3.5-1. Coach Gibson came out in support of his good friend Steve "I AM NOT afraid to coach in the" Buffum, saying that he felt that Alan was "just being a big meany and should pick on someone his own size, like the Smurfs." WC: WU: Well, it looks like WU are confirmed favorites for relegation this season. Not even a miracle can save them from the playoffs. Intel phone: 6-4668 wickart@ichips.intel.com Up