TTTTTT - Round 1 From: Michael Rosen <mirrosen@silver.ucs.indiana.edu> Date: Sat, 21 Mar 1992 06:19:03 +0000 *********************TWIW TV TAG TEAM TITLE TOURNAMENT********************** Round 1 Magilla: This is Magilla Mongoose, Wince: I'm Wince McLady, DeMandable: And I'm Mark DeMandable! Magilla: We're here with Round one of the TWIW TV TAG TEAM TITLE TOURNAMENT! DeMandable: That's TTTTTT for you mutants out there who can't deal with all those sylabells. Magilla: Let's look at the matchups... Carnage vs. <Bye> LAW vs. Steele/Pruitt Dangerous Emotions vs. Annhillation Alliance Klingons vs. Uncertainty Principle Judgement Day vs. <Bye> Flint & Steel vs. Brothers Brawn Adams Foundation vs. Can Tex Connection Dogs of War vs. Crash & Burn Magilla: Who do you guys pick to win? Wince: I like the Hoosiers to win the belts! DeMandable: You idiot Wince, they're not even in the tournament! Wince: In that case, I'll go with Flint & Steel, the WeWF tag team champions. What about you Magilla? Magilla: There are many many tough teams out there. I'll say that my favorites are the Uncertainty Principle, consisting of Mr. B and Action Man, and the exciting inter-federational team of Blue Steele from the FWF and Powerhouse Pruitt of the the UeWF. DeMandable: You're both wrong! The winner of the match between the Annhilation Alliance and the Dangerous Emotions will win it all. That match is the finals! Magilla: We have what should prove to be an exciting first match for our TWIW tag team TV championship featuring the LAW of the WeWF and Powerhouse Pruitt of the UeWF and Blue Steele of the FWF. DeMandable: What the heck's the FWF? Magilla: It's the Fictional Wrestling Federation, reports can be seen on the USENET newsgroup rec.sport.pro-wrestling... DeMandable: Ain't that the one that booked? Magilla: Booked? DeMandable: Well, if they were of consequence, I'd have heard of 'em. Either way, I see Pencil-neck Pruitt and Blueballs Steele getting crunched! Magilla: How do you know? Neither of have seen Steele wrestle! DeMandable: If he's dumb enough to have Pruitt as a partner, I'm not gonna give him any slack! Magilla: We're told that Blue Steele is the I-C champion of the FWF. DeMandable: I don't care if his father's Hulk Hogan, and his momma Ric Flair, he's still a bum to me! Besides, the LAW are WeWF champs many times over! Magilla: Anyways, back to the ring, All 4 wrestlers are standing ready. DeMandable: You saw how fast the Ace Diamond cleared out, he's not looking to mess with the LAW. Magilla: Actually, it was Machiavelli that exited the ring first. It looks like Dredd and Powerhouse Pruitt will start first. DeMandable: They lock up in a test of strength, stupid move by Pruitt! Magilla: Stupid move? He's backing Dredd into a neutral corner. DeMadable: COME ON DREDD! CHEAP SHOT HIM! Magilla: Dredd rakes the eyes on the break. DeMandable: I told you it was a stupid move! Magilla: Dredd starts banging away with power forearms! Pruitt still hasn't recovered from the eye rake. DeMandable: Quick tag to Judge Anderson, who lands a standing dropkick on the big oaf. Magilla: Anderson puts Pruitt in and arm bar and tags to Judge Dredd. DeMandable: Like the phrase I coined, 'Quick tags are the key to tag team success' Magilla: Dredd climbs to the top rope and drops an elbow on Pruitts extended arm. Pruitt is starting to lose his temper! DeMandable: But Dredd's not giving him a chance, he's clubbing away with fists, forearms and eblows. He's not afraid to take a punch to give one! Magilla: Pruitt isn't backing down. He's returning with thunderous blows of his own. They don't call him the strongest man of wrestling for nothing! DeMandable: Knee to the midsection by Dredd! Magilla: Pruitt's got a tight midsection, and he doesn't seem phased! He grabs Dredds head and runs it into the turnbuckle! DeMandable: He should tag, get in the fresh man! Magilla: Bear hug by Pruitt! DeMandable: Dredd's tough, he can stick it out. Magilla: He looks like he's in agony! What's Machiavelli doing? DeMandable: He's destracting the ref! Magilla: Anderson runs in and pokes Pruitt's eyes! DeMandable: He broke the hold and escaped the ring before the ref knew what was going on, brilliant move! Magilla: Dredd goes over to make the tag, but he looks hurt! DeMandable: Hurt or not, it's Andersen in the ring, and he leaps for a flying headscissors! Magilla: The Powerhouse tumbles down, he's showing some wear and tear! DeMandable: Wear and tear? He's just a musclebound bully that's being humiliated by someone who wrestles. Magilla: