New Illuminati Games Starting (P2) From: rkelly@carina.unm.edu (Robert Kelly) Date: Fri, 05 Jun 1992 14:04:17 +0000 Part 2 of 2 The following is the rules to Illuminati. Yes, I know, it may be illegal to post, but these are not the entire set of rules, plus I want everyone to be aware of what they are missing. SO, in this disclaimer, FOR PROMOTIONAL USE ONLY!!!! I L L U M I N A T I R U L E S ^ / \ / FNORD \ / <0> \ / \ \ / / \_____/ \ /_________________\ "Have a Paranoid Day!" BASIC RULES Object of the Game The object of Illuminati is to take control of the world. You start with a single Illuminati card, representing your own secret conspiracy. During the game, you take over other groups (represented by cards). These groups are added to your Power Structure and do your bidding (unless a foe takes them from you). You may win either by controlling enough groups, or by fulfilling the special goal of your own Illuminati. Both these "victory conditions" are detailed on the last page. Sequence of Play Play proceeds in turns. In his turn, a player does the following: 1. Collect Income. For each group that has an Income, draw that income from the bank. Put the money directly on that card (the group treasury). Hint: The game will go faster if players collect Income before their turn and have it ready beside A player may stack his money chits so only the top one can be seen, or spread them out to flaunt his wealth. 2. Draw a card. If the card represents a group, it is placed face-up in the center of the table, with the other uncontrolled groups. If it is a Special Event card, the player keeps it. He may place it face-down or face-up (whichever he chooses) in front of him. However, he must display the card; he can't hide it in a pocket. The other players do not have the right to know what the card says, but they do have the right to know how many cards each player has. 3. Take two "actions, " as explained below. 4. Take any ''free acnons. " Free actions (also explained below) do not count against the two actions a player is allowed during each turn. Free actions may be taken before, between, or after a player's regular two actions. 5. Transfer money. Part or all of the contents of two treasuries may be moved to the treasuries of adjacent groups. See p. 7. 6. Take special-power actions. If the player is the Gnomes of Zurich, this is the time when he may redistribute his money between treasuries. If he is the Bermuda Triangle, this is the time when he may reorganize his Power Structure. Play continues counter-clockwise until a player (or coalition of players) wins by achieving the victory conditions. The Groups The basic elements of Illuminati are the cards, or groups, ranging from the Illuminati themselves to the Yuppies and the Boy Sprouts. (Any resemblance of these groups to real organizations is purely satirical in nature.) Each group has certain characteristics, indicated on its card. There are ten possible political alignments. It is easier for a group to control or neutralize groups with similar alignments, and to destroy those of opposite alignments. Some groups have one alignment, some have several, and a few have none. Meanings of the alignments, for the purposes of this game, are: Government: An arm of the U.S. government; its opposite is Communist. Communist : Inspired by the Soviets or Chinese or Albanians or somebody; its opposite is Government. Liberal: Politically "left," whatever that means; its opposite is C Conservative. Conservative: Usually mad at the Liberals; its opposite is Liberal. Peaceful: Philosophically opposed to the use of force; its opposite is Violent. Violent : Armed and/or dangerous; not necessarily vicious; its opposite is Peaceful. Straight: Socially middle-of-the-road; Middle American; its opposite is Weird. Weird: Peculiar, offbeat, notably different from the neighbors; its opposite is Straight. Criminal : Extorting money from citizens through force or threat, and/or breaking the law professionally; there is no opposite. Fanatic : Adhering to a limited system of beliefs in defiance of all others; any two fanatic groups are considered opposite to each other. Power The Power number shown on the card is a measure of the group's abilityy to dominate other groupsa. The higher the number, the greater the Power. If a group has two numbers (for example: 7/4), the first number is its regular Power and the second represents the portion of that Power which can be used to assist another group in an attack (Transferable Power). Resistance This is a measure of a group's ability to resist domination . The lower the group's Resistance, the easier it is to take over. . . and the harder it is to protect when you control it. The Illuminati groups have no resistance shown, because they cannot be attacked directly. Income The is in Megabucks (MB). At the beginning of your turn, each groups you control collects the amount listed on its card. This income is placed directly on that card, becoming part of the group's treasury. If a group has no Income, it gets no money. Uncontrolled groups get no Income. Two groups have a special income. The IRS gets its income by taxing each of the other players 2MB on the owning player's turn. The Post Office costs 1MB per turn to control (paid by their controlling group or their Illuminati.) Special Abilities All Illuminati