TWIW From: Michael Rosen <mirrosen@silver.ucs.indiana.edu> Date: Thu, 05 Mar 1992 07:07:05 +0000 *********************************************************************** This Week in Wrestling This show is a joint production of UWeMail and the Lightfinger Sporting Network, and is property of the World Electronic Wrestling Federation, all rights reserved, (c) 1992. This show is brought to you by Busch Light, the Beer Drinkers Beer, Budweiser, the King of Beers and Molson Export. Nothing halfway about it, Ex says it all! Magilla: Hi, this is Magilla Mongoose... Wince: ...I'm Wince McLady... Misty: ...and I'm Misty Radisson... All: Welcome to This Week in Wrestling! Magilla: We'll be comin' atcha each week, investigating the week that was, and pondering the week that will be in this crazy world of e-wrestling. Our roving reporter, Green Jean Oktoberfest, will bring us up to date on all the latest rumours. And our special guests will give their expert opinions on what could happen in the near future! Wince: There's been some confusion about what is going on in the TWIW title situation, and we'll hope to have that taken care of in this edition. Magilla: Unfortunately, Misty Raddison is still recovering from her match at the UeWF SuperCard, so she in attendance today. Wince: We will have her match and many others from the 2 supercards this week. Magilla: Let's get started with Grean Jean Oktoberfest, and the Rumor Mill! *********************************The Rumor Mill******************************** **************************With Green Jean Oktoberfest************************** GJ: This has been a busy week in e-wrestling, and we have many rumors to show for it! Many wrestlers in e-wrestling are furious over the bad name that the booked e-wrestling of the FWF is giving them. Lurch is thinking about adopting Crazy Jay! The Hoosiers are thinking about calling it quits after their poor showings as of late. Another skirmish between the Mage's Gallery and TNT Enterprises: This time, Morganna The Kissing Bandit and Katrina of the HellKats were arguing over personal space and they started to shove each other. All parties involved are denying that this took place. Mark DeMandable got stood for so many dates this week that he has trouble sitting down. Ace Diamond's newest wrestler in the UeWF will be current FWF Intercontinental Champion Blue Steele, whom he already manages in the FWF. Misty Raddison will need to have surgery to replace the damage that I gave her at the SuperCard. The Baboon Machine is realy Magilla Mongoose! ****************************************************************************** Magilla: I'm being joined here now my Mark DeMandable... <The broadcast area echoes in a chorus of boos> DeMandable: Sitdown you spudheads, and go get yourself another round of popcorn while you listen to a man of class and intelligence. Magilla: Well, it looks like we don't have a challenger this week for the TWIW title... DeMandable: You mean I came to this rat-infested arena for no purpose? Magilla: Well, due to administrative errors, we were unable to get a proper challenger... DeMandable: Quoting you, 'Gimme a break!' Magilla: We go to Wince McLady, who's about to interview the TWIW TV champion, the Hangman! McLady: I'm heading into the locker room area, where I'll ask the champion some questions...Wait a second. What are you doing here, Ace? Diamond: "McLady, I'm here for one sole purpose. My men have wrestled for 6 months in the UFWS and UeWF. Not once have they been approached for title matches. Are you going to deny my men's stature in the world of professional wrestling?" McLady: No... Diamond: Then why has the #1 non-champion in the UFWS, Cannonball Calhoun, been ignored? Need I remind you that he took Brewster Cogburn to the limit twice, beating him? What about him finishing third in the Slick Ric Tournament? And what about finishing third in the Royal Rumble at the Summit? What about Powerhouse Pruitt? Top ten in the UeWF since day one, the strongest man in E-wrestling, and one of the most popular? Brimstone Baxter, he also finished in the top 5 at the Royal Rumble. You tell me that these credentials are not enough. McLady: Unfortunately, Ace, there have been several miscues in the flow of information between the hierarchy of the UeWF and of TWIW. Diamond: (irate) THAT'S BULL! Fine...If you don't want to grant any of my three wrestlers a rightful TV title match, I may be forced to publicize those tapes of you, Vince...Remember last Friday at the pier? <The Hangman comes out of the locker room, points at Diamond, then at his