WeHL All-Star Game!

From: supermeo@cs.mcgill.ca (Francois LARAMEE)

Date: Mon, 02 Mar 1992 04:57:03 +0000

The First Annual WeHL All-Star Game
--- ----- ------ ---- -------- ----

Live from the Montreal Forum
(C) 1992 WeHL

Vince: "Hello everyone, I am Vince McMuffin, along with Jimmy "The Body"
  Vendetta, and welcome to the world-famous Montreal Forum for the very
  first WeHL All-Star game!"

Jimmy: "And for those of you who might be wondering why UFWS Pro Wrestling
  announcers are your hosts for a hockey game, well, let's just say that
  the WeHL Prez has a fried brain and can't make the difference!"

Vince: "Oh, puh-LEASE!.. Now, ladies and gentlemen, let me remind you of
  the special rules for tonight: each team will use three goaltenders and
  five full units of five players; injuries and fatigue don't count; and
  the stars of the 21 lowest teams in lexicographic order face the stars
  of the 21 others. Any comments or predictions at this time, Jimmy?"

Jimmy: "Absolutely: the Red Team of the lower 21 franchises has a stronger
  defense, but Fat Albert of the Toonas is the best goalie in the WeHL and
  he plays for the Blue Team, so it's going to come down to who has the best
  forwards; I predict that the presence of Francisco Franco of the World
  Diplomats, who has an unbelievable 30 goals so far, will win it for the
  Red Team."

Vince: "As usual, we disagree: the Blue Team has more good offensive defensemen
  and this should make the difference."

Jimmy: "As usual, you know nothing about anything, McMuffin!"

Vince: "Ugh!... Well, before referee Dangerous Danny Davis blows the opening
  whistle, let's take a look at the rosters of the two teams."

***********************

Red Team
--- ----

Goalies: Alex Barnes (CRU), Randy Savage (GOR), Ken Maggot (DEC)

1st line: Kari Kanervo (ACE), John Macdonald (ARI), BoomBoom Geoffrion (GRE),
  Animal (GOR), Juha Roning (EE)

2nd line: Borden Smith (COM), Francisco Franco (DIP), Pat Lafontaine (HER),
  Relix (GAU), Pat Flatline (DEC)

3rd line: Rodney Stark (AVE), Eric Praline (CIR), Matt Shenk (GEN), Hal
  Beagle (CON), Pope Sixtus (HOL)

4th line: Pope Alexander (HOL), Donald Audette (BLA), Mikko Makela (FIN),
  Ron Vibbentrop (CIR), Rick Strachan (CRU)

5th line: Angus MacDonald (HIG), Gretzix (GAU), Magnificent (ICE), Viacheslav
  Fetishov (DYN), Joseph Stalin (DIP)

Blue Team
---- ----

Goalies: Kent Hrbek (SUP), Iron Mitts (IMP), Fat Albert (TOO)

1st line: Chris Cherios (KNI), Edgar Froese (MUS), Errol Tompson (QUA),
  Brian McKee (RAC), Brad Park (SCH)

2nd line: Evander Holyfield (SUP), Arnold Hawk (WAR), Rick Middleton (SCH),
  Lloyd Waner (LEG), Paul Waner (LEG)

3rd line: Mike Idkin (KNI), Mario Conclusion (PYT), Marky Mark (SHA),
  Al MacInnis (STO), Pichet Chintrakulcha (WAR)

4th line: Pat Falloon (TUN), Pierre Upperskirt (ROA), Buddy Lembeck (ROA),
  Vagie Sill (RUN), Kjell Shocked (WAF)

5th line: George Bush (SLA), Speed Racer (SPL), Joe Sakic (STO), Bruce
  McInnis (MAR), Jason Verbrugge (WAH)

*************************

Vince: "So, we are just about ready to get underway... Danny Davis drops the
  puck, and Evander Holyfield wins the initial face-off from Roadney Stark
  and tosses the puck back to Relix..."

<later>

Vince: "... Angus MacDonald now with the Red Team's first entry into their
  opponents' zone... Leaves the puck behind him for Stalin who FIRES one
  wide... Gretzix takes the rebound and slips it to Maginificent in front
  of the net and WOW! WHAT A SAVE BY HRBEK!"

Jimmy: "If he doesn't go into pro wrestling when his baseball career is over,
  this Hrbek could sign with the North Stars!"

<later>

Vince: "...Lloyd Waner behind the Blue goal... Passes to Middleton BUT
  GEOFFRION INTERCEPTS!!! HE BREAKS AWAY!!! SHOOTS... AND SCORES!!! BOOM
  BOOM GEOFFRION!"

