BSE Digest v195 #114 From: kerry@io.com (Kerry Harrison) Date: Fri, 24 Mar 1995 02:41:35 +0000 BSE Digest Thursday, 23 March 1995 Volume 195 : Number 114 In this issue: + BSE: USS Product Liability + Re: BSE: Database + Re: BSE: Database + BSE: Change of adress + Re: BSE: More Questions for RTG + BSE: Govt. Blurbs + BSE: People vs. "Fat Boy" et al. See the end of the digest for information on subscribing to the bse-list or bse-digest mailing lists. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- From: btb4@Lehigh.EDU (B T Braun) Date: Wed, 22 Mar 1995 13:06:59 EST Subject: BSE: USS Product Liability TO: All Citizens of the region of space known as "The Capellan Periphery", and adjoining areas. FROM: Abercrombie Milquetoaste, Executive V.P. of Marketing, Product Development, Inter-corporation Legal Affairs, Cellulose Joining Device Auditing, and Government Surplus Acquisition. Universal Stellar & Service Main H.Q., The Inner Empire Greetings and salutations! I wish to begin by reminding you all just how much we, the citizenry of the Inner Empire, respect and admire the accomplishments of our hardy brethren in the colonial reaches. The rumors that, because you are mostly sociopathic exiles, criminals, mental defectives, or just generally undesirable as neighbors, we of the Inner Empire somehow find you to be excreble wastrels is not nearly as true as some might find justifiable. Mostly, we just wish you would bathe more regularly and place more emphasis on toilet training your offspring. Before I address the primary reason for this missive, first let me attempt to dissuade you from employing our fine colony governor, Hagbard Celine, as legal defense for He Who Must Not Be Mentioned. To do so would be entirely unjust to the defendant: On the last occasion Celine stood before the bar his client, up on a minor traffic offense, was not only found guilty of the original charge, but of several major capital offenses (that, to this day, it is uncertain if the crimes were ever actually committed - although it's rumored that Mr. Celine, in an attempt to clear is name, actually committed some of the offenses himself _post_hoc_) in addition. Not only was the defendant sentenced to several death sentences/lives of imprisonment/brain wiping/ corporal punishment/ poetry readings, but several of the jury, one prosecutor, the clerk of courts, most of the gallery, not a few reporters, and one stray dog were implicated as well. The result was the single largest multiple-multiple (using rejuv. techniques) execution since the conviction of the Bangaledesh Googleplex (continuous executions for 12 centuries). Don't do it, you'll regret it. There may not be enough citizens left in the periphery to ship us our due in luxury goods after Mr. Celine goes to work. Oops - gotta have lunch, er, ah, an important corporate <"Damn, how in the hell do you turn this thing off?>...ah, I'll finish this later. <What was the rest of this supposed to be about - oh, right, those smelly beggars always buggering our sheep...well, I'm sure they'll find something to do with themselves...snicker..until I get a chance to finish this release."> Be seeing you, Brad Braun btb4@lehigh.edu ///////////////////*********************************************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ Brad's Sig. File Here >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ------------------------------ From: PROTHORAX@aol.com Date: Wed, 22 Mar 1995 17:56:40 -0500 Subject: Re: BSE: Database Yes, the bird can have my address anytime! David Cromer PROTHORAX@AOL.COM PO Box 45 Geneseo IL 61254 WaSP JANUS PROTHORAX ------------------------------ From: ccharnle@m-net148.arbornet.org (Chip Charnley) Date: Wed, 22 Mar 95 21:37 WET Subject: Re: BSE: Database Hell, I'll jump on the band-wagon Chip Charnley 1133 S. Congress Ypsilanti, MI 48197 ccharnle@m-net148.arbornet.org CIS: 71625,1015 Jame Retief, Research Secretary of the WCE and governor of WCE Merconia Sean Retief, Governor of WCE Izac Neutin Capt. Oshtkosh B'Gosh, IND Marakesh Express Ensign Brandon Retief, WCE Needle Krindon Karf, WCE Stalin Shannon Retief, governor designate, WCE Okmahr's Port Cerak J'norr, temporary governor, WCE Dinas Powys pending the arrival of governor designate, Sargeant Major (ooc. This colony is gong to pass to Paul Mansfield) ------------------------------ From: Marilith1@aol.com Date: Wed, 22 Mar 1995 21:41:10 -0500 Subject: BSE: Change of adress To anyone that cares, The FOE Blood Priest Marilith has moved: My new address/phone number is: Wade L. Wheaton 24533 Ave 82 Terra Bella, CA 93270 (209)535-0501 Wade. ------------------------------ From: RTGThad@aol.com Date: Thu, 23 Mar 1995 01:46:30 -0500 Subject: Re: BSE: More Questions for RTG What we are thinking right now is that certain drugs will cause a certain rate of colonists to become ADDICTS < a new item >. The Addicts will perform normally <although they may have a higher deathrate> as long as they are given their drugs. If the drugflow stops, so do the addicts. In theory, you could have an entire colony full of addicts <although they would likely die faster than they reproduce> and be OK as long as you kept their drugs