BSE Digest v195 #114

From: kerry@io.com (Kerry Harrison)

Date: Fri, 24 Mar 1995 02:41:35 +0000

BSE Digest                Thursday, 23 March 1995      Volume 195 : Number 114

In this issue:

+       BSE: USS Product Liability
+       Re: BSE: Database
+       Re: BSE: Database
+       BSE: Change of adress
+       Re: BSE: More Questions for RTG
+       BSE: Govt. Blurbs
+       BSE: People vs. "Fat Boy" et al.

See the end of the digest for information on subscribing to the bse-list
or bse-digest mailing lists.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: btb4@Lehigh.EDU (B T Braun)
Date: Wed, 22 Mar 1995 13:06:59 EST
Subject: BSE: USS Product Liability

TO:  All Citizens of the region of space known as "The Capellan Periphery",
     and adjoining areas.

FROM:  Abercrombie Milquetoaste, Executive V.P. of Marketing, Product
    Development, Inter-corporation Legal Affairs, Cellulose Joining Device
    Auditing, and Government Surplus Acquisition.

Universal Stellar & Service Main H.Q., The Inner Empire

Greetings and salutations!  I wish to begin by reminding you all just how much
we, the citizenry of the Inner Empire, respect and admire the accomplishments
of our hardy brethren in the colonial reaches.  The rumors that, because you
are mostly sociopathic exiles, criminals, mental defectives, or just generally
undesirable as neighbors, we of the Inner Empire somehow find you to be
excreble wastrels is not nearly as true as some might find justifiable.
Mostly, we just wish you would bathe more regularly and place more emphasis on
toilet training your offspring.

Before I address the primary reason for this missive, first let me attempt to
dissuade you from employing our fine colony governor, Hagbard Celine, as legal
defense for He Who Must Not Be Mentioned.  To do so would be entirely unjust
to the defendant:  On the last occasion Celine stood before the bar his
client, up on a minor traffic offense, was not only found guilty of the
original charge, but of several major capital offenses (that, to this day, it
is uncertain if the crimes were ever actually committed - although it's
rumored that Mr. Celine, in an attempt to clear is name, actually committed
some of the offenses himself _post_hoc_) in addition.  Not only was the
defendant sentenced to several death sentences/lives of imprisonment/brain
wiping/ corporal punishment/ poetry readings, but several of the jury, one
prosecutor, the clerk of courts, most of the gallery, not a few reporters, and
one stray dog were implicated as well.  The result was the single largest
multiple-multiple (using rejuv. techniques) execution since the conviction of
the Bangaledesh Googleplex (continuous executions for 12 centuries).  Don't do
it, you'll regret it.  There may not be enough citizens left in the periphery
to ship us our due in luxury goods after Mr. Celine goes to work.

Oops - gotta have lunch, er, ah, an important corporate <"Damn, how in the
hell do you turn this thing off?>...ah, I'll finish this later.  <What was the
rest of this supposed to be about - oh, right, those smelly beggars always
buggering our sheep...well, I'm sure they'll find something to do with
themselves...snicker..until I get a chance to finish this release.">

Be seeing you,

Brad Braun
btb4@lehigh.edu
///////////////////*********************************************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
                            Brad's Sig. File Here
 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

------------------------------

From: PROTHORAX@aol.com
Date: Wed, 22 Mar 1995 17:56:40 -0500
Subject: Re: BSE: Database

Yes, the bird can have my address anytime!

David Cromer                   PROTHORAX@AOL.COM
PO Box 45
Geneseo IL 61254

WaSP JANUS PROTHORAX

------------------------------

From: ccharnle@m-net148.arbornet.org (Chip Charnley)
Date: Wed, 22 Mar 95 21:37 WET
Subject: Re: BSE: Database

Hell, I'll jump on the band-wagon

Chip Charnley
1133 S. Congress
Ypsilanti, MI  48197

ccharnle@m-net148.arbornet.org
CIS: 71625,1015

Jame Retief, Research Secretary of the WCE and governor of WCE Merconia
Sean Retief, Governor of WCE Izac Neutin
Capt. Oshtkosh B'Gosh, IND Marakesh Express
Ensign Brandon Retief, WCE Needle
Krindon Karf, WCE Stalin
Shannon Retief, governor designate, WCE Okmahr's Port
Cerak J'norr, temporary governor, WCE Dinas Powys pending the arrival of
governor designate, Sargeant Major (ooc. This colony is gong to pass to Paul
Mansfield)

------------------------------

From: Marilith1@aol.com
Date: Wed, 22 Mar 1995 21:41:10 -0500
Subject: BSE: Change of adress

To anyone that cares,

The FOE Blood Priest Marilith has moved:

My new address/phone number is:

Wade L. Wheaton
24533 Ave 82
Terra Bella, CA 93270
(209)535-0501

Wade.

