WeWF Report #50

From: arxt@quads.uchicago.edu (Aidan Palmer)

Date: Sun, 01 Mar 1992 21:24:09 +0000

I am looking for more players for my World Electronic Wrestling Federation,
so if this looks interesting, send me a reply and I'll send you the rules.

WeWF Report #50           3/1/92

Wince: "Batten down the hatches, it's time for another WeWF Report!"

Baboon: "First let's hear from the US Champion, Black Tiger.  He's looking
    for opposition."

BT: "Worthy adversaries.  I would like to challenge all of you for a shot at
    the US Belt.  The stipulations are that the match be a Battle-Royal caged
    match.  This is to ensure that no person is thrown out of the ring and
    that each person left standing stands because of their superior fighting
    capability.  I have proven myself in single combat, but let me stand in
    the thick of battle, the never ending fray, the circle of life.  I have
    made the challenge, are any of you willing to accept?

"I would also like to add that my long trusted friend and confidante
    Juggernaut is retiring from the WeWF to pursue a career as my manager
    and stock broker.  Mr. Fujikuchi our previous manager is retiring to
    Japan to grow bonsai trees and write haiku.  There will be a party
    after the next event and all are welcome to attend (just let me know
    who so I can send out invitations, it's supposed to be a suprise). =)
    One last thing I would like to add is that I will be training a new
    wrestler to replace Juggernaut so as to carry on the tradition of the
    Dynamic Machine.  The glory will live on.  LONG LIVE THE FIGHTERS!!!"

Wince: "He will be tested this week by Zangief the Terrible.  But so far no
    one has beaten the Tiger and he recommends a battle royal to determine
    the number one contender."

Baboon: "Here's a new wrestler who may end up being the one to defeat
    Black Tiger..."

[roll tape]
(A large man in military camouflage stands in front of am M1A1 tank)

SH: "MY NAME IS MASTER SGT RONALD J. HARDWAY, AND I HAVE DRUNK MORE BEER,
    SPILLED MORE BLOOD, AND KICKED MORE TAIL THAN ALL THE REST OF YOU
    WIMPS PUT TOGETHER.  I am here to teach all you wimps, maggots, and
    goat-smelling pukes what wrestling is all about, so get ready to
    learn your lessons.....THE HARDWAY!!!!
           [end tape]

Wince: "Now we'll hear from Freddie Fitness."

In a blackened room, stands a massive robed man...

Freddie: "Zangief, I wish you luck against the Black Tiger, you WILL need it.
    I will be waiting for you on the other side!  You thought you could make
    a name for yourself, by taking out Jim Nice, too bad I did not allow it.
    Train hard, train well, you will need all your strength to withstand
    my onslaught..."

Baboon: "You can beat he will face off with Zangief sometime soon."

Wince: "Now let's go to Jim Nice."

Jim Nice wearing his star-spangled jacket with a neck brace on...

Jim: "Zangief, you've just made an enemy in the WEWF!  I've been manhandled by
    the best, but you have to be the cheap shot artist of the year!  I don't
    know if Freddie Fitness can be trusted, but I thank him for pulling you
    off!

"As for you other rule breakers...  Masked Enigma, I challenge you to a
    one-on-one match..."

Baboon: "Unfortunately, The Gentleman's would-be opponent has retired from
    the WeWF, so The Gentleman will instead wrestle Sgt. Hardway."

Wince: "Also in another change of match, "Gentleman" Jim Gilette will tangle
    with Halloween.  Both of their opponents for this week are gone."

Baboon: "Now let's go to The General and The Hoosiers."

General: "We were handed our butts on a stick at the SuperCard...  I'll
    be the first to admit that.  It's largely my fault for letting
    too much agression out instead of using the technique that has
    made me 4-time WeWF champion...  We're going back to the basics
    this week, as we start from the bottom.  I'm going to take on
    Gentleman Jim Nice."

Erik: "We're taking on our old friends Flint and Steel, in a technical
    match!"

Daemon: "We've beaten you before, and you've beaten us."

Erik: "Now we're both at the bottom."