noose and then at the ring. He then walks to the ringside area> McLady: I think we have a challenge! Daimond: And Powerhouse Pruitt will be there! POWEREHOUSE, GET YOUR TAIL OUT HERE AND INTO THE RING! Magilla: We're back at ringside, and the Hangman is in the ring, waiting for a challenger. DeMandable: Or hoping one won't show up! Magilla: After all this time as champ, you still won't give him his due? DeMandable: Hell no, not after the way he made Goliath take the fall for his knocking around the Commish of the IWF! Magilla: But it was Goliath! DeMandable: How do you know? He was wearing a mask! Magilla: The crowd is going wild, here comes the Powerhouse! DeMandable: There's no ref, this match is unsanctioned. Magilla: In one quick motion the Powerhouse grabs the top rope and vaults into the ring! DeMandable: And the Hangman is on him in a second! He's starting much quicker than usual. Magilla: They're both trading big forearms! Who will tire first? Headbutt by the Hangman! DeMandable: I guess he's the one getting tired. Magilla: Irish Whip by the Hangman, sending the Powerhouse into the corner. DeMandable: But the Powerhouse runs out and shoulder blocks the Hangman. Magilla: Neither man gets knocked down. DeMandable: Had it been the Plaid Powerhouse, the Hangman would be counting sheep right about now. Magilla: Gimme a break DeMandable! DeMandable: They're going into a test of strength. Magilla: Half the crowd is cheering for the Hangman, and half for the Powerhouse! DeMandable: You're forgetting about the half that's asleep! Magilla: The Hangman backs the Powerhouse into the corner, clean break... How often do you see that? DeMandable: Only when two pansies are in the ring. A real wrestler would have used this to his advantage! Magilla: Arm bar by the Powerhouse, but the Hangman picks him up and slams him! DeMandable: Powerhouse holds on! He picks the Hangman up with the arm, and turns it into a hammerlock. Magilla: He's goes to lift it into a flying chickenwing, but the Hangman clocks him with a big elbow. DeMandable: He follows through with an Axe handle! Now we're getting some excitement! Magilla: The Hangman picks up the Powerhouse and nails him with an Atomic knee drop! DeMandable: He drops an elbow! Powerhouse is hurting... Magilla: He's about to go for a pin, when he realizes there's no ref! He goes to drop another elbow... DeMandable: Powerhouse moves out of the way! That masked idiot wasted too much time worrying about a pin. Magilla: Powerhouse Pruitt picks up the Hangman and standing cloheslines him! DeMandable: I'll give him credit, I didn't think he'd get the bigger man down! Magilla: Pruit drops a couple quick knees on the Hangman's forehead! DeMandable: Ace Diamond is hollaring for him to finish him off. Magilla: Powerhouse picks up his big opponent and powerbombs him! DeMandable: He goes for the cover! What's he thinking? Magilla: Diamond hops in the ring and counts! DeMandable: 1! 2! 3!!!!!! Magilla: But does it count? DeMandable: Anything to get the belt away from that stupid lug! Magilla: Diamond is grabbing the microphone! Diamond: I hope all you disbelievers are happy! I knew that maggot they called the Hangman was a no-good worthless bum! The Hangman is dead! I'd like to introduce a new era in e-wrestling, with the NEW TWIW TV CHAMPION, POWERHOUSE PRUITT!!! Magilla: He raises the Powerhouse's hand, and the crowd really pops for him! DeMandable: Not the Hung Jury! They're giving him the thumbs down! Magilla: The Hangman is looking at them, as if for an answer! DeMandable: Wait, the Hangman clotheslines the Powerhouse from behind! He's not taking this standing down! I love it! Magilla: Pruitt sails over the top rope! He lands hard on his head! DeMandable: He grabs Ace Diamond! A manager, some tough gut he is! Magilla: The Hangman hip tosses Diamond across the ring like a sack of potatoes! DeMandable: He running clotheslines Ace and about takes his head off! Magilla: Powerhouse Pruitt is still down outside the ring! There's no call for this! DeMandble: A fan has tossed his noose into the ring! He's going to hang Diamond! Magilla: He slips the noose around Diamond's neck! Diamond's not a wrestler, he can't take this kind of abuse! DeMandable: Here comes Cannonball Calhoun and Brimstone Baxter! Magilla: Calhoun makes it in the ring first and whacks the Hangman with the ringbell! DeMandable: Baxter then grabs the Hangman and nails him with a Russian Leg Trip! Magilla: Powerhouse Pruitt has made it back into the ring. He picks up the Hangman and gorilla presses him! DeMandable: He tosses the larger man