Pruitt muscles out of the headscissors, and makes the tag! DeMandable: Blueballs Steele comes in looking like he has something to prove! Magilla: He clotheslines Anderson! Then he clotheslines Dredd on the ring apron! DeMandable: There's no call for that! Machiavelli hops onto the apron to instruct the ref about about proper wrestling conduct. Magilla: But Blue Steele has a clothesline for Machiavelli too! The crowd is on their feet! DeMandable: The LAW huddles outside the ring, they've got a plan! Magilla: What's that in Dredd's hand? Is it brass knuckles? DeMandable: I don't see anything! Magilla: Anderson hits the ring, side headlock by Blue Steele! DeMandable: Anderson throws him into the ropes, and Steele gets a love tap from Dread! Magilla: He hit him with an international object! DeMandable: In Steele's case, don't you mean inter-continental? Magilla: Powerhouse Pruitt is in the ring before Anderson can make the cover, and he lands a massive shoulder in Anderson's midsection. DeMandable: That's illegal. Magilla: Dredd comes in to meet him, but get's caught by a vicious bearhug! DeMandable: Why doesn't the ref do something? Magilla: Pruitt converts it into a belly-to-belly suplex! He goes for the cover! DeMandable: But so does Andersen on Steele! Magilla: 1-2-Three!!!!! The match is over! DeMandable: And the LAW win! Magilla: The ref's raising the hands of Pruitt and Steele! DeMandable: That's a crime! They got beat! Steele and Andersen were the legal men in the ring! Magilla: The ref's decision is final, and Pruitt and Steele advance to the second round to face Carnage. DeMandable: That makes me sick! At least we have a good match coming up. Magilla: Indeed, two top teams from the now extinct UeWF, the Dangerous Emotions and the Annhilation Alliance. DeMandable: Will you learn how to spell Anhillation? Magilla: The Dangerous Emotions with their manager, the Masked One await the Annhillation Alliance in the ring. DeMandable: I tell you what Magilla, we might be seeing the championship bout here, two teams that aren't affraid to kick some butt. Magilla: Indeed, but both are out of a federation, like you! Does this mean you're out of a job? DeMandable: Men like me are never out of a job! Magilla: Now the GraveRobber & The Unknown assailant storm the ring with their manager, before the official announcement. DeMandable: They're going at it like I've never seen. Magilla: It's every man for himself as Bwana throws the Masked One over the top rope! DeMandable: Which Masked one? Magilla: The manager! Bwana follows him out as the ref restores order in the ring. DeMandable: It's the Graverobber on Hate, locking up in the center of the ring. Knee to the midsection by the Graverobber. Magilla: You mean groin, don't you? DeMandable: Either way, the Graverobber throws Hate into the ropes, and flying shoulder tackles him into the corner! Magilla: Bwana is still pounding the Masked One at ringside! DeMandable: Rage goes to help, and misses the tag opportunity! Magilla: The Graverobber drags Hate back to his corner and tags in the Unknown Assailant. DeMandable: Rage comes crashing down on Bwana with a massive chop to the back of the head! This is more exciting than the action in the ring! Magilla: The GraveRobber and the Unknown Assailant hoist Hate up for a top rope DDT! DeMandable: Here comes Eddie Awesome! He's going after Rage outside the ring. Magilla: Hate is all but uncouncious in the ring as the Graverobber and the Assailant trade axehandles on him. DeMandable: The ref finally pushes the Assailant out of the ring, but Bwana handed a shovel to the Graverobber! Magilla: Graverobber clocks the downed Emotion, and then sends the shovel into the 5th row! DeMandable: The ref turns to count! 1-2-3, it's over! Magilla: A very dastardly way to win the match! DeMandable: Dastardly? I call it brilliant! Magilla: Eddie Awesome and the Annhilation Alliance are triple teaming Rage! DeMandable: Is this great or what? Magilla: Ringside security is finnaly pulling them apart... DeMandable: Exciting ending to an exciting bout. Magilla: But will they be able to beat more technical teams further on in the tournament? DeMandable: They'll romp the winner of this upcoming bout! Magilla: We look forward to an outstanding scientific match featuring the Klingons and the Uncertainty Principle. DeMandable: Are you serious? Magilla: Yes, on the one hand, we have a team of excellent quickness, technique and teamwork and on the other we have a pair of legends in e-wrestling. DeMandable: So