UEFL: Central Division Newsletter From: billones@grebyn.com (Jeremy Billones) Date: Sun, 21 Feb 1993 17:07:38 +0000 Central Division Final Standings LP W L D GF GA CP TP Cash MVP Moonshine by Urn 46 21 2 4 113 37 5 3 1021 MVP Sordid Sages 38 16 5 6 97 31 5 3 632 EB Beirut Blast 36 16 7 4 62 40 7.5 7 780 BOTH Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks 30 13 10 4 76 64 4.5 3 558 Cylinder Heads 21 8 14 5 63 83 1 3 1035 EB Oxaxaca Tortugas 19 8 16 3 40 71 5 7 650 EB Wainscotting 15 4 16 7 29 97 1.5 4 403 EB Safety in Numbers 11 4 20 3 35 92 1.5 4 378 Blown Adjustments: Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks tried to field the same player in two areas in one match. He was removed from the area that did not have only two players. No fine. [Next year, I'm keeping better records...] Press: [Commissioner] I would like to inform everyone of the term "Wiazowski," which was coined in a Star Fleet Battles tournament several years back. Flying a Gorn Tournament Cruiser, Ralph Wiazowski announced his attack with the famous quote: "I fire hundred points of plasma. You die." I mention this only because Moonshine by Urn hasn't quite done it. Yet. [SiN] SiN gets a couple of needed wins, blowing out Wainscotting (totally unintentional - I played Tonsor, my young goalie, in that game and was more looking to avoid getting blown out myself than anything else), and beating TPR. The loss to BB hurts, but a 1-0 loss to a top team isn't anything too bad. Unfortunately, I get to play MbU *and* SS this session before an 'easy' game with Oxaxaca (which I'll probably end up losing in an attempt to get a shot at a win in one of the MbU and SS games.) Anyway, SiN need not worry about missing relegation and would have to get a lot of luck to avoid the Velvet Doormat. [OT] A few words for those starved of OT press. We're staying in Central. With OT manager, Nick, back on deck after his knee operation, the Tortugas have performed well and look forward to building themselves as a Central team of the future (who's he kidding). The Cup is ours! [BB] The surprise appearance of Richard Gordon on the Moonshine team dimmed the prospects of another Blast upset, but the fans in Beirut are screaming for their team to do it anyway. "Moonshine hasn't lost on the road yet this season," explained Manager Ingram, "and I figure they'll bring at least 100 SL's of FW power [Missed it by *that* much -ed.] into Beirut to try to give us a shelling that will even surprise Beirut fans. We've been building our defense all season in preparation for this kind of attack, but I don't know if we're capable of holding them to less than 15 shots or so. A lot of our hope is in Ostrovsky's hands." Asked if he regretted issuing the challenge to MbU last session, Ingram shrugged and said, "They're bringing top 11 anyway, so what the heck. Maybe we'll get a PK or something." Looking at the schedule this session, it looks like BB's brief stay in 2nd place will be just that... brief. After an uncharacteristic 0-2-1 session, the Sages are virtually certain to obtain 5 or 6 LP's this session, meaning the Blast would not only have to draw or defeat Moonshine but also hold its own against the ++ GK talent of CH and Wainscotting. [TPR] Once again doomed to the cellars of Mediocrity, TPR has the dubious distinction of having almost clinched 4th place in Central - no more, no less. This session gives us a break : OT, who will be giving us all they have, CH, who will be giving us all they have, and W, who will be giving us all they have. An easy session? I don't think so. But hey, we've gone *2* straight sessions with *no* suspensions or injuries. And we're STILL in 4th. [W] Session I was meaningless to Wainscotting because the only suspense generate by the three expected losses was if Safety had enough power to earn three LPs and overtake the Gumbies for seventh and the Top Seed in the Relegation Bracket, the very concept of which ought to be enough to bring gales of laughter from the heavens. Instead, Wainscotting looks forward to the Relegation proceedings, in that each loss there will prove much sweeter and more meaningful: two losses, and we get to play in Peripheral. Will we lose? Yes, of course we will lose. Please do not project delusions of adequacy onto the plucky oldsters. At least I know how to forge mail. [SS] Yuk! [MbU] Sorry guys; no time for subtlety or press. The Blast will get blasted, SiN gets the rest of the FW power, and the MF gets to dance on Wainscotting. Playoff Deadline will be announced in a later mailing. ******************************************************************************** Match 25 ******************************************************************************** Moonshine by Urn vs Wainscotting 1 - 1 5 - 3 Seymour (1) R.H. Gumby (1) ******************************************************************************** Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks vs Oxaxaca Tortugas 4 - 4 9 -12 P.J. Gumby (2) Bench (2) Socks (2) O (1) Knotneal (bk) Sawatski (1) ******************************************************************************** Beirut Blast vs Cylinder Heads 1 - 0 4 - 1 Gates (1) Shomway (bk) Stumble (bk) Weinberger (bk) ******************************************************************************** Sordid Sages vs Safety in Numbers 8 - 0 12- 0 Osiris (3) Bonar (bk) John (2) Gandalf (1) Magus (1) Mephisto (1) ******************************************************************************** Match 26 ******************************************************************************** Cylinder Heads vs Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks 4 - 5 6 -14 Primadona (2) Jamerson (4) Nix (1) Sformulware (1) Schlegel (1) Fleck (bk) ******************************************************************************** Safety in Numbers vs Moonshine by Urn 2 - 5 6 -26 Battista (1) Vibbentrop (4) Cyphers (1) Goal (1) Garfunkel (bk) ******************************************************************************** Wainscotting vs Beirut Blast 0 - 3 4 -15 Center (bk) Santarelli (2;bk) B.S. Gumby (bk) Fahd (1) F.Q. Gumby (bk) [inj;spr] T. Anderson (bk) Chang (bk) ******************************************************************************** Sordid Sages vs Oxaxaca Tortugas 4 - 0 9 - 5 Johnson (2) P. Paul L. (1) Marley (1) Magus (bk) ******************************************************************************** Match 27 ******************************************************************************** Moonshine by Urn vs Beirut Blast 5 - 1 15-10 Flatulence (1;bk) Kissinger (1) Z. Gordon (1) T. Anderson (bk) J.B. Gumby (1) Daniloff (bk) L. Lenny L. (1) Open (1) Hand (bk) ******************************************************************************** Tuxedo Park Ridgebacks vs Wainscotting 6 - 4 15- 7 Betts (2;bk) Pa. Anderson (2) Grappelli (1) Carter (2) E. Otto (1) O.O. Gumby (bk) Socks (1) Mason (bk) Feynman (1pen) ******************************************************************************** Oxaxaca Tortugas vs Safety in Numbers 2 - 0 9 - 4 Sadat (1) Cyphers (bk) Sims (1) Fosse (bk) Edwards [inj;brk] ******************************************************************************** Cylinder Heads vs Sordid Sages 6 -12 10-22 GoodButOld (2;bk) Johnson (4) Kohol (2) Marley (3;bk) Seball (1) Ptolemy (3) Zerr (1) Mark (1) Uecker (1) ******************************************************************************** (bk) Booked, 4 DPs (RC) Sent off, 10DPs (#) Number of goals scored [inj;*] Injured, type of injury Up