over the top ropes and into the third row! Magilla: An amazing display of power! The Hangman gets up, but he doesn't look like he knows where he is! He stumbles his way back to the dressing room. DeMandable: Now the three men are tending to their manager. He's lucky to have gotten out with his life. Magilla: Indeed, but these guys showed wrestling something.... DeMandable: Yah, if you can't beat someone up 1 on 1, go for 3 on 1! Magilla: NO! That they are a force to be reckoned with, and if you mess with their manager, they'll make payback! DeMandable: So who gets the belt? Magilla: I don't know! We'll have to get back to the fans on this! DeMandable: I'm outta here! Magilla: We have here a video tape of a very shocking newcomer to e-wrestling... <Roll Tape> ****************************************************************************** (Camera opens to a jungle clearing deep inside the Congo River Basin. Bwana "The Great White Hunter" is standing in the clearing in full safari gear holding a rifle.) Bwana: On a recent safari into the deepest darkest regions of the Congo, I made a startling discovery. I found a lone person, a woman, living out here among the animals. Her parents had been great hunters such as myself and had gotten killed on safari and she had been left in this place as a child to be raised in the wilderness. I found her and decided that she was what I needed to make my 'Tribe of Terror' complete. I have taken it upon myself to help civilize this force of nature and bring her to the UeWF. I give you SHANA THE JUNGLE WOMAN! (an ear-splitting Tarzan type yell is heard above the verious other sounds) (Camera pans upward to see a well-built woman with long blonde hair and wearing leopard skins swinging on a vine near the clearing. She lets go of it in mid air and does a triple flip before landing at Bwana's side) Bwana: She'll be debuting in a few weeks because I feel that she still has a ways to go in her education of civilization before it will be safe to allow her to interact with others. Otherwise who knows what she might do. Her English is still a little shaky, but I think she knows enough to let you know what is on her mind. Shana: Me Shana, mighty hunter, mighty warrior. None in the Jungle can defeat Shana. Bwana, here, has come to guide Shana to UeWF where he tells me (Pulls out a large knife) that I may skin elephants. Elephants such as Large Marge, Lizzie Borden, and Binkie Horowitz. UeWF will know the fury of Shana! (Lets out a Tarzan yell). (End tape) Magilla: We now go to words from a man that now goes by the name of Fair Play.... Wince: You and I knew him as Freddie Fitness... <Roll Tape> Fair Play: "Zangief, I have seen you fall, and the Black Tiger has proven you a mortal man, by defeating you. I, the voice of FAIR PLAY and good in the WEWF, now challenge you to a match. Bring your worst, because "...a good man's BEST will always beat, a bad man's WORST...". " "Black Tiger, I throw my hat into your Battle Royal challenge also. Once I have cleansed the WEWF of the cancerous growth, known as Zangief the terrible, I will deal with you!" <End Tape> Wince: Next we have words from a man who has been showing some class and dignity in the brutal world of e-wrestling... Magilla: You mean the General, of course! Wince: Actually, I was referring to Gentleman Jim Nice... <Roll Tape> Jim Nice: "General, you think you can get fat off me? You caught me off guard with your challenge, but next time we meet, I will be prepared" "Zangief, I have not forgotten what you did to me, and I will deal with you, once you've had a dose of FAIR PLAY..." "Halloween, you are next! I challenge you to a match!" <End Tape> Wince: Next we take a look at a despicable lot who have been demonstrating no respect to e-wrestling at all! Magilla: You mean the 4 corners are back? Wince: No, I mean the Cochon Brothers! <Roll Tape> Cochon's Pattiserie, Maurice "Mad Cat" Cochon enters with an eye patch over one eye... Paul: "How is your eye after that match..." Maurice: "OK, but wow, the Law is a tough bunch, thought we had them there, but they cheat almost as good as we do..." Paul: "Next time, we will be ready for them... and there will be a next time" (Both turn to the "Camera" ) Maurice: "Law, you beat us this time, but next time we will be ready, MEOW! Fsst! Fsst!" Paul: "Flint and Steel, you have the Law this week, so we'll have to find someone else to vent our WRATH on!" Maurice: "Hoosiers, you ducked us once, this time, you MUST FIGHT!" Paul: "And WEWF, you haven't got any idea what we've got up our sleeves" <End Tape> Magilla: Next