the Highlanders are finally going to square off against the Intoxicators? Magilla: Gimme a break! DeMandable: Let's just hear the intros and hope this gets over as quickly as possible. Announcer: First, from beyond the Great Barrier, at a combined weight of 560, lead to ringside by Admiral Chekov, here are the Klingons! <Tons of fan cheers as they enter the ring> Announcer: Their opponents, at a comined weight of 458 pounds, here is Mr. B, and Action Man, the Uncertainty principle! Magilla: It looks like the two technicians, Mr. B and Phaser will start it off. DeMandable: Technicans? Try yellow-bellied bleeding heart pansies! Magilla: Side headlock by Mr. B, the former TV singles champion starts quick. DeMandable: I'm getting out of here... WINCE!!!!!! Get your butt out here, I'm getting some popcorn. Wince: I'd be delighted. Phaser reverses the headlock and puts Mr. B in one of own. Magilla: Reversal again by Mr. B! Wince: Belly-to-Back suplex by Disrupter, and the former TWIW TV champion is down! Magilla: Phaser puts in a power half nelson, looking to end this quickly. Wince: B looks the other way. He makes it to his knees! Magilla: The fans are cheering both men on in this display of scientific mat expertice. Wince: Hook and Roll by Mr. B, and he's now on top! Magilla: A switch my Phaser and he's now on top! A quick headbutt and Mr. B is on his stomach again. Wince: Those ridges are tough! Phaser picks up Mr. B and tags to Disrupter. Magilla: Axe handle by Disrupter sends Mr. B flying! Disrupter pursues, but B is able to make the tag! Wince: Mr. B single leg takedowns Disrupter as Action Man flies over the top rope, landing an elbow on Disrupters chest. Magilla: Quick cover, but only a one count. Action Man bounces off the rope, between Disrupters legs, and back against the opposite ropes. Wince: Disrupter can't keep up! Magilla: Dropkick by Action Man sends Disrupter reeling! Wince: Before Disrupter can do anything, Action Man hits him with a spinning crescent kick! Magilla: The Klingons just can't keep up with the quicker team! Wince: Action Man tags in Mr. B! B Irish Whips Disrupter into the corner! Magilla: No! A reversal by Disrupter, and B sails ito the corner. He follows with a shoulder tackle! Wince: Nobody's home! B quickly puts disrupter in a hammerlock! Magilla: Disrupter powers out and makes the tag! Wince: Ridge-headbutt by Phaser, followed by a German Suplex! Magilla: He tags Disrupter, and they both climb the ropes! They're going for their finisher, the Klinshai Bombing! Wince: Nobody Home!!!!! Both Klingons are down. Mr. B tags Action Man, who climbs the top rope! This is their big finisher! Magilla: B raises his hands and Action Man does a handstand over him! Wince: Action Man hovers over the downed Phaser, and Action Man drops a knee on Phasers head! Devastating! Magilla: But it was devastating to Action Man too! He's clutching his knee! Phaser's head was too hard! Wince: Action Man's the legal man, and the ref escourts Mr. B out! Magilla: Phaser rises, he hits Action Man with the figure 4! Wince: I've never seen him use a figure 4! Magilla: Action Man won't submit, and he passes out because of the pain! Wince: Mr. B throws in the towel before any furthur injury takes place. Magilla: Chekov is calling for medical aid on his communicator. Wince: This was truly a devastating match! Magilla: A great scientific match, but it's too bad that it has to end in injury. DeMandable: Did I miss much? Wince: This is my cue... Magilla: Not much DeMandable... DeMandable: Who's next? Magilla: Flint & Steel vs. the Brothers Brawn. DeMandable: Another matchup of sap vs. sap? Magilla: By your definition yes, but I'm looking forward to this matchup of powerhouses! Flint and Steel are the current WeWF tag team champions, and always give it their all! DeMandable: What do you know about these 2 punks, the Brawn Brothers? Magilla: Sly & Aawnold are former IWF tag team champions, before getting beaten by the Addams Foundation. The are both very well conditioned athletes. DeMandable: I hope this is over quick. Magilla: Well, the ref is clearing the ring. DeMadnable: It looks like we'll start with Ugly & Uglier in the ring. Magilla: It's Flint and Sly starting it off with a test of strength. DeMandable: Flint's getting manhandled here! Magilla: Sly backs him into the corner. DeMandable: Clean break! I can tell already that I'm gonna hate this match! Magilla: Molly Mcguire whispers a couple words to Flint. DeMandable: You think she slipped him some tongue? Magilla: Will you