Jimmy: "Wow! Geoffrion is showing tremendous reflexes for a sixty-year old
  man!"

<later>

Vince: "... Stark and Falloon at the faceoff... Falloon wins it, and Shocked
  of the Briarcliff Buttered Waffles fires it into the corner... Barnes
  leaves his net and intercepts... Leaves it to Sixtus... Pass to Beagle...
  And to Shenk in the neutral zone... Lembeck checks Shenk and takes the
  puck, passes it to Falloon... Off side at the blue line; Upperskirt went
  into the Red zone too fast."

Jimmy: "That's what happens when players are not used to each other."

<later>

Vince: "...Racer to Sakic... The Blues have been in the Red zone for a while,
  now... Lafontaine checks Sakic, but he had already passed the puck to
  Verbrugge at the blue line... Verbrugge to Bush who SHOOTS AND SCORES!!!
  <Crowd Pops>... George Bush ties the game!"

Jimmy: "And Alex Barnes is going to have nightmares about that goal: he gave
  Bush a WIDE opening, and the wily politician took full advantage of it!"

Vince: "I agree with you that Barnes has looked better in the past..."

Jimmy: "What? You AGREE with me? 'Repent, vile mortals, for the end of the
  world is coming!'"

<later>

Vince: "Audette to Makela, who slips between the defensemen and OOPS! McKee
  tripped him... Davis wastes no time and whistles a penalty!"

<...>

Vince: "Makela is staring at the puck... Here's the whistle, and off he
  goes... <CROWD CHEERS>... Hrbek dives, Makela goes for a wrist shot near
  teh post AND HRBEK DEFLECTS IT INTO THE STANDS!!!"

Jimmy: "A tremendous save, once again!"

<later>

Vince: "Lafontaine takes the puck at his own blue line... Passes it to Franco
  WHO BREAKS AWAY AND SHOOTS WIDE!"

Jimmy: "Hrbek was beat this time!"

Vince: "Lloyd Waner takes the puck in the corner and tosses it to Hawk who
  deflects it to Holyfield... Holyfield dumps it into the Red zone and goes
  to the bench, but Barnes fires a pass to Lafontaine in the neutral zone!"

Jimmy: "Bad change by the Blue Team! Barnes' pass caught them completely off
  guard, and now Lafontaine and Smith are skating to the net, unopposed!"

Vince: "Lafontaine to Smith... To Lafontaine, but Hrbek disrupts the pass with
  the pole check!"

Jimmy: "One pass too many!"

<later>

Vince: "Less than one minute of play in this first period... Mario Conclusion
  behind his net, leaves the puck for Al MacInnis... MacInnis carries the
  puck to his own blue line... Feints Gretzix... At the opponent blue line...
  WOW! He nearly takes Fetishov out of his skates with a splendid Spin-O-Rama
  and SHOOTS AND SCOOOOOOOORRRRRRREEES!!!! AL MACINNIS!!!"

Jimmy: "At 19:13, the Blue team takes the lead, 2-1! And they can thank Kent
  Hrbek and his 14 saves for it!"

**************************

Summary of the first period:

1. RED: BoomBoom Geoffrion (unassisted), 3:14
2. BLUE: George Bush (Joe Sakic, Jason Verbrugge), 9:14
3. BLUE: Al MacInnis (Mario Conclusion), 19:13

Shots on goal: Red 15, Blue 9

***************************

Vince: "Now in the nets, Randy "Macho Goalie" Savage for the Reds, and
  Iron Mitts for the Blues... This second period is underway, and
  Flatline takes the puck and passes it to Franco... Franco in the
  Blue zone, fires a bullet that Mitts deflects, Lafontaine takes the
  rebound AND SCOOOOOORES!"

Jimmy: "Huh? Something happened already?!?!?!?"

Vince: "Those of you who were wondering if the late goal by the Blues in the
  first period would kill the Reds: it won't! After just NINE SECONDS in the
  second period, the game is tied again!"

<later>

Vince: "Froese shoots, and Savage blocks!... Rebound to Thompson, who shoots
  and another exciting save by Savage!... Animal takes the rebound in the
  corner, but loses it to Cherios, who passes it to Park at the blue line...
  Slapshot by Park AND ANOTHER MIRACULOUS SAVE BY SAVAGE, who holds on to it
  this time!"

<later>

Vince: "Only the second penalty of the game, and Matt Shenk of the Flint
  Generals is going to try to break the tie... He takes the puck... Skates
  at a leisurely pace... Feints a sweep shot; Iron Mitts bites and dives;
  Shenk lifts the puck in the top corner and SCORES! Matt Shenk!"