Daemon: "Time to see who will rise to the top first..."

Baboon: "Let's see what went down this week in the WeWF."

This Week's Matches:

The Klingons over The Towers of Power.
The Klingons over Da Boyz.
Flint and Steel over The Hoosiers.
The General over "Gentleman" Jim Nice.
"Gentleman" Jim Gilette over Sgt. Hardway.
"Gentleman" Jim Nice over Halloween.
Flint and Steel over The Inquisition.
"Irish" Mike Flint over Metal.
Frank Steel over Crazy Crimas.

Wince: "Two wins for The Klingons!  But also two for Flint and Steel.  It
    looks like we know the two teams who will be slugging it out for the
    title in weeks to come!"

Baboon: "Now it's time for our title matches."

Wince: "First, Zangief the Terrible challenges Black Tiger for the US Title!"

Baboon: "Let's go to the action."

Rusty: "Tiger bounces off the ropes... spinning kick!  Zangief staggers back,
    but quickly recovers."

Vague: "Zangief presses Black Tiger and slams him from overhead!"

Rusty: "But Black Tiger does a kip up, and then armdrags Zangief and puts
    him in an armlock."

Vague: "Black Tiger bounces Zangief off the ropes and dropkicks him!  Tiger
    is going to the top rope... flying elbow drop!"

Rusty: "One, two, Zangief kicks out."

Vague: "Zangief rakes Black Tiger's face, then kicks him in the midsection."

Rusty: "Now Zangief is going to work on Black Tiger.  A series of axehandles
    to the back."

Vague: "Black Tiger punches Zangief in the stomach, then delivers a
    neckbreaker."

Rusty: "A back and forth match...  Black Tiger delivers a cradle suplex.
    He has Zangief pinned!  One, two, three!"

Vague: "Black Tiger is the winner, and still champion!"

Baboon: "Next up, The Law defend the WeWF Tag Team Titles against those
    newcomers from the UFWS, The Cochons."

Wince: "Let's go to the Cochons' Pattiserie."

Maurice "Mad Cat" Cochon enters the Pattiserie wearing a pair
of "Mr. Spock" ears, his brother Paul sees him and bursts out
laughing:

Paul: "Where the hell did you get those, mon vieux?"

Mad Cat: "Oh, I just found them in the ring at the end of our first WEWF
    match.... So, they must like us letting us take on their "alleged"
    champs, what were they called again?"

Paul: "The Law."

Mad Cat: "The Law, hey that means, we can change that song now."

Paul: "What song?"

Mad Cat: "You know, "...I fought the Law and the Cochon's WON...",
    HA HA HA HA..."

Wince: "Now we'll join the match, already in progress."

Rusty: "Maurice tags in Paul, and they work on Judge Dredd."

Vague: "They're working on the big man's legs.  Paul "The Baker" twists
    Dredd's ankle and streches his hamstring."

Rusty: "Now Paul tags to Maurice, who steps in and stomps on the injured
    leg."

Vague: "Dredd is trying to limp away, but Maurice lifts him up and gives him
    an atomic knee breaker!"

Rusty: "Maurice bounces off ropes and splashes Dredd, but Dredd kicks out."

Vague: "Maurice tries to take Dredd back to The Cochons' corner, but Dredd
    rakes him in the eyes and tags out to Anderson."

Rusty: "Anderson drops Maurice with a flying clothesline!  Judge Anderson picks
    Maurice up for a suplex, but Paul reaches in and trips Anderson, and
    Maurice falls on top of Judge Anderson!"

Vague: "But Anderson kicks out.  Maurice tags out to Paul.  Paul whips Anderson
    off the ropes, but Anderson hits him with a cross-body block!  One, two,
    kickout."

Rusty: "The Law almost had a victory right there.  Paul bounces off the ropes,
    but Machiavelli trips him.  Anderson pushes Paul Cochon into The Law's
    corner, and tags in Dredd for some double teaming."

Vague: "The fans don't seem to have decided who to root for."

Rusty: "Dredd gives Paul Cochon a backbreaker.  And another!  And another!
    What a show of strength!"