coming. If the drugs stop, the addicts stop working, or perhaps revolt. Any ideas on this topic should be sent by EMail or FAX and we will consider them. Thad ------------------------------ From: PEllisCaz@aol.com Date: Thu, 23 Mar 1995 02:10:08 -0500 Subject: BSE: Govt. Blurbs OOC: For the last several weeks there has not been any Govt. Blrubs on the print-outs. Is this an area that RTG has droped from the print-outs or are the AFF's not active in sending blurbs. When I first joined BSE a little over a year ago those blurbs were the main thing that let me aviod misunderstandings, for example getting blown away for entering a space square that is of limits to other AFF's. I think that it is only fair that new and returning players are givin that chance without having to contact list of poeple to find out what is usually common information ------------------------------ From: CPTNewsRm@aol.com Date: Sun, 19 Mar 1995 14:18:15 -0500 Subject: BSE: People vs. "Fat Boy" et al. ...a large conference room with a table and podium at one end. The area in front of the podium is crowded with media people and camera equipment...the air is thick with microphones and the odor of hair- spray...a press conference is about to held...a murmur runs through the assemblage as the noted attorney, Otto Bongwater, stepped to the podium...seated at the table are other lawyers and "Fat Boy"... (ahem) Ladies, gentlemen, aliens and shrubbery, I've asked for this press conference to announce that the firm of Bongwater, Hammerhead, Bongwater & Pierpont has been retained by [censored] to represent him and his company, [censored], in any pending criminal or civil cases which has or may be filed against him. Our trial team is led by J. Montrose Pierpont, noted jurist and former general counsel to the ICN Periphery Director, Commodore James DiGriz. He will be assisted by Flavius T. Cowpuddle, D. Daniel Dink, and O. Leo Spackle. I want to say that my client denies all the charges filed by the ISP and that he is looking forward to having his day in court so that he can present his case and clear his good name. And, speaking of names, I want to express my dismay and disgust at the common practice of referring to my client, [censored], as "Fat Boy." I want all of you in this room put on notice, and to you out there, (Otto stares into the camera) that my client prefers to be called the Gravity Challenged Juvenile. Now, are there any questions? UPI: What do you think your client will want as his last meal? Uh, what?! My client is innocent. That's ridiculous! RING: Is your client religious? Will he have a priest with him as he's led to his execution? Oh, this is silly. Yes, he's religious...I think. And a regular temple attendee as a devout Yertie, I might add. CPT: Will your client get to choose his method of execution? Does he want to be electrocuted, guillotined, gassed, shot, hung, beaten with clubs, stabbed with rusty spears, crushed by elephants, stung to death by killer bees, sandpapered and then dipped in sea water, smashed by falling logs..you know, really big ones, ground up in a No.6 commercial tree chipper, or what? That's disgusting. My client is innocent and has given no thought to any form of execution. He's not going to be executed by anyone! API: Does your client have any plans for a memorial service? I'm sure our viewers will want to know where they can go to descecrate the grave. So that's the way it is, eh? You people should be ashamed of your- selves! You've already judged this fine man, look at him. Go ahead and look. Is that cherubic visage the face of a man who would commit the crimes he is accused of? And the others, look at them, too. I don't know about you, but I've never seen a more guiltless bunch of people in my life. Now, just one more question. CNS: Will the family of the Gravity-Challenged Juvenile be present for his execution? Dammit! Look! He's NOT GUILTY! Stop this right now! He is beloved by millions and so are his co-defendants. They all receive hundreds of cards and letters every day and I can guarantee you that not all of them are threats of death and disfigurement! Right now we are waiting for a formal list of charges to be filed by the ISP. But, the first thing I am going to do is file a motion for a change of venue and jurisdiction. We do not believe that the ISP is an unbiased court of competent jurisdiction and I will be requesting that a tribunal of honest men be convened to hear the charges, listen to the evidence and then render a fair decision. Thank you for coming. ------------------------------ End of BSE Digest V195 #114 *************************** To subscribe to bse-digest, send the command: subscribe bse-digest in the body of a message to "Majordomo@io.com". If you want to subscribe something other than the account the mail is coming from, such as a local redistribution list, then append that address to the "subscribe" command; for example, to subscribe "local-bse-list": subscribe bse-digest local-bse-list@your.domain.net A non-digest (direct mail) version of this list is also available; to subscribe to that instead, replace all instances of "bse-digest" in the commands above with "bse-list". Up