Jimmy: "I tell you McMuffin, the Generals may be having a dismal season, but
  Shenk is a fine, fine player! Look at that replay: a perfect backhand into
  the upper part of the net; beautiful goal by Shenk."

<later>

Vince: "Marky Mark at the Red blue line, checked by Praline and Shenk takes
  the puck... Passes it to Stark on the left wing... Stark drops it back for
  Shenk who shoots AND SCORES!!! His second goal of the game!"

Jimmy: "Matt Shenk is taking a serious option on the Player of the Game
  award, and on that pick-up truck that Isuzu is giving to the winner!"

<later>

Vince: "Uh-oh, a BLATANT interference by Vibbentrop on Upperskirt, but Danny
  Davis saw nothing..."

Jimmy: "That's what referees are paid for, McMuffin: so that the losers can
  have a scapegoat!"

*************************

Summary of the second period:

4. RED: Pat Lafontaine (Pat Flatline, Francisco Franco), 0:09
5. RED: Matt Shenk (Penalty shot), 9:14
6. RED: Matt Shenk (Rodney Stark), 16:47

Shots on goal: Reds 12 (27), Blues 11 (20)

*************************

Vince: "... Joseph Stalin is trapped deep in the Blue zone, and Holyfield
  carries his team into a 2-on-1... Holyfield to Hawk... Fetichov DIVES AND
  CUTS THE PASS! BEAUTIFUL MOVE!.. BUT MIDDLETON TAKES THE LOOSE PUCK,
  SHOOTS AND SCORES!!!"

Jimmy: "Poor Fetishov couldn't have done more on that play! He was left alone,
  did a great maneuver, but was just plain unlucky!"

<later>

Vince: "Fat Albert has now stopped 11 shots in a row... He leaves the puck
  to MacInnis... Pass to Chintrakulcha... To Mark... Shoots from the blue
  line, but Roning deflects it into the tenth row... Time is running out
  for the Blues: only 2:15 left!"

<later>

Vince: "MacInnis dumps it into the Red zone, and the Blues pull their
  goaltender!!! Fifty-two seconds remaining... Hawk, to Middleton... His
  shot is wide... Makela and Sakic are battling in the corner... Shocked
  moves in, takes the pucks and SLIPS it in front of the net, but Holyfield
  can't deflect it... Forty seconds... Strachan takes the puck, and fires it
  at the other end; it's going to be an icing call against the Reds, with
  twenty-nine seconds remaining... And the Blues call for a timeout..."

<later>

Vince: "Stark, Shenk, Praline, Beagle and Sixtus are on the ice for the
  Reds, to counter Holyfield, Bush, Racer, Sakic, Al MacInnis and McKee...
  Holyfield wins the faceoff, and kicks the puck back to MacInnis who
  SHOOTS and Ken Maggot makes the save!"

Jimmy: "That shot was so powerful that Maggot's glove flew all the way into the
  corner... With his hand, I believe!"

Vince: "Sixtus takes the rebound, passes it to Shenk, who gets out of his
  own zone, passes to Stark who fires at the empty net and SCORES!!! With
  only seventeen seconds remaining on the clock, that's the game!"

*****************************

Sumary of the third period:

7. BLUE: Rick Middleton (Unassisted), 9:22
8. RED: Rodney Stark (Pope Sixtus, Matt Shenk), 19:43

FINAL SCORE: Red Team 5, Blue Team 3
Shots on goal: Red Team 9 (36), Blue Team 11 (31)

*****************************

Vince: "Well, you won't be surprised to hear that Matt Shenk, with two
  goals and an assist, has been elected Player of the Game!"

Jimmy: "And my main man the Macho Goalie, Randy Savage, has been chosen as
  Goalie of the game!"

Vince: "And this wraps up our coverage of the WeHL All-Star game; for all the
  staff here at PhotonSim, this is Vince McMuffin..."

Jimmy: "And the sexiest man alive, Jimmy "The Body" Vendetta..."

Vince: "We hope that you enjoyed the game; so long everyone!"

====== L' I N V I N C I B L E ==== S U P E R - M E O =======
Francois-Dominic Laramee, Game Designer and Graduate Slave
President of the World Electronic Hockey League on Internet
EMAIL: supermeo@binkley.cs.mcgill.ca  PHONE: (514) 659-8104
============================================================
Subway safety tips: speak softly, look at the floor and carry a
 photon torpedo launcher.