groups, and some other groups, have "special abilities" shown on their cards. The are two kinds of special abilities. "Any attempt" abilities give give an extra power to the holder of the card. Any attempt by that player to do that thing, regardless of which group tries it, will receive the indicated bonus. For instance, if you control the Cycle Gangs, any attempt you make to destroy another group with any of your groups will get a +2 bonus. This ability comes to you as soon as you take over the Cycle Gangs, and is lost as soon as you lose them. A group may give a bonus on "any attempt to control," even if it has no outgoing arrows. Other abilities apply only to the group itself. For instance, the Mafia have a +3 to control any Criminal Group. This means you get a 3-point bonus when trying to take over a Criminal group with that card. If you try to take over a Criminal group with another card, the fact that you hold the Mafia makes no difference. Note, though, that a special bonus like this is in addition to any regular bonus a group get for alignment. The Mafia would have a +4 bonus to control other criminal groups because of its own alignment is Criminal. Thus it would have a +7 for control of other Criminal groups! For oddball special abilities like that of the IRS, follow the instructions on the card. Actions There are three types of actions: an attack, a money transfer and amoving a group. each action must be completed before beginning another. A player may elect to take no actions (not even free actions, free money transfers or special actions) and collect 5MB for his Illuminati treasury instead. Actions cannot be saved for later turns. Attacks The most important actions in Illuminati are attacks. In an attack, a group uses its Power, and probably its money, in an attempt to either control, neutralize, or destroy another group. Illuminati groups themselves can attack, but cannot be attacked. No group, except the UFOs, can attack more than once per turn. Attack to Control This attack may be made against any other group in play except andother Illuminati of a group you alrady control. The attacking group must have at least one outward-pointing arrow free. If a group has no out-pointing arrow (either because all are being used or some are blocked), it cannot attempt to control another group. To attack, the player announces, which group is attacking, which on is being attacked, and for what purpose. Example: "The KKK, assisted by the CIA, will attempt to control the Yuppies." The success of the attack is determined by rolling two dice. To determine the roll required for a successful attack, subtract the defending group's Resistance from the attacking group's Power. Example: If a Power of 6 attacks a Resistance of 2, it can succeed only on a roll of 4 or less. If a Power of 10 attacked that same Resistance of 2, it would succeed on an 8 or less, giving it a much better chance. Automatic Failure--A roll of 11 or 12 results in automatic failure of the attack, no matter how much Power was involved. Aiding Attacks--All Illuminati, and some other groups, have transferable power. If a group has two Power numbers separated by a slash (like 5/2), the second number is its transferable power. If a group does not attack during a turn, it may use its transferable power to aid an attack made by any other group in its Power Structure. Any number of groups may aid one attack by adding Transferable Power. However, any one group may participate in only one attack per turn. (Exception: The Special Ability of the UFOs lets them participate in two attacks per turn.) Example: A group with a power of 6, aided by another group with a transferable power of 4, is attacking a group with a resistance of 3. The attacker has a total power of 10, and will have to roll a 7 or less to succeed. When an attack is announced, all transferable power to be used in that attack must be announced before any money is spent (see below) to support the attack. No transferable power may be added in the middle of the attack. Alignment of the group(s) transferring power does not matter. Power Structure Position--If a group is already controlled by an opponent, it may be harder to take over. The closer it is to the Illuminati who control it, the more of a bonus it gets to Resistance. If it is adjacent, it gets a + 10! If it is one group away, it gets a +5. If it is two groups away, it gets a +2. Alignments--The alignments of the two groups will also affect an attack. Identical alignments make control easier; opposed alignments make it harder. If the groups have any identical alignments, add 4 to the attacker's effective Power for each identical alignment. If they have any opposite alignments, add 4 to the defender's effective Resistance for each. Example: A Weird, Communist group is trying to control a Straight, Govemment group. 