gimme a break? DeMandable: The dummy is going to tie up again! Magilla: No, he ducks under! He bounces Sly into the ropes, and hits a reverse roll up! DeMandable: It'll never work! Magilla: 1-2-3!!! We have a winner! DeMandable: I can't believe it! Magilla: Neither can Sly or Aawnald! DeMandable: I'm happy. Magilla: Why? DeMandable: Cuz' it over, and now we can go to the next match! Magilla: Speaking of which, the Adams Foundation is already at ringside. DeMandable: Look at Morticia and Molly glare at each other! Magilla: The Foundation enters the ring, and you can tell these two teams are sizing each other up. DeMandable: Who's wrestling here? Magilla: It's going to be Gomez and Lurch against the Can-Tex connection of Ace Harte and Jack "The Texas Tornado" Rubenstein. DeMandable: I'll pick the Adams Foundation. Magilla: Why? DeMandable: Can't you see, it's 4 on 2 with Uncle Fester and Morticia at ringside. Magilla: Don't count out the Can-Tex connection, they aren't above a little dirty work themselves... DeMandable: But they've lost how many in IWF competion? Magilla: The Adams Foundation are the IWF champions, and you can't take that away from them. DeMandable: Gomez starts by charging Harte from behind! Magilla: Harte moves on of the way, and Gomez charges into the turnbuckle. DeMandable: Harte catches him coming out with an armdrag. Magilla: This should feature some exciting technique as Gomez hops up again. DeMandable: A quick hip toss and Harte tags out to the Texas Tumbleweed. Magilla: Rubenstein puts Gomez in a headlock, squezing tight! DeMandable: Gomez throws Tumbleweed into the ropes, and Tumbleweed trips! Magilla: He didn't trip, Fester slammed him with a shovel from outside! DeMandable: Quick tag by Fester to Lurch who stomps on Rubenstein. Magilla: Lurch hurls the Texas Tornado into back towards Ace Harte! What confidence! DeMandable: Harte tags in. What stupidity! Magilla: Harte dives between Lurch's legs and leaps up, hitting him with an devastating leaping cranium kick from behind! DeMandable: Lurch doesn't go down! Harte Irish whips Lurch into an unfriendly corner! Magilla: Harte goes to the opposite corner! DeMandable: Look! That punk Rubenstein is holding Lurch in! Magilla: These guys are doing whatever it takes! Moonsault by Ace Harte! DeMandable: Lurch falls to his face! Harte makes the tag to Rubenstein. He's real tough now that he's put in the cheap shot! Magilla: He hits Lurch with the Iron Claw, which not only crushes the skull but grinds the face into the mat. DeMandable: The ref is asking an unresponsive Lurch if he wants to submit. That's the problem with putting a submission hold on someone that's out cold, they just can't give up! Magilla: But he's not out cold! Lurch is stirring! DeMandable: He's on all fours! Rubenstein keeps the clawhold on! Magilla: He makes it to his knees! DeMandable: The Iron Claw is still on tight! Magilla: Lurch makes it to his feet, but Rubenstein still hasn't let go! DeMandable: Lurch backs the Tornado into a bad corner. Magilla: Gomez puts the Tornado in a sleeper, forcing him to break the hold! DeMandable: Turnabout is fair play, and Lurch runs into Harte with a big clothesline! Magilla: Harte falls off the apron, and Lurch runs back and clotheslines the trapped Tornado! DeMandable: Rubenstein crumples to the mat, and Lurch covers! Magilla: 1! DeMandable: 2! Magilla: 3!!!!!! It's all over. DeMandable: The Adams Foundation will square off against the winners of the final match of round 1. Who's in the final match Magilla? Magilla: The final match of round 1 features the Dogs of War against Crash & Burn. DeMandable: You idiot! Crash & Burn is Carnage! Who put together such a moronic bracketing? Magilla: I've received word on my headset that Dogs of War advance by a Bye. DeMandable: That's Bye's third loss of the evening! Magilla: Round 2 will feature the following matchups... Carnage (Rage and Hate) vs. Blue Steele and Powerhouse Pruitt Klingons (Phaser and Disrupter) vs. The Annhilation Alliance (Graverobber and the Unknown Assailant) Flint and Steel vs. Judgement Day (Aries Prime and the Dark Horse) The Adams Foundation (Gomez and Lurch) vs. The Dogs of War (Death and Destruction) Magilla: Who do you pick? DeMandable: I stand by the Annhilation Alliance! They showed that they have what it takes. Magilla: What about Flint and Steel, WeWF champions? DeMandable: Those stiffs will be lucky to escape the next round with their jockstraps still on! Magilla: Well, until the next round, good luck, and keep watchin'! Up