we go to a group that's been on a tear as of late. Wince: Indeed, more than victory, they are on a rampage of destruction! (Camera opens to a ring in the middle of a gym. A steel cage has been erected around the ring. The Annihilation Alliance can be seen inside the cage practising for their Doomsdome match at Grapplemania. They are fighting 4 sparing partners at once, 2 of whom are already unconscious. Bwana is outside the ring yelling instructions to the AA) Bwana: Members of my "Tribe of Terror", have been very busy lately. I have them on a vigorous exercise program that will ensure that when Grapplemania comes around they will be ready to disarm the Armed Forces, and overpower the Powerteam. (The Unknown Assailant bashs one of the sparing partners heads into the cage. Blood pours down the man's face.) Bwana: (To the Assailant): You call that inflicting damage!? I want to hear that sucker's neck break! Keep working on it! Bwana: (back to the camera): The Annihilation Alliance along with the Headbangers, are gonna be ready to cause damage on a scale not seen since the last San Francisco earthquake. You see we can't lose. The only way to be eliminated is if you can't continue. Now take a good long look at my boys in the ring, do any of you seriously think that either of them will ever surrender? WELL NEITHER DO I! (Bwana passes the Graverobber's shovel through the cage to him. The Graverobber smashes it against the back of the head of one of the men he's fighting. The man falls to the floor completely unconcious) Bwana: (To GR): You wimp! Can't you hit any harder than that!? And next time use the sharp edge! Bwana: (back to the camera): Well as you can see there are still a few minor bugs to work out, because as far as I'm concerned I won't let them stop until they have reached the pinnacle of destruction and cruelty, and then I will push them a little farther. So if any of you are betting men, you should take your entire life savings and put it on the AA, because its as close to a sure thing as you'll ever see. (Camera comes up against the cage to watch the action. As it approaches, the Unknown Assailant launches a punch through the cage towards the camera. The last thing seen before the picture goes black is the lens shattering under the impact of his fist) Voice of Bwana: Is that as hard as you can punch!?........ (sound fades out) Magilla: Let's go next to a tape of man who's been hitting it off very well with our lady wrestling fans. (Scene Hawaii's north shore. 30 foot waves pound the shore. The camera pans out to see one lone surfer paddling out to meet this awesome challenge. The camera zooms in for a closeup revealing the surfer to be "Fabulous" Eddie Awesome. Eddie's voice can be heard above the crash of the waves) [Voice of Eddie]: You know whenever I need time to sort out my problems I wax up my favorite board and come out here for some relaxation. Of course you shouldn't find it too hard to believe that what I do to relax would kill most normal people, but then I'm no average person. (Camera shows Eddie catching a massive wave and standing up as he rides its crest) [Voice]: I feel that I need to do some soul searching. I know I'm not the most loved person in the UeWF but that doesn't matter to me. What does matter is how I feel about myself. Has my career continued to progress as I want it to, and has Bwana managed me down the correct path. (As the wave curls Eddie disappears beneath the mountain of water momentarily then he reemerges from the curl and continues to ride the wave to shore) [Voice]: The answer becomes obvious.... OF COURSE! True I've run into a bit of trouble in the last week or two, but as always I plan, with a little help from my manager, to rebound back to the greatness I truly deserve. So to all of you people who have started to count me out, you'd better have eyes in the backs of your heads cause Eddie Awesome is here to stay! (Eddie rides the wave all the way to shore, and carries his board with him up the beach. Numerous bikini clad women, one bearing a striking resemblence to Misty Radisson, crowd around him cheering him on) Eddie: Well, ladies, how was that? All the women: That was FABULOUS!!! (Zoom in to his face) Eddie: What else could you expect from the Totally Awesome Dude? (fade out) Magilla: This was a very big week in the WeWF, with both a SuperCard and a regular card. Wince: First let's look at some of the matches from the SuperCard... Wince: "Irish" Mike Flint and Frank Steel have been making a comeback as of late. Let's see their big matchup, in a losers-manager-gets- their-hair-died-green