2 sets of opposite alignments add 8 to the defender's resistance to this attack. Special Powers--Some groups' special powers (shown on the card) will help them attack or defend against certain opponents. Spending Money To Attack--The attacker may also improve his chances by using some of his money in the attack. Each MB spent adds one point of Power to that attack. However, all Transferable Power to be used must be added and announced before any money is spent. Attacking money may be spent from either the attacking group's treasury or the Illuminati treasury. Other groups in the Power Structure cannot spend money to aid the attack. Example: In the instance above, the attacker was afraid he might not roll a 7 or less. So he spent 3 MB. Now he needs to roll a 10 or less, which is much easier. Once the roll needed to succeed has reached 10, additional spending will not improve the attacker's odds; an 11 or 12 always fails. But additional money or power can still be useful. For instance, if an attacker uses enough money and power to exceed the target's resistance by 20, the defender would have to spend 20 MB to get the attacking roll back down to zero again! Spending Money To Defend--If the defending group is already controlled, the defender may counter an attack by spending some of his own money. Resistance to that attack will increase by two for each MB spent from the defending group's treasury, and by one for each MB spent from his Illuminati treasury. Other groups cannot participate. All money spent is transferred immediately to the bank. Example: In the instance above, the defender has 3 MB on the defending group. He spends it all. It counts double, so instead of a 10, the attacker now needs to roll a 4. The attacker may then commit more money to offset the defender's spending. Continued Spending--The attacker and defender can each go back and forth, putting in more money, as long as they are able and willing. When no player is willing to spend more money to affect the attack, the dice are rolled to determine the result. Remember: a roll of 11 or 12 results in automatic failure, no matter how much power or money is used in the attack. Results Of The Attack--If the attack fails, the defending group remains where it was. If an Attack to Control is successful, the target group is captured and added to the attacking player's Power Structure. It is placed beside the group that captured it, with its inward-pointing arrow next to an outward-pointing arrow of the capturing group. It does not matter if a card is upside-down or sideways, as long as the arrows line up properly. If the captured group controlled other groups, they are also captured. When placed in the attacker's Power Structure, they should keep the same position, relative to the controlling group, that they had originally. If that is not possible because of overlaps with cards the attacker already has, he may rearrange any new cards that overlap, as long as they are still controlled by the same group. New groups which still cannot fit are dropped and become uncontrolled. Half of the money remaining in the groups' treasuries (round down) goes with them to the new owner; the rest is returned to the bank. The group which attacked may immediately transfer any or all of its treasury to the group it just captured. This is not a separate action, but is considered part of the attack. Such a transfer is often a good idea, either to protect the new group from attack or to let it mount an attack of its own. If a player's first action is an attack, and it fails, the player may attack the same group again as his second action. However, no individual group (except the UFOs) may attack twice. A newly-controlled group may attack on the same turn in which it was ac:uired. Attack to Neutralize This is identical to an "Attack to Control" except: 1. The target must be a group that is already controlled by another player. 2. The attacker gains an additional + 6 bonus. 3. If the attack succeeds, the target group and any subordinates are placed in the uncontrolled area. All their money is returned to the bank. Attack to Destroy This is in all ways identical to an "Attack to Control" except: 1. Instead of rolling "Power minus Resistance," the attacker rolls "Power minus Power." In other words, the defending group defends with its Power rather than its Resistance. A group with no Power cannot be destroyed except by a Whispering Campaign Special Event Card. The factors which keep powerless groups from organizing enough to control other groups also make them too diffuse to wipe out. 2. Unlike groups destroy each other more easily. An Attack to Destroy gets a +4 bonus for every opposite alignment, and a -4 for every identical alignment. 3. A group does not need an open control arrow in order to attempt destruction. 4. If the attack succeeds, the target group goes to the "dead pile. " Its subordinate groups are not destroyed, but become uncontrolled. It can be revived only by the special Media Campaign card. 5. You may try to destroy a group you already control. In this case, the target's closeness to its Illuminati does not protect it. But no group may attack itself, or aid an attempt to destroy itselfl Interference A player may interfere in an attack, either by helping the attacker or by opposing him. To do so, he announces who he will help, and then contributes money from his llluminati treasury only. This money goes to the bank. It affects the needed die roll by one for each MB spent. An attacker may prevent Interference by declaring an attack "Priviledged." To do this, she must discard any one Special Event card. The card is permanently removed from play. The player must call "Privilege!" when flrst declaring the attack. No one can interfere either for or against a Privileged Attack. The Bavarian Illuminati