------------------------------

From: RTGThad@aol.com
Date: Thu, 23 Mar 1995 01:46:30 -0500
Subject: Re: BSE: More Questions for RTG

What we are thinking right now is that certain drugs will cause a certain
rate of colonists to become ADDICTS < a new item >. The Addicts will perform
normally <although they may have a higher deathrate> as long as they are
given their drugs. If the drugflow stops, so do the addicts. In theory, you
could have an entire colony full of addicts <although they would likely die
faster than they reproduce> and be OK as long as you kept their drugs coming.
If the drugs stop, the addicts stop working, or perhaps revolt. Any ideas on
this topic should be sent by EMail or FAX and we will consider them.

Thad

------------------------------

From: PEllisCaz@aol.com
Date: Thu, 23 Mar 1995 02:10:08 -0500
Subject: BSE: Govt. Blurbs

OOC:  For the last several weeks there has not been any Govt. Blrubs on the
print-outs.  Is this an area that RTG has droped from the print-outs or are
the AFF's not active in sending blurbs.  When I first joined BSE a little
over a year ago those blurbs were the main thing that let me aviod
misunderstandings, for example getting blown away for entering a space square
that is of limits to other AFF's.  I think that it is only fair that new and
returning players are givin that chance without having to contact list of
poeple to find out what is usually common information

------------------------------

From: CPTNewsRm@aol.com
Date: Sun, 19 Mar 1995 14:18:15 -0500
Subject: BSE: People vs. "Fat Boy" et al.

...a large conference room with a table and podium at one end.  The
area in front of the podium is crowded with media people and camera
equipment...the air is thick with microphones and the odor of hair-
spray...a press conference is about to held...a murmur runs through
the assemblage as the noted attorney, Otto Bongwater, stepped to the
podium...seated at the table are other lawyers and "Fat Boy"...

(ahem) Ladies, gentlemen, aliens and shrubbery, I've asked for this
press conference to announce that the firm of Bongwater, Hammerhead,
Bongwater & Pierpont has been retained by [censored] to represent
him and his company, [censored], in any pending criminal or civil
cases which has or may be filed against him.  Our trial team is
led by J. Montrose Pierpont, noted jurist and former general counsel
to the ICN Periphery Director, Commodore James DiGriz.  He will be
assisted by Flavius T. Cowpuddle, D. Daniel Dink, and O. Leo Spackle.

I want to say that my client denies all the charges filed by the
ISP and that he is looking forward to having his day in court so that
he can present his case and clear his good name.  And, speaking of
names, I want to express my dismay and disgust at the common practice
of referring to my client, [censored], as "Fat Boy."  I want all of
you in this room put on notice, and to you out there, (Otto stares
into the camera) that my client prefers to be called the Gravity
Challenged Juvenile.

Now, are there any questions?

UPI:  What do you think your client will want as his last meal?

Uh, what?!  My client is innocent.  That's ridiculous!

RING:  Is your client religious?  Will he have a priest with him as
he's led to his execution?

Oh, this is silly.  Yes, he's religious...I think.  And a regular
temple attendee as a devout Yertie, I might add.

CPT:  Will your client get to choose his method of execution?  Does
he want to be electrocuted, guillotined, gassed, shot, hung, beaten
with clubs, stabbed with rusty spears, crushed by elephants, stung
to death by killer bees, sandpapered and then dipped in sea water,
smashed by falling logs..you know, really big ones, ground up in a
No.6 commercial tree chipper, or what?

That's disgusting.  My client is innocent and has given no thought
to any form of execution.  He's not going to be executed by anyone!

API:  Does your client have any plans for a memorial service?  I'm
sure our viewers will want to know where they can go to descecrate
the grave.

So that's the way it is, eh?  You people should be ashamed of your-
selves!  You've already judged this fine man, look at him.  Go ahead
and look.  Is that cherubic visage the face of a man who would commit
the crimes he is accused of?  And the others, look at them, too.
I don't know about you, but I've never seen a more guiltless bunch
of people in my life.  Now, just one more question.

CNS:  Will the family of the Gravity-Challenged Juvenile be present
for his execution?

Dammit!  Look!  He's NOT GUILTY!  Stop this right now!  He is beloved
by millions and so are his co-defendants.  They all receive hundreds
of cards and letters every day and I can guarantee you that not all
of them are threats of death and disfigurement!  Right now we are
waiting for a formal list of charges to be filed by the ISP. But,
the first thing I am going to do is file a motion for a change of
venue and jurisdiction.  We do not believe that the ISP is an unbiased
court of competent jurisdiction and I will be requesting that a
tribunal of honest men be convened to hear the charges, listen to
the evidence and then render a fair decision.  Thank you for coming.

------------------------------

End of BSE Digest V195 #114
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