matchup, already in progress... <Roll Tape> Wince: "Guido locks up with Flint, who grabs him by the hair..." Baboon: "He may not be able to do that again for a while after this match!" Wince: "... and throws him over the top rope!" Baboon: "Guido rolls back in, and Flint tags to Steel, who slams Guido and goes for a pin." Wince: "Nope, Guido kicks out." Baboon: "The two wrestlers bounce off the ropes and shoulderblock each other... nobody goes anywhere!" Wince: "They try again, and again neither one budges! They go off the ropes a third time... drop toe hold by Guido! What a maneuver! He tags to Nunzio, who stomps on Steel." Baboon: "Nunzio picks Steel up and powerslams him." Wince: "Nunzio tries for a pin, but Steel kicks out." Baboon: "Da Boss is talking to the referee about the speed of that count, and meanwhile Guido steps into the ring and punches Steel." Wince: "Guido suplexes Steel and tries for a pin. One, two, kickout." Baboon: "Again the referee is being distracted by Da Boss! Nunzio steps in to double team Steel, but Molly Maguire throws a hard hat to Flint, who clears the ring with it!" Wince: "And he tosses it back to Molly just as the referee turns around." Baboon: "Nunzio cautiously gets back into the ring while the referee is escorting Flint back to his corner." Wince: "Nunzio tries an elbow drop... nobody home! Steel dives and makes the tag to Flint!" Baboon: "But the referee didn't see it, the tag was literally made behind his back!" Wince: "Nunzio drags Steel back into the middle of the ring and tags out to Guido." Baboon: "Guido goes for a pin on Steel, but Steel tags out. Frank Steel suplexes Guido and tags to Flint! This time the referee sees it! Flint whips Guido off the ropes and elbows him! Nunzio tries to get in, and Flint clotheslines him over the top rope!" Wince: "Guido is back on his feet, and Flint slams him! Flint goes to the top rope for an elbow drop, but Guido rolls away! Guido gets back up and DDT's Flint! One, two, three!" Baboon: "Da Boyz win the match! That has to be a big feather in their cap, they just defeated one of the premier teams in e-wrestling!" Wince: "They ARE on of the premier teams in e-wrestling. Da Boss is stalking towards Molly Maguire, but she looks ready to beat him to a pulp if he comes any closer." Baboon: "Nunzio comes up from behind her and sprays her with green hair spray!" Wince: "The job is done! Some of the hair spray got on her skin, and now she looks sort of like the She-Hulk (tm)." Baboon: "Flint and Steel give her a hard hat to wear while they escort her back to the locker room." <End Tape> Wince: The WeWF also had a regular card that had some intense action. Magilla: Let's go to a match featuring Zagief the Terrible and the Black Tiger fighting for the US title... <Roll Tape> Rusty: "Tiger bounces off the ropes... spinning kick! Zangief staggers back, but quickly recovers." Vague: "Zangief presses Black Tiger and slams him from overhead!" Rusty: "But Black Tiger does a kip up, and then armdrags Zangief and puts him in an armlock." Vague: "Black Tiger bounces Zangief off the ropes and dropkicks him! Tiger is going to the top rope... flying elbow drop!" Rusty: "One, two, Zangief kicks out." Vague: "Zangief rakes Black Tiger's face, then kicks him in the midsection." Rusty: "Now Zangief is going to work on Black Tiger. A series of axehandles to the back." Vague: "Black Tiger punches Zangief in the stomach, then delivers a neckbreaker." Rusty: "A back and forth match... Black Tiger delivers a cradle suplex. He has Zangief pinned! One, two, three!" Vague: "Black Tiger is the winner, and still champion!" <End Tape> Wince: The Black Tiger challenged all the wrestlers of the WeWF to a cage battle royal to determine the US champion. Magilla: A strong challenge from a man already holding the belt. Wince: The General had these words relating to the challenge... <Roll Tape> General: Black Panther, you claim that you have no competition in the WeWF! Well, I've been chasing the World title for a long time, and if I go after the US belt too, you'll have all the competition you need! If you have the guts to go through with this cage match, as will my men the Hoosiers! We'll see exactly how tough you are!" <End Tape> Magilla: Strong words from the General. Wince: You know, I make it a policy never to put my money against him. Magilla: A strong policy indeed. Wince: Next lets look at a taped match between the Cochons and the WeWF tag champs, the LAW, already in progress... <Roll Tape> Rusty: "Maurice tags in Paul, and they work on Judge Dredd." Vague: "They're working on the big man's legs. Paul "The Baker" twists Dredd's ankle and streches his hamstring." Rusty: "Now Paul tags to Maurice, who steps in and stomps on the injured leg." Vague: "Dredd is trying to limp away, but Maurice lifts him up and gives him an atomic knee breaker!" Rusty: "Maurice bounces off ropes and splashes Dredd, but Dredd kicks out." Vague: "Maurice tries to take Dredd back to The Cochons' corner, but Dredd rakes him in the eyes and tags out to Anderson." Rusty: "Anderson drops Maurice with a flying clothesline! Judge Anderson picks Maurice up for a suplex, but Paul reaches in and trips Anderson, and Maurice falls on top of Judge Anderson!" Vague: "But Anderson kicks out. Maurice tags out to Paul. Paul whips Anderson off the ropes, but Anderson hits him with a cross-body block! One, two, kickout." Rusty: "The Law almost had a victory right there. Paul bounces off the ropes, but Machiavelli trips him. Anderson pushes Paul Cochon into The Law's corner, and tags in Dredd for some double teaming." Vague: "The fans don't seem to have decided who to root for." Rusty: "Dredd gives Paul Cochon a backbreaker. And another! And another! What a show of strength!" Vague: "Dredd tries a body slam, but Paul goes over his shoulder, then pushes him toward the ropes and rolls him up for a pin!" Rusty: "Anderson jumps off the top rope and drops a knee on Paul Cochon! The referee was trying to get Maurice Cochon and Machiavelli off the ring apron and didn't see it." Vague: "Now he turns around, and Judge Dredd has Paul pinned. One, two, three!" Rusty: "The Law win!" <End Tape> Wince: The Cochon brothers learned quickly that it takes more than just cheap talk to come into a federation and win the world belts immediately. Magilla: Lets take a look at one more WeWF match, featuring the Sandman as he defends his World Title against Metal. <Roll Tape> Vague: "Metal slams The Sandman! Then he whips the champion off the ropes and clotheslines him!" Rusty: "The Sandman backs into a corner and is begging for mercy, but Metal isn't going to show any." Vague: "The Sandman was just faking, he leaps out and clotheslines Metal!" Rusty: "Metal elbows The Sandman, then puts him in a headlock." Vague: "Reversed into a hammerlock by Sandman." Rusty: "Metal grabs the ropes, and the referee asks for a clean break." Vague: "He doesn't get one! The Sandman pummels Metal, who gets tangled in the ropes!" Rusty: "The Sandman charges Metal, who puts his foot up and The Sandman runs into it!" Vague: "Metal untangles him self, then picks The Sandman up over his shoulder and powerslams him!" Rusty: "One, two, three! We have a new World Champion!" Vague: "Metal defeats The Sandman to win the WeWF World Title!" Rusty: "Give The Sandman credit, he held that belt for almost a month." <End Tape> Magilla: An impressive win for Metal! Wince: Indeed, he is a rising superstar in e-wrestling! Magilla: The recent UeWF Grapplemania featured many exciting belts. Wince: Next, we go to a match featuring two of our own leading ladies, Misty Raddison and Green Jean Oktoberfest! <Roll Tape> Coward: Entering the ring first, TWIW's first lady of rumors, led by her tagteam partner, Lizzie "The Axe" Borden, Green......Jean......OKTOBERFEST!!!! [The crowd goes wild as Lizzie and Green Jean make their way ringside, Green Jean high fives the fans all the way down to the ring. Eventually, the noise dies down, and Coward continues.] Coward: And her opponent, formerly of the EMWA, and TWIW, the UeWF's very own first lady......accompanied ringside by TNT Enterprises' Powerhouse Pruitt.....Misty Raddison!!!! [The Crowd explodes as Misty comes out to "Here She Comes, Miss America", riding all the way to ringside on Powerhouse Pruitt's shoulder, her sequined robe reflecting like a thousand points of light.] Vince: It looks like both of these ladies have quite a following, DeMandable. DeMandable: *whiplasssshh* *whiplasssshh* Uh what? Excuse me? Vince: What was that? DeMandable: I said doesn't Pruitt look cute, and...... [The crowd erutps again as Misty disrobes...] Vince: *Gawk* DeMandable: Uh...Did anyone tell Misty she has to wrestle in that outfit? I've seen more cotton in a medicene bottle! Not that I'm complaining... Vince: Uh..you go ahead, I'm gonna get the censor dot ready..... DeMandable: Well there's the bell, and Green Jean goes right at Misty, but Misty ducks out of the ring. Hello Coward. Coward: This is Coward Pickle sitting in for Vince McMayonaisse... DeMandable: You don't say? Well first Misty where's an outfit to the ring, Sensational Sherry wouldn't even wear and now she's running around outside the ring. Is this Crazy Tag or a wrestling match? Coward: I think I'd watch out DeMandable, Pruitt might here you... DeMandable: Oooooo, look at me shake! *whiplassssh!