have the Special Ability to declare one attack per turn Privileged, at the cost of 5 MB payable from their Illuminati treasury. If that player wishes to use his Special Ability, he must declare the Privilege and pay the 5 MB when he first announces the attack. Privilege may be abolished only by use of an Interference Special Event card. If the Privilege is abolished, it cannot be reinstated on that attack. Calling Off An Attack After a player announces an attack, he can change his mind and call it offQuntil he puts some money down. Once he actually takes money from his treasury and puts it in the bank, the attack is committed. It must be played out, and it does count as an action. If the attacker spends no money, the attack is committed when another player spends money (either for or against him) or when the attacker rolls the dice. Transferring Money A group may, as an action, transfer any of its money to an adjacent groupQeither the group that controls it, or a group that it controls. A player may make two money transfers as part of her turn (Se:uence of Play, p. 2). But if necessary, she can also make a transfer as a regular action. By successive transfers, the same money may be moved two or more groups in one turn. Moving a Group A player may, as an action, reorganize his Power Structure by moving a group to a vacant outgoing control arrow. The new control arrow may be on the same group that originally controlled the group being moved, or it may be on any other group in his Power Structure. Any groups controlled by the group being moved, and those they control, and so on, are also moved. Cards may not overlap. If moving a group would cause some of its subordinate groups (or their subordinates) to overlap, any of them may also be moved to different control arrows, as long as they are still controlled by the same group. Any subordinate group that cannot be prevented from overlapping is lost. It, and any groups that it controls, are returned to the uncontrolled area. Free Actions Some things may be done during the "action" part of a turn without counting as "actions." These include: Dropping groupsQremoving a group from your Power Structure and returning it to the uncontrolled area. (Its subordinate groups must also become uncontrolled.) Aiding an attackQusing Transferable Power to assist another group. This just counts as part of the attack being aided. Giving away a Special Event card or moneyQ this may be done at any time, not just during your turn. Money may be transferred only between Illuminati treasuries when it goes to another player. Checking your own treasuryQyou may always count the money any of your groups has. Using a Special Event cardQfollow the instructions on the card. (Exception: Using the Bribery Special Event card is a regular action.) Gifts and Trades Cash or Special Event cards may be given away any time (except when a privileged attack is under way). Cash must come from an Illuminati group and go to another one. Other groups cannot be used to transfer money between players. Giving Away Groups A controlled group may be given away, but only during your turn. This counts as an action. Its subordinate groups, if any, must be transferred with it, as must their entire treasuries. You may not give a group to a player who doesn't want it. The player receiving the group must immediately fit it and any subordinates into his control structure, exactly as for moved or captured groups (above). If overlaps cannot be avoided, any overlapping groups become uncontrolled. Trades Anything (groups, special cards, or money) can be sold or traded. This is considered an exchange of gifts (see above) and follows the rules for gifts. If two players agree to a trade, the deal is binding if they make the exchange immediately. A deal is not binding if it involves exchange of one thing now for something in the future. Example: If you say "If you give me the Boy Sprouts now, I'll pay you 10 MB right now," and the other player gives you the Boy Sprouts, you must pay. But if you say "If you give me the Boy Sprouts now, I'll pay 10 MB next turn," and he gives you the card, you don't have to pay next turn unless you want to! Selling Groups You may give a group to another player during his turn if he pays you for itQin cash, special cards, or by trading another group or groups for it. Threats and Negotiations Any agreement between players, secret or otherwise, is permitted as long as it does not actually violate the rules of the game. For some suggestions, see the Advanced Rules section. In particular, it is perfectly legal to to try to change an opponent's mind, by promises or threats, about his planned action. Special Event Cards Each of these cards gives an advantage to the player who draws it. They may be kept face-down or shown, as the player wishes. But she must keep them spread so other players can see how many cards she has. Special cards may be traded, sold, or given away at any time; this is a free action. Each Special Event card may be used only once; some may be used at any time, and others may be used only as part of a specified action. After a card is used, it is removed from play. Any special card may also be used to make an attack "privileged"Qsee above. But only the Deep Agent card can abolish privilege. If two cards are played and one contradicts the