TWIW!!! From: Michael Rosen <mirrosen@silver.ucs.indiana.edu> Date: Wed, 06 May 1992 06:17:29 +0000 *********************************************************************** This Week in Wrestling This show is a joint production of UWeMail and the Lightfinger Sporting Network, and is property of the World Electronic Wrestling Federation, all rights reserved, (c) 1992. This show is brought to you by Busch Light, the Beer Drinkers Beer, Budweiser, the King of Beers and Molson Export. Nothing halfway about it, Ex says it all! Magilla: Hi, this is Magilla Mongoose... Wince: ...I'm Wince McLady... Misty: ...and I'm Misty Radisson... All: Welcome to The Last Week in Wrestling! Magilla: Things are looking very dire in e-wrestling! Wince: Very much so. There are NO active federations! Magilla: Indeed! Wince: There is word, however, that a new federation will be rising using old WeWF rules... Magilla: I hope so... Misty: But, like, what about our future? Magilla: The present editor is graduating college on Saturday, and starting work as an Analyst for P & G in June! Misty: What's that mean? Maiglla: This is the LAST TWIW under the present management! Misty: Oh no! What's going to happen? Magilla: Well Misty, we've had some feelers for taking over the reigns for next fall, but nothing for the summer! Misty: I hope that someone decides to take us on! Wince: So do I! I can't work a day job! DeMandable: And I've never jobbed for anyone in my life! Magilla: You're here too DeMandable? DeMandable: Sure! I love a good funeral! Magilla: Gimme a break! DeMandable: Besides, I'm on contract! So who's wrestling in our TWIW title bouts? Magilla: Nobody! Since the EMWA never got it's act in gear, it's two challenger's were declared null and void! Wince: Are we at least gonna have a rumor mill? Magilla: Sure! Grean Jean always can dig up some dirt! *********************************The Rumor Mill******************************** **************************With Green Jean Oktoberfest************************** GJ: This is Green Jean Oktoberfest here, with what may very well be my last Rumor Mill for quite some time... E-Wrestling has been awful quiet so I'll post what little I've heard... Due do his spectacular performance in the movie industry, Mr. T has decided to return to e-wrestling. The Armed Forces have been silent as of late due to cuts in the Pentagon Budget. Last word had them reassigned to back up the LAPD. Powerhouse Pruitt hangs with Misty Raddison only because her IQ is smaller than his bicep size. The General Machine was really Rodney King ****************************************************************************** Misty: Hey, Pruitt has big biceps! Vince: Uh, Misty, that wasn't what she meant. [Ace Diamond comes in with a neckbrace on and interrupts Vince] Wince: Ace?! What are you doing here? You know that the Headbanger's are going to be here... Ace: That's exactly why I'm here. I'm here to face them again. Of course, I know that they don't have the guts to try and face either one of my fine tag-teams, so they pull sh*t like they did last week. Magilla: Ace, I know you very well, yet I don't understand why you would even consider meeting with the Headbangers on their own terms. Ace: Well, if Fender Marshall has the balls to come out here, I'll explain. [Marshall comes out with both Mosh and Thrash, who look happy to see Ace.] Fender: Well, Deuce. Didn't get enough of a beating last week? Ace: Look, Fender, you talk real tough. It took three of you to mess up my neck, and I'm only 160 lbs. Is this just your way of saying you can't beat up my men on your own? Fender: Your big mouth got you in trouble before, pal. Don't you think that you've had enough, boy? Mosh: Listen to the man. We don't really want to give you the Stratosmasher again, but we will if you get us pissed off again. Ace: All talk, yet so little action. If you two want my men so bad, then why don't you bring your sorry asses to the EMWA? Afraid of real competition? Fender: YOU WANT REAL COMPETITON? [Mosh and Thrash tackle Ace Diamond and start to pound on him.] Vince: Oh my God...Not again! Misty: Someone help him! Magilla: THEY'RE GOING UP FOR THE STRATOSMASHER!!! [At this point, a rather large group of wrestlers charges from the locker room area.] Wince: IT'S THE MAGE'S GALLERY!!!! Magilla: Metallicus, Fury, and John Girder are rushing out to save Ace, and the Headbangers tuck tail and run! [Ace gets up and grabs the microphone from Vince] Ace: You see? I told you that the friction between TNT and the Mage's Gallery was untrue! [removes the neck brace] C'mon, gentlemen. I think I owe you a round of drinks at a fine restaurant. Magilla: Wow! We do have some excitement in this edition of TWIW! Wince: I'll say! Magilla: It seems like these are a group of men seeking some, any federation to finish their conflict! Wince: What about the joint SuperCard? How is that going to work? Magilla: Traditionally, the heads of all the federations organize it, setting up matches and such, and the take inter-federation challenges from all comers... Usually a couple "special" events are held too, such as tag team tournaments, royal rumbles and the like. Wince: How is it going to work this year? Magilla: Well, it was originally scheduled for the June 30th, and set to field the "General's Challenge" battle royal... However there are no federations! Wince: So what's gonna happen? Magilla: I don't know. I hope that some young blood can take the ball and run with it. Misty: I wouldn't mind seeing some young stallions myself! Magilla: You haven't been the same since the Hoosiers announced their retirement, have you? Misty: This whole abscence of Federation has been getting me down! Magilla: Well, during the past few weeks, each of us has picked a "Top five of the year" list to highlight who each of us saw as the top 5 individual wrestlers of the past 12 months. Misty, why don't you tell the readers who we picked. Misty: Ok Magilla, here's how we saw it... Magilla: Misty: 1) The General Powerhouse Pruitt 2) "Irish" Mike Flint Tholian Black Widow 3) The Hangman Cannonball Calhoun 4) Lurch Daemon of "the Hoosiers" 5) Steelgrave Ace Diamond Wince: DeMandable 1) "Irish" Mike Flint BudMan 2) The General DiMadMan 3) Tholian Black Widow Plaid Powerhouse 4) The Sandman Bjorn "the Swedish Pretzel" 5) The Hangman Mark DeMandable DeMandable: Misty, you put Ace Diamond on there! He ain't a wrestler! Misty: But he's a gentleman! Wince: What about you DeMandable? You had 4 guys on there that have been out of commission for the past 9 months, and then included yourself! DeMandable: Don't badmouth me Wince! There's nobody out there in the past year that could hang with the 4 corners! And hey, I'm not a bad wrestler myself! Magilla: Gimme a break! DeMandable: You guys know better than to run your mouths off! Wince: Like you could beat the General? Or the Tholian Black Widow? DeMandable: Like you could beat your way out of a paper bag! Magilla: Anyways, this is a sad farewell, as we will in all likelihood not be back next week. Wince: Indeed, it's been fun. Misty: These sad endings always get to me. DeMandable: So beat it! ***************************************************************************** Editors Notes: 1) This is it! I graduate on Saturday. (No more school forever, yay rah!) 2) Unfortunately, I don't have any solid committments for a new editor. (I have an offer for next semester, but nothing firm or for the summer) 3) There are no running leagues! There are rules systems out there, and if you don't like them, make up your own. :) Being "in the know" can be a fun and rewarding experience. Stress the fun bit. It's work, but it's also fun. 4) The creator of the new WeWF-based federation is Paul Thompson. Reach him at thompson_p@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz Help him get it up, running, and thriving! 5) I've enjoyed my time as editor of TWIW, and running the General and the Hoosiers in the WeWF. I'd like to thank friends and enemies alike for making my year and a half in E-wrestling quite memorable. 6) Keep the faith. Up