* Coward: Oh just stop. There Misty's back in the ring, and Green Jean's right after again. Misty tries to slip out again...but Green Jean's got her by the hair and she won't let go! DeMandable: Boy, Misty's lucky....you know what they say...no brain.... Coward: Did you see that look Pruitt just gave you? I'd lay off.... Green Jean's pulled Misty back into the ring and now she's going to work with an armbar on Raddison. DeMandable: And look at that egghead Pruitt! He's hollering advice! Like Misty might understand what he's saying! Coward: Well she just might! Misty reverses the move and now she's got Green Jean in a chicken wing! That's better wrestling then I expected to see from Misty Raddison. DeMandable: ANY wrestling, is more than I expected! Green Jean's got the ropes, and Misty breaks the hold...but she kicks Green Jean in the butt first! Coward: Oktoberfest is steamed and she's after Misty again! Misty decides discretion is the better part of valour and dives out of the ring once again, but this time she runs into Lizzie Borden! DeMandable: Borden grabs her by what little of her tights there is and heaves her back into the ring! Coward: Green Jeans got a hold of Raddison now, but wait what is this? The Destroyers and The Valkyries have just leapt out from the stands and are quadruple teaming Lizzie Borden! DeMandable: Green Jean's got Misty up and she gives her a butt buster! And another! Look at Misty howl! I wonder Green Jean knows what's happening to her partner? Coward: I think she does now! Look at her truck! She dives over the top rope on to the pile and all six women crash to the floor! DeMandable: Here come the HellKats from the Locker room, they're supposed to wrestle The Vlakyries later tonight, but it looks like they can't wait! And Misty's still sitting in the middle of the ring rubbing her butt! I'm surprised Pruitt hasn't offered to kiss it and make it better yet! Coward: Oh please!! There's a regular pier six brawl going on outside the ring Lizzie just cracked someone with a chair and now Hildegard, Radegund, Katrina, Katherine have singled one another out and are at each other ttoth and nail. DeMandable: Lizzie clocks one of the Destroyers with a chair! Who'd she hit that first time? Coward: I don't know but the referee has signaled for the bell to end the match. The HellKats and The Valkyries have spilled into the ring and Misty's caught right in the middle! DeMandable: Lizzie Borden's the only one still standing outside the ring, I guess she must have nailed Green Jean with the chair by mistake, and here come a horde of referee's to break up the melee between the Valkyries and The HellKats! Coward: Misty in there somewhere, wait there she is and ooops I think she lost something! DeMandable: Pruitt the Puppy Dog is there with an overcoat to make the save, That guy is REAL annoying! Coward: The referee has appearantly counted out Green Jean Oktoberfest! That means the winner by count out is Misty Raddison!!! <End Tape> Wince: Indeed, the UeWF had one of the more memorable SuperCards in recent history. I see that my cue to leave now... DeMandable: All right, I'm back, whattya want Mongoose! Magilla: I've received a special bulletin from the TWIW championship committee! There are two major items of note! DeMandable: Well don't just sit there, spit it out! Magilla: First, A week from Sunday, we will be hosting the crowning of the first TWIW TV Tag Team Champions! DeMandable: Wow, that's big news! I'll let the Highlanders know to make room on their trophy rack! Magilla: They're not elligible! DeMandable: Well who is? Magilla: The 4 reigning tag team champions in the IWF, WeWF, and UeWF will be elligible along with 4 teams to be picked by the championship committee. DeMandable: So what's the other big news? Magilla: The championship committee has strongly reprimanded Ace Diamond and his men, and declared the bout null and void. DeMandable: So the Hangwoman escapes without a real match? What a crock! Magilla: I've received first hand that the UeWF has sent late word that Freddie Fitness will be their designated challenger for the TV crown. DeMandable: But the Hangman already wrestled, what a bunch of idiots! Magilla: But not officially, we've got to get back to ringside. DeMandable: I better be getting overtime for this, Mongoose! <After some shuffle> Magilla: Freddie "Fair Play" Fitness is waiting