other (for example, Assassinanon and Murphy's Law), the last card played is the one that governs. Eliminating a Player A player is eliminated if, at any time after his third turn, he controls no group except his Illuminati. His money goes to the bank. Exception: If the Servants of Cthulhu destroy their own last group, and in doing so, achieve their Special Victory Condition (eight groups destroyed) they are not destroyed themselves . . . they win! Leaving the Game If a player drops out, his groups go uncontrolled and their treasuries go to the bank. His Illuminati group is taken out of play. Winning the Game The game ends when, at the end of a turn (his own or someone else's) a player meets his victory conditions. If two or more players both meet their victory conditions at the same time, they share the victory, dividing the world between them. The Basic Victory Conditions are the same for all players: to control a certain number of groups. This number depends on the number of players at the beginning of the game. If a player leaves or is eliminated, the number of groups re:uired to win does not change. The Special Victory Condition is another way a player can win. This is different for each player, representing a specific goal or aim of that group of Illuminati. A player wins if he meets his Special Victory Condition at the end of any turn. SPECIAL VICTORY CONDITIONS Bavarian Illuminati Control groups with a total power of 35 or more (including their own Power of 10). Bermuda Triangle Control at least one group of each alignment. A group with more than one alignment counts for each of its alignments. Discordian Society. Control 5 Weird groups. Gnomes of Zurich. Collect 150 megabucks (in the whole Power Structure's treasuries). The Network. Control groups with a total Transferable Power of 20 (including their own 7). Servants of Cthulhu. Destroy eight groups. Society of Assassins. Control six Violent groups. UFOs At the beginning of the game, after players choose their Illuminati, the UFO player picks one of the seven special victory conditions listed above. He writes it down, keeping it secret from the other players. ADVANCED RULES These optional rules will provide you with many new ways of playing Illuminati. Add them one at a time or in any combination you like. The game may become as intricate and complicated as you please. The choice is yours. Use your power wisely . . . Adjusting Game Length A game usually lasts from 1 Ih to 3 hours. For a longer game, increase the number of groups re:uired for the Basic Victory Condition. For a very long game, ignore both the Basic and the Special Victory Conditions and play until there are no cards left uncontrolled; compute the total Power of each player's groups, plus 1 for each group controlled. The winner is the player with the highest score. New Turn Se:uences An easy way to change the game is to vary the se:uence in which players take their turns. These will also normally increase the playing time. Use any of these three methods: Staggered Se:uence. Turns are grouped into "rounds." A round is over when each player has had one turn. The first round goes normally, counter- clockwise: A, B, C, D, E. The next round skips forward to start: B, C, D, E, A. The third round skips forward again: C, D, E, A, B. And so on . . . The catch is this: A player cannot win unless his victory conditions are fulfilled at the end of a round. This system makes for very long games, and makes shared victories more attractive. It could take all night . . . you have been warned! Random Se:uence. After each player finishes his turn, roll two dice. The high roller gets the next turn. A player may take two turns in a row, but never three. Each player must keep track of the number of turns he has taken, since no player may be destroyed until after his own third turn. Bidding. Similar to Random Se:uence except that after the dice roll, each player may bid any number of MB to add to his roll. Bidding continues until one player wins, at which time he pays the money he has bid, and takes his turn. The money must come from the Illuminati group itself. Losing bidders pay nothing. (Players may contribute money to each others' bids.) Again, a player may take two turns in a row, but never three. Hidden Victory Conditions Each Illuminati group has its normal special power, but no group (except the UFOs) has its normal Special Victory Condition. Instead, each player chooses one possible victory condition from the list and writes it down, just as the UFOs normally do. Hidden Illuminati Each player keeps his Illuminati group upsidedown! Only the player knows which Illuminati he controls. A player can only use the Power, Income, and special power of his own groupQbut he is never re:uired to use all of his Power or Income, or reveal his special power. (Anyone caught cheating is out of the game!) During the action phase of his turn, a player may make an accusation against another player (for example, "I think you're Cthulhu.") This counts as one of the player's two actions, but does not count against any specific group. An incorrect accusation has no effect; a correct identification forces the identified Illuminati to play face-up. The advantage to being unidentified, of course, is that your desired victory conditions are unknown to the other players. Once the