Vague: "Dredd tries a body slam, but Paul goes over his shoulder, then pushes
    him toward the ropes and rolls him up for a pin!"

Rusty: "Anderson jumps off the top rope and drops a knee on Paul Cochon!
    The referee was trying to get Maurice Cochon and Machiavelli off the
    ring apron and didn't see it."

Vague: "Now he turns around, and Judge Dredd has Paul pinned.  One, two, three!"

Rusty: "The Law win!"

Wince: "Now it's time for our final title match of the night.  The Sandman will
    defend the World Title against Metal."

Baboon: "Unfortunately for The Sandman, he won't have anyone in the corner.
    They're still resting after the Supercard match against The General and
    The Hoosiers."

Wince: "Let's go to Lord Winfred Vague and Rusty Nose to see what transpires."

Vague: "Metal slams The Sandman!  Then he whips the champion off the ropes
    and clotheslines him!"

Rusty: "The Sandman backs into a corner and is begging for mercy, but Metal
    isn't going to show any."

Vague: "The Sandman was just faking, he leaps out and clotheslines Metal!"

Rusty: "Metal elbows The Sandman, then puts him in a headlock."

Vague: "Reversed into a hammerlock by Sandman."

Rusty: "Metal grabs the ropes, and the referee asks for a clean break."

Vague: "He doesn't get one!  The Sandman pummels Metal, who gets tangled in
    the ropes!"

Rusty: "The Sandman charges Metal, who puts his foot up and The Sandman runs
    into it!"

Vague: "Metal untangles him self, then picks The Sandman up over his shoulder
    and powerslams him!"

Rusty: "One, two, three!  We have a new World Champion!"

Vague: "Metal defeats The Sandman to win the WeWF World Title!"

Rusty: "Give The Sandman credit, he held that belt for almost a month."

Wince: "Well, that's it for this week!  Next week The General takes on
    new champion Metal for the World Title, Flint and Steel get a shot
    at The Law for the Tag Team Titles, and "Gentleman" Jim Gilette will
    challenge Black Tiger again for the US Title."

Baboon: "So long, everybody!"

WeWF Wrestler Rankings

World Champion: Metal (2-0)                               13
US Champion: Black Tiger (1-0)                            13

Tag Team Champions: The Law (1-0)                          7

Individuals

1. The General (1-0)                                     14
 2. Frank Steel (1-0)                                      9
 3. "Irish" Mike Flint (1-0)                               8
 4. "Gentleman" Jim Gilette (1-0)                          6
 5. Freddie "Fair Play" Fitness (0-0)                      5
 6. Zangief the Terrible (1-1)                             3
 7. "Irish Heartthrob" Brendan O'Rourke (0-0)              0
 8. "Irish Powerhouse" Willy Maloney (0-0)                 0
 9. John Girder (0-0)                                      0
10. Lancelot (0-0)                                         0
11. Spectre (0-0)                                          0
12. Ted (0-0)                                              0
13. Volk Svagen (0-0)                                      0
14. The Sandman (0-1)                                     -1
15. "Gentleman" Jim Nice (2-2)                            -2
16. Sgt. Hardway (0-1)                                    -3
17. Halloween (0-1)                                       -5
18. Metallicus (0-1)                                      -6
19. Crazy Crimas (0-1)                                    -9

Tag Teams

1. The Cochon Brothers (1-1)                             14
 2. Flint and Steel (2-1)                                 14
 3. Apocalypse Now (1-0)                                  12
 4. The Klingons (2-1)                                    12
 5. The Hoosiers (0-1)                                     2
 6. Da Boyz (1-1)                                          0
 7. The Galactic Dudes (0-0)                               0
 8. Legion of Fear (0-0)                                   0
 9. The PainMasters (0-0)                                  0
10. The Irish Experience (0-1)                            -1
11. The Inquisition (0-1)                                 -7
12. Towers of Power (0-1)                                 -7

--
	Quote of the Week:
		"I don't know whether I'm basically lazy or what, but I enjoy
 	my home and my general surroundings and living the kind of life I
	live." - DeForest Kelley