in the ring, while his hooded manager stands outside. DeMandable: I don't like that guy. Magilla: Fitness or the Hooded Stranger? DeMandable: Yes! Magilla: Which? DeMandable: Don't you have anything better to do? Start announcing! Magilla: The Hangman is coming down to ringside, to a huge crowd ovation! DeMandable: Look how slow he's moving, you can tell that he's hurt! Magilla: He enters the ring, and Fitness puts him into a headlock right away. He's not wasting any time. DeMandable: I don't like this new look Fitness has, but anyone would be a better champion than this piece of garbage Hangman. Magilla: Fitness switches to a front headlock, and then hits the Hangman with a devastating neckbraker! DeMandable: If the Hangman was fresh, Freddie would've never have hit it. Magilla: Only a 2 count, and the Hangman slowly rises. DeMandable: Fitness goes for another headlock! Magilla: Atomic knee drop by the Hangman! DeMandable: He's not wasting any time with a cheapshot clothesline from behind either! Magilla: He goes to the top rope! He's looking to end this early! DeMandable: He better hurry, Fitness is getting up! Magilla: Flying Axe-handle by the Hangman! DeMandable: No, Fitness beat him to the punch with a shot to the midsection! Magilla: A snap suplex by Fitness and the Hangman is motionless on the canvas. DeMandable: Fitness now climbs the top rope... He's going to drop a big elbow and end this match quick! Magilla: NOBODY HOME! DeMandable: Fitness is clutching his elbow, he looks hurt! Magilla: The Hangman throws him in a quick inside cradle! DeMandable: 1-2-3! Quick count, but the Hangman holds onto his title! Magilla: Fitness goes back to the dressing room holding his elbow DeMandable: While that lucky sack of potatoes lies in the center of the ring almost dead of exhaustion... Magilla: Next week's challenger will be Uncle Nasty from the IWF. DeMandable: Aint he teamed with Goliath, the dude the Hangman made take a fall for beating the commish of the IWF up? Magilla: If I've told you once, I've told you 1000 times, it was Goliath! DeMandable: How do you know? He was wearin' a mask! Anyways, let's get on with the ratings... Magilla: The UeWF is not included as they have not had new rankings since their SuperCard. IWF Rankings: World Champion Lurch 8-2 North American Champion Gomez 7-2 1. Hangman 11-7-1 2. RubberButt 6-3 3. Gunn 5-3 4. Ace Harte 5-3 5. Uncle Nasty 6-4-1 6. Whiplash 7-7-1 7. Hunk 6-6 8. Cobra Lee 4-9-1 9. Brad Studd 3-2 10. Crusher Crimas 3-1 Tag Team Tag Team Champions Brothers Brawn 5-1 1. Addams Foundation 11-4 2. Nasty Boyz 6-3 3. Revenge of the Nerds6-6 4. Chicago Torpedoes 5-6 5. Can-Tex Connection 2-5 WeWF Wrestler Rankings World Champion: Metal (2-0) 13 US Champion: Black Tiger (1-0) 13 Tag Team Champions: The Law (1-0) 7 Individuals 1. The General (1-0) 14 2. Frank Steel (1-0) 9 3. "Irish" Mike Flint (1-0) 8 4. "Gentleman" Jim Gilette (1-0) 6 5. Freddie "Fair Play" Fitness (0-0) 5 6. Zangief the Terrible (1-1) 3 7. "Irish Heartthrob" Brendan O'Rourke (0-0) 0 8. "Irish Powerhouse" Willy Maloney (0-0) 0 9. John Girder (0-0) 0 10. Lancelot (0-0) 0 Tag Teams 1. The Cochon Brothers (1-1) 14 2. Flint and Steel (2-1) 14 3. Apocalypse Now (1-0) 12 4. The Klingons (2-1) 12 5. The Hoosiers (0-1) 2 Once again, here are the head honchos of the 3 wrestling organizations. I'm not sure about the rest, but the WeWF is still looking of a couple people willing to commit to the sport of all sports... E-WRESTLING! WeWF = arxt@midway.uchicago.edu UeWF = u93_mwhittak@vaxc.stevens-tech.edu IWF = nexus@ncar.ucar.edu A couple administrative things... 1) I went over disk quota this week and might've accidentily deleted some interviews... I wholeheartedly apologize for that. 2) This should not discourage you from sending future interviews! (I'm still waiting for an Armed Forces Spotlight...) 3) There will be a TWIW TV tag belt created with the first champion to be determined by tournament. The 4 champions as of Today (The LAW, Carnage, Dangerous Emotions, and the Brothers Brawn) are automatically entered as well as 4 at large teams. If you want your team entered, send me some stuff about your team (such as why they should be in it, and what moves they like)... Round 1 should be out on Sunday (unless there's not enough response) Rounds 2 & 3 will be out a week from Sunday. 4) Please tell me what you think of TWIW!!! I want to hear what you think are it's strong points, and also it's weak points. Too many matches? Too few? Too much interviews? Too few? Just a waste of bandwidth? What's the scoop? 5) Keep the faith! Up