UFOs are identified, they are played face-up, but their true victory condition remains unknown! Alternative Rule: An unidentified Illuminati may legally "overstate" his Power and/or Income by 1, until he is identified. Larger Games Normally, no more than six should play at once. But there are eight Illuminati cards. If you use them all, expect the game to last at least three or four hours. For a seven-player game, the income of each Illuminati group should be increased by 3 MB per turn. In an eight-player game, increase Illuminati incomes by 5 MB per turn. Cheating Some fiendish people think Illuminati is even more fun when nothingQnot even the bankQis sacred. In this variant of the game, most forms of cheating are permitted. Exceptions: 1. You may not tip over the table or disarrange opposing Power Structures. 2. You may not bring in counterfeit money or money from other sets. 3. You may not cheat on the amount of money drawn from the bank during setup or the Income phase. (This would slow things down too much.) Anything else goes. Anyone caught in the act must undo that cheat. There is no other penalty. Suggested method for cheating include: 1. Accidentally misread the dice. 2. Steal from the bank (other than during the Income phase). 3. Lie about the amount of Power or Resistance your groups have. 4. Stack the deck, or peek ahead. 5. If anyone leaves the table, anything goes! We recommend you play the Cheating Game only with very good friends, or with people you will never see again. ILLUMINATI RULES SUMMARY ALIGNMENTS Government is the opposite of Communist. Liberal is the opposite of Conservative. Peaceful is the opposite of Violent. Straight is the opposite of Weird. Criminal has no opposite alignment. Fanatic Any two Fanatic groups are considered "opposite" to each other. SEQUENCE OF PLAY Play goes counter-clockwise around the table. 1. Collect Income. 2. Draw a card. If it is a Special Event card, the player keeps it. If the card is a group, it is placed face-up in the uncontrolled area. 3. Take two "actions." See list, below. 4. Take any "free actions." These do not count against the two actions allowed during each turn. They may be taken before, between, or after the two regular actions. See below for list. 5. Transfer money. Part or all of any group's money may be moved to an adjacent group. Two money transfers are allowed per turn. 6. Take special-power actions. ACTIONS Regular Actions: Attack a group (to control, neutralize, or destroy); Transfer Money; Move a Group; Give a Group Away. Free Actions: Drop a Group; Give Away Money or Special Cards; Check Your Own Treasury; Use a Special Event Card (Exception: Bribery is a regular action.) Passing: A player may choose not to take any actions of any sort and collect 5 MB instead. ATTACKS Attack to Control. Defending group's Resistance is subtracted from attacking group's Power, including any Transferable Power from other groups aiding in the attack. Only members of attacker's own Power Structure can aid the attack. Modify this number for attacker's or defender's special powers, for money spent by both sides, and for other factors shown below. Using two dice, attacker must roll this number or less. A roll of 11 or 12 is an automatic failure. Same alignment (e.g., Weird vs. Weird) +4 Opposite alignment (e.g., Straight vs. Weird) -4 Each Megabuck (MB) spent by Attacker + 1 Each MB spent by Defending Group -2 Each MB spent by Defender's Illuminati -1 Each MB spent by other players to Interfere -1 Each MB spent by other players to Assist + 1 Defending Group controlled directly by Illuminati -10 Defending Group is 1 Group away from Illuminati group -5 Defending Group is 2 Groups away from Illuminati group -2 Attack to Neutralize. Same as above, except that attacker receives a + 6 bonus. Attack to Destroy. Same as above except: 1. Roll "Power minus Power," instead of "Power minus Resistance." 2. +4 for opposite alignment; -4 for identical. 3. Attacking group does not need an open control arrow. BASIC VICTORY CONDITIONS Groups to be controlled, including Illuminati 2 or 3 players (not recommended) 13 4 players 12 5 players 10 6 players 9 7 or 8 players (not recommended) 8 SPECIAL VICTORY CONDITIONS Bavarian Illuminati Control groups with a total power of 35 or more (including their own Power of 10). Bermuda Triangle Control at least one group of each alignment. A group with more than one alignment counts for each of its alignments. Discordian Society. Control 5 Weird groups. Gnomes of Zurich. Collect 150 megabucks (in the whole Power Structure's treasuries). The Network. Control groups with a total Transferable Power of 20 (including their own 7). Servants of Cthulhu. Destroy eight groups. Society of Assassins. Control six Violent groups. UFOs At the beginning of the game, after players choose their Illuminati, the UFO player picks one of the seven special victory conditions listed above. He writes it down, keeping it secret from the other players. Robert Kelly rkelly@triton.unm.edu ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "He's not Santa Claus...He doesn't LOOK like Santa Claus!" "Don't judge a book by its hide, kid. I let folks believe that `fat, jolly' nonsense 'cause it makes 'em FEEL good. So, are you tots gonna bust me out of here, or stand there gaping like trout